Quarter 2014/08/15(Fri)16:22 No. 589585 ID: 14a6aa
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>>INPUT NAME FOR FEMALE SOLDIER: _

Annia!

Second Lieutenant Amelia "Earhart" VanDerbliss

>>589585
BUTTS

Marie valintine

>>589585
How about Lilian?

>>589590
Second

Meryl

>>589590
Thirded.

>>589588
Sure.

1/2 Quarter 2014/08/16(Sat)10:21 No. 589656 ID: 9fd6b0
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Hang on now, one at a time!

>>589588
>>589592
>>589595
>>589598
>>589627
Hmm... Not bad. Nice 'n' simple, some of these.

>>589590
>>589596
>>589612
Heh, I like you. But no.

>>589589
That's kinda much. How 'bout just Earhart? Has a good codenamey feel to it, ya know? I like it. What about you, HM-1?

"An alright choice, madam. However, I would have chosen BUTTS."

Yes, I'm so sure. Actually, ya know what, you need a better name than HM-1. A.I. buddy, I'm not so good at namin' things, so can you come up with a name for my robot pal? And don't say BUTTS!

2/2 Earhart 2014/08/16(Sat)10:22 No. 589658 ID: 9fd6b0
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>>INPUT NAME FOR BLUE ROBOTMAN: _

>>589658
Cut

How does "Gizmeister" sound to you?

>>589663
Yeah, Cut, Cuts, Cutman, some variant thereof. It's only appropriate.

Rex. Rex Von Cutman.

Buttsman

>>589658
DONGS

King fap

Sir Cutting Man, as in Circuiting Man. The puns are endless!

1/2 Earhart 2014/08/18(Mon)10:29 No. 590026 ID: 76f065
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>>589665
Is that supposed to sound like Jizzmeister? I don't think so, buddy.

>>589673
Rex sounds more like a giant robot's name, don't ya think?

>>589683
>>589691
>>589743
Heh, come on stop.

>>589663
>>589666
>>589800
Cut. Or Cuts. I like Cuts. Simple. I like simple.

"You are going to call me Cuts, madam?"

Yeah, but don't go cuttin' nuttin' yet. I gotta explain the situation to our A.I.

"What situation?"

Forgot already? Boy, your memory sucks.

Alright A.I., we're currently on LIFEBELT-11, a life preserver shaped civilian space station. It's in Earth space, though it's still Mars-controlled unfortunately. Cuts 'n' I are here lookin' for someone: a robotics scientist named Dr. Bapth.
Weird name, but the guy has a bounty of 4 million on his head issued by Earth. The doctor works for Mars doin' robotics stuff, and Earth don't want that no more I suppose. We ain't here for the bounty, though. We're here because this robotic lug is so glitchy, it's as if half his parts is missin'. Guy can't even remember where we are.

Cuts starts lookin' angry. "Yes, how could I forget that we were on such a stupid, unnecessary, and dangerous mission. Hacking that Mars database to find Dr. Bapth, smuggling ourselves on this cargo ship to the LIFEBELT. We could have been caught and killed already, madam, and now that we are here, we surely will. And all for nothing. I'm fit as a fiddle, madam."

Don't start with those cliche phrases, Cuts, you ain't fiddlin' nothin'.

2/2 Earhart 2014/08/18(Mon)10:31 No. 590027 ID: 76f065
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Eh shit, somebody's outside the door to this little cargo container we're in. This civilian station ain't civilian no more, by the way; it's all hostile. Nobody here'll be askin' for explanations if we're caught.

How sturdy is the door?

>>590027
Hide in the SPACE CRATE. Should be pretty inconspicuous here in space.

Why's Cuts so important that you're willing to go through all this trouble and pass up collecting on that sweet bounty to get him repaired?

Also, who controls the station? If they're the doctor's allies, and you're bringing him some of his own tech to repair, doesn't that make them less of a threat?

Move the space crate
Hide behind the space crate
When they come in and try to move the space crate, jump out and threaten to shoot them in their butts

EARHEART should hide in the create, use CUTS as a decoy. Because robots are expendable. Also rename him BUTTS. This allows her to determine the threat of the intruder and possibly get in a free shot.

Earhart 2014/08/18(Mon)13:26 No. 590053 ID: 76f065
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>>590043
>robots are expendable
You callin' Cuts expendable? Ha!

>>590034
>Why's Cuts so important...
For starters, Cuts is probably worth more than that 4 million. Not that I wanna sell 'im, I'm just sayin': he's actually got a personality, that and more firepower than he has room to hold. Don't think there's another robot like 'im out there. So I definitely don't wanna let Cuts get all busted. And to be honest, well I don't really know what I'd do with 4 mil.

>Also, who controls the station?
The good ol' folks of Mars do. Sadly, that's all I know. Since it's supposed to be hostile, I'm assumin' this station is full of people protectin' the doctor. And with the way those Mars people are, they won't care if I come in peace.

Cuts, we should hide in the space crate.

>Tch-tch zzt

Awe shit!

"DON'T WORRY, BUTTS, I'LL PROTECT YOU."

Hey, that's not my name!

"I'LL FUCKING DECIMATE THESE MARTIANS."

You're glitchin' out again. Ya gotta cut it out, Cuts!

There's no way to control the guy when he's like this. He has a lotta firepower, but that's not gonna keep an entire hostile station from messin' us up. Help me out, A.I., this is why I activated ya!

Explain that engaging multiple hostiles in a room with no cover and no lines of retreat is not sufficient protection. Current objective is safety via avoiding unnecessary engagements, and furthering our infiltration effort by not alerting enemy forces to our presence or position.

Inform him that it is ungentlemanly to touch a lady's butts - I mean breasts - without asking.

I've changed my mind. EARHART=BUTTS is the expendable one. CUTS is clearly the brains of this operation and must be saved. CUTS use BUTTS as a shield.

yeah explain the lack of cover will result in injury or death from the crossfire.

Cuts! If you open fire, you're going to ROBOT HELL. That is a REAL PLACE.

>>590126
I bet Robot Hell is a place where there are no butts

No butts for you if you start firing. He needs that booty and he WILL listen.

>>590053
I don't know, that gun looks big enough to take out a squad of bad guys, especially if they'll be funneling through that door. Plus, Cuts looks eager to cut loose.

Fine fine fine, move the crate in front of the door. That way whoever is going to enter will first have to deal with the crate. Give the crate a gun so it can at least defend itself.

1/2 Earhart 2014/08/20(Wed)20:01 No. 590403 ID: 4880f7
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>>590093
>CUTS use BUTTS as a shield.
Well that's just downright disrespectful.

>>590069
I'm more upset about him shovin' me.

Cuts, you want us to fuckin' die?

"WE WON'T DIE, BUTTS, I AM INVINCIBLE."

We're buried in a container with no cover, bolt face. You do this shit and we're screwed for sure!

"WHY DOES IT MATTER IF WE FAIL? ASHES TO ASHES, BUTTS TO BUTTS, AFTER ALL."

What now?! Uh...

>>590126
>>590128
>>590168
You, um... Ya sure like butts a lot all of a sudden. But there'll be no butts for ya if ya start shootin'!

"HUH? NO BUTTS?"

>WHACK

"Oh, madam, hi!"

Ya glitched out again.

"Really? Oh, I greatly apologize!"

Still think you're fit as a fiddle?

"I... Maybe."

Get in that crate. We're hidin' again. We might blow the top off this place once we know what we're dealin' with, not for now.

"Copy that, madam. This mission is still a bad idea, though."

See, when he starts glitchin', ya gotta say somethin' to snap him out of it and then give 'im a good wallop. I hate havin' to do it, but that's the only thing that works!

2/2 Earhart 2014/08/20(Wed)20:02 No. 590405 ID: 4880f7
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We pile in the crate before someone comes inside. They latch some kinda gravity device to the crate and start movin' it out of the cargo ship.

I hear talkin' outside. "This crate contains valuable items for Dr. Bapth, including a new advanced A.I. device for him to use with his current research. Once we get the cargo unloaded, open the crate and take the box labeled 'Bapth' to the doctor."
Somebody responds, but with the exact same voice. "Yes boss."

Whoever was movin' this crate's walked off. Time to make a move.

open the bapth box now, what is so interesting in it?

>>590405
Take the Bapth box. Jump out, restrain whoever was about the unload the crate, and demand to know where Bapth is. Say that you'll deliver her box.

>>590405
Try to convince the grunt that you two were part of the shipment; the doc has needs, too, you know and the sender just figured he'd cover all the bases with a human woman and a blue robotman.

Let's peak in the box, after we find out what is in there, we judo chop the guard when he comes in. We gotta bust out all stealthy, as I doubt these are friendly guys.

So... if we snuck out and hid and waited for that guy to come back, we could follow him when he opens the crate and makes the delivery, maybe.

Or if we had a tracking device to stick on the box, that would be good. Then we'd know where the doctor was, even if we had to take a more circuitous route.

It seems like the best plan is to cram your butts into the Bapth box.

In the event that your butt is too large to cram into the box, I would suggest following up with >>590441

1/3 Earhart 2014/08/22(Fri)16:49 No. 590680 ID: 75a9da
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>>590406
>>590409
>Bapth box
I already looked in there. That's how I found you, A.I. I think you're the device that guy outside was talkin' about. Everything else was some super sciencey junk, didn't know what any of it was.

>>590459
Much too small. No butt stuffin' today.

>>590441
No normal person's gonna believe that.

I at least gotta see who these guys are, what they're equipped with. I peek out of the crate a bit.

What the hell? It's just a stupid strainer. Dumb colander-headed assembly-line robot. Strainers are good for grunt work, 'n' they can be dangerous when there's lots of 'em attackin' at ya.

"What is a strainer robot doing here, madam?"

No clue, Cuts.

>>590441
This stupid thing will believe that.

2/3 Earhart 2014/08/22(Fri)16:50 No. 590681 ID: 75a9da
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I pop out of the box. "Hey there, I'm part of Dr. Bapth's shipment!"

It just glances over at me. "Part of Dr. Bapth's shipment? We expected no humans."

"Well," I begin. "He probably didn't tell ya! Me 'n' my friend here, Bapth uh... ordered us special!"

"We definitely expected no prostitutes."

"Hey, I didn't say prostitutes!"

3/3 Earhart 2014/08/22(Fri)16:50 No. 590682 ID: 75a9da
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>"MAXIMUM SECURITY ALERT! INTRUDERS ON BOARD! UNABLE TO SEND EMERGENCY SIGNAL! MAXIMUM SECURITY ALERT! INTRUDERS ON BOARD! UNABLE TO SEND EMERGENCY SIGNAL! FULL LOCK DOWN IN EFFECT! FULL LOCK DOWN IN EFFECT!"

What happened?!

The strainer equips a weapon. "Maximum security alert! Intruders on board! Eliminate all that are not official Martian personnel!"

Shit!

>>590682
Well don't let him shoot you.

Cuts, you better take out that strainer.

>>590682
Welp. Sorry.

Better get to jukin'. Hopefully Cuts will follow up with some rage mode to take this guy out.

uppercut gun.

"Dí$éπGªgè wêàpσñ $ÿs┬êM$"

Psh, you totally blew a perfectly good bluff. Discretion is a key factor in any good escort service, you could have just reminded him of that.

>Eliminate all that are not official Martian personnel!
Stall, claim he can't eliminate you because you are official Maritain personnel. You'll show him your ID.

Then Cuts takes him out while you're distracting him.

Earhart 2014/08/23(Sat)12:28 No. 590811 ID: 75a9da
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>>590694
Don't tell me ya already started fuckin' up! Get it together!

>>590710
I didn't blow nothin', there's no way it was me that set off the alarm! And what was the whole, "unable to send emergency signal," thing? This don't make an ounce of sense!

>>590741
Wait, gimme a sec 'n' I'll grab my official Martial ID!

He lowers his weapon. "You have five seconds to-"

>BOOM

Thanks Cuts.

"My pleasure, madam."

But I hear more footsteps comin' this way. What's the best course of action, A.I.?!

animated

>>590811
Leg it!

Hide strainer in butt. Climb stack of butts. You can look down upon the room as a vigilant watcher, and jump down when they come in to ambutts them.

>What's the best course of action, A.I.?!
Gtfo. You need an exit, and/or a place to hide. We don't need a prolonged engagement with security forces.

>>590811
Get to a hiding spot, or find a way out. If you hide make sure you can eavesdrop on the guys coming in.

shit, just realized, maybe it was smarter then normal? the guy is going AI research so he could have issued upgrades.

Earhart 2014/08/25(Mon)21:42 No. 591208 ID: 35212a
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>>590835
I sure as hell hope not! But that one was kinda stupid, though. I dunno.

>>590822
>>590829
>>590833
>run/escape
I ain't got my bearings in here, so I don't wanna get caught while cornered or somethin'.

It may be best to hide again. Cuts, help me up on these boxes.

"Copy that, madam."

Cuts helps me spring up on top of the boxes, following me up. The two of us look down towards the cargo ship that brought us here.

A bunch more strainers are walkin' around down there. Are there no people on this ship, just a bunch of these copy-paste robots?

"Now that we are up here, madam, how should we get back down?"

You did not hide the neutralized strainer. They will search for you once they discover it.

Advise rapid ASSessment of exits from vantage point before deciding course of escape.

does the ceiling have rafters? those are great places to go.

Hey Cuts, can you throw your voice? You should impersonate a strainer, and scream "OMG the intruder looks like one of us!"

Or throw us. Throw us, the AI, at one of the strainers. We'll go mess with their heads. You can pick us up after the slaughter.

Is there a back side to the pile of boxes you can climb down? Or are they piled up against a wall, possibly giving vent access?

1/2 Earhart 2014/08/26(Tue)21:30 No. 591316 ID: 7bb8fb
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>>591211
>You did not hide the neutralized strainer
Oh that ain't no big deal. These things fall to pieces all the time. Just look, there's a couple that fell apart over in the corner there.

These things have guns. That's their big threat. Pretty decent threat to have if ya ask me.

>>591213
I don't see nothin' we could get on.

>>591222
There's a gap between the boxes and the wall. Probably because there's a a big door there that they don't wanna completely block.

>>591215
Cuts, can you throw your voice?

"Throw, like baseball?"

No, no, throw your voice, as in ya get inside the head of one of those strainers.

"Aha, I see, madam. Smart! But no I cannot do that."

Well then we'll go with the other idea, throwin' our A.I. buddy at one 'n' gettin' it to confuse the rest. You hear that, A.I.? I'm gonna toss ya at a strainer; you should stick to it. You'll start hearin' it's voice talkin' to ya 'n' such. Just say some shit to get it all confused, then it may start gettin' the others confused. Got it?

3, 2, 1.

"Let 'er rip, madam."

2/2 Strainer 2014/08/26(Tue)21:32 No. 591317 ID: 7bb8fb
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What was that? Did I just hear something?

ATTENTION UNIT [insert unit designation here], THIS IS THE MACHINE GOD SPEAKING. YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN AS THE CHAMPION WHO WILL LEAD YOUR PEOPLE TO GLORY AND BUTTS.

CTHULU WAnTs YoUR MoTHeR AMBULAncE On tHE WaY CHaColATE CHip PRoviDES DEATH GIMME ThoSE yOUR UnDEraGed SOldieR 10101010101010100001010101001010101010102020 shagsshsiduehq jzjsoejsi6bencbz #LOLROFLMAOXD360BuTSex DO IT FOR THE TEAM.

What a thrill...
With darkness and silence through the night.
What a thrill...
I'm searching and I'll melt into you.
What a fear in my heart...
But you're so supreme!
I give my life!
Not for honor, but for you! (Snake Eater)
In my time there'll be no one else.
Crime, it's the way I fly to you! (Snake Eater)
I'm still in a dream, Snake Eater!
Someday you go through the rain,
And someday you feed on a tree frog,
It's ordeal, the trial to survive.
For the day we see new light.
I give my life!
Not for honor, but for you! (Snake Eater)
In my time there'll be no one else.
Crime, it's the way I fly to you! (Snake Eater)
I'm still in a dream, Snake Eater!
I'm still in a dream, Snake Eater!
(Snake Eater...)

>>591317
ALERT! INTRUDERS ARE DISGUISED AS STRAINER ROBOTS! DESTROY ALL SUSPICIOUS STRAINERS!

WHEN I SAY HAPPY,
YOU SAY BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY!
HAPPY!

guys wtf? we want it to kill everyone, not just kill itself.

enemy combatants disguised as strainers, kill them all to be sure.

1/5 Strainer 2014/08/30(Sat)16:28 No. 591874 ID: a818e1
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What is this noise?

>>591320
I have orders to ignore the Machine God.

>>591321
Cannot comprehend. Ignored.

>>591323
Song lyrics. Ignored.

>>591507
Whose birthday is it? Birthday procedure not scheduled for another 5 months, 14 days. Ignored.

Whoever this is, I am going to ignore everything you say. Do not even try to convince me of anything because I have orders to ignore all except my superiors.

>>591326
>>591508
I am going to ignore this as well. This order means nothing to me. These are not my orders. This will not even make me paranoid. In fact, I will let the others know of your unheard orders.

"You hear that, fellow defense units? An impostor is trying to convince me that the intruder is disguised as one of us. And I know that this is not true."

The others respond. "Indeed, fellow defense unit, there are no intruders disguised as us. I will not even become paranoid by what you have said."

Even more start to respond. "Yes, me neither. No paranoia here."

2/5 Strainer 2014/08/30(Sat)16:28 No. 591875 ID: a818e1
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>ATATATAT

"Yes, and my shooting at this fellow defense unit is not out of paranoia."

>ATATATATATATATAT
>ATATATATATAT

"Indeed. I am killing my fellow defense units not out of paranoia, no sir."

>ATATATATATATATAT
>ATATATAT
>ATATATATATAT

"Even if there was an intruder disguised as us, it surely would not survive this onslaught that I am bringing upon my fellow defense units. But there is no such intruder."

animated

3/5 Strainer 2014/08/30(Sat)16:29 No. 591876 ID: a818e1
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"WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF YOU HERE? TOO MANY BUTTS SPOIL THE BROTH, YOU KNOW."

4/5 Earhart 2014/08/30(Sat)16:29 No. 591877 ID: a818e1
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Alright, well Cuts cut loose. He went behind the cargo ship, so I tried goin' over there 'n' seein' where he went, but I couldn't find 'im. No idea how he got outta this room without me seein'.

Ugh, dammit. At least the strainers are taken care of. Quite the show you had 'em put on. Now I just wish I had a map of this pla-

5/5 Earhart 2014/08/30(Sat)16:33 No. 591878 ID: a818e1
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>>ACTIVATING HEADS UP DISPLAY

AHH!

Uh... Neat. Guess I got what I wanted.

So. Don't know where Cuts is, so I'm really unsure on what to do next and how to go about it. This is where I'm really gonna need your help, A.I.

Go southwards. There's a door down there that leads somewhere off the map, it'd be useful to know where it goes.

Okay Butts, you need to go through the north door and find an escape route, cute is likely killing off robots in the center room where many of them are likely shooting each other due to our storm of madness. Proceed with caution and stealth, all strainers will likely attempt to kill you on sight.

Fine go south no need to conflict. Follow the same strategy.

What's the difference between the red and green doors on that map?

If red doors are sealed or blocked, then we have a problem, because all 3 doors out of this room are red.

Is that a hologram we're projecting?

Go South.

South is often equivocated with downwards, which is where butts are. Taking into account newly gained obsession with butts, Cuts will go south to find more butts. It is only logical.

>>591878
>>591927
This seems correct. Be sure to have your gun out before proceeding.

Earhart 2014/09/01(Mon)22:31 No. 592173 ID: a818e1
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>>591886
>Butts
Dammit.

>>591919
I think the HUD is in my eyes or somethin'. I can hide it when I want to. It's freaky.

>>591884
>>591887
>>591927
>>592017
>Go south
Do ya not know how your own map system works?

>>591897
Okay, so ya do know. Red doors are locked; can't get through 'em. This lock down bullshit is probably gonna make navigatin' this station a little extra work. Nothin' that can't be managed, though.

So yeah, all three doors out of this dockin' bay are locked. Now, I don't suppose ya have any idea on how I may get out of this room, do ya? I think there's a small terminal in here somewhere. Oh, 'n' there's the crane too in case you got some ideas for that.

The HUD appears to say you have two frag grenades on you. Blow that door open and be careful not to lose your butt, butts.

>>592177
before we use those up let's try the slightly more subtle approach, as in, plug us into it.

if that fails we need a big solid object to grab with the crane, like a metal pipe.

>The HUD appears to say you have two frag grenades on you. Blow that door open and be careful not to lose your butt, butts.

Nice idea in concept, but Frag grenades are meant to take out flesh-and-blood people (and to a lesser extent, robots) not for demolitions. Demolition charges are meant to have a very controlled blast to do a specific job.

>>592177
Frag grenades generally aren't the best tech for demolitions work. Much more effective against enemy assets than sealed bulkhead doors.

Bring us to the lock, we'll see if we can hack or override that. If that fails, we'll use the crane to make an exit.

I've played this game before. To make the doors turn green you need to destroy all hostiles in the area.

Go around crushing Strainer buttheads until the doors unlock.

1/3 Earhart 2014/09/06(Sat)12:02 No. 592940 ID: 78d9fc
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>>592233
Naw, this ain't like one of those silly simulations from back on Mars.

>>592177
>>592190
>>592200
>frag
Yeah, I probably couldn't get that door off the hinges with just a grenade. Gonna need somethin' better.

>>592178
>>592200
>hack/override to open south door
Well I'm tryin' to find a place to plug ya in, but it's not workin'. And stickin' ya to it don't do anything either.

Guess we'll have to settle with the crane. Now I found the little computer that controls it over by the big east door. It's got some anti-gravity-attachment-mumbo-jumbo that'll surely come in handy. Pretty simple controls too. Unfortunately, it won't reach the south door where we wanted to go, only the east door.

>>592178
>metal pipe
We could use somethin' like that, but I got a better idea! I'll yank the damn door right off!

Just gotta knock these boxes outta the way...
>SLAM
>CRASH

2/3 Earhart 2014/09/06(Sat)12:03 No. 592942 ID: 78d9fc
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>VREEEEE
...then I just gotta attach the crane to the door here...

>VREEEEE
>CLRCH
...'n' then YANK.

>RRRRRRR
C'mon.

>RRRRanimatedRRRR

3/3 Earhart 2014/09/06(Sat)12:04 No. 592943 ID: 78d9fc
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>SNAP
>BOOM
THERE WE GO!

"What is happening in here!"

Shit, more strainers! Alright, A.I., I'm gonna try and attach ya to one of 'em again so-

>"ATTENTION ALL DEFENSE UNITS: FRIENDLY FIRE WILL RESULT IN DEACTIVATION."

"Roger!"
"Roger!"
"Roger!"

Shit again! Stupid strainers 'n' their orders! Now what?! They're comin' through the east door 'n' I'm right next to it!

Well, if you've got a crowd of enemy infantry all trying to rush through one small door, now might be a good time for a frag grenade.

you can also swing the door you just ripped off at them. go strainer bowling.

>>592946

I suggest a crane attack first, grenade as a follow-up. The crane is unexpected but would only work with the element of surprise... grenades are more effective overall, let's not use them before we really need them.

>>592943
>>592949
Yeah might as well use the crane to take out a chunk of them and toss in a grenade if they keep coming.

Hide behind the control panel and sneak out the door once you see the greys of their butts go past.

1/2 Earhart 2014/09/09(Tue)18:55 No. 593485 ID: bd4718
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>>593015
If I can take these metal bitches out right now, then why wait?

>>592945
>>592997
>frag
Great idea!

>>592946
>>592949
>>592997
>crane
Better idea! Savin' me a frag!

I swing the crane back to the door, attach the crane to it, then swing it back over at the strainers as they come through.

>CRASH

Alright, where's the rest of ya?!

2/2 Earhart 2014/09/09(Tue)18:56 No. 593486 ID: bd4718
File 141031416291.gif - (89.56KB , 840x600 , 28.gif )

Hell, I guess there was only 3. Nobody else in here.

Whatever. I'm in the next room now, probably the room where they process everything that gets shipped to or from this dockin' bay. Looks like whoever works here is gettin' a bit behind. If anybody works here at all... Or maybe it's all just strainers...

Anyway, I think this is the maintenance sector of the station, what keeps it goin'. These LIFEBELTs are civilian stations that also have sectors for living, recreation, 'n' occupations. I don't remember the layout though.

I actually used to live on one of these things when I was a kid. LIFEBELT-9, lived there until I was about five. Then those people from Mars came 'n' captured it from Earth 'n' took me away. I ain't S.O. on Mars no more, though. But while I was there, Mars clearly captured more places like the LIFEBELTs in their stupid little war.

Gettin' sidetracked. The task at hand is findin' Cuts, then the doctor. We got options here accordin' to the map. What to do next...

Go South, remember? Don't get left behind.

Go check out that mystery locked door in the bottom-left room. It's not like we have any idea where anything else is.

You must follow the Cut's Butt's logic formula and head to the south corridoor, then head right.

Yeah, south looks a good direction to try. You can check two rooms without having to find additional ways to break down doors.