The cake is a lie.

being dead does suck, unless your a sentient zombie, then being deaad ROCKS REALLY HARD

TK 2011/04/06(Wed)09:35 No. 294372 ID: 543aa6
File 130210773325.png - (19.52KB , 875x475 , 1.png )

>>294360
All lies lead to the truth.
>>294369
I died, but I'm not dead.

My doctor, hand on hip, eyes me.

"You're lucky to be alive, young man. What's your name?"

Tyler Keaton. friends call you TK.

>>294375
Sure, why not.

Ask the doctor what injuries you had.

Teddy Keaton. Tyler's a name for snot-nosed blond kids who are 6 years old.

Ask how far you are from the Red Mesas. This guy looks like Ona from Divequest. I bet we're in the Diveverse.

TK 2011/04/06(Wed)14:41 No. 294433 ID: 543aa6
File 130212607615.png - (19.50KB , 875x475 , 2.png )

I blink hard a couple times, then prop myself up on one elbow.

>>294375
"Friends call me TK."

"And," he asks good-naturedly, "do you consider me a friend?"

"You might've saved my life. I'd say that counts. >>294381 What's the damage, doc?"

"Well, for one thing, your liver's a wreck."

Medical humor.

"You've got two major injuries; one on your right shoulder - that one, I'm not too worried about, it seems to have gone straight through and out - the other one, though, is on the left side of your chest, near the heart. And there's no exit wound. That one-" he frowns, "You shouldn't be alive."

wait, no exit wound? that's.. ww. whatever force brought you here probably made your wounds just survivable.

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART
AND YOU'RE TO BLAME

I guess we need to figure out if our near-death experience was actually death and this is some sort of afterlife, or if we just almost died, or what have you.
More to the point, ask where he found you.

Where was I found, or rather, how did I come to be in your care?

TK 2011/04/06(Wed)17:44 No. 294502 ID: 543aa6
File 130213708856.png - (19.64KB , 875x475 , 3.png )

>>294442
>>294455
"Doc, I" decide to lie, "don't remember much. Where did you find me?"

"Deep in the woods."

Behind him, the door opens.

is it another not-human thing?

TK 2011/04/08(Fri)23:32 No. 295168 ID: 543aa6
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>>294510
My mother never told me fairy tales when I was a child, but when I see the tall, angular figure that strides into the hut, the word "gnoll" comes instantly to mind.

Menacing as he is, all crocodile smiles and beartrap teeth, the doc turns and faces him unafraid.

"Grigori, I've told you before that you are not welcome here."

"No, shaman," the thug hisses with a mouthful of spit, "it is you who are not welcome. Not until you pay. The big man demands tribute. He demands respect."

Doc's not backing down. "Your boss can have my respect when he earns it."

"Or maybe," Grigori keeps grinning as he draws a cruel, jagged knife, "I can just cut it out of you."

take out your gun and tell the gnoll to back off. doc saved your life, time for you to save his.

Shoot the gnoll in his smug face.

TK 2011/04/09(Sat)00:17 No. 295179 ID: 543aa6
File 130233347890.png - (21.95KB , 875x475 , 5.png )

>>295171
>>295176
I pull my pistol, and draw a bead between his beady eyes.

"Back off. Back the fuck off."

He looks past the doctor at me. He stares straight down the barrel of my gun. There's no glimmer of fear - or recognition.

He starts walking quickly towards me. "Such courage!" he spits, "Such bravery!" shoulder checks the doctor aside, and stands over me, pressing the knife to my throat, "What a hero!"

bang

>>295179
Pull the trigger. Use him as an example to others that you're one bad mother fucker and that guns are nasty little pieces of work.

Blow his brains out.

Maybe we shouldn't go for a headshot just yet. Try for something less immediately fatal.

>>295187
Kneecap?

Hm... We'll leave it to your discretion, TK.

No, Immediately fatal is good.

>>295179
Ask the doc what to do. If the dude gets too frisky, blow his brains out.

No, screw it, kill this douche breeze.

TK 2011/04/09(Sat)22:30 No. 295379 ID: 543aa6
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>>295176
>>295180
>>295181
>>295184
>>295306
>>295328

"I'm not a hero."

I pull the trigger. I

"I don't even know what a hero is."

blow his brains out.

doc will probably freak out over how powerful your gun is. put it away and try to calm him down.

Try not to get any blood on you.

(also don't use the spraypaint tool eeeuuugh)

TK 2011/04/10(Sun)00:02 No. 295414 ID: 543aa6
File 130241894342.png - (23.70KB , 875x475 , 7.png )

For the first time, I see the doctor lose his cool.

"OK. Okay. I can take care of this. But-"

>>295388
As he speaks, I notice he keeps glancing nervously at my gun, so I put it back in my pocket.

"You've got to get out of here, at least for now. Head north, back into the woods. You can come back tonight, once the sun sets. Try not to let anyone see you."

I stand up. The doctor shoves a few gold coins and a flask full of green liquid into my hands, then ushers me out the door. Unsteadily, I step outside, into the bright sunlight.

okay, let's head into those woods. be wary of other gnolls.

Ask him what kind of stuff you can expect to find in the woods. Anyone else go in there? Lumberjacks, hunters, etc?

>>295421

The more time you dick around getting information, the more likely someone will catch you leaving the scene of a very messy and very loud killing.

So, run.

TK 2011/04/12(Tue)05:13 No. 295975 ID: 543aa6
File 130261042056.png - (14.58KB , 875x475 , 8.png )

>>295418
>>295424

Eyes open and knees wobbly, I step quickly but quietly out into the village. About a dozen huts the same as the one I just left. All other doors closed. Not a soul in sight. I make my way up the dirt road to the north, into the woods where the doctor said he found me.

TK 2011/04/12(Tue)06:26 No. 295998 ID: 543aa6
File 130261481851.png - (16.89KB , 875x475 , 9.png )

Leaning against a tree at the edge of the forest and waiting for nightfall, I realize that I don't have any food, and I can't remember the last time I ate.

Hell, I don't know what time it is now. I check my watch. It hasn't stopped; the hands just aren't there anymore.

I hear a sound, and catch movement out the corner of my eye. A figure darts between the trees.

>>295998
Go say hi to Taxi Rabbit. Ask her if she wants to toke up with you.

>>295998
Also, do a bullet count. Those are not a renewable resource.

>>296002
Shit, this is a good point. We can't just go throwing shots off like candy anymore.

Follow the white rabbit.

TK 2011/04/15(Fri)04:41 No. 296939 ID: 543aa6
File 130286766652.png - (18.18KB , 875x475 , 10.png )

I am approached by... a giant bunny.

"Hey," she says, "got a light?"

"I do if you've got a smoke."

She hands me a hand-rolled cigarette. She raises an eyebrow as I strike my last match on my thumbnail. I light hers first.

"Neat trick," she says, blowing smoke.

"I suppose. Got the time?" The smoke is acrid, pungent.

"The time for what?"

I don't really have an answer, so we smoke in silence. After a while she asks, "You're not from around here, are you?"

"Probably not."

She blows a smoke ring, then drops her cigarette and grinds it out beneath her foot.

"Me neither. Plans for the evening?"

"Whole lot of not much. You?"

"Meeting people. Friends in high places. Interested?"

>>296939
Sure, tag along. It's not like you have anything really better to do.

well, doc did ask you to come back later. and you still have an entry wound.

Let's go, we've got an entire night to kill.

Not that you shouldn't necessarily trust her, but you are a stranger in a strange land. Agree, but just be sure to keep your wits about you. Try to see how people do things here. You don't want to rock the boat unnecessarily, because the last thing we want is another hole through our chest.

>>296939
Yes, but be back after the sun sets. Doctors orders.

TK 2011/04/16(Sat)13:51 No. 297182 ID: 543aa6
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>>296940
>>296978
>>297007
"Lead the way, but >>296941 >>297019 I've got a curfew."

Not looking over her shoulder, "We won't be long."

We head south, back towards the village.

>>296002
>>296072
As we walk, I check my gun. Five bullets. I've got six more in my pocket.

The thick smoke from her cigarette is starting to make me feel light-headed. I surreptitiously spit it out.

She stops at the edge of the woods, and points to the largest hut in the small village. "Your introduction to high society."

"Friend of yours?"

She smirks. "The biggest scumbag on the rock. Meet me here after."

"Let me guess - I shouldn't mention you."

"My reputation precedes me," she shrugs, "I don't want it to succeed me."

>>297182
Top off your magazine real quick before continuing.

>>297203
Good idea.

...we have to consider what we will even talk to the guy about. Perhaps we can ask if he has any jobs?

TK 2011/04/17(Sun)19:14 No. 297473 ID: 543aa6
File 130309284188.png - (23.30KB , 875x475 , 12.png )

I walk out of the forest.

>>297203
>>297225
and load my gun as I walk towards the hut.

Spears crossed, two gnolls bar ingress. Stinking, frowning, the skinny one asks, "Who goes there?"

The fat one chuckles, "huh huh who goes"

>>297473
Tyler Keaton.

Tell them you're a friend looking to see... wait who is in here again

Just tell them you're a stranger from out of town who might be able to help, and that you can't say any more except to their boss.
Play it cool, don't tip your hand, because that would mean showing them a whole bunch of blank cards

TK 2011/04/20(Wed)21:07 No. 298002 ID: 543aa6
File 130335884569.png - (23.29KB , 875x475 , 12b.png )

>>297518
>>297225

"My name is >>297476 not important. I want to talk to the big man. I'm looking for work, and I think I can help."

Chameleons flash wicked smiles, amongst other things - or the smoke has got me seeing what isn't there.

"Help, he says. Looks kinda puny to me. Too puny by half."

"huh huh too puny"

420 smoke pipeweed erry day

Also show some balls here because if you try to reason with them they'll think you're stupid so just go in strong. Be all boisterous and confident and say something like "Fuck you I ain't got time to deal with small time fucks like you fucks" but maybe don't say fuck so much. Or do, they might think that's cool.

Anyway just be sure that you don't show any fear or hesitation.

>>298002
Oh god they change colors. Demons! Unless you're planning on killing this regime, I'd mosey on back. Not sure what she wanted us to do.

>>298007
that is kinda exactly what we are doing. we show him the "magic cylinder", aka, the barrel of our gun. he looks right in it and BANG. gnoll leader is gone.

TK 2011/04/21(Thu)12:14 No. 298061 ID: 543aa6
File 130341329473.png - (17.83KB , 875x475 , 12c.png )

Just as I'm getting ready to put on my best tough guy face, there's a low rumble from inside, and I'm ushered in.

"Just kiddin'!" winks the skinny gnoll nervously, "No hard feelins, eh? Don't mention me!"

The fat one, for a change, doesn't echo his companion, doesn't guffaw. He just glances around and sweats.

Tell them to stop changing colors. It makes things confusing.

no, just go in.

>>298062
I'm pretty sure that's the effects of whatever was in that smoke.

TK 2011/04/21(Thu)12:37 No. 298065 ID: 543aa6
File 130341463119.png - (16.64KB , 875x475 , 13.png )

The big man is indeed. Dwarfing a small wooden desk, he takes up most of the otherwise featureless hut. He wears nothing but a pencil mustache and a nervous giggle.

"So! You're here to help, you say. That's good, because I've a problem that needs... helping with!"

>>298061
>>298065
I thought the door was changing colors but it occurs that could just be his enormous bulk taking up the entire open doorway.

Also, what the fuck is this guy? No snout, no gnoll.

Greet him friendly-like, appear open to his ideas. If this is the guy behind the gnoll that came to push the doc around we may have to save a bullet for him, but for now, keep your enemies close.

ask what the problem is. we may be able to work with it to make killing him easier.

I'm guessing the problem is his boner.

TK 2011/04/21(Thu)13:31 No. 298070 ID: 543aa6
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>>298067

I try and clear my throat. "You've got a problem. OK. Maybe I could be the solution."

He seems to like this idea. He grins wider, if that's possible.

"I'm living in a small pond. It's only got room for one big fish, and I'm the barracuda. This other guy, across town, he's a piranha. Or thinks he is."

He giggles.

"See, there's this little doctor. A witch doctor, you could say. I want you to kill him."

tell him you will look into it. then go to doc's place and tell him to fake his death.

>>298070
Welp. Combine face with bullets.

>>298074
This guy is built like a cape buffalo. Shooting him will only make him mad.

>>298075
He has massive eyeballs.

>>298076

And massive eyeballs make massive targets.

Give him a lead aspirin.

We're a little spendthrift with the murders. I like >>298070's idea. Although killing this guy could do our reputation some good, we probably want to be able to use his connections to get to a bigger pond, so to speak. Let's help the good doctor fake his death, if that idea is agreeable to him. Otherwise, we can always go back and shoot this dude. No one here knows what a gun is.

>>298206
What you're linking is the story post not someone's idea.
I assume you meant >>298073

>>298280
Oh, yeah. Misclick. Thanks, Weaver.

TK 2011/04/24(Sun)17:43 No. 298962 ID: 543aa6
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I casually put my hand in my pocket and my finger on the trigger. He can't see it, but I'm aiming right at him. Part of me >>298074 >>298109 wants to off him here and now.

But >>298073 >>298206 there are other ways to play this. I stall for time as I try and decide.

"Why?"

He giggles like that's a silly question. Maybe it is. "That's easy. I want him dead because he cramps my business. And," he leans in conspiratorially, "I can make you a very rich man. Think about it. Think about it! A man like that - a doctor, in a place like this? A man with the power over life and death?" He sits back in his chair. "No one man should have all that power."

>>298962
"So you want your power of death to overthrow his power of life?"

Shoot him. Once in the gut and once in each lung.

"Lets test your conviction, then."

>>298962
Stupid. Shoot him in the eyes. If he's too tough to die I doubt his eyes are bulletproof.

yeah, eyes shots then run. no eyes means is fucked up even if he lives.

If you're gonna shoot him -- and it looks like that's our best bet, because we may not have a chance like this again -- shoot him in the head. Aim for the eyes but if you miss, don't sweat it. Just make sure you don't make him mad.
Don't shoot him in the gut/lungs though. That's just hateful. We're above such pettiness.

>>298967
This is a great idea.

I agree. Eye shots.

>>298986

Head shots.

>>298962
Oh, and back up first. Don't want to be within his reach.

TK 2011/04/28(Thu)02:05 No. 299824 ID: 543aa6
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I've heard enough.

I aim for an eye the size of a dinner plate.

The force of the bullet tears out the front of my pocket and the back of his head.

He struggles to stand as his remaining good eye tries to focus on something, me, anything.

There's a commotion from the two guards outside. It's got a nice ring to it.

>>299824
>He struggles to stand as his remaining good eye tries to focus on something, me, anything.
That's a visceral fucking image.

Take a step back. I don't think he's going to survive a bullet through the brain.

He's gone. He just ain't done movin' around yet.

As for the gnolls, I don't think you need to flee from Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. Just let 'em know you did that, and you'll happily do it to them too if they try anything.

>>299824
Tell dumb and dumber to come in and clean up the mess. Either they'll refuse and you'll have to kill them or they'll comply. After the first obeyed order they won't be able to resist.

good thing it's am ogre. if it was a troll then running would of been the better option.

anyway. tell them that you killed the boss, and so now you are the boss.

TK 2011/05/11(Wed)20:35 No. 303560 ID: 543aa6
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The big fish finally stops flopping around and slumps over his desk.

One of the gnolls bursts into the hut - his counterpart cautiously peeks his head in. I decide to go hard on them while I have their attention, and before their fear turns to aggression. Making my voice booming and menacing, I try not to think about the fact that I'm attempting to intimidate monsters.

"OK, boys! Listen up and listen good, or you're next, got it? Here's what's what-"

I back away to give myself some room, and try to keep them at bay with my gun pressed to my side. Funny thing is, as horrified as they both look, they barely glance at the pistol - and they're not the first to give me the feeling that no one here even knows what a gun is.

"Took his eyeball right from his head, he did!" exclaims the skinny one, looking sick and confused, "Plucked it out from across the very room!"

The fat one pipes up from the doorway, "Killed him with fire, he did! I saw it! Fire from his very pockets! Some kinda wizard, I says!"

>>303560

"That's right. I am a wizard. Now if you both don't back off, I'm gonna wizard up a hole in each of ya, got it?"

Stay on target. Keep them focused on your point, which is that shit's gonna be different now, and also you are to be feared and respected. Tell them you will find it in your generous nature to let them go and live the rest of their lives in peace but if they fucking step to you you will turn them inside out.

I'd call this a victory.

TK 2011/05/13(Fri)00:05 No. 303848 ID: 543aa6
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"That's right, pal - I'm a wizard. Now-"

Before I can finish, he drops his spear and bolts out the door, screaming.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH! WIZARD! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

The gnoll runs after his fat friend, who's already booked it. At a distance, and not slowing his pace, he yells at me over his shoulder.

"Don't you move! There's plenty of bad men on this island who'd be glad to take the head of a wizard, and I'm gonna tell all of them about you! So just you stay right there!"

The fat one nods his head as he runs.

"You stay to meet them huh huh huh"

>>303848

Yeah, let's not stick around for long.

Loot anything you see. Try to find a change of clothes, seeing as a black trenchcoat is rather unusual for this region.

Do not stay to meet them huh huh huh

Get out of town, or at least out of this hut. Tell the doctor that his problems are solved, then go looking for Taxi Rabbit again.

Rummage through the big guy's belongings in a hurry. Take anything that looks valuable, or informative. Guy running a racket like this must have had something to keep his ducks in a row. Then get the hell out of here and rendezvous with your mysterious friend in the forest. I'd say don't go see the doc first, if only because we're short on time.

TK 2011/07/14(Thu)23:09 No. 326499 ID: 543aa6
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I case the joint. The room's as bare as the fat corpse, already starting to stink. The drawers of the desk offer up a few gold coins - which I pocket - and nothing else. I try to be quick, but it already feels like I've been here for a couple months when I hear someone clearing their throat behind me.

The rabbit stands casually in the doorway. "Not that I'm complaining, and I know he won't be missed, but you didn't have to kill him. Part of the plan?"

I shrug. "Turned out to be."

"Well, you're about to be real popular. I don't know how you got in, but there's only one way out of Isla Jaula. The boat's unloading prisoners tonight at the northern shore. Be there when the moon is overhead. Don't be seen."

"Thanks." As I step out, she brushes past me. "There's nothing in there. I checked."

"It's OK," she says, over her shoulder, "The safe's hidden under the desk."

I walk outside, into the woods.

Clearly there's more at work here than we understand.

It's time for a frank re-appraisal of our surroundings.
I imagine that, as a private eye, you didn't get very far without knowing what was what. You had to know the score to do your job, let alone survive, and there's no reason to abandon that now.
Until she said something, we didn't even know the NAME of where we were. We still don't know the lay of the land, the key players... we don't know much of anything. We need to learn.

Downside is that for one, it looks like we're leaving this place, maybe for good, in a short time. So it might be a little late to scope your surroundings. And for another, it seems like we've blown whatever cover we may have had and our options on that front are now limited.
So instead of just walking out and leaving well enough alone, ask the girl if there's anywhere safe you can hide out until tonight, or perhaps another, less dangerous settlement for you so you can at least talk to some people who won't be out for your head.

Maybe we should check in with the doctor guy and mention how we kinda saved his life

Whoa whoa whoa. Follow her inside and see what's inside that safe.

>>326660
pretty sure it's too late for that. anyway sneak around and get back to the doc.

>>326661
>pretty sure it's too late for that.
No reason to assume. If we want to see what's in the safe we can stick around.