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File 140710690186.jpg - (121.91KB , 1200x627 , 321jpg (6).jpg )
587833 No. 587833 ID: c64fda

Expand all images
>>
No. 587834 ID: 186341

Get the big penis
>>
No. 587835 ID: 186341
File 140710747510.png - (8.07KB , 960x540 , New canvas.png )
587835

your penis is tiny
oh my god

what do u do
>>
No. 587836 ID: dc9b7e

visit the url
>>
No. 587837 ID: f839a9

>>587835
Apply to all the penis enlargement spam you can. One of them must have the answer, right?

If this fails, you'll need a penis transplant. All you need to do is find a black market doctor and an appropriate 'donor'.
>>
No. 587840 ID: 186341
File 140710784701.png - (8.83KB , 960x540 , 2.png )
587840

You visit the url

A man comes out of your screen

HEY
>>
No. 587842 ID: 186341
File 140710786940.png - (9.39KB , 960x540 , 3.png )
587842

HEY

DO YOU WANT A BIGGER PENIS? I CAN TAKE YOU TO A BIGGER PENIS

YOU HAVE TO GET ON MY BOAT
>>
No. 587843 ID: f839a9

>>587842
...I'll do anything. Where's your boat.
>>
No. 587844 ID: dc4b80

He looks trustworthy go for it.

Make sure you bring a life vest. Safety first.
>>
No. 587845 ID: 2fd516

>>587842
How did you do that?
>>
No. 587848 ID: 186341
File 140710814635.png - (9.07KB , 960x540 , 4.png )
587848

how did you do that? you ask

YOU DID, YOU TINY DICK GAY DWEEB. YOU CLICKED MY URL!!! DO YOU WANT TO GET ON MY BOAT?

anything, you say. anything. god my penis is so small. it's hormones. ive considered suicide. please.

OK SLICK he says. IT'S A SKYBOAT.

He takes you to his skyboat and takes off.

HEY SLICK. SLICKEROONI. HERE WE ARE. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY SKYBOAT?
>>
No. 587849 ID: 37aa84

Make him clarify that he'll be taking you to a place where your penis will be made bigger and not taking you to see some other guys bigger penis.
>>
No. 587850 ID: 2fd516

>>587848
The skyboat looks like a huge penis; you're okay with this.
>>
No. 587851 ID: 37aa84

You think it looks vaguely phallic.
>>
No. 587852 ID: f839a9

It's fantastic! You love that it looks like a giant flying phallus.
>>
No. 587853 ID: 40935b

that's a big boat, damn you must be all rich and shit
>>
No. 587854 ID: 186341
File 140710837832.png - (8.70KB , 960x540 , 5.png )
587854

this is a big boat. it looks a little phallic. that's ok. i like it.

FOR THAT I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU THE FIRST MATE OF MY BOAT!!

HERE'S A HAT!! FIRST MATE!
>>
No. 587855 ID: 186341
File 140710843473.png - (8.69KB , 960x540 , 6.png )
587855

where are we going? are you showing me a big dick or making my dick bigger?

I DON'T KNOW!
DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE PHALLOMANCER'S PHORBIDDEN TOWER OR THE PLAINS OF FORESKYNNE? THEY'RE HAUNTED
>>
No. 587856 ID: 37aa84

So what are the first mates responsibilities?
>>
No. 587857 ID: 37aa84

Plains sounds good
>>
No. 587859 ID: f839a9

Go for the tower. Towers have more phallic power than planes. We need every bit you can get.
>>
No. 587860 ID: dc4b80

The tower sound more phallic go for it.
>>
No. 587861 ID: e06dcb

Tower!!! definitely tower!!!
>>
No. 587862 ID: 2fd516

>>587855
Phallomancer seems more likely to solve the penis problem.

On the other hand... ghost dick? I can't decide.
>>
No. 587863 ID: 186341
File 140710882107.png - (9.36KB , 960x540 , 7.png )
587863

um um tower, you say.

OK

what are my responsibilities as first mate? you ask.

He bolts his head around to face you and gets crazy close.


....


....


....

PENIS, he whispers.
>>
No. 587864 ID: 186341
File 140710882727.png - (11.20KB , 960x540 , 8.png )
587864

There is a huge roar afar. He turns.

HARK!!! A PHALLOBEAST!!!!

WHAT WOODEN MANHOOD APPROACHES ME BY AIR, shrieks the Phallobeast. WHO DARES WAVE THEIR SKYWARD SCHLONG AT I, PHALLOBEAST

WHAT DO WE DO, FIRST MATE???? the man asks.
>>
No. 587865 ID: e06dcb

...kill it
>>
No. 587866 ID: 2fd516

>>587864
IT IS I, THE MAN WITH THE TINIEST PENIS! VIEW MY SHAME AND DESPAIR!
(at this point, show your dick to it)
>>
No. 587867 ID: 40935b

RAMMING SPEEEEEEED
>>
No. 587869 ID: 186341
File 140710931632.png - (13.06KB , 960x540 , 19.png )
587869

it is i!!! you wheedle. the man with the tiny penis!!!!
you pull down your drawers.

WHEEEE, the man howls. He pushes the wheel down and the wooden cockship plunges into the Phallosaur's eye

AUGHGRHG CURSE YOU
>>
No. 587870 ID: 186341
File 140710935929.png - (12.71KB , 960x540 , 9.png )
587870

KILL! HUZZAH!!

SMALL DICK SLICK!!! DO YOU WANT A SWORD OR A GUN!!
>>
No. 587871 ID: 2fd516

Give me a sword! I require maximum compensation!
>>
No. 587872 ID: 37aa84

>>587870
Gun, preferably a Blunderbuss or equally long phallic gun.
>>
No. 587873 ID: 40935b

YES.
>>
No. 587877 ID: dc4b80

Both. I have so much to compensate for.
>>
No. 587878 ID: 186341
File 140710984256.png - (187.79KB , 960x540 , 10.png )
587878

sword!!! to compensate!!!!

HOLLA @TCHA, he screams, and the two of you dive into the Phalloworm's ruined eyesocket.
You batter away the flitting, razor antibodies as your captain empties the blunderbuss into the monster's brain.

DIE, PHALLOSAUR!!! DIE!!!!!
>>
No. 587879 ID: 186341
File 140710987163.png - (73.29KB , 960x540 , 11a.png )
587879

He tucks you under his arm and leaps from the dying bonerbeast.

HI HO
>>
No. 587880 ID: 186341
File 140710990786.png - (10.54KB , 960x540 , 11.png )
587880

You survey the carnage.

AND HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET TO THE TOWER NOW. The captain folds his arms. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW.
>>
No. 587881 ID: 37aa84

Did the Phalobeast have any young we could tame into mounts?
>>
No. 587882 ID: 2839a0

feast on the innards of the Phalobeast under the desperate hope it will make your dongers raised-er.
>>
No. 587883 ID: 40935b

punch it really hard so it spits out the boat
>>
No. 587884 ID: e06dcb

...ask what your captain's name is.
>>
No. 587885 ID: 186341
File 140711026749.png - (9.03KB , 960x540 , 12.png )
587885

does it have any kids we can use as a mount?


The captain's head snaps around 180 degrees.

BRILLIANT!!!!! I KNOW I MADE THE GUY WITH THE EXTRA BELLY BUTTON FIRST MATE FOR A REASON!!!!
>>
No. 587886 ID: 186341
File 140711030826.png - (10.81KB , 960x540 , 13.png )
587886

what's your real name? you ask


he gets real close again

....

.....

......

BIGGER PENIS IN 14 DAYS, he says.


FOR FREE.
>>
No. 587887 ID: 37aa84

extra...bellybutton?
>>
No. 587888 ID: 186341
File 140711036954.png - (10.52KB , 960x540 , 14.png )
587888

ONWARD!!!!!!!!!! TO THE TOWER!!!!!!!!!!

END OF PART ONE LMAO U CANT DELETE THIS NOW I'M A MOD
>>
No. 587895 ID: 036ba1

>>587887
His dick is so tiny it looks like an extra bellybutton. It's from a song.
>>
No. 587900 ID: 61da19

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!!!

...

What!? It's not working!? It's too powerful!
>>
No. 588068 ID: 186341
File 140718902263.png - (9.72KB , 960x540 , 15.png )
588068

LOOK
>>
No. 588069 ID: 186341
File 140718904068.png - (6.34KB , 960x540 , 16.png )
588069

THE TOWER OF THE PHALLOMANCER

WHAT DO YOU THINK, DUDE????
>>
No. 588070 ID: 53ba34

it is an exquisite big stone erection
>>
No. 588071 ID: 2fd516

>>588069
...It doesn't look like a dick? It's a pretty cool tower actually.
>>
No. 588073 ID: 186341
File 140718938942.png - (8.31KB , 960x540 , 20.png )
588073

it is an exquisite big stone erection.

WRONG

I HATE THE PHALLOMANCER SO MUCH. HE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE AND HIS TOWER IS FUCKING STUPID!!! NOW YOU'RE NO LONGER FIRST MATE

oh

YOU'RE PROBATIONARY FIRST MATE
>>
No. 588074 ID: 186341
File 140718946154.png - (12.43KB , 960x540 , 21.png )
588074

IT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A DICK

Haaalt,, say some skeletons in front of the tower

OH GREAT HIS BONERMINIONS ARE HERE, GREAT

Whoo seeeeks audience with the phaaallomaaancer, the Bonerminions say
>>
No. 588075 ID: dc4b80

Small dick and Bigger penis in 14 days are here to seek a audience with the asshole who cant even make his tower look like a penis.
>>
No. 588076 ID: 186341
File 140719031372.png - (10.90KB , 960x540 , 22.png )
588076

mall dick and Bigger penis in 14 days are here to seek a audience with the asshole who cant even make his tower look like a penis, you say.


Whaaaat????
Iiinsoleeence???
Biiigger peeenis in 14 daaays??
>>
No. 588077 ID: 186341
File 140719036307.png - (10.42KB , 960x540 , 23.png )
588077

I TOLD YOU THIS GUY WAS AN ASSHOLE, says Bigger Penis in 14 Days For Free, as you dodge to avoid the eyebeams of the Phallomancer's Bonerminions.
>>
No. 588079 ID: 2fd516

>>588077
OH GOD PLEASE MY PENIS IS TINY HAVE MERCY
>>
No. 588080 ID: 37aa84

Tell them they can discuss our reasons for coming with our compatriot, then point them to the phallobeast.
>>
No. 588081 ID: 37aa84

Show them our tiny insignificant penis so they might be distracted with laughter.
>>
No. 588082 ID: 186341
File 140719080268.png - (8.30KB , 960x540 , 24.png )
588082

>>588080
SKRAAAAAAW goes the Phallobeast
>>
No. 588083 ID: 186341
File 140719083768.png - (10.16KB , 960x540 , 25.png )
588083

REST IN PEACE

HE WAS THE LAST OF HIS KIND

was he?

AHAAHA NO THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE
WHAT NOW, PROBATIONARY FIRST MATE???
>>
No. 588084 ID: dc4b80

Invade the tower and find if he has any penis enlarging equipment or if he is just a horrible fraud.
>>
No. 588085 ID: 186341
File 140719144133.png - (11.80KB , 960x540 , 26.png )
588085

>>588084
You enter the labyrinthine staircases and twisting hallways of the Phallomancer's Tower.

After the like 20th labyrinthine staircase and 9th twisting hallway the Captain is like I'M 3000% LOST MAN
>>
No. 588086 ID: 2fd516

>>588085
Yell out "YOUR TOWER SUCKS!" maybe we can get the phallomancer to come to us.
>>
No. 588087 ID: e06dcb

Start shooting in the air, to get phalomancer's attention.
>>
No. 588088 ID: 186341
File 140719239524.png - (9.22KB , 960x540 , 27.png )
588088

hey phallomancer!!! you yell. your tower sucks!!!!

What!
>>
No. 588089 ID: 186341
File 140719242530.png - (10.93KB , 960x540 , 28.png )
588089

he's

huge

Let's see your giant wizard tower, numbnuts!
>>
No. 588090 ID: 2fd516

>>588089
Start groveling at his feet and begging for a bigger penis. It's so tiny. So, so tiny.
>>
No. 588091 ID: e06dcb

obtain black wow board hanging from his crotch.
>>
No. 588093 ID: 186341
File 140719298516.png - (7.75KB , 960x540 , 29.png )
588093

You drop and grovel.

my penis, you say. it's so tiny. oh my god. it's so small.

You wish for a larger Tool? I shall give it to you, small-peckered man. On ONE CONDITION:

You must take the life of Captain Bigger Penis In 14 Days For Free

WITH YOUR BARE HANDS

>>
No. 588094 ID: 2fd516

That would be MUTINY!
>>
No. 588095 ID: e06dcb

Show the phallomancer even thou your dick is small, your balls are as big captains and attack the phalomancer with your own black wow board!!!
>>
No. 588096 ID: 37aa84

Wow, the captain told us you were an asshole but wow.
>>
No. 588097 ID: 186341
File 140719362537.png - (16.53KB , 960x540 , 30.png )
588097

that would be mutiny!!! asshole!

Then DIE WITH HIM!
>>
No. 588098 ID: e06dcb

prepare for battle.

ask captain for a better weapons.
>>
No. 588099 ID: 2fd516

>>588097
Start climbing up his leg. Get around to the back of it to make it awkward for him to get at you. Grab on his balls and dangle distractingly while the Captain does something a bit more damaging I expect.

Maybe you could threaten to cut off his balls if you get there, actually.
>>
No. 588100 ID: 37aa84

His phallus is so big, it is a prime target for attack.
>>
No. 588101 ID: 186341
File 140719441036.png - (10.75KB , 960x540 , 31.png )
588101

You attack his swinging, bulbous weak point

This is not what you thought you'd be doing with your day
>>
No. 588102 ID: 186341
File 140719448412.png - (10.42KB , 960x540 , 32.png )
588102

In spite of your distraction, the captain is in trouble!! He is good at dodging but the Phallomancer is dishing out so many magical attacks there's no opening for him, and he's bound to get tired soon!!!


Fool!! My Tool is MIGHTY! It is TURGID! It is BIGGER!! WHAT HOPE HAVE YOU
>>
No. 588103 ID: e06dcb

grab on to his pubes and start headbutting his balls!!!
>>
No. 588104 ID: 186341

>>588103
ok let's not make this quest get too weird

attacking his dick isn't going to work brah
>>
No. 588105 ID: 2fd516

>>588102
If you get higher you could start punching him in the eyeballs!
>>
No. 588106 ID: 53ba34

a stab to the nuts!
>>
No. 588107 ID: 186341
File 140719510836.png - (6.97KB , 960x540 , 33.png )
588107

You go for his eye!! But after one punch he grabs you from his face and pulls you off!!
>>
No. 588108 ID: 186341
File 140719518376.png - (9.52KB , 960x540 , 34.png )
588108

He throws you at the captain and hits him right in the chest!!

You both land in a crumpled heap.

The puissant pillar of the Phallomancer looms above you.

You were Fools to oppose me!!!!
Pencilpenis FOOLS!
Have you any final words, Small One?

>>
No. 588109 ID: 1ce34b

Pull your pants down.

Show him that although you will die, you die unashamed of your tiny penis.
>>
No. 588110 ID: 186341
File 140719568054.png - (6.79KB , 960x540 , 35.png )
588110

phallomancer!!!!

look at THIS!!!!
>>
No. 588111 ID: 186341
File 140719568617.png - (10.71KB , 960x540 , 36.png )
588111

>>
No. 588112 ID: 53ba34

"i know you are but what am i?"
>>
No. 588114 ID: 186341
File 140719577064.png - (6.54KB , 960x540 , 37.png )
588114

Oh my GOD

The Phallomancer trembles with deep belly laughter. It is a sound you have heard many times.

Oh my GOD that is so SMALL!! I've seen some tiny dicks in my time. Some really cruddy chodes. But that takes the cake!! Haaaa! Oh my God!!

He rolls over backward, convulsing with laughter.
>>
No. 588115 ID: 2fd516

>>588111
WELL?
>>
No. 588116 ID: e06dcb

pull your pants back on...
>>
No. 588117 ID: 2fd516

>>588114
Quick, while he's down! RUN AWAY! Or maybe the Captain can use the opportunity to wreck his shit?
>>
No. 588118 ID: 186341
File 140719654048.png - (212.70KB , 960x540 , 38.png )
588118

>>588117
The captain cuts his head off

SKA POW!
>>
No. 588119 ID: 186341
File 140719655697.png - (8.05KB , 960x540 , 39.png )
588119

WELL I GUESS THE MORAL IS IT TURNS OUT HAVING A BIG DICK ISN'T ACTUALLY ALL THAT IMPORTANT, the captain says. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR FUCKING HEAD IS FUCKING GONE!!

He pats you on the hat. YOUR PENIS IS TINY BUT YOUR BALLS ARE BIG, PROBATIONARY FIRST MATE. YOU'RE FIRST MATE AGAIN!!!

my penis is still tiny, you say.

DON'T WORRY!!

JUST DRINK HIS BLOOD.
>>
No. 588120 ID: 2fd516

>>588119
Guzzle that shit.
>>
No. 588121 ID: 265534

>>588119
Hurry up and do it. Go go. Drink that blood pouring out of his severed head stem.
>>
No. 588122 ID: 186341
File 140719701759.png - (7.29KB , 960x540 , 40.png )
588122

>>588120
>>588121
You drink the blood.

The micropenis that you were genetically cursed with becomes a healthy, normal sized piece of male anatomy.

Every night a kind but disappointed ladyfriend excused herself from your room you wept yourself asleep to dream of this: a day when you would no longer be trapped inside a body that bitterly failed to express your sexual desire or self-actualization.
>>
No. 588123 ID: 186341
File 140719702840.png - (7.93KB , 960x540 , 41.png )
588123

COOL, says the captain.

NOW COME GO ON BULLSHIT ADVENTURES WITH ME AND BE MY BOYFRIEND
>>
No. 588124 ID: a3ee32

>>588119
Bypass blood, go straight for consuming soul before it fully escapes the body
>>
No. 588127 ID: 2fd516

Dude I'm not gay.

(or have the pronouns been wrong this whole time?)
>>
No. 588128 ID: 186341
File 140719747066.png - (12.14KB , 960x540 , 42.png )
588128

sorry um um i'm not gay

WOW says the captain. She opens her jacket. JUST BECAUSE I AM THE PHYSICAL INCARNATION OF A PENIS ENLARGEMENT SPAM IMAGE YOU AND THE GUY WRITING THIS QUEST THOUGHT I WAS A DUDE?

oh, you say. ok i'll be your bf

SICK!!!!
THO YOU'RE BOTH BACK ON PROBATION
>>
No. 588129 ID: 186341
File 140719747861.png - (12.11KB , 960x540 , 43.png )
588129

LETS FUCK OFF TO ADVENTURE!!!!! the captain says.

Then you do.

THE END.
>>
No. 588131 ID: 186341
File 140719783551.png - (8.65KB , 960x540 , 44.png )
588131

"um, wow," says 73-6-2.

"The end!!! Did you like it, wirechild?"

"i've never had a bedtime story," says 73-6-2, "but i think they're not really like that back in meatspace."
>>
No. 588147 ID: 879a42

That twist ending gives this story a 4.0 ham sandwich rating. GG wire, GG. Also this is exactly what a head fucked AI would read you for bedtime.
>>
No. 588165 ID: 879a42

Wait a second, the AI is aware that this is a quest, ABORT! ABORT!
>>
No. 588174 ID: cdca04

>>588165
Dude, the AI is the one running the quest.
We're all fragments of its core personality.
>>
No. 588192 ID: dc4b80

I for one loved your bedtime story.
>>
No. 588205 ID: 49947e

Don't just drink it, bathe in it. Savor this mans life juice. Become a pig to his bloody mud pit, you must truly enjoy being covered in it.
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