Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)16:03 No. 354593 ID: c811c4
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Okay, to be fair, most gods only accept some species. So for some sentient beings, they just don't have a lot of options for higher powers! And when your choices are stuck between Chaos, Plague, Superevilbadstuff and Whydon'tyoujustkillyourself, the choice that's right for you can be surprisingly hard. Anyway, I'm an equal opportunity deity! I'll take anyone, even if I'll never get any elves or dwarves or the like!

But I digress. I've gotten a few prayers. I know nothing about them except for their species, gender and what they said to me via the shrine. I'll take care of all of 'em, but you guys can choose which you want to follow yourselves. Don't worry, I'll still do my thing to whoever you don't choose.


First off, here's some gnoll, he seems a bit loopy.

>"God! I'm sicka all these humans trashin' though my desert! I wanna repay 'em! Just me and my buds, an' show 'em what for!"

It's like I'm a divine vending machine to him. Moving on, a kobold kid. Not actually sure of his gender, I can never tell, so I'll refer to him as a boy.
>"Excuse me sir mister I don't know if you can hear me, but a monster took my sister's toy marbles and escaped through this cave! I'm not very strong and I probably have no chance without your help so please!"

Cute. At least he said please. Lastly for the moment, an odd girl. Made of slime. A slime girl. Weird stuff, but hey, Chaos ain't a judger.
>"I can't believe I'm doing this... Um! If you're really there, I need some help. This underground cave is always under attack by lots of people who want its treasures. I wouldn't mind, but they're always messing up our homes, and I should learn how to defend them! If you can help, then in return, I'll be your loyal servant until death."

The gnoll can plead insanity, but I'm just not sure if the other two understand what God of Chaos entails! So how about it, which one would you all like to follow? I'll give the downlow of how giving divine gifts and punishments work after the decision is made.

YUS.

Gnoll. Probably more exciting/violent/chaotic.

Slime girl

>>354593
To the Gnoll, give him a punishment for thinking of you as mercenary. Seriously, you and the Gods as a whole have an image to maintain! You ain't three-dollar whores. So, uh... Replace his arms with tentacles. That'll learn him.


To the second, grant him a little confidence and some strength to back it up. It'll go away as soon as he gets them back, but hey. Chaos ain't mean.

And to the third... Well, slime is a very interesting case, because thematically it aligns with Chaos. I mean, think about it, they're ever-changing protean beings! Tell her you'll give her power if she will be your prophet to the other slimefolk. Just do it through an intermediary, so you don't accidentally splatter her with your righteous voice, or something.

Slime girl! Could be alot of fun things done for there

>>354598
Oh whoops.

Slime girl, in this case. but my advice still applies to all three, we just won't see it happen.

Slime

It would be pretty chaotic to have that underbold kobold suddenly take down that monster! You could have the monster accidentally drop some marbles and trip over them, letting the kobold catch up. And make the kobold trip on the marbles too for good measure.

Kobold, let's rescue the fuck out of those marbles.

>>354593
The gnoll is easy.
Make him a weregirl with hyposexomania and powerful pheromones.
By day he has unbridled urges to seduce women, by night he turns into a woman and has unbridled urges to seduce men.

Any resulting kids are also weregirl/wereboy half-gnolls, but only have hyposexomania once a month on, lets say, the new moon, and the chance of further kids having it from then on goes as a bloodline thing.
They also get love/lust-based regeneration, obviously.

Humans will avoid the desert pretty damn quick.

For the Kobold? Just have it rain marbles, then bonk his sister on the head with her own marbles next time she sleeps.

Slime girl? A loyal servant until death? Shit, turn her into a giant indestructible slime that's gripped with madness but only harms those who would harm those in the cave. That's both!

But if I had to pick only one? Gnoll.

Turn the gnoll and his friends into humans.

Have random marbles appear all around the kobold. Pelt marbles all over the monster too, but all of are rocky and uneven.

Slime followers might be fun. We'll join her, and you give her a touch of chaos power, as befitting one who would serve you.

slimegirl. Treat her right, I say.

I think whatever we do to them, we should do it according to what they wished for. except not in a way they expect. for example, the boldling could get us as help.

Slime girl, but as the cost of her gaining the knowledge to defend her area she becomes aware of the whole clothes thing. That outta spice things up a bit. (Yeah I know where this is coming from but fuck it, it'd be interesting. Besides, might lead to slimegirl engineers. Come on, you know you want to see a slimegirl manning a trebuchet)

Gnoll: Send him and his friends to the gates of the nearest human city. Watch them get their asses handed to them.

Kobold: Drop the marbles on him.

Slime: Give the humans the treasure, then place some big nasty predator at the entrance to the cave.

Take your pick.

>>354611
This.

Follow the slime girl.

Give the Gnoll the ability to turn any human he bites into a gnoll. The human gains the knowledge that the only way to turn back is to do something suitably chaotic to appease you.

Give the kobold the power to kill any thief with a look.
If he ever steals anything himself he'll die.
He can also only talk in rhymes.

Give the slime the ability to create pure terror in anyone. But every now and again instead of scaring them the ability makes them fall madly in love with her.

Hey Tom, Can we have an official title since we are serving the legitimate God of Chaos? How about The Advisers of Chaos?

>>354626
I've got it. 'Tom's Guides of Chance'.
We can shorten it to TG-Chan.

>>354593
Kobold. Anything but the slime girl.

Slime girl!

We must assist the slime!

First of all, let's follow the slime girl. She seems nice, and as others have said, is a living embodiment of chaos. Also, Tom/Devourer/Duke/Chaos God/ Whatever, you now seem to have a permanent smile. Little bit more than before, I mean. I mean, looking at previous pictures of you before you became a full god, you had the same permanent smile, but this time it's more... Happy and broken... Anyways, ideas for people... Gnoll: Ugh, don't like him. I'm jus going t skip him and let you other advice souls decide Kobold: Have the monster constantly pelted with marbles until he gives the ones he stole back. Then turn him into a marble statue! OR her, whatever works. As for the slime girl, I have no idea how to give her power, but once you do, Please tell her not to go telling everyone in he world to support the Chaos God. One alive follower is better than 5 dead ones, trust me.

Haven't fucked with a slime before. I mean haven't helped a slime before.

>>354646
This should count as several negative votes towards the slime girl.

Let's try the slime girl for something new. We've spent enough time with kobolds and gnolls.

Holy crap thank god I decided to wake up early today.

I'll choose the slime girl too, for the sake of something new.

1/5 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)18:48 No. 354653 ID: c811c4
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Sounds like it's a slime girl focus! Since you guys gave some ideas for the gnoll and cutebold, let's give them quick little solutions.

2/5 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)18:48 No. 354654 ID: c811c4
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The gnoll gets tentacle arms, but they're strong and, well, flexible! He can now fight better while being gawked at.

>"WHAT THE F-"

3/5 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)18:48 No. 354655 ID: c811c4
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The kobold finds that raining marbles is a bit painful.

>"AHHHHH THANK YOU MISTER GOD OF CHAOS!"

Cute. I'll continue their treatment on my own.

For you guys, the main subject.

4/5 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)18:49 No. 354656 ID: c811c4
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Slime girl!

>>354647
Haha even if that did count as several negative votes, she'd still win! Let's not get too raunchy now. I may be the Chaos God, but that doesn't mean I don't have any taste! Doesn't mean I have a lot, either.

Alright! There are only two real rules I was given for now, lest I follow the path of my predecessor.

#1. I can only directly affect my servant. So, while I could mutate my subjects, I can't mutate people around them! The exception to this rule is if I give her Chaos Magic. She'll have to learn it, and it would become her choice to use it. Though what it does can be up to us! Details of this sort of magic will come up later.
#2. I can't talk to my servant freely. I can do one message per day! It has to be a relatively simple one. It could be a question, too. The more piety she's got, the more we can send more messages and more complex ones. And no, I asked, I can't game the system by sending her items with writing on it. Anyways, if she lives long enough (that'll take a lot of good luck), we may yet be able to hold a conversation with her.

The next part isn't a rule so much as a guideline: I get my sustenance by Chaos in the world. It's like my paycheck. Yet, I do have finite power. It shouldn't be a problem for single cases, but I can't just give super glowswords of Iwin to everyone that looks nicely at my shrine! The goal here: get my servant to make chaos. If they do something real clever that messes things up for anyone, then that'll give me a good reason to give them a real nice item. If they purposefully let things settle, they should get a punishment! Since I can't talk to them directly, it'll be like training a pet dog or something. Positive or negative reinforcement, that's the key!

Now I know, I know, the slime girl looks all nice and some of you guys will want to help her to no end, and I'm cool with that for the most part, but do think of Tom now and again and his duties! Play our cards right, and she'll be able to get her dungeon defended while sewing chaos!

5/5 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)18:50 No. 354657 ID: c811c4
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And sure why not, you guys are now the Advisors of Chaos.

>"Oh, please give me a sign you've heard me, if it isn't too troublesome for you!"

I'm as new to this as you guys are. Shoot some ideas, and I'll see what I can do.

>>354657
Have the eyes turn a soft blue.

Now, as for her message:

"I will grant you power, if you shall spread my name and word among your people." Pretty simple!

And then we give her KAY-OOOOOS magic.

>>354657
Hmm, a sign? Make the little statue of you wiggle about then wink.

>>354657
Burst into treats.

>>354659
Don't forget that we want her to spread chaos too. If she understands that it'll be easier to get our paycheck.

Well, I suppose we should start with asking her for her name and her numbe- I mean, What she would like to wield to defend her cave thingy, magic? physical strength?

And well, if you can give her Chaos magic, maybe you can give her a simple rod?

"Yep! Prayers heard and all that. It's dangerous to go alone, take these advisors as a present! Now go be a good little slime and mess with them adventurers, 'kay?"

Give her the ability to grow crystals of meth (or the herb equivalent) like a crop. If that doesn't inject some chaos into the world, your fate was futile to begin with.

have a black slug crawl out of the mouth of the statue and into her hands.

because your tongues look like black slugs.

Also, give her a giant potato peeler. Why? Who knows! It could be useful somehow! Or not!

>>354660
>>354676
Also these.

>>354659
This, but with red eyes instead. And make her all of her people to worship you. Give all the ones that do the ability to force enemies into madness.

We should totally have chaos magic perform a random magical feat when it is cast. That would be fuck-awesome.

Make her taste like tacos!
... Maybe I should eat before suggesting stuff

>>354680
>>354682

No wait, combine these and give her a spell that turns her into/pelts people with tacos! :3

Might as well let her know what she is getting into, you know, "My blessings often have unexpected effects, disciple, do you wish for one?" Chaos doesn't have to be random, just as long as it is a chance for change.

>>354685


pshyeah right. don't. she shoulda thought about it before she asked help from the god of chaos.

>>354659
Or rather have them turn the color she is and glow. Maybe make a flickering aura too. Nice and subtle but still stylin'. As for a message, let's set the tone and have a bit of fun with it. Get her in the right state of mind.

"Haha! You desire to serve me? Very well! But Chaos does nothing for the stagnant, you must flow wild and free! Amuse me, surprise me, and you will gain my blessings! I'll send my Advisers to get you started. You all have fun now, kiddo~"

1/4 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)19:38 No. 354698 ID: c811c4
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>Burst into treats
I need these shrines, you know! But she can have one.

"I will grant you power! If you spread my name and word and actually mostly just Chaos. Don't stagnate! Amuse me and don't forget about me not like you'll be able to. Do well, and you'll be very strong! Also you can cast a tiny little bit of chaos magic now. Have this, it's dangerous to go alone!"

We can ask her if she wants a random effect later. That's about the extent of a single message for now.

>Rod given, as well as treat and potato peeler and a slug.
Hic
I don't even know what food is good for slimes, but oh well!

2/4 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)19:38 No. 354699 ID: c811c4
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>"Oh, thank you thank you! I love slugs! I'll be sure to practice and practice right after this nap!"

Wait, what. She didn't say she was lazy! Well, fine. Anyways, ability to grow drugs or herbs is a little bit strong for her at the moment! Let's see what kind of character she is before trusting her with my powers.

A potato peeler is enough randomity for the time. We need not overdose her with things that we'll probably never see again.

>>354680
That's exactly what her level 1 spell is. A random, though minor, effect.

By the way, I can't send you guys to her! Well, not yet. God silence and all. We've got to encourage her though actions! I guuuuuessss we can wait for her nap.

3/4 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)19:38 No. 354700 ID: c811c4
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.......

....... she sleeps for a long time.

4/4 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)19:39 No. 354701 ID: c811c4
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.... What part of don't stagnate did I make unclear?!

Turn water in bucket into fireworks.
Launch fireworks.
Have them spell 'Wake Up' on the ceiling in burn marks.

How long is "a long time"? Hours? Minutes? if it's the latter, be patient Tom, good naps are awesome and should be respected!

If not, pelt her with eggs to wake her up.

>>354701
Make her a normal-girl.

Have her skin/etc be acid resistant. And then have her sweat acid.

Slime eh? Hmm, I think salt would be too big of a punishment...for now, at least.

Make acid proof fish and put them in her.

Let's not be too hard on her, I think it's just a slime thing. I think our next boon to her will be the ability to need less sleep.

Lets be subtle and low energy, send her restlessness and wild dreams. She... does dream, right? Damn we don't know a thing about these people yet. If nothing else works make her wiggle vigorously, she should notice that.

Make her start itching.

Followers sleeping? There is an obvious solution:
Sleepwalking!

>>354713
That is just too evil.

Make a loud sound to wake her up.

>>354701
We don't know how long she traveled to get to your shrine. Also, falling asleep immediately after being given divine instruction is far from expected.
Wait until she wakes up and finishes her morning routine, then have a bunch of illusionary clocks appear and go off at the same time in a recreation of the opening scene to Back to the Future.

depends on how long it's been. 1 hour is the limit. after that then yeah, acid proof fish swimming in her is a good idea.

1/4 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)20:24 No. 354729 ID: c811c4
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Salt! Yes, we should keep that in mind for when she really screws the pooch. Or when she doesn't, actually.

It's been long enough! Fireworks! Alarm clocks!

crackacrackacrackacrackacrackacrackacrackacrack

>"NNyrrrggg.."

2/4 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)20:25 No. 354730 ID: c811c4
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GONGGG GONGGG GONGGG

>"Ahhhhh?!"

3/4 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)20:25 No. 354732 ID: c811c4
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>"AHHHHH OH NO I overslept I'm sorry I'm sorry!"

4/4 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)20:26 No. 354733 ID: c811c4
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There she goes! She's gotten to work. And someone else is there.

>"Oh, Muo, there you are. What are you doing? You don't know any magic." the other one says.
>"I do too! I went to the shrine of the Chaos God!" our subject, apparently Muo, says.
>"You what?! You know that's forbidden, and with good reason! He'll get you killed!"
>"Nuh uh. He's already helped a lot! I can cast a simple spell already! Here, look!" Muo says.

Casted: Level 1 Random Effect

Okay, that's our cue! Remember, this spell is only level one. You can say something major, but chances are it'll fail. This will give you a good idea of how powerful it is not.

>>354733
Butterflies. right in her doubting friend's face!

(Oh, and Tom, how's Minci doing?)

>>354733
TRANSMUTE ROCK TO VEGEMITE!

>>354733
Bowl of strawberry-banana swirl pudding appears. Over Muo's head. Pudding side down.

Level 1 Summon: Burrito.

Yes! A massive swarm of giant butterflies!
Also, glowfish sounds tasty.

>>354733
Turn Slime Child into MASCULINE CHINNED HUMAN

>>354735
The fish are gone, but the slug could glow...

Or she could glow.

>>354733
We shouldn't make a habit of this kind of thing but lets drop a bit of info to let them know you aren't that old asshole. After all if we want to be popular among slimes we should have a better impression on them, right?

Here's what we do: Make a little illusion of the old chaos god, looking all mean and stupid stuff. Then from the end of his tail your happier and nicer face appears, and eats the other head off. Then a smile wink and giggle off.

Levitate the other slime person and make her(?) spin rapidly.

A pencil appears!

>>354748
Seems like an idea that will probably weird them out a bit. Go for it.

Hair into snakes.

Have the spell shoot out confetti! Only the confetti is actually very tin flakes of gold and silver, so that there's just enough there to buy a nice meal or something.

Give the other slime person a regrowing Afro.

Butterflies

>>354763
Changing vote to this, it's useful and pathetic at the same time.

Summon dancing imp.

Summon Roman Candle projectiles. Nothing is more random than glowing explosive balls flying along random trajectories.

1/2 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)21:19 No. 354787 ID: c811c4
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Votes will mostly be followed by majority- so, if you find an idea you like, you're encouraged to Second it.

Minci is doing quite well, thanks for asking!

>Butterflies
poof

>"Gah! Get serious! You said you were going to help us thwart all the adventurers looting our stuff! You're going to do that with butterflies?!"
>"W... well, you are eating them..."
>"That doesn't help!"
>"He gave me a potato peeler!"
>"A pota-what?! Let me know when we're attacked by potatoes!"

2/2 Tom 2011/10/01(Sat)21:19 No. 354788 ID: c811c4
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>"I-I guess your right. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea..."

Uh oh, we're losing her. Here, let me explain the pair of concepts up there to you guys. On the left is the current chaos she's spread. If she gets enough, she'll be able to get more power from me! The one on the right is her piety, though it could be called loyalty or friendliness as well. It can be a bit of a tradeoff, as she may not like how I get her to spread said chaos. No one says she has to like me, but she has to get higher piety if we want to talk to her more. And if she hates me, then.. well, she might denounce her faith or something crazy! And on the other hand, if we're too nice, she may not spread enough to get strong enough to defend her home.

So, in short, a particularly harsh punishment might get her to really move and do her job, but she certainly won't like it.

Well for now, we have to encourage her.

Let's get her to cast a spell again, this time, the effect will cause a stalagmite in the cave to shatter in a tiny blast.

If there are any butterflies remaining make them explode in a bright burst of light

Ka boom go butterflies

all butterflies start doubling until the room is made entirely of butterflies. then they all vanish in a burst of light.

>>354788
Hmm. So, ideally we would do chaotic things that she likes BUT won't baby her. Especially if the reason for the chaotic thing is her casting a spell.

Well, you heard her friend. Smack her with a potato.

>>354788
Drop a tempest in a teacup on her head.
If it gets tipped over then the tempest will spread outwards to cover the floor, with an inch of salt water on the bottom, then an inch of airgap, then two inches of clouds. Lighting everywhere in the thing. It lasts until the cup is righted with at least some of the storm inside it.
If it breaks it'll spin around the nearest thing while hitting it with annoying-grade bolts of lighting and soaking it. Lasts about, oh, lets say, two minutes.
If sipped then it tastes like blue/green, does absolutely nothing to the drinker's hydration level, and contains an unlimited amount of tempest.
The teacup can never be more than five meters from her.

So, how are the other contestants doing?

+ to Butterflies explode.

>>354796
I like this idea. Only with more nearly smother them to death in it.

Make the butterflies able to consume stuff in a flash of fury and teeth, rather like a butterfly locust. That she can mildly control