Travel away from the entrance from the underground, and search for shelter. You don't know how long it will be until the day star rises and blinds you.

Seek the shelter of a surface cave; perhaps one high in the mountains, where the matrons can't find you. We'll need a place to call home during the day.

Find out where's the nearest place to buy rakija. Head there immediately.
Tell us more about the underground. If you will be hunted, try to put as much distance between you and the opening as you can.

Reflect on your marketable skills such as poison use and spider grooming.

Well, first off, find some edible animals/plants and a decent water supply.

Once you've got that all taken care of? Well, then it's time to start looking for love.

Steal the Declaration of Independence.

Find surface diaspora so you have people to wear tracksuits with you and argue with while getting drunk.

Apollo 2015/10/19(Mon)16:04 No. 678027 ID: defceb
File 144529588043.png - (212.62KB , 732x766 , e02.png )

>You don't know how long it will be until the day star rises and blinds you.
What kind of terrible beast goes around blinding people? Perhaps the surface isn’t much better if there is a ‘day star’ waiting to stab me in the eyes.

>Reflect on your marketable skills such as poison use and spider grooming.
I was quite good at cooking and cleaning! All males are well trained in spider grooming as well. The matrons said I would make exemplary house husband. I did not consider flattering, since house husbands tends to live short lives then get buried under house. I’m not particularly smart, or capable in combat.

>Find out where's the nearest place to buy rakija. Head there immediately
I like this plan. Is good plan.

>Seek the shelter of a surface cave; perhaps one high in the mountains, where the matrons can't find you.
>Well, first off, find some edible animals/plants and a decent water supply.
I find a nearby stream for water and follow it up to the mountains. There I find a fortress carved into mountain. I am unfamiliar with it’s make. Perhaps friendly?

>then it's time to start looking for love
I’m unfamiliar with that term.

>>678027
Go and knock politely.

by warry, while i doubt men have as bad a reputation i bet the women have caused your kind to have a bad reputation with others. think about how a matron would act to another race. assume everyone will think you will act like that.

I don't think you can survive here without help. Sit by the road and wait for a surface matron to come by and offer yourself as a slave to her. They must hold much power in the surface world and probably have less spiders to take care of.

This door looks like the work of DORFS. DORFS will sometimes deal with outsiders but if you anger them they drown you in MAGMA.
Knock on the door and say you are a cook looking for work.

>I’m unfamiliar with that term.
Love: enjoying the company of non-matron surface females who choose not to harm you.

>I was quite good at cooking and cleaning!
Those are useful skills! People need to eat, and they need someone to clean up their messes. Perhaps you can earn a living in some settlement with a better life expectancy than a house husband.

>There I find a fortress carved into mountain. I am unfamiliar with it’s make. Perhaps friendly?
Approach openly, on the path, so any guards aren't surprised and see you as a traveler, not a sneaky enemy.

Love: Sustained lust towards a long-term friend

This appears to be a DORF FORT. Knock, and tread carefully.

>>678027
>daystar
It's less of a beast and more of an environmental hazard. See all those glowy spots on the ceiling? Those are stars. They're very hot and very far away. About twelve hours out of every 24, one of them gets so close that... well, have you ever seen a fire hot enough that it turns blue? Picture that spread across the entire ceiling. When it happens, don't panic. It's not all that dangerous so long as you keep most of your skin covered and don't stare directly at the brightest spot. As with any uncontrolled fire, what kills more people is not direct burns, but rather secondary effects: cubic miles of water boil away, recondense and fall back to earth as pellets of ice, hot and cold air mix and churn around sometimes at hundreds of miles per hour, the churning produces electrostatic effects which can discharge as bolts of lightning, which sometimes ignite forest fires... that kind of thing. Collectively such phenomena are called "weather." Most of the time it's relatively pleasant, and you can usually figure out when an exception is coming up by watching how the locals respond. 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.' If everybody else is running for cover, don't just stand around gawking.

>>678042
>non-matron surface females
Possibly also males! Beyond lust or simple companionship, there is a protective feeling involved, and... well, love is complicated. Most likely no two people would explain it the same way. It's easier to understand once you've had some extended practical examples. Any time you notice someone behaving strangely around allies, children, previous or potential mates, etc., just pay close attention and keep an open mind. You'll figure it out eventually.

>Approach openly, on the path, so any guards aren't surprised and see you as a traveler, not a sneaky enemy.
As an additional measure to make it absolutely clear that you are not attempting to be sneaky, consider singing a cheerful song as you walk.

Apollo 2015/10/19(Mon)21:42 No. 678118 ID: defceb
File 144531613626.png - (70.10KB , 529x589 , e03.png )

>day star
Sounds horrible, I hope not to meet it.

>Love: enjoying the company of non-matron surface females who choose not to harm you.
>non-matron surface females
>choose not to harm you
>enjoying the company
>Possibly also males!
I don’t understand.

Apollo 2015/10/19(Mon)21:42 No. 678119 ID: defceb
File 144531616570.png - (69.84KB , 670x466 , e04.png )

I approach the uh…

>DORFs
>DORF FORT

...dort fort? and give firm knock. A small metal flap opens nearby. “Hello?” I say in most polite of drow tongue. “I am cook. Seeking work.” They belch loudly in response. Is... that the normal reply?

Ummmmmm, show coin?

if asked about stance on trees say you don't care for them.

>My name is Go’ran Nikolic
Ask if this fort is called Liberty City

"im taking that as a yes?"

>>678119
Name meals you can prepare which go well with alcohol and which alcohols they go well with.

>They belch loudly in response. Is... that the normal reply?
Yes, dorfs revel in base physicality. They show respect differently than the formal etiquette of your home.

Also, they use alcohol in nearly all of their rites and cultural rituals.

>Is... that the normal reply?
It would not be an unusual reply for a dorf, but it is possible they did not understand you. Do you know any other languages in which you can repeat yourself to make sure?

>I don’t understand.
You have liked things before, right? Love is similar to liking a person, but more so.

>I don’t understand.
There were times things weren't hurting you, right? Imagine that but more of it. A wondrous pattern instead of a happy accident.

Swallow some air, reciprocate with a belch of your own. Say again that you are a cook, you make meat and plants and things into food. You can pull your weight, you just want a place to stay. Say that if they need no cook nor maid nor laborer you can pay in coin. Ask how long it is until dawn.

>>678118
>Sounds horrible, I hope not to meet it.
You won't. It's closer than other stars but still extremely far away. Hold out your hand at arm's length, and touch thumb to forefinger; if the daystar ever approaches close enough that it appears larger than the inside of the circle made thus, that would be an unambiguous sign - would actually in itself be sufficient cause - of the imminent end of the entire world. No, you will not meet the daystar. You will, however, most likely see it up there at some point. Simply avert your eyes and go about your business.

Apollo 2015/10/20(Tue)19:15 No. 678422 ID: defceb
File 144539375541.png - (54.13KB , 1000x410 , e05.png )

>Ask if this fort is called Liberty City
Hm, I do feel an urge to go bowling.

>more day star
A monster that lives extremely far away but can stab my eyes from such distance and would destroy the world if it got closer? That sounds truly abominable perhaps some adventurers will set out to slay it. Truly their heroism would be well rewarded, no?

>Yes, dorfs revel in base physicality. They show respect differently than the formal etiquette of >your home.
Also, they use alcohol in nearly all of their rites and cultural rituals.
>reciprocate with a belch of your own.
I give a belch in reply and list the various meals I can cook to eat with alcohol. Dorfs on the other side mumble to each other. Surface manners are strange.

>Ummmmmm, show coin?’
I slip coin into hatch. A nearby door opens up. Must be fine craftsmanship. Did not even see when closed.

Apollo 2015/10/20(Tue)19:16 No. 678423 ID: defceb
File 144539377157.png - (174.39KB , 974x521 , e06.png )

I walk into the dorf fort. Those are dorfs? They look like dwarves, but I was told dwarves eat stone and wear drow skull. They are very short though. Why would short people make such tall building?

“Ahem” one of them speaks up. They are wearing fancier armor and have a smoother face- AH! Surface matron! I am not bowing in respect. Maybe if I beg forgiveness they won’t flog me?

No. In dorf culture, you are supposed to mock dorfs without beard. This will earn you, how you say, 'respect' with other dorfs.

>>678423
Yeah, grovel on the ground and beg forgiveness, and all that.

>>678423
Beg for forgiveness and begin the kissing of the boots! Perhaps if you place your head beneath the sole of the matron's boot before the matron gets mad she may crush your head slightly less!

>I was told dwarves eat stone and wear drow skull
Stones taste bad and skull helms don't fit well. And drow skulls don't have any cool horns or anything!

>I am not bowing in respect. Maybe if I beg forgiveness they won’t flog me?
Yes, throw yourself down and ask their forgiveness, see if they beat you.

Prostrate yourself with much force to hopefully reduce your punishment for disrespecting the surface matron.

Groveling probably wouldn't hurt. If they ask if you are on the run assure them you are not valuable enough for anyone to come after you.

>That sounds truly abominable perhaps some adventurers will set out to slay it. Truly their heroism would be well rewarded, no?
Ah, but therein lies the most fiendish trick of the day star: if it were to die, its death throes would burn the world to ash in moments.

>They look like dwarves, but I was told dwarves eat stone and wear drow skull.
Well obviously that is why they are dorfs and not dwarves.

>supposed to mock dorfs without beard.
The matter of dorf matron beards is the cause of more than one civil war. Do not mention it.

Apollo 2015/10/20(Tue)23:14 No. 678470 ID: defceb
File 144540809767.png - (99.96KB , 712x501 , e07.png )

>Ah, but therein lies the most fiendish trick of the day star: if it were to die, its death throes would burn the world to ash in moments
How terrible! I’ve heard of no more vile beast.

>In dorf culture, you are supposed to mock dorfs without beard.
>This will earn you, how you say, 'respect' with other dorfs.
Respect is good! I will try to be tough, like dorf. “I was told dorf matrons are supposed to have beards.”

Apollo 2015/10/20(Tue)23:15 No. 678471 ID: defceb
File 144540811073.png - (129.94KB , 683x637 , e08.png )

PAIN

“I was told drow males were supposed to have dicks. I guess we’re both wrong.”

Apollo 2015/10/20(Tue)23:16 No. 678472 ID: defceb
File 144540816884.png - (126.34KB , 705x450 , e09.png )

By the time the pain subsides, I’ve already been lead to her office. She is sitting behind desk reviewing papers. “So you are…?

“I am Go’ran Nikolic, I’ve come seeking new life!”I say between pained gasps. Dorf punch very strong. Still can’t feel legs. “I am capable cook and cleaner. I pull own weight, just want a place to live and work.”

“...right. Well, I’m going to be honest with you here. People don’t generally like your kind above ground. But I can at least respect someone with the balls to talk beards to my face, so I’ll give you a shot. We’ve got two openings I think you could fill.”

“Option A: there’s an old tavern at the heart of town run by a lady named Sprocket Fizzboom. She’s an innkeep by day and alchemist by night type of gal, and needs another hand to help her out ever since her last assistant got killed in a bar brawl. Option B, there's a wizard who needs a new assistant again. Don’t ask what happened to the last one, trust me. On the bright side, you’d be working for a wizard. On the down side, you’d be working for a wizard. So, what’ll it be?”

A A A A,
a wizard that loses one assistant in a way that can't be talked about, will eventually lose several, you don't want to be one of them.

at least this 'brawl' is a thing you can handle.

Option A please.

>>678472
Uh, Didn't know dorfs learn magic?

Wizard has already gone through more than one assistant. Let's not be another loss.

Wizard. Where's your sense of adventure?

Fizzboom? Sounds Svirfneblin-ish. Maybe you could bond over talks about cave country.

You certainly know what an alchemist is, but are you certain what an inn is?

Apollo 2015/10/21(Wed)01:35 No. 678494 ID: defceb
File 144541651593.png - (239.90KB , 1000x680 , e10.png )

>You certainly know what an alchemist is, but are you certain what an inn is?
I think I read about them in a book once. They’re places adventurers go for quests, drinks, and woman. Don’t tell matron I read those books. They were ‘trashy romance’, and therefore forbidden. But I read them anyway, sshhh

“I thought dorfs not learn magic.”

“I have no idea what that wizard actually is, but they’re certainly not a ‘dorf’.”

“I’ll choose inn. Wizard sounds scary.”

“Alright, follow me.”

Apollo 2015/10/21(Wed)01:36 No. 678495 ID: defceb
File 144541656197.png - (22.61KB , 267x493 , E11.png )

“...and here is the inn.”

“I work here?”

“If the owner decides to let you. They may come off as… eccentric.” They knock on the door and shortly after someone cracks open the door. They’re short, too. Why is everyone here so short, and why do they build such big buildings?

“Sprocket Fizzboom’s alchemy and inn. If you’ve come for the inn you’re late and if you’ve come for the alchemy you’re too early.”

“I brought someone interested in the job offer.”

“You found an alchemist with low moral standards?”

“...the innkeep job.”

“...oh” They turn to me. “Can you cook? Clean? Do you have low moral standards and aren’t afraid to fight drunkards clad tooth to nail in arms and armor? Also, can you start tonight?”

>>678495
...uh how good are you at fighting?

Tell her that your moral standards are so low that you once drank milk directly from the canteen. Without your old mistress allowing it.

I suppose you're good at non-lethal combat if you had to deal with all those spiders interfering with your cooking and cleaning.

>Can you cook?
yes

>Clean?
yes

>Do you have low moral standards
probably

>and aren’t afraid to fight drunkards clad tooth to nail in arms and armor?
Afraid, no, fight... Well I know how to take a beating if that counts.

>Also, can you start tonight?
can I start sooner?

The people are short because they're dorfs, they build tall buildings to accommodate big people like you.

>>678502
this

>Can you cook? Clean?
Yes I have much practice being forced to do those things.

>Do you have low moral standards
What are moral standards. Are these things I am allowed to have? I have very little so is probably low.

>aren’t afraid to fight drunkards clad tooth to nail in arms and armor?
Am afraid of almost everything, but used to being so.

>Also, can you start tonight?
"Tonight"? Not "immediately"? I am allowed a chance to rest? Truly great kindness.

We can cook, clean, and pretend we're a cute dark elf girl~

>>678470
>How terrible! I’ve heard of no more vile beast.
Well, it's not all bad news. Weather is a big part of why it's easier to grow food on the surface, and the daystar's radiance keeps mindflayers and undead and such from spreading as freely as they do where you're from.

>>678495
>fight drunkards clad tooth to nail in arms and armor
"So everyone attempting to injure me will be slowed by alcohol poisoning, and I'm even allowed to defend myself? Sounds great!"

>>678566
>cute
>dark elf
>girl
Pick none.

>>678566
We're totally ending up in a maid outfit, aren't we.

CAN you fight drunkards??

>>678587
>and the daystar's radiance keeps mindflayers and undead and such from spreading as freely as they do where you're from.
That's because Daystar is so terrifying even the undead and the mindflayers are afraid of it.

>>678588
CTRL+F says we're a drow (dark elf) and he looks cute to me.

>>678744
The joke.





Your head.

Apollo 2015/10/28(Wed)15:25 No. 679928 ID: defceb
File 144607110925.png - (111.07KB , 628x394 , E12.png )

>the daystar's radiance keeps mindflayers and undead and such from spreading as freely as they do where you're from.
>That's because Daystar is so terrifying even the undead and the mindflayers are afraid of it.
I’m afraid of it now, too.

“I cook, I clean, and my morals are so low that one time I drank milk directly from canteen.” She gasps. “As for adventurers, am afraid of almost everything but used to being so. Defending myself will be nice change of pace.”

She swings open the doors. “You’re hired. There’s a closet or something around here that you can unload and rest in. You get an hour break starting now and then get to cleaning. Don’t go upstairs, adventurers sleep there and they’re scary. Don’t go in back either, I do science there.”

A loud bang echos out from the back. “Speaking of science.” Sprocket runs off.

Dorf lady leans toward me. “I don’t think she’s had a full nights sleep since her last assistant died, so you may need to be a little patient with her. But she means well. I think.” What nice people on surface. “And if you hurt her I’ll hang you by the balls out the front gate.” Nevermind.

>>679928
Note taken.

Go inside and find that closet.

Explore, find your closet and rest. A whole hour!

>What nice people on surface. “And if you hurt her I’ll hang you by the balls out the front gate.” Nevermind.
What? They're super nice. Could you imagine that light a punishment for harming a female underground?

dude, your own room!

I wonder if it the fear of the daystar that drives them to be so friendly and community oriented?

find your closet and see what it has to offer. Maybe she'll even let you keep what's inside of it since she said it would be ours.

Make sure is closet is free of spiders.

>>680035
Well, unless they like spiders. In which case, hope there are spiders in there.

In any case, find said space, and do what you can to comfify it in an hour.

Apollo 2015/10/29(Thu)22:25 No. 680131 ID: defceb
File 144618273218.png - (81.96KB , 466x470 , e13.png )

>What? They're super nice. Could you imagine that light a punishment for harming a female underground?
Fair point. Fate much worse back home. Relatively light punishment is a plus, I suppose.

I find a small closet. It's just barely large enough to stand and lie down in. There's a pile of pillows and blankets in the corner, and some old clothes hanging on the wall. They smell strange and have blood stain. Other stains, too. I poke pillow and spider runs out. Feels like home.

>>680131
Sort through the blankets and pillows, decide what you want to use as bedding. Maybe put some of your stuff down in here, then go out and explore the town a bit I guess. Unless you're tired, and would like to just sit and rest?

Examine the quality of these other stains. Your predecessor died in a brawl, so that's where the blood came from. The other stains could be a hint of other job hazards.

Establish small shrine for spider.

Determine if you need the bloodstained clothes or if there are enough clean other ones to use tonight. If necessary, clean stains.

After that, set your internal alarm clock and curl up in the clothes pile.

Yes. >>680152
Organize small closet and then relax for the hour you're given, and then seek out whatever youre supposed to do.

Fifteen minutes to arrange bedding for personal comfort and fold stain-starched clothes into a mini spider shrine up on the shelf, half an hour to rest tired leg muscles while meditating on the background noises of your new home, ten minutes to get dressed for work instead of travel and mentally review relevant skills, and finally, make a good impression on your first day by showing up five minutes early.

Apollo 2015/10/31(Sat)14:59 No. 680412 ID: defceb
File 144632879629.png - (81.11KB , 466x470 , e14.png )

>Establish small shrine for spider.
Done!

>Examine the quality of these other stains.
Burn marks, acid stains, blood stains, minor petrification, bite marks, knife wounds, total petrification, and one shirt partially phased out of existence.

>Half an hour to rest tired leg muscles while meditating on the background noises of your new home
Resting feels quite nice. I spend the half hour listening in on conversations that slip through walls. Many whispers talking about plundering dungeons and fighting strange monsters. More whispers of treasure found on the way. Adventurer talk? I was always told adventurers were cruel, greedy lots who would kill me and take whatever gold I had in my purse just for the ‘experience’. Maybe related to dragons, inherited all the greed and wrath of their kind. Now I am very worried about new job.

Apollo 2015/10/31(Sat)15:00 No. 680413 ID: defceb
File 144632880581.png - (43.25KB , 349x374 , e15.png )

Time to get dressed for work.

>I was always told adventurers were cruel, greedy lots who would kill me and take whatever gold I had in my purse just for the ‘experience’
Yes, but now you're in a place where adventures spend gold, not earn gold, so you're safer from them.

>>680413
Frilly french maid dress.

Suggestion 2015/10/31(Sat)15:10 No. 680416 ID: 89941a
File 144632944266.png - (33.57KB , 322x368 , kisschef.png )

>>680413
5000 hours in SAI, etc. etc.

Find some butler-ish outfit.

You'll probably need a metal suit of armor to survive your first day on the job.

Yomiel 2015/10/31(Sat)16:26 No. 680442 ID: 90f3c0
File 144633396721.png - (34.09KB , 349x374 , meido.png )

There's only one appropriate outfit for a servant.

>>680414
>>680442
Why do you guys want to turn him into what he fears the most?

Suggestion 2015/10/31(Sat)17:19 No. 680449 ID: d3c0e8
File 144633714104.png - (47.71KB , 349x374 , toredraw.png )

what, dress up as a female? while in a serving position???
something simple, so your clothing doesnt get caught in mad science, with fingerless gloves because they are cool (i made boots and gloves colored grey so its obvious that theyre not flip flops and weird bracelets)

Riotmode 2015/10/31(Sat)19:16 No. 680470 ID: f56624
File 144634421245.png - (27.96KB , 349x374 , the bigge man.png )

I think we should try for something more in-line with our heritage as a dark elf male, but with enough room for us to feel...
..
....Humungus.

>>680449
This I like.

Gnuk 2015/11/01(Sun)01:01 No. 680557 ID: 544c23
File 144636848666.png - (62.04KB , 613x374 , Dwarven maido Outfit.png )

Since you are stranded in a dwarven city, you should try to fit in. And since you are working at a tavern, you might want to try the real deal: Sexy dwarven maid outfits. It's a bit indecent for the normal dwarven standards, but we all know that sex sells. As long as you remember not to go out in the streets with this!

Necro 2015/11/01(Sun)01:53 No. 680565 ID: e4abe1
File 144637162150.png - (613.26KB , 1600x1200 , drtunkcanvas.png )

>>680547
better detail on the outfit..rule 63 version...

+1 vote for frilly yet modest maid outfit, but with the partially-phased (transparent?) shirt over the top. It might provide some protection against exotic magical attacks, or at least serve as an ablative layer.

>>680446
This is a new life, a chance to be on top of the heap! Or further from the bottom at least. Dress up like a powerful woman who's lured all these rowdy adventurers into her lair and is providing them with food as part of a larger scheme, and carry yourself as though every spot in those clothes that could be concealing a weapon, actually is. Going into a scary situation, you need all the confidence you can get.

Apollo 2015/11/04(Wed)22:50 No. 681489 ID: defceb
File 144670624595.png - (63.21KB , 388x290 , e16.png )

So many clothes, so little time.

Apollo 2015/11/04(Wed)22:54 No. 681490 ID: defceb
File 144670645461.png - (91.26KB , 595x390 , e17.png )

>This is a new life, a chance to be on top of the heap! Or further from the bottom at least. Dress up like a powerful woman who's lured all these rowdy adventurers into her lair and is providing them with food as part of a larger scheme, and carry yourself as though every spot in those clothes that could be concealing a weapon, actually is. Going into a scary situation, you need all the confidence you can get.

Brilliant! I get dressed and am ready for work five minutes early. I wait five minutes. Then five minutes more. Then ten. Sprocket is late.

>>681490
Keep waiting?

Go check to see if she is dead.

Use the time to change back into a set of more expendable clothes.

>>681490
Pick up the pace! Move it! You're late!

Wait, you know where to go right? Ask a dwarf.

Why are you still standing there waiting? Sprocket did not say you should expect her to be back in an hour, she said "and then get to cleaning." Get to it!

First priority is sweeping away any broken glass, since it's insidious, then mopping up spilled booze and removing damaged furniture from places people will be walking, since those present both a hazard to traffic and a fire risk. Next is bloodstains, vomit, and other biological spills, for traffic and sanitation, then putting undamaged furniture, bottles, etc. back in the proper places, then washing dirty dishes, and finally assorted dusting and polishing as time permits. Overall, make the place look nice, learn your way around, and figure out what you can be doing now that'll save you and your co-workers trouble later.

>>681528
I second this motion.

>>681490
Begin cleaning in preparation for guests.

Maybe knock on mistress's door and remind her you are in need of orders, if she isn't busy.

>>681489
>>681490
So do we have two outfits now?

Apollo 2015/11/10(Tue)00:58 No. 682905 ID: defceb
File 144714590243.png - (142.01KB , 829x432 , e18.png )

>Why are you still standing there waiting? Sprocket did not say you should expect her to be back in an hour, she said "and then get to cleaning." Get to it!

O-okay! I get to cleaning!

I sweep up glass, of which there is a lot, and mop up spilled booze, of which there is also a lot. Next goes the bottles and broken furniture, still laying around. I note much of broken furniture looks like it was used as improvised weapon, judging from blood splatter. Then I start sweeping up the variety of bloodstains, spilled potions, vomit, piles of pixie dust, dropped coins (which I pocket, don’t tell anyone), and other objects. Along the way, I discover dwarf sleeping under on corner table, and I wipe vomit off of their face as well. They’re too drunk to notice.

Apollo 2015/11/10(Tue)00:58 No. 682906 ID: defceb
File 144714591479.png - (216.70KB , 762x688 , e19.png )

Suddenly, someone slams open the door to the inn.

“Innkeep! We’ve returned from our brave and dangerous adventures full of cash and ancient treasures. Now we seek alcohol, food, and attractive men! Not necessarily in that order but all three are mandatory.”

I look over and spot a seemingly random collection of ragtag people who probably share conflicting beliefs and carry unreasonable amount of magical item and power upon their person.

Oh no.

Adventurers.

you are in the inn, it's like base. if anyone starts shit over you not being a regular race call them racist.

Flex.

>>682906
Oh no you're an attractive man! You're on the menu!

Anyway I think now it is time for you to go get the innkeep. Tell the adventurers to just wait a moment.

>>682906
Say "Just a moment~ Have a seat"
Find Sprocket. Wiggle butt at adventurers in process.

>>682906
Step one: DON'T PANIC.

Step two: locate your towel.

Bow politely, welcome them inside, lead them to the bar, serve up some day-old salted bread and cheap watery booze to get them started, then go find your boss.

If your boss is missing or confirmed dead, you will need to figure out how much things should cost, and start cooking. Preferably something slow and tolerant of interruptions in your attention, so you can safely run back and forth flirting and topping off drinks to keep them happy until the main course is ready.

Remember: This is your new life. These adventurers have walked right into your web. You are in control. Show no fear, but stay alert and mobile even as you entice them into slackening their own defenses. Feed them, flatter them, tangle them up in their own pride and gluttony. Make them compete with each other for your attention. Drain the silver and gold out of their purses so gently they'd thank you for lightening the load. And most of all, smile!

"just a moment! Have a seat!" And go find sprocket!!

I hope you're sexually fluid because those can be either men or women as far as we know. It's hard to say with all that equipment.

"Welcome! Please, have a seat.

May I know your tastes in all three so that I can check with the innkeep if we can accommodate you the best we can?"

Say "Am I attractive?~ uguu~"

Sprocketget!

>>682906
Seat them and go search for booze and food.

Dunno where you'll find an attractive man. You clearly aren't special, the matrons made that clear.

Stay calm; remember that in here you are not a drow but SERVING WENCH, BRINGER OF BOOZE. So long as they desire the drink you provide (which is almost always), even the most murdersome adventurer will balk at the thought of (intentionally) injuring you.

>attractive men
Men? Plural? But as far as you're aware, you're the only man employed here, attractive or anyways!

Apollo 2015/11/11(Wed)22:46 No. 683450 ID: defceb
File 144731079450.png - (101.41KB , 532x425 , e20.png )

>Remember: This is your new life. These adventurers have walked right into your web. You are in control.
Yes!

>Stay calm; remember that in here you are not a drow but SERVING WENCH, BRINGER OF BOOZE
I can do this!

>Drain the silver and gold out of their purses so gently they'd thank you for lightening the load. And most of all, smile!
I am strong independant dark elf, and I don’t need no man!

>Oh no you're an attractive man! You're on the menu!
I am now less certain of my ability to do this.

I smile and bow, then direct them to bar. “Have a seat! I will find innkeep, just one moment~”
“You should check the back. I hear they live in there.” says lady gnome behind counter.
“They said I couldn’t go there!”
“Try the fifth room up top, then. There’s a paladin sleeping up there that would love to meet a pretty dark elf like you.”
“But I’m looking for Sprocket.”
“Paladins are super hot, though.”

>>683450
Oh wait you have a coworker. Ask if you SHOULD go bother Sprocket. Otherwise just ask what you should be doing, are you the waiter? Taking down orders then delivering them is easy enough.

They didn't ask for rooms so as long as there's a barkeep I guess we're okay.

>>683451
Seconding all of this.

Er...she IS a coworker, right? She's not just some random gnome that wandered behind the counter, is she? If she's a coworker, she probably knows the drill, and can give you instructions. And hopefully won't lead you astray.

Lady gnome behind counter is drinking from a mug which says "#1 boss." I suspect she is, in fact, Sprocket Fizzboom, your employer, whom you have failed to recognize without the mask and goggles. She is teasing you about this misunderstanding.

Play along, pretending not to realize it's her until someone unambiguously points it out. If you're on your best behavior even when you think the boss isn't watching, that is strong evidence of your loyalty and trustworthiness.

Knock on the door to the back room and shout "customers are here!" but don't actually open it, which is both within the letter of your previous orders and consistent with the spirit of passing important information up the chain of command. Anxiously explain to the 'barkeep' that it's your first day so you don't have the food selection and wine list memorized yet. Continue cleaning, as opportunities permit.

>>683450
But if I go see this very warm person, who will get these guests their food and attractive men?

Apollo 2015/11/15(Sun)23:40 No. 684288 ID: defceb
File 144765961294.png - (167.76KB , 707x580 , e21.png )

>Play along, pretending not to realize it's her until someone unambiguously points it out.
>Knock on the door to the back room and shout "customers are here!" but don't actually open it
I go off to knock at Sprocket’s door and call out for her. With no response I instead wandering around the place calling her name.

“You’re… going to tell them you’re Sprocket, right?”
“Maybe later. I like to watch newbies run around. It’s cute.”
“So about that drink.”
“Work doesn’t start until the coffee stops. HEY NEWBIE!”

At probablySprocket’s call I return to the bar. She takes a long swig of her own drink then points at the three adventurers. “Drinks. Fetch.”

“Of course!” I reply. “What would you like?”

“Something strong.” Say the lady in armor.
“Something sweet.” Says the kobold.
“You are a dark elf. Is it true that you flay your enemies and eat their skin?“ Says the hooded one. The kobold elbows them. “Er, I mean, is it true that your dicks-” The kobold pulls them down by the hood and whispers in their ear. “Oh! I desire a drink that is warm and does not cause rust when exposed to iron. Not that I am concerned about rust. Us normal people don’t have to worry about that stuff. Yeap.”

One whiskey, one mead, one hot mug of motor oil. Coming right up!

>>684299
Alternately, perhaps pure rubbing alcohol, as it may be somewhat more appropriate for their human facade.

>>684288
Hmm, maybe we should try and redox this nerd. I don't know how we can rust him without him knowing though, maybe lace his drink with water? If we rust him we can sell him a nice zinc paint to fix it right up.

>>684299
Why not old cooking grease? It should be found in the kitchen. Just warm it up a bit and serve.

Don't be rude to surfacers that grant you work and answer their questions.
Tell them that flaying the enemies isn't uncommon as matrons forgive nothing, but you only eat the skin of certain enemies, such as mindflayers.

Find metaxa for the armoured lady,ouzo for the kobold and...you can't give anything alcoholic to the hooded one as alcohol attracts water which does cause rust. Turn on the charm and point out that they shouldn't worry that much about rust as everything oxidises, so why bother with caution when it conflicts with merriment?

>Is it true that you flay your enemies and eat their skin?
You didn't get to do any flaying or skin eating. That was reserved for your betters.

>>684299
Check check check.

Okay, what the hell is that hooded guy? All I can think of is warforged, but those aren't even in this setting. Thoughts?

The lady in armor wants an improvised explosive, the kobold wants Go’ran, and the hooded guy wants liquid metal.

>“Er, I mean, is it true that your dicks-”
Once you go drow, to not go back you'll vow.

Apollo 2015/11/24(Tue)18:56 No. 685562 ID: defceb
File 144842021528.png - (236.94KB , 1000x468 , e22.png )

>One whiskey, one mead, one hot mug of motor oil. Coming right up!
>The lady in armor wants an improvised explosive, the kobold wants Go’ran, and the hooded guy wants liquid metal.
>the kobold wants Go’ran,

I pass a glass of whiskey to the armored lady. She looks confused and says, “What do I look like, a light drinker?” I swap it for a larger glass of whiskey. That seems to please her.

For the hooded lady I pass a warm mug of oil. She promptly splashes it against her… face? She seems to like it.

The kobold lady looks at the other two and then back to me, saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but my drink…?”

I strike pose and say, “I am sweet~” The armored lady shouts ‘OOOOOOOHHHHH’ and playfully punches the kobold’s shoulder, who is now hiding under their hat and blushing. I didn’t know kobolds were capable of blushing, I thought they only felt fear, greed, and anger. Then I pour her some mead.

Sprocket tugs me by the ear down to her level and whispers. “These three are repeat customers. Consider it a test run for tonight, if they’re happy then you can keep the job. Also, I recommend finding whatever adventure information you can from them. Newbies are always looking for ‘rumors’ and ‘plot hooks’” She makes air quotes with her fingers.

>I didn’t know kobolds were capable of blushing, I thought they only felt fear, greed, and anger.
Hey, where do you think new kobolds came from? Stuff happens after blushing! Blushing is a necessary prerequisite!

>Also, I recommend finding whatever adventure information you can from them
Ask them what they've been up to, or if they have any heroic tales to share.

Hooks?! Oh no, I didn't think they had hooks on the surface! Maybe they won't be as bad as the hooks back home, maybe they use them for something innocuous, like fishing.

Ask about where they've been, and whether any of those ancient treasures were too heavy, had to be left behind. Wiggle your eyebrows suggestively at opportune moments during the subsequent discussion.

Consider attempting to one-up their stories with your own tale of daring escape.

Apollo 2015/11/25(Wed)14:47 No. 685709 ID: defceb
File 144849162602.png - (151.46KB , 673x575 , e23.png )

>Hey, where do you think new kobolds came from?
They… grow out of the ground like a fungus, right?

>Ask them what they've been up to, or if they have any heroic tales to share.
>Wiggle your eyebrows suggestively at opportune moments during the subsequent discussion.
“So, have you been on any grand adventures lately?”

The armored lady slams her fist into the bar and shouts with excitement. “Have we!? Well do I have a tale to tell you, oddly dark skinned elf!”

The kobold speaks up, “They’re a drow.”

“Nonsense! Drows have sharp fangs, wear the skins of their children, and eat the heads off of men once they’re done mating with them!” Two out of three isn’t bad, but I don’t feel safe correcting her. She slams her now empty glass in front of me. “Keep ‘er filled, elf, and I’ll tell you how we defeated the…”

[ 1 ] Despotic and cruel warlord, ravaging the countryside and hoarding it’s wealth in his castle in a search for his childhood teddybear. (Low level)
[ 2 ] Evil and fabulously wealthy lich lord laying waste to wide swaths of lands playing their ‘rpg wargames’’ with actual golems and zombies against a rival lich. (Mid-level, double lich danger warning.)
[ 3 ] Horrible(ly rich) dragon with limitless magical power and no sense of scale or morality destroying countless realms in an attempt to appease their high-school crush. (High level, dragons have less sense of right and wrong than wizards warning.)
[ 4 ] Tarrasque (Epic level journey.)

We gotta get in on this double lich action.

Double liches.

2 Lich 2 Furious

Go with the litches! That story sounds believable. (I want to see how you draw a tarrasque though)

Life is a Lich 2

Go with one or two, we're trying to get information about so easy low level adventures for the new adventurers who come in, if we start them to high they'll most likely not come back meaning we lose business

Apollo 2015/11/26(Thu)01:14 No. 685769 ID: defceb
File 144852926912.png - (85.56KB , 726x597 , e24.png )

“... Evil and fabulously wealthy lich lord laying waste to wide swaths of lands playing their ‘rpg wargames’’ with actual golems and zombies against a rival lich! Truly a harrowing tale!” They finish their drink quickly, and demand another. The kobold rubbing their face into the palm of their hand, muttering ‘here we go’ under their breath.

“The three of set out as soon as we had heard the news, braving dangerous realms and fighting many strange beasts. Once we arrived we saw the liches had marked the pavement in large, even squares and had only one soldier per square. They were playing a game with very particular rules, and being liches they had no sense of how their game was impacting the local kingdom.”

“So naturally we have to go kill them and steal everything they had of value!” She accentuates her point by dropping a large, heavy book on the bar. It’s covered in gold filigree and gemstones, with three locks along the side. “Like this! A priceless treasure! But first, we came up with the clever plan to…”

[ 1 ] Send them both a fake letter inviting them to a secret, lich-only, phylactery party.
[ 2 ] Send them both a real letter challenge them to a manly boxing match
[ 3 ] Teamed up with another adventurer and his partner Gunther, who will go challenge the other Lich. They need to go save a princess over there or something, anyway.
[ 4 ] SCREW PLANS WE CHARGED THEIR UNDEAD ASSES.

2] The secret to fighting liches is realising they're incredibly jaded and unable to resist novelty. They simply can't help themselves.

>>685769
2

3
Number two.

2, and peer at the book she dropped. Is it anything you might have overheard the mistresses talking about? They were always into creepy dark art stuff.

pshh, 2 easily.

FOUR
LEEEEEROOOOOYYYYYYYY

>>685769
3 but actually 4

Apollo 2015/11/29(Sun)01:20 No. 686201 ID: defceb
File 144878879966.png - (291.64KB , 885x533 , e25.png )

“...challenge them to a boxing match! Naturally, Liches are incredibly jaded and couldn’t possibly resist the novelty! They were quick to respond. With their magic they raised a boxing ring and were ready to fight in no time!” She stands upon the stool and makes mock punching moves. I’m refilling her glass for what feels like the hundredth time.

>peer at the book she dropped. Is it anything you might have overheard the mistresses talking about? They were always into creepy dark art stuff.
I sneakily nudge the book closer to me and glance over the cover. It’s written in a demonic language, and appears to be a children’s fairytale book. It will probably look like a spellbook to anyone who can’t read it, though.

“So there we were, toe to toe with some of the meanest liches in town. Being undead may not have helped their strength, but being all bones meant these two were real light on their feet. They were practically dancing around us the whole time. Then POW! BAM!” She thrusts her fists out, almost hitting other patrons. By now more adventurers had filed in, taking up a good portion of the seating. Sprocket is running around with a multitude of bottles under each arm. “I knocked one of their heads clean off! But then they…”

[ 1 ] Cheated and used their magical powers to destroy everything. Fortunately, they missed us and we were able to pick out all this loot from the ruins.
[ 2 ] Demanded their endless ranks of minions to join the fight. I beat them all up, of course. Meanwhile the other two stole everything from the now defenseless towers.
[ 3 ] Got beat up like the nerds they were and then we took their lunch money.
[ 4 ] Were so intimidated that they confessed their true love for eachother. It was very sweet, the wedding is next week. Also, we stole all their shit while they were making out.

2 ] Demanded their endless ranks of minions to join the fight. I beat them all up, of course. Meanwhile the other two stole everything from the now defenseless towers.
>[ 4 ] Were so intimidated that they confessed their true love for eachother. It was very sweet, the wedding is next week. Also, we stole all their shit while they were making out.
Can we combine these two? They seem to work well together.

>>686201
2, definitely.

>>686207
yes!

4

>>686207
Yeah, why not?

>>686207
I support both as well.

2 & 4

Apollo 2015/12/01(Tue)22:05 No. 686527 ID: defceb
File 144903632119.png - (57.53KB , 733x368 , e26.png )

“...were so intimidated that they finally confessed their true love for eachother! It would have been very romantic, had they not immediately ordered all their minions to charge us so they could run off and elope. Naturally, I beat them all up.” She flexes her arms. Each one seems thicker than my head. “Meanwhile my noble companions looted both of the towers!”

A variety of faces are now decorating the inn. Tall, small, just plain weird. More than a few are staring at me, and a fair number of them don’t look very happy to see me either.

The kobold takes a sip of her drink, swirling it around and pondering. “But…”

[1] We never did find their apprentice necromancer. Oh well, some other adventurer will probably sweep them up whenever they start causing trouble anyway.
[2] There was something about a magic summoning circle in one of their basements? We were too busy hauling out of there to get a good look at that point.
[3] There were a lot of minions still roaming around when we left. Without their lich leader, they’ll probably start messing up the countryside soon. Someone else’s problem now.
[4] Won’t they just come back and cause more trouble later?

>>686527
All of 1-3. Also I think it's about time you serve some more drinks, you can has more storytime later!

2
The warrior punched all of there minions and they necromanciers still need to get hitch and have a honeymoon before they're back in the game.

one to threee

1 & 3.

No time to murder minions when you're looting.

1 and 2, or maybe 4

more than 2 at once seems a bit much

Apollo 2015/12/02(Wed)15:34 No. 686612 ID: defceb
File 144909928025.png - (98.68KB , 849x512 , e27.png )

“...we never did find their apprentice necromancer. Not to mention, all the those minions we left behind. They’ll probably tear up the countryside soon. Oh well, someone else’s problem now.”

Another patron weaves into the conversation. “Ahem, excuse me! I have problems with your story!”

The armored lady chugs down her sixth? Seventh? drink and spins around. She’s very drunk now. I feel worried. “You got a problem with us!?”

“Liches are incapable of feeling emotions so how could they-”

Apollo 2015/12/02(Wed)15:34 No. 686613 ID: defceb
File 144909929702.png - (156.13KB , 849x512 , e28.png )

POW! All at once the place erupts into a brawl.

Apollo 2015/12/02(Wed)15:35 No. 686614 ID: defceb
File 144909931864.png - (139.35KB , 753x492 , e29.png )

Should I… intervene? Or…

Apollo 2015/12/02(Wed)15:35 No. 686616 ID: defceb
File 144909933561.png - (140.18KB , 753x492 , e30.png )

“So about the flaying.”
“I never did that myself, but it happened, yes.”
“And is it true that drow dicks have pincers for grasping their partners?”

...um.

>>686614
Nah fam it's all good, this is standard operating procedure for this sort of place. Besides, what could you even do?

>>686616
Those usually get removed, the matrons don't like them.

>>686614
Naw. This is adventurers in their natural state. When they don't have enemies to kill or main, they fight amongst themselves for status. Lots of pack animals are competitive!

>>686616
...are you requesting a demonstration, Lady?

(What? You couldn't ever say no to a female, even if she's a surface lizard female who seems less inclined to hurt you than the matrons, maybe).

>>686630
WE ARE STRONG INDEPENDENT DROW WHO DON'T NEED NO WOMAN!

You're not so different from surface elves in that regard.

They're fighting because there's not enough whores to sate their raging libidos. Try offering yourself and your body in exchange for peace in the establishment. Do it in a way that makes you look very timid and innocent.

>>686616
Tell him the truth.

We're not payed to intervene we get paid to clean up there messes.

Also no drow dicks don't have pincers, why is it weird not to?

How about instead of answering that out loud, I take cover behind the bar and you take cover behind my apron?

>>686616
"No. That would be the drow women. What would a man have to grip anyway? And they're less like pincers and more like... fuzzy mandibles. They're also poisoned."

Apollo 2015/12/04(Fri)12:50 No. 686963 ID: defceb
File 144926223840.png - (203.54KB , 841x522 , e31.png )

>They're fighting because there's not enough whores to sate their raging libidos. Try offering yourself and your body in exchange for peace in the establishment. Do it in a way that makes you look very timid and innocent.
That doesn’t seem safe…

>...are you requesting a demonstration, Lady?
Are you saying I should hit on them?? Back home I would be thrown on the rack for such an act.

>How about instead of answering that out loud, I take cover behind the bar and you take cover behind my apron?
I’ll try…

“H-how about we take cover behind the bar and you can hide behind my apron?”

Apollo 2015/12/04(Fri)12:50 No. 686964 ID: defceb
File 144926225325.png - (119.84KB , 759x468 , e32.png )

She gasps. “Are you hitting on me?”

This is it.

This is how I die.

“S-Shouldn’t we hold hands first?”

>“S-Shouldn’t we hold hands first?”
I, uh, yes?

Take her hand, hold it in between the two of yours.

You aren't sure what this surface worlder custom is, but it sure beats getting killed.

>>686964
Yeessss.

That's some really neat armor she has on, you should grab her hand and inspect it.

>Shouldn’t we hold hands first?
Good god that's filthy. Maybe you should go back to the underdark, where the women have normal fetishes.

Oh gods, no. She doesn't want to just use you for your body like other matrons. She wants to keep you for an indefinite time!

Apollo 2015/12/04(Fri)15:17 No. 686984 ID: defceb
File 144927102999.png - (94.31KB , 720x539 , e33.png )

>Good god that's filthy. Maybe you should go back to the underdark, where the women have normal fetishes.
>You aren't sure what this surface worlder custom is, but it sure beats getting killed.
Is… is this one of those surface fetishes? Maybe I shouldn’t. I’m not prepared for that kind of relationship.

>Take her hand, hold it in between the two of yours.
I-If you say so. I reach forward to grasp her hand-

The whole building suddenly begins to shake. Bottles fall off the shelves and adventurers freeze in confusion, standing mid-fight.

“EARTHQUAKE!”

>>686984
Catch the falling bottles!

use your elf agility to catch all bottles.

Make use of your drow dexteritry abd catch those bottles!

Quick, you need to get to cover before you're crushed! Preferably under a support structure! You lived underground, you know the drill!

Grab kobold and drag them under the counter for safety. If the inn collapses, you'll have someone trapped with you to help dig out. Or to eat for food. Or to be eaten by for food.

Utilize your fae swiftness to save as many bottles as you can

Use your fear of punishment to save the bottles.

After safely catching whichever bottles look expensive, grab the inquisitive adventurer's hand and pull her over the bar to safety.

Apollo 2015/12/05(Sat)21:53 No. 687249 ID: defceb
File 144938121629.png - (149.94KB , 630x616 , e35.png )

The rest of the tavern is in relative ruin from the sudden quake. Thankfully the patrons have calmed down and gone back to their seats, giving me a chance to clean it up. Some of them sneer or give unhappy stares when I pass by. It’s rather unnerving.

The night passes by quickly.

Apollo 2015/12/05(Sat)21:56 No. 687252 ID: defceb
File 144938139607.png - (76.02KB , 446x414 , e36.png )

“Good job not getting shanked tonight.”
“Thanks? I’m good at surviving stab wounds.”
“You should put that on your resume, next to ‘dexterous hands’. I’m sure the ladies will love it.”
“Thanks?”
“Do you have any cash?”
“No.”
“Possessions?”
“Just what I wore in today.”
Sprocket sighs and buries her face in her hand. She pulls a small coin purse off her belt and tosses it to me. “Consider this an advance on your first payment. Go into town tomorrow and get some local clothes. I also recommend getting a good knife. Maybe a haircut if you want to blend in. Er, try to blend in.”

She hops off her chair and marches off to the back room. “I’m calling it a night. Be ready to work before dinner tomorrow. Don’t have too much fun tonight.”

Go into town to buy dorf workclothes and an apron.

>>687252
Do we really need clothes? Our room closet had more than you'd ever had in your entire life! Though I guess you can't wear work clothes all the time.

Do we need to buy a knife either? There should be lots of free ones stuck in the walls from being thrown around earlier.

Oh well, I guess we could go look what the town has on sale.

Apollo 2015/12/05(Sat)23:48 No. 687284 ID: defceb
File 144938810943.png - (139.15KB , 794x624 , e37.png )

>Do we really need clothes?
I would like to not be a nudist.

>Do we need to buy a knife either?
All the people who threw knives were very careful to get them back.

Looks like most of the town is asleep now. Maybe there's a midnight market I could shop around in? Or I could go to bed for the night and shop in the morning.

well you might as well look around town. Even if there is nothing open we can at least remember where the shops are for when we wake up tomorrow.

Shop now, when there's fewer people about.

>Or I could go to bed for the night and shop in the morning.
What, and risk the DAYSTAR?

>>687290
We're underground, aren't we?

>>687284
Go tomorrow, like she said.

Shopping first, sleep later. That way you'll have something to sleep in besides your travel clothes, a knife just in case you get woken up by something you'd prefer to have the option to stab, and a mental map of the immediate area in case you need to flee.

You work in a building with lots of wooden furniture and structural bits, which stores and dispenses distilled alcohol, to adventurers, under the supervision of a sleep-deprived alchemist, in an area prone to earthquakes. Any two of those would be reason enough to familiarize yourself with fire escape routes as soon as possible.

Is there some sort of goop for sale which you could put on your skin in order to pass for a surface elf?

Apollo 2015/12/06(Sun)22:00 No. 687453 ID: defceb
File 144946804954.png - (119.62KB , 572x527 , e38.png )

>What, and risk the DAYSTAR?
Oh no!

First, I change out of my new work clothes. I don’t want to get them dirty already. Then I head out.

A fair number of buildings around town still have their lights up. The earthquake from before has people up and cleaning even at this hour. It’s in my favor this time, though, as that means a decent number of places are still open for business while they clean.

I can go to…

Burnham’s Blacksmith and Trinkets [Sounds like they’re still working in there.]
The Wary Apothecary [Smells funny]
Taylor’s Tailor Store [Clothes, and ‘specialty goods’?]
One-Stop Shoppe for the Wealthy and Experienced Adventurers [Looks expensive…]
Mister Marko’s Marvelous and Magical Emporium [Some kind of magic item shop?]
Durnham’s Dragonscales [Claims to be 100% authentic!]

There’s also a gambling hall, a library, and some dive restaurant.

Blacksmith is probably the place to go to get a good, serviceable knife. Lots of uses for a knife no matter what you do, that's probably a smart choice.

>>687453
Taylor’s Tailor Store
lets see what they have

Burnham's Blacksmith, so you can armor up for your next shift. Then go to the One-Stoppe Adventurere Shoppe. I'm sure the title's just for show.

>>687453
Dragonscales! I just want to see what they have, it should be wicked cool.

Taylor's Tailor. Clooooothes.

Blacksmith first, so you'll have the knife in case you get mugged on the way to a second store.

Volunteer minor assistance to any cleanup you pass on the way, thereby building up a positive reputation for yourself.

Mister Marko's? That sounds sounds kinda drow. Check if it's a fellow immigrant, maybe he'll have some advice on blending in with these surface people.

Apollo 2015/12/07(Mon)12:17 No. 687495 ID: defceb
File 144951942375.png - (166.58KB , 731x412 , e39.png )

“Welcome to Burnham’s- hey, Burnham, it’s the dark elf Illya told us about!”
Somewhere in back a dorf grunts in reply.
“Illya said you’re dickless, by the way.”

Knife, silverware - 5g
Knife, iron - 3g
Knife, coldsteel - 53g
Combat dagger - 12g
Axe - 14g
Hammer - 14g
Morningstar - 15g
Spear - 8g
Bastard Sword - 20g
A really big hammer - 25g
Iron Blade of the Mountain King (Replica) - 50g
Skyrender, Fist of the Lightning God - 12,000g

Chainmail shirt - 50g
Blackiron Chain shirt - 500g
Mithril shirt (It has a pink ribbon on it.) - 250g and your pride.

Buckler - 5g
Kite Shield - 9g
Large Iron Shield - 20g

Dwarven Rings (For beards and hair, it’s fashionable!) - Iron 1g each, also available in gold (3g each) or silver (2g each)
Chain - 3g per yard.
Buckle - 1g
Studs - 1g a bag
Backscratcher - 1g
Wrought Iron Necklace - 2g
Blackiron Necklace - 122g

There’s also a barrel full of misshapen weapons with a label ‘defects: 3g’, a bunch of platemail I couldn’t possibly hope to afford, anvils, blacksmithing hammers, children’s toys, little statues of various prices…

Oh! I almost forgot, I check my coin purse and I have…

Apollo 2015/12/07(Mon)12:17 No. 687496 ID: defceb
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...100 gold!? This is the most money I’ve ever had in my life! I feel like I have raw power in the palm of my hand!

Is this how adventurers feel!? Is this how DRAGONS feel!?

Apollo 2015/12/07(Mon)12:17 No. 687497 ID: defceb
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IS THIS HOW DRAGONS FEEL ALL THE TIME!?!?!?

>>687497
Only one way to find out. HOARD THAT GOLD.
But you really do need to buy things right now so you'll have to part with some of it. Are you trained with any weapons? If not, a "good knife" would refer to the coldsteel one. It's a bit expensive though.

Ask what coldsteel and blacksteel do.

sorta? but look at the prices on some of those things. adventurers can afford even those.

anyway, get a gold Dwarven Ring and put your hair into a ponytail through it, shorten it a little if still have to after that. get that combat dagger. and get a statue that suites your tastes, perhaps an animal that looks interesting.

>>687497
No, Dragons don't spend their money.

>Illya said you’re dickless, by the way.
Was that a compliment?

Clearly the only reasonable option here is to buy 100 dwarven rings.

Purchase a coldsteel knife and some golden dwarf rings.

Get the plain old combat knife, and a few rings. For your ears.

go for the combat dagger. It's pretty cheap and should do well protecting you if you need it. Oh and ask why is everyone interested in your dick. About every other person we've talked to has asked about our dick in some shape or form. Why is that?

Apollo 2015/12/07(Mon)12:51 No. 687506 ID: defceb
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>Only one way to find out. HOARD THAT GOLD.
YES!

>But you really do need to buy things right now so you'll have to part with some of it
Aww.

>Are you trained with any weapons?
Not particularly. I suppose I could handle a knife or a dagger if worst comes to worst.


>re:Dickless
“Was that a compliment?”
“She only insults people openly if she likes them or really hates them. So maybe.”

>Coldsteel vs Blackiron
She swipes a coldsteel knife off the shelf and lays it down in front of me. It glows with a faint blue shimmer.“Coldsteel, effective against faeries, demons, resistant to magic. A fair number of undead hate it, too. Just carrying it on you is enough to keep most of the fae folk from bothering you when you’re out and about. We’ve got a mine way under the city churning out loads of the materials, so you can’t get it cheaper anywhere but here.”

She pulls a dark knife off her belt and shows it to me. “Blackiron, on the other hand, is a lot harder to come by. This stuff is the toughest material you can ask for. In a weapon it’ll slice through lesser metals like butter, and as armor it’ll ignore most blows. Also-” She drops the knife on the counter. On impact it makes a knife-shaped crater through the wood. “-it’s heavy as all hell. That knife is mine, not for sale.”

>Dwarven Rings
I ask about the dorf rings. She says she’s willing to style my hair for me if I buy one.

yeah, coldsteel, using heavy weapons, even small ones, requires serious training to be any good at it. a light weapon though can be used somewhat effectively purely from your natural elf agility.

might as well get the cold steel then since it's cheaper here. Also get on normal, one silver, and one gold ring. 1 of each should look nice.

Coldsteel is much more expensive and is also much more likely to be stolen due to being expensive. Just get a combat dagger, an extra regular knife, and some rings.

Coldsteel sounds like a good deal, yeah, but... that's half of the money we have. Combat dagger sounds like a good alternative for saving gold.

Still think we should go with the coldsteel knife. Maybe instead of golden rings we should get silver instead, we could save a little that way.

Yeah, no reason to spend half of this money on a coldsteel knife. Not until we piss off a fae, anyway. Just get the dagger and iron knife. Oh, and a silver ring should look good in your hair, go for that.

Combat dagger, get some rings, and accept the hair styling offer with grace.

>>687506
Aren't you a fae?

Look in the defects bin for a weapon to wear at your side. That'll fool any pickpockets, while you keep your real weapon (probably a combat dagger) concealed.

Buy at least ten dorf rings. Also buy the coldsteel knife.

Apollo 2015/12/07(Mon)14:39 No. 687533 ID: defceb
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>Aren't you a fae?
Am I? I don’t know much about faeries…

I buy the coldsteel knife, three silver rings, and buy a vaguely knife-shaped block of iron from the defect bin for a total of 62 gold. I stash the defect-knife visibly on my side and hide the coldsteel in my shirt. The coldsteel feels uncomfortably warm to touch, and my skin turns a little red on contact. I also accept the offer to style my hair.

“I could have been a real hairstylist. It’s a passion.”
“Instead of a blacksmith?”
“Family job, father needed a blacksmith to inherit his work and I was the only child. So here I am. It’s not all bad, though. I get my kicks styling dwarf-beards when I can. Rings aren’t about to go out of style so there’s a good demand for my help.”

The dorf lady is very strong, but her hands are surprisingly gentle with my hair. She ties it up with a braid, slides the rings into place, and ruffles up my neat bangs. “There you go. Now you look like someone who lives around here.”

I have 38 gold left. Where should I go next?

>>687533
First, thank the lady.
Then let's go to the Dragonscales shop to see how much it would cost to get some dragon cosplay gear.

Dragonscales.

Apollo 2015/12/07(Mon)15:08 No. 687547 ID: defceb
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I thank her for her time and head towards Dragonscales. I get precisely ten steps in before I’m grabbed and dragged into an alleyway.

Apollo 2015/12/07(Mon)15:09 No. 687548 ID: defceb
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A zombie holds me up against the wall and brandishes a curved dagger pointed at my throat. I'd be worried, but I'm pretty used to having sharp things pointed at me.

“No sudden moves or I’ll be talking to your ghost.” Says a cloaked man while he grabs the defective knife off my belt. He waves it menacingly in the air in front of me, apparently not realizing it’s a pretty useless weapon. “Where is the book?”

EEP

Uhh- Have you tried library? I no have book, only spiders.

booook?...I don't think we know. Best answer MAYBE is direct them towards inn full of rowdy adventurers and see what happens.

dive roll, draw good knife, cut them up.

>>687548
>A fair number of undead hate it, too
Hmmm. The coldsteel would be effective against the zombie, probably... but do you think you're fast enough to attack without getting stabbed in the throat?

Ask them what book they mean. Describe it, please?
I'm guessing the book in question is the book the adventurers had. Be truthful and tell them the book just looked like a children's book so why do they care?

>>687550
(This is the point where you pull out the spiders that you keep in your pocket)

I-I think you looking for someone else! I'm am new here!

>>687548
The children's story book the adventure's had before? I think they still have it.

Do knives help with your divinations? We use spiders for ours.

>Where is the book
...was I suppose to get a book when I arrived here? The dwarf lady never said anything about getting a book. Did kick me in the balls after I asked why she didn't have a beard though.

Apollo 2015/12/07(Mon)15:37 No. 687566 ID: defceb
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“Uhh, book? I don’t know any book. Have you tried library?”
“The book those vagabonds stole from my teacher.”
“I didn’t get any book when I arrived. Just punched in balls.”
He gives an exasperated sigh.

>dive roll, draw good knife, cut them up.
I can’t roll while being held like this but…

“Can you describe book, please?”
His knife dips a little as he starts to talk. I cut off his speech by stabbing his friend in the arm. The coldsteel hisses as it punches through dead flesh.

I’ve never heard a zombie scream in pain before. I hope to never hear it again, either.

rotate it so it slices the arm off.

>>687566
Now call for the guards, and maybe stab the other guy in the face. Make sure they don't get the curved knife back.

Grab your knives and run!

Grab the curved knife and abscond while calling for guards.

>>687567
this, also grab the necromancer's arm while he's distracted.

Apollo 2015/12/11(Fri)19:15 No. 688239 ID: defceb
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I twist the knife through the zombie's arm, tearing it off. The knife slips through it's flesh like flimsy paper, and an acrid smell fills the air. The two of them attempt to run, dropping me on the ground.

"GUARDS! NECROMANCER!" I shout. Doors fling open all over, and the zombie barely even stumbles out of the alleyway before the blacksmith bashes it into the floor. The cloaked man utters some arcane words and disappears in a puff of smoke.

I grab the curved knife and stash it with my coldsteel knife. There's a lot of dorfs wandering around the area now, muttering amongst each other. More than a few are shooting cautious glances my way. Should I stay here?

yes, stay, running makes you even more suspicious. maybe move closer to the blacksmith. she can vouch that you just bought the undead slaying knife.

The crowd is safety. Don't run, don't be suspicious. Trust the dorfs.

>>688239
Ask for an escort to the next shop.

>>688239
Wait, was that necromancer looking for the children's fairytale book? Why would he want that? Because it was covered in gems and gold?

thank blacksmith dwarf for the help, ask if she know what that was about.

Apollo 2015/12/12(Sat)11:18 No. 688302 ID: defceb
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>Wait, was that necromancer looking for the children's fairytale book
I guess so?

I walk up to the blacksmith. The crowd is getting rowder now. I look around more closely and see a lot of drunk faces. Actually, almost all of them look drunk. Do dorfs have a drinking problem?

“Ay! Drow! What did you have to do with this?” Says one, pointing at my face.
“When was the last time we had a drow in this area?”
“When they were 2 gold an ear, and ten for a head!”
“When they tried to poison our ale and steal our women.”
“This one looks kinda civilized though.”
“Pretty rings.”
“Ehh they’d look prettier on me.”

“Back off, back off!” Says the blacksmith, brandishing her hammer. “Paying customer, paying customer.” Most of the crowd simmers down, though they still grumble to each other. I see some of the guards at the back of the crowd, trying to worm their way through.

Apollo 2015/12/12(Sat)11:18 No. 688303 ID: defceb
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“You look like a man who needs a bodyguard.”

And you look exactly like the last reason I needed a bodyguard mr. sketchy hooded person.

>>688303
If that's the armored lady from the tavern, graciously accept her help.

>Do dorfs have a drinking problem?
No, you have a not drinking problem.

Tell that person that you probably can't afford a bodyguard.

>>688303
Ask what's wrong with your body, you didn't even notice.

And say you probably couldn't afford a bodyguard.

>>688303
Is that the weird adventurer lady? Does she want to be your heroine? Too bad, you're not playing the dandy-in-distress game.

Apollo 2015/12/12(Sat)23:19 No. 688436 ID: defceb
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>No, you have a not drinking problem.
I should be drinking? Right now? In public?

>Is that the weird adventurer lady?
Looks like it. Why is she here, though?

>Does she want to be your heroine? Too bad, you're not playing the dandy-in-distress game.
>And say you probably couldn't afford a bodyguard.
“I’m no dandy-in-distress.” I say. Whatever that means. “Besides, I probably couldn’t afford a bodyguard.”

“What a shame,” She pouts, holding up her hand. “I was hoping we would get to actually hold hands this time.”

She wants to indulge in that weird surface fetish? Right now? In public!?

a mistress gets what she wants, even in public, hold hands!

>>688436
engage in weird surface fetish

Better do it if you know what's good for you.

Apollo 2015/12/12(Sat)23:38 No. 688449 ID: defceb
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Oh spiders she's interlocking fingers I feel so filthy.

"So, where are we going tonight?"

Clothes shopping.

Just think that you're holding a giant spider for the mistress. See, not filthy at all. Clothes it is.

"i don't know, never been in this situation before"

Apollo 2015/12/13(Sun)01:21 No. 688460 ID: defceb
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>Just think that you're holding a giant spider for the mistress. See, not filthy at all. Clothes it is.
Spiders don’t get all cuddly fingers like this.

>Clothes

We continue walking towards Durnham’s Dragonscales and idly chat along the way.

“So… what do you do?”
“I provide divine magic to the party. Healing, protection, reviving the dead, purging the unclean in lakes of fire, smiting evil wherever it may hide, bathing in the blood of monsters. Girly things.”
“Oh, that’s uh… that sounds nice.”
“I’ve killed a lot of drow.”
I’m scared.
“But you’re the first one I’ve met that hasn’t tried to kill me first.”
Still scared.

Apollo 2015/12/13(Sun)01:21 No. 688461 ID: defceb
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We arrive at Durnham’s

The shopkeep seems half-asleep, but he perks up a little when we walk in. “Welcome to Durnham’s Dragonscales. Yes I use real dragon scales, no I won’t tell you where I get them. Prices are non-negotiable.”

The walls are covered in a variety of items. Platemail, shields, robes, dresses, trinkets, and staffs. I… couldn’t even begin to afford anything here. I feel embarrassed for walking in. The hooded lady looks around, humming some tune idly to herself. “See anything you like?”

Get yourself a nice, comfy, fashionable dress.

>>688461
I bet the shopkeep is actually a dragon and this is how he sells his shed scales.

...wait is she offering to buy you something? Don't assume anything, say you don't have the money to buy anything here, this is... planning for the future, I guess. Find something that offers a little protection while looking like you could wear it around town, and make a note of the price. Also look for anything that looks more like a costume than functional clothing. Maybe... ask if he's got anything like that, if you don't see anything on display.

Then you can go to the not so high class clothing shop.

>>688461
"You sleep with a dragon and she sheds scales regularly, and that's where you get them and can afford to sell them so cheaply."

"Mystery solved!"

>>688460
We can't just keep calling her 'hooded lady' Let's call her Lt. Dan 'cause she's got no legs.

maybe a gamberson, they still kind of looks like normal clothes but offer good protection!

"I like your forehead. Is wery shiny."

OH! Ask the shopkeep if he knows a lot about dragons. Does he know that feeling, where you suddenly have more gold than you've ever had before...? Do dragons feel like that all the time?

>>688475
This. Also what does a dragonscale trinket look like?

>>688463
This. And ask about dragons.

>>688471
She's a girl, Lt. Danielle makes more sense. or we could just ask her name.

Point out a nice vest, but remark that you regret coming in here because you doubt that you can afford any of this stuff.

>Spiders don’t get all cuddly fingers like this.
Isn't cuddly better than scratchy or hairy or creepy or whatever the alternative is?

>“I’ve killed a lot of drow.”
>I'm scared
Yeah but all the mistresses and giant spiders you used to know did too, so are you any worse off?

>what say

>I bet the shopkeep is actually a dragon and this is how he sells his shed scales.
>"I like your forehead. Is wery shiny."
>ask about dragons
Yes, good.

>>688463
Yes, excellent. With dragon-scale sequins.

Say that you like the armour next to the shopkeep, but your funds are quite lacking.

If she offers to buy it for you, politely decline and apologise on the grounds that you don't even know her name.

Apollo 2015/12/14(Mon)01:51 No. 688639 ID: defceb
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>Yeah but all the mistresses and giant spiders you used to know did too, so are you any worse off?
I suppose you’re right. I’ve yet to be injected with horrible pain venoms or been asked to join ‘fun sacrifice party’ as well.

>"I like your forehead. Is wery shiny."
He chuckles and nods in thanks.

>"You sleep with a dragon and she sheds scales regularly, and that's where you get them and can afford to sell them so cheaply."
“Boy if I were sleeping with a dragon I wouldn’t be here right now.”

>OH! Ask the shopkeep if he knows a lot about dragons. Does he know that feeling, where you suddenly have more gold than you've ever had before...? Do dragons feel like that all the time?
He nods sagely. “All that and more. Dragons possess greed far greater than any mortal man can compare, and fury far more violent for anyone who dares to touch their hoard.” He leans closer. “You ever see a shadow blot out the sun, don’t bother running. Find a hole to hide in and pray they choose to ignore you.”

He elbows me in the rib and whispers, “You should give more attention to your lady friend. I think she’s trying to hit on you.”
She’s trying to… hit… on… me?
She’s trying to hit me?
I don’t feel prepared for another fight.