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423771 No. 423771 ID: c811c4

Today is the day that I have come to a revelation! It's so simple, I'm legitimately embarrassed.

I have clothes, water, and if the fish would bite, food! But! I have realized what I lack in life. And perhaps it's the single most important thing! Stories. Real ones.

I can make up stories until my face is blue, but I have nothing real! No experiences to at least ground the exaggerations in truth! Today, I must change this.

Alas, I have little idea of how, to simply put it, 'go out and make a story.'
Expand all images
>>
No. 423774 ID: 0006f5

does this end in fish transformation
>>
No. 423775 ID: a8e26e

Then onward to adventure!
You might want to bring some fish though.
>>
No. 423776 ID: 886a4d

A good story needs a person to sympathize with or revile. A good start is a name... whats yours?
>>
No. 423779 ID: 9718f3

I think it is important to decide what type of story to do the research for. A lone adventurer pursuing some grand treasure? A small band of heroes opposing a terrifying evil? A steamy romance? The story of a storyteller seeking real experiences with which to craft better stories? Something else?
>>
No. 423780 ID: 505b2f

Do we really have to make our own story? Can't we just become a bard or a skald, and record other peoples adventures and accomplishments?
>>
No. 423783 ID: c811c4
File 134002706093.png - (110.58KB , 700x700 , 2.png )
423783

>Fish transformation
An intriguing story right off the bat, but I lack the wizard powers or wizard companions to make it so! And either of those would also make for an interesting tale, come to think.

>Bring some fish
Working on it!

>Become a bard
>What's your name?
Allow me to address both! I am known around here as The Bard.
Or so is my wish. Yet at present, the other kobolds just call me Yapper, a name I am not exactly pleased about. Anyway, I need not make my own story, but I will if I must!

>Lone adventure pursuing treasure
>Small band of heroes opposing a terrifying evil
As luck would have it, this area is prime for all of the above! Granted I have holed myself up for years researching proper language and etiquitte and boring study. Nevertheless, I reside in an ancient mountain range ripe with all sorts of treasure and evils that lone and partied adventurers wish to test their mettle against. It's a shame the mere sight of me fills them with an unnatural desire to turn into murder machines. In other words, the only ones in these mountains who care to have their tales woven are also the ones who wish to kill me! A conundrum.

>Steamy romance
Always a classic. While adventurers may not come down with canoodling in mind, there are creatures of a female variant that reside down here! So many options, but perhaps I should pursue one for now. Right now, my book of tales is a book of blank pages!

Ah, a fish has bit.
>>
No. 423785 ID: 886a4d

Your a kobold scholar? How very rare... any interesting bits of forbidden lore or murky prophecies you come across?

Oh food would be good to so reel that fish in.
>>
No. 423786 ID: fa9f7e

>>423783
You look a bit big and spiky for a 'bold. Are you half-dragon or something?

Also, yes, catch some fish and lure a pretty 'bold over for a romantic dinner.
>>
No. 423792 ID: 505b2f

Any noteworthy kobolds that you know of? A great soldier or builder, someone whos actions are epic enough to be immortalized for the ages?
Or do you have any friends or family who could help you on our adventure.
>>
No. 423797 ID: e3f578

>>423783
Pursue one?
A real Bard would pursue them all!
Teach a young lass a tune in the night, flee her window in the morning from her angry father to avoid a bow wedding. Or fireblast wedding, it depends on the father.

Maybe even Flintlock wedding if you guys have invented pistols yet.
Never discriminate, imagine yourself with a very attractive noble human. Despite your animalistic appearance, you have wooed her with your charms. Then move on to a brutal female gnoll chieftain, warming her heart and loins on a single night! Next, a wonderful kobold waifu. Maybe even the occasional dude that looks like a lady, you don't discriminate! That's what being a Bard is about. And hell, get in a threesome. Doesn't matter which kind!

You should go to a Bard's college though as well. The three major skills of a Bard is his Speech, his Music, and his bed manner. All three very much a part of the cliche college experience.
>>
No. 423800 ID: c811c4
File 134003493532.png - (116.49KB , 700x700 , 3.png )
423800

>Reel in the fish
How I wish for a fishing pole of such advanced mechanations. In actuality, I would be happy for any fishing pole that proved more useful than my foot.

>Forbidden lore and murky prophecies
I, as a kobold, am somewhat at the bottom of the food chain. Well, aside from this fish. What I am getting at, is that forbidden lore would not be so forbidden if I were so easily to come across it, and murky prophecies are hardly worth recounting.

>Kobold scholar
>Big and spiky for a kobold
I flatter myself to no end. I have spent much of my studies learning proper language, but I regret to say that as a result, that exhausts the lists of things I am well versed in. As for my size, I am strong for a kobold and of a good shoulder above most others, but standing next to an orc is, to say the least, humbling. And to say the most? Rather terrifying. To put a long story short, I am all kobold, and rather proud of my spikes. Unlike many others, all of my horns are in one piece!
>>
No. 423801 ID: c811c4
File 134003497730.png - (97.98KB , 700x700 , 4.png )
423801

>Lure a pretty 'bold for a romantic dinner
Tempting, but this would turn finding a story dangerously close to a flimsy excuse for fooling around! The act may yield nothing more than an anecdote as well. Ah, but if I were to lure a pretty lady that was not a kobold, that could make for a fine story worth sharing, depending on how magnificent, or catastrophic, it would turn out.

>A human noble, also gnolls
Even I can only exaggerate so far! And even if I were to pursue such a thing, I would need tales and experience first! And I imagine I could hardly handle myself in a gnoll's bedskin! Even the gentle looking lizardfolk girls around here turn bedroom frolicking into a battle of skill and strength.

>Bard's College
I never could remember what that word 'college' ever meant.

>Noteworthy kobolds
Not a one. Oh sure, we have a few stronger-than-usual fighters, perhaps a few that have proven adept at making traps that actually spring when they are supposed to. Yet, some of the Powers That Be in this cavern don't have much of an appreciation for a kobold that attempts to stand out from the crowd.

As for my friends or family, well, my dear mother does not care for my interest in life outside kobold heirarchy and dank caves. And my friends, eh... well, there's Sili the hunteress and Reed the trapper. Both have shared words with me that I have understood to be, well, civil.
>>
No. 423807 ID: 886a4d

Would the two of them be amenable to an adventure? A quest? A journey? If so you might have your first adventuring party and the start of a story.

But in order to get them to come along you need a destination. Any legends of powerful artifacts around? Even a small treasure horde will make do.
>>
No. 423817 ID: e3f578

>>423801
Is Sili one of those girls that make bed frolicking a battle of skills and strength? Or do you only know about the quiet girls I assume you go after because apparently you've either heard things about them or experienced the mousey girls' ferocity in person to get over that quiet meek girl stereotype.

That or your entire clan is hardcore and quiet and mousey here ain't that quiet and mousey.

But yeah, lets hit up on an adventuring party. Get your lute though, or go buy one or make one, if you gonna be a bard you got channel some magic music. And if we're going to conquer non-kobold women (that aren't gnolls or nobles) to make interesting tales, you definitely need one for them to get over the fact that you're a kobold.
You may also desire to pick up some good shoes and clothes, akin to tale of DURK NUUK'ERM. No bard walks in bad fashion. Durk's legendary attire matching his inner natural badassiness is what attracted all those ladies. You just got to find the right clothes that show off your best features.
>>
No. 423821 ID: f7ae22

So what monster girls reside nearby?
>>
No. 423883 ID: c811c4
File 134005859503.png - (204.14KB , 700x700 , 5.png )
423883

Sili is one of those girls that requires more than a night of sweet talking to even let a raging campfire warm her. And I would be surprised if either of them wished to sacrifice their professions to give time to dangerous adventure. Does it hurt to ask? No.

>Where is the treasure and where are the monster girls?
We've got goblins with gold, our local dragon overseer with wealth you could swim in, a lich that must have all sorts of valuable knick knacks and shinies, dead adventurers to scavenge and live adventurers to make dead to scavenge! I'm sure the lizardfolk, naga, slimes, goblins, hobgoblins, surface level gnolls and all have valuables and girls!

Let's see if Sili is home.
>>
No. 423884 ID: c811c4
File 134005868020.png - (112.46KB , 700x700 , 6.png )
423884

>"Yapper. Why you come?"

Draconic. I have come to think to myself in Common, but I am an anamoly. Draconic has become somewhat... painful to speak in.

>"Sili! I wish talk. I come in?"
>"You come in. What talk about?"
>>
No. 423892 ID: f5b22e

>>423884
Tell her of your plans for adventure. Even the parts where you might be bed-wrestling with some exotic creatures. As you mentioned, she may not be interested in such things, but lying a member of your village, even by omission, would be unforgivable. Especially if you want her to come along.

If she isn't willing, at least ask her about any safe trails you could follow. Safe for you and the village, in case you guys try to stay hidden..
>>
No. 423895 ID: e3f578

Want to go out experience world,
Learn more.
You go?
You think Reed may want to go?
Anyone else that might be interested?
Help you get good looking clothes? Need a lady's opinion.
>>
No. 423898 ID: c891d3

>>423883
Wait, you have a lich and a dragon? That seems like a bloody power struggle waiting to happen.

Also, from the sounds of it, you could basically walk in a random direction and eventually you'd find adventure. Or it would find you.
>>
No. 423902 ID: b33427

Tell Sili that you've decided to leave the village and see the world; To have a real adventure worthy of being retold by storytellers and bards. You don't expect she'd want to come along, but you'd like some of her knowledge on traversing the caverns; If not safely, then less dangerously. You're also wondering if she's heard of anybody else in the village expressing even passing interest in leaving.

>>423884
...That's the language of dragons? ...It's rather blunt, isn't it? Well, unless some nuance was lost in translation to Common, in which case I withdraw my comment.

Have there been other kobolds that have left the village? If not for adventure, like you, how about ones who left because they got fed up with this village, or were exiled for what you'd consider stupid reasons? Maybe you could look for one of them.
>>
No. 423914 ID: 927efa

Want make poem in Draconic.
But my rhymes are too sick.
>>
No. 423923 ID: c811c4
File 134006790894.png - (103.62KB , 700x700 , 7.png )
423923

>Good clothes
Of course, I've been in the pursuit of such things for ages! Unfortunately for the name of good fashion, our tailors and clothiers are of the mindset that if it covers, it clothes.

>A Lich and Dragon is a power struggle just waiting to happen
If it is, it has been a long wait! The dragon is largely passive so long as she's left alone, and the Lich, well, sure, immortal embodiment of evil, but he's got manners. He would be a fine neighbor to have if one could ignore the bloody house decorations and occasional maniacal laughter.

>Draconic is rather blunt
It's what we call Draconic to ourself, but our dragon says that it's a mangled aberration of communication, and is highly offended we would call it Draconic. So we never say it's draconic around her. Now, she won't teach us proper draconic out of dragon's pride or something, so it's quite hypocritical. And that is never said aloud whether or not she is around.

"Adventure!"
>"What."
"Adventure! Uh... how say..."

Kobold Draconic is lacking words of 'romance' or 'love' or some sort. Oh, well, a bard must make do.
"Adventure and fucking. Want go?"
>"No. Is stupid with you. Suicide. Too soft. Not even have broken horn, and scales like baby."

I do wish we had a word for 'thank you.'
"Good! Okay. I go alone. Where good and least dangerous?"
>"Home."
"Beside home."
>"Ask dragon. Dragon have easy or suicide task depending on mood."


Well, there's that.
>>
No. 423925 ID: c811c4
File 134006796138.png - (88.24KB , 700x700 , 8.png )
423925

>Make poem in draconic
Draconic not language of romance or love.

>Would Reed want to go?
You know, he might not make any weapons with any talent, but he's also our only blacksmith that's managed to hang in that nice little spot between being completely useless, and being useful enough to end up getting snatched up by some gobbos. In short, the village needs him more than I!

>Have their been other kobolds that leave the village?
Willingly? Rarely. Exile is rare and serious, never unjustified, but sometimes the other races comes and takes one of us if they have use for a kobold, such as previous blacksmiths that were able to hammer metal into something that looked more like a blade than what they began with.

>You could probably find adventure or have it find you just by going in a random direction
Yes! I have custom dice, passed on to me by a dearly departed adventurer I know not the name of, for some random chance.

Letting dice decide my fate, or ask the dragon! Either one will cure me of my crippling indecision.
>>
No. 423926 ID: 6e44d2

Let's go have a chat with the dragon. I'm sick of these philistines.
>>
No. 423934 ID: b33427

Go see if the dragon has any work you could do, though try and find someone who has recently visited and ask what her mood is. Perhaps she might be a little less displeased if you speak in Common, and not the "mangled aberration" she's used to kobolds using. ...Unless she takes speaking anything other than draconic, even mangled kobold draconic, to her as an insult.

>>423925
"...but sometimes the other races comes and takes one of us if they have use for a kobold, such as previous blacksmiths that were able to hammer metal into something that looked more like a blade than what they began with."

Why? Are they suffering such a shortage of metalworkers that they have to enslave less-than-mediocre kobold blacksmiths? Or is it something else, like keeping kobolds from having any decent smiths?
>>
No. 423935 ID: 2ed56b

If the dragon is Leimahtaa this is going to be so much win.
>>
No. 424003 ID: c811c4
File 134008297121.png - (111.25KB , 700x700 , 9.png )
424003

>Why are they taking blacksmiths?
Blacksmiths was but an example and their lack of skill exaggerated, we'll be up for grabs if we show much competence in just about any profession, fighting and craft alike. Not too bad, though. I believe enslaved kobolds are still treated decently all things considered, and it's better than all of us getting driven out.

Now, gathering my things and my lute, I head down to the dragon's lair! Kind of a thin little path. Just a little farth--

"What fish-smelling kobold enroaches onto my lair without invitation?!"

Actual draconic. To be truthful with myself, all I caught was "What fish smell kobold enroach on lair", but I filled in the blanks. Anywho, I do imagine that if she wanted to kill me, she'd wait for my timely arrival in her kill zone!
>>
No. 424005 ID: 132b99

speak in whatever language she hates less, "one of your humble kobold servants. i wish to ask a question."
>>
No. 424015 ID: 886a4d

One of your humble servents, I seek glory in your name and wish a task to do so.
>>
No. 424018 ID: b85f8c

Speak in Common. Why not? She dislikes your half-draconic language and would be offended if you tried to speak actual Draconic.
>>
No. 424019 ID: d5ee6f

>>424003
Bard-Without-Stories comes. Wishes to know if you may scratch itches or small tasks.
>>
No. 424023 ID: c811c4
File 134008485132.png - (138.29KB , 700x700 , 10.png )
424023

She hates Common quite passionately! Therefore, of the two languages, I will speak Common.

"One of your humble kobold servants."

>"Your attempts at Common amuse me. Come into my lair, and make it good, kobold."

She's bigger than I remember.

"I am called Bard-Without-Stories, and wish to change it! I wish for a task to perform! If I may boast, I am an adept itch-scratcher and have been known to complete small tasks successfully in the past."
>"And you think you can accomplish that which I cannot?"
"Not in the slighest, Dragon with what I am pretty sure is sitting on top of the world's supply of gold! Merely the tasks which you would like to see completed, yet not sully your claws with."
>"You know how to speak, I will give you that, fish kobold. Even if it is in the language of peasants. Perhaps you are not dumb as clay, either? I trust that you would not come to me without some kind of gift?"

I cannot say that I trust that, myself. I would have thought offering myself for a task was a gift!
>>
No. 424025 ID: d5ee6f

>>424023
Present the fish. "A poor gift from a poor presenter. This fish is my past. Surviving only for the sake of eating and breeding, then one day killed by a force beyond my command. With your direct, next time I meet with you I will bring spoils far greater."
>>
No. 424026 ID: 132b99

or perhaps your pole, say "that which is my lively hood in the village, with giving this to you i have nothing to turn back to if i fail, thus driving me harder to succeed."
>>
No. 424034 ID: c811c4
File 134008884438.png - (78.80KB , 700x521 , 11.png )
424034

"This fish... is my past! Surviving only for the sake of eating and breeding, only to one day be -"
>"Ah, yes, you must be the one they called Yapper. I figured that you were not actually Bard-Without-Stories. You're a kobold. Not a bard. I will accept your fish. Toss it in."

I'll need a better fishing pole. Right now she will probably see it as two sticks tied together with a string. Mostly because it is two sticks tied together with a string.
>>
No. 424036 ID: c811c4
File 134008891588.png - (98.30KB , 700x700 , 12.png )
424036

>"As a matter of fact, I do owe our Lich neighbor a favor. To my left left, there is a purple potion I have had prepared, and it has waited much time to be used. It is for the Lich."
"A present?"
>"You can think of it like that, yes. I wish for you to find the Lich. Then take the bottle, and throw it at him. Don't worry, you need not aim well. Just so long as you hit his general vicinity, your mission will be accomplished."
>>
No. 424037 ID: 299ed3

>>424034
That fish looks so happy.
>>
No. 424038 ID: 132b99

bow and take the potion. be careful not to rustle any coins. then leave after saying the standard parting phrase or whatever. this is obviously a suicide mission and we will need a way to come out of this alive.
>>
No. 424039 ID: 132b99

>>424037
the snack that smiles back, goldfish
>>
No. 424040 ID: b59bfb

>>423771
But can the dragon see why kids love cinnamon toast crunch?
>>
No. 424051 ID: c811c4
File 134009418869.png - (96.67KB , 700x700 , 13.png )
424051

>That fish looks happy
An expression everyone should strive for on death.

"It shall be done!"
>"Good."

Or so I would like to say, but it would appear I am in considerable peril. What to do, then... try and locate an alchemist to attempt an identification of this magic, or head straight to the mission and hope that this is a Potion of Instant Lich Incinerator. I think we may have a kobold alchemist of questionable talent, and I am certain there is a goblin alchemist of questionable ethics out there.
>>
No. 424052 ID: 04b86a

>>424051
>What to do, then...
Let's put it this way: would you rather annoy a dragon by not performing a task you had agreed to do and, indeed, had actually requested, or annoy a Lich by being a pawn in a dragon's prank?
>>
No. 424054 ID: 132b99

very good chance they have been doing this shit to each other for a while. anyway, yell "preasent from the dragon" when you throw it.
>>
No. 424061 ID: 927efa

She never said you couldn't analyze it. Anyway, whether you analyze it by testing it on yourself, or throw it in the lich's face, it's sure to make a good story.
>>
No. 424063 ID: c811c4
File 134009995483.png - (82.49KB , 700x700 , 14.png )
424063

To the lich, then! It will be a story of brash action.

But first, an unavoidable trek through the commons that lie between my village and the Lich, where numerous races trade as best as their aggressive minds can handle. An easy place for a kobold to get bullied! But I am heading to the lich where few tread, near the back of the commons at that, so dodging trouble is trivial.
>>
No. 424064 ID: c811c4
File 134010009941.png - (181.85KB , 700x700 , 15.png )
424064

Unsurprinsingly the hall leading to the lich is abandoned and lifeless, until the partially collapsed gate to the catacombs are in view! As with a couple of skeletons.

>"'ey 'bold. Yer far from home. Best scurry off, you and yer stomach will be better off far far away from here." the closer one says.
>"Kobolds don't know normal language, ya know." the one in the back responds.
>"You serious?"

Before I can intervene with the obvious fact, the closer one that spoke to me begins waving his hands and going 'shoo', the silliness of the act only partially mitigated by the fact that it is a moving skeleton with a sword that is performing this.
>>
No. 424065 ID: 132b99

"i have been sent to give a gift to your master from the dragon"
>>
No. 424070 ID: d5ee6f

>>424064
Ask them what being a skeleton is like. No offence, but uh, everyone back home assumed you couldn't talk or anything.

Oh, also you'd like to talk to the lich. The dragon gave you this potion to throw at him which you assume will do Bad Shit. This is clearly a suicide mission AND she insulted you, so you feel like switching sides.
>>
No. 424075 ID: 505b2f

I tought this was going to be a story of BRASH ACTION! So if you think you are fast enough you should dash past the skeleton guards onward into the catacombs!
But if you are not confident in your speed maybe we could distract the guards somehow? Like pretending we can't talk or undestand common and just start exitedly speaking nonsense in draconic and start waving your hands and making cross or other holy symbols with your hands and pointing behind you.
>>
No. 424081 ID: e3f578

You have a very nice Skull, sir. Do you polish it? And where do you buy your clothes!? I must know! The kobold selection here is terrible!
>>
No. 424094 ID: c6ec33

Explain, in your flowery bard-like prose, that you have a delivery to make to the Lich. When asked why you should be allowed past, remind them that A) You're a harmless kobold, especially in comparison to the mighty Lich, B) the living generally intend to keep on living, so you do not plan to do anything stupid to upset the Lich, and C) If the Lich is disappointed with the delivery, would it not be easier to relay that to the messenger rather than one of the skeletons? You take pride in your work, and would like to see it through carefully.
>>
No. 424113 ID: c811c4
File 134013868368.png - (88.75KB , 700x700 , 16.png )
424113

"I have brought a delivery for your lich! Note the harmlessness of this kobold, especially in comparison to the mighty lich! Also, where do you get those fine clothes?!"
>"Well color me surprised. Kid, I'm dead. I don't know where I got these clothes from. A delivery ... oh, a purple potion. One of the things that the Lich explicitly said not to allow inside. Yeah, sorry, no. Turn around kid, or things are going to get ugly. Hell, we're supposed to kill you for carrying that, but I feel a little bad."
>>
No. 424118 ID: 132b99

"well i'm dead ether way then. seriously, i can't go back to the dragon and say i failed. how about i leave it out here with you guys?"
>>
No. 424120 ID: b85f8c

Ask why it's forbidden; you weren't told what it does.
>>
No. 424124 ID: 42491f

Apparently, things like dye and colored glass are too obvious for whatever game of wits the dragon and the lich are playing.

Either that, or she's trying to get you killed.

Anyway, ask if the lich could come outside instead. Then you could complete your assignment without getting the skeletons to break any rules.
>>
No. 424128 ID: e3f578

>>424113
"Oh, so the Dragon doesn't like me and wants me dead.
Figures.
Man, I give her a fish and talk decently to her and she sends me on a suicide mission to further her political agenda without even telling me? All I just wanted to find a reason to leave this place and become a bard. Now she gets to tell the tale of how she sent a foolish naive kobold to his death. Dammit. Well unless i return, but then it turns to a tale of how she burnt me to a crisp or stomped me. Got any ideas, politically I mean, on how to solve this? I do not think I can return home anymore."
>>
No. 424134 ID: bccf7b

>>424113
"So wait, it's NOT a special skin cream?"
>>
No. 424165 ID: d5ee6f

> This is clearly a suicide mission AND she insulted you, so you feel like switching sides.

I told you so
>>
No. 424217 ID: 0b7fa2

flick a little bit onto them, they are products of the lich.
>>
No. 424224 ID: 886a4d

>>424217
This.
>>
No. 424259 ID: b33427

...Great, so the dragon sent you on a hopeless mission, and you should have died right here. She almost certainly didn't even give you a potion that does anything; It's probably diluted purple dye, or something.

Thank the skeleton guard for not killing you, then go find that ethically-challenged goblin alchemist to confirm whether the potion does jack or not.

>>424224
No, don't do that. He actually decided not to kill you for having that when he has orders to do so, and that's reason enough to not sprinkle mystery potion on him.
>>
No. 424268 ID: 927efa

Drink the delicious grape ape!
>>
No. 424323 ID: c811c4
File 134018305676.png - (101.74KB , 700x700 , 17.png )
424323

"Wait, it's not a special skin cream?"
>".... heh. No."

>Flick it on them
For the briefest of moments I would, but magic potions do not work like this! An entire dose (that's one entire bottle unless otherwise stated) must be used to have any significant effect! Otherwise it will simply taste of magic. And drinking it will be crossing a line from brash to ridiculous!

Despite my earlier decision that this will be a story of BRASHness, I suppose it is not too late to make it a story of CAUTION and head to a goblin alchemist after all. It is a crossroads, to do combat with the element of surprise, or head to the goblin halls and hope it doesn't backfire horribly! Regardless, a bard knows when the time for words has passed, and I will not speak to these skeletons! Although their gesture of not slaying me where I stand will not pass unappreciated, they have shown no reason nor intent to help me in an active fashion.
>>
No. 424325 ID: b85f8c

>>424323
Can you even fight? Well, if you've got any confidence at all let's make with the combat.
>>
No. 424328 ID: 886a4d

He doesn`t even have a weapon and they have swords. Even if he had the money to buy one everyone is always taking away the decent kobold smiths!

I recommend not actually fighting them... do you think you can sneak around them?

If not then ya time to head to goblin lands... if the alchemist can't tell you anything at the very least you can buy / steal a sword.
>>
No. 424329 ID: 299ed3

Ask them if they have any leftover equipment from ill-fated adventurers they're willing to part with.
>>
No. 424330 ID: 886a4d

They probably ARE the ill-fated adventurers... I don't think the lich gets many other human guests.
>>
No. 424403 ID: b33427

It is rather hard to be BRASH when you're head height with the bottom of your opponent's ribcage. For now take a detour on the path of CAUTION and seek out the goblin alchemist.

Before you do, though, get a small container and pour a sample of the potion into it for the alchemist to test, then hide the remainder. This is so, in the very far outside chance it actually is valuable, the goblin alchemist doesn't just take it from you.
>>
No. 424437 ID: c811c4
File 134022734848.png - (132.21KB , 700x700 , 18.png )
424437

"Say, do any of you fine bones have any leftover equipment from ill-fated adventurers?"
>"Yes."
"Ah, because I am in ne-"
>"Kid, that was a 'yes' we have some, not a 'yes and you may help yourself.'
"Ah, I see, well that is--"

>Are you confident about fighting?
Although strong for a kobold, I can't tell how strong these boney folk are!

>Sneak past
This, however...

>"Hey. HEY. Damnit."
Strong for a kobold, but exceptionally fast for anyone!
>>
No. 424438 ID: c811c4
File 134022739518.png - (169.00KB , 700x700 , 19.png )
424438

Wow, it stinks in here. These halls are all twisty and ill-planned. No other undead to be seeeeEEN.

>"Hey there, little buddy. Heard you got past my guards. What's up? Did you come to try and find your lost sense of self-preservation?"

Now would be a good time to think up a witty one liner.
>>
No. 424439 ID: 886a4d

Left it behind when I asked a dragon for a task to earn a story. Here... catch.
>>
No. 424446 ID: b4798d

>>424439

Pretty much.
>>
No. 424452 ID: bccf7b

>>424438

You know, the dragon obviously planned on getting us killed. Why not make a story where we... DEFEAT the dragon?

I'm sure the lich would be happy to have someone on the inside and to top it off? Who would suspect a kobold in a camp of kobolds?
>>
No. 424455 ID: b85f8c

You should definitely say "Don't kill the messenger" at some point. Probably while running away.
>>
No. 424458 ID: c811c4
File 134023170972.png - (129.66KB , 700x700 , 20.png )
424458

"I left that behind when I asked a dragon for a story! Catch, and remember, don't kill the messenger!"

>"Caught. What's this? A potion of sprouting flowers? Oh. Heh. That's kind of funny. That drrr... agon bet me I was actually full of flowers, and she claimed that she could prove it. And here she wanted to take the literal route. I admit that is clever, but the execution... not so much."

>Make a story of defeating the dragon
This is sounding very appealing right now.

"Er.. yes! But you see, dearest Lich, I've actually come to join your side against the dragon that clearly sent me on a suicide mission!"
>>
No. 424459 ID: c811c4
File 134023173059.png - (111.48KB , 700x700 , 21.png )
424459

PSHEWW
The lich's scepter thing just sparked?

>"Please excuse my staff. It does that whenever someone blatantly lies. Do go on."
>>
No. 424461 ID: 35037c

>>424439
"And that's all she wrote"
but don't say that part it's a quote from real life...
>>
No. 424463 ID: 886a4d

Jab the potion bottle with your fishing pole then skedaddle.
>>
No. 424470 ID: 927efa

I came because a dragon would probably eat me unless I did what she asked, which is to throw that at you. She didn't say you couldn't catch it. Now I'm going to go do sane things like hunting or knitting, if you please.
>>
No. 424486 ID: bdb3f8

...s'not blatant. It's becoming more and more true with each passing moment.
>>
No. 424487 ID: a2fa74

>>424459
"Oh, good! That means it wasn't a suicide mission!
Alright, nice meeting you, then!"
Then leave.
>>
No. 424491 ID: b85f8c

>>424470
That's true. She just said throw it at him. And it hit his general vicinity. She didn't say it would have to break. So we've completed the task as it was ordered.

Now we should just maybe try getting him to not kill us.
>>
No. 424502 ID: e3f578

>>424459
"Well, actually, I have no real idea what I want. So that's probably why it went off. Dragons are just as scary as you. I just want my skin on tight and to give birth to a legend, really. I am fast and I think fast too, and I'm useful. Could I take on that dragon? No, not yet. But I would like an investment of sorts to that end. I'm not partial to any side, and I'm a wild card. An important pawn to whatever game you guys are playing. Don't you get bored with how things are with the dragon currently? You have eternal life, entertainment is really one of the only thing left a lich can value, right? I can spice things up! Look, I just spiced things up getting in here!"
>>
No. 424503 ID: 886a4d

Do you really want to go near a dragon whos task you just failed in spirit if not in letter? Try to at least knock it out of his hands.

If you fail it might be wise to leave the mountains altogether.
>>
No. 424505 ID: bccf7b

>>424459

"So if I told you my dick's actually as long as my arm...?"

I could have so much fun with this...
>>
No. 424508 ID: f387a1

How can we know if he's not lying?
>>
No. 424509 ID: b33427

>>424505
Oh, yes! Close your eyes, look at the floor, and tell him the most blatant whopper of a lie you can think of. That staff will go off like flash-powder in his face. Keep spouting as many massive lies as you can think of while running in an evasive pattern out of here.
>>
No. 424514 ID: c811c4
File 134023962737.png - (98.44KB , 700x700 , 22.png )
424514

>Close eyes and tell lies to set the staff off in his face
"So if I told you my dick was as long as my arm?"

Perhaps that is not a strong enough lie to -

FOOSH
>"Haha, it's never went off that strongly before."

....
>>
No. 424517 ID: c811c4
File 134023971042.png - (72.24KB , 700x700 , 23.png )
424517

>Use the sticks fishing pole to break the potion!
Now's the chance!
It.. it's disintegrating as soon as it gets close.

>"I meant go on with words. Is that fear? Don't bother running, my 'face melts off at a temperature higher than you can count to' spell has a formidable range!"

I'm like an open book to him.
>>
No. 424518 ID: c811c4
File 134023972218.png - (178.59KB , 700x700 , 24.png )
424518

"Okay, seriously! My wanting to switch sides was not a blatant lie, it's becoming truer with each moment! That dragon would probably eat me if I didn't do as she asked, and she only said to throw it at you! She didn't say you couldn't catch. My mission here is done! So, I hope that I, uh, entertained you during my visit! I do spice things up, right? But now I should be off to do more sane things like hunting or knitting! It was nice meeting you."
>"Oh, I'd say the same, but I think it's still nice meeting you, not was. I think you can do something for me, if you like spicing things up. A little payback for a dragon that got way in over her tiny little head. But first, it has been so long since I've had a living visitor, and I do get lonely. Won't you stay? I have some lovely alcohol that's been aged to perfection. Maybe in a cozier atmosphere I'd be more willing to listen to whatever ramblings you may have."

I never thought about rotten ice before, but that is how he smells.
>>
No. 424521 ID: e3f578

>>424518
"Are you like a lady lich or something? Not that I suppose it makes much difference since once you go lich, you never go back. And mortal terms hardly mean anything more. Wait, can you go back to being mortal if you wish, or set up some kind of time share in a mortal's body to experience their experiences and feelings just to get some nostalgia or something? Nostalgia's gotta be, like, on the prime market for immortals."
>>
No. 424522 ID: b9d767

>>424518
Soooo, what exactly did you have in mind? Can't so much as breath without that bitch's say-so, so count me in.
>>
No. 424523 ID: 2bafff

Ask about what he wants you to do make sure you are not being sent on another suicide mission.
>>
No. 424524 ID: 78ef99

"sure"
>>
No. 424533 ID: b85f8c

>>424518
Accept, because well... if you don't... you'll be dead.
>>
No. 424535 ID: b33427

Have an absolutely perfect response pop into your head, ready to be said. Now if only you weren't overcome with a tidal wave of nausea from the lich's breath, you could actually say it. Instead blanch, squeak out "sure," and turn away to vomit into a conveniently reachable urn you just happened to grab in the nick of time.
>>
No. 424547 ID: f7ae22

Accept the invitation and turn on all your bardly charm. Remember, steamy romance with a lich would make a good story!
>>
No. 424549 ID: c811c4
File 134024854170.png - (163.16KB , 700x700 , 25.png )
424549

"...sure."
>"Good choice."

I end up in a surprisingly cozy room after all. It is old and smells of mildew, but given the inhabitants, I couldn't complain.

And I don't know what this drink it but it is delicious. But I really am going to hurl if she doesn't take a few steps back.

"Soooo what did you have in mind for payback?"
>"I believe you're familiar with this one. I want you to take a potion I will give you. Then go to the dragon. But this time, instead of throwing it at the dragon, you're to drink the potion yourself."
"This drink is excellent. So.. are you a lady lich or something? I suppose it doesn't make much difference, since unless I am sorely mistaken, once you go lich you never go back! Unless you can go back to mortal, perhaps temporarily? Take over a body, say, experience their experiences, feel some nostalgia?"
>"... are you hitting on me?"
"... would you melt my face off if I said yes?"
>"Perhaps."
"And if I said no?"
>"Perhaps."
>>
No. 424554 ID: b85f8c

>>424549
Well, we'd like to have our face unmelted so just say it'll have to remain a mystery.
>>
No. 424559 ID: e3f578

>>424549
"Well, I'm just curious how Lich's deal with their eternal life. Eternal life is long, yo! And sure, you sacrifice your flesh and soul and put it in a little phylactery in exchange for power and eternity, but what do you really DO with eternal power? Taking over the world is a burden thanks to the crazy amount of required management. You can torture souls and play devil for a bit but that'll get old after fifty years or two. You can get all the cash you want with your power, but collecting material possessions also gets kinda old. Maybe take on a god, see how it goes, etc. But then you have to step it up! Where do you go from there?"
>>
No. 424560 ID: fa9f7e

>>424549
"Have you ever heard of Schrodinger's cat? It's relevant here, I feel. The answer is whatever you want it to be, O Lady. I am your servant in this and all things until I'm out of your face-melting spell's range, which will be quite some time. And even then, given that you could follow me if need be, I will still probably be loyal to you out of sheer terror for quite some time afterward."
>>
No. 424561 ID: e3aff6

Then our answer is perhaps.
>>
No. 424566 ID: 09e5bf

Say yes. You want to be a bard, correct? You want a story, yes?

Then say yes.
>>
No. 424571 ID: b85f8c

>>424561
This seems absurdly appropriate.
>>
No. 424576 ID: fed066

>>424560

"Say, middle age alternate reality lich, have you ever heard of 20th century physicist Erwin Schrödinger?"
>>
No. 424577 ID: fa9f7e

>>424576
Yep. If she doesn't, then it'll be a hell of a story to tell.
>>
No. 424587 ID: f7ae22

The lich's scepter goes off when you tell blatant lies, so there is no way getting around telling the lich that you want to jump its bones. Admit you're hitting on the lich.
>>
No. 424590 ID: 2bafff

indefinite answers always that is the way around the scepter
>>
No. 424591 ID: c811c4
File 134025283641.png - (83.83KB , 700x700 , 26.png )
424591

"Per..."

>You want to be a bard, right? Have a story?
>Turn bardly charm on to max
"Yes. Yes I am."

She's.. laughing. She? I think a she. I hope? I think her laughing is a good thing. I hope. Why didn't the staff go off?

>"Then maybe you should impress me and get to your job, yes? Remember, back to the dragon, drink the potion!"
"O-okay, then I'll be off."
>"Oh, and one last question, little guy, since you're so nice and honest."
"Yes?"
>>
No. 424592 ID: c811c4
File 134025285201.png - (64.82KB , 700x700 , 27.png )
424592

>"Do my robes make me look fat?"
>>
No. 424595 ID: 2bafff

"no you look very skinny, skeletal even."
>>
No. 424599 ID: c891d3

>>424595
Crack a really stupid smile while saying this.
>>
No. 424600 ID: b85f8c

OH GOD, THAT QUESTION.

>>424595
Aaaaand a perfect answer. Except I wouldn't begin with no, just go "I'd say you look" etc etc
>>
No. 424601 ID: f7ae22

"How could I answer such a question before seeing you without your robes?"
>>
No. 424602 ID: e3aff6

>>424600
Yes.
>>
No. 424604 ID: fed066

Just flatter her by contrasting her with someone even gnarlier.

"Not as fat as your mom. Damn she was one ugly bitch, and loose as shit."
>>
No. 424607 ID: fa9f7e

>>424601
Hell yes
>>
No. 424608 ID: ca23b7

"Not when you're standing and it can hang freely but they do puff out and give that impression now that you're sitting."
>>
No. 424611 ID: a3b384

>>424601
This for maximum hilarity.
>>
No. 424613 ID: e3f578

No, but it does make you look very poofy and fluffy.
>>
No. 424617 ID: b33427

"Yes, they do make your extremely svelte form look fat; You should remove them." Then immediately think "where the fuck did that come from?!" Chug down the rest of your drink, grab the potion, and skedaddle before the lich can take your advice.

...Can you even tell what species the lich is, or was? Looks lizard-y, maybe dragon-y.
>>
No. 424619 ID: bccf7b

>>424592

Now that's a trap if I've ever heard one!

>>424601

... Yeah, this guy knows what he's doing. That's a +20 competence bonus to Dodge answer, right there.
>>
No. 424620 ID: 09e5bf

>>424601
This.
>>
No. 424622 ID: 2bafff

you fool you will destroy us all!
>>
No. 424623 ID: c811c4
File 134025548626.png - (93.11KB , 700x700 , 28.png )
424623

>Can you tell what species the lich is.
I have NO idea.

>How could I answer such a question before seeing you without your robes?
It is... a tale of BRASHNESS.

"Well, how can I ever answer that, when I when I have never seen you without your robes?"
>"Because I was asking if these robes make me look fat, bonebrain, not what lies underneath. Clever try, but you're still dodging the question.."

She didn't miss a beat before answering. Falling back to plan B!

"Then you look very skinny, why, even skeletal!"

....
>>
No. 424624 ID: c811c4
File 134025549522.png - (103.21KB , 700x700 , 29.png )
424624

FOOSH
>>
No. 424625 ID: 132b99

"okay fine, the robes are poofy as hell"
>>
No. 424627 ID: b85f8c

>>424624
What? But that's technically true!

But okay the robes are really bulky.
>>
No. 424628 ID: 2bafff

"you must have a lot of extra room in those robes"
>>
No. 424629 ID: b9d767

Don't give me that look, "does this make me look fat" questions have no real right answer, and you know it!
>>
No. 424630 ID: b85f8c

Waaait a minute. She can activate the staff on purpose, can't she.
>>
No. 424632 ID: 09e5bf

>>424630
This is what I am thinking.
>>
No. 424633 ID: 927efa

Say "The staff will flash." Hopefully it will explode trying to figure that one out.
>>
No. 424634 ID: 132b99

>>424633
haha good one. if it flashes, it's the truth,if it doesn't then it's a lie
>>
No. 424635 ID: c4e8ee

You may as well just admit it now.
Shrug and admit "I do find those robes make you you fat. Why, are you considering sending me to find you nicer ones after the dragon?"

>>424633
Why would he ruin her staff, not to mention it seems to detect if the person is lying not if the statement is true or not. If it could the staff would let you know anything and she would probably be a lot more powerful than she is now.
>>
No. 424636 ID: c811c4
File 134025789704.png - (71.01KB , 700x700 , 30.png )
424636

"Okay, okay, the robes around your form do lend you to be a smidgen on the pudgy side!"
.... my bardic charms can only work so many miracles! I need something else!

"The staff will flash!"

...

>"Ah, but you didn't say when. It is in your best interests to calmly stay here for awhile."

FOOSH
>>
No. 424637 ID: fa2730

But the classic "This statement is false" should still work. She'll probably kill us for doing it though.
>>
No. 424638 ID: b85f8c

Run away!
>>
No. 424639 ID: 6d1ffc

Calmly run away. Like you were jogging, and don't forget to say your farewells!
>>
No. 424641 ID: c4e8ee

"I'll be gone then" and leave, no need to panic.
>>
No. 424642 ID: e3f578

>>424636
Isn't the FOOSH the flash?
"It is a good robe, looks very comfy and poofy, all royal-like where do you buy your clothes?"
>>
No. 424643 ID: c4e8ee

>>424642
Yes that was the flash as in it's NOT a good idea to "calmly stay here for awhile".
>>
No. 424651 ID: c811c4
File 134026050995.png - (100.44KB , 700x700 , 31.png )
424651

It is time to not push my luck, as the Bard knows when to take a hint!
And it is time to calmly jog away! After getting the potion in question and all of that.

Now, flinging a mystery potion at a lich is one thing, but now it has been swapped for another mystery fluid that I'm supposed to just outright drink! And again, I can't game the potion with sips! If it has any effect, I must drink the whole thing. I can continue the BRASH tale and head straight to the dragon, or, in future retellings, the lich encounter shall be the lesson in favor of CAUTION, and the kobold shall attempt to appraise this!

I say this, yet simply appraising it is a danger in itself once again. Perhaps the goblins should be less of a danger in retellings, should the CAUTION theme not be undermined.
>>
No. 424655 ID: b85f8c

>>424651
Don't drink unidentified potions, dude. Get that shit appraised. Though honestly you just need to make sure it won't kill you or otherwise do anything permanent, right?

Maybe the shitty kobold alchemist would be good enough for that.
>>
No. 424656 ID: 09e5bf

Go with Brashness.
>>
No. 424658 ID: 886a4d

If the potion for the lich was a flower bomb this is probably either a love potion or a super charisma potion... seems instead of a deadly duel of wits your in the middle of a prank war.
>>
No. 424659 ID: f7ae22

>>424651
Double down on the danger and dash to the dragon. The lich clearly has a thing for you, and wouldn't send you on a mission you wouldn't come back from.
>>
No. 424662 ID: d01e3a

Coming on to the lich didn't get you rejected, so go back to the dragon and hit on her too. Whoever is most interested in you is the side you're on.
>>
No. 424663 ID: 2bafff

appraise the potion first it could be bad if you don't
>>
No. 424664 ID: b0ef59

Obviously you must go with brashness. Don't get the thing appraised, Just Go For It.

(And by "don't get the thing appraised" I mean totally get the thing appraised. Brash != dumb)
>>
No. 424677 ID: 927efa

This is secretly Rynh's father isn't it.
>>
No. 424680 ID: 132b99

brash all the way baby.
>>
No. 424684 ID: c811c4
File 134027030614.png - (96.47KB , 700x700 , 32.png )
424684

To the dragon it is, then!

An easy enough trip, the skeletons left me alone this time, told me to be careful for a change of pace.

>"I can smell you, fish kobold! You had better have an incredibly compelling reason as to why you are back."
>>
No. 424689 ID: 2bafff

"I have finished your task"
>>
No. 424690 ID: c811c4
File 134027477649.png - (159.77KB , 1000x700 , 33.png )
424690

"I've completed your task!"
>"...I find this hard to believe. Come closer."

That is some awkward silence. She doesn't believe me at all! That really was a suicide mission, in case there was any doubt!
>>
No. 424691 ID: c811c4
File 134027478949.png - (73.90KB , 700x700 , 34.png )
424691

Well, bottom's up.
>"What are yo --"
>>
No. 424692 ID: c811c4
File 134027479880.png - (102.25KB , 1000x700 , 35.png )
424692

Potion of Remove Illusions Identified!

>-- u doing? That was not the same potion that I have handed you. Did you really go to the lich?
>>
No. 424694 ID: ba573c

"OH MY GOD. YOU'RE ADORABLE"
>>
No. 424695 ID: a2fa74

>>424692
Start walking over to her
"Yes I did. I must say, you're a lot cuter now that's you're more my size~"

Attempt seduction! Any story that has a kobold marrying a dragon is an amazing story.
>>
No. 424696 ID: 5387c4

>>424695
>attempt seduction
>baby dragon

Why don't you take a seat. Take a seat. Right over there.
>>
No. 424697 ID: 886a4d

Shes a hatchling! Pretty cute too.

Walk over to her. Muse outloud to the effect of I suppose the Lich intends me to shout your real nature out to the entire caverns in order to embarass you. The flower bomb makes sense now. You two aren't fueding... this really is a prank war.... between a Lich and a Dragon.

That would make a very interesting story methinks.

Continue with I'm sorry to say the Lich caught the potion so it didn't break... do you have anything else planned?
>>
No. 424700 ID: a2fa74

>>424696
Assuming it IS a hatchling, it's still probably several times older than The Bard.
I doubt it's a hatchling though; it's living on its own.
>>
No. 424701 ID: c811c4
File 134027787934.png - (89.18KB , 700x700 , 36.png )
424701

"Ah? Suddenly you are far more adorable!"
>"That damn lich gave you a potion!"
"Of seeing illusions, yes. It seems like the lich might intend for me to shout your real nature out to the entire caverns? A prank war!"
>"Yeah? And who would believe you? The lich is the only one strong enough to make that potion, so as far as anyone else is concerned, its your word vs some ridiculously huge dragon! Did you even do what I told you?!"
"Yeah, and he caught the potion when I threw it at him. So did you have anything else planned, hatchling?"
>"A hatch- I'm not a hatchling! I'm a full grown drake! And stay back, I'm still a dragon at heart, and this is my hoard!"
>>
No. 424702 ID: a2fa74

>>424701
"That's fantastic~
Relax; I wouldn't share your secret anyway, and the only interest I have in your horde is the beautiful creature on top of it~
You know, the best way to get back at the lich is to have his prank backfire, and you can't get much further from embarrassment..."
Slowly approach her. Look her in the eye; don't even glance at the horde.
"...than romance~"
Kiss her!
>>
No. 424705 ID: 886a4d

Do a gallant bow if you can. My apoligies milady the size of your illusion compared to your actual form was that of a parent to a child. Now that I am closer I cannot see how I was mistaken. For you are lovely indeed, no lass of tender years. As for your horde it truly is befit a dragon, however one such as I cannot even deign to a single gold coin. But perhaps you would do me the pleasure of your company instead?
>>
No. 424707 ID: 68f2f2

>>424701
Even a little dragon like that can probably still totally kick your ass, or at least give you severe, painful burns so, just be advised ya know. You're still a kobold.
>>
No. 424708 ID: c811c4
File 134028531557.png - (90.13KB , 700x700 , 37.png )
424708

>She can still kick your ass
A fact I am well aware of!

"My apologies, milady! I do not know how I was mistaken over such a thing, now that I am closer. Relax, I have no interest in sharing your secret, nor interest in taking from your fine hoard, but rather what I am interested in is the one on top of the hoard!"

I believe I just crossed her perceived personal space bubble, as she is getting antsier.

>"Wh-what. You think I'd ever acknowledge the advances of a kobold?! And you're aware that I'm going to kill you, right?! I can't trust you to keep this a secret. No one would believe you, but you're aspiring to be a bard, so you may as well be aspiring to be able to get other to people believe this!"
>>
No. 424709 ID: a06b41

Hit on it. You're a bard after all. Try to wrangle some proper Draconic lessons while you're at it. Said dragon is obviously nervious and afraid, even if a dragon. Its threatening you. Dragons don't threaten, they DO, if they actually think they can do it. So, you have the slim possibility of getting something out of this, instead of just exiled/dead/etc.
>>
No. 424710 ID: a06b41

>>424709
Well crap, late. Also, said hitting on is having obvious effect of confusion. Play up the charm, again, if was going to kill you for sure would have already killed you.
>>
No. 424711 ID: 886a4d

Ah but there are other things a bard is famous for! Give a wink. Back off slightly and sit down. Make yourself lower then her.

However I was not lying when I said I was a Bard-Without-Stories and while the drake pretending to be a dragon in an interesting one, the one where the cavern she rules over finds out and dethrones her is played out over and over again in all species tales. The false duke, the ursurper, the cruel adviser and I have no wish to cast you as a villian, as lovely as you are.

A pranking war between two fearsome creatures such as a dragon and a lich on the otherhand is something I personally have not heard of... have you?
>>
No. 424712 ID: a06b41

>>424711
An excellent suggestion, a jovial tale between two cliche antagonists? It will certainly be one of the most unique of tales that one could have in their repertoire. Also, if adventurers start to annoy either of them, just spread that you're the one mentioned in it, by throwing a fit about your dignity of course, and you'll be much less of a target, after all, who'd want it spread that they went to war against someone famous for mostly harmless pranks? Its win win.
>>
No. 424714 ID: c811c4
File 134029074416.png - (149.62KB , 700x700 , 38.png )
424714

>Dragon
A drake, but I admit that I am fuzzy on the differences other than that drakes are much smaller; and especially fuzzy on a drake that wishes it were a dragon. Or perhaps that is all drakes? I do not know.

"If you were to kill me, I believe you already would have so, am I correct?"
>"No, I figure that if you got this far, it wouldn't be honorable of me to not give you a chance to live!"
"But you already claimed that you would kill me."
>"K..."
"But! There are other things bards are famous for, anyway."

A wink is given, as I sit down at a respectable distance. That carries her confusion on for more distance, and so I take the opening.

"I was not lying when I said I was a bard without stories. And while a Drake acting as a Dragon is interesting, the story in which she is dethroned is cliche, even to someone who does not know any stories, plus, I have no intention of casting you as the villain. Now, a prank war between a dragon and a lich? That is a story worth discovering."
>"... I don't have anything more."
"Pardon?"
>"I said I don't have any more pranks. I'm out of ideas."
>>
No. 424715 ID: a06b41

Then maybe I should be your adviser? Or scout out one for you?
>>
No. 424717 ID: 9718f3

Maybe having someone to bounce ideas off of would be helpful? Creative processes often benefit from outside input. It is the basis of your entire quest for stories!
>>
No. 424718 ID: 42491f

It would help to know what else the dragon is capable of doing. How can we help her with future pranks when we don't know what other abilities she has?
>>
No. 424720 ID: c6ec33

>>424714
Ask for the back-story of WHY they're pranking each other.

Also, while you're at it, ask whether or not she actually wants to be a dragon, or if the illusion is just to get other people to leave her alone. Make sure to complement the illusion as being very impressive...
>>
No. 424721 ID: a2fa74

>>424708
"A tale must be worth telling; do you know what roles makes a deception worth telling?
The villain, the charlatan, the betrayer, and the hero.
You have done no worse than grant a fool what he asked, so a villain you are not.
You have skillfully performed your duties, so a charlatan you are not.
You have lived by your word, so a betrayer you are not.
That leaves the hero, and one who tells a hero's secrets would be a villain and a betrayer; if that would be the role I cast for myself I would have it go untold.

If you wish my life, I would have it as your herald, companion, confidant, and, perhaps, consort?"
>>
No. 424722 ID: a2fa74

>>424714
"Well, then we can start by turning its last prank against it. It wished for awkwardness and embarrassment, so what humiliation it would suffer if you found companionship and romance?

Have you considered putting a pond at the entrance to its lair, such that it can't enter or exit without getting wet?
>>
No. 424724 ID: bdb3f8

You do not yet have enough CHARM points built up to convert them to FLIRT points. Words like Consort and Romance have no business in your dialog yet.

Ask about origin of conflict, offer services as adviser, though not pawn, in further action.
>>
No. 424726 ID: f7ae22

The lich is potentially looking for new clothes, you could use this to your advantage by planning a prank involving a new outfit with an unexpected side effect. Depending on what the drake is capable of, you could do something like bring the lich an outfit that will disappear after being worn for a certain amount of time, or that sprouts flowers.

Also, the drake may feel more comfortable with you knowing one of her secrets if you told her an embarrassing secret of your own that you wouldn't want getting out. That way you will have a strong incentive to not let her secret out.
>>
No. 424730 ID: e3f578

She's an illusionist, she should have plenty of contacts to consort with on this manner, even hire a freelance goblin professional pranker if she must.

I also suggest her opening a business of sorts, to help her horde grow so that she may part with some without much grievance for when it's practical. Spend some to make more!
>>
No. 424731 ID: b85f8c

Ask if the lich is female; you got that impression somehow.
>>
No. 424740 ID: c811c4
File 134031132983.png - (79.18KB , 700x700 , 39.png )
424740

"Is it your wish to be a dragon?"
>"What? Isn't that obvious?"
"Then I will call you dragon. The illusion was excellent, by the way."
>"But it's still fake."
"Not to almost everyone! And I still hold you in high esteem."
>"You'd better!"
"Now, how did this prank war begin?"
>"I.. it was a long time ago. I set up my hoard here, and then the lich came by and teased me! I thought I'd have to move, but he didn't share the secret. I still wanted to get back at him, though! So I got a few kobolds to slip by and plant a few wards of Confuse Undead around. I don't know how he found out it was me, but things just started going back and forth."

>Share your own secret to make the drake feel more comfortable
I would love to, but alas, I live in a fishbowl. It is terribly difficult to keep a secret! I do not have any conspiracy that could compare.

>Romance/offer to be consort
The drake requires more warming up before such a move would be wise!

"Perhaps I can be your advisor to new pranks?"
>"Would you? What do you have in mind?"
"I must ask what other magic you would know. Also, I have come under the impression that the lich is in the market for new clothes! Perhaps clothes that disappear after a duration in which they are worn? And say, do you know if the lich is female? I did get that impression."
>"... are you serious? It's a lich! You are just some kind of pervert! No, I don't think I can make clothes do that without him noticing. I've usually tried indirect stuff. All I can do are illusions and general purpose earth and fire magic."
>>
No. 424743 ID: bd3222

>>424740
She mentioned a ward of Confuse Undead.

What, exactly, did that do? Maybe if we could manipulate her minions more finely...

Aha! She's good at illusions, right? So maybe you could take the look of one of her boys, and then start hitting on her. Or something? An illusion that makes all her undead look alive?
>>
No. 424751 ID: f7ae22

Act hurt at her accusations of you being a pervert and say you were just brainstorming.
Ask her if she would be able to use her earth and fire magic to construct an outfit that will turn into dough full of yeast that rapidly expands.
>>
No. 424752 ID: 927efa

Ask if she has any ideas how to make a staff of lie detection explode.
>>
No. 424759 ID: b33427

>>424752
That might be going beyond the boundaries of "prank," if the staff does more than detect lies. Still ask about it, though.

There is something you should check right now. Look around at the tunnels out of this chamber, and judge if any of them are big enough for the dragon in the drake's illusion to pass though. If none are, you may want to tactfully point that out to her, just so she can make a cover story for how she got in here.
>>
No. 424760 ID: c811c4
File 134031561571.png - (82.48KB , 700x700 , 40.png )
424760

"Hey, I was just brainstorming! Also, something I was wondering.. it doesn't seem that there are any passages that your illusion dragon could pass through! Do you have a cover story?"
>"Yes. The fake dragon character can shapeshift into a small drake."
"Oh! Then moving back to business, what did confuse undead do?"
>"Like intoxication and hallucinations."
"Maybe make me look like one of the undead!"
>"Again, the lich would see right through it."
"Perhaps use your earth and fire magic to construct an outfit that will turn into dough full of yeast that rapidly expands."
>"Wh...at..."
"Do you know how to make a staff of lie detection explode?"
>"What? I've never heard of such a thing. All I see the lich carry around is a staff of light. Ahhhh, I give up. The lich can win the prank war! It's lost if I need the help of a kobold to come up with ideas."
>>
No. 424761 ID: d1e9bf

Kneel, and get down to her level so you are eye-to-eye. That'll focus her attention on you, and cause her to be more receptive to your ideas now that you're not towering over her.

Propose that you paint all passageways into the Lich's domain with flowers and cute animals, all in bright and cheery colors.
>>
No. 424762 ID: a2fa74

>>424760
"A bard, m'lady.
How about having the entrance to his lair be a drop-off into a pond?"
>>
No. 424773 ID: b85f8c

I think using earth magic to mess with the lich's lair is the most doable idea we've had yet.
>>
No. 424774 ID: 08005b

Well if she can do illusions then maybe she can make illusion textiles that don't exist, but still look like clothes, then after a while, the illusion wears off, making the clothes disappear.
>>
No. 424776 ID: bccf7b

>>424760

What sorts of obscenely rare and super expensive materials are there that could NATURALLY have a magical aura? We carefully weave an illusion with a touch of earth magic to create a "garment" that's nothing more than dust.

Then, after a time or when the Lich comes to realize something isn't quite right, the illusion and earth magic breaks, leaving them high, dry, and VERY naked.

Failing that, we also have the option of toying with things. Perhaps we make it appear as if the tunnels aren't as they seem -- just imagine a bunch of empty-headed (HAH!) undead stumbling about in an imaginary labyrinth!

Truly, mixing magics may just give us enough of an edge to start making things "feel" a bit more real than they are.

...

Hey, wait a second. I just remembered: the lich and its cronies knew exactly what we were bringing. Is it scrying us?
>>
No. 424777 ID: b0d466

What about just throwing fireworks into his graveyard
>>
No. 424780 ID: f7ae22

>>424760
What if you were to go back to the lich and inform him that you drank the potion and identified it as a potion of Remove Illusions but that the dragon's mighty visage did not change at all, and you were forced to retreat.
Or you could tell the drake that the lich let slip how clever and cute he thought the drake was and how lonely he gets.
>>
No. 424782 ID: b85f8c

>>424774
The lich can see through illusions, that's how they found out that the dragon was a drake.

>>424776
See above.

>>424780
But he already knows she's a drake!

>>424773
Addendum to this:
I think we should reassure her by saying that she shouldn't just give up. Ask her to recount what previous pranks there were. Maybe there's an idea in there?
>>
No. 424786 ID: f7ae22

>>424782
The lich may be tricked into thinking that the drake managed to make an illusion stronger than his ability to remove them. The lich might try going to the drake in person to confirm, and a prepared traditional trap like a disguised mud pit might be an effective prank.
>>
No. 424788 ID: c811c4
File 134032343791.png - (108.55KB , 700x700 , 41.png )
424788

>Tell the Lich that the potion didn't work to trick him into thinking the illusion was stronger than the potion
This is worth trying! Perhaps it can work in conjunction with another prank. A double prank.

"How about making a pond outside of his lair? I know my way around making traps as well, I may be able to make it hard to avoid! Or you can just use earth magic to rotate his halls around to different rooms?"
>"Ah.. well! I can make a pit, but how would I get water in there? It would take a lot of work! I don't know if the goblins or any other tribes or clans around here have any magic spells to fill pits with water."
"Perhaps I will tell the Lich that the potion did not work?"
>"You would do that? Even if the Lich was cordial at your visit, if you outright lie like that, the Lich may take an eye, or just kill you!"
"Oh? Are you suddenly concerned for my life?"
>"Wha.. nevermind, go ahead and tell the Lich that! And find a way to get lots of water or something like that, and I'll mess around with his lair!"
>>
No. 424789 ID: 08005b

I like the bright vibrant painting idea better though...
>>
No. 424800 ID: b85f8c

Okay, this sounds like a job for the goblins.
>>
No. 424801 ID: a3b384

Where is the nearest body of water? What is even better than having a pond there is opening up a whole river to lead to it. And hey if it floods a bit too much, all the better.
>>
No. 424803 ID: 2bafff

sounds like you need to find a way to build some irrigation to redirect some water
>>
No. 424806 ID: bccf7b

>>424788

Hmm... would the staff go off if we really believed that the "drake" was totally BS? We could even have her "breath" some fire at us to make it seem legit.

Picture the fire breathing thing looking super scary and it may just work?
>>
No. 424813 ID: c811c4
File 134033199038.png - (49.08KB , 700x700 , 42.png )
424813

>Vibrant painting
As alluring as the idea is, there is not nearly enough paint for such an endeavor!

>Body of water
That would be the reservoir, but I don't have any normal means of moving it. I'd need to find out if the normal denizens of the pits, either the naga or slimes, would be willing to part with it. For a prank.

>A job for the goblins
They must have some sort of source for water, very possibly of a magic scroll type! However, they are somewhat domineering, for lack of a better word towards kobolds. Even if I manage to find what I need for sale, it would be sold for exorbitant fees!
>>
No. 424814 ID: 997ce7

>>424813
Become a thief.
>>
No. 424815 ID: b0d466

Try the nagas
>>
No. 424819 ID: a3b384

>>424813
What are the slimes like? If they are fond enough of pranks, well... just imagine a pond that is entirely full of slimes. You barely need a plan to have fun with that situation.

As for the goblins ask that drake if she can apply illusions to others. I'm sure they'd give a fairer deal to a fellow goblin. Or perhaps some other race that they find intimidating but aren't violent towards that they'd trade cheaply for.
>>
No. 424832 ID: 2bafff

we could always offer to do something for the goblins in exchange for the item
>>
No. 424835 ID: b85f8c

Wait wait guys. What if the pit wasn't full of water, but full of SLIMES.
>>
No. 424852 ID: 886a4d

>>424819
>>424835
Yes, suggest the idea... wait what would slimes want in return?
>>
No. 424912 ID: c811c4
File 134034704463.png - (59.24KB , 700x700 , 43.png )
424912

>Become a thief
We have enough thieves in the village, and I don't wish to oversaturate that market!

>What are slimes like?
A question I can't say I'm the most apt to explain!

"Miss Dragon, do you know anything about slimes?"
>"They're gooey and useless."
"And how about the naga?"
>"Not worth my business."
"And, do you believe it possible to cast an illusion on me to make me appear as a goblin?"
>"Of course, it's trivial considering you're about the size of one. Still, a good one, without my constant channeling it, will only last for 2 hours."
>>
No. 424914 ID: c811c4
File 134034710186.png - (100.84KB , 700x700 , 44.png )
424914

And to elaborate on the slimes, they start as little more than nebulous, if sentient blobs with just enough magic to differentiate themselves from their surroundings such as water or other slimes. From what I hear, they often try and show their sentience by taking on the forms of sentient creatures they see, or things they think are sentient. They have little imagination, and for reasons beyond me, don't mimic other slimes. You can tell which ones have gotten around by the ones that have more exotic forms and races they've mimicked. They can change form, although ones that they hold for long periods of time stick more. Much like a mother telling their child that if they hold a funny face for too long, it'll stay like that forever!

They do little more than gloop around all day, if what I hear has any accuracy! That's why they're usually left alone, since not even the goblins feel there is much reward for taking advantage of a rather naive outlook. And that's all I know without going down that route, including any knowledge about what they would want in return! However, as long as I don't dawdle, a goblin illusion will make a trek there yield fruit far easier.

Oh, and I know dreadfully little about the naga.
>>
No. 424915 ID: b85f8c

What on earth is the slime on the top mimicking?

Yeah, let's do the goblin illusion.
>>
No. 424916 ID: bd3222

>>424914
If the skellies are of any quality, they will still have highly nutritious bone marrow. All you have to do is tell the slimes to pool together into that large puddle, illusion it into water, and bam, instant sustenance. For them. Horrible acidic death for the skeletons.
>>
No. 424919 ID: 09e5bf

>>424916
Killing the Lich's undead servants may be stepping slightly past the prank limit.
>>
No. 424977 ID: d10f72

Off with you then, to the goblins.
>>
No. 425013 ID: c811c4
File 134039023545.png - (110.47KB , 700x700 , 45.png )
425013

>Head to the goblins

"Alright, miss Dragon, please make me appear to be a goblin!"
>"Done."

"Uh, pardon, miss Dragon, but I don't appear any different."
>"You can't see your own illusion. Just trust me."
>>
No. 425014 ID: f7ae22

Trust her implicitly and go off to the goblins without any worries at all.
>>
No. 425016 ID: 68f2f2

Perfect. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan. Go and execute like a boss.
>>
No. 425017 ID: b85f8c

We've got two hours. Ask her if there's any way to tell when it's worn off.

Then rush off, we're on a time limit.
>>
No. 425018 ID: 886a4d

As you walk to the goblins see how people react when they see you... a strange goblin will get a different reaction then Yapper the Kobold.
>>
No. 425032 ID: a3b384

Well that's all fine and dandy, but how will we know when it isn't there? Not that we plan to be that long, but it might matter!
>>
No. 425051 ID: c811c4
File 134040123889.png - (77.39KB , 700x700 , 46.png )
425051

"How do I tell when the illusion is gone?"
>"When two hours have passed. Use your judgement."

I will unconditionally trust the dragon and head to the goblins. It's not a short walk, so I make it a jog of around 20 minutes. I know that I begin treading in goblin territory when the walls become smoother! They didn't smooth it themselves, they just claimed the smoother territory as their own.
>>
No. 425052 ID: c811c4
File 134040126992.png - (123.76KB , 700x700 , 47.png )
425052

As expected, it doesn't take long for one of their patrols to stop me. The lady is the one to speak first.

>"Hey, you! We haven't seen... you around, before. Snrk... forget something?"
>>
No. 425053 ID: b0d466

Did you forget to wear pants today?
>>
No. 425054 ID: 12c19f

>>425052
...Welp I think I know what just happened.

You're a goblin alright, a naked goblin.
>>
No. 425055 ID: 6e44d2

"Nah, I'm just more comfortable this way."

Put your hands on your hips and puff your chest out as you say this.
>>
No. 425058 ID: f7ae22

They obviously must be referring to your lack of a bow or other weapon!
Tell them you come unarmed for your mission is peaceful. Tell them you are in need of a way to easily fill a pit with water for irrigation, and ask if they could direct you to someone that could help you, perhaps a merchant of magic scrolls.
>>
No. 425060 ID: e3f578

>>425052
"I just woke up from a nap.
Did somebody screw with my face or something?
Can somebody hand me a mirror?"
>>
No. 425061 ID: 132b99

you are on a mission of diplomacy to the slimes, need to show them you aren't a threat. unarmed and all that.
>>
No. 425065 ID: a2fa74

>>425052
Oh, hey, 'swamp elves'!
"No, I'm always prepared~"
>>
No. 425068 ID: d10f72

>>425054
this sounds interesting, man, it would be better if he were a girl, or if the female goblin were naked.
>>
No. 425070 ID: e3f578

Well, if Yapper has enough confident points, he should say "Like what you see? I don't do this often, or on purpose. I blame sleepwalking."
>>
No. 425072 ID: c811c4
File 134040477457.png - (117.57KB , 700x700 , 48.png )
425072

I most certainly remembered to put on pants! Well, my toga. Technically they are not pants, but the point is is that the parts that need to be covered, are covered! As for being a naked goblin? I think I will show a bit more faith in my Dragon friend than to immediately think that I am naked as soon as something goes wrong! I have left my backpack with all my obviously kobold goods back with said Dragon, so I am unarmed. That must be what she is talking about!

"I have come unarmed, as my mission is peaceful! I am in need of a way to fill a pit with water for irrigation, and wonder if you could direct me to someone to help, perhaps a merchant of magic scrolls?"

>"Wow, uh you must be from the outside. You guys are weird, and apparently speak really formally. Do you even know the native goblin language? Anyways, we do have some magic, but where are you from, and what's your name?"

Let's see, goblin names, uh.. that's weird, I've heard so much about goblins, but I've never caught a single name. I don't know what's normal at all. Or where other goblins might come from.
>>
No. 425073 ID: b0d466

Urist McStabguts from the Scorched Daggers!
>>
No. 425074 ID: a2fa74

>>425073
Sounds good.
"I'm a diplomat. I'm not allowed to learn goblin because my master is a huge-" Then flinch like you were hit "-SORRY! SORRY!"
Settle yourself, then continue "Err... Moving on, would you be willing to guide me?"
>>
No. 425075 ID: b85f8c

>>425073
Urist is a dwarf name. Stozo is a male goblin name, we could use that.
>>
No. 425079 ID: 132b99

Megegs Teroll
>>
No. 425082 ID: e3f578

>>425072
Rok Müturbüut.
>>
No. 425085 ID: d10f72

>>425074
I second this.
>>
No. 425088 ID: c811c4
File 134041166033.png - (189.18KB , 700x700 , 49.png )
425088

>Diplomacy
The farther away I stay away from what the goblins consider diplomacy, the better! I will, however ask for a guide.

Yet, then again, they do seem suddenly nice and polite now that I apparently look like a goblin. Perhaps my image of them is my image as a kobold, as I will expect should I spend too long.

"I am Stozo McStabGuts, from the Scorched Daggers! I am hoping you would be willing to guide me to these merchants?"
>"Now there's a generic male name. I've heard of Scorched Daggers. Sure, we'll do business. More goblins out there to distract, less trouble we get in these caves. Follow me, I'll show you to our very own magic shop."

I do as she asks, and it's only a few moments before I'm in the heart of the goblin area. I see a few kobolds scurrying about, along with a couple lizardmen, though sometimes the difference between us can be hard to spot. Goblins are well into the majority, however! I get a few looks, and maybe I should have asked about a mirror after all. Or at least a pond with a reflective surface!

Oh, hey, there's Diam, our previous blacksmith. He's looking well.
>>
No. 425090 ID: c811c4
File 134041171205.png - (117.43KB , 700x700 , 50.png )
425090

Then a goblin comes sauntering right up into my peripherals, followed my personal space, and closer still!

>"Hey, babe. You and me got fitting parts. Wanna mix and match?"

am I getting romanced
>>
No. 425092 ID: 132b99

OHHHH you a naked FEMALE goblin.
>>
No. 425093 ID: b85f8c

>>425090
Tell him maybe later, you're here on business. Say a couple hours?
>>
No. 425094 ID: 2bafff

"wow uh, maybe later I'm a bit busy at the moment"
>>
No. 425096 ID: f7ae22

>>425090
Surely getting romanced is nothing new for a bard! Tell him you're busy running an important errand but if he gives you his name you'll get back to him.
>>
No. 425097 ID: 9b5a1a

Oh yeah. You definitely appear to everyone to be a female goblin. Possibly rather hot, and maybe not dressed too modestly.

Think back to the cleverest rejection line you ever got and hit this guy with a variation thereof.

Or don't! Mistaken sexual identity shenanigans do tend to make for pretty good stories!
>>
No. 425101 ID: 6e44d2

Elbow him in the face, spin around, and grab his ear. Yank him to the side, then kick his legs out from underneath him.

"Sorry, baby. You couldn't handle what I got."
>>
No. 425103 ID: 997ce7

>>425097
Don't. Sodomize him for an epic story.
>>
No. 425104 ID: 3711e1

>>425096
Seconding this.
>>
No. 425107 ID: a2fa74

>>425090
"Oh, my! It's so rare to find a man who likes girls with an Adventurous Spirit. At least, one so open about it~
I'm in a rush right now, but give me your name and I'll find you when I'm done~"
>>
No. 425108 ID: a2fa74

>>425107
To avoid confusion, Adventurous Spirit is short for "huge dick". This is a reference to Gobbo Quest, and has shown up in basically every quest to have DF-style goblins since then.
>>
No. 425109 ID: 997ce7

>>425108
Heh. She never did become a hermaphrodite.
>>
No. 425111 ID: bccf7b

>>425090

Explain that you were cursed to become a woman, and you're hoping it wears off soon... and that no, you're REALLY not in the mood for another come-on.

The creature who did this to you was VERY insistent about borrowing your tent... which you let them keep.
>>
No. 425114 ID: d10f72

I am curious as to why a male is coming onto a male...Hmmm did that dragon make you look like a female goblin?
>>
No. 425115 ID: c811c4
File 134041756585.png - (62.80KB , 700x700 , 51.png )
425115

>Getting romanced is nothing new for a bard!

Yet, I am used to a more feminine approach! And more... subtle pickup lines.

>Mistaken sexual shenanigans make for a good story
Yes they do, and I will be on the lookout for others who have fallen prey to this!

>Think of the most clever rejection line you've ever got
Ah, but my library of rejections is far too paltry, and possibly violent.

>Roll with it and say maybe later
As much as I would like to make a rejection, for all I know, a refusal of any kind to these sorts of advances are a capital crime! Especially of a violent crime, as much as I believe the action he deserves is a swift elbow to the face.

"It's rare to see a man into girls with an adventurous spirit! How about you give me your name, and maybe we'll do something later after I finish my business?"
>"The name is Gotz Wrenchthruster! Just meet me back at this alley, and I'll show you my own adventurous spirit~"

I... pulled that off far too smoothly than I am comfortable with.
>>
No. 425116 ID: c811c4
File 134041765716.png - (95.61KB , 700x700 , 52.png )
425116

>"Wow. A looker like you gets bagged with 'matching parts, want to mix and match'?"
"... I was caught off guard!"
>"Haha, you're going to sleep with every one of us if you're that easy! Anyway, here we are, at the magic shop."
>>
No. 425117 ID: c811c4
File 134041769382.png - (129.65KB , 700x700 , 53.png )
425117

For being only a step above kobolds in terms of ability and reputation, the magic shop here is exceptionally well stocked.

>"Hello hello, fine lady! You look new around here. What can the finest magic shop this side of the earth do for you?"
"Yes, I am in the market for summoning water! Would you have anything of that sort?"
>"Certainly! I have just what you need. A scroll of Create Water II and III! All depending on if you want a pond or a lake."
"Just a pond will do!"
>"Of course, of course. Normally I sell these at a value of 1000 gold coins, but you must have come from a long way. For the lady, it will be a mere 750 gold!"

Oh.

Right.

These things cost money. I don't have any.
>>
No. 425118 ID: 2bafff

offer to do something in exchange for it
>>
No. 425119 ID: 132b99

seduce! and when she is unconscious from how much 'adventure' you had, run off with it.
>>
No. 425120 ID: 9b5a1a

Ask if there's any sort of alternate payment plan. Point out that you're a budding adventurer, and have a good track record of coming through on quest-based barter trades!
>>
No. 425121 ID: d10f72

>>425118
I second this, but this was kind of your fault for not asking the dragon for it...
>>
No. 425122 ID: d10f72

This also looks like a really smart goblin, so I'm not so sure subduction would work.
>>
No. 425123 ID: b0d466

Look distressed!
>>
No. 425126 ID: e3f578

>>425117
"Put it on the dragon's tab, she sent me for these scrolls. Got into her debt a while ago, so I have to venture here and do a favor for her every once in a while now. It's one of her business expenses, so it's got some weird as hell tax benefits in it, well I think she's part of the government here. All I just know that she sent me for these."
>>
No. 425127 ID: b85f8c

THIS WAS NOT PLANNED WELL! Anyway, look confused, say "You guys use gold? Okay, I'll be back."
>>
No. 425128 ID: 997ce7

>>425126
This.
>>
No. 425129 ID: d10f72

>>425126
I second this, that's the best thing suggested so far.
>>
No. 425130 ID: b0d466

wait wait

put it on the LICH's tab
>>
No. 425131 ID: d10f72

>>425130
that seems like a good idea, but they might freak out at that, lets just stick with dragon.
>>
No. 425132 ID: 132b99

>>425126
OHHHHH snap, yes
>>
No. 425142 ID: c811c4
File 134042214943.png - (69.07KB , 700x700 , 54.png )
425142

"Put it on the dragon's tab!"
>"Ex..cuse me?"
"The dragon around here. I've been tasked by the dragon to get this, and he didn't want to entrust his precious gold with me."
>"... that sounds somewhat implausible."
"It'll sound nasty if the dragon doesn't get what he wants. I know I haven't been around for long, but dragons get uppity about that sort of thing!"
>"That's true... damnit, okay. It's on a tab. And if you're lying about this, you'll have pissed off both the dragon and the entire goblin civilization down here! I won't hold it against you if you back out of it now."
"It's the truth."
>"So be it! Here is your scroll."

Well, that.. went well. I hope.

>"Is there anything else you require from the shop?"
>>
No. 425147 ID: 9b5a1a

Not a good idea to push your luck when spending someone else's money. If you can catch your reflection in her glasses though, that should help you play to your disguise better from here out.

If you can't, browse around a bit. Magic shops usually have an abundance of shiny surfaces, just play it off like you were tempted, but don't want to run up too high a tab.
>>
No. 425148 ID: b85f8c

>>425142
Ask what they've got but don't buy anything. Their inventory could be useful for future pranks.
>>
No. 425150 ID: a2fa74

>>425142
"Nope. Have a nice day!"
>>
No. 425163 ID: c811c4
File 134042605895.png - (88.14KB , 700x700 , 55.png )
425163

A mirror is easy enough to find. I still appear to be a kobold, and I move away from it in the off chance that others see a kobold in the mirror as well.

No other potions or magic seems to be in the way of pranks on a quick look. All boring stuff like potions and healing and things that would escalate a prank war to a war.

"No thank you, that will be all."
>"By the way, miss, the dragon is a she."
"... oh. Okay, have a nice day!"
>"Do come back sometime."
>>
No. 425164 ID: c811c4
File 134042609528.png - (83.50KB , 700x700 , 56.png )
425164

My generous guide is waiting outside.

"Thank you very much for your help! I should be off, now, I can't keep people waiting for my return!."
>"Oh? Won't you stick around for a little bit? A lot of us would like to hear what it's like up above from someone who's actually from the outside! I won't keep you long."
>>
No. 425166 ID: 997ce7

>>425164
Do so. Oh, and on your way back, seduce her and let her find out you're actually a male. Let her wonder as to what this implies while you run like hell. Maybe even let them see you're a 'bold.

That'll get your story spread pretty quick.
>>
No. 425167 ID: b85f8c

>>425164
We don't actually know anything about the outside that would be useful in talking about it in relation to goblins, do we?

Well I guess if there's any chance at all of you managing to keep up the act under pressure we could stay and chat, but uh, how long has it been so far? If it's been an hour, we should go.
>>
No. 425168 ID: 2bafff

Reveal yourself it is a good idea you already have what you wan't from the goblins and if word gets out that there is a Kobold who fooled some goblins you can be famous
>>
No. 425169 ID: 9b5a1a

>>425166
>>425168

Except since you already admitted you were working for the "dragon," doing that would reveal that she knows some illusion spells, and while I doubt that would actually blow her cover, it WOULD get back to her that you let it slip, and she would be pretty freaking upset with you.
>>
No. 425170 ID: 132b99

ask her to be more specific, their is a LOT of stuff to talk abut the outside.
>>
No. 425172 ID: 2bafff

maybe you should claim to be the one who knows the illusion spells and that is why the dragon recruited you in the first place
>>
No. 425175 ID: e3f578

>>425164
"I only know of the walk here from Scorched Daggers, it's not like I had a cool adventure on the way over. I just rode with a caravan, stopped in a town with a nice inn and food. Well, I guess there's a story there, we had to disguise ourselves, me and my mate stole a trenchcoat and he stood on my shoulder, passing ourself off as a brooding dark elf. He had a knack in illusions, so he just cast some shadows on his face and went with the backstory that this elf was ugly and hid his face using illusion magic. And that's about it. But anyway don't you have any bards here for that kind of stuff? I heard about one called Yapper, but I think he's a kobold, and he got killed by flirting with the lich here while working for my boss. Probably. I can't stay for long, the dragon put me on a two hour time limit to get her shit. She cast a restraint spell even, I explode at that two hour mark if I don't go, or at least she told me that. She might just be a convincing liar, I have no idea, but I really shouldn't take the chance."
>>
No. 425180 ID: 2bafff

>>425175
why would we want to spread word that we died unless it is to make a more dramatic appearance afterwards which may or may not work
>>
No. 425185 ID: c811c4
File 134042927082.png - (68.84KB , 700x700 , 57.png )
425185

>How much time is left?
I'd say it took me about 20 minutes to get here, and another 20 minutes spent walking around and looking at the magic. So, I have approximately 80 minutes left!

>Do you know anything about goblin culture outside?
I've never even been outside! If I'm to tell tales, they will need to be entirely made up until I make that trek!

>Let yourself be found out
That... would make my trek outside come a lot faster, considering that these goblins, feeling fooled and maybe betrayed, will live about 15 minutes away.

"I may need something more specific! I only know of the walk from Scorched Daggers to here, I didn't have a cool adventure on the way. I just rode with a caravan, stopp -"
>"Whoa whoa, how about we talk about it over some drink back at my place? Me and my friends will ask you some questions about the outside if you want specifics to talk about!"
>>
No. 425186 ID: 132b99

"i WOULD like to, but i really am on a time limit. do YOU want to make a already grumpy dragon wait?"
>>
No. 425194 ID: 9b5a1a

>>425186

And then she'll twist your arm until you agree to stay for at least one drink, and you're going to get pulled right in...

... which might not be a bad idea. I mean, yeah, the whole situation is going to be awkward as hell, but the whole reason you went and made yourself the dragon's errand boy was to collect some stories, right? How many kobolds have actually been invited to parties thrown by goblins? Just make sure not to actually get drunk, stay aware of your time limit, and use the advances of a particularly pushy male goblin (you know it'll happen) as an excuse to leave in a huff and hurry home.

Should get you some interesting story fodder at no cost beyond a little short-term awkwardness!
>>
No. 425196 ID: e3f578

"I really don't want to piss off that dragon, so can I get a rain check on that please?"
>>
No. 425199 ID: b85f8c

>>425185
Note that since you are supposed to be a female you will be unable to do any pervy stuff. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why the dragon did it.

But if we decline it'll look suspicious. So agree.
>>
No. 425204 ID: a2fa74

>>425185
"I'd love to, but dragon.
I'll be in the area for a few more days, though. I'll try to come back and visit before I leave. Maybe spend the night~"

If goblins visit the dragon to ask about you, she should say you did a poor job of haggling so it was a scroll with a meal.
>>
No. 425208 ID: 2bafff

>>425185
how well can goblins tell kobolds apart? also if you go there is a big chance you will be found out which could be bad.
>>
No. 425213 ID: b85f8c

>>425199
Adding onto this:

Do you really want your tale of BRASH ACTION to include turning down an invite to a chat with a goblin and her friends?
>>
No. 425221 ID: c811c4
File 134043413782.png - (93.86KB , 700x700 , 58.png )
425221

>How well can goblins tell kobolds apart?
Our horns give ourselves away, otherwise that would be a lot easier!

"I'd love to, but I really am on a time limit for the dragon!"
>"Oh, please! I know that was a fast one you pulled on the shop keeper back there. The dragon here is perfectly capable of enough water magic to cast what's on that scroll! If you're going to leave, you're going to need a better excuse than that! I insist!"

She's actually holding on tight. This goblin girl sounds like she's going to drag me back into her house by force if I keep declining! At almost any other time, I would have gone with her in a flash, but I may actually need to make a daring escape.
>>
No. 425222 ID: b85f8c

Tell her that's not what the dragon told you- she said she could use earth and fire magic, and shapeshifting of course. How would she know what magic the dragon could use anyway?
>>
No. 425223 ID: 9b5a1a

Seriously, just humor her a little! You've bargained with a dragon and joked with a lich! You can have a drink with a few measly goblins!
>>
No. 425224 ID: 04b86a

>>425221
I'm starting to suspect the dragon and lich are pranking you.
>>
No. 425225 ID: 927efa

Great your first romance and she's a lesbian. This can in no way possibly go wrong.
>>
No. 425236 ID: f7ae22

>>425221
The dragon could of course cast the water magic herself, but she is far too busy to spend her time personally casting the water magic where it's required, so you are entrusted to deal with it in a timely manner.
Use your hagfish abilities to secrete a large amount of slime and slip out of her grasp.
>>
No. 425238 ID: 7c31d2

Does anyone else think these goblins look a little bit like elves?
>>
No. 425239 ID: 132b99

>>425238
swamp elves
>>
No. 425240 ID: a2fa74

>>425221
"I really am in a rush, but it shouldn't take too long to get everything I need to done.
Remember where we met? Can you meet me there in four hours? I can tell you then."
>>
No. 425288 ID: 2bafff

>>425221
"ah you are right, but the shopkeeper is not the only one I pulled a fast one on I can't be staying and getting caught now can I. Now if you would please let me go I can go about my business."
>>
No. 425292 ID: 997ce7

>>425222
This.
>>
No. 425298 ID: c891d3

>>425288
Sounds okay.
>>
No. 425303 ID: 886a4d

Crap.. your wearing an illusion... and shes touching you. If what she touches doesn't match with what she sees she knows!
>>
No. 425305 ID: e3f578

>>425221
"Well, the scroll is only part of the favor she's asking me to do. The reason I'm getting the scroll is because the shit I have to do for her is out of her range. I mean, if I was pulling a fast one I would have said to put it on my carvaneer's tab or something."
>>
No. 425321 ID: bccf7b

>>425221

"Alright, fine! You got me. I need this scroll to pull a ridiculous prank on the Lich not far from here. I don't have any money and I didn't want to have to steal it. Now can I please go? I don't have much time left, but I promise to return when I'm done if you're still interested in sharing a drink."

... mostly because the "later" might get us an even more interesting badge, if you will, for our... *ahem* "adventurous spirit"
>>
No. 425344 ID: c811c4
File 134049077638.png - (104.08KB , 700x700 , 59.png )
425344

>She's touching
The illusion must cover a sense of feel as well, as she doesn't look like anything is awry. Plus, that earlier man got far more familiar, and there didn't seem to be a mismatch!

"That's not what the dragon told me! How would you know what magic the dragon could use anyway?"
>"Oh fine, I wanted to see if you could call bluffs like you could deal them! I'm still not going to let you go till we hear some details!"
"I really am in a rush!"
>"Too bad!"

>Use hagfish ability to secret slime and slip out of her grasp
She's hanging on too tight for me to break the grip alone! While I am able to still move away, every step is met with resistance, and although she is defenseless with her hands occupied, I can't bring myself to harm a lady!
>>
No. 425345 ID: 886a4d

Look, all I know is it has something to do with the Lich. The dragon doesn't exactly share details with us 'lesser' folk.
>>
No. 425346 ID: 132b99

swing in closer and give her a big kiss. with tongue. then while she is flabbergasted you get away.
>>
No. 425347 ID: d7e757

>>425346
Brashest action.

Yes.
>>
No. 425349 ID: c6ec33

Ask why none of them have been outside, if they're so interested in learning about it.

Offer to *show* them the outside, but only if she lets you finish your job now. You really *do* have to help the dragon.
>>
No. 425350 ID: f7ae22

Call out to Gotz Wrenchthruster for help. With any luck he has been stalking you, and will leap into action. Have him abscond away with you to a secluded area away from the town. Since Gotz isn't a lady, you should have no problems harming him once you need to!
>>
No. 425362 ID: 2bafff

say please let me go that hurts and act all innocent
>>
No. 425369 ID: d01e3a

Just bang the goblin. I doubt you'll last 80 minutes.
>>
No. 425370 ID: 927efa

Wait wait no. The dragon, the lich and the goblin tribe are pranking you. There never was an illusion spell cast on you.

Also damn you're ripped.
>>
No. 425374 ID: 9b5a1a

Said it before and I'll say it again.

You've bargained with a dragon and joked with a lich! You can have a drink with a few measly goblins!

Seriously, what's even the big deal? Make stuff up about what it's like outside even, not like they're going to check and call you out on it. They couldn't really, unless for some reason you come back disguised as the same female goblin for some crazy reason.

Again, what you're trying to do right now is actively avoid some new story fodder. What kind of a bard are you?
>>
No. 425378 ID: a5c529

Just go with her dude, it can't take longer than an hour, just sound really boring.
>>
No. 425429 ID: f5b22e

>>425344
Huge bluff time.
"Look, the dragon took my more.. personal memories from me. I don't really know where I'm from. I may never know until I do what she says! Now let me go!"
>>
No. 425432 ID: b85f8c

I think your options are either to lie your ass off about something urgent enough for her to let you go, or go with her and lie your ass off about the surface for a half hour and maybe have something nice to drink and meet some nice people.

I'd take the latter, it's just more fun.
>>
No. 425453 ID: c811c4
File 134051952693.png - (82.71KB , 700x700 , 60.png )
425453

>Distraction Kiss
>"Mmph?!"
She didn't let go entirely, but it's loose enough that I can yank my way out!

I am even more impressed in that that didn't break the illusion, what with the muzzle and all.

Now to make my escape!
>>
No. 425454 ID: c811c4
File 134051969817.png - (128.34KB , 700x700 , 61.png )
425454

Or so I thought, but the doubts in my mind did not work well in the end! I find myself up in the lady's house, practically propped up like a lamp on a table, as I'm swarmed by her friends, blocking any escape to prevent a double change of mind!

>"Okay! We haven't been properly introduced. My name is Zolak!" The girl says.
The others get introduced as Osta, another Stozu, Usbu, Olngo, and all at once and I already forgot who was who.

>"Scorched Daggers, right?"
>"I thought it was Scorched Knives."
>"Obviously it ain't!"
>"Hey, Girl-Stozu, I want to hear about how the great demon, Smoxu Aru Cona came to power, just to fall from power a few years ago!"
>"Yeah, that must have been a hell of a time!"

"Oh, right, Smoxu!"
I have no idea who that is.
"Well, ah, just to make sure I don't tell you what you already know, what do you know already?"
>"Not a thing!"
"Not even what he was, huh?"
>"What was he? Let's hear it!"

Okay, this is why I need stories, so I can avoid situations like these! Still, I have to make do. A little bit at a time! What does Smoxu look like, where did he come from, and what prompted him to take over Scorched Daggers?
>>
No. 425455 ID: 9b5a1a

He crawled up from a crack in the earth in the middle of a massive storm, and each of his 7 heads on long flexible necks would bite the head right off a goblin until we started placating him with a constant flow of beer, leaving him too drunk to murder!
>>
No. 425456 ID: a5c529

okay... uuuu one, why have you not been smacked yet by the one chick, two, he was a kobold, which is why he was overthrown so easily.
>>
No. 425457 ID: 8f5660

>>425454
"Hold up guys, there's a guy in the alley still waiting for me. Can I cut you a raincheck?"
>>
No. 425458 ID: 2c68c5

Smoxu Aru Cona was a goatlegged demon who came to Scorched Daggers for one singular purpose, to found the best damn restaurant anyone has ever seen. After escaping from the 9th circle of hell, Smoxu had only one useful skill, cooking the flesh of the damned into the finest dishes within 20 minutes or your money back. However, Scorched Daggers had no damned souls with which Smoxu could work with so he improvised with potatoes and cooking grease. In time Smoxu dominated Scorched Daggers with his blackened Hashbruns. Smoxu's Hashbruns gained the attention of the Knights of the Clean Tables and Reasonable Wages who destroyed Smoxu and purged his Hashbruns from the mortal plane in the Great Tablewasher Union Strike. To this day it is considered heresy to make Hashbruns lest Smoxu return to inflict grease fires upon the world.
>>
No. 425459 ID: e3f578

>>425454
"He fucked shit up is what he did!
He ain't too publicized though, so all anyone talks about in Scorched Daggers is rumors, everyone so certain their version is the true version. I'm sorry but the most I can tell you guys is a folktale I personally believe in."
>>
No. 425460 ID: 132b99

this is why we need to pick all the way brash or caution, we can't split the vote.

anyway.
>>425455
this sounds good. and the reason it was killed was while it was drunk a team managed to trick it into a bottomless pit which was flooded with lava and water added turning it into a sheet of obsidian.
>>
No. 425461 ID: 2bafff

he shot fire out of his eyes and his skin was coated in electric eels
>>
No. 425466 ID: 42c1c6

Smoxu was one of the great and terrible night creatures, a lizardlike being with 4 eyes, 6 arms, and 3 thin wiry tails. He has crimson red and yellow scales. He spit's a poison that'll make you go numb, which eventually causes paralysis. He's about 8 feet tall, 11 feet top to tail. He's also incredibly strong.

He came to scorched daggers in 127 and claimed to be the god Taslugostos, who's is the goblin patron of domination. The high priest Azu Kagasok was of course infuriated by the mere idea, and him and leader Ustruslpa Ngomxud set out with an honor guard to slay it. They met just inside the hall at the base of the tower. Azu shouted a challenege and the beast spat it's deadly venom at him, causing him to drop insensate. The beast then bellowed a challenge of it's own, become his servants, build his glorious empire, or die.

The battle was heroic. Smoxu was carrying carrying a sword and shield in his right hands, and hefted a great spear in his left hands. Ustruslpa's efforts were legendary, if hopeless. One of the goblin archers among their retinue put an arrow in Smoxu's right upper eye, knocking the creature to the ground. Ustruslpa took the opportunity to jump on top of it and hack one of it's 6 arms off, but as the creature stood he was knocked to the ground, and then thrown by a vicious blow of it's shield. He flew 30 spans into a wall where his shield arm shattered. In the few moments he was insensate the Smoxu slew his archers and the rest of his companions, save the high priest. He was in the middle of messily devouring a hapless swordsgoblin when Ustruslpa severed a tail. Sending the beast into a furious rage. It raised all it's arm and bellowed, and Ustruslpa took the opportunity to plunge his sword deep into it's chest. If the creature were goblin, it would've been run through heart, but alas it is a great demon, and the blow it unleashed in response rent Ustruslpa's torso in twain. Smoxu bade the priest speak only his praises, and crucified him above the entrance to the tower. He lived like that for 12 days, a strange gift of the Smoxu's numbing venom. Now Smoxu rules supreme over the scorched daggers. Life has not changed much, beyond the death of our heroes.
>>
No. 425472 ID: b85f8c

>>425466
This is quite awesome, but there's one problem: he fell from power a few years ago. So, his reign is over by now.
>>
No. 425480 ID: 886a4d

>>425466
We were doome to be his slaves until we died out, fodder to whatever hero decided to slay the demon... until she came. The great dragon of these caverns. I know not why she decided to save us but we are forever grateful and owe her a debt we cannont repay. That is why I am here today to do her bidding. Now I really must go she is not the patient sort.
>>
No. 425517 ID: c811c4
File 134053876627.png - (414.46KB , 700x700 , 62.png )
425517

"Alright, the tale as I understand it! A great and terrible night creature, appearing as a lizardlike being with 4 eyes, 6 arms and 3 thin, wiry tails! From top to bottom, he was covered in crimson red and yellow scales, able to spit a poison that makes you go numb, and soon paralyzed!"

It was during a thunderstorm, when a crack in the earth expanded, shaking the ground as Smoxu lifted himself out from beneath the depth, roaring the proclamation that he was the god Taslugostos, the goblin patron of domination.
>>
No. 425518 ID: c811c4
File 134053879425.png - (648.02KB , 700x700 , 63.png )
425518

But! The High Priest Azu Kagasok was infuriated by the mere idea, and with the goblin leader, Ustruslpa Ngomxud, they gathered their most loyal honor guard and ventured to slay it. They met inside the hall at the base of our tallest tower.
>>
No. 425519 ID: c811c4
File 134053882002.png - (848.65KB , 700x700 , 64.png )
425519

High Priest Azu shouted his challenge, and the beast leapt into action with a spit of deadly venom, dropping Azu. Smoxu bellowed a challenge of his own to the rest of the goblins, to become his servants to build his empire, or die!

The battle was heroic. Smoxu wielded his sword and shield in his right set of hands, with a great spear on his left. And Ustruslpa's efforts were legendary, yet hopeless. A goblin archer put an arrow through Smoxu's right upper eye, knocking him to the ground, as Ustruslpa took the opportunity to jump onto it and hack one of its 6 arms off.
>>
No. 425520 ID: c811c4
File 134053884122.png - (796.49KB , 700x700 , 65.png )
425520

Yet the demon wouldn't fall so easily, and as he stood up, Ustruslpa fell to the ground and thrown by a vicious blow of Smoxu's shield, enough to send him to a far wall and shatter his own shield bearing arm. In the time it took for the goblin leader to recover himself, Smoxu massacred the remaining archers and other honor guard, leaving only the paralyzed High Priest and the wounded Ustruslpa.

It was when the demon let his guard down and his hunger got the better of him, that he decided to devour a swordsgoblin. During this, Ustruslpa severed one of Smoxu's three tails, sending the beast into a furious rage. It raised its arms and bellowed, and ever driving the offense, the leader plunged his sword into Smoxu Aru Cona. If this were another demon, it would have pierced a heart, but this was a great demon. The blow it unleashed in retaliation was enough to rend Ustruslpa's torso in twain.
>>
No. 425521 ID: c811c4
File 134053887342.png - (723.40KB , 700x700 , 66.png )
425521

Smoxu bade the priest speak only his praises, and crucified him above the entrance to the tower. He lived like that for 12 days, a strange gift of the Smoxu's numbing venom.
>>
No. 425522 ID: c811c4
File 134053889022.png - (766.56KB , 700x700 , 67.png )
425522

From then on, the demon ruled, with an insatiable appetite. It would bite the heads right off of goblins, until we realized that we could satiate him easier with alcohol!

It didn't take long for him to become a great alcoholic, too drunk to murder, and he ruled for many years like this.
>>
No. 425526 ID: c811c4
File 134053904821.png - (803.31KB , 700x700 , 68.png )
425526

Yet as we grew used to him, he slowly let his guard down. Eventually, a group of goblins conspired against him, luring his intoxicated self down to the lower pits, where a bottomless chasm had been found. With a well placed pitfall incapable of bearing his weight, he fell off, never to be seen again."
>>
No. 425527 ID: c811c4
File 134053905850.png - (69.89KB , 700x700 , 69.png )
425527

"And that's the story!"
>"Not bad! Here, have a drink in honor of your victory with alcohol! What about humans? Don't they ever come into your towers?"
>>
No. 425528 ID: 505b2f

Enjoy one of the benefits of being a bard, free alcohol! And in case we black out, how long do we have left on our illusion spell?
>>
No. 425529 ID: 702d40

...not just in case we black out...
Story-telling is easily time consuming and I don't think the stories are that distracting...
Well, if you are running out of time, a emergency-plan would be to tell them you made an illusion to look like a kobold... however, a good reason would be necessary^^ maybe within a story... but maybe you manage to get out there soon...

By the way... are you supposed to be in there or was that more like an accident? that would be another reason to speed up...
And remember the romantic guy that will try to find you when he becomes impatient...
>>
No. 425534 ID: a2fa74

>>425527
"Sometimes. Mostly they hear salacious tales of what goes on inside and want to prove their virility. Generally they leave with more humility and a lighter wallet, warn others against doing the same, and the cycle starts anew. Occasionally they want to stay, but mostly they get tossed out anyway.
Humans are very protective of their own, and since they're mostly young men who haven't yet learned a trade they aren't worth fighting over. I think there are one or two living in the tower, but it varies from time to time.

Oh, I should mention - a few of us have curses on us. Mostly it's things that are humiliating, and get in the way of a good time. For example, I'm not 'allowed' to drink booze."

Quaff it

"But fuck that."
>>
No. 425538 ID: 702d40

very good idea for a reason to speed things up and give a excuse when you don't manage it, would be that the dragon chanted a time-based spell that will change you into a kobold when you take too long or try to escape...
>>
No. 425543 ID: 997ce7

>>425534
Excellent.
>>
No. 425544 ID: c891d3

>>425534
Hahahahaha sure. Go for it.
>>
No. 425548 ID: c811c4
File 134054859783.png - (71.42KB , 700x700 , 70.png )
425548

"Sometimes! They hear salacious tales of what goes on and want to prove their virility. Then they leave with more humility and a lighter coin purse, word spreads, and everything comes full circle. Sometimes they want to stay, but often they end up tossed out. Right now there are one or two living at home, but it varies. Also, I should mention! A few of us have been cursed from unrelated events, although they're never that serious. For example, the reason I bring this up is because I'm not supposed to drink booze. And to that, I say fuck it!"
>"Haha, but what happens if you drink booze then? And you're not supposed to down that in one go!"

Oh. Oh, that is not watered down stuff. Uh oh. That is going to hit me pretty soon. In my last moments of sobriety, I must continue this lie with the obvious answer, as I have been looking for an excuse for a contingency plan in case the time runs out! Which looks to be about an hour.

"I turn into a kobold after awhile! Say, about an hour!"
>"Wow, that's kind of rough!"
"A male one!"
>"Wow again. Is that why you're named Stozu?"
"It's embarrasing, but yes!

They are drinking liberally, and I must thank this fact, as I am sure it plays no small part in why they believe that so easily!

>"So how long does it last, if you turn into a kobold? We usually have them as slaves, and you might get confused for one until you change back to a goblin!"
>>
No. 425549 ID: 997ce7

>>425548
I don't really know. The demon wanted all the booze to himself, right? That's why he cursed us, so we wouldn't take his booze. And it worked, none of us touched booze. Besides being utterly awful, it did mean I never got to find out how long it lasted.

I always did wonder what being male was like. Just hope it's not permanent.
>>
No. 425550 ID: 997ce7

If they ask what happened to unrelated events, say you meant that the demon decided to curse you for different reasons- one guy was a drunk, this other guy was his second in command and he wanted him to remember who's boss, and you don't know why he cursed you.
>>
No. 425554 ID: bccf7b

>>425548

Confused for a slave? Hmm... that sounds like our ticket out of here!

Just excuse yourself xD
>>
No. 425556 ID: 997ce7

>>425554
I would just like to know how being taken as a slave will help us escape. That sounds like the exact opposite of escape. I really would like to know why you think this could be a good idea.
>>
No. 425560 ID: 9e3c3d

>>425556
No, they mean "oh, I'll be confused for a slave? Best be making my way off, then, before such a thing happens!"

Not "Oh, I'll be confused for a slave? Neat!"
>>
No. 425562 ID: 997ce7

>>425560
Oh, I see. Yeah, sounds good if we can be out of goblin land in less than an hour, otherwise we *do* run the risk of being taken as a slave.
>>
No. 425564 ID: f5b22e

>>425548
"Until I go back to the dragon and pay 'pennance' of some sort."
>>
No. 425570 ID: cee0ad

>>425549
I second this.
>>
No. 425571 ID: cee0ad

>>425564
No actually I change it to this one, but both are equally as good.
>>
No. 425599 ID: 67e689

>>425564
This seems good.
>>
No. 425608 ID: 48f315

>>425549
>>425564
Either of these work.
>>
No. 425619 ID: 9b5a1a

Well, a demon cursing you and requiring a dragon to fix you wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. Might want to go a bit more vague on that, say you need to perform a ritual of penance all alone in a particular location that's known to be dangerous.

And ideally follow it up with "Maybe I should get started on that now actually. The less time I have to spend with all those scales and horns the better."

I mean, the last thing you want to do is stick around and let them see it. They might suddenly get all sympathetic and try to find a way to "cure" you then.
>>
No. 425622 ID: 48f315

>>425619
It's an or thing, not an and thing.
>>
No. 425652 ID: c811c4
File 134057533851.png - (96.86KB , 700x700 , 71.png )
425652

"Until I go back and pay a penance! If I'm going to get confused as a slave, I'd better get going."
>"Ooookay, but give us a visit! And remember, heh, you owe that guy from before an adventure."
"Ah, right, I'll remember that, but for now I got..."
>>
No. 425653 ID: c811c4
File 134057535105.png - (77.45KB , 700x700 , 72.png )
425653

okay the booze just hit whatever part of my body makes me drunk

like a rock
>>
No. 425654 ID: 132b99

just get out of here and to where the spell needs to be cast. pass out there for a bit if you need to.
>>
No. 425656 ID: b85f8c

>>425653
Time to stumble away drunkenly.
>>
No. 425657 ID: b0d466

QUICK, TO THE NAGA CAVES

UM I MEAN THE KOBOLD CAVES
>>
No. 425658 ID: 9b5a1a

Yeah, there's no rush once you're out of goblin town here. Get out, go home, sleep it off. Shame you don't really have any way to tell when the spell expires. It would be nice for it to do so between leaving here and heading home if you think you have a good enough handle the timing to wait between the two.
>>
No. 425715 ID: b7169d

Drunken booze orgy!
>>
No. 425718 ID: fa9f7e

>>425715
Best idea
>>
No. 425722 ID: 886a4d

>>425715
No... not while your supposed to be a female goblin at least. Maybe later you can get the Lich and the Drake to throw down with you.
>>
No. 425723 ID: fa9f7e

>>425722
But: she didn't notice our muzzle when we made out. Would anyone notice the disparity if we actually fucked them?
>>
No. 425724 ID: a2fa74

>>425653
Head for the dragon instead.
>>
No. 425735 ID: 6c61ee

>>425723
That's a very good question.
What would happen if something were to go into a hole that isn't actually there?

We absolutely must find out.
For science.
>>
No. 425753 ID: fa9f7e

>>425735
And since Whatsherface seems up for some lesbian action, it'd be interesting to see if she feels the penetration or not.




..."Is it in yet?"
>>
No. 425754 ID: b85f8c

>>425735
He has heavily implied that if physical interaction contradicted the illusion, the illusion would break.
>>
No. 425759 ID: fa9f7e

>>425754
>>425453
>I am even more impressed in that that didn't break the illusion, what with the muzzle and all.

Don't think so.
>>
No. 425765 ID: b85f8c

>>425759
That is exactly what I referred to! It's a very convincing illusion, including sense of touch, but it can only go so far!
>>
No. 425774 ID: fa9f7e

>>425765
Good point. Well, we didn't get into this business to be cautious and sensible. Maximum brashness ahead! Ramming speed!
>>
No. 425790 ID: 08005b

>>425653
Propose lesbian sex...
No just kidding, stumble away drunkenly.
>>
No. 425802 ID: c811c4
File 134060307301.png - (224.81KB , 700x700 , 73.png )
425802

okay as much as I would like to stick around, even I know when to call it quits! When to head back to the dragon and get this show on the road so on and so forth.

I bid goodbye as best as my drunken face can formulate the words, and head out of the door, perhaps one day seeing them again under less stressful circumstances!
>>
No. 425803 ID: c811c4
File 134060311512.png - (107.78KB , 700x700 , 74.png )
425803

Perhaps I should kill time for an hour until I'm back to normal, and then sleep off the drunkness at the kobold village.

Actually, considering I was falling over myself just a few moments ago, I'm not feeling drunk. In fact, I feel full of sobriety.

My senses are slowly catching up, and they are all telling me that something has gone astray.
>>
No. 425805 ID: b0d466

Um. Look around! Can you find the rest of your clothes?
>>
No. 425807 ID: 08005b

I see that our propositions for lesbian sex have worked...
>>
No. 425808 ID: b85f8c

>>425803
Great. You passed out. Where are you?
>>
No. 425811 ID: 08005b

Soooo... I have an interesting question: If we had sex while in the female form, and the illusion was physical, then would she even know she was being fully penetrated?
>>
No. 425812 ID: 2bafff

>>425803
looks like something my have happened while you were drunk and you forgot
>>
No. 425821 ID: b0ef59

You may want to figure out where you are.
>>
No. 425822 ID: 08005b

Oh shit guys I just realized, this is the one man hangover movie, QUICK TO THE NEAREST MEMORY PASSAGE NOT SMOGGED MY ALCOHOL!
>>
No. 425823 ID: 9b5a1a

Oh drat. Did you pass out before getting out of goblin town? Is that a slave's loincloth?

If so, you need to immediately try and find someone from the party there and beg them for help. Say the curse kicked in and there's been a huge mistake.
>>
No. 425841 ID: c811c4
File 134062558692.png - (88.37KB , 700x700 , 75.png )
425841

>Where are the rest of your clothes
Not in the immediate vicinity, based on a quick look around!

>Slave's loincloth
I believe that this is actually a bedsheet. And hey, there's something... ah. The scroll was stuffed inside. It would appear that I am responsible even while blacked out! Regardless, I must remember to improve my booze handling in the future.

But! I do know where I am. Somewhat north of the kobold village. Actually, the rock is soft, so maybe maybe west, closer to where the lizardfolk are? Either way, I can find my way back and get to this lich prank!

However, at the same time, I'm left wondering what has transpired in the last... however much time has rode on by, in the goblin halls.
>>
No. 425842 ID: a2fa74

>>425841
Look around for whoever may have been drunk with you. If you have any skills as a tracker, now would be a good time to put them to use.
If not, then go to the dragon. We need to tell her about owing money for the scroll before she cinderifies whoever gets sent to collect.
>>
No. 425856 ID: 08005b

I'm calling bullshit, you know exactly what happened. You had sex with some very cute goblin girls and boys and now you can't remember it... You sad sad man.
>>
No. 425865 ID: c811c4
File 134064033189.png - (51.73KB , 700x700 , 76.png )
425865

>You know what happened
If I had times in a bed, and I don't remember it, then this story I am making is a tragedy!

I don't believe I'll be able to find anyone else at the party in the close vicinity, so it's time for me to head off to miss Dragon.

I wonder how long this potion lasts for illusions, as it still appears that I can see the Drake for what she is.

>"Do you have something to tell me, Bard?!"
>>
No. 425867 ID: 886a4d

Yup,

1. You are now a proud owner of a water scroll.
2. You owe 700 shinies for said scroll
3. Unless you want to wake up not knowing what happened do not chug Goblin Whiskey.
>>
No. 425870 ID: 505b2f

Ask the Drake how long we were gone
>>
No. 425872 ID: 08005b

>>425867
Second
>>
No. 425880 ID: bdb3f8

It is just possible that tiny adorable drake already knows about 700 shinnies bill, and is upset about that. Greedy dragon tendencies aside, it would be a significant chunk of her actual hoard, after all.
>>
No. 425892 ID: b0ef59

Bring up the scroll and how much it costs, but remind her that it is unlikely anyone will come to collect it from her.


Also how long you were out.
>>
No. 425895 ID: a2fa74

>>425867
Point out that there's no way you could have outright stolen it, and you expected she would just deny all knowledge of purchase.
>>
No. 425926 ID: b85f8c

Congratulate her on pranking you with the female goblin illusion.
>>
No. 425928 ID: fa9f7e

>>425892
>>425895
>>425926
These.


I am going to laugh so hard if she actually thinks you are female and/or that illusion was male.
>>
No. 425934 ID: 214bf9

>>425926
Start with this to put her in a better mood
>>
No. 425976 ID: c811c4
File 134066639115.png - (49.81KB , 700x700 , 77.png )
425976

"First of all, congratulations on your prank."
>"I hope you had a terrible time! Don't dodge the subject."
"Secondly, you are the proud new owner of a water scroll! Thirdly, you owe 700 to the goblin! Fourthly, unless you want to wake up not knowing what happened, don't drink goblin ale! How long was I away for?"
>"Several hours, and don't treat me like I've got a tiny little crappy kobold liver! And yes, some goblins came by saying that there was a tab of 700 gold! I don't owe 700, I'm not paying that! I hope they know what your dumb kobold face looks like, so they can go hunt you down."
"I couldn't have outright stolen it, and I figured you might not have paid anyway!"
>"Good! Because I'm not! That's a lot of gold!"
>>
No. 425977 ID: bccf7b

>>425865

Amend it:

> 1. You are now a proud owner of a water scroll.
> 2. Unless you want to wake up not knowing what happened do not chug Goblin Whiskey.
3. I may or may not be the father of some kind of freak of nature.
>>
No. 425979 ID: a2fa74

>>425976
"So if I knew you wouldn't pay it, and you knew you wouldn't pay it, why are you mad?
Or did I do something really stupid while drunk?"
>>
No. 425988 ID: c811c4
File 134066837831.png - (109.30KB , 700x700 , 78.png )
425988

"So if both of us knew you wouldn't pay, why are you mad? Did I do something dumb while drunk?"
>"Of course you did something dumb! But even worse, you reminded me I don't even have--!
"What?"
>"Nothing!"
"You don't have...?"
>"I don't have 700 gold pieces!"
"But your hoard is -"
>"FOOOOLS GOOOOLLLD!!"
>>
No. 425990 ID: 2bafff

bow and apologize and offer to help in any way you can to make up for it
>>
No. 425991 ID: 299ed3

"So, What did I do while I was drunk, and why did you go through the trouble of making fool's gold into coins?"
>>
No. 425993 ID: fa9f7e

She is aderpable. Hug her at the first opportunity. Possibly seduce her, Tsunderes make for entertaining stories.


Also, pyrite is fairly valuable in large masses, especially spheres, if she can find a mineral collector. And I'm sure it has *some* use here.
>>
No. 425994 ID: b85f8c

That is horrible. Why doesn't she have kobolds working for her to get gold?
>>
No. 425998 ID: 132b99

>>425994
because the ones that get a marketable skill are kidnapped.
>>
No. 426000 ID: e3f578

>>425988
This is going to hurt relations with the gobbos definitely.
I hope she admitted that you were her servant, but not that you had access to your tab.

"Why are you so protective of fool's gold? God, you really do need to open a business. You're a powerful drake illusionist for the gods' sake, making money should be easy for you. Why aren't [people occasionally bringing you protection tribute so you don't crush them?"
>>
No. 426006 ID: c891d3

Give the poor drake a hug.
>>
No. 426018 ID: 9b5a1a

I say let the whole matter drop. You were using a one-off disguise right? Nobody's ever going to be able to collect on the bill. And there's no reason to feel sorry for a bunch of goblins who keep kobolds as slaves!

After bringing these points up, it's time to get back on task with the lich flooding prank. Hopefully you won't come face to face with her this time, you'll be able to report a nice little success, and you can go home without any particular fear of being killed, with a few nice new stories!
>>
No. 426026 ID: b85f8c

We were gone for a few hours which means we likely spent some time with the illusion inactive.

Also the drake just said we did something dumb while drunk- that means she knows what it was. Ask her!
>>
No. 426040 ID: b0ef59

Ask her what you did.

The best thing for her right now is to dwell on it.
>>
No. 426048 ID: c811c4
File 134067471747.png - (83.12KB , 700x700 , 79.png )
426048

>Let the matter drop
I would be prone to doing this, but the question 'Did I get laid?' should never be!

"So what dumb action did I take?"
>"Existing."
"..oh. Okay, so why do you have trouble? I mean, everyone thinks you're a huge dragon! I'm surprised you're not harassing us kobolds for gold."
>"If I did raid your village, how much gold would I find? Honestly?"
"I'm sure we have... a few pieces here and there. But what about the goblins? Tribute?"
>"Oh, it doesn't matter! My stupid dragon character is too prideful to have anything to do with any of you. It's dumb, but now it's even worse to say that and then change my mind later to say I want tribute! Besides, the goblins have an army. It just takes one group of them to feel confident and angry enough at me. Same for the lizards or gnolls or whatever. What then?"

>Hug her
>"Don't touch me."
"You say that, but you're not stopping me."
>"Hmph. We have a lich to prank. I burrowed a tunnel into the lich's quarters. I'm sure it's big enough for your scrawny butt."
>>
No. 426050 ID: c811c4
File 134067476566.png - (89.57KB , 700x700 , 80.png )
426050

We head off, and the drake quietly bursts through the wall and begins making a sizeable hole, to which I fill up with water successfully!

>"Tehehehehe okay I made an illusion to make the floor and wall and everything look authentic! Since it's a minor illusion and the lich expects it to look like that anyway, even he shouldn't catch on! Hehehehe the Lich won't know what hit him!"
"Him?"
>"It's a sack of bones you idiot, it doesn't matter! Now shut up and wait!"
"But really, what did I do while drunk?"
>"But really, shut up! He - it'll hear you!"
>>
No. 426051 ID: 09e5bf

Stay quiet, and wait for lich.
>>
No. 426052 ID: b85f8c

>>426050
Be vewwy vewwy qwiet.
>>
No. 426054 ID: 9b5a1a

Yeah. Be ready to scram if she's really mad though. Or hell, even if she's not. Liches can be dangerously fickle.
>>
No. 426055 ID: 299ed3

"How are we going to get out of here when he realizes he has been pranked and notices your illusion?"
>>
No. 426056 ID: 132b99

shut your face
>>
No. 426059 ID: b0ef59

Silently ask about escape plan, then wait. After the Hilarity Happens, escape.

What's the worst that could happen?
>>
No. 426060 ID: c811c4
File 134067564782.png - (120.87KB , 700x700 , 81.png )
426060

It takes a long time, but the Drake shows no signs of wanting to give up seeing this. Then the door opens, and the lich comes!

The Lich doesn't see, and the Drake grins. And then we hear the sound of water making a splish, but also solidifying quickly into ice as the Lich's foot lands. The Drake looks crushed as we realize the lich may walk right over it. Then...

>"Ah. My foot is stuck. Hm." The Lich muses.
>>
No. 426061 ID: fa9f7e

>>426060
Duck. Now. And get make the drake to duck too. Just in case.
>>
No. 426062 ID: 132b99

is this the time we jump out and go AHA!
>>
No. 426063 ID: b0ef59

Once the lich realizes its foot is stuck in ice, I expect that Face Melting Spell is going to make a come back.

You should consider the possibility that it will make the range a little larger than a few feet this time.
>>
No. 426064 ID: e3aff6

Try not to laugh.
>>
No. 426065 ID: f7ae22

With a series of complex hand gestures, tell the drake to use her fire magic to warm up the water and melt the ice.
>>
No. 426066 ID: 2bafff

start singing "I like big butts and I cannot lie"
>>
No. 426069 ID: e3f578

>>426060
wait, foot?
It looks like a big snake lich!
How in the fuck does she even need feet!
>>
No. 426074 ID: b85f8c

Shh!
>>
No. 426077 ID: 08005b

just wait
>>
No. 426078 ID: 735f4f

Watch as we find out the lich is a bunch of little guys in a bad costume.
>>
No. 426080 ID: c811c4
File 134068117536.png - (63.97KB , 700x700 , 82.png )
426080

I can keep quiet, but miss Drake is losing it, so we escape out of there before the Lich can retaliate!

>"ohmanohman that was great."
"Mission accomplished!"
>"Yeah, now I just have to be on my guard so that I can get the upper hand and I haven't been this excited since..."
>>
No. 426081 ID: c811c4
File 134068120963.png - (58.34KB , 700x700 , 83.png )
426081

>"I'm still mad at you."
>>
No. 426082 ID: c891d3

Well I mean that's fair.
>>
No. 426083 ID: fa9f7e

>>426081
Kiss her, sweep her off her claws, and run a long way away to begin frenetic lovemaking, planning, ass-kissing, or any combination of the above.
>>
No. 426084 ID: fa9f7e

Oh, and tell her about pyrite's not being completely worthless, especially if she has spheres of them. Besides their rarity value, I'm sure some pretentious mages would buy them for ridiculous markups to use for divination.
>>
No. 426085 ID: e3f578

>>426081
"Anything I can do to change that?"
>>
No. 426086 ID: 132b99

give a bow "well we certainly can't have that"
>>
No. 426087 ID: b85f8c

Ask how such a lowly kobold such as yourself could make it up to her.
>>
No. 426088 ID: 67e689

>>426083
This is the best plan.
>>
No. 426089 ID: 9b5a1a

Apologize, then ask what it is you're apologizing for again.
>>
No. 426090 ID: b0ef59

Moar hugs.
>>
No. 426091 ID: 09e5bf

>>426089
The drake is mad that Bardbold reminded her that she's broke.

The clear answer is to go on an adventure and make money.
>>
No. 426094 ID: 112a7b

>>426091

Couldn't she...fuck I don't know, sell some of the scales she has already shed?

Must be a bitchin' alchemy ingredient, even if they are old and useless for armor making.
>>
No. 426096 ID: e3aff6

>>426094
Don't bring that up. Those are dragon scales you are thinking of.
>>
No. 426104 ID: 132b99

>>426091
yes
>>
No. 426111 ID: c811c4
File 134068550671.png - (90.16KB , 700x700 , 84.png )
426111

>Sweep her off her claws
Ah, I would never say such a thing, but given what I have seen, she is rather... shall we say, well fed. Hugs and a respectful kiss, however, are fair game!

"I apologize! However, even fool's gold has use. Perhaps as a simple metal, or for some pretentious mages that wish for odd raw materials."
>"Yeah, and how am I supposed to find anyone like that? Only damn mages are goblins and lizards, and you're not welcome in either!"
"Perhaps I shall go on an adventure for gold!"
>"Gah. All you do is look competent, but when it comes down to it, all you do is get all kissy faced then fall down from liquor and get left for the pickings. Why don't you go ask the lich for a job. I bet he'd hire a fool like you for a fool's errand and maybe even tell you where to sell some fool's gold to some foolish fool."
>>
No. 426112 ID: 08005b

but then who would be the fool: the fool, or the fool who follows the fool?
>>
No. 426114 ID: b85f8c

Sounds like a plan!
>>
No. 426115 ID: fa9f7e

>>426111
"Oh? So tell me, how did it go with the lich just now?"
>>
No. 426116 ID: 9b5a1a

She could go visiting mages in disguise, like the one she just stuck you with, or send someone out to deal with it for her. If that ends up being you in drag again though, try to get a different face at least.

I don't know if she'd really want you checking if the lich needs any help right now, since, well, it's the lich's turn for a prank next. For that matter, I wouldn't be surprised if the lich knew you were there the whole time. My impression is she's nicer than she lets on, but you know you're in for some kind of a pranking yourself. Although, again, the great lich and dragon prank war IS a good story. Just... try and get some of it written down in case it ends abruptly.
>>
No. 426118 ID: 132b99

how about we actually go to surface. just need to learn how to cast disguise self and we would be golden.
>>
No. 426121 ID: 2bafff

>>426111
refuse say you will do whatever you can to help the drake...er dragon because you don't like the lich
>>
No. 426125 ID: 9b5a1a

>>426121

You mean because you like the drake. The lich is good people, and I think we're all sorta-friends here really.
>>
No. 426162 ID: 85bd72

Tell her she doesn't get to be mad at what you did when you were drunk if she isn't going to tell you what you did while you were drunk.
>>
No. 426170 ID: c811c4
File 134069096195.png - (79.86KB , 700x700 , 85.png )
426170

"Are you sure you're not mad at me over what I did while I was drunk? If so, then tell me what I did!"
>"I'm not! Now get yourself to the lich."
"What would the lich do if he know that I was involved in the prank then?"
>"Something favorable to if you decline getting me gold!"
"Ah, but I would rather do that directly, rather than going to the lich - "
>"I didn't tell you to go to the Lich for your own wishes! If anything, it'll get you in his or her good books for future pranks. I bet he has a ton of gold too, you should steal some."
"Uh..."
>"You're right, you'd just die. So just go schmooze a lich to distract away from me, get a job, and come back to me!"

She crams a bunch of her gold in a big sack and throws it at me once we reach her lair.

I imagine if I got her some real gold, she would be quite happy regardless of whether or not the lich was ever seen by me.
>>
No. 426171 ID: 3eba16

>>426111
Ah, do your huggy and kissy actions mean that you have decided to travel the path of romance with this adorable drake? Because if they do, you need to remember to not seduce anyone else anymore, lest you ruin the whole relationship with your unfaithfulness.

Also it would just be a jerk move to do that anyway, so don't do it.
>>
No. 426172 ID: 132b99

>>426171
>bard
>not flirt with everything
you crazy
>>
No. 426173 ID: 9b5a1a

Well, she did raise a pretty good point against making a solo effort of it. "Only damn mages are goblins and lizards, and you're not welcome in either!" Since she isn't apparently willing to provide you with a disguise, that seems like a dead end.

Meanwhile, she just gave you a definite green light to go play with the lich some more, even though it's almost certain to lead to you pranking her again. Seems like everyone involved is just in it for fun so sure! Let's go pay the lich a visit! Hell, maybe she'll have a use for the fool's gold herself, or be willing to take you on as an apprentice for helping her. Maybe teach you a couple illusion spells of your own. That'd be handy for all sorts of things.
>>
No. 426174 ID: b85f8c

>>426170
We should go distract the lich regardless.

Oh, ask how you're supposed to talk about the sack of fools' gold without exposing her. Does the lich already know?
>>
No. 426177 ID: 9b5a1a

The lich is the one who let us in on it in the first place. Probably saw us pulling the water prank too, but seemed to be keeping a good sense of humor about it. Again, she's good people.
>>
No. 426178 ID: 4a26e5

>>426171

As a rule, bards flirt with EVERYTHING that is of the opposite gender, or the same if they swing that way, or both if they swing THAT way.

Regardless if they have compatible organs or not.
>>
No. 426182 ID: b85f8c

That reminds me we haven't been flirting with the drake enough. Bow before leaving and say that you hope when you return your success might bring a smile to her pretty face.
>>
No. 426183 ID: b0ef59

You should deffs go visit the lich again.
>>
No. 426189 ID: c811c4
File 134069437591.png - (74.04KB , 700x700 , 86.png )
426189

"Wait, how am I supposed to talk to the lich without exposing all the fool's gold? Does she know already?"
>"Oh what does it matter, she knows I'm just a drake anyway."
"Well, I will be off. I hope my successfull return brings a smile to your pretty face. Good day!"
>"It better. Bye."
>>
No. 426190 ID: c811c4
File 134069438771.png - (118.61KB , 700x700 , 87.png )
426190

And so I head to the lich's place, and the skeleton guards let me on through to wander around the halls until the Lich comes up to me.

>"Well if it isn't my favorite currently-living kobold. You came back quick. It has been a long day for your mortal little body, hasn't it?"
>>
No. 426191 ID: 12c32f

"The days aren't long enough for someone as beautiful as you."
>>
No. 426192 ID: b85f8c

Yes, it sure has. Ask how much he/she knows about what you've been doing.
>>
No. 426194 ID: 9b5a1a

Beautiful might be laying it on a little thick. "I figured you might like some company" works better.

Either way though, see if she wouldn't mind having a seat somewhere, make some small talk, and ask how she first got into the magic game. Hopefully work from there into either some lessons, or maybe trading the fool's gold for something of more value... or revenge on the drake for that last prank. Maybe all 3 at once!
>>
No. 426196 ID: c811c4
File 134069709582.png - (68.15KB , 700x700 , 88.png )
426196

"The days aren't long enough to keep as much of your company as I would like!"
...
"So, how about we take a seat and have a little chat?"
>"Go ahead. I am already sitting."
"If I may, how did you enter the game of magic in the first place?"
>"It is an incredibly boring tale, so much that I have forgotten it. I can make myself remember if I wish, but I will simply forget it again."
"I don't think it would be! I, for one, would love to learn magic."
>"And I am sure that there would be a master out there who would love to spend months of their time watching a little kobold strain their face to try and get a tiny little candle flame at their fingertips because it's so much cooler than flint and tender."
"Well, maybe things other than fire! For instance, I am carrying a sack of fool's gold. Is it possible for a mage to turn this into real gold?"
>"Or something. Mages do all sorts of crazy things just because they can. That's a lot of fool's gold. Did you talk the drake out of her hoard?"
"Ah, I am seeking to do something with it, and turn it into something valuable!"
>"Yes, funny I should think of the drake so soon. Perhaps that is because I just recently stepped in a pond, hidden by a competent illusion. And I suppose I just can't help but think that drake had something to do with it, being the only thing around here that can cast illusions to such a level. Oh, and also the only thing that would do that to me. But surely you had nothing to do with it?"
"Ah, but I wonder how much you already know about what I have been doing all throughout today?"
>"I have not been paying attention, I am not sorry if you have been craving the attention."
>>
No. 426198 ID: b85f8c

>>426196
Time to get to the point. You'd like to do some work for them.
>>
No. 426200 ID: b85f8c

...although I guess it wouldn't hurt that you were hoping they'd be able to tell you what you did while you were drunk.
>>
No. 426201 ID: a2fa74

>>426196
"A pity. I spent quite a few hours completely inebriated, and the mystery of what happened vexes me to no end.
So, can you direct me to somebody who has a use for fool's gold? Or perhaps you have a paying job I could take?"
>>
No. 426202 ID: c811c4
File 134069795502.png - (33.11KB , 700x700 , 89.png )
426202

"Well, I spent a few hours inebrated to the point of blacking out and still doing things! Hence, I was hoping for a longshot that you may have somehow known what I was up to."
>"Ah, but you likely have those memories sealed up somewhere. It just so happens that I, not having wasted all of my time teaching magic, have weaved a spell I have aptly titled 'Recover Memories.' Such a personal thing requires the subject to be willing. So it is necessary for me to ask you if you would like me to cast this spell?"
>>
No. 426203 ID: 299ed3

Why not. Accepting candy from strangers is always fun!
>>
No. 426207 ID: b85f8c

Uh hrm well um... On one hand if you knew you could add it to the tale, on the other it might actually be private stuff you did.

Not sure.
>>
No. 426208 ID: c6ec33

>>426202
Say yes, ON THE CONDITION that it tells you what the heck kind of critter it used to be. Because that tail is wicked cool.
>>
No. 426209 ID: 132b99

hey this is a tale about BRASH ACTION, so yeah, accept that shit.
>>
No. 426210 ID: 886a4d

I'm guessing naga.
>>
No. 426211 ID: 927efa

Ironically, Fool's Gold (iron pyrite) can be used as flint to start fires. Make of that what you will.
>>
No. 426212 ID: 9b5a1a

I can see two potential problems with this memory spell idea.
1- We are so very screwed if this statement wasn't made in a knowing/joking fashion: "Yes, funny I should think of the drake so soon. Perhaps that is because I just recently stepped in a pond, hidden by a competent illusion. And I suppose I just can't help but think that drake had something to do with it, being the only thing around here that can cast illusions to such a level. Oh, and also the only thing that would do that to me. But surely you had nothing to do with it?"

2- May involve repressed memories of gay goblin sex.

Those risks aside though, to say know would be the safe and boring answer, and we're on a total hot streak being brash and taking stupid risks! Let it ride!
>>
No. 426214 ID: c811c4
File 134069958459.png - (76.55KB , 700x700 , 90.png )
426214

"Yes, if you tell me what kind of critter you used to be!"
>"Fine. Let's see, then... there you are.. making up stories.. ah, there is the drink. Yes, as that goblin said, that sort isn't meant for chugging. Let's see.. there, you will leave, and there you passed out. Nothing impressive here, all you did was flop over. Goblins have a good laugh, pick you up again and put you on the bed, thinking you passed out. But you were conscious. Ah, little buddy, you are a pervert, taking advantage of being placed on their bed to grab at your friend and pull her down onto the bed. And so your carnal desires show themselves to be more of a priority than having a conscious, and the drake's illusion, shall we say, grew past its limits. Let me fast forward."
"That's the good part!"
>"Better luck next time. Okay, here we... wait, no, that was just a break. You're still going at it. Fast forward... fast forward... it's a good thing kobolds and goblins rarely result in kids. They just keep on asking you questions about the surface, and you babble senselessly. You really don't remember this? I imagine this was supposed to be the most memorable. Aha, here's something. That sure was an answer you gave them. They really believed that you turned into a kobold. Then all of you sleep for some time, more times are had, then leave."
"Wait a minute! I'm not getting anything! Am I supposed to be seeing and remembering all this stuff?!"
>"Nope. Ah, and there you are in a giggling fit as you flee from your assistance with the pond prank."
>>
No. 426215 ID: b85f8c

>>426214
Heyyy, we didn't say he could go that far. We just asked about when we were drunk!
>>
No. 426216 ID: 886a4d

Well you got me. Are you going to do anything in retaliation? Perhaps to save my own skin I can help you prank her?
>>
No. 426217 ID: 9b5a1a

"Well, I figured you already worked that much out. The drake enjoyed herself though and no harm was done to you though right?"
>>
No. 426220 ID: 132b99

well, even though you don't remember it, i am sure the goblin girls will all remember you, for a very long time. and that even when completely out of it you are a charming master.
>>
No. 426221 ID: 4a26e5

>>426214

Damn son, ripped as hell AND the stamina to back it up?

What the hell type of Kobold are you? You sure you don't have some Dragonborn blood in you? Can't be Lizardman, they aren't all that smart usually.
>>
No. 426224 ID: 132b99

>>426221
>dragonborn
>not dragon blood
laughinggoblingirls.png


wait, shit, if he DOES have dragon blood then all the goblins are now pregnant, dragons are the only thing better then humans at inter-species breeding.
>>
No. 426225 ID: c811c4
File 134070145792.png - (62.37KB , 700x700 , 91.png )
426225

>The stamina to back it up among other compliments
A constant regime of exercise, this did not come freely! I am positive that I have no dragonborn blood that I am aware of. I believe I would know if I did, as I am positive that my parents, or parent's parents, would never have sealed their mouths about it if it were so. I am simply a shining example of good kobold genetics, if I may gloat!

"Heyyy. Are you going to do something in retaliation? You see, I originally came by with the intent for a job!"
>"Why are you grinning at yourse - nevermind. A job?"
"Yes, for money! Errands and things! I was also hoping you may know of a way to get this fool's gold into something valuable, maybe a mage somewhere?"
>"You're in luck. I do occasionally have business that requires leaving of my lair, but it is difficult to do so when all of your workers, tireless sleepless and loyal as they are, are killed on sight. You may be my personal errand kobold. I do believe that I have business inside of the lizardfolk territory. A simple task of gaining reagents that are not fool's gold. If you do this, I will pay you. Plus, I believe that you will be able to find someone there who wishes for fool's gold, as you say, it is popular with mages."
"... but you won't retaliate?"
>"Knowing what has happened to the last few mortals that have been under my payroll, I do not believe I have to go out of my way to retaliate. In fact, I would like to at least have a chance of this errand going smoothly, so I will tell you that lizardfolk will stomp on anyone they think they can, similar to goblins. I may not care for appearances, but you do, and you should. First of all, what is your name?"
"Yapper."
>"Unacceptable. Choose a better one."
>>
No. 426226 ID: 886a4d

Bard-Without-Stories
>>
No. 426227 ID: 132b99

>>426226
i dunno, this story is shaping up to be pretty awesome.
>>
No. 426228 ID: 7c31d2

Story Seeker?
>>
No. 426229 ID: 4a26e5

>>426225

Well at least you have two parts down of being a traveling bard.

The ability to please a large group of women, and the ability to run very fast.

Need to work on your alcohol tolerance a bit, while we are finding you some stories.
>>
No. 426230 ID: b85f8c

You wish to be known as The Bard, do you not?
>>
No. 426231 ID: 9b5a1a

Skullsmash Hellslayer?
>>
No. 426237 ID: 505b2f

Bragi Skaldson?
>>
No. 426241 ID: a2fa74

>>426225
Lustpenis the Indefatigable.
They won't want to test that.
>>
No. 426251 ID: 68f2f2
File 134072077065.jpg - (27.59KB , 500x283 , 1215390938720_f.jpg )
426251

>>426225
It can only be..

the name most respected and feared throughout the galaxy...

BRUCE IRONSTAUNCH
>>
No. 426252 ID: c891d3

Let's go for The Bard.
>>
No. 426269 ID: e3f578

>>426225
Westin Chirgill
>>
No. 426279 ID: 8a3061

Angus McManslaughter
>>
No. 426281 ID: 59a190

>>426251
this
>>
No. 426296 ID: d7e757

>>426226
>>
No. 426311 ID: c6ec33

>>426225
Dovahkin.
>>
No. 426312 ID: 6e44d2

Wilhelm the Clever.
>>
No. 426339 ID: a5c529

Bog bob more cock
>>
No. 426340 ID: a5c529

No wait even better, Bigbob Morecock
>>
No. 426370 ID: 3eba16

Name yourself The Bard, since that's the name you have always wanted to have.
>>
No. 426374 ID: 4a328b

>>426370
I agree. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE it is!
>>
No. 426380 ID: 997ce7

>>426374
He said The Bard, not the Bard of Avon. Hopefully this will make us into a Time Lord.
>>
No. 426385 ID: f5b22e

>>426225
Stozo Goblin-Frolick.
>>
No. 426389 ID: 2bafff

D'Artagnan
>>
No. 426484 ID: c811c4
File 134076099018.png - (65.61KB , 700x700 , 92.png )
426484

"The Bard!"
>"... you are aware that the point of this name is to give a visage that involves not getting pushed around, yes?"
>"Bruce Ironstaunch?"
>"Less humany."
".. Skullsmash Hellslayer?"
>"Less orcy."
"... Stozo Goblin-Frolick?"
>"Less gobliny."
".... Lustp-"
>"No."
"Story Seeker"
>"Less gnoll... you know what, that's fine. Or the Bard around here where there are no bards, but I will call you Story Seeker. Next. You appear to be wearing a bed cloth. I won't outfit you with the finest cloth, as you would just get mugged as soon as you stepped out of here."
>>
No. 426487 ID: c811c4
File 134076105565.png - (92.67KB , 700x900 , 93.png )
426487

>"Nevertheless, improvements have to be made on your fashion."
>>
No. 426488 ID: a5c529

We still don't know what kind of critter he/she was originally
>>
No. 426496 ID: d7e757

>>426487
I suggest a vest with simple pants, perhaps a belt of pouches. Your physique is one of your wonderful assets, it'd be good to show it off.
>>
No. 426503 ID: e3f578

I was going to make a popped collar open chest tunic with scarf or handkerchief and standard pants with cheap wrap around belt, but I have to redownload GIMP :(
>>
No. 426518 ID: 9b5a1a

I'm too lazy to try and draw it, but if we're at all D&D based here, the armor of choice for the bard on the go tends to be a nice chain shirt.

Also, if we're going for a tough intimidating adventurer outfit in monster land, it should incorporate a bare minimum of 3 skulls. Assuming our necromancer friend here is willing to part with them that is.

I was going to suggest making one last stop by the drake's before leaving, see if she feels like hooking us up with another disguise spell, but we seem to be in full-on paper doll mode, which suggests that option isn't on the table.

Or maybe it is. Just... pretend I pasted some Tquil-whatever fanart into the image box here.
>>
No. 426522 ID: 997ce7

>>426518
If we go D&D, we need to get glibness. And ask if you can get a mithral chain shirt of speed.

>>426496
Also, breeches to emphasize whatever external genitals you have. Do you have a cloaca or do you just let it all hang?
>>
No. 426524 ID: e3f578

IF we get chainmail armor I demand a popped collar tunic over it, well it'll be a normal tunic that Yapper will personally pop its collar on demand of the audience.

My point is, I don't care what it is, as long as we can pop it's collar.
>>
No. 426526 ID: 3f0104
File 134076328351.png - (95.37KB , 700x900 , 134076105565.png )
426526

The only true form.
>>
No. 426527 ID: 4a26e5

>>426526

Doesn't accurately portray his virility.
>>
No. 426531 ID: 997ce7

>>426527
Fact.
>>
No. 426540 ID: e3f578
File 134076465609.png - (76.24KB , 700x900 , StorySeeker.png )
426540

Added a little belt satchel to my idea mixed with the chainmail, though I suppose this is a vest instead.
Still, poppable collar.
>>
No. 426547 ID: 9b5a1a

>>426540

Good start, but seriously, need to bling that out with a few skulls. Shoulder pads, belt buckle, maybe a helmet. Skulls are the height of lizardfolk fashion!
>>
No. 426551 ID: b0ef59

You are only allowed to bling it out with skulls you took yourself.

I think that's, like, the rule or something.
>>
No. 426585 ID: af3431
File 134077101538.png - (163.29KB , 700x900 , lizardbold.png )
426585

If you need to show you're not to be pushed around, you obviously need some sort of armour. But you don't want to get too fancy looking in case someone asks you to back it up. So just go with a simple leather getup with chainmail undershirt and iron shoulderpad. Maybe throw in a little war paint and tooth armband.
>>
No. 426587 ID: 4a328b

Pimp robe.
>>
No. 426588 ID: b0d1a8
File 134077173594.png - (225.16KB , 700x900 , lagodoll.png )
426588

Now he's ready for Caspian Border. That's where hes going right?
>>
No. 426607 ID: 34cbef
File 134077450504.png - (71.00KB , 700x900 , 134076105565.png )
426607

just the essentials- leather and fur
>>
No. 426608 ID: a2fa74

>>426588
Agreed.
>>
No. 426685 ID: ff1953

>>426585
I'm liking this... though as a bard I'd prefer somthing my dashing and refined. Nothing too expensive looking but you know, bardly. God I wish I could draw.
>>
No. 426715 ID: 6e44d2

>>426685
Add a purple cape, just to say "fuck you" to the world.
>>
No. 426896 ID: c811c4
File 134085640004.png - (101.04KB , 700x700 , 94.png )
426896

poof

"Oh, magic armor? This does make me feel.. accomplished! No warpaint?"
>"You aren't going there to take the reagents by force, are you?."
"But it's stylish. How about a purple cape, too?"
>"No, you are appearing before rabble led by warlords, not nobility under kings and emperors."
"Also, you still haven't told me what critter you were?"
>"A mortal."
"That's not what a critter is!"
>"I disagree. Now here is the list, and based on what I know, enough gold to cover it. You can keep the remaining gold that remains after the purchase."

>Make one last stop at the drake for an illusion
I know I just got new clothes, apparently magically, but maybe I should see if I can't get a proper illusion before heading to the lizard folk.
>>
No. 426898 ID: 9b5a1a

While you're there, apologize for making a drunken fool of yourself again, and ask if there's anything in particular she'd like beyond just some gold coins to scatter around.
>>
No. 426949 ID: b85f8c

Actually I dunno if you need an illusion. You could ask if one would help?
>>
No. 427048 ID: 3eba16

You have stylish new duds now! You have no need for illusions!

Well, Probably no need.
>>
No. 427049 ID: 886a4d

Ya lets see how the lizardmen react to the new you... though if theres any chance of meeting goblins a disguise might be a good idea. Your a pretty distinctive Kobold. Still charging ahead seems to have worked out for you so why stop now?
>>
No. 427187 ID: b33427

Visit the dragon. Even though you probably wouldn't be able to get a convincing lizardman illusion put on you, since you're too short, you can get an illusion placed on the gold to make it appear to be worthless, in case you get mugged. Get an illusion with a dispel command, for when you actually get to dealing. You can also show the list to the dragon and ask if she knows what this stuff you're getting is used for.

...Also, ask the lich before leaving what will make this magical armor you're wearing vanish or change. You really don't want it to go "poof" in the middle of negotiations, leaving you stark naked. No matter the response, get something real to wear around your nether regions.
>>
No. 427191 ID: 9718f3

The last time the dragon put an illusion on you, it was a prank. And by all appearances she's more upset at you now than she was then. I don't think it is a good idea.
>>
No. 427192 ID: c891d3

>>426896
Even if you don't wind up needing the illusion, you could totally offer whatever gold you don't spend to the dragon. Might make her feel a little better.
>>
No. 427194 ID: f7ae22

Don't worry about the magical armor, I'm sure it'll be completely fine. You don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth! You gotta trust your lich and drake buddies, they haven't let you down yet! Get an illusion from the drake and continue trusting her implicitly. Even if she does do a silly illusion joke that doesn't put you in any real danger, that could be enough to make her feel "even" with you, which would be good for keeping her as a buddy and ally.
>>
No. 427259 ID: 92b5fb
File 134094981277.png - (121.39KB , 700x700 , 95.png )
427259

"Oh, wait, what about the bands of teeth?"
>"You have to get them yourself. Those are the rules."
"O..kay. And what would make this armor disappear? I would rather not have it go poof on me!"
>"Dispel magic would do it. But do you think mages have nothing better to do than going around casting dispel magic on everyone they see? If you get in a fight with one, I don't have an impression it would matter whether or not you were wearing the armor."
"Alright! I'll just wear something underneath, too. Well then, milady, I will be off!"
>"Good luck."
>>
No. 427260 ID: 92b5fb
File 134094990770.png - (72.82KB , 700x700 , 96.png )
427260

A visit to the drake comes next!
"I have temporarily returned! I must go to the lizardfolk territory, and would ask if you wanted anything aside from mere gold!"
>"No, I am just asking one thing of you."
"Alright! Next on my agenda, this lich has given my a list of reagents to gather. Might you tell me what sorts of things these reagents are for?"
>"Lets see... these reagents are dumb and pointless. I think the lich is just sending you on a fool's errand to mess with you. As long as you get money out of this, I don't care."
"Nextly, I must wonder if there is an illusion you could place on me to make my job easier? Perhaps, ah, less.. suggestive."
>"Fine, since you're working for me. And the lich, but mostly for sake of me. I can make you look taller, but if anyone touches you with more than minor stuff like a poke or punch or whatever, it will dissipate. Tell me what you want to look like."
>>
No. 427263 ID: 9b5a1a

While carefully considering your words so as not to bring up unpleasant reminders, ask why being touched would suddenly break it. The goblin illusion held up just fine and those goblins has absolutely no respect for personal space, poking and prodding at you constantly.

If it'd be something that easily dispelled though, it'd probably be more trouble than it's worth. One pushy jerk or clumsy accident and suddenly you'd look like some kind of con artist, instead of an upstanding foreigner just trying to sell some fool's gold.
>>
No. 427264 ID: b85f8c

I'm betting she can't do it the same way as last time because we're going to be gone for more than a couple hours.

Forget the illusion.
>>
No. 427280 ID: a3b384

>>427260
Lizardfolk mechant, of course.
>>
No. 427288 ID: 886a4d

Nah not worth it, the reason the last illusion worked so well was because it worked through touch as well as sight and sound.
>>
No. 427295 ID: 3eba16

"Myself, but taller."
>>
No. 427342 ID: 92b5fb
File 134097405283.png - (129.77KB , 700x700 , 97.png )
427342

Miss Drake explains that the goblin illusion had all sorts of ease and bells and whistles because a goblin is the same size. But for a lizardman, of whom I very short in comparison to, trying to add in the size is just too much.

I pass on the illusion after all, wishing the drake well! The day is getting late, but there is certainly time for this errand. And after all, I can't dawdle on my first day of the job.

The lizardmen do like their wood. They have a similar fortification on the other side in the direction of the surface, to fend off attacks from there as well.

>"No visitors!" One of the warriors on the top yells.
>>
No. 427347 ID: 886a4d

I'm not visiting, I'm here to shop. I'm here at the Lich's bequest if it makes a difference.
>>
No. 427355 ID: a3b384

>>427347
>I'm not visiting, I'm here to shop.
Yes

>I'm here at the Lich's bequest if it makes a difference.
Not a good difference! Do not say that!
>>
No. 427357 ID: e3f578

>>427355
That sounds like being a tourist.
"I'm here on business. I need supplies only available here. I'll be out of your area soon I just need those supplies."
>>
No. 427484 ID: b33427

>>427355
How about saying you're on an errand for the dragon instead.

"Not even visitors with a sack of gold, here to trade on behalf of the dragon?" Make an exaggerated shrug. "Well, guess I'll just have to tell her I was turned back. C'ya!"

If after that they're still not willing to give entrance, say you can trade without entering, you'll just read the item list off and they can bring the appropriate merchants to the wall. You'll negotiate from there.
>>
No. 427485 ID: 9b5a1a

How about just:
"I seek an audience with your most powerful wizard! I have something that might interest him!" And hold up the sack'o'fool's gold.
>>
No. 427545 ID: 44b4ea
File 134105231582.png - (74.72KB , 700x569 , 98.png )
427545

To attempt to simplify matters, I will forego mentioning anything of dragons and liches.

"I am no visitor, I am on business! Behold, a sack of reagents for sale to your greatest mages and wizards, as well as my own gold to purchase others!"

Even at this distance, I can tell their mood changes at the mention of gold! The gate opens, and I am greeted by a rather imposing figure. One with a tooth necklace, just like I wanted. The gate proceeds to close behind me by some manner of mechanisms behind the woodwork.

>"I got your first reagent. You pay the toll of everything you've got, an' you get to move along without a rearranged face."

That's not what a reagent is!
>>
No. 427546 ID: b85f8c

Say "Everything I've got? I didn't expect folks around here to be quite so forward with their advances."

Interpret everything they say as a sexual advance. Also turn on your charm. Flirt your way out of it and try to get them as flustered as possible.
>>
No. 427548 ID: 9b5a1a

You should first off immediately feel like an idiot about lying to hostile guards that you have MORE valuables to mug you for than you're actually carrying, because honestly that was just stupid.

You should then say "Fine, if you aren't interested, I'll just be on my way."

You should then run.
>>
No. 427555 ID: 9718f3

Smack him in the face with your sack of rocks. Then smack him in the face with your sack of rocks again. Repeat until he's rendered immobile, one way or another.

"Well, those were remarkably generous entry conditions, I'll just be on my way to continue my business then."
>>
No. 427556 ID: d84501

>>427555

I gotta back this guy up.

Violence is ALWAYS the answer when dealing with dickbag guards.
>>
No. 427564 ID: 2bafff

>>427546
do this because it would be hilarious
>>
No. 427570 ID: 886a4d

Do >>427546 and while hes reacting to it do this >>427555.
>>
No. 427575 ID: fa9f7e

>>427570
Hell yes

Oh, and don't mind about the other 3. I'm sure none of them have ranged weapons that would benefit from their height advantage. Feel free to take your time looting douchecanoe's corpse/unconscious body if it works.

Seriously though, it might be best to leave, get some oil, wood, and rags, and create a torch out of some oil, a big branch, and rags.

Then pour the oil all over their gate, set it ablaze, and run like fuck. Those other three will probably kill you if you start any shit right now.
>>
No. 427578 ID: 886a4d

>>427575
Thats more likely to get you killed then beating up a corrupt gaurd.

Instead after beating him up you can look at the others and say this was obviously a bandit infiltrator who wanted to make sure the lizardfolk were blacklisted by the merchants so they could rob them easier.
>>
No. 427580 ID: fa9f7e

>>427578
Not if they're all corrupt, which seems to be the situation.
>>
No. 427583 ID: 9718f3

No. No excuses, no schemes. We've been told the lizards respect strength. We're being extorted due to a perceived lack of strength. That is why we display strength, to gain respect.
>>
No. 427584 ID: fa9f7e

>>427583
Hm. Sounds good, then.
>>
No. 427587 ID: a2fa74

>>427545
Start laughing.
"I'm here on business for the dragon and the lich, and you think you scare me? Even if you managed to beat me, they'd just come here and take what they sent me to get by force. Maybe they'd even come here at the same time and fight out their conflict all over your village.
Why else would a kobold show up here with valuables?"
>>
No. 427631 ID: 3eba16

What a silly person! You had better explain to him that what he is talking about isn't a reagent at all.

Make sure to act like you don't even consider him a threat at all times.
>>
No. 427641 ID: 9b5a1a

>>427583

Wouldn't that require having strength to display?
>>
No. 427643 ID: fa9f7e

>>427641
Which he has. Look at his muscles.
>>
No. 427646 ID: 927efa

BITE HIS KNEECAPS OFF
>>
No. 427649 ID: d84501

>>427641

Have you SEEN how ripped this Kobold is?

I wouldn't put it past him to beat a lizardman to death with his hands, let alone a sack of rocks.
>>
No. 427665 ID: f7ae22

>>427546
I am pretty sure this is the only reasonable option.
>>
No. 427672 ID: b33427

>>427649
Sure, he's "ripped," but it's all for naught since he doesn't know how to fight. He's also half their height and less than half their weight. It'd be as effective as a little kid hitting them. Instead of fighting, he should do something which he is good at: evading, both verbally and physically.

Drag out the conversation as long as you can by nattering and playing dumb, while sneakily glancing around for places to climb or run to. Once the guard's patience has nearly run out, toss the sack of fool's gold into his hands, and make a break for it. The way over the top of the wall is almost certainly out, so run further into the lizardman's territory, and hope you can find another gate out before they catch up.
>>
No. 427674 ID: fa9f7e

>>427672
We're distracting him with our usual patter, then whacking him about the head with a heavy object. Where's the problem?
>>
No. 427682 ID: b33427

>>427674
The part where the guard's head is out of striking range. Best Yapper could do is throw the bag of fool's gold at his head, and that's not going to do much more than bruise the guard's muzzle. That'll work as a momentary distraction, though.
>>
No. 427683 ID: d84501

>>427682

Fool's Gold is about as heavy as Iron.

A bag, even a small bag, will seriously fuck up anything man-sized.
>>
No. 427687 ID: fa9f7e

>>427683
Fool's gold is denser than iron, if I recall correctly. It's iron sulfide, and the sulfur adds weight. So yeah, it'd fuck him up.
>>
No. 427690 ID: 9b5a1a

Throwing the bag and running would mean telling the drake you lost her entire treasure horde by being stupid. I really don't think she'd react well to that.
>>
No. 427691 ID: fa9f7e

>>427690
That's why we stay and strangle him or cause his death via other means.
>>
No. 427693 ID: d84501

>>427690

That's why we are advocating beating the ever-loving shit out of this douche instead of running away.

What purpose would it serve aside to lose the Dragon's entire hoard and have nothing to show for it?

Besides, if we brutalize this douche we can take that sweet fang-necklace from his unconscious body / lifeless corpse.
>>
No. 427694 ID: e7baef

>>427545
"You would DARE lay a hand on a draconic servant?"
>>
No. 427697 ID: fa9f7e

>>427694
That just makes us look like a blustering, officious prick. Relies on the drake's strength, not ours. She's a ways away, and we don't really have any concrete proof.
>>
No. 427719 ID: 44b4ea
File 134111553302.png - (101.92KB , 700x700 , 99.png )
427719

"Everything I've got? I didn't expect folks around here to be quite so forward with their advances."

I say it as I calmly pull out the sack of fool's gold, only to swipe it forward! The surprise attack does the trick! I hear some chortles behind me where the other guards were. Perhaps they find this funny? I can attempt to continue beating this person into submission if I so wish, but the surprise is gone, and perhaps I should use the moment to run!
>>
No. 427721 ID: 886a4d

With him gaurding his face hit him in the nuts. Then smash his head. Finally reach down and take his necklace.

Say something like "I think I'll take this. Consider it an object lesson of not judging a book by its cover. "
>>
No. 427723 ID: d84501

>>427719

Continue the smack down, fight DIRTY.

We basically have an impromptu-flail in our hands.

Don't let him recover, go for universal weak spots, gonads, the stomach, the ribs.

Break him down.
>>
No. 427724 ID: 886a4d

Hmm, don't lizards keep their danglies inside? Hit him in the stomach instead. Hopefully that will get him to lean forward enough to conintue to beam him upside the head. I hadn't realized just how tall he was compared to you. Still I think you have a good chance of crushing this guy completely.
>>
No. 427725 ID: d84501

>>427724

Size only matters if we let him recover.

We would be fucking retarded to let him recover.

He IS taller than us, if we ran away he would be able to out-run us easily, even if that hit gave him a concussion he will have for weeks.

So the only real choice is to beat his ass down now, not out-right killing him mind you, but putting him out of commission for a while.
>>
No. 427726 ID: fa9f7e

>>427725
Sounds good. I assume we're refraining from killing because of the other three guys?

Take his necklace, though. Try not to break the cord.
>>
No. 427727 ID: b33427

>>427724
Yeah, don't even know if these lizardmen have males with external gonads, or even if this one is male or female. Well, either way, he, or she, still has kidneys; Smack 'em with your improvised cudgel, along with any other soft spots.

If you get an opening to hit or kick the back of the guard's knee, take it. That'll throw him off balance, giving you a chance to jump on his back, grab the necklace and his shirt collar in your free hand, and haul them back hard. That'll dig the necklace into his throat. Then hang on for dear life, while beating him about the head and neck with your bag o' rocks.
>>
No. 427752 ID: e75a2f

Fools gold is lead, and lead is fucking heavy as hell. He might go down just from that one blow.

If he doesn't, just bludgeon him again. If you are strong enough to swing a sack filled with lead with any kind of force, you are strong enough to take this man on.
>>
No. 427796 ID: b2112e

If you run, he'll chase, and while you might outrun him, he knows where you're going.

Follow up with a good fist and/or reagent bag to the kidneys; don't give him a moment to react. If he's still up, he should be in pretty bad shape, so once more to the head. Try not to injure him too seriously; we want him beaten and knowing it, but we don't want his friends seeking vengance.
>>
No. 427798 ID: 927efa

>>427752

Fool's gold is an iron sulfide. It's not all that heavy actually.

His buddies will totally kick your ass if you actually start beating him. Use your agility to your advantage and give them the slip. This errand is nothing but a death trap.
>>
No. 427825 ID: 2ed56b

>>427798
his buddies will totally laugh it up and buy you a beer if you kick his ass.

Press the advantage. Fight dirty. You're a Kobold! It's what you do!
>>
No. 427826 ID: 44b4ea
File 134115052857.png - (131.89KB , 700x700 , 100.png )
427826

>Hit below the belt
I would never do something so underhanded! I do not know what lies beneath a male lizardfolk's undergarments regardless.

I take another swing, but this is beginning to be the story about how how my neck was grabbed! I think my sack hits his side, with less force than I would like to admit given the circumstances, and he grabs for it with his free hand. Strong as I may be, I am strong for a kobold, not a lizardman.

>"Any last words before I ram your head in a wall, shrimp?!"
>>
No. 427827 ID: 886a4d

Welp since you can't prove your strength enough to take him down its time to pull out the fact you work for someone much stronger then any lizardman... tell him who exactly needs those regeants.
>>
No. 427828 ID: a2fa74

>>427826
"Yea. Dragon's gonna burn this place to the ground if don't come back. Where d'ya think a kobold would get gold and mage crap?"
>>
No. 427829 ID: e3f578

>>427826
"This is boring. I want a good fight. Not a quick one."
>>
No. 427867 ID: 3eba16

Bite and/or claw at him furiously.

Go for the eyes with your claws if you can reach them.
>>
No. 427885 ID: 723e71

"I bet the only reason you're smashing me into a wall is because you're not strong enough to throw me over it"
>>
No. 427895 ID: 6e44d2

>>427885
looooooooool
>>
No. 427917 ID: 44b4ea
File 134117665356.png - (56.70KB , 700x700 , 101.png )
427917

>Claw at him furiously
I'm afraid that my arm span does not reach anything but the air, and clawing at his arms would likely expediate my head's meeting with the nearest solid object.

He is asking me questions even though he is choking me, but I can just make out the select words!

"I bet you're only smashing me in a wall because you're not strong enough to toss me over the wall!"

I can't hide behind dragon and lich namedropping forever!

.......
>>
No. 427918 ID: 44b4ea
File 134117668513.png - (63.17KB , 700x700 , 102.png )
427918

Jokes on him he forgot to take my gold when he tossed me! I think I will clear the wall unless I make a grab for it.
>>
No. 427922 ID: 886a4d

Grab it if you can.
>>
No. 427928 ID: cf49fc

>>427918
Man. Them lizards are STUPID. Anyway, latch onto the wall. We'll figure a plan from there.
>>
No. 427936 ID: 4705ba

thank him for the fly and say you're sorry for thinking he would be weak... while running... after you caught the wall to land on it...
Well, if you think you would survive a landing behind it without major injuries and it is the right side of the wall, try to land behind it...
>>
No. 427943 ID: b33427

Grab onto the wall. You'll figure out where to go from there, once you land.

Make a mental note to work on your dodging abilities in the future. Gotta play to your strengths, which, sad to say, is not strength.
>>
No. 427946 ID: 32f0e3

>>427918
hurl insults as you fly.
>>
No. 427947 ID: 09e5bf

Act like the lizardman has won, as to facilitate later trickery.
>>
No. 427951 ID: fa9f7e

>>427947
"Please, Br'er Fox! Not the briar patch! Anything but the briar patch!"
>>
No. 428040 ID: 34b761

>>427918
Erm, will you be hurt if you don't? I think it's time to re-think our entrance strategy.
>>
No. 428057 ID: bccf7b

>>427918

Latch on, shout "KING OF THE HIIIIIIILLLL!", then scrambled down the side when he's practically at the top to throttle you...

... and rush inside!
>>
No. 428129 ID: 44b4ea
File 134121928872.png - (123.34KB , 700x700 , 103.png )
428129

I am already on the correct side of the wall, so I make a grab to prevent going back over outside of the lizard fort.

>"Nice try, but I'm the king of the hill!"
The other guards merely watch this as though it were a play! I see the jerkbag coming up for me.

>Play to the strengths
While I may not be able to match a lizardman's strength - rather, not be able to match the strength of something twice as big as me - I can run like the wind!
>>
No. 428130 ID: 44b4ea
File 134121931947.png - (142.11KB , 700x700 , 104.png )
428130

So I do. I scramble down the wall as he's coming up, and take off. The jerk hurls vicious, if unimaginative, insults my way, but as much as he sounds as though he would like to, he doesn't leave his post. A rocky entrance, but I manage to get by without losing all of my precious cargo! Which I place snugly underneath my armor, so that the jingle and sight of coins don't attract more riffraff.
>>
No. 428131 ID: 9b5a1a

Continue to make your way away from angry guards, and try and find that there mage.
>>
No. 428191 ID: 44b4ea
File 134124758799.png - (111.65KB , 700x700 , 105.png )
428191

Moving right along, then! I must say, even when no one else is in sight, this whole area has an intimidating and unfriendly vibe! And when there are others, I often get stinkeyes from people looking my way. In fact, somehow, someway, I feel like I'm getting a stinkeye from people who aren't even around me. I do try my best to walk with a confident stride and not make myself look like some easy target, but I feel that I am more subject to an ill fate than than the Lich or Drak..on? ever invoked on me!

I will do this for them both, of course, but I don't believe that I like this place terribly much. Everyone looks like males as well! I am led to believe that the girl scene here is more of a second man scene. At least I can take mild comfort in noticing that the guards were quite large! I am still quite short, but at least I am not eye level with rather uncomfortable positions to be eye level at.

But I am not harassed any further by the time I make it to the mage shop. I do not have a good feeling about this, but it is no time to turn back!
>>
No. 428192 ID: 44b4ea
File 134124760494.png - (116.23KB , 700x700 , 106.png )
428192

It is cruder than the goblin mage shop, but there is indeed magic here. How unusual, to have all of this out in the open! Perhaps the lizardfolk are like the goblins, fully supportive of each other, but absolutely terrible to outsiders! Then again, at least the goblins don't feel like they are trying to saw your neck off with their stares.

"Hello, is anyone there?"
>"Oh, yes, I'll be right out, just a second!"

In that one sentence, a sentence with actual manners, I am relieved! Perhaps I will have a decent chat after all.
>>
No. 428193 ID: 44b4ea
File 134124761632.png - (76.97KB , 700x700 , 107.png )
428193

>"Hello! We don't get many kobolds around here. What can I do for you, cutie?"

This is

This is

The Best Errand.
>>
No. 428195 ID: 42c1c6

Time to lay on that bardly charm.
>>
No. 428199 ID: cf49fc

>>428195
Put on thy "Game Face". Request pricing on Iron Coins made by a DRAGON. Then see about bartering those worthless lumps of metal for the pointless reagents the Lich wanted.
>>
No. 428202 ID: b0ef59

Business first, get what you came for.

But use all the Bardly Charm while your at it.
>>
No. 428204 ID: e3f578

>>428193
Is she part dog kobold?
I don't think draconic bolds should have those.
Remember to smile!
>>
No. 428205 ID: f7ae22

You are obviously getting stinkeyes because you are so overdressed compared to them! You should see if you can sell your fancy magic armor and get a hooded cloak or something to make it less obvious you're a fancy shmancy kobold.

Also keep in mind this is probably a guy with an illusion spell.
>>
No. 428230 ID: bccf7b

>>428193

No time to be shy! Though, a slight stammer of infatuation may just be called for.

ACTUALLY!

Ask if she an help hide us: some guy chased us in here, and you're pretty sure he got past the guards, too. Right now, you could really use a change of clothes as well -- so you don't stand out, of course!

... We'll work on getting her a "change" of clothes in the process, eh?
>>
No. 428233 ID: 09e5bf

Do business, hit on the girl as you can, do not sell your magic armor, because that would be stupid, and a step back in your endeavors as a bard.
>>
No. 428243 ID: 44b4ea
File 134126522814.png - (54.57KB , 700x700 , 108.png )
428243

Bardly charm is now on MAX. I admit that NERVOUSNESS might also be on at MAX.

"Hello, miss! I'm in the market to trade fool's gold as a reagent for real gold!"
>"That's good! We'd love that, and judging by the weight of your sack, there, it would be worth gold in the hundreds, maybe even a thousand."
"That's.. a lot. I mean, great! I also have a list of reagent's I'd like to buy. Also, I couldn't help but feel that I had a rather bad look out there. Is there a change of clothes that I may be able to purchase?"
>"I think you look great, personally. If you insist, though, I'm sure we could find something for you. We don't stock clothes too often, and most of the ones we do are for people a bit taller, no offense! I'm sure that we have something, but it may be in the back. And same with the reagents on your list, if you would like to follow? Speaking of that, do you have a place to stay? It's getting late, and you should find a place to sleep."

My cool expression and smile is slipping through the cracks!
>>
No. 428247 ID: fa9f7e

>>428243
What's her face right now? Is she giving you bedroom eyes? If she is, FOLLOW. Even if she isn't, follow her, we need those reagents.
>>
No. 428248 ID: 3eba16

She is probably planning on mugging you in your sleep. Just play it cool though, casually mention that you think the dragon and lich that you are assisting do not seem to be the most patient of beings, then get the stuff you need and get out of there.
>>
No. 428249 ID: 886a4d

Be careful, this is happening a bit too fast for my liking. You ever here the expression to good to be true? The goblins aren't the only ones to take kobold slaves.
>>
No. 428253 ID: 9b5a1a

Abort on the clothing front. We really shouldn't be stealing from our friends to buy new clothes, particularly when we just got this nifty new magic armor from the lich. Plus it's not like it'd make us less recognizable, being a foreign kobold in a lizardfolk town. Whole thing was just an awkward attempt at flirting, and we apparently have things plenty covered on that front.

I'd suggest saying something along the lines of "You think? Well forget the clothes then! Let's just get this business out of the way, and maybe you can show me around town a bit before I leave!"
>>
No. 428254 ID: fa9f7e

>>428249
>>428248
I detect caution

This is unacceptable

Caution is evil
>>
No. 428256 ID: 1f8505

>>428243

Spew every awkward sentence you can think of.
>>
No. 428263 ID: 886a4d

>>428253
This sounds good.
>>
No. 428265 ID: 8a3061

maybe she likes you because all the lizard guys are total jerkoffs
>>
No. 428266 ID: 42c1c6

C'mon, pull yourself together. She flirts a bit and you instantly lose your cool. You can't get flustered when a lady flirts with you, you have to lay it on double thick at that point. You are a singing Lethario, start acting like it.

Keep alert though. Don't let on, but something is a little strange about how accommodating she's been. 1000 gold for some fools gold? Seems a little strange. Watch out for traps and illusion, and keep your eyes on her.
>>
No. 428279 ID: d84501

This is either a trap or we are the most charming motherfucker this side of reality.

Keep your cool man, these Lizardfolk seem like they don't care for your kind.
>>
No. 428301 ID: 44b4ea
File 134127350087.png - (91.55KB , 700x700 , 109.png )
428301

>Selling clothes
I wasn't planning on getting rid of the magic armor! Just to purchase something else as well, out of my own pocket!

>Ever hear the expression 'too good to be true'?
I hunt exceptions!

>Maybe she likes you because the lizard guys are total jerkoffs
Experience shows this to be reasonable.

There appears to be no traps or illusions. That I can see. Not like I am an expert of illusion sensing!

>"Come on in, I'm just gathering the reagents for you."

I admit this is moving fast, but whether for business or pleasure, I would not give the girl a cold shoulder!

>Keep your eyes on her
I can manage that.

>"Here, catch, it's the Lamsee Herb from your list."
>>
No. 428302 ID: 44b4ea
File 134127353445.png - (105.79KB , 700x700 , 110.png )
428302

"Pardon my ignorance, but this is more an errand! Might I ask just what this lamsee herb does?"
>"It's a highly potent magic disspeller. Even just touching it can dispel a whole myriad of things!"
>>
No. 428305 ID: 44b4ea
File 134127360406.png - (61.84KB , 700x700 , 111.png )
428305

"It potents the whatnow?"
>>
No. 428307 ID: 886a4d

Like conjured armor? Huh. Lich loves her pranks. Goddamnit she wanted this to happen. Thats what I get for wokring for a pair of pranksters.
>>
No. 428308 ID: e3f578

>>428305
"My boss is really smart at ripping on people."
>>
No. 428310 ID: 9b5a1a

"Well! Looks like I might be need some new clothes after all!" Play it off as charmingly as you can, and hope she likes what she sees, I guess.
>>
No. 428311 ID: e3f578

>>428308
Also, dude, I know this is accidental
but I think your technically pulling the Naked Man
works 2/3 times
You've used it once today as a nude hermaphrodite illusion
so you have 1 success left. If you get laid right now and pull another naked man, there's going to be consequences!
>>
No. 428312 ID: 6c61ee

"About those clothes..."
>>
No. 428313 ID: d84501

>>428305

We are so breaking the Lich's staff of light for this.

Or we get laid, if we get laid we can thank the Lich for being a douche / bitch.
>>
No. 428314 ID: fa9f7e

>>428307
This.
>>
No. 428315 ID: d7e757

"Would you believe this is the second time this week someone has tricked me into public nudity?"
>>
No. 428318 ID: 6c61ee

>>428307
>That's what I get
Unless you want to look like a god damn tool, don't say this.
>>
No. 428319 ID: f7ae22

Act like nothing is out of the ordinary at all. If your confidence is maximum you could make her think that she is just imagining you without your clothes. Don't immediately ask about the clothes again, you don't want to call attention to it! Just play it smooth.
>>
No. 428320 ID: fa9f7e

>>428319
Okay, I changed my mind. This.
>>
No. 428323 ID: 09e5bf

chalk nakedness up to the lich and her pranks. Then try capitalizing on it.
>>
No. 428325 ID: 44b4ea
File 134127522649.png - (56.46KB , 700x700 , 112.png )
428325

>Naked Man works 2 out of 3 times
>2nd time, therefore it will be the remaining success
Hm, yes, I am no mathematician, but I believe that this may be reasonable.

>Second time this week someone has tricked me into public nudity
Technically this isn't public, but if it were, then this would be the second time today!

>"Ah...?"

>Act like nothing happened
"Is something wrong? I'm in no hurry, so take your time if you need to look for those reagents!
>"I'm sorry, that was magic armor, wasn't it? You should have said something! In fact, why aren't you saying anything? Wouldn't you say it got a little drafty in here?"

I must relent that this does appear suspicious! Or rather, it is quite certain that the lich has her hand in this, but should I call her out on this, I wonder?
>>
No. 428326 ID: 886a4d

The one I'm getting reagents for conjured that armor for me... As to why I I'm not reacting I half expected something like this to happen since the last time I went out for them I was illusioned into a naked woman.

Though now that you mention it clothes WOULD be nice.
>>
No. 428327 ID: fa9f7e

>>428326
Add an implied possibility of sexual activities and we're set.
>>
No. 428328 ID: d862bb

Suggest that maybe she is the odd one out in the room and not you.
>>
No. 428329 ID: a2fa74

>>428325
"Huh. I seem to have gotten involved in a prank war.
Yes, I think I would like to buy some clothes."

If she continues to talk like you haven't said anything, point to your throat, then make a hand gesture as if you were writing.
>>
No. 428330 ID: cf49fc

>>428329
This seems sensible. Do so.
>>
No. 428334 ID: 09e5bf

>>428326
>>428328

Combine these two.
>>
No. 428336 ID: e3f578

>>428325
"I spend most of my time shirtless, and often just wear a toga or loin cloth. I guess this feels like the status quo, sans toga."
>>
No. 428352 ID: a370aa

buy something fancy with all the gold you have
>>
No. 428369 ID: e7baef

>>428325
"This isn't the first time this has happened, but at least its in fine company"
>>
No. 428370 ID: fa9f7e

>>428369
Start with this.
>>
No. 428376 ID: 44b4ea
File 134127881016.png - (71.32KB , 700x700 , 113.png )
428376

"It appears I have gotten directly dragged into a prank war! The one who I am getting reagents for is the one who conjured that armor for me. And there is little reaction to make, as I half expected this to happen, as the last time I went out, a similar thing happened! Yet I am fortunate to have it happen in such fine company. Now then, as for clothes, I would love to get a set. However, I must stress that there is absolutely no hurry whatsoever."
>"Heheheh, I get you. Who's your boss, anyway?"
>>
No. 428378 ID: cf49fc

>>428376
Admit that you work for basically everyone, having gotten caught up in the prank war between the Great Dragon and the Lich Sorceress in search of interesting stories to tell. For you are a BARD, and must seek out lovely maidens and glorious tales to tell them. Although at this point you only have hilarious stories to tell.
>>
No. 428379 ID: d7e757

>>428378
I'd like to add that you've found only one lovely maiden, then pointedly look at her.
>>
No. 428380 ID: 886a4d

Oh just a Naga Sorceress. Honestly she hasn't given me her name yet. I'm sure you've noticed but Kobolds seem to not be that respected around here. Sadly to say I'm just her latest errand kobold.
>>
No. 428381 ID: 9b5a1a

Yeah. Go ahead and tell her the whole story up to this point. At some point, you're going to need to start practicing it, and you seem to have a pretty receptive audience for a dry run!
>>
No. 428383 ID: e7baef

>>428376
"I am my own boss, for now, as no one seems to wish to 'keep' me. I have a couple of very interesting clients, though."
>>
No. 428386 ID: 72d49b

"I serve everyone and no one. But lately I'm working for the dragon and lich."
>>
No. 428392 ID: cf49fc

>>428390
I recommend we be on our way rather quickly. We're already in the presence of a spy. Banter a little more, get things done, and leave. Promptly.
>>
No. 428393 ID: 44b4ea
File 134128026951.png - (53.80KB , 700x700 , 114.png )
428393

"I seem to work for everyone of late! Namely, I've been caught between a great Lich and Dragon in search of interesting stories to tell. For I am a BARD, and must seek out lovely maidens and glorious tales to tell them. I can see that I have already found one of the former, however!"
>"Haha, okay, I have to come clean. I.. well, I don't really work for the Lich, but we have an understanding. I give her good deals and do her little favors, in return for some magic goods she doesn't want and things. Today, she wanted to make sure you weren't a complete moron that couldn't put two and two together that you were getting pranked. I'm sorry, she did put me up to it, but the offer to stay the night was my own doing. Would you like to stay? I can get our armorsmiths to replace your armor, and it'll be real this time. It's getting late, and I'm sure that the Lich doesn't mind if you don't constantly run back and forth in a huge hurry."
>>
No. 428395 ID: 9b5a1a

Take her the hell up on that. Immediately. And try to exchange some wacky lich stories too, you seem to have those in common.
>>
No. 428396 ID: 886a4d

Ask if the Lich pranks her occasionally. I'm also assuming the fools gold being worth so much was part of the prank. Perhaps instead we can ask if she would be willing to work with the Dragon for the same terms as with the Lich so we have something to bring back to her.
>>
No. 428400 ID: a3b384

>>428393
Take her up on it, of course.

>>428396
Good idea, and perhaps play up the angle that helping the dragon helps the lich from getting bored.
>>
No. 428402 ID: e3f578

>>428393
This girl is probably an illusionist too
It's too convenient for this to be a kobold here, not to mention the mammaries on a draconic breed.

Well she did touch the dispel stuff, but I dunno. If she's good enough of an illusionist, maybe she can fight the dispel effect if she's merely touching it.
>>
No. 428404 ID: fa9f7e

>>428402
This. It may just be a male trying to pull the same trick we did on the goblins.
>>
No. 428405 ID: a3b384

Oh and ask how the two of them communicated the plan before you even got there. It's not like any courier skeletons outran you. Must be some magical thingy.
>>
No. 428408 ID: 44b4ea
File 134128276771.png - (68.46KB , 700x700 , 115.png )
428408

"I may just take you up on that! Does the Lich prank you too? In fact, I'd love to hear any stories you have about her! One thing I'm wondering, is how did the lich communicate to you so quickly?"
>"No, she generally doesn't prank me. Maybe tonight I'll share all kinds of stories, if you'd like. And to answer your question, we have communication devices."
"...oh. I guess I'm just a prankee. Yes, I'd love to hear stories about her. I also wonder if you would be willing to work with the Dragon for the same terms as the Lich? I'm certain there is business there."
>"No thanks, that seems like it could be problematic. Case in point, you ended up near nude for dealing with both of them simultaneously. Speaking of clothing, the armor doesn't appear instantly like it might with magic! For the time being, the clothes that may be the best fit for you might be my bedsheets."

>This may be an illusion
I am loathe to believe this, but I cannot deny the possibility! Yet, how, dear thoughts, am I ever to prove that this is no illusion?
>>
No. 428410 ID: d862bb

>>428301
Right here, she was holding a magic dispelling herb. I assume that includes illusions?
>>
No. 428412 ID: 99090a

She touched the herb when giving it to you, yeah?

She's not an illusion.
>>
No. 428413 ID: 72d49b

>>428408
Use your dick. As everyone knows, if an illusion can fool your dick then it may as well be considered reality.
>>
No. 428414 ID: bccf7b

>>428393
Awww ...for how nice she is being, we should really, REALLY make this "worth her while", if you catch my Suggestion. Why not spend the night, get to know one another, and make yourself more than just an ally!
>>
No. 428421 ID: fa9f7e

Realized I was going to triplepost combined my posts


>>428408
Well. If we're using D&D mechanics, you could try and disbelieve it.

If not, ask about the illusion-dispelling herb, and if Potions of Remove Illusion are made from them, and suggest you'd like to purchase one just in case.

Given that Conjuration isn't Illusion, it probably isn't, so let's hope he/she is eager enough to correct you at length so you have an excuse to get your hands on one again.

And "a myriad" was never specified. Perhaps only from one "school" of magic, which happens not to include illusions. Or it only works on spells up to X level, and the illusion being used is higher level. Or she succeeded on a caster level check.


I'll admit it's unlikely, but paranoia is never bad when dealing with illusions. I'm aware of my hypocrisy; I didn't think it was as likely before as I think it is now.

Or the herb does nothing and she, the possible magic-user, was casting something like dispel.
>>
No. 428427 ID: e3f578

Whatever you do, don't get a boner yet
Or is it too late for that and she just doesn't care?

And that bedsheets line, yeah, okay, she's laying the flirting on pretty strong herself. Calling you cute straight up is one thing, but suggesting covering you in bedsheets is too much subtext.
>>
No. 428429 ID: fed066

Maybe she is the lich.
>>
No. 428430 ID: d862bb

>>428414
I agree with this flirting.
>>
No. 428431 ID: fa9f7e

>>428429
Probably.

If she is, we should bone her anyway.

Actually, I'm considering not boning her unless she is the lich.
>>
No. 428432 ID: 1e9d01

>>428408
The dragon said that the herbs were dumb and pointless. Ask her what the other stuff does; if she says they're all useful either the dragon lied or this lady is lying a lot.

Also I find it suspicious that she referred to the Lich as a 'her'. Ask what gave her the impression that the Lich is female, because so far only we have done that. Also ask if she knows what the Lich was in life.

Also the Lich knows you're a horndog so this would be something it would pull on you as a temptation. You should take this opportunity to NOT CARE AT ALL if it's a trick or not. Chase that fine piece of ass.
>>
No. 428438 ID: 1e9d01

Oh yeah and ask her if there's a way to restore forgotten memories so that you can remember them.
>>
No. 428453 ID: f7ae22

>>428408
Look Story Seeker if it turns out she is the Lich, or that she has a dick, or both, you're just going to have to deal with that. There is no turning back now. That would make a better story anyway, so it's a win-win.
>>
No. 428467 ID: 9b5a1a

>>428453

Yup! No reason for such fears to really be on your mind. This is clearly just a hot lizard gal who's totally into you, and you're just getting squirrely from the pressure. Relax.
>>
No. 428468 ID: 44b4ea
File 134129142740.png - (87.61KB , 700x700 , 116.png )
428468

>She was holding the herb
A rather boring method of proof, but it is proof enough.

>She might be the lich
Uhhh. Well, if she is, then I dare say that this changes little! But first...

"Hold on just a second! While I am perfectly willing to spend the night, I do have that business! For instance, what are the rest of these reagents for, anyway?"
>"Hm? Well, there are the dispellers, and some parts that are used in summons and illusions. Most of these herbs, stones and gems are very open ended, though. They could be for specific magic, or they could just be used as bits of raw energy."
"That so! I may want to purchase one of those herbs, or a potion of removing an illusion. And something else I was wondering, you said the lich was a 'she'. What gave you that impression?
>"I do know a thing or two about the lich! She used to be a female in life, although she doesn't talk about her mortal days much. You're starting to act like you're suspicious of me!"
"The truth is... I do not care! I am going to take that invitation to your bed, and by no means should that mean you are not free to join me!"
>>
No. 428469 ID: 44b4ea
File 134129145469.png - (80.92KB , 700x700 , 117.png )
428469

So as it turns out, if any part of her was an illusion, it fooled all of my senses!

The night passes, and I mostly completely forgot to ask more about the Lich. Which is good, as that would be impolite to attend to one lady while asking her to talk about another! Unless this lady is that lady. In which case, I do not know where morality stands on such an issue. Probably poorly, Lich and all, but I care little about that!
>>
No. 428470 ID: 44b4ea
File 134129150799.png - (65.37KB , 700x700 , 118.png )
428470

The morning comes all too soon, and she's still in bed. A soft poke reveals that she is already awake.

>"Good morning! You said you wanted to be a bard, right?"
"Mmmhmm."
>"I've always wanted to be a powerful mage, and live for a very long time. And when many decades would pass, I would look back and just think of where it brought me."

Something smells like --
>>
No. 428471 ID: 44b4ea
File 134129152302.png - (70.40KB , 700x700 , 119.png )
428471

Oh. Oh.

I know I had my suspicions. I know I shouldn't be this surprised.

But this is not a sight I am going to forget very soon.

"And it would turn out it brought me next to a canoodling kobold, who wanted to learn so much about what kind of 'critter' I used to be, while perhaps not thinking that maybe liches might modify their bodies more on bone and corpse strength rather than looks."
>>
No. 428472 ID: 09e5bf

This is clearly the best possible outcome.
>>
No. 428473 ID: 299ed3

Ask if there will be a round two.
>>
No. 428474 ID: d84501

>>428471

Best possible outcome.

Congratulations Story Seeker, you just boned an Immortal Dead Sorceress.
>>
No. 428475 ID: d84501

>>428473

Gotta go with this.

It's has just the right amount of quirk to get us out of this somewhat awkward situation without losing any points.

It also tests Story Seeker's stamina very well.
>>
No. 428476 ID: e75a2f

Well, if that was what she looked like in her prime, you now know that she is indeed not fat.

Congratulations. You may or may not wish to convey this information to her.

Also realize you just partook in necrophilia.
>>
No. 428478 ID: bbee3d

Compliment her corpse strength too. It sounds like it was quite impressive.
>>
No. 428479 ID: f7ae22

For a canoodling kobold you are not sufficiently canoodling. Cuddle up closer to her and turn your bardly snuggles to the maximum, and tell her you were hoping it was her.
>>
No. 428480 ID: e3f578

>>428471
This woman is by far the most devious prankster in this entire world.
Of course it had to be a lich.
Glad to see that those with enormous power still have time to enjoy the little things in life.
>>
No. 428481 ID: e75a2f

Also whoever was using DnD logic, now you know why she did not change when she touched the herb.

Alter Self and Polymorph are Transmutations. Guess what Transmuters can do to fools gold.
>>
No. 428482 ID: f7ae22

>>428481
Or the herb actually does nothing and the lich just dispelled the armor herself.
>>
No. 428483 ID: d84501

>>428482

So does that mean that the Naked Man second success doesn't really count and we get that back?

Cool beans.
>>
No. 428484 ID: 886a4d

I freely admit I was slightly suspicious that you were the Lich so .... ready for round two?
>>
No. 428485 ID: b33427

>>428475
May as well go all in; You're neck deep already. Grin, and say you'd rather enjoy another go round on her "nostalgia trip." Now if only you had enough charm, charisma, and wits to convince her to take a roll or two of breath mints, chased with a bottle of mouthwash. ...Oh, and try not to think about STDs, and what necromancy might mutate them into, 'K.
>>
No. 428486 ID: 44b4ea
File 134129416935.png - (76.78KB , 700x700 , 120.png )
428486

>Realize you partook in necrophilia
In dealing with a lich, there are far worse fates! That did not feel like a stiff, regardless, so it is a mere technicality.

"So, uh.... round 2?"
>"Haha! Sure. Eventually I should let the actual owner of the shop have his place back and wipe his memory."
"Er, right. And, you know, I had my suspicions it was you! Even hoped it was you, if I might say!"
>"I know. I was surprised about that, when I read your memory."
".. not that I mind, but I thought you needed permission?"
>"Yes, and you gave it. It was permission, not permission within the last frame of time."

She puts her, uh... face back on. While I would not have complained regardless, this is still appreciated!

"But first, I've went ahead and put the gold from your payment and fake gold sale in your sack. Altogether, it's 1800 gold. All yours. Well, I suppose a thousand of it goes to the drake. Any questions?"
>>
No. 428488 ID: e3f578

I wonder how much she'll want you keeping this a secret, or if she's wants to have the tale amended.
Surely you're no kiss and tell, but you are a bard after all

You'll never be able to keep a secret from her now though, even without her lie stick.
>>
No. 428489 ID: e3f578

>>428486
Oh wait, preferences in bed for an actual question to ask. Unless you actually asked them already, like a good gentleman should have.
Favorite position, foreplay, etc.
>>
No. 428490 ID: 42c1c6

Well, I gotta say, you aren't doing bad for yourself. Getting lucky left and right, some crazy stories to tell, real armor, real money, and friends with a drake and a lich lover. As kobolds go you are suddenly pretty influential.

Don't let me distract you from your fun. Enjoy it.
>>
No. 428491 ID: a6ab09

did we ever get her name? Seems kind of rude to lay with a woman and not even get her name if you ask me, unless having it would give power over her...
>>
No. 428495 ID: b2112e

>>428491
Not to mention that getting it from her gives you a bit more strength in the relationship.

Whatever happens, be sure to give her a kiss before she gets up!
>>
No. 428500 ID: 1e9d01

>>428486
This story is ABSOLUTELY CRAZY now. Nobody will believe this. Nobody.

Ask if this means you are hers now. Can you still bed other women without getting your face melted? You are a bard, after all; this is an important question.
>>
No. 428502 ID: b33427

>>428491
Yes, it wouldn't be polite to do so again without knowing a name, if not her real one.

Yapper, considering your implied sexual prowess, is it true to say you didn't start this journey as a virgin? I'm just wondering who from your village would have taken you to bed, considering they all think you're near scum.
>>
No. 428512 ID: c6ec33

Welp. She can at least shift back and forth between her living and dead self. Ask what *other* magic tricks she knows.

In bed.
>>
No. 428519 ID: a3b384

"Will this complicate our working relationship?"
>>
No. 428536 ID: 9b5a1a

What's your real name for one. Another rather important question is "What now?" in regards to... quite a number of situations really.

And are you now officially choosing the lich over the drake? Seems you kinda had a thing going with her, and kind-hearted prank war aside, I doubt they'd be willing to share.
>>
No. 428563 ID: cf49fc

>>428519
>>428512
>>428495
>>428491
Do all of these.
>>
No. 428564 ID: cf49fc

>>428519
>>428512
>>428495
>>428491
Do all of these.
>>
No. 428580 ID: 1e9d01

>>428500
Oh yeah also, better make sure you can't get her pregnant, silly as that sounds. I mean, I don't know how polymorph works with pregnancy issues. Or maybe you used protection?
>>
No. 428583 ID: bccf7b

>>428486

"... You are WAY more fun to work with! Forget the drake, I'll work for you exclusively. Besides, if your upcoming prank is going where I think it's going, this will be too much fun to have to play both sides!"

You know, because the Lich really does seem like the nicer of the two, deep down. Also because even if it was just to prank you in the morning, most girls -- no matter HOW powerful or immortal -- don't just offer up their bed like that!
>>
No. 428589 ID: 44b4ea
File 134133031222.png - (48.22KB , 700x700 , 121.png )
428589

>Have you chosen the Lich over the Drake
I don't know! The Drake can seem outwardly crass, but I would not abandon any hope that she is worth seeing what lies underneath. In any case, I am visiting her again regardless!

"So, uh, what's your name? If you don't mind saying, of course."
>"Zirkala."
"It's a nice one."
>"You're a bundle of compliments."
"By the way, I'm no kiss-and-tell, but might it be bad if I share this tale? I have suspect that no one would believe it, anyway!"
>"You're right, no one would. If you do, do me a favor and swap out names, places, even species and so forth just in case some bumbling fool actually is correct for some terrible reason."
"Consider it done! Also, I must ask a potentially awkward question!"
>"You are getting more comfortable around me than I might like, Story Seeker."
"Ah, well, I am wondering if you would believe that this means that you own me, in a sense of, am I allowed to lay wit -"
>"What am I, your girlfriend? This is a romp in a haysack, not marriage. I'm not going to be your clingy girlfriend, go do whatever out there."
"Last question! I notice you can shift back and forth between your living and undead forms. What other tricks do you know?" I am sure to make a movement down below to accentuate what I mean by this.
>"This form isn't living, it's a recreation. Secondly, my tricks are best done by demonstration."
>>
No. 428590 ID: 44b4ea
File 134133032012.png - (84.88KB , 700x700 , 122.png )
428590

Some time later...
Well that sure was a demonstration.

>Did you start this as a virgin?
Certainly not! While the other kobolds may not like me greatly, that fact does not stand in the way all the time!

>Make sure to kiss her before she gets up.
Consider it done and then some.

>"It's time for us to get out of here. I've set your payment down. 800 gold for the pile of fake gold, I'm presuming that's going to the Drake. And for your services rendered, you may have another 800 gold for yourself. I'll also throw in the armor, non-magic this time, and have it delivered to you when you are ready. Until then, you look fine in bedsheets."

Which begs the question, what shall I spend my own gold on? There is little I need it for aside from luxuries, which do make me stand out more, and I would no object to giving some or all to the drake to further bolster her hoard.
>>
No. 428595 ID: 886a4d

Buy some clothes, give the rest to the drake.
>>
No. 428597 ID: 7c31d2

Get a musical instrument of some kind, bards are supposed to be able to play music!
If possible, get it enchanted to it'll teleport to you if you lose it.
>>
No. 428601 ID: d84501

>>428590

First off, buy some nice gifts for everyone involved.

Then I'm in conflict if we should go repay the Goblin village, as I'm pretty damn sure that at least 7 female gobbos saw your masculine Kobold glory, and while we have cash it might be a good idea to make sure we don't get fucked over in the future.
>>
No. 428603 ID: c6ec33

Point out that she probably *didn't* need to bring you all the way here in order to seduce you. Although it *was* pretty kinky, and waking up next to her wearing her skull-head was an experience you'll probably never forget... Ahem. Kiss her, thank her for an amazing time, and politely offer that any time she wants a little more of your companionship, consider it done. And that extends beyond sex of course - she must not get many visitors, and the company of a bard isn't the worst possible company she could have...

Now, see if Zirkala can suggest any magic items that might be useful to you. She's almost undoubtedly the best person to give such assessments. The items that might be best would be those that would keep us out of trouble. Things that might lighten your load (so you can run faster), things that might just make you run faster directly, things that might make you more stealthy, etc. Maybe things that might make you have more charisma or be more convincing, but I have a feeling it's better for you to level-up your bardly charms without magic. Maybe something that enhances memory? It would be useful for storytelling, and if it worked while drunk, all the better...

Also, although you may not really be the magey type, ask if there's any, uh, special tricks that she could teach *you* how to do in bed...

Out of curiosity, ask her why you didn't see any lizardfolk women here. Do they stay inside the huts all day? And maybe get some tips on how to get the lizardmen to NOT kill you and/or rob you for your stuff, as almost happened at the front gate. In fact, you're a bard, why don't you tell her that story before you have to go past him? :)
>>
No. 428604 ID: 9718f3

It miiight be a good idea to go pay for that scroll. Maybe. Since (at least some of) the goblins know what you look like as a kobold. And it would be useful to possibly be able to interact with them in the future, without having to worry (more than usual) about being enslaved or killed.
>>
No. 428605 ID: bdb3f8

You need a fine hat. It is somewhat traditional for proper Don Juan bards.
>>
No. 428617 ID: a2fa74

>>428590
Pay somebody to teach you the cantrip Summon Instrument.
Also, prestidigitation so you can always have things like flowers ready.
>>
No. 428620 ID: 42c1c6

Well, you've got cash.

My suggestion, buy a lute, and find someone who'll teach you to play it (and maybe a few songs). You've got some good stories, now it's time to expand into the more traditional bardly fare.

Also, you need a hat. A broad one with a feather in it.
>>
No. 428635 ID: 44b4ea
File 134134576018.png - (60.07KB , 700x700 , 123.png )
428635

>Pay for the goblin scroll
I most certainly will!

"While I'm flattered that you would consider me easy on the eyes in a bedsheet, I feel that I must purchase better! For instance, a hat, possibly with a feather, would be nice, as with a lute."
>"Where are we, young kobold? A human city? We are in the lizardman fort, you will find sufficient armor, weapons and survival tools, and little more."
"Oh, well then, maybe.. not. Also, I have been thinking I would like to learn a little magic! Maybe summon an instrument, a little prestidi... prestitidita... tion, and such!"
>"When I said it took months to learn how to form the tiniest candleflame around your finger, I was not exaggerating. At least, not for people who have no innate magic ability, such as yourself. You are ill suited, even if your intelligence doesn't provide a barrier. You want clothes like that, go to a human town. You want magic like that, I don't know what to tell you. If you just want potions or magic stuff, I'll sell you stuff I don't need. Later. Don't you have better things to do right now?"
>>
No. 428641 ID: a3b384

"Of course, but I thought we didn't have time for a third go."

As grand as your aspirations may be, you still know precious little about the world. But you are the Story Seeker, so ask her where you would go to seek new stories. And then equip yourself towards that end. You may need to get a mount of some kind. And learn to ride, if you haven't yet. The drake can keep the change.
>>
No. 428649 ID: 299ed3

>>428641
That's getting kind of clingy

"If you ever want another round, I'll always be up for it."
>>
No. 428650 ID: b0ef59

To the Drake!

also >>428649
>>
No. 428651 ID: 09e5bf

Just buy normal clothing. Then ask about getting the armor she was talking about. Depending on how long that'll take, Story Seeker can get the money back to the drake.
>>
No. 428652 ID: bdb3f8

aww, he was upgraded to Story Seeker there briefly. Too much faffing about though, back to Yapper. Better get a move on.
>>
No. 428656 ID: 6e44d2

>>428649
Even that's unnecessary.

"Yep! Later!"

Then you leave.
>>
No. 428664 ID: d84501

>>428635

"Yeah, I better get on that, but if you ever need something a lowly Kobold such as myself can do, please, don't hesitate to ask!"
>>
No. 428675 ID: b56d6e

No need to get affectionate. She doesn't seem to be in the mood anymore. Just give her a "Farewell Zirkala." or something like that when you leave.

Ask how much a potion or item of invisibility would set you back. That kind of thing is just pure story material. Also consider buying some better traveling gear. Going to a human city for some nice clothes might be a good idea after you've seen the Drake.
>>
No. 428679 ID: 2ce513

>>428635
I still feel the lich is our best bet. She showed herself willingly, unlike the drayk that sent us on several suicide missions.

In the long run, you can weigh it as "cute kobold girl as the occasional fling" or "pissy mini-dragon"
>>
No. 428691 ID: 44b4ea
File 134135201869.png - (60.01KB , 700x700 , 124.png )
428691

"But something has been on my mind! Where have all the females been?"
>"They're more nomadic. They tend to be the ones that go out hunting, while the men defend and do the closer to home battles. And no, I do not recommend them, for what good that will do. They are as cruel as the men."
"Then I will no longer bug you, but I will be available! Farewell!"

And with that, I head off to the drake. I hear a thump when she opens the closet door while I open the front door. The less I know, the better!

>Ask about how much a potion or item of invisibility
I feel that I may have overstayed my welcome, but I will attempt to ask this at some point in the future!

>Ask about where one would go for stories
I will also ask of this in the near future, perhaps after I give the drake a visit.
>>
No. 428692 ID: 44b4ea
File 134135202726.png - (87.34KB , 700x700 , 125.png )
428692

And to the drake!

"Good morning, Lady Dragon!"
>"You're back. I hope for more than just an illusion, considering that you've been gone all night. Why are... did you just go and sleep with more goblins or something?"
>>
No. 428694 ID: c891d3

>>428692
"Lizardfolk this time actually."

Give her the gold. That might raise her spirits a bit, eh?
>>
No. 428695 ID: 299ed3

I suppose you could say I boned someone.
>>
No. 428699 ID: bdb3f8

>>428692
"No. If you will recall, I was asking about lizardfolk illusions." And just leave it at that.
>>
No. 428700 ID: b0ef59

>>428695
>>
No. 428701 ID: 09e5bf

Simply say no, and give the drake her money.
>>
No. 428702 ID: 44b4ea
File 134135290844.png - (81.99KB , 700x700 , 126.png )
428702

"You could say that I boned a lizardgirl this time!"
>"Don't - don't actually say it, kobold, I don't want to hear about your bed life! I can smell the lizard and the goblins and the fish! Take a bath!"

I will save enough to pay for the goblin's scroll, and perhaps a spare set of clothes, plus enough for a good hat and instrument that I am sorely lacking in! But for the rest, I give it all to the drake.

It goes over quite well! Especially considering that perhaps I do need to bathe. In fact, I haven't eaten since leaving the fishing pond! I've been subsisting on goblin booze, which may explain a great deal.
>>
No. 428704 ID: 14a1d0

>>428702
Bathe together
>>
No. 428708 ID: c891d3

>>428704
Hahahaha.

... Yes.
>>
No. 428709 ID: d7e757

>>428704
Yes.
>>
No. 428710 ID: 886a4d

Perhaps you should save a gold piece for some food then, unless you feel like more fishing.
>>
No. 428716 ID: 44b4ea
File 134135452231.png - (57.53KB , 700x700 , 127.png )
428716

"But you are correct, miss Dragon! I am in requirement of a bath. Perhaps you would care to join me?"
>"... are you saying I need a bath, too?"
"Assuredly not! It is merely company while I clean myself off."

.....

>"Why not."

And so we end up in the very pond that I fish in! It does have a gentle current to it, so it is quite clean.

>"Thanks. I don't say thanks to many people, so appreciate it."
"Believe me, I do!"
>>
No. 428718 ID: 44b4ea
File 134135474926.png - (76.88KB , 700x700 , 128.png )
428718

It looks like I won't go hungry, either.

>"I have to go now. The dragon illusion is only so convincing for so long if I leave it alone for too long. I want to enjoy my gold, too."

Perhaps then, I should head towards the Lich to wrap up any loose ends?
>>
No. 428719 ID: 590c90

What loose ends? You don't want to annoy her by being too eager and she already mentioned that you where getting a bit too comfortable around her.
>>
No. 428720 ID: 886a4d

At the very least you can pick up that armor, however you shouldn't bother her with too many questions. Perhaps a good idea would be to ask her if theres a nearby human city that won't kill you on sight since you are in need of a hat and an instrument.
>>
No. 428721 ID: d84501

>>428718

Probably best to go pick pay for that scroll now.

Claim that you knew the dragon DID send you, but you figured she wouldn't pay anyway so you took it from your own funds.

So, y'know, tell the truth about the payment.
>>
No. 428722 ID: 299ed3

>>428721
We would probably need the goblin illusion for that.
>>
No. 428723 ID: b0ef59

Yeah drop by and pick up the armor but be quick.
>>
No. 428725 ID: d84501

>>428722

Well, we are right next to the dragon, if she asks why, claim that it's because we don't want our throat slit in the middle of the night.

So again, tell the truth.
>>
No. 428729 ID: 44b4ea
File 134135588421.png - (81.25KB , 700x700 , 129.png )
428729

>What loose ends?
Well, uh... I did have a couple more questions. And I can pick up the armor too, as to not bug her about it!

So I head off. After catching one more fish and wishing miss Dragon farewell.

"Hello, Zirkala! I hope I am not intruding!"
>"If you intrude, my guardsmen would have stopped you."Would you like to go for round 3?"
"Ah..."
>"No, no, I was kidding. I should have thought you would seriously consider that. What have you come for?"
"I figured I would spare you having to find me, since you're kind enough to give me that armor. I was also wondering if you happened to have magic items or potions that I could buy, should I have the money?"
>"Did you spend it all already? The answer is yes, regardless. I will let you browse what could be called my magic junk that lies in an uncomfortable state between being just valuable enough to keep and worthless enough to perpetually ignore."
"I am glad to hear it! And lastly, I am wondering, I have interest in leaving these caves and visiting the world. Do you know of any places that would be good to visit?"

>"Many. In fact, I am glad you stopped by. As you have likely figured, I do not actually need errands to be done so close to my territory. However, there are farther off caverns and above ground territories that I may have to pay mind to, and that lizardfolk territory was simply to see how well you handled yourself. I am pleased that you were not so foolish that you couldn't have seen it to be a prank when your armor was dispelled, but I am not so pleased to know how easy you are to get in the sack. Really, the only way I could have been more forward was to simply greet you with 'Hi, let's have sex.' This will be problematic.
>However! I was impressed that you were even suspecting that the lizard was me, and even more when you knew and did not care. Therefore, although risky, I will entrust you with legitimate errands. You will get your stories, and I will fund your journeys, and you will do various tasks, some easier than others. Furthermore, as I do not want to invest in you simply to have an embarrassingly pathetic fate, I have just finished smoothing things over with the goblins. The magic shop owner will accept your payment without attempting to punish you for the ill placed debt. So for today, rest. Do whatever it is you do. I will call on you later."
>>
No. 428731 ID: d84501

>>428729

I like her.
>>
No. 428736 ID: cf49fc

>>428731
As do I. Rarely do we get evil overlords who are so forward, honest, and willing to literally screw us instead of figuratively.
>>
No. 428745 ID: 85bd72

She is the best Lich.
>>
No. 428770 ID: bccf7b

>>428729
Ha ha! Awesome! Guess it's time to ask about what needs doing. Besides, perhaps we can get payment in the form of "magical junk" that can be bartered elsewhere...

amongst other things! Why yes, I DO plan to push this relationship! TG dating is go~
>>
No. 428794 ID: b2112e

>>428770
She will call on us later. Let's not be thick.
>>
No. 428806 ID: 9b5a1a

Right then! The first thing we really need to do is go pay for that scroll. Now, everyone seemed to buy the cursed to turn into a kobold story who heard it, and more importantly, the shopkeeper didn't hear it. So... looks like we're going to have to go back to the drake and get that same disguise back, otherwise we're going to get hauled off as a slave or something.


After that though, how about some variety? Suit up with that fancy new armor, take what cash is left over, and go venturing out to the surface world and have some new adventures!
>>
No. 428810 ID: d84501

>>428806

Man, we had sex with, judging by the picture, SIX goblins.

I would think, them being gobbos, that stuff would get around rather quickly.
>>
No. 428811 ID: 886a4d

Threads ended folks.
>>
No. 428921 ID: c6ec33

>>428729
Out of curiosity, what did she tell the goblins? :V
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