The Archivist 2018/01/26(Fri)19:45 No. 862158 ID: 67456a
File 151702473469.png - (65.07KB , 1000x1000 , Screen 2.png )

"Well, seems like she'd prefer life to death here. So, yknow, no skin off my bones."

"Guess her afterlife's pretty miserable. Makes sense considering what she did, but yikes..."

"...huh, guess she's a bit feisty. Which, again, makes sense, but you'd never guess seeing her on the slab..."

The Archivist 2018/01/26(Fri)19:47 No. 862160 ID: 67456a
File 151702485750.png - (126.66KB , 1000x1000 , Screen 3.png )

"So, she's never seen another alien? Weird. I thought humans had, like, billions of movies about things from outer space..."

"And, uh, I guess she doesn't like people too much? Again, makes sense, if our notes are correct..."

"...their intelligence? That's their greatest trait? Huh. Better than the fifteenth "subjugating our enemies" in a row, I guess."

"Well, lady, it's time to wake up. It's a whole new day. It's a whole new you..."

The Archivist 2018/01/26(Fri)19:51 No. 862161 ID: 67456a
File 151702507732.png - (34.29KB , 1000x1000 , Screen 4.png )

"It's a whole new Space NEET..."

------------------

When you wake up, you are naked and cold, covered only by a thin, rough sheet. You can feel cold metal against your back, and your entire body is sore, as if you'd been hit by a car or something.

At the moment, you appear to be in an operating theatre. A circular room, with the table you lie upon in the center, surrounded by dozens of seats for spectators to watch any procedures you may have undergone while you were out.

You do not remember how you got here. You do not remember who you are. You do not know if you are in danger or not. You are not bound in any way, and could easily leave the table if you so chose. Craning your head, you see a pair of doors leading out.

What do you do?

Wear sheet, exit room.

We don't remember who we are?

>>Retrieve legs so we can walk to the doors.

Retrieve arms from chest. Wear the sheet. Become the ghost you always knew you could be.

The Archivist 2018/01/26(Fri)20:33 No. 862194 ID: 67456a
File 151702763484.png - (9.77KB , 1000x1000 , Uplifter.png )

>>862170
What? You've still got your legs. They're right here!

...and, as you examine yourself, you notice the stitches that indicate that they were sewn back onto your body. In multiple places. How'd that happen?

>>862172
You've got arms too, silly. They're mostly intact. Covered in bruises, though.

>>862169
You wrap the sheet around yourself in some semblance of modesty...

You wake up in the same old bed you've woken up in for the past year. You barely bother to put on some underwear as you begin your morning routine. Why bother? You're the only one here...

You recoil a bit as a memory arrives, unbidden. Apparently whatever amnesia you have may be temporary. Shaking your head, you step through the doors, which swing open easily. Your bare feet are cold against the floor beneath you, some sort of linoleum, apparently.

As you look around, you hear a voice from beyond you, slightly high-pitched. You whirl around, and a figure in an obscuring black robe and white mask sort of... waddles towards you, speaking a language you don't understand...

And then, as it keeps talking, it all becomes clearer and clearer. Your mind picking up on recurring syllables, the inflections, the tone, all of it arranges itself into a full picture in your mind.

You realize that, after five seconds of simply hearing this thing speak, you've essentially become fluent in its language.

"-EET! You're awake! How joyous! We'd sorta thought you'd be asleep forever, honestly, but here you are! Up and about and covering your weird, squishy body like we even remotely care."

You blink. This thing is very obviously not hostile. Or, at least, not openly so. And judging from its lack of outward anxiety, it's obviously either a resident here, or simply someone who knows they aren't in danger.

"Uh, Space NEET? Hello? You're kinda quiet. Everything alright?"

You should probably try and ask this... thing... a few questions. Or just make a break for it. You have no idea who this is, or what they're capable of. The choice is yours.

What do you do?

>>862194
Okay, ask what this place is, who they are, and why they keep calling you Space NEET.

>>862194
Introduce yourself and tell it your name

The Archivist 2018/01/27(Sat)00:24 No. 862256 ID: 67456a
File 151704147657.png - (39.09KB , 1000x1000 , Samsa.png )

>>862221
You go to tell this figure your name and find...

Huh. You... can't remember your name. You have the funniest feeling about that. Almost... relief?

>>862197

You: "So, wait, who the hell are you?"

The figure's mask shifts as if it were their real face, taking on a cheerful expression.

Samsa: "I am Samsa, Space NEET! I am the man responsible for bringing you back from the dead!"

You: "I... died?"

Samsa: "Oh, yes. You were in a shuttle, in the orbit of this planet. And our pilot fucked right up, and we crashed right into it! We were fine, but your ship... exploded.

You: "...am I really supposed to be comforted by this?"

Samsa: "Well, you're alive now!!! We put you back together, and we made you better!"

Subconsciously, you realize your mind is beginning to pick apart data from the entity in front of you. Gauging mannerisms, dissecting earlier statements, even pulling forth information you have no way of knowing but can tell is cold-hard fact.

You: "...so, why are you calling me Space NEET? That's a bit rude."

Samsa: "It's a codename, NEET! It stands for "Space: Newest Experiment, Explicitly Temporary"! It was what we named you while we were reviving you, 'cause we didn't know your name!"

You: "...do you know it now?"

Samsa: "Nope!"

Before you can figure out more questions to ask, Samsa turns around and starts waddling down the hallway.

Samsa: "Come with me, NEET! Now that you're awake, you gotta meet the other Paragons!!!"

What do you do?

>>862256
well come with him, obviously.

>>862256
Not much choice! Go ahead and follow him.

>>862256
You can put NEET back together but you can't make a pair of pants? Let's get some real clothes before we meet the neighbors.

What is the context of "explicitly temporary"?

1/2 The Archivist 2018/01/27(Sat)20:01 No. 862543 ID: 67456a
File 151711207097.png - (17.17KB , 1000x1000 , ArmorGet1.png )

>>862432
You: "Yeah, not without some clothes. I'm gonna put my foot down here."

Samsa rolls his... eye-holes, you guess, as if you're being totally unreasonable.

Samsa: "What is it with you guys and clothes? The Postman was the same way. 'Where's my bag? Why am I naked? What did you do with my gun???' Such a whiner. You two'll get along great."

Regardless, his robe fidgets a bit, and a jumpsuit in your size just sorta... falls out of it. You tell Samsa to turn around, which he does, and you quickly dress yourself.

Samsa: "You done? You don't gotta empty that weird bladder thing or ask me for the exact same jumpsuit in a different color?"

You scowl, but follow him down the hall regardless.

Demand undergarments too. Proper support is important.

The Archivist 2018/01/27(Sat)20:15 No. 862550 ID: 67456a
File 151711294792.png - (54.68KB , 1000x1000 , Tobias.png )

>>862543
You follow Samsa down the hallway while he jabbers on about how glad he is you're awake, and how he can't wait to introduce you to the other Paragons and also by the way he's still really sorry about that whole "killing you" thing.

Even with your brain's new ability to process information, it all kinda turns into a blur of words after a little while, and eventually the two of you step into what appears to be a small lounge.

The entities in the room can only be described as aliens. 3 fucking aliens, one reading a book, and two chatting in a language you're too far away to pick up on.

The one reading a book looks up as the two of you enter. He resembles, essentially, an anthropomorphic raccoon, wearing a jumpsuit like yours and what appears to be a charred postman's cap. He stands and approaches the both of you. He begins speaking in a language that's mostly various screeches and clicks, but once again your brain fills in the gaps and you understand him immediately.

???: "-he new guy, huh? They were saying we'd have some fresh blood soon."

He extends one of his hands to you, smiling widely, while Samsa goes to apparently get the attention of the other two aliens.

???: "Technically, I'm supposed to be The Postman. But you can call me Tobias."

What do you do?

Wave and say hello. Apologise for not taking their hand. It just doesn't seem wise to engage in physical contact until you know the customs. Who knows when someone's idea of a greeting is to devour one another's limbs to scan for genetic compatibility... We are, umm, we don't quite recall our name, or our profession, we were flying a ship though, weren't we? So we must be a pilot? Or explorer or something?

Extend your hand as well, see if you can predict what his handshake will be like.

“Hello. First, I’m going to say a superfluous sentence or two - this one included - to hopefully get you acquainted with my language before I launch into anything I actually don’t want you missing. I hope this doesn’t make me look like a huge nerd... Anyways, the pleasure is mine, Tobias.” Shake his hand. “Sorry if I’m wrong about what you were going for with this. It’s what’s acceptable in my culture, and it’s my best guess at what to do here.” Stop shaking it. “I’m being called NEET, but I’d rather I wasn’t, so let’s just go with Natalie as my best guess for what my name actually was. And finally, I’m not sure why I interpreted ‘SKEEE*ck*ck*’ as ‘Tobias,’ but then, you’re probably interpreting the same thing the other way around. Chalk it up to a mystery of the universe, I guess. Also, sorry if I’ve been talking your ear off. This is all new to me, and I might not be past the initial ‘blind panic’ phase just yet.”

The Archivist 2018/01/28(Sun)17:55 No. 862839 ID: 67456a
File 151719095001.png - (20.90KB , 1000x1000 , Talktalktalk.png )

>>862565
You decide not to shake his hand, and instead offer a friendly wave.

NEET: "Sorry. Can't quite tell what you were going for there. Cultural differences, yknow?

Tobias: "Fair, fair."

NEET: "Anyhow, uh, I don't actually remember my name, but people are calling me Space NEET so... just NEET works."

Tobias: "A 'Noncombatant, Evidently: Expect Trouble'? Huh, didn't know Earthlings had those too!"

NEET: "...hm."
>>862674

NEET: "So, uh, Tobias? I can hardly expect that's your actual name, right? Maybe a translation error?"

Tobias: "Not sure what you mean! You're speaking fluent Orphian right now. Didn't think humans knew that, but it's pretty neat!"

NEET: "...hm. Well, what does your name mean, then?"

Tobias: "God is Good, actually."

Okay, so, what you're apparently discovering is that not only are you now capable of understanding languages effortlessly after a few seconds of hearing them, you ALSO know them well enough that your mind automatically provides substitutions for words that can't easily be translated into English.

You are more confused than ever.

Tobias: "So, apparently you Earthlings have never actually met aliens before? You're doing a good job with this, all things considered!"

He smiles widely, then glances over to the others. Samsa is yelling at a woman with blue skin, massive red eyes, and a white robe, while a lizard person in yet another jumpsuit clings to the wall, apparently startled by both your arrival and Samsa's annoyance.

Tobias: "I... think they're a bit busy right now. Think we should go break it up?"

“Prolly not the first time they’ve dealt with this. If they can’t handle it themselves, then I guess we should be really worried.”
...
“Anyways, I guess I’m adapting quickly because my brain is really, really fast at processing information now. Like, I literally figured out your language after hearing it for the first time coming out of you. You’re basically speaking English now, from my perspective. And before you ask; no, I wasn’t able to do this before I apparently died.”
...
“Also, did you die too? Is that what links the ‘Paragons’? ‘Cause my superhuman processing is telling me that you have enhanced physical and mental capacities from before too. Or are your ‘improvements’ different from mine somehow?”

1/2 The Archivist 2018/01/31(Wed)10:20 No. 863559 ID: 67456a
File 151742283916.png - (17.70KB , 1000x1000 , A Diagram.png )

>>862876
NEET: "Well, I mean, I'm basically understanding everything way faster than I used to. I basically learned your language as soon as you started speaking it."

NEET: "And, no. Humans are not usually capable of this. But to me, you're basically speaking perfect English."

Tobias: "Huh."

NEET: "So, like, did you die, too? Is this a recurring thing, for Paragons?"

The raccoon nods. He unzips his jumpsuit slightly, exposing a large scar over his heart. After a moment, your mind identifies it as buckshot.

Tobias: "I think we all did. Apparently someone shot me on my day off, and the Uplifters found me like that. They more or less repaired my body, then brought my soul back."
Tobias: "Apparently, though, Paragons all get different powers depending on... well, something. Species, I think they said."

2/2 The Archivist 2018/01/31(Wed)10:25 No. 863561 ID: 67456a
File 151742315831.png - (44.54KB , 1000x1000 , Aleksandra.png )

As you two continue talking, one of the other aliens approaches you, joining the conversation. You glance over, and see Samsa nudging the lizardman with a broom. The blue-skinned girl speaks in a language that sounds like singing, and the translation kicks in.

Aleksandra: "-orry about that. Samsa said we were being rude and then a whole argument started. Roger should be with us shortly."

She withdraws a hand from her robe, making some gesture with the scaly, taloned digits.

Aleksandra: "Peace be with you, and may the one million guide your steps."

NEET: "Uh, you too. I'm Space NEET."

Aleksandra: "Neonatal Emmisary, Exceptionally Talented? Odd. I hadn't heard of new additions to our clergy."

NEET: "I can't be the only one thinking this is getting old, right?"

What do you do?

“I can’t believe explaining this is already getting old after just two people, but here goes; the Humans’ Paragon Power is - or what it’s going to be, thanks to me I guess - is that of analytical cognizance with such speed and power as to approach omniscience. Like, I literally picked up your language in seconds. Kinda scary, actually.”

“Also, if you need a study-buddy for brushing up on the other 999,990 gods, you got one in me. Assuming I’ve got nothing else going on at the moment. Or we can just play video games and chill. Tobias mostly just likes to take baths to unwind, and that’s not exactly a group activity where I’m from, so unless what’s-his-face the lizard guy - Roger? - likes eurogaming or something, you’re about it for liesure activities, assuming we can even find a console around here.”

“Actually - Hey Tobias, what do you like to do other than be the perfect employee and take baths? I’m assuming we’re not getting a range to hit, so to speak, so uh... you like video games?”

(I’m assuming Tobias can’t understand a word we’re saying when we’re addressing Aleksandra in her native tongue.)