An isolated kobold village.

>You need a place to go. Anywhere where people could swallow your bullshit. Think. Fast. Anywhere.
The government. try to become leader, make new religion the only state mandatory religion.

pip 2019/06/09(Sun)05:13 No. 935226 ID: c914a9
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>>935221
>The government. try to become leader, make new religion the only state mandatory religion.
ENTICING.
But you suppose you're getting a bit too ahead of yourself. Even you have to admit that. One step at a time, man. One step at a time.
Added to the list of long term goals.

>>935220
>An isolated kobold village.
SURPRISING.
You suppose there must be some in the outskirts of the town. Not that you've ever bothered to check.

You ponder carefully on whether or not a tribe of culturally isolated Kobolds would fall for "The Bean".
After a lot of careful pondering, you head to the nearest cave you know of.

pip 2019/06/09(Sun)05:14 No. 935227 ID: c914a9
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You have found some CUTEBOLDS instead. You hope it's good enough. They're the only ones around, apparently.

You're in the OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN, which may be possibly the SHITTIEST PART of your area. You have crossed the Tall Rocks a long time ago. No one can hear you scream past the Tall Rocks, man. No one.

They all look at you inquisitively, in an almost unsettling synchrony. It's like the uncomfortable sensation of having a creepy doll staring at you, except in this case they're actual living creatures, and thus blink every now and then.

You watch as they VIBRATE EXCITEDLY. They seem fairly overwhelmed by your presence, and you aren't sure whether in a good or in a bad way.

INTRODUCE YOURSELF.

Tell them that you're a holy prophet that brings them wisdom with a promise to solve all their problems.

Then do the standard religious introduction that involves promises of life after death, and eternal hell for those that refuse to convert.

Kobolds aren't very smart. do the old thumb removal magic trick. You know the one, the one where you make it look like you remove your left thumb, but it is actually your right thumb while keeping your left thumb hidden in your left hand. make yourself look like a magical healer.

>>935227
Start slow, introducing yourself as a friend before you go full Prophet on them. Ask if you can eat with them for lunch or dinner, and then you'll have an opportunity to learn about them as they let their guard down. Once we think we know who the leaders are, and who is the most susceptible, we can focus on those two groups. When this villages boss and all the sheep follow us everyone else will adopt The Bean quickly. Much faster than trying to convert them one at a time, and much less likely to fail than mass conversion.

Maybe someday we can just wolololo whole crowds.

Tell them that you are traveler who comes from far away and a follower of "The Bean". Make up some bullshit about how it's teachings lead you here and that you wish to stay here and relax for awhile. Don't try to push "the bean" on them right away but but try to keep "the bean" and it's teachings a bit mysterious and have them come to you to learn more. So basically don't outright preach to them but drop enough to seem knowledgeable and mysterious so they come to you willingly to learn more and by "resting" here you have an excuse to stick around and talk about it.

All those who follow the Path granted by Bean will be blessed with pretty rocks!
The first Special Bean Challenge is to go to the river and find a pretty rock.

I hope you're not making your doctrine completely from scratch. It's a lot easier for a heretical splinter sect to gain traction than a brand new heathen religion.

>>935226
No offence meant but you might want to put an epilepsy warning and spoiler that image

pip 2019/06/09(Sun)17:15 No. 935257 ID: c914a9
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>>935232
>Tell them that you are traveler who comes from far away and a follower of "The Bean". Make up some bullshit about how it's teachings lead you here and that you wish to stay here and relax for awhile. Don't try to push "the bean" on them right away but but try to keep "the bean" and it's teachings a bit mysterious and have them come to you to learn more. So basically don't outright preach to them but drop enough to seem knowledgeable and mysterious so they come to you willingly to learn more and by "resting" here you have an excuse to stick around and talk about it.
INTERESTNG.
You suppose that WOULD be the clever approach to it. Hold your horses. Take it easy. Simmer down.
But then again, these ARE Kobolds. You have the feeling you should leave the more intricate manipulation tactics for more complex and well-established societies.
Nevertheless, you take a NOTE of that.
"Slow Approach Lvl 1" + ADDED to SKILLSET.

>>935230
>Kobolds aren't very smart. do the old thumb removal magic trick. You know the one, the one where you make it look like you remove your left thumb, but it is actually your right thumb while keeping your left thumb hidden in your left hand. make yourself look like a magical healer.
ENTICING.
You almost want to try it, but you suppose that would only stick with Kobolds. You don't want them to tell others about your supposed HEALING CAPACITIES. That could lead to some very gruesome outcomes from curious minds.

THEN YOU DO IT ANYWAY.
All the Kobolds VIBRATE OVERWHELMINGLY in what seems like a mixture of responses.

You keep doing it a few more times.
They seem to have the exact same reaction every single time.

"Basic Illusionism Lvl 1" + ADDED TO SKILLSET.


>>935250
>I hope you're not making your doctrine completely from scratch. It's a lot easier for a heretical splinter sect to gain traction than a brand new heathen religion.
WELL, TOO BAD.
You... admittedly did not think of that when you were making The Bean. You suppose you should have considered that factor.
BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW. IT'S DONE. You are NOT letting 5 hours of work put into writing THE BEAN go to waste.

>>935231
>Start slow, introducing yourself as a friend before you go full Prophet on them. Ask if you can eat with them for lunch or dinner, and then you'll have an opportunity to learn about them as they let their guard down. Once we think we know who the leaders are, and who is the most susceptible, we can focus on those two groups. When this villages boss and all the sheep follow us everyone else will adopt The Bean quickly. Much faster than trying to convert them one at a time, and much less likely to fail than mass conversion.
NOTED.
You suppose that could be quite useful. Not that you think you'll need it with these guys, but maybe with future crowds.
"Slow Approach Lvl 2" + ADDED to SKILLSET.

>Maybe someday we can just wolololo whole crowds.
OH BOY, YOU CAN'T WAIT!
Added to list of LONG TERM GOALS.

>>935255
>No offence meant but you might want to put an epilepsy warning and spoiler that image
Whoopsie heckers. I can't edit posts, sadly. If a mod wants to fix that, I'd love it!
Honestly though, this quest will be 3/4 flashing colors. I shoulda put a warning on the top. Oh welp.

tw: flashing colors pip 2019/06/09(Sun)17:18 No. 935258 ID: c914a9
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>>935229
>Tell them that you're a holy prophet that brings them wisdom with a promise to solve all their problems.
PERFECT.
With all the power of BULLSHITTERY invested in you, you tell them about the wonders of THE BEAN.


"BROTHERS AND SISTERS, aren't you tired of being DRAGGED AROUND by bigger WICKED forces?"

"Aren't you tired of your forced NOMADIC ways of life, your VERY POOR SOCIETAL STRUCTURE and your ESTIMATED LIFESPAN DECREASING at a SURPRISINGLY FAST PACE with the newfound diseases that have CURSED THIS LAND? And which were COMPLETELY not spread by your poor hygiene and lack of scientific knowledge, and are by no means your fault?
I HAVE COME TODAY to share with you, my siblings from different mothers, THE SAVING GRACE of the ONE AND ONLY, the WHOLE AND HOLY, HUMBLE and lowly and yet MIGHTY and ETERNAL, OMNISCIENT, OMNIPOTENT AND OMNIBELEVOLENT!

THE BEAN!

THE BEAN is the solution, THE BEAN is the way!
THE BEAN will bring you food and nourihsment, and THE BEAN will bring you growth and progress!
THE BEAN will save your relatives from the fever!
THE BEAN will give your head gentle pets when you're feeling alone at night!

FOR AND I SAY,
"BURY ME IN THE GROUND AND I SHALL SPROUT, AND GIVE LIFE
AND IN THE SAME WAY, IF THEE FALLETH AT MY FEET, SO SHOULD YOU"
"FOR I AM THE GLORY OF LIFE, THE BRINGER OF NOURISHMENT
I AM THE BEAN, AND FROM THE BEAN, EVERYTHING SPROUTS!"

THE BEAN IS THE WAY!"


>Then do the standard religious introduction that involves promises of life after death, and eternal hell for those that refuse to convert.
YOU HAVE NEVER FELT SO POWERFUL.

"Basic Emotional Blackmail" + ADDED TO SKILLSET.

pip 2019/06/09(Sun)17:21 No. 935259 ID: c914a9
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... They don't seem to be into it.
Ah well. Maybe you exaggerated a little.

>>935249
>All those who follow the Path granted by Bean will be blessed with pretty rocks!
>The first Special Bean Challenge is to go to the river and find a pretty rock.
... It's worth a try.


"... And also, find me PRETTY ROCKS.
The, uh... PRETTIER you rock is, the more, uh.... SALVATION you will... uh, achieve."

pip 2019/06/09(Sun)17:25 No. 935260 ID: c914a9
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...
That was... something.

Well, it IS better than nothing. You hope you can come up with a purpose for all the rocks they will bring.


The path into the CAVE is no longer blocked by vibrating Kobolds.
From inside, you can hear the confused voices of what are presumably MORE CUTEBOLDS, as well as the very prominent smell of something burning.

You ponder on whether you should GO IN or TAKE COVER.
You are not currently carrying any kind of WEAPONRY.
The time for pondering is running out. Make your move.

This isn't Goblin Slayer. Enter hole!

>>935260
go in and recruit more CUTEBOLD and see if we can get them to talk and be better more easily controlled followers and not like a machine that we dont have a instruction manual or we can follow our stupid followers so they dont drown and we lose like half of our gullible followers

Just like it was destiny that everything transpired the way it did, it's the destiny of whatever food is in the cave to end in your stomach. Enter; it's lunch time.

Go in the cave. Amass more cutebolds into following THE BEAN.