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File 128622265239.gif - (15.72KB , 800x600 , 1181.gif )
238281 No. 238281 ID: 3c3565

They say no news is good news. When things just stay the same, there's not much to worry about.

I mean, what's so hard about keeping things the way they are?
Expand all images
>>
No. 238283 ID: 701a19

>>238281
Everything
>>
No. 238284 ID: 3c3565
File 128622274558.gif - (6.96KB , 800x600 , 1182.gif )
238284

But when you show up, that's when I know there's going to be trouble.

So what is it now? Is Mister Muschio bleeding out in a ditch somewhere? Finnie got kidnapped? The kobolds accidentally discovered how to summon some dead undersea god? Or no, let me guess, there's a giant rape monster bearing down on the Vault and we only have two minutes before it gets here.
>>
No. 238285 ID: 70d9eb

>>238284
The last one. You're pretty good at guessing!
>>
No. 238287 ID: 365adf

>>238284
It is the latter, Ona, and he's got a thing for weird head bobbles.
>>
No. 238288 ID: 701a19

>>238284
We're not aware of anything going on. Although fate likes to send us places where we are going to be needed.

Oh, and you know that tingly feeling you had awhile ago? That was your rape sense tingling over some bug soldiers attempting to force Finny into giving it up to them - she humiliated them, by the way.
>>
No. 238289 ID: 3416ec

>>238285
>>238287

Funny, guys.

No, Muschio is in the middle of some Intense Negotiations with the Bug Folk.
>>
No. 238292 ID: a594b9

>>238284
None of the above.

Muschio is stuck in extended negotiations with the bug queen, basically. We're getting her back together with the king! Isn't that so romantic?
>>
No. 238294 ID: a9bea6

also she kinda made out with him a little.
>>
No. 238299 ID: 0b2a05

>>238294
...It's complicated.
>>
No. 238301 ID: e3f578

Something likely has occurred since we last spoke with him. If major conflict is in motion already we know nothing about it. However, he was doing fine like the others said.

But we should check on the base anyway. For safety's sake. You're right, we seem to be drawn to trouble. So yeah. Let's check that shit out
>>
No. 238302 ID: 3c3565
File 128622334778.gif - (7.04KB , 800x600 , 1183.gif )
238302

Since I started here I've fired up some good meals, made friends with the two 'bolds, and I even got to know Ashedel before she left again. A little bit, anyway -- she seems nice, a little serious, maybe.
This job is pretty great except for the part that makes me feel like a deer living with wolves.

Sometimes I think you're terrorizing me on purpose!
>>
No. 238306 ID: 365adf

>>238302
>like a deer

Let's hope not.
>>
No. 238307 ID: 2563d4

>>238302
>Sometimes I think you're terrorizing me on purpose!
Pretty much.

Any idea how Dompag's getting on with Geppa?
>>
No. 238308 ID: dad664

>>238302
Hey, we're not the ones who keep screaming about rape things at the drop of a hat.

Seriously girl, what -is- it with you and that stuff?
>>
No. 238309 ID: a9bea6

some think you look cute when you are scared.
i am a serious business voice though.
>>
No. 238310 ID: 3416ec

>feel like a deer

That hasn't crashed on a remote planet, I hope.
>>
No. 238311 ID: a594b9

>>238302
Well, we- the fragments of Muschio's mind- might be doing a little bit of teasing... But no, nobody else is. Probably. I don't know for sure, we haven't asked anyone but Dompag. He's trying his best not to freak you out, by the way.

If it makes you feel any better, we just tease you because you're cute. Hell, we are probably the least of your worries. Can't get raped by disembodied voices!
>>
No. 238312 ID: d97d76

>>238302
That's kind of our hobby.

You need to find a hobby. Preferably one that doesn't involve sucking on hallucinogenic substances. That didn't go over so well the last time.
>>
No. 238314 ID: e3f578

>>238302
Alright alright, lets talk about this as you patrol the place please. Danger is afoot at every second we linger.
>>
No. 238315 ID: 17beed

Go outside, get some fresh air!

Beware of the evil rape monsters inside.
Because there is some.
So you should get out.
Yep.
>>
No. 238318 ID: c71597

>>238302
Actually everything is pretty calm right now. Oh, if you know some alchemical agent that's airborne and can be used to take out an army in tight caverns that would be just super.
>>
No. 238320 ID: 3c3565
File 128622445485.gif - (6.83KB , 800x600 , 1184.gif )
238320

I got hobbies. I cook. I know herbs. I can brew up all kinds of drugs.
If anything, I think you're the ones who need hobbies. Or at least, Mister Muschio does. What does he do all day, besides stress out about his master plans? He ought to find some way to relax. He's just so uptight.

I mean, maybe he could get a girlfriend or something?
>>
No. 238321 ID: a594b9

>>238320
Finesse wants to be his girlfriend, but Muschio can't get it into his thick goddamn head. Oh hey, there's Dompag.
>>
No. 238323 ID: d677cc

>>238320
Oh hey it's Dompag.
>>
No. 238325 ID: 365adf

>>238320
Hey look, it's the rape ogre.
>>
No. 238326 ID: 70d9eb

>>238320
Oh Ona~, do you want to be Muschio's girlfriend? Is that what you're getting at?
SAY HI TO DOMPAG BE NICE HE'S NOT HERE TO RAPE YOU.
>>
No. 238327 ID: a9bea6

trust us, we have TRIED, he thinks love will only hinder his plans and refuses to even consider romance until he has the whole world conquered.

anyway, Dompag is here.
>>
No. 238328 ID: 17beed

Run!
Dompag looks like he's going to rape you!
>>
No. 238329 ID: a09a03

>girlfriend
Nah. Hooking him up with Ridder is going to be tricky enough as it is.

Also, say hi to Dompag.
>>
No. 238330 ID: c71597

>>238320
Oh he has some casual sex with Ashedal at times. And I guess he keeps up some training with bladework and stuff. He's quite good with a sword.

But since you're good with cooking and all that nice stuff, know any nice way to beat an army by putting some heavy duty tranqs in their food?
>>
No. 238332 ID: 701a19

>>238320
Finny wants him so bad, you have NO IDEA. Actually, if you wanted to help her make that happen...

Oh, hey, Dompag's here. Ask him how Geppa is doing?
>>
No. 238333 ID: e31d52

>>238284
God, Dompag looks tired as hell.
>>
No. 238334 ID: e3f578

>>238320
He can probably find ways to relax fine, it's just what was done to him has him so uptight. He probably also has the notion to always look busy to his followers to earn their respect. A girlfriend doesn't mean he's going to loosen up, it's just another reason to toughen up and be stronger for him.
>>
No. 238336 ID: a594b9

Oh, ask Dompag how he's doing, and how Geppa's doing.
>>
No. 238337 ID: 1ef7bb

>>238320
Oh man, you don't even know. We've been trying to lean him over to Finnie since forever. But he'll have none of it.
I mean, I guess we're part of him so it must be in his thoughts somewhere but he's just so logical.
"Relationships interfere with planning." "I have to stay focused." "I don't want to wear hats."
He's so slowwww. Maybe you could help?
Also Dompag is behind you.
>>
No. 238339 ID: 3c3565
File 128622522654.gif - (8.02KB , 800x600 , 1185.gif )
238339

See? SEE? This is what I'm talking about.
Always OH LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU ONA or OH SOMETHING IS COMING TO RAPE YOU ONA. Tislomer probably doesn't have to put up with this shit!

Speaking of which, I haven't seen her all day. She said she was going off to run some experiments with Babrakus, I think.
>>
No. 238340 ID: dad664

>>238339
Oh hey it's the new girl.
>>
No. 238341 ID: a9bea6

hide everything flammable. and stay calm.
>>
No. 238342 ID: 365adf

>>238339
Oh those kobolds, always experimenting.

Anyway you have company. Stop chatting to your imaginary friend and pay attention to Geppa.
>>
No. 238344 ID: d97d76

>>238339
Tislomer doesn't get so much of this shit because her strings aren't so easy to pull. :3c
>>
No. 238346 ID: 0b2a05

Aww, sorry Ona, we only do it cuz we like you. In a... platonic sense.

That's Geppa isn't it?
>>
No. 238347 ID: 6834bc

>>238339
Well, they're kobolds, so they can't be doing anything perverted... right?
...Running off to "experiment" on each other?
Huh.

Anyway, Geppa and Dompag just came in through the door behind you. I take it everything has been relatively quiet so far?
>>
No. 238348 ID: 2ed296

"Experimenting"

Yeah, they're experimenting alright. :3
>>
No. 238350 ID: 1ef7bb

>>238339
We do that to everyone. We're easily distracted! And you were worried about rape. So we point out when anyone arrives and wonder if they'll try to rape you.
If you'd been worried about hats, we would point out when anyone arrives and wonder if they had hats.
>>
No. 238351 ID: e31d52

Say hello to the gnoll.
>>
No. 238352 ID: c71597

>>238339
Probably experimenting with his dong.

But fine, don'e look behind you. Your reaction is going to be so much more fun then.
>>
No. 238353 ID: 701a19

>>238339
No, really, Dompag just entered the room with Geppa.

I, at least, don't falsely claim that there will be rape. There will be no rape by Dompag, by the way. Geppa might try, but Dompag won't let her.
As far as the others go? You're under our protection; if any of them even considered any form of sexual assault against you, then we would break their minds with torments worse than you could ever imagine. Fortunately, none of them have!

Tislomer doesn't have to put up with this because she's not as much fun to tease. A lot of us are total jerkwads, so we wind up pushing people's buttons for fun.

So, I've been wondering, what happened to make you so paranoid?
>>
No. 238354 ID: f52552

>>238339
Clearly, you should acclimatize yourself to poisons to such a degree that you produce them naturally, and anyone that comes in contact with your bodily fluids is affected by them.
I call it the Borgia plan.
>>
No. 238355 ID: 17beed

We're just looking out for you.
I mean everything can potentially rape you.
So we gotta stick together.

Take Dompag, he's HUUUUGGEEE.
I'd watch out for him.

But one day you're not going to look over your shoulder and you're going to get raped, you will see..
>>
No. 238360 ID: e31d52

>Take Dompag, he's HUUUUGGEEE.

He's also more of a gentleman than anyone we've ever spoken to!

Don't you be disrespecting the Dompag.
>>
No. 238362 ID: 3c3565
File 12862263068.gif - (9.07KB , 800x600 , 1186.gif )
238362

Yeah, I'll be sure to keep that in mind. You're all a LOT of help.

>"Hey, Ona."
"Hey, Dompag. Any wwWWHOA, whoa! Isn't she -- what is she doing out here? I thought -- I mean... are you -- is it safe for her to be out here?"
>"Ha ha ha! Relax! She's much better now. She just needed a little time, same as anyone. Any sandwiches left from lunch?"
"Uh, y-yeah, a few, let me just--"
>"Oh, no trouble. I'll get them. Geppa and I have been working up an appetite from studying and talking all morning."
"S-studying and talking?"
>"Yeah. If she's going to be living here from now on, she ought to be brought up to speed, right?"
"W-wait, living here-?!"

>"I'll be right back with some sandwiches!"
>>
No. 238364 ID: 17beed

>>238360
Don't trust anyone.
Dompag will betray us!
You will see..
>>
No. 238365 ID: e3f578

>>238339
Stop being such a victim then christ
>>
No. 238366 ID: e31d52

>>238362
Okay, uh. Converse with the gnoll.

Dompag is a woman wizard. Womanmancer. He's probably being straight with you.
>>
No. 238367 ID: 701a19

>>238362
"How are you, Geppa?"

I told you she was here. I haven't been jerking you around, so at least trust me.
>>
No. 238369 ID: 2563d4

>>238362
Manners!
>>
No. 238370 ID: 365adf

>>238362
I bet Geppa thinks those head bobbles of yours look delicious :9
>>
No. 238371 ID: a594b9

>>238362
Give her straight information that doesn't involve anything about rape.

Seriously. Serious time now.
>>
No. 238372 ID: dad664

>>238362
"Soo....you like Hopweed?"
>>
No. 238374 ID: d677cc

>>238362
Say hi to Geppa. She'll probably appreciate a little friendliness. c:
>>
No. 238375 ID: f52552

>>238362
Sorry to comment on such a sore issue, but the worst thing you could do in this position is to cower away and scream something about rape.
>>
No. 238381 ID: c71597

>>238362
Well say hi to Geppa.
>>
No. 238382 ID: e4a16b

>>238362
Be brave, Ona. Fidgeting and acting frightened can actually encourage predatory responses, or at least teasing.

You can trust Dompag's judgement in this case, as well. He's actually the protective type, and wouldn't dream of putting either you or Geppa in harm's way.

Though in the case of Geppa the harm would be exile/imprisonment/death for hurting someone/you.
>>
No. 238383 ID: 3c3565
File 128622779933.gif - (7.78KB , 800x600 , 1187.gif )
238383

"So... uh... Geppa, right?"
>"Ona. Good to meet you."
"Um... are you getting along okay? Are you, uh, liking-"
>"Listen."
"...eh?"

>"Don't touch my little brother."
"Wh- who, Dompag?"
>"I saw you looking at him."
>>
No. 238384 ID: a594b9

>>238383
Tell her that is the opposite of what you want.
>>
No. 238385 ID: e31d52

>>238383
>little
>dompag

> :3c
>>
No. 238386 ID: 365adf

>>238383
It's true, you were looking.
>>
No. 238387 ID: 70d9eb

>>238383
Tell her that you will keep your hands off of him. You totally were checking Dompag out, though, Ona.
>>
No. 238388 ID: 0b2a05

Just tell her you're a lesbian.
>>
No. 238389 ID: d97d76

>>238383
"Geppa, your... little brother is a very stand-up guy, but I regard him with silent fear, not longing."
>>
No. 238390 ID: a9bea6

explain that you area little afraid of him and that you only watch him cause you feel safer when he is visible.
>>
No. 238391 ID: e31d52

>>238389
>>
No. 238392 ID: 3c3565
File 128622809396.gif - (7.92KB , 800x600 , 1188.gif )
238392

"I-I'm not even... I wasn't- I mean, I'm not interested in Dompag."
>"Oh I see, so you think he's below you? My little brother is the best. You better not be looking down at him."
"I didn't mean-"
>"Dompag is the best little brother. You better not break his heart, or you're dead."

Wh
what
what
>>
No. 238393 ID: 3416ec

"Hey, no sweat. Dompag already gives me the jibblies, so..."
>>
No. 238394 ID: fab621

>>238392
Oh boy... somebodies very protective.
>>
No. 238395 ID: 70d9eb

>>238392
Don't break his heart, Ona.
Or you're dead.
>>
No. 238396 ID: 1ef7bb

>>238392
Explain that Dompag is big and scary!
>>
No. 238397 ID: 3416ec

>>238393
Disregard.


Challenge her to a duel.
>>
No. 238398 ID: e31d52

>>238392
Whimper in quiet fear.
>>
No. 238399 ID: a9bea6

quick! say you aren't interested because he seems so out of your league.
>>
No. 238400 ID: a594b9

>>238392
Tell her you're not interested in anyone right now. He's nice and all but he's just a coworker, right?
>>
No. 238402 ID: 365adf

>>238392
Threaten to tell Dompag that Geppa is threatening you. He'll throw her out and she'll be all alone again. Is that what she wants?
>>
No. 238403 ID: d97d76

>>238392
Just tell her okay. No need to dig yourself any deeper.
>>
No. 238404 ID: 6834bc

>>238392
"He's above me. He's way above me.
...I'm not good enough for Dompag."
Start crying a little - shouldn't be too hard what with Geppa being... Geppa.
>>
No. 238407 ID: 3c3565
File 128622891239.gif - (7.69KB , 800x600 , 1189.gif )
238407

"Okay. I... I won't do anything like that. I'll be careful."
>"Good. I'm glad we can be friends. You seem really nice. Little bro says you can cook too. That's good."

>"But just remember what I said."
>>
No. 238408 ID: 3c3565
File 128622892525.gif - (8.42KB , 800x600 , 1190.gif )
238408

[animated]
>>
No. 238409 ID: 365adf

>>238408
Ona the correct response to that gesture is forking your fingers like that, but upwards, and splaying your tongue between them, curling and uncurling it repeatedly.
>>
No. 238410 ID: e31d52

Ask what she likes to eat.
>>
No. 238411 ID: fab621

>>238408
Man, you can't loose the crazy... just file off the numbers and give in a new coat of paint.
>>
No. 238412 ID: 896c31

Oh god I am laughing so hard my spleen is bursting oh dear god halp
>>
No. 238414 ID: 70d9eb

Ask her what she likes to eat and then do >>238409
>>
No. 238415 ID: 583d5d

>>238409

Hmm... that sounds about right.
>>
No. 238416 ID: d97d76

Well from what I've seen it'd be pretty hard to hurt Dompag's feelings, so as long as she doesn't think you're hitting on him you should be in the clear.

In fact, just to make sure you may want to excuse yourself as soon as he gets back.
>>
No. 238417 ID: fd6d7e

>>238411

Baby steps, man. Baby steps. This is a lot better than her demanding rape from Ona because she's so weak. Wait, it is better than that, right?
>>
No. 238422 ID: ee5df6

Smile, give her a thumbs up, and say, "You can count on me, sister." Better establish that you've got nothing against her as well as nothing against Dompag in one fell swoop.
>>
No. 238423 ID: 3c3565
File 128623039287.gif - (13.83KB , 800x600 , 1191.gif )
238423

>"I'm back with the sandwiches!"
>"There you are. What took you so long, lil' bro? You get lost on your way to the kitchen?"
"Uh, I gotta go! I have to go... herb... something."
Geppa glances to me. OH NO.
>"No, come on, have lunch with us. I want to know you better."
>>
No. 238424 ID: 701a19

>>238407
"Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, but that's not the way I play the game, if you get my meaning.
I suppose I should tell you now so there aren't any misunderstandings later:
Finny's heart belongs to Muschio.
Tislomer's already engaged.
Ashedel is never around, but I'm pretty sure her tastes are with effeminate men anyway.
The princess is a prisoner, but Dompag seems to like her.

If you want to romance him then you're not going to have any competition. Heck, we'll help you out as much as we can; he deserves somebody as devoted as you."
>>
No. 238426 ID: 476456

She likes girls too, be careful~
>>
No. 238427 ID: a9bea6

you aren't getting out of this. but she can't be overt about the threats while dompag is there.
>>
No. 238428 ID: 0b2a05

OH GOD SIT ACROSS FROM THEM

Calmly take a sandwich AFTER those two do, then smile and politely thank him for the sandwich!
>>
No. 238429 ID: d97d76

>>238423
Prepare to stare at your sandwich as much as possible for the duration of this.
>>
No. 238433 ID: 3416ec

FLEE

FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE
>>
No. 238434 ID: d677cc

>>238423
You can do this, Ona.

You can do this.
>>
No. 238436 ID: a09a03

Don't let yourself be intimidated. If she attacks you later, you can always just stab her in the neck.
>>
No. 238441 ID: 2563d4

>>238423
You cannot resist the temptation of sandwiches.
>>
No. 238460 ID: 445c48

Stay for lunch. You can win this.
>>
No. 238474 ID: c71597

>>238423
Stay for lunch. Consider the possibility of putting some mellow drugs in Geppa's food.
>>
No. 238493 ID: 40cb26

Ona, you're going to have to win her over. I mean yeah she's still kinda crazy but she's SO much less crazy then earlier. I'm sure you can get on her good side. Or avoid her bad side.

...Her least bad side, let's aim for that?
>>
No. 238509 ID: 540d58

>>238423
Keep calm and join them for sandwiches. Get to know Geppa better. You WANT to get on her good side. Better to have a potential ally/friend than a close enemy who's willing to kill you for breaking her brother's heart.

Also why is Geppa calling Dompag 'little brother'? I always thought that he was the oldest here.
>>
No. 238532 ID: 3c3565
File 128624545167.gif - (6.15KB , 800x600 , 1192.gif )
238532

"O-okay, sure, I'll stay for lunch I guess..."
>"Great."

I sit back down. If something goes bad I am pinning this one on you.

>"TWO sandwiches? This is why you're so fat, little brother. Stop eating so much."
>"I can't help it, I'm hungry."
>"You're so big you could probably just squeeze into the front door and fall asleep, and you'd still keep people out."
>"Ah, but I prefer being awake when I guard the door."

This is so weird.
"Ah... so um, you know, I think you two make a good couple. It's nice to see that Dompag... er, that you've both found someone."
Dompag laughs with his mouth full of food.
>"Ha!"
>"What? Don't be weird!"
"...eh?"
>"Little brother's still looking for someone."
>"We're not romantic or anything. Geppa and I are like brother and sister."
"Really? But she's only been here... what, two... three days?"
>"He might be an oversized runt but he still deserves someone good. And I'll beat up anyone that tries to take advantage of my little brother!"
>"Easy, easy! I'm sure I can get a girl on my own. And anyway, I can take care of myself!"
>"Like hell you can! Look at you!"

This is so weird.
>>
No. 238535 ID: 67c611

Craaaaazy bitch.
>>
No. 238536 ID: 70d9eb

>>238532
Assure Geppa that Dompag can get any woman he wants. Wink at Dompag after you say so.
>>
No. 238537 ID: 701a19

>>238532
"Well, there's the princess. She seems to like you."
>>
No. 238540 ID: a594b9

>>238532
Ask if Geppa is aware of Dompag's hugeness.
>>
No. 238541 ID: d677cc

>>238532
Haha this is awkward.
>>
No. 238543 ID: 476456

they had a moment, a touching one.


no ona not that kind of touching.
>>
No. 238549 ID: 3c3565
File 128624801914.gif - (7.22KB , 800x600 , 1193.gif )
238549

"Well... th-the Princess sure seems to get along well with you, Dompag..."
>"Little brother, you stay away from her! Rich girls like her will only break your heart!"
>"Geeze, give me a break! I kinda like her."
>"That's part of her trap! I'll set you up with someone less cruel. Isn't that Kobold girl available?"
>"She has a boyfriend, sis."
>"Well I'll have a talk with him."

Help

>"What about the Goblin who was here the other day?"
>"Finnie? Well she's really cute, and I mean, I'd love to pursue it, but-"
>"You're right, she's not enough for my little brother."
>"No, I think I could make do."
>"What about her?"
>"What, Ona?"
>"Don't worry, I'll watch out for you. I'll make sure she won't break your heart. You may be stupid but you have big sis looking out for you now."
>"I don't think she's interested."
>"Nonsense, look how small she is. You could just-"
>"Geppa, we talked about this! You're not supposed to hurt people who are your friends."
>"Well she'd probably change her mind after a few days and then we wouldn't have to-"
>"Sis, she's sitting right here you know."

Help me
>>
No. 238550 ID: d677cc

>>238549
Just keep eating the sandwich.

If you run out of sandwich, say you'd like to go if that's alright. These two seem to have, um, an interesting relationship.
>>
No. 238551 ID: 476456

"wouldnt have to what?"
>>
No. 238552 ID: dad664

>>238549
Flee screaming into the night.
>>
No. 238553 ID: d97d76

>>238550
I think you mean start eating.

Breathe. Take a bite. Continue playing dumb. They seem to have the dialogue going pretty well on their own.
>>
No. 238554 ID: 3416ec

BAIL OUT NOW

RUN FOR YOUR ROOM

BAR THE DOOR

HIDE UNDER THE BED
>>
No. 238555 ID: 70d9eb

>>238549
Well? Are you interested? Geppa's giving you the go ahead.
Stuff the sandwich in your face if you aren't.
>>
No. 238556 ID: a594b9

>>238550
>keep eating
She hasn't taken a bite.

Okay. Ona. Repeat after me. "Rape is bad."
>>
No. 238557 ID: a09a03

OH NO ONA YOU HAVE LEFT YOUR POTION BREWING IT IS GOING TO BREW INCORRECTLY UNLESS YOU LEAVE IMMEDIATELY AND ATTEND TO IT
>>
No. 238558 ID: d677cc

>>238553
Yes, start eating. Not thinking straight.

Or, heck, just stare at the sandwich.
>>
No. 238560 ID: 3c3565
File 128624912173.gif - (7.54KB , 800x600 , 1194.gif )
238560

Sandwich.

>"I bet I could hold her down myself!"
>"SIS! You're being rude to my friend."
>"Don't talk back to me, little brother! I'm just doing what's best for you. Don't you understand I don't want to see you hurt?"
>"I know that, but I don't think that's the problem here."
>"Idiot."
>"Look, if you're okay with it, I wouldn't mind pursuing Ona, but I'm not going to use force."
>"Idiot! Everything needs a LITTLE force. Or else you couldn't even get out of bed!"
>"Well okay, but I won't use any more force than necessary!"
>"What do you say, Ona? I'm giving you permission to go out with my little brother, BUT I'll be watching you."


"..............Mphhbm."
>>
No. 238561 ID: 4f6e37

>>238560
Dompag is a true gentleman in a world where such people seem to be growing increasingly rare, Ona. You could do worse.
>>
No. 238562 ID: 476456

hey can you see in the dark?
>>
No. 238563 ID: 230121

>>238560
Looks like you have a date girl.
>>
No. 238564 ID: d677cc

>>238560
Shakily say you'll consider it.

She means well. She really does.
>>
No. 238565 ID: f44349

>>238560
OH NO LOOK AT THAT YOU LEFT A POTION BREWING GOODNESS YOU'D BETTER GO TEND TO IT RIGHT NOW
>>
No. 238566 ID: fd6d7e

>>238560

And then Ona's pupils surpassed the size of her head and escaped.
>>
No. 238567 ID: a594b9

It's rude to talk with your mouth full. Calmly chew and swallow then say okay. Seriously, Dompag's harmless.
>>
No. 238568 ID: 0e8759

If you refuse Dompag you'll offend Geppa. You can try saying that you want to take time and not get into a relationship under pressure.
>>
No. 238570 ID: e3f578

"I fucking love this sandwhich. What did you put in it?"
>>
No. 238571 ID: ee5df6

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you watching. I think I could only handle you listening."
>>
No. 238572 ID: d97d76

>>238560
Well, uh. Now that you've got Geppa's 'blessing', she might not take too kindly to a refusal. If you can get over your reservations here, in all seriousness, you might as well go along with it. Dompag seems pretty cool. Might find you have something in common.

Really, I'd be far more concerned about Geppa than him.
>>
No. 238574 ID: a09a03

Say "THE LARGE EYES OF MY SPECIES GIVE US EXCELLENT VISION UNDER ALL CIRCUMSTANCES"

Then try the potion excuse.
>>
No. 238580 ID: 3c3565
File 128625048775.gif - (7.74KB , 800x600 , 1195.gif )
238580

"WHMPH. Mhhh fhhg hhbhhd hhd. Hhhf, hhg hh hhb mmhh pmmhbfhm bhhmhm, fhhh hhu hhhrr."

>"...what?"
"Bhh-bhh!"
>>
No. 238582 ID: e3f578

Need a moment? Eat a sammich
>>
No. 238583 ID: 3416ec

Now march out of there and back to making potions or whatever.
>>
No. 238584 ID: a594b9

>>238580
I said it's rude to talk with your mouth full, silly girl. Seriously.
>>
No. 238586 ID: d97d76

>>238580
Or you could quickly go tend to that potion thing that obviously needs tending to. That works too.
>>
No. 238597 ID: 17beed

Now walk away like you have given a sufficient answer.
No one would be the wiser.
>>
No. 238602 ID: 540d58

>>238580
Finish eating your sandwich, CALMLY, and just go out with Dompag.
At least it'll get you out of the current situation, and THEN you can figure things out.
>>
No. 238609 ID: 445c48

Keep talking with your mouth full, try to get across that something urgent has popped up, sorry, and walk out while still talking through a mouth fulla sammich
>>
No. 238611 ID: 9bd27f

>>238580

If they follow, pretend to choke on the sandwich.

Actually scratch that. Fire us over into Dompag. We'll fuck with his head while you make your escape.
>>
No. 238729 ID: e4a16b

>>238580
Aha! You have a way out.
There are no DRINKS.
Signal that you're going for a drink. Then hide.
>>
No. 238740 ID: c71597

>>238580
Tell her that you need some drinks to celebrate this occasion or something. Go get some, put some tasteless mellow out drugs in Geppas. Or possibly in all of them, you should be fine due to being used to it and stuff.

Then when things are less intense you can consider your options.
>>
No. 238765 ID: 365adf

>>238740
Yeah, that will work great when someone recognizes the taste/smell/effect of the mellow out drug and asks why we were drugging them. Then we'll get a rape thing.

Maybe we should act like a sane person.
>>
No. 238770 ID: c71597

>>238765
That's why I said tasteless. And seriously, we need to speak with Dompag about this without Geppa's threats to murder Ona hanging over the entire conversation. If Geppa is out or atleast doped up enough not to care that much anymore we can talk without the deaththreat. And hopefully make sure Dompag keeps her from killing Ona if she figures out what happened.
>>
No. 238795 ID: 445c48

If you're going to get drinks, no drugs, just strong alcohol.
>>
No. 238800 ID: fd6d7e

>>238795

>> no drugs, just strong alcohol.

ಠ_ಠ
>>
No. 238801 ID: 620bfb

>"I bet I could hold her down myself!"

This is very quickly becoming one of those rape things.
>>
No. 238808 ID: e3f578

>>238580
Just say relationships intimidate you. I think you're too much of as scardy cat to do anything with potions or drugs.

Honesty is the best policy and a relationship with Dompag would terrify the fuck outta you because he's soooooo big.
>>
No. 238852 ID: 3c3565
File 128631599963.gif - (6.59KB , 800x600 , 1196.gif )
238852

Mumph.

Some help YOU all were back there! I thought you were supposed to be my backup! My cavalry! Instead you hang me out to dry and tell me to slip 'em drugs? Staying at that table was a bad idea.

And what the hell is with your advice?
You think I should date DOMPAG?
Like oh well hey he's PROBABLY not a rapist, so that means you should date him! Really? If that's what it takes to be considered a real catch around here, I should reconsider my employment here!

Dompag's intimidating enough without his new "sister". What the fuck was up with THAT? Did he honestly say they're not having sex?
The last thing a guy like that needs is a bad influence!
>>
No. 238856 ID: 476456

>>238852

hey hey hey, he is nothing but chivalrous young miss.
>>
No. 238858 ID: 127c1a

if you left then Geppa would of considered it rude and probably try to kill you. you deny her request you date dompag, she kill you. she is a nutter. and the only hope you have is to go out with dompag a little and then have HIM dump YOU where she can see it happen. if he "breaks your heart" then geppa is fine cause it looks like you tried and she will get off your back.
>>
No. 238865 ID: 230121

>>238852
So what is it with you and rape anyway? Just becasue someone has all the tools doesn't mean they are a criminal.

I mean sure, Dompag is a womanizer, but he certainly seems to be gentleman about it. Most people don't go through life fixating on immanent danger around every corner, well unless they have Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder.
>>
No. 238868 ID: d97d76

>>238852
Okay that conversation back there got a little ugly but nobody is raping anybody here. Honest.

With the possible exception of Geppa. Bitch be crazy.

If Geppa is willing to leave it at this, then fine, you managed to get yourself off the hook. If she continues breathing down your neck about it though, you'd honestly be safer conceding to be Dompag's squeeze. He may be Geppa's 'little brother' figure but if he sees her trying to attack you he's not gonna play favourites. You're all under the same roof and it is as much his duty to keep everyone in here from killing each other as it is to keep outside forces from killing you.
>>
No. 238873 ID: 0b2a05

Honestly, sometimes the best way to handle a situation is just to duck under and hope the waves calm down long enough for you to leave. This way she'll just be confused or dismissive of you instead of holding a grudge!

But we digress, you should go see the kobolds. Or make something, making things is fun!
>>
No. 238876 ID: 3c3565
File 128631799364.gif - (12.10KB , 800x600 , 1197.gif )
238876

Look, say what you will, but Dompag intimidates me. I was able to get out of that with a semi-answer and hopefully she'll leave it at that and so will he, but even if you're right and he is a gentleman, his new "sister" is a bad influence. The last thing he needs is someone ENCOURAGING him to get grabby, or worse.

Anyway, I'll check on the kobolds I guess. They've been working on something in secret since the other day, and they're holed up in Finnie's room now that's she's gone off with Mister Muschio.

Ashedel's on that scouting mission to whatsitcalled-Tower, so it's pretty quiet around here right now. Just the five of us.
>>
No. 238878 ID: 127c1a

uhhh, what is going on on the blackboard?
>>
No. 238879 ID: 3c3565
File 128631828322.gif - (12.08KB , 800x600 , 1198.gif )
238879

Tislomer likes to draw on the blackboard. Looks like a little Dompag with a "big sister". I guess the kobolds must know about them already.
I dunno what's on the right side though. Looks like they were trying to plan something out? They could be schematics.
Looks like maybe a carpenter's assembly?

Knock knock
"You two in there?"
>"Yes! Don't come in! Just a second!"
>>
No. 238881 ID: 127c1a

i think i know what the experiment was.
>>
No. 238882 ID: a594b9

>>238879
Wait until they say it's okay.
>>
No. 238883 ID: abb30a

>>238879
Burst in suddenly.
>>
No. 238884 ID: 127c1a

barge in like a boss.
>>
No. 238885 ID: 70d9eb

>>238879
Well Ona, Tislomer and Babrakus were trying to figure out how to do it. I think the blackboard is them finding success and detailing it. You should congratulate them when you see them. A high five to Babrakus is in order.
>>
No. 238890 ID: 230121

>>238879
Well, it is a woodworking project I'll say that much.
>>
No. 238898 ID: 620bfb

I'm proud that they're doing this the scientific way.
>>
No. 238899 ID: 1578e2

>>238879
ONA THEY ARE TRYING TO HAVE SEX LEAVE THEM ALONE

or teach them how that is ok too
>>
No. 238901 ID: 3c3565
File 12863192263.gif - (10.27KB , 800x600 , 1199.gif )
238901

I wait for a moment.
>"...okay, come on in!"

I walk in. The place smells... weird. Like sweat. And some kind of oil. Woodworking oil probably. The floor is scuffed and dirty, and the incense isn't burning, but probably should be.
Tislomer greets me.

>"Oh! Hey, Ona. What's up?"
>>
No. 238903 ID: 127c1a

ask what they are working on. is it under the blanket?


where is Bab?
>>
No. 238904 ID: f52552

>>238878
Obviously, they've figured out her proclivities, and they're making her 'one of those rape things'.
>>
No. 238905 ID: 2563d4

>>238901
Inquire what's under the sheet. Go to move it as you do.
>>
No. 238906 ID: e31d52

Okay they are most definitely having sex.

Smile, wish them luck, and leave.
>>
No. 238907 ID: a41aaf

It appears Tislomer and Babrakus are having some mechanical issues.
>>
No. 238908 ID: 0b2a05

You know... being disembodied voices, we might be lacking in girl talk... Maybe this would be a good time to ask her about how she handles all of it?
>>
No. 238909 ID: 230121

>>238901
You probably don't want to look under that sheet. Lest you discover the precise identity of that peculiar smell.
>>
No. 238910 ID: 1c3ab0

WHAT'S UNDER THE BLANKET TISLOMER
>>
No. 238912 ID: 230121

>>238901
Wait, this is Finesse's room isn't it? Man, we 'really' need to expand the dungeon.
>>
No. 238913 ID: a594b9

Ask what they're doing; do not roughly grasp and remove the blanket. You probably won't like what you see.
>>
No. 238914 ID: a09a03

Say "Aww, are you and Babrakus foolin' around? Ha ha, well, I'll just leave."
>>
No. 238916 ID: 3c3565
File 128632004961.gif - (10.78KB , 800x600 , 1200.gif )
238916

You're right. I should check under the blanket. Good suggestion.

"What are you working on in here? What's under the blanket?"
>"NOTHING! Ha ha...! It's a surprise! Ha ha Ona ha ha you are so curious okay it's a surprise okay come on no peeking."
"Oh, okay. Sorry."
>"Ha ha. Hum."
>>
No. 238917 ID: d3dfb8

... this is one of those rape things.
Time to leave.
>>
No. 238918 ID: 2563d4

>>238917
Oh, stop that. This is entirely consensual.

Ask to join in.
>>
No. 238919 ID: 1c3ab0

Prod it. Hard.
>>
No. 238920 ID: a09a03

Say "Aw, if you two are fooling around, you don't have to be all ashamed about it. Everyone knows you like each other."
>>
No. 238921 ID: a594b9

>>238916
Inspect the floor. What could've caused all those scuffs?
>>
No. 238922 ID: 70d9eb

>>238916
Tislomer might be plotting to overthrow the master. UNEARTH THE UNHOLY SPECTACLE BENEATH THE BLANKET.
>>
No. 238923 ID: e31d52

>>238920
>>
No. 238926 ID: 2563d4

>>238920
(We really do have to get that one in before we get shoo'd out, though.)
>>
No. 238927 ID: c71597

>>238916
Ask her who it's a surprise for.
>>
No. 238932 ID: 1963d1

WHAT'S SHE BUUUIILLLLDIIING IN THEEEEERRREE?
>>
No. 238934 ID: a594b9

Suggest that she light incense.
>>
No. 238936 ID: 476456

walk away, but hold onto the tarp.
>>
No. 238959 ID: d677cc

>>238920
Really.
>>
No. 238960 ID: 0b2a05

Ask if you can light the incense. It's awfully musky in there.
>>
No. 239014 ID: e4a16b

>>238916
Say Hi to Babrakus.
>>
No. 239031 ID: 8a6625

ask her where barbakus is
>>
No. 239039 ID: 1578e2

Form a tube with one hand's fingers. Press the forefinger of your other hand through the tube in a mode imitating intercourse. Wink knowingly and leave.
>>
No. 239055 ID: f52552

>>239014
This, on the way out.
>>
No. 239102 ID: 3c3565
File 128633559937.gif - (10.91KB , 800x600 , 1201.gif )
239102

I guess you're right -- whatever she's up to, I might as well leave her alone.
"Tislomer, you know, nobody cares what you and Babrakus do together. It's nobody's business but your own."
>"Uh... okay."

Well. Okay then.
>"Ona, wait!"
"Eh?"
>"Um... ummmm. Um. Um. Umm... Um. What uh, what do you...?"

This sounds important.
"Yes?"
>"Uh, do you know about boys?"
>>
No. 239105 ID: d677cc

>>239102
Well, do you?

As awkward as it might be, it couldn't hurt to help these two. :V
>>
No. 239106 ID: e31d52

>>239102
You might as well sit down and give her advice. Make sure she understands that sex forms babby, all that.

And the how, as well.
>>
No. 239107 ID: 127c1a

yeah, i think you should help, otherwise they may do something wrong and hurt themselves. just do what the other one said. make a O with one hand and move your finger in and out of it. should illustrate the point well enough.
>>
No. 239110 ID: dad664
File 128633585851.png - (92.82KB , 212x321 , BartSeesWhatYouDidThere.png )
239110

>>239102
<- Make this face

Then

"...what do you mean."
>>
No. 239117 ID: d97d76

>>239102
Good question. I mean here you are, always on edge about 'one of those rape things' (and I guess we're partly to blame for that), but aside from that...
>>
No. 239120 ID: 3c3565
File 128633648010.gif - (5.65KB , 800x600 , 1202.gif )
239120

"...sure, I know lots about boys. Uh... what exactly do you need?"
>"Well. Um. UM. It's kind of embarrassing."
"It's okay, I'm a doctor. Sort of. Plus we're friends right? You can talk to me."
>"Well, okay. See, um, me and Babrakus... we're starting to get kind of serious..."
"What, do you want my blessing?"

>"Actually I kind of want instructions."
"Yeah I was afraid of that."
>>
No. 239121 ID: e31d52

>>239120
here we go
>>
No. 239123 ID: dad664

>>239120
"Alright, go get loverboy, then come back here and sit down.

The Love Doctor is in the house!"
>>
No. 239124 ID: 230121

>>239120
Hey you know them bolds right?
>>
No. 239125 ID: 476456

"babs come out from under the sheet"
>>
No. 239126 ID: a594b9

>>239120
Give them a clinical, straightforward, clear explanation.

I have a feeling they've been trying to put it in the wrong hole.
>>
No. 239131 ID: 70d9eb

>>239120
You should probably directly supervise over them. They might hurt themselves.
>>
No. 239133 ID: d97d76

Have fun.
>>
No. 239139 ID: 8a6625

bab needs to hear it too, he could hurt her if he screwed up
>>
No. 239141 ID: 445c48

>>239126
This, but also call yourself the love doctor.
>>
No. 239144 ID: 620bfb

It's just like what's on the board. Tab A, slot B.
>>
No. 239148 ID: 3c3565
File 128633740694.gif - (8.48KB , 800x600 , 1203.gif )
239148

"Okay, well, um, Babrakus should probably be here to hear this too, you know."
>"NO!"
She waves her hands frantically and glances around, then leans in closer and starts to whisper.
>"Babrakus is the one I'm trying to have a relationship with! Shhhhh!"

"...I know that."
>"Well then I don't want him to know what I'm planning!"

"What ARE you planning?"
>"I'm trying to get serious! We had lunch together a couple times, and we hugged, and like... well, we hugged. And we had lunch. And... and I don't know what comes next."

>>
No. 239151 ID: 620bfb

>>239148
Dinner?
>>
No. 239152 ID: 4f6e37

>>239148
Kissing. Explain kissing.
>>
No. 239153 ID: d677cc

>>239148
Tell her that what comes next is something Babrakus needs to hear too.
>>
No. 239155 ID: dad664

>>239148
Lock the door to avoid embarrassing barge-ins.
>>
No. 239156 ID: e31d52

>>239148
oh my god so cute
>>
No. 239158 ID: 7afa6e

>>239148

Well, ok, first things first. You have some contraceptive herbs for her or something, right? Best get the safety part of it out of the way first, then the... mechanics.

Perhaps you should go outside and use the blackboard.
>>
No. 239163 ID: 8a6625

ask her how far shewants to go first
>>
No. 239165 ID: a594b9

Well, after hugging there's kissing. After kissing, there's touching and rubbing over clothes... after that, there's touching under clothes... and after that there's sex.

Hell just give her the rundown. Give detailed explanations, and answer her questions carefully to ensure she doesn't misunderstand anything.
>>
No. 239166 ID: 3416ec

Invent movies so you can go see them.

Hell, those dwarves have vending machines. Why not movies?
>>
No. 239167 ID: a594b9

...also make sure she knows it's probably not wise to do this stuff to Babrakus without explaining it first. Surprise kissing is not enjoyable.
>>
No. 239172 ID: 3c3565
File 12863383555.gif - (8.01KB , 800x600 , 1204.gif )
239172

Oh! That's not so bad.
ALSO SEX DOES NOT COME RIGHT AFTER HUGGING AND LUNCH. You guys need to slow down!
"Oh, okay! Well. Uh, if you have been hugging, you should try kissing!"
>"Okay shhh but tell me about that."

"...you don't know what kissing is."
>"Well sort of I do I mean a little bit but I mean, I want to see if YOU know."

"Well okay, uh. It's pretty simple. You just like... put your mouths together. You make a little kissy mouth, you know, like you're blowing on hot soup, and then you put your mouths together."
>"Should I write this down?"
"Uh... that's about all there is. I don't think you should."
>"Okay because I don't know how to write."

Uh.

>Surprise kissing is not enjoyable.
What are you talking about? I think that's sweet! What's wrong with surprise kisses?
>>
No. 239174 ID: 3416ec

Talk to them about nose rubbing.
>>
No. 239175 ID: 127c1a

because babraksus doesn't know what it is and so may freak out or something when tislomer tries it.
>>
No. 239176 ID: d677cc

>>239172
I... think you might have to actually walk them both through the kissing bit.
>>
No. 239178 ID: f52552
File 128633849114.png - (270.85KB , 389x368 , timcurrythecorgi.png )
239178

>>239172
You're going to have to demonstrate.
Thoroughly.
>>
No. 239179 ID: 230121

>>239172
Well, he does have a fairly sharp nose so, she may just want to remember that when she goes in for the kiss.
>>
No. 239180 ID: 7afa6e

You know Ona, not to besmirch your knowledge or anything, but I think Ash would be better suited to this kind of teaching.
>>
No. 239181 ID: 7afa6e

Oh, but for immediate consumption, remember that these two have snouts, so they'll probably need to each tilt their heads to the side and open up a bit to get a proper kiss going.
>>
No. 239182 ID: dad664

>>239180
Sure, if we want Tislomer to sprain her tongue maybe.
>>
No. 239183 ID: 8a6625

>>239172
maybe it does in kobold culture?
>>
No. 239185 ID: 701a19

>>239172
Surprise practice kiss her. Show her how it's done.
>>
No. 239186 ID: a594b9

>>239172
I mean surprise kissing when you don't know what it is. Sure, normally it's great but I imagine the confusion would ruin the moment.

Anyway... ask if she wants to practice. Kissing other girls for practice is fine, right?
>>
No. 239196 ID: 620bfb

I still say the next logical step would be dinner. After that, then kissing. Bolds have to take it slow, they have years of confusingly functional evolution to beat.
>>
No. 239197 ID: a09a03

Pantomime.
>>
No. 239198 ID: 8a6625

>>239185
I aprove this idea
>>
No. 239210 ID: 3c3565
File 128633971812.gif - (7.45KB , 800x600 , 1205.gif )
239210

I AM NOT GOING TO PRACTICE KISSING. I KNOW YOU ARE WATCHING.

And anyway surprise kissing is sweet. Showing affection like that is adorable. Just because it's a surprise doesn't change anything! Love is love, unannounced or otherwise.

>"Are you okay?"
"Hm? Oh. Uh, yeah. I'm just talking to... you know. The voices."
>"Oh! Yeah, I know. Don't worry, I'll wait."
>>
No. 239213 ID: a594b9

>>239210
What about surprise sex then?
>>
No. 239214 ID: 476456

oh we're just teasing~
>>
No. 239216 ID: dad664

>>239210
HEY TISLOMER.

HEY

HEEEEEEEY.

IF YOU CAN HEAR US YOU SHOULD TOTALLY ASK TO PRACTICE ON ONA :D
>>
No. 239220 ID: d97d76

I HAVE NEVER KNOWN THE TOUCH OF A WOMAN AND NEVER WILL

I AM NOT QUALIFIED TO GIVE ADVICE IN THIS CONTEXT SO ALL THE ASSHOLES ARE TAKING OVER

goddammit. I'm gonna go make a sandwich
>>
No. 239230 ID: fd6d7e

Poor Ona. I think this is the first time she's ever seen the full brunt of our unreliabile nature.

Just tell Tislomer to rub Babarakus's nose with her own. Most Kobolds seem to be pretty much satisfied with that.
>>
No. 239240 ID: 8a6625

>>239230
this pretty much
>>
No. 239244 ID: 701a19

>>239210
Draw diagrams. Kobolds are a lot better with pictures than words.
Also, describe it as like trying to lick the other person's mouth clean.
>>
No. 239358 ID: c71597

>>239210
Fine, then don't. Instead offer to teach Tislomer how to read and write. So she can read some of those nifty instruction manuals you probably have stashed away somewhere, or write her some.
>>
No. 239362 ID: 8b9dd7

Could always just kiss something else, not her. You could kiss a pillow to show her.
>>
No. 239388 ID: 2563d4

>>239230
Babaracus is a dragonbold. He has a pointy nose. Caution would be advised.
>>
No. 239391 ID: 365adf

You know, back when her face was burned off, Tislomer claimed that Babrakus kissed her all the time.

>>/questarch/124003

What happened? Did he lose interest when she was fixed? D:
>>
No. 239394 ID: 2563d4

>>239210
Show her how to dance with him, you sissy. You can do that without it being voyeur central.
>>
No. 239398 ID: 8b9dd7

>>239391
Realize she said he kisses her all the time, even while she's wearing that. She might've known the word, but not actually doing it.
>>
No. 239404 ID: 540d58

Pretty much a combination of this >>239230 and this >>239391
>>
No. 239407 ID: 3c3565
File 128637800445.gif - (5.55KB , 800x600 , 1206.gif )
239407

She said that? I guess I could ask.

"Tislomer, they told me you said you and Babrakus kissed before."
>"Oh... um."

She glances over her shoulder, then goes back to whispering.
>"See, um... I was just saying that... I wanted the Boss to think me and Babrakus were really good at this."

...

>"Anyway... um... I'll try it. We'll try some things. Babrakus is pretty smart. We'll figure out how to do it."

"If you need any more help... uh..."

um
hm.

"...maybe you should ask Finesse or something."
>>
No. 239409 ID: 2563d4

>>239407
You're a pretty terrible therapist, Ona.
>>
No. 239410 ID: e31d52

>>239407
Hug the poor girl and tell her the first time is always the hardest, but after that everything gets easier.
>>
No. 239412 ID: 2044df

>>239407

Tell her to suck it up and stop being a bitch
>>
No. 239414 ID: 754124

>>239407
>"...maybe you should ask Finesse or something."
Well, you're a rude bitch, Ona.
>>
No. 239417 ID: a09a03

Just pantomime a kiss for her. You don't have to actually touch anything. Sheesh.
>>
No. 239423 ID: 18a0dd

>>239410
Yeah just tell her everything is going to be fine and not to stress out so much... just let things happen, don't try to force them.
>>
No. 239424 ID: f52552

Good god, woman.
You didn't live in a caravan with a girl named Amina at any point, did you?
>>
No. 239427 ID: dad664

>>239407
Or maybe we can direct her to Ridder's mom, Ritari.

Hell, if anyone can explain the birds and the bees, it's a mom.
>>
No. 239428 ID: 135871

>>239427
this
>>
No. 239429 ID: a63596

oh, or maybe the other kobolds that live at ridder's, iegsip and nakraska.
>>
No. 239434 ID: 3c3565
File 128638829660.gif - (9.94KB , 800x600 , 1207.gif )
239434

"You're okay, Tislomer. I'm sure you and Babrakus will figure it out. Just take it slow and I know you two will be happy together."
>"You're right... thanks, Ona. I feel a lot better."
"...you do? Really?"
>"Yeah."
"...good! I mean, yeah... um, I'm glad... anyway... don't stress, just, you know, have fun together. That's all you really need to worry about."
>"Okay."

"...well I'll leave you to get back to your 'experiments' now..."
>"Okay. Thanks Ona."
>>
No. 239435 ID: a63596

awwwwww.
>>
No. 239436 ID: 365adf

>>239434
Adorable.

Well your work is done. Leave the kobolds to their snout frottage.
>>
No. 239479 ID: 540d58

>>239434
You know, for a second there, you actually looked like you would be a good mother in a near future.
And I'm not even kidding.
>>
No. 239488 ID: e3f578

Cue Full House music.
>>
No. 239490 ID: 2044df

>>239434

Now, nibble her neck a little.
>>
No. 239492 ID: e4a16b

>>239434
Now that that's hopefully settled:
How long has Master Muschio been gone? We're a little bit weak on the whole 'passage of time' thing. I'm going to presume its been several days given that Geppa has improved so much.

And yes, her current behavior IS an improvement, trust us.

Beyond that, show us your work! You're one the most magically-talented persons we've met so far, and we're intrigued.
>>
No. 239509 ID: 8b9dd7

Touching scene, cute really, although I have to agree with
>>239492

One of the reasons we prefer scarin ya is because we have no clue of what much you can do.
>>
No. 239514 ID: 476456

"wait so whats under the tarp if its not babs."
>>
No. 239578 ID: f03d2b

>>239172
>>"Okay because I don't know how to write."
...
I think this is the first time I've actually laughed out loud at a Quest.
>>
No. 239655 ID: ee5df6

Hey, you know who we haven't heard much from? The princess! Maybe you can go talk to her, brighten her day while getting some info for the boss. Win/win, right?
>>
No. 239880 ID: 8b9dd7

I wonder if we could convince the boss to put a shard of us into the princess? He could have us watchin her 24/7!
>>
No. 239883 ID: 2563d4

>>239880
...I really can't see him wanting his mind to have anything to do with her.
>>
No. 239898 ID: 438218

>>239883
Agreed. Besides, it really won't help the situation if the princess becomes convinced that her captor is completely off his rocker.

Checking out her "cell" is as good an idea as any. No more fancy tea parties with Dompag for her, though. Not while Geppa is around.
>>
No. 239934 ID: 1ef7bb

>>239655
> Maybe you can go talk to her, brighten her day while getting some info for the boss.
> while getting some info about the boss.
Ya know, it occurs to me that there are gaps in our knowledge about ourselves. I mean, we know most of the story, but it's all entirely from the Boss's perspective, from his memories, which I guess makes sense because he is our memory, but we don't remember things unless he remembers them, which makes it hard to remember, and good god this gets really confusing sometimes.
Anyway my point is nobody else around here was ever involved in royalty. It might be interesting to hear a few things from someone else's perspective. I totally support paying a visit to the princess if we can.
>>
No. 240045 ID: 3c3565
File 128650051419.gif - (9.33KB , 800x600 , 1208.gif )
240045

Oh well gee I guess you're right, maybe we should look at me for a while. Let's focus on me and my work.
Let's go do that now.
>>
No. 240046 ID: 3c3565
File 128650058164.gif - (36.47KB , 800x600 , 1209.gif )
240046

What have I been up to since I came aboard?

Oh gee I dunno not much you know just a little cooking you know some small things not much just you know just THIS.
WHA-BAM.

THIS.

>>
No. 240049 ID: dad664

>>240045
Onaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Are you practicing eldritch magic behind Muschio's back?

AGAIN?
>>
No. 240050 ID: a594b9

>>240046
Awesome! What is it?
>>
No. 240051 ID: d677cc

>>240046
It looks impressive!

... What is it?
>>
No. 240052 ID: 70d9eb

>>240046
WHOA SHIT LOOK AT THAT FUCKING THING IT IS SO BLUE
What is it and how can we use it for evil?
>>
No. 240057 ID: dad664
File 128650087965.png - (19.96KB , 184x184 , CjozepajTF2.png )
240057

>>240046
Oh no.

What have you done. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

YOU FOOL. YOU FOOLISH FOOL WHO FOOLS AROUND FOOLISHLY WITH FOOLISH FOOLISHNESS
>>
No. 240058 ID: 3416ec

You'd better not be releasing any Lovecraftian horror o'er the land, Ona.
>>
No. 240059 ID: e31d52

>>240046
Wait you guys

Is that a secondary monster portal that can't be tipped over?
>>
No. 240060 ID: 620bfb

Gives me the jeebies. So far just the regular kind until I figure out exactly what it's for.
>>
No. 240062 ID: 2563d4

>>240046
What did you paint it with, and does it summon anything tentacle-y?

Because you know what tentacles do, Ona.
>>
No. 240064 ID: 3c3565
File 128650154291.gif - (37.95KB , 800x600 , 1210.gif )
240064

Big glyph installments like these help channel and focus a witch doctor's power. With something like this established in the base, I can use the room as a channeling point to focus and amplify my own powers, and broadcast them over a distance. Now, they get weaker with physical range. Of course, there are ways around this -- you know, typical witch doctory stuff: locks of hair, sculpted fetishes and idols, and so on and so on. Anyhow, this glyph is just made of simple herbary ingredients and dye, so it's nothing too fancy or powerful, but it's a start, and it gives me a leg up on my abilities. Later on if we can get our hands on some real mystical ingredients we'll do better, but I can make do.

Obviously closer is better and I can't really pull off anything too amazing right now, especially at any kind of distance, but it's better than nothing, right?

So from now on I guess this will be my cursin' room.
Hope Mister Muschio doesn't mind I used his chambers for this.
>>
No. 240065 ID: 3416ec

Conjure yourself up a cheeseburger.
>>
No. 240068 ID: 2563d4

>>240064
>Hope Mister Muschio doesn't mind I used his chambers for this.
...ppprrrooobably should have had the little Odd dudes dig you out a new room for it.
>>
No. 240070 ID: 70d9eb

>>240064
Can you pull off helpful curses at high range? Muschio might need an edge at some point.
You should ask Finesse for a lock of Muschio's hair, or a sculpted idol of him. I'm sure she has some spare.
>>
No. 240071 ID: d677cc

>>240068
Yyyyyyyeah Maybe.
>>
No. 240073 ID: 56dc25

>>240064
Might want to get those guys expanding the base to make sure there's a bigger room which you can declare Muschio's new and better room, thus giving you a convenient excuse for having appropriated his old one.

Also, start collecting blood samples, locks of hair, and what have you from everyone else on the base. And get some skulls or large, ominous masks or something for appropriate decor.
>>
No. 240074 ID: e31d52

Actually you know if he can put his desk up and stuff it's not that bad as a decoration
>>
No. 240076 ID: 540d58

>>240064
For some reason I think you should have asked him first.

I wonder though. It only enhances YOUR abilities or anyone's who is close to it?? If it can be used against you then you should be careful...
>>
No. 240085 ID: 8b9dd7

What can you pull off in the "Cursin' room"?
>>
No. 240086 ID: 192c6d

>>240068

Mushio has been needing a room more befitting his ... well, whatever he's decided on right now.

But since Ash and Ridder seem to be an item, now, we might want to just ask Mushio about giving him a new room (and this is totally better than being stuck in one of those barrack-rape-things).
>>
No. 240095 ID: 3c3565
File 128650424563.gif - (38.28KB , 800x600 , 1211.gif )
240095

If Muschio's at the Red Mesas, he's too far away to work on. And curses, by definition, are generally bad things. I know a few helpful rituals and some healing chants but not really anything that can be invoked over a long distance.

I can also do a lot of exorcisms and un-cursings, and generally remove most basic witchcraft-induced ailments.
Just think of me as a really good nurse and a pretty good witch. I'll do my best!
>>
No. 240097 ID: c59f60

what is with that line on the left wall?
>>
No. 240098 ID: e31d52

>>240095
>>240095
>Helpful rituals

Care to elaborate?
>>
No. 240101 ID: dad664

>>240095
Could you theoretically imbue items with curses/boons that could be activated at a later time? Like with a trigger word or something?
>>
No. 240102 ID: dad664

>>240095
Also sorry if this is a horrendous faux pas, but...

WHY ARE YOUR EYES SO DAMN HUGE?!
>>
No. 240104 ID: 620bfb

>>240102
She's good at making drugs. Real good.
>>
No. 240113 ID: a17cca

>>240095
C̡͚͇̗̖̣̜̬̜̝̕͜J̰͉̝̰̻̰͜O͘͞҉̠̬̳̜̼̟̰P̴͕͖̹̀͢ͅA҉̵̥̰̳̦̝̺́ͅẔ̨̤E̵̡̨̦͕
>>
No. 240117 ID: 2563d4

>>240097
(I think that's the doorway to Mushio's [Ashedel's?] bedroom, whereas this would be pokey little room with the desk where he did the FFFFFFFFF-bomb once.)

>>240095
We need a guinea pig to give this baby a spin.

Where'd that fishface Tislomer was hanging out with at one point got to?
>>
No. 240127 ID: 0b2a05

There's been a bit of a break-in problem, do you think you could fix up an alarm system, or a contingency curse that makes people's skin flake off if they aren't invited in?
>>
No. 240134 ID: d97d76

This isn't going to ultimately culminate in you mutating into something like Tislomer did from that potion, is it
>>
No. 240149 ID: ee5df6

>>240117
>We need a guinea pig to give this baby a spin.

>Where'd that fishface Tislomer was hanging out with at one point got to?

Excellent idea! And if we can't find him, well. . . guess it's back to the princess. *evil grin*
>>
No. 240160 ID: e31d52

>>240149
But what would we curse the princess with? Rotten luck?
>>
No. 240161 ID: b36dbd

>>240149
Perhaps with some kind of curse that attracts bees...?
>>
No. 240162 ID: 2563d4

>>240160
An itching sensation in proximity to ogres.

It's easy to test if it worked and not entirely ruinous if it's irreversable.
>>
No. 240170 ID: e31d52

No, a curse that attracts cats.

As powerful as possible.
>>
No. 240178 ID: ee5df6

>>240170
Psh, no. It would be all too likely she'd be all, "Oh, what cute little ugly cats!" and start petting them, grateful for the company. If we're going to cast something, we've got to cast something that won't backfire so easily. On the other hand, I like my women like I like my coffee. . . covered in BEES!
>>
No. 240181 ID: f52552

Nah, I vote immediate effects.
Ona, what curses do you think you can reliably do?
Would turning someone bright purple fall into that category?
Or putting a big 'DO NOT TRUST THIS PERSON' mark on their forehead or something?
>>
No. 240182 ID: c59f60

no wait, a perfect one. put on the front you. "you cannot leave the building unless you have a part of the orb"
would make it so we can let the princess out of the cage and not worry about her running off. as well as trap thieves and stuff.
>>
No. 240218 ID: e4a16b

>>240095
Are the shards a suitable connection for long-distance magic? They let us communicate over long distances and move our perception almost instantly from person to person. We'd be happy to help if its of benefit to Muschio. Or entertaining enough.
>>
No. 240219 ID: e3f578

Can you detect people? Try and detect the intruder that got Tislomer hurt and scared before you came.

If not, take care of any SPIES in the base.
>>
No. 240221 ID: 511785

>>240182
This could have dreadful consequences. A powerful enough creature, not having a part of the orb, might try to drive us away from the Vault. Plus, we're kind of screwing Muschio by not giving him a say in who gets "connected".

But our den does need some sort of ward against intruders. Ideally, reversible stun/paralysis/flesh-to-stone/whatever to pin them down. That way we won't accidentally decrepify someone who can be interrogated.
If it's too powerful an effect, is it possible to tie it to some kind of fuel? Blood always works, right? I mean, we could always ask Babrakus to gather some from animals, so that should be plentiful, for what it's worth. Throw us a bone here.

So, about those mystical ingredient stuff. If there is anything in particular that you can think of, make sure to let us know. We'll tell Muschio to look out for those on his way back from our little diplomatic mission. Or maybe the bugfolk have something of use.

Oh, and you look much cuter when you're not so anxious about the r-word.
>>
No. 240263 ID: c2c011

>>240095
Hmm, if you made a fetish of master Mushio, could you make your beneficial stuff work on him at such a range? Because there should be some hair and stuff lying around that you can use.
>>
No. 240268 ID: 1578e2

Oh Ona, since you used Master Muschio's chambers for this, we need to know: How well does glyph magic stand up to, say, being roughly pressed against the wall and sexxed violently from behind?

Purely hypothetical.
>>
No. 240292 ID: 540d58

I think we should wait until Master Muschio returns.

Maybe he has some ideas on who to use this glyph-thingy on. And if we're lucky, he'll let us use the princess as a guinea pig.
>>
No. 240301 ID: 6d4338

>>240292
Musicho does not have ideas, he can't make decisions, that's our job.
>>
No. 240311 ID: 8b9dd7

>>240301

It's what we're here for of course. It's not like we can innately betray him anyways... Of course testing our boundries should be a bit of a choice.

I suggest cursing that crazed "big sister" so that she can't harm you in the future.
>>
No. 240324 ID: 365adf

>>240311
>curse Geppa

This is an interesting direction. How specific can you make curses? Can you make it so that she is unable to harm you specifically? Or perhaps unable to harm anyone in Muschio's employ?

I recommend against "Can't hurt anyone" as a generic, because she may well need to fight for Muschio at some point. But having a psychotic like her around is a lot less dangerous if she is incapable of hurting allies.
>>
No. 240344 ID: 4c13fa

curse the geppa sounds good really
>>
No. 240347 ID: d677cc

>>240324
I do rather like this plan. Honestly it's for her own sake as much as anything; she's not as crazy as she used to be but she still seems uncomfortably unstable.
>>
No. 240412 ID: 3c3565
File 128658481236.gif - (37.94KB , 800x600 , 1212.gif )
240412

Well, I'm not the best Witch Doctor in the world, but I try. Truth is I know more than 150 different spells, most of them curses or hexes, but some of them more oriented toward my healing aspect.
Some of them need specific herbs or enchanted reagents, but I try to carry a basic supply of the most basic and common ones with me.

The best way to do it, I think, would be just for you to tell me what sort of thing you want, and then I'll figure out the best way to make it happen. Just leave it to me!
>>
No. 240414 ID: e31d52

>>240412
Ooh, ooh, can you turn people into small amphibians?
>>
No. 240417 ID: 476456

thats a pretty impressive array of spells.
>>
No. 240419 ID: 70d9eb

>>240412
Do you know any love spells?~
If it's possible, you should set up a curse as a trap for people who get into the vault. Making it non-lethal like a love curse will be nice in case it goes off on the wrong person!
>>
No. 240428 ID: 8d499a

>>240412

Hmm. You said that Muschio's too far away to work on, but surely there's some little bits of his hair or toenail clippings or whatever around? If this was his room, there should be a hidden bed in the wall over there, he's sure to have left a few strands on the pillow.

Or maybe something of Ashe's?

Failing those, perhaps you should start with a simple good-luck boon for Tislomer and her beau, just to test things out to start with.
>>
No. 240431 ID: 3c3565
File 12865859421.gif - (37.92KB , 800x600 , 1213.gif )
240431

>>240419
I should really be more clear. I'm not an enchanter. Witch Doctory can be a very nebulous thing, it's not something you can just tack qualifiers or if-ands-thens or special circumstances onto. I can't work them like traps, or bind people to a specific arbitrary location under certain circumstances, or what have you. Curses don't work that way.

Curses of different kinds can be broken in different ways, but it's not always easy to set on purpose, and curses usually aren't directly fatal, at least not over a timely period. A wasting disease is about the best you'll get, though there are a few Death Hexes. I haven't delved too much into those, though.

As for contacting Mister Muschio, I suppose there might be a little leftover to make a fetish with, but a real stuffy-doll would need more than a few strands of hair. Besides, I don't think he'd appreciate most of the curses. You want blessings and protection spells, you see a Priest, or a Paladin.

Sheesh, I'm not making myself sound very useful, am I? Maybe we should just shelf all this until something we need my help with comes up.
>>
No. 240432 ID: 0b2a05

>>240127
How about an alarm system, or something that makes people's hair or skin fall out if they come in when they're not invited?
>>
No. 240433 ID: 70d9eb

>>but a real stuffy-doll would need more than a few strands of hair
For some reason I think Finesse might have more than a few strands of hair.
>>
No. 240434 ID: 476456

>>240431

dont worry i'm sure we'll want somebody cursed eventually.
>>
No. 240435 ID: 40cb26

How about... fertility spells? To help an infertile man or barren woman have a kid? We actually have a use for that right now, but it's needed at the Red Meas. And... it would have to work on bug people too. But it could end a war if we can find a way.
>>
No. 240437 ID: c59f60

nono, a simple thing.
a curse that makes the person tired. throw that on a sword so the wielder is tired. figure out how to make it so they can't put it down and we got a great hero trap. they grab it and they are too sleepy to fight well.
>>
No. 240438 ID: e31d52

>>240435
!


Or... the reverse.
>>
No. 240439 ID: 197650

your curses will come in extremely useful in potential intell extraction.
Don't worry too much about being usefull, having someone with advanced medical training is more usefull than most skills.

>>240437
If such a curse could be casted on an enemy it could also be used psyschologicly, say a king is gisgruntled about us, we could use it to convince him he is not suit for fighting. Make him feel old. etc.
>>
No. 240440 ID: 56dc25

>>240431
Actually, I'm pretty sure that Muschio would want you to start cursing a whole bunch of people if he heard about this. The rest of that princess' family, for starters.
>>
No. 240448 ID: 540d58

>>240435
This actually sounds like a nice plan to me.
>>
No. 240457 ID: 3c3565
File 128658851488.gif - (35.87KB , 800x600 , 1214.gif )
240457

Actually, yeah! That's perfect!
Fertility is a HUGE subject of interest for Witch Doctors. We get called in for people who can't have kids but want to, and people who want to have sex but can't be bothered with kids. So I know the ins and outs of the topic pretty well.
I could curse for infertility, though some people don't view it as a curse, and I have a ritual or two to help increase fertility.

Could be perfect!
>>
No. 240458 ID: 197650

Any way you could up the boss' libido?
>>
No. 240460 ID: 2563d4

>>240457
Excellent.

Now we just have to solve the problem that you're here, and the targets are all the way over at the mesas.
>>
No. 240461 ID: 476456

>>240457
could you curse people with hyper fertility

wait no i guess that'd just be using a ritual maliciously.
>>
No. 240465 ID: 70d9eb

>>240457
Is there a way to get a get a fertility curse to transfer from one person to another? Could we scrounge up a Muschio fetish, curse him with fertility, and get him to transfer the curse to the target that needs the fertility?
>>
No. 240466 ID: c59f60

how about making finnie have bigger tits? would make the boss more interested in her.
>>
No. 240469 ID: cbb20c

>>240466
and it could also give her some self-image problems if we do it wrong, so lets just focus on fixing that fertility problem over in the Mesa's first.
>>
No. 240470 ID: 192c6d

>>240457

Ridder. Ashadel. Fertility booster. MAKE IT HAPPEN.
>>
No. 240471 ID: 3c3565
File 128658927124.gif - (35.91KB , 800x600 , 1215.gif )
240471

That, I'm not sure I can do. I should stress some limitations here.
Like I said, I can't "curse" objects. That's an enchanter's thing. I can hex and curse from long-range, and maybe do a few helpful rituals too, but the further, the harder and the weaker. Every distance out cuts some spells out of my library.
As for "transfer", I don't think that would work. At that range it would already be a minimal change, and I doubt it would transfer to another person. That would need strong juju. And if I could get the boss that fertile, he'd probably just impregnate someone instead of passing it down the line.

Libido I can definitely work with. Maybe I could do some work on Finesse in terms of, y'know, certain aspects of her physical appearance but I think she's fine the way she is. And anyway it would be risky since I don't have anything that specific. I couldn't predict the results perfectly.
>>
No. 240472 ID: c59f60

fine fine. anyway, we'll tell the boss next time we see him that you got a spell cooking that can fix infertility.
>>
No. 240474 ID: 3416ec

Make Finesse a B-cup, at least.
>>
No. 240476 ID: d97d76

What about potions?
>>
No. 240478 ID: 70d9eb

>>240471
>>Maybe I could do some work on Finesse in terms of, y'know, certain aspects of her physical appearance but I think she's fine the way she is.
Finesse has got the hots bad for the boss, and the boss likes his ladies curvaceous. I am pretty sure she would be interested!
I guess the cursing is on hold for the moment but getting a fertility spell prepared might come in handy soon.
>>
No. 240479 ID: 2563d4

>>240466
I am vehemently against all and any such plans that involve lumping the boss with that psycho.

>>240471
So basically we need to get you over to the mesas, then.
>>
No. 240481 ID: 70d9eb

>>240479
Ideally I think we would bring the king and queen to her, since here is where she would have the most power.
>>
No. 240482 ID: 3c3565
File 128659050117.gif - (35.90KB , 800x600 , 1216.gif )
240482

Well, here are the options if we're taking that route:
1. We could get the King and/or Queen to come here. With this glyph it'd be the most powerful and reliable location.
2. I could go to the Mesas and help out there. BUT it would be a long trip and I don't really like to travel, especially unescorted.
3. You could tell Muschio to bring something back so that I could make some stuffy dolls of them both, and with the proper materials, it would be almost as good as having them come here in person. Saves them the trip, definitely, but they might not be willing to part with the supplies. It requires a little blood, too. Do they have blood?
>>
No. 240483 ID: e31d52

>>240482
Uh.

Well

They're bugs so

Well

I have no idea
>>
No. 240484 ID: 2563d4

>>240482
Any living critter that big's got to have SOME kind of juice. #3 sounds like a plan.
>>
No. 240485 ID: 197650

Get the others to catch you some lab animals, practice giving them boobs. Also curves
Once you have that down, make the boss' libido skyhigh and give Finesse dem curves, then hide~
>>
No. 240486 ID: c59f60

agree, number three it is. shouldn't be that hard. give us a list of what you need and we'll tell the boss.
>>
No. 240493 ID: 70d9eb

>>240482
Yeah I think we're best off with option three, just give us a list of optimal ingredients, and then Muschio can bring them back or send them back to you.
>>
No. 240502 ID: c2c011

>>240482
Number 1 sounds good. Should give the boss some time to work with. Hopefully he can have both the councils decapitated by the time you're done.
>>
No. 240545 ID: a594b9

>>240482
Number 3 is probably the best idea. I don't think they'd really enjoy having to come here to conceive a child. But y'know Muschio should probably just ask in person which plan they want to follow.
>>
No. 240559 ID: 8d499a

They would have ichor, maybe. Or just regular blood.

Alright, we'll have Muschio ask her what she thinks about it, the king too if possible. Lay out all the options.
>>
No. 240563 ID: 540d58

>>240482
Number 3 it is then!

Also, I have no idea if bugs have blood or any other fluids like bile or something...
Could "intimate" fluids work as well?
>>
No. 240570 ID: aafce5

>>240502
Well, it doesn't seem plausible that the two sides, being at a quarrel for who knows how long, will agree to travel all the way here together.
Unless, of course, only their councils are at war and not themselves.

OPTION 3 seems to be the safest. As a plus, they might think that Muschio is a potent sorcerer, winning us more respect.

Oh, oh, one more question. Ona, do you know anything about gypsy curses?
Do they work differently from your witchcraft?
Can you dispel gypsy curses with strong long-lasting effects?

And tits on Finesse, what? I mean, really? What kind of twisted fantasy plastic surgery is this? That's about the worst way we can help her in her endeavor.
Sometimes we voices aren't listening to ourselves.
>>
No. 240572 ID: cbb20c

>>240482
I like option 3, it also has the benefit of keeping an ace in the hole if our allies possibly betray us one day.

Hey I just had a thought what would happen if we used a person's VOODOO DOLL on the MONSTER PORTAL?
>>
No. 240574 ID: fd6d7e

Dompag could escort you~
>>
No. 240599 ID: e3f578

>>240482
Maybe the orb of infinite psyche has some sort of little bonus to your witch doctor skills. Maybe you could transfer the curses through us and out another end? We could have the Queen hold a shard and tell her to get her o-face on.
>>
No. 240624 ID: 8b9dd7

Well we managed to transfer her High to the boss..Might be possible.
>>
No. 240673 ID: 089db7

Actually, I have another idea. Support magic? You know, like temporarily increasing strength or agility or focus. I'm sure they count as a type of healing. Plus if you manage to figure out how to use the Orb of Infinite Psyche's properties as a magic nework or simply a shortcut to Musachio, you could transfer the magic through the link so you can perform support magic through us from a distance, and if it does indeed form a network... Well, congrats, you just made yourself a VERY important member in battle without having to leave the house at all. Musachio would praise you.

Also greetings... a new Psyche has been born. Nice to meet you, Ona~
>>
No. 240881 ID: 192c6d

>>240482

Still voting we work with Ridder and Ashadel in order to improve our relationships and alliance between them.
>>
No. 243486 ID: 3c3565
File 128708346237.gif - (8.14KB , 800x600 , 1217.gif )
243486

Well okay, when you talk to him again tell Mister Muschio -- er, yourself -- that I need a little blood from both parties. Other... fluids work too, and in some cases may be more potent, but it shouldn't be a problem if I have their blood anyway.

As for Mister Muschio's room, don't worry. He's been letting me use it. Sleeping here's better than out there, the co-ed facilities don't really suit me. I'm sure he won't mind too much.
Besides... WELL, if I were to have the Odds dig out another little room behind the throne room to replace his bedroom, do you think that would be okay?
>>
No. 243488 ID: 878707

I think he would approve.
>>
No. 243496 ID: c3cdf7

>>243486
Dig away!
If the Odds will even listen to you.
>>
No. 243501 ID: 8a6625

Great, now lets switch back and see how muschio's doing. See how complicated it would be get that blood
>>
No. 243505 ID: 40cb26

>>243486
All beings shall bow to the glory of the Ona underboob
>>
No. 243506 ID: ec3f44

>>243486
I have a feeling that we're going to have to use the "Other fluid" option...

Anyhow, get the Odds to start digging straight away, and don't forget to tell them that he'll
probably want another secret escape tunnel or
something like he had in his old room.
>>
No. 243513 ID: c71597

>>243486
He probably won't have any big objections to the base getting a bit bigger while he's away. After all, he's got some big plans for expansion.
>>
No. 243515 ID: a41aaf

Time to switch back and find... fluids... have already been acquired.
>>
No. 243558 ID: 3c3565
File 128709868772.gif - (7.92KB , 800x600 , 1218.gif )
243558

Well I'm glad you like the idea, because the truth is I already spoke to the Odds and asked them to start on that room. I'll check on them now, but the three of them are just the cutest t--
oh!

>"Well hello there, little lady. Headed somewhere?"
>>
No. 243559 ID: dad664

>>243558
Scream "OH GOD NOT AGAIN" and run for it.
>>
No. 243560 ID: 70d9eb

>>243558
I think you spoke too soon about who the cutest is.
You should go help the cutest little Dompag get new posters for his room, I'm sure the odds have got things under control! And Dompag has door guarding and Geppa watching to do, he absolutely needs your help to get new posters!
>>
No. 243562 ID: e31d52

>>243558
Confide that Geppa vaguely threatened you, bot congratulate him on taming the truly wild woman.
>>
No. 243563 ID: cbb20c

>>243558
Faint.
>>
No. 243564 ID: 4643fd

the truth
you were gonna check the odds
>>
No. 243565 ID: c71597

>>243558
He's just playing around. Tell him you're going to see how the work is going.
>>
No. 243566 ID: 3c3565
File 128709963273.gif - (5.25KB , 800x600 , 1219.gif )
243566

"Oh! Uh. Dompag. Hi! I um, I was just... gonna go check on the Odds... see how the work is coming."

>"Were you?"
"Y-... yeah."
>"All by yourself."
"Um... yes?"
>"Base sure is awful empty these days."
"Well... ha ha... sort of."

...
He doesn't move out of the doorway.
>>
No. 243568 ID: 476456

Relax he's not going to pull anything.
>>
No. 243570 ID: 4643fd

ask if that means he wants to find some more recruits.
>>
No. 243574 ID: 70d9eb

Go between his legs to get through.
>>
No. 243575 ID: 63647c

This is one of those ra---re moments where you can bond with a fellow teammate! Joy! :3c
>>
No. 243578 ID: cbb20c

>>243566
You sure do sweat a lot Ona, how do you keep hydrated? Do you sleep inna pool or something? Drink gallons of water everyday?
>>
No. 243585 ID: 1578e2

>>243566
GEPPA IS GOING TO KILL ME D:D:D:D:
>>
No. 243586 ID: 9d07d9

Faint/play dead if he grabs you.
>>
No. 243589 ID: 40cb26

>>243566
I'd give you some sort of advice for what to say to explain the situation, but you're probably just going to spazz. So just go ahead and freak out already and run off.
>>
No. 243593 ID: 1963d1

>>243566
You know, you look like someone I know.
Someone who was put in a similar situation by a similar looking ogre and...

Now would be a good time to RUN!
>>
No. 243594 ID: c1b520

I don't know why, but something tells me that his "little sister" has something to do with this.
>>
No. 243604 ID: 1854db

Just straight up ask him why he's blocking the way. If he wants something from you he should just ask already instead of using his body to intimidate you.
>>
No. 243611 ID: 6547ec

Aw, he's just funnin' you. He enjoys seeing you nervous more than we do.
>>
No. 243618 ID: 24a9bd

Ahahaha... ask how his sister is doing.
>>
No. 243626 ID: 896c31

KICK HIM IN THE STONES, WOMAN.
>>
No. 243629 ID: 3c3565
File 128710883574.gif - (7.90KB , 800x600 , 1220.gif )
243629

>Relax he's not going to pull anything.
I was barely willing to believe this before, but now that Crazy McGnollface is pulling the strings on her "little brother" I'm even less reassured than normal!

"So um... do you... want something?"
>"Hm. Are you offering?"
"What? I-- oh... n-no, I mean... you're... blocking the door..."
>"Am I? Oh, excuse me. Please."
>>
No. 243630 ID: d677cc

>>243629
You know he's only doing this because your reaction is adorable, right? :B
>>
No. 243631 ID: 375089

Run.
Raun fast.
Run far.
Don't turn left. (trust me)
>>
No. 243633 ID: 3416ec

Now RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN.
>>
No. 243634 ID: 4643fd

haha, well, he DOES want to get in your pants but he wont force it, he will wait until you let him. he has like unlimited patients.
>>
No. 243636 ID: 70d9eb

Strut through that doorway like it ain't no thang.
>>
No. 243637 ID: 1854db

...

If you start running now you're going to have to run out of the damn base. May as well allow him to escort you, but keep an eye on him. Suspicious!
>>
No. 243640 ID: 19dce0

>>243566
If your pupils get any wider your face will explode, Ona. Just warning you.
>>
No. 243641 ID: 476456

Mosey on through.


you know if you got to know him better he'd be less inclined to hit on you right.
>>
No. 243654 ID: 2563d4

>>243629
Thank him. 'Tis only polite.
>>
No. 243662 ID: f82ff4

>>243629

"You shouldn't listen to your new sister too much."
>>
No. 243664 ID: 0d33ea

>>243629
Ona, you are so easy to mess with it's unfathomable. Dompag can sense this, and he'll mess with you every chance he gets beceause, honestly, its funny for him and us.

Show some confidence and he'll ease off.
>>
No. 243667 ID: 0d33ea

>>243664
Actually, I lied - he won't ease off, but you may present yourself as less of a "challenge".
>>
No. 243671 ID: 40cb26

Ona let's be clear, despite how he looks Dompag is a charmer. He'd never make or trick anyone do what they didn't want to do. He'd just try to make you want to. He's probably just testing you for your reactions, since he knows full well that Geppa is crazy.
>>
No. 243716 ID: c71597

>>243629
Well then, doorway is clear. Thank him and move on.
>>
No. 243720 ID: 94c0e9

Tell him he seems different today.
>>
No. 243725 ID: c6fa0a

>>243629
If he keeps pressing you... tell him that you think it might work out between you after all!

... he might look kinda cute with a shrunken penis. ;D
>>
No. 243735 ID: dd9877

>>243629
He put up with "Crazy McGnollface" chewing all over him for several long hours and torching his quarters (not to mention those beloved posters). I'm pretty sure he's still his own man...ogre.
>>
No. 243829 ID: 8b9dd7

Just thank him, and walk on by. If he hasn't been influenced, he'll just let you through. If he has. You still can run.
>>
No. 243907 ID: d66067

Listen calm down and acutally buck up and deal with people. I am geting sick of you being a coward all the time, if you son't show yourself as confident then people will know your real intentions.
>>
No. 243925 ID: 3c3565
File 128718724065.gif - (8.77KB , 800x600 , 1221.gif )
243925

...I pass on through, now that the doorway's open. Dompag doesn't follow.

...aaaanyway...
um...
where was I

Oh yeah, the Odds?
They're really cute, actually. I named them! I call them David, Scott, and Lyle.

It's weirdly hypnotizing watching them work. The way they move stone, it's like it's barely even solid. They peel huge doughy chunks off the walls like the rock was made of warm clay. It's amazing, you should see it.
>>
No. 243928 ID: 476456

um ona i think dompag might have misinterpreted what you said when you had your mouth full
>>
No. 243929 ID: 1854db

>>243925
...yes, let's see it.

Dompag is checkin' out your ass I think. Give it a good wiggle!
>>
No. 243932 ID: 476456

I mean you know how "WHMPH. Mhhh fhhg hhbhhd hhd. Hhhf, hhg hh hhb mmhh pmmhbfhm bhhmhm, fhhh hhu hhhrr." can easily sound like "WHMPH. Mhhh fhhg hhbhhd hhd. Hhhf, hhg hh hb mhh pbfhm bhhmmbrbrhm, fhhh hhu hhhrr."
>>
No. 243936 ID: d3dfb8

Get a crossbow from the armory.
You're sleeping with it tonight.
>>
No. 243951 ID: cbb20c

>>243925
Dompag's a little hypnotized himself by something else right now, but, let's take a look at them Odds eh?

What are they doing with all the stone? I mean are we just dumping that stuff in a giant boulder pile outside? It occurs to me that if we got a dwarven craftsman or something they could make a lot of exportable goods with that, even weird stuff like gears and mechanisms.
>>
No. 244001 ID: 9557d9

>>243925
To the Odds it is then!

uuuuhhh... it looks like certain someone is checking you out with a devilish smile by the way.
>>
No. 244025 ID: f52552

>>243951
Hmm...
It has the consistency of wet clay when they're touching it?
Can they press it into molds while it's in that state?
>>
No. 244034 ID: 089db7

Glad to see updates~

He does seem... oddly sinister. But then there are people who love to act weird and creepy just to see peoples' reactions~

...hey, I wonder if you could get the Odds to mold a statue in Musachio's likeliness? Since they're so good at melding rock, apparently. Although he'd probably be creeped out a little. Especially if the Odds do it wrong.

...but that would be fun to see~
>>
No. 244069 ID: 00ffd3

>>243629
...
Woman.
You are a racist, sterotyping, anus.
We make sexual overtones often, yes, but oddly enough, they have never been at anyone's expense... (well, there was one tentacle rape, but that involved a living plant thing and a nonexistant copy of a different dimension)

the point is that when it comes to things that affect people, like you, we stay decently truthful...
We've been adapting for mass hilraity as your antics are sad and pathetic.
You are constantly obsessing that this guy will rape you.
Has he yet? HAS HE EVEN TRIED?
the answer is no.
So woman the fuck up and grow some ovaries.
Just thank him and walk away withever digninity you have left..
>>
No. 244126 ID: d6a592

>>243929

Pan the camera around so we can see it.
>>
No. 244236 ID: 3c3565
File 128726440354.gif - (7.11KB , 800x600 , 1222.gif )
244236

Hey, why aren't they working?



...say, they don't look so good.
>>
No. 244238 ID: bf1e7e

>>244236

It probably has something to do with those rocks they uncovered.

Maybe you should get them out of here, it probably isn't good for them to be here right now.
>>
No. 244239 ID: c71597

>>244236
Shit, weird crystals. That seem to be effecting magical creatures. This could be something big. Drag them out and then call Dompag over here. You're gonna need his help in uncovering them for further study.

Hmm, you should probably also put on some sort of protective gear. This shit might be dangerous to fleshy people as well.
>>
No. 244240 ID: e31d52

Get the odds out and inspect the strange stones, but DO NOT TOUCH THEM.
>>
No. 244243 ID: 0cfe8b

Anti-magic perhaps, having that in crystal form would be quite useful.
>>
No. 244244 ID: d97d76

>>244240
This guy has the right idea. And if you start feeling funny, get the hell out of there.
>>
No. 244246 ID: 754124

>>244236
It looks like you done killed master Muschio's odds. He ain't gonna be too happy 'bout that, I reckon. Best drag them out of here, see if they really are dead. Maybe you can do some witchy stuff to them, fix them up.
>>
No. 244248 ID: dad664

>>244236
It would appear you have discovered some kind of Mind-fuck Gem.
>>
No. 244261 ID: dd9877

Can anything be discerned from the fluid seeping out of the odds? Do you know if that's their 'blood', or something else altogether?

Let's hope they aren't dead :( the poor lil fellers
>>
No. 244264 ID: 1854db

Administer medical care! We can't replace the Odds with the portal in its current configuration! We need to save them!
>>
No. 244269 ID: 197650

Get them out of there, now
>>
No. 244272 ID: 3c3565
File 128726887469.gif - (10.01KB , 800x600 , 1223.gif )
244272

Ah, good. You're back. Let me bring you up to speed.

Here is the situation as it stands:
As you know, there was a split between the Matriarch and Patriarch which led to a splintering of the Consulate, into roughly gender-divided groups that each sided with one of the formerly-paired rulers. The Queen's Consulate quickly took up control of the ensuing military fiasco on her end, and now the two sides are locked in a civil war. From what I've come to understand, they're actually smart enough to use non-lethal tactics. In a civil war, that seems the best method -- no need to kill your own people, I suppose. But they're vying for territory and control and have been for over a year now.

The Matriarch has expressed a desire to reunite with her former husband. Evidently, she still has feelings for him (or, I presume, is simply blinded by her lack of sexual intimacy over the last year). She wants to make peace without surrender but doesn't know how to approach it. Further, the Consulate seems wholly devoted to this war, and as I saw earlier, they have elevated themselves to a position of importance that may even usurp the Queen, leaving her as a mere figurehead.

The problem here, as she explained it, is that the Consulate has the support of the people. The wartime industries of the Mesas has kicked into overdrive and profits are surpassing even what they were making when trade doors were open. Their morale is high as they are able to experience the glory of battle but none of its truest casualties.
To be honest, I'm at a loss. The common people seem to love the war and its effects, and have rallied around the cause constantly being espoused by the Consulate (the feud between the ex-lovers, as it were). Any attempt to unseat the Consulate could be met with extreme backlash by the citizenry.

Finesse is retired to our room, but the Matriarch and I are staying here for a bit to discuss further strategies.
>>
No. 244274 ID: 2563d4

>>244272
Then allow me to distract you by informing you that the Odds have discovered a glowing Thing back at base while digging which seems to have been bad for their health.

Also you need to collect bug-juice. I hope Finesse brought some vials with her.
>>
No. 244275 ID: 0cfe8b

Some sort of contact with each other seems to be the best way to start, even if its just letters or something.
>>
No. 244276 ID: 5a2e05

Gotta get the propaganda running in your favor, make them start disliking the war.
>>
No. 244277 ID: d97d76

Hey boss, turns out our budding witch doctor back at home base might have a solution for the whole infertility thing. Just throwing that out there.

Also man alive if you think it's disorienting living with us in your head you should try quantum leaping around between people's minds sometime.
>>
No. 244279 ID: 197650

perhaps a ploy to replace the 2 leading figures and replace them with people who know neither side should win?
maybe even fake their deaths if they want to be together that badly.
>>
No. 244280 ID: 1854db

>>244272
We have good news! Ona may be able to fix their fertility problems. We need a blood sample from the king and queen so that Ona can make a fertility charm, or they can come visit the base in person and just do it there for maximum effectiveness.

However if the war is so damn popular... how about we let it keep going? The King and Queen can get together in secret, right? I mean does anyone really want to end the war at this point? Nobody's dying or anything.

They could be like, 'peace talks'. Negotiations. Countries at war can negotiate for months without any progress so why not have that be the case here?
>>
No. 244282 ID: e3f578

The villianish thing to do is to get things down and lethal in the civil war. But seeing as how you're reflecting your goals more toward practicality well shit yeah propaganda and some side switching is in order. Finesse can stay on this side and you on the other as you both move the plan forward.
>>
No. 244285 ID: 3c3565
File 128726984147.gif - (10.79KB , 800x600 , 1224.gif )
244285

I always have vials with me.
>>
No. 244286 ID: d97d76

GODDAMMIT
>>
No. 244287 ID: 146c5a

>>244272
The romaticization could work in our favor, if we somehow bend it to an undertone of the council suppressing the 'truest of loves' between the King and Queen in favor of their own agenda and power the people could begin to see this as a powergrab. It is important however to while making civil war seem unattractive, still allow for the idea of war itself to remain popular as we plan to recruit here (perhaps to keep war from becoming local?)

We also need to discover the King's feelings on all this.
>>
No. 244289 ID: dad664

>>244285
...did your arm get bigger?
>>
No. 244290 ID: e31d52

>>244282
>Get things lethal

Actually, that doesn't seem half bad. Once the people realize how shitty war REALLY is, they'll stop supporting the Consolate as fervently. Then when the Queen speaks up about how they acted to replace her, well!

It'll be another civil war, but a lot shorter, if you get my drift.
>>
No. 244292 ID: 197650

It would help if we knew what we wanted from this.
Do we want them as allies? do we want to take over their domain? do we want to stop the war? promote it?
>>
No. 244293 ID: 1854db

>>244285
Nice dress. The vials will come in handy... but why do you have them at all times?
>>
No. 244295 ID: 40cb26

>>244285
Good girl. Now then, we must see about collecting the blood and/or other bodily fluids of the king and queen so Ona can do that fertility voodoo on them.
>>
No. 244296 ID: 2563d4

>>244285
Excellent. Start planning how to fill one with whichever bodily fluid is easiest of King Bug, just in case diplomatic methods (like asking him nicely) don't work.
>>
No. 244297 ID: 146c5a

>>244285
Ah hello Finnie dear.We need to acquire fluids (make your choice) from both the bug King and Queen in order to help Ona with that little Voodoo that she do.

If we can make them fertile again it would be an invaluable favor in diplomacy with them, and we can always remember that we can curse them too if that becomes necessary.
>>
No. 244300 ID: 197650

note that we could use this oppertunity to poison her, telling her it is the vertility thing.
that is, if we want to.
>>
No. 244310 ID: 3f3460

This is going to be quite the challenge. While I'm all for the fertility charms, we still have to deal with this Consulate, because even if we manage to bring these love-bugs together, I highly doubt they'll let things stand. I doubt to the capacity of murder, but there's always that possibility. One thing needs to done no matter what at the end of this war that is abundantly clear. Both Consulates must be wiped clean. I don't care if it's by assassination, disgrace from office, or run down by the mob in the street, these warmongers have to go. They basically usurped the royal positions for their own perverse gains, not unlike our main man here, and you're really got to wonder what they'll do when everything's set and done.

Here is what I propose. While these charlatans have power right now, that power stems from one thing. The Royal themselves. They lose them and all their legitimacy goes right out. They want her to be their puppet? Lets give them their wish. Have the Queen decide to make public speeches espousing their efforts at their power bases. Praise the soldiers for their efforts, the merchants and the industrial heads for their hard works. Make them want to give her more "screen time" so to say. After a bit of that, she'll start to stray from their "script". She has to become more acquainted with the ones under her rule, the major players. She starts issuing orders during these little social outings. Nothing that contradicts the Consulate at first, but the main thing here is to get rid of the middle-men. Keep doing this and hopefully it becomes clear she doesn't need them altogether. This is when they'll try to reassert themselves and block her off, but by then, we'll have made her far too public, but she is QUEEN and her voice will be heard.

Sorry for the overly long plotting, but it's something that was swimming in my head.
>>
No. 244311 ID: 3c3565
File 128727125931.gif - (9.92KB , 800x600 , 1225.gif )
244311

"I have in my employ a Witch Doctor, who may be able to aid in your situation as far as fertility is concerned."
>"That is a very kind offer, Muschio, but the drive for procreation was only what brought us together in the first place. I would gladly stand at his side even if we never had children. As royalty I suppose it is expected eventually, but for now, the truth is, I only want to be with him."

"I see. Tell me, what if we were to bring real weapons into the conflict? If casualties began to pile up, I'm sure the citizenry would see the folly of war."
>"I'm sure they would, but I will not unleash the true horrors of war upon my own people just to stop a war they believe I and my husband are behind. I love my own people, and I will not have them die in the streets so that my husband and I may be reunited. I do not wish to spill their blood."
"I see."

This may not be as easy as I'd hoped.
"Perhaps the two of you can go into peace talks and allow the war to drag on. Eventually the people will surely tire of constant fighting, and you two will be able to see each other in the meantime."
>"I'm afraid that's impossible. The entire conflict was born of the fighting between the two of us and has been whipped into a frenzy by our advisers. The people that wage both wars are stirred to fury by the thought of my hatred for him, and his for me. The consulate would never allow us to make peace talks, nor show weakness or sympathy toward my partner. Even in the off chance we were to meet, surely the consulate would come along, and any peace I may be able to make with my husband would be shattered by the vicious rally that would follow."

"Mm. Allow me to think on this."
>"Thank you, Muschio. I swear that when this is over, I will do what I can to repay your kindness."

"May I ask you just one thing? You have entrusted me with so many secrets. I know things now that I could potentially use to bring your kingdom crashing down upon you. With proper force you have given me the very tools by which I could unseat you. And yet, we have hardly met, and we do not know each other. Why do you trust me so?"
>"Because I know you, Muschio. I saw your true and unguarded nature, back at the lake. I know that is not in your heart, no matter how much you may pretend it."
"Perhaps you do not know me as well as you think."
>"Perhaps. But if you were to steal this kingdom from me, then all of its problems would become yours, and I would be free anyway. In the end, I would still be able to see my beloved, and hope he will accept me back. And you? What would you have?"
"You have a very strange outlook on all this."
>"Such is love, Muschio. Perhaps one day, you too will find someone to love. Someone for whom you would sacrifice everything."
>>
No. 244314 ID: 146c5a

>>244311
Perhaps...

But it is interesting that she would personally be okay with not having a kingdom. That could prove an out if no other opportunity produces itself.
>>
No. 244315 ID: e31d52

So. Having a kid won't solve anything.

Having them die won't solve anything.


Sex nor violence will work here.

I am stumped.
>>
No. 244317 ID: d97d76

I'm starting to get dizzy, here.

Although... that's... not a bad idea, I guess? To figure out some way of just throwing one huge wrench into the works such that it grinds to a halt and the battle-frenzied citizenry is forced to take stock of things.

That'd need to be a pretty big wrench though.
>>
No. 244321 ID: 63647c

Hey, Muschio....
We really need talk to the Queen's man.
Is there ANY way we can get that to happen?

>>244315
I want your e-babies.
>>
No. 244323 ID: 197650

replace the 2, let them be together in secret, some foreign land if it has to be that extreme.
Then put in place 2 new people that will be the face of each side, then make sure you control those 2 and you will have an extremely profitable, nonletal civil war. If it comes to the worst, you will at that point have a large military force that given the right proppoganda will be deployable for your agenda.

We don't have to destroy this kingdom if we can just take it over.

What's better, to have them as allies or to control their puppet goverment?
>>
No. 244324 ID: 1b42c5

hmmm
stay non-lethal but have the fighting spill into the normal citizens. have a squad dressed up as the patriarchs and have them beat up random matriarch supporters. use fake terrorist tactics. they will become afraid of war, but no one would die.
>>
No. 244328 ID: 40cb26

>>244311
It doesn't matter if you try to get them back together, if you topple either of them, or take over both kingdoms. Because in every case you have the same true enemies: the consulates. You must find a way to undo them, to strip them of their power and turn the people against them. I say just kill them, or accuse one among them of being a traitor and lock the lot of them away.
>>
No. 244334 ID: 1854db

>>244311
Wait, she's okay with us stealing the kingdom? WE'LL TAKE IT! She did say profits were on the rise! HAHAHA!

That gives me an idea. Finesse can pretend to kidnap her, and that should lure the king out if he truly loves her. Then Muschio can 'rescue' them from our 'traitorous' assistant. Or perhaps we can call in someone else to do the kidnapping? Keep in mind we want to seize power afterwards. ...then again if we DO seize power we're going to have to worry about assassination, as well as move our base over here so we can rule! Argh, that isn't going to work.
>>
No. 244342 ID: 7410d9

>>244334
Maybe a pretend kidnapping could work. If the king still cares for her, hearing of this will totally bring him around. hell both sides might work together and end the fighting to help.
Of course The chances of that happening are about as large someone yelling "RAINBOW'S EXIST, let's get Lattes" on the field of battle.
>>
No. 244353 ID: 701a19

>>244311
So we kidnap her.
Alternatively, have her match out and demand to know which one of her advisers is guilty of high treason.

The hard part will, of course, be kidnapping the king. Or getting his advisers to kill themselves.

Unfortunately, I don't think either one would approve of us killing their advisers.
>>
No. 244384 ID: c71597

>>244311
Well then, a quite simple solution presents itself. Take command of the armies and win the war. You will gain the adoration of the public and rocket above the council in popularity, because if there is one thing people love it's a conqouering hero. Atleast if you hand out large amounts of the spoils to them and your army.

Now, the whole deal may take a bit of time. Fist step is that you need to be nominated as a commander by the queen, and then force it through the council. Then you need to win, which should be doable. Since the council has been bungling the whole deal to keep the war going so they can keep increasing their popularity. The same quite probably holds true for the opposition.

So, with proper tactics and an actual push for trying to win you should be able to bring it to a close in a couple of weeks, maybe a few months. Which should also gain you alot of popularity in the army, as they also very much love a winner, especially one that makes them win as well, especially if they get some booty out of it.

Naturally you unseat the king's council, possibly execute the whole lot of them. And then, using your newly gained popularity you stage a coup. Arrest the queen's council, spread alot of propaganda about how they're greedy incompetent fools, put them on showtrials where they're accused of gross incompetence that was highly harmful towards the state and all sorts of nasty sounding things. All of it leading up to their execution. If done well it should completly erode any popularity they had and boost your own a bit more. Then put the king and queen back in their proper place and either nominate yourself to the position of grand Vizier or just make them your vassals.

Mission complete and you have gained a stronnger position.
>>
No. 244414 ID: 0445ed

There's an easy solution here: Sports.

The people want competition, but they don't want bloodshed. Find a way to ritualize the combat to such an abstract level where it exists inside an arena of its own - both literally and metaphorically - leaving day to day life untouched and allowing both sides to mingle once again in good natured but competitive way.

The booming war industry that the kingdom is currently experiencing can shift production to marketing, merchandising, and support of the sport.

I have no idea just how you'd go about this, but it can't hurt to put the idea out there.
>>
No. 244420 ID: 545a54

As I see it, these bug people LOVE war. And will refuse the end of the civil war because right now it means they will no longer have a war to fight. Along with the economic boost that comes with it. I propose that we redirect their war, make their fight our fight. We use their combined forces to take back what was stolen from us. Everyone is happy. We get the army we need to take over, they queen and king get reunited, the council could potentially become our war advisers, and the bug people get to wage a real war. These guys have basically been playing war games for a year straight, imagine what they are like on a real battlefield.

Perhaps that idea of usurping the queen is not a bad one. If we take control of her side, taking the kings should be no problem as all. We can do it with hopefully minimal casualty's.
>>
No. 244444 ID: e3f578

>>244311
Does she feel any contempt for the consulate? She doesn't want her people hurt but a lot of plans we're discussing seem to involve those annoying fucker's deaths.

You're a practical man, Muschio. Do what you do best. Backstabs and fighting horrible pain. You must engage is deceitful battle with the councilors
>>
No. 244562 ID: 00ffd3

Let's see...
The idea of the war is a fanatic disposition for each figurehead...
We do not know about the patriarch...
To fix the problem we need to know his outlook.

If both are under similar circumstances, you can "kidnap" them both and aim the kidnappings at a third party: any enemies you may have that are weak enough for the bugs to subdue quickly and non-lethally. (some bandits?)

such a move will likely unite both sides for their respective leader.
The two of them will also get some face time.
They can then tell their people that in the time they were gone, that they fixed their differences.

Reminder: do this if it is mutual on both sides.
>>
No. 244922 ID: a6a5f7

To me, first thing in the agenda, is getting rid of the consulate. Be it killing them, be it imprisioning them. They're the fundation stone of this whole problem.
>>
No. 244942 ID: 6ad08e

>>244562
Agreed. One of the most tried-and-true methods of putting a stop to internal, civil bickering is to turn public attention to an outside threat.
>>244922 's suggestion can be worked into this. We have to create a fake third party in the bugfolk mind. Foreign assassins, undercover traitors, you name it. Once both councils start looking out for an external threat, tension between factions will fade down.
We'll just have to stay outside the spotlight. That kind of spotlight could very well end on a scaffold.
>>
No. 244943 ID: 3bc316

>>244942
Totally agreed. The less we attract the attention, the better. A good evil(or neutral) mastermind doesn't need to be known right off the bat. Being a good puppetmaster is a really important skill.
>>
No. 245058 ID: 3c14b7

>>244922

We may not even have to resort to that. All we need to do is a little "digging". I would honestly be very surprised if all, even most, of the consulate were, shall we say, "squeaky clean". Find some good scandal fodder, and you've got a perfectly good reason to at the very least call their judgement into question, and can quite probably use it as an excuse to fire them.
>>
No. 245301 ID: d37143

Ladies. Gentlemen.

We have a voodoo Witch Doctress.

We have a group of people who are acting in a manner most problematic.

All we need is their fluids, and we have them in the palm of our rather diabolical hands.

I suggest the following;

"Matriarch; I have a suggestion. It may be something a bit...extreme, but if it works, the consulate will be crippled, you will be able to see your love, and your countries will continue on, none the wiser. If we are capable of attaining a small sample of fluid from each of the consulate; my associates can use it to cause them great detriment, as we could use your blood to cause you the boon of fertility. If we cripple them, make them bed-ridden and weak, you can assume again your place as Queen; and give a rousing speech that you will be sending a third part to speak with the Patriarch. We find out his personal situation, and inform you of it; take actions necessary to cripple his Consulate, and act as mediators and third party members to your peace. If the public demands reason for our station as mediator; we can use a clever ruse to make it appear that some fell curse is casting dark spells over the Consulates, and the only thing protecting you for a similar fate, is, of course, me and my magical prowess. After peace is negotiated; I 'dispell' the curse by bringing you two back again into the bonds of matrimony, and in return, you keep a small, well-trained army of soldiers to fight on my behalf if the need arises. You win, the Patriarch wins, I win."

TLDR;
Step One: Use Voodoo to curse the Consulates on both sides. Additionally cursing some of the townsfolk with similar, but less severe effects would be a good idea as well.
Step Two: Claim it to be a curse; that can only be broken by the Matriarch and Patriarch reuniting.
Step Three: Raise the curse after both are well-seated in power.
Step Four: Optionally Kick out the Consulate or phase them out of existance.
Step Five: We now have an army of Bug Soldiers. Well-trained, Well-equipped Bug Soldiers. We also now are seen as a powerful magical figure.

Tell me where this plan has a flaw. TELL ME.
>>
No. 245311 ID: 3416ec

>>245301

The only flaw I can think of is if they have a bug witch doctor of their own.

But other than that, go for it.
>>
No. 245354 ID: cbbd6f

Exactly, only flaw I see, is that our witch says that distance weakens the curses. So if they have a witch right there, they could be easily cured.
Other than that, can be mixed with the other idea, just with us keeping in the shadows and having the queen as a powerful ally that our enemies don't know about.
>>
No. 245561 ID: a41aaf

>>245301
No need to cripple the consulate outright: simply set them against each other. Sudden crippling illnesses confined to a single group without any obvious cause is highly suspicious. An increase in bickering will rouse far less suspicion.
>>
No. 245580 ID: 6b8417

There is only one thing to do.

Kidnap them both
This will force their advisers to unite in order to save them both, because stopping to fight every time they see each other (which will no doubt happen if you put them near the same place) will slow the rescue effort.


Also if they decide not to rescue and rule in their place, you can saunter back in and claim treason.
Unseat them and work together.
>>
No. 245581 ID: 6b8417

Then when the reuniting happens, the king and queen regain control during the confusion

DO NOT LET THE CONSULATE FADE THEM BACK INTO THE BACKGROUND.

Then afterward, you slowly turn the war into war-games, though that is technically what it is already.

The problem is the mindset of the people, they think of it as war, not as games.
so you have to change their mindset.

Keep profits, keep everyone happy, restore power to the matriarch and patriarch.
>>
No. 245609 ID: 3416ec

Just kill the entire consulate already.
>>
No. 245612 ID: 710b93

We don't actually know the king's stance.

For all we know, he could have an iron-fisted control over his council and be all for the war.

He could have found a mistress or even a 'new queen'.

We. Don't. Know.
Scouting mission may be in order. You could tell the king that he's dealing with all-out rebels that are only keeping the queen prisoner for use as a figurehead and a false claim for legitimacy.
>>
No. 245613 ID: 1854db

...what would happen if one side won? Perhaps we can manipulate the armies so that someone wins.
>>
No. 245625 ID: d8316f

Wow, that IS a point I ignored.
The king may even enjoy this war, and who knows if he wants her back?

Totally right, my friend. Scouting is priority, we need all the pieces of this puzzle before we try to solve it. We need to know the King's stance in all this fight, and we need to make sure it IS viable to get them together.
>>
No. 246199 ID: 071184

Just go to the patriarch's side and get more information there.
>>
No. 247199 ID: 35190f

>>244384
This idea is the best idea. Public image is paramount in your involvement in this conflict.

Alternatively, we can try some sneaky puppet master shit. I think that's also a very good idea, but it would require being all but invisible to the public eye and perhaps, if you're sneaky enough, to the advisors' eyes. You're very diplomatic, Muschio, and very ambitious. These qualities, along with your patience, powers of deception, and great vision should make it very easy for you to take your time lining up the dominoes. Then, when the moment is right, do not hesitate to strike quickly and precisely.

This whole continent will be yours. Let's take the Red Mesa <i>province</i>.
>>
No. 247202 ID: 35190f

>>247199
Oh great, now I look like a retard because I don't know how to italicize.
>>
No. 247986 ID: 3cce4b

Ok, I'm new here, but is it normal the story stopped for over a week?
>>
No. 247990 ID: 21c3f3

>>247986
yup that's weaver alright
>>
No. 247991 ID: 1854db

>>247986
It happens. Be patient, it will continue.
>>
No. 248794 ID: 6df143

i suggest that we introduce a common enemy.

when two opposing armies are faced with a threat that endangers them both, they may choose to set aside their differences and face this common foe.

this would be a particularly difficult solution, but potentially the most profitable. after all, we are just trying to get an army to take over other cities right? so just give the army a reason to attack one.

there are still 2 more areas we considered conquering.
the goblin and kobold settlements for one, and the southern bay city of Tela Cruz. oh, and of course the old Kingdom.

I suppose we could stage a terrorist attack and blame it on one of these areas, stirring up a rally for unified war against a foreign aggressor.

however, this may be too evil and too risky. it barely addresses the matriarch/patriarch situation. the war might accomplish too little and leave too much collateral damage. i just wanted to suggest it as an option

for now i would like to visit the patriarch and see what his views are.
>>
No. 249310 ID: 192c6d

>>248794

Brilliant. Perhaps we can get our witch doctor to manufacture some lucid nightmares of some being that may have caused the rift in their marriage?

By pitting them both against this beast, they may reignite their love in holy war! (Or in the very least get out of our hair and/or die trying)

.... Speaking of Ona...
>>
No. 249311 ID: a5038a

They are situated directly next to out primary target. If we could push them into a conflict with them that would be perfect.
>>
No. 249381 ID: 339311

Weirdly enough, right now the bugs aren't my inmediate worry. The lil odds and Ona are what I wanna make sure to solve first D:
>>
No. 249414 ID: 071184

>>249381
Yeah really: the "war" isn't going anywhere fast, so we should tell Muschio about the situation at the homefront and return to Ona to figure out what happened/what we need to do.
>>
No. 252524 ID: 2850c8

I think we can all agree that the best move at the moment would be to meet with the King and see what his stance in this war is. After all, Muschio will have to deal with both these sides if he wants control of Mesa.

So, go meet the King. But leave Finesse as a token of goodwill, since she doesn't seem to be in any danger here anyway, and who knows how crazy shit is on the other side.
>>
No. 254740 ID: 35190f

HAVE. SEX. WITH. EVERYONE.
>>
No. 255287 ID: 725496
File 128951061776.gif - (8.76KB , 800x600 , 1226.gif )
255287

A million possible schemes run through my head, from the direct and warlike to the insane and circuitous. After I finish my reprieve with K'miele, I stand to excuse myself.

"There are many possible ways to approach this situation. However, I believe that the only way for me to properly assess the conflict and devise the best route through it is to visit the Patriarch, and examine his side of this."
>"Of course. Please, take the stairs to the left. They'll lead you out without having to pass by the Consulate. It would be best you didn't have to confront them again for the time being.

>...and please, don't tell my husband I sent you."
>>
No. 255296 ID: 3416ec

>>255287

Advance to the Patriarch! Tread carefully, though.
>>
No. 255301 ID: d677cc

>>255287
Well, I guess... head on there, then?
>>
No. 255320 ID: 843980

go get Finesse first
>>
No. 255324 ID: 24a9bd

She doesn't want you to tell him she sent you? Well crap! That could have been an extra ace! Alright, you need to come up with some excuse as to why you're there. How about...

...I got nothing. Sorry.
>>
No. 255325 ID: 725496
File 128951572426.gif - (8.92KB , 800x600 , 1227.gif )
255325

I step out onto the streets of dusty clay. The Patriarch lives on the opposite side of the Mesas, and I should be careful not to give away my affiliation with the Matriarch while in his territory.

>"Master Muschio! Up here! Are you leaving? You're taking me with you, right?"
>>
No. 255328 ID: 70d9eb

>>255325
Say "NOPE!" to see the huge :C on her face.
Then say you were just kidding and of course she is coming.
>>
No. 255329 ID: 2563d4

>>255328
This. But she's finding her own way out.

I'm sure that fall is totally survivable if we catch her.
>>
No. 255330 ID: c71597

>>255325
Tell her to hurry up then. We have stories to listen to and crap.
>>
No. 255335 ID: 3416ec

"Come on down, Finesse! If you fall, I will catch you. I'll be waiting."

"Time after time~"
>>
No. 255340 ID: e3f578

She's your eyes and ears here, too valuable for her to leave. She can catch strategy and info and other shit we could use if want to use it. Plus she hasn't pissed off the consulate, if you also need something done over there like speaking to them you'd also need her here.
>>
No. 255346 ID: 24a9bd

You know, on the one hand she could stay here to gather info? But the queen WANTS this to happen, she'd tell us everything important to help us, wouldn't she? Bring her with you.
>>
No. 255380 ID: 9bd27f

>>255328

This. :D
>>
No. 255384 ID: 197650

Keeping here there can serve as a connection to the queen via the orb. See it as a walkie talkie.
>>
No. 255437 ID: 2850c8

Leave her. Who knows what dangers you may face over there. She doesn't have the combat experience you do.
>>
No. 255465 ID: acf695

>>255325
Of course she's coming! How could she even ask that question?

>>255328
You should do this, just to punish her.
>>
No. 255484 ID: 39bd79

How could we even THINK of leaving her?
What kind of mastermind leaves behind valuable help?

She's one of the reasons we've got this far and we need to face this, her help has been really valuable, and she can be quite a help when we're facing YET another unknown area.


... but she's getting out there on her own 9.9
>>
No. 256246 ID: 70846e

>>255465
This.
A little bit of humour always helps in a tense situation.
>>
No. 256828 ID: 406869

Tell her that she needs to pretend that you're imprisoned, and that you'll return soon with tidings.
>>
No. 259254 ID: dca783

Leave Finesse here to soften up the Consulate a bit - or possibly feed them misinformation. It would also be good if she could gauge the general mood of the populace, see what might make a good way to sway them from the Consulate, what would make them want the war to be over, etc..
>>
No. 262101 ID: 725496
File 129158704342.gif - (11.59KB , 800x600 , 1228.gif )
262101

Oh, back again? Things must be pretty boring over with Mister Muschio.

I don't know what's wrong with the Odds, but I got them out of that room with the weird crystals and they're still all woozy. They're not dead or anything, but it seems like they're sick. I laid them out in the room I was doing the runes in, so they'll have a chance to rest. I hope it'll be enough.

Ashedel's still out at the tower and probably will be for a few days. Tislomer and Babrakus are having a day out, picnicking and stuff. She's probably gonna try to kiss him. It's cute.

As for me, I'm just making an inventory of our current supplies, since there's not much else to do, till Muschio comes back or I can figure out what's wrong with the Odds, but they're magical so my medicines won't really have much effect.
>>
No. 262102 ID: 3416ec

>>262101

Did you find out what those strange crystalline formations were?
>>
No. 262103 ID: c71597

>>262101
Sounds like there's not a whole lot going on here right now. Hey, could you make some herbal mix that will produce a knock out gas if burnt?
>>
No. 262104 ID: fa980d

>>262102

Yes, the crystals they were digging out, do you have any idea what they were? We should set some of it near the monster portal and see what happens.

Did you feel anything wierd when you got near it, or does it just affect them?
>>
No. 262109 ID: 725496
File 129158779424.gif - (11.88KB , 800x600 , 1229.gif )
262109

What do I look like, a minerologist? I didn't notice anything weird about the crystals besides the glow and the fact they were making the Odds get all sick. I mean, I didn't feel weird around them. So if there's anything special about them, it's beyond me. I just wish I knew what it was, because the Odds are too cute to s- oh.

Oh.
Oh no oh no oh no
>>
No. 262111 ID: 3416ec

>>262109

QUICKLY, ACTIVATE ROCK MODE.
>>
No. 262114 ID: fa980d

Back up against the wall to act as though you're showing she's dominant, but put your hand on one of the spears there just in case.

Ask what she wants nonchalantly.
>>
No. 262115 ID: dad664

>>262109
Light up something herby. Something that would get her loopy enough to not want to rip and tear you.
>>
No. 262117 ID: a09a03

Ask if this is one of those rape things.
>>
No. 262118 ID: 35a0c6

>>262109
Stay calm. She can smell fear.
Besides, your sexy scent is probably driving her crazy enough as it is.
>>
No. 262121 ID: 70d9eb

>>262109
This probably isn't a rape thing, be confident and say hello to Geppa without stuttering at all.
>>
No. 262123 ID: 0b2a05

Stay calm, she can smell fear. Let her address you first.
>>
No. 262124 ID: c71597

>>262109
Ask her what she's up to.
>>
No. 262127 ID: 2563d4

>>262111
It's the only way to stay safe while cowering.
>>
No. 262135 ID: 35a0c6

>>262111
>>262127
This isn't the time for headbanging, you fools!
>>
No. 262152 ID: 725496
File 129159202746.gif - (8.85KB , 800x600 , 1230.gif )
262152

>"Ona."
"...Geppa."
>"I wanted to say I'm sorry."
"...what? You did?"
>"Yes. I know that I'm making you uncomfortable. I don't want my little brother to get hurt, but I shouldn't be angry at you. I want you to know that I want to be friends. I'm just not very good at it.
>...it's been a long time since I had people around to just be friends with. Especially other women. I'm not used to it. So... when I can't think of anything else to do, I act like that."

...

>"It's okay if you don't want to be friends. I just don't want to be enemies with you."
>>
No. 262154 ID: 476456

awwwwww give her a hug.



actually ask if thats ok first we dont want any incidents
>>
No. 262155 ID: 3224bd

IT'S A TRAP! ACTIVATE ROCK MODE IMMEDIATELY TO AVOID CRITICAL DAMAGE!
>>
No. 262156 ID: d677cc

>>262152
Aww, poor thing.

Well, why not be friends with her? She's obviously trying really hard to get socialized properly, and she's already come a long way if she's even able to do this at all.
>>
No. 262161 ID: f44349

>>262152

...Aw. c:
She might be kind of scary but you have to admit this is kind of adorable.
You've GOTTA be friends now it is the law.
>>
No. 262163 ID: fa980d

Tell her it's ok, you'd like to be friends too. We're all living together, aren't we? Better learn to be civil.
>>
No. 262169 ID: 39d300

>>262152
Well... that sounds good. It's nice that she's looking out for her brother. He's... uh. very lucky to have her.
Uh. Tell her you'd like to be friends. But she is pretty scary when she acts like that. So when she acts like that, you can just say "Geppa you're scaring me." and that'll be the code word to maybe dial it back a little.
>>
No. 262170 ID: 725496
File 129159316337.gif - (12.70KB , 800x600 , 1231.gif )
262170

"Well... it's okay, Geppa. I know things have been tough for you. I'll do my best too. I'm sure we can be friends."
>"Thank you, Ona."
This is weird, but to be honest, it really helps.
>"While I'm here, do you know where I can find stuff here?"
"Yeah, sure. I'm doing inventory, actually, so I know where most of our stuff is."
>"Can I have some scissors, and that cloth off the wall? I want to make myself some new clothes, so I don't haf'ta wear rags all day."
>>
No. 262171 ID: 8c0848

>>262170
So far she mostly kills people with fire, so unless she wants to flay your skin off and cook you, she should be fine with a pair of metal bladed scissors.
>>
No. 262172 ID: 70d9eb

>>262170
You should help her make new clothes! She won't be able to do a great job by herself.
>>
No. 262173 ID: 2563d4

>>262170
Uh. I bet there's something terrifying behind that cloth.

Go on, there must be some better cloth than that that you just finished inventorying. And I'm sure your many skills include helping her tailor something thus not giving her any chance to argue. Right?
>>
No. 262175 ID: d677cc

>>262172
Plus it'd be an opportunity for her to actually spend time with someone. I bet she'd really appreciate it. :B
>>
No. 262176 ID: 116694

Offer to help with making her some clothes! It'll be a bonding experience. Get in her good graces.
>>
No. 262178 ID: f44349

>>262170
>>262172
MAKEOVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>>
No. 262180 ID: 192c6d

>>262170
>>262172

D'awww... that'd be a great bonding activity for you guys! You should show her your prowess with fashion and swap gossip (or whatever it is that females do).
>>
No. 262181 ID: 35a0c6
File 12915937901.jpg - (42.09KB , 572x327 , MAKEOVEEEEERS.jpg )
262181

>>262178
>>
No. 262182 ID: 531b22

>>262170
I guess it's a good idea to give here 'something' to do aside from sitting around brooding about all the horrible things in her life.
>>
No. 262184 ID: 1854db

Offer to help!
>>
No. 262189 ID: 725496
File 12915943797.gif - (8.64KB , 800x600 , 1232.gif )
262189

"Sure. There's scissors in that box, and there's enough cloth here to make a little clothing. Do you want some help?"
>"Only if you don't mind."
"Oh, I don't really. It'll be a good way to get to know each other. I'm not much of a seamstress, but I did make my own clothes. I can help out, at least."
>"You're sure it's not a problem?"
>>
No. 262190 ID: 3416ec
File 129159448751.png - (426.49KB , 744x472 , MAKEOVER!.png )
262190

MAKEOVER!
>>
No. 262193 ID: 35a0c6

>>262189
Can you make clothes for skinny people?
It doesn't look like you have much experience.
>>
No. 262194 ID: d677cc

>>262189
Why would it be a problem?
>>
No. 262196 ID: 1854db

It would be a problem normally because she scared the shit out of you, Ona. She knows this and is probably a little suspicious of your offer. So be as honest as possible explaining why you're still willing to help.
>>
No. 262200 ID: 9d07d9

Ask her if she has any preferences as to style, colors, etc.
>>
No. 262207 ID: 2563d4

If Ona can construct a top that is continually on the verge of but never actually fails to contain those puppies, I'm pretty sure her cloth engineering powers are adaquate to make the most of Geppa's frame.
>>
No. 262208 ID: 70d9eb

>>262189
Insist that you want to help her out with making clothes, it'll be fun!
>>
No. 262209 ID: 725496
File 129159562260.gif - (9.51KB , 800x600 , 1233.gif )
262209

"No, it's no problem."
>"How fun."
"Here, let me just grab this and we can start. Do you have any preference for styles?"
>"Oh no, not really."
>>
No. 262210 ID: 70d9eb

>>262209
Sometimes people slip with scissors, Ona, you shouldn't hold it against Geppa if, for example, she accidentally cut your top off.
>>
No. 262211 ID: 35a0c6
File 129159572192.jpg - (17.62KB , 301x330 , 1245718995317.jpg )
262211

>>262209
Oh Geppa, you scamp!
>>
No. 262212 ID: 0b2a05

You could give her a simple dress with shoulder straps... uh.. you should probably not wiggle at this moment, Geppa is holding those scissors kinda close to your skin..
>>
No. 262214 ID: 2563d4

>>262207
>If Ona can construct a top that is continually on the verge of but never actually fails to contain those puppies
>never actually fails to contain those puppies
>>262209

...

Summon the power of Taxi Rabbit. It is time to break out the druuugs and enjoy some topless chill time with your new gnoll pal.
>>
No. 262216 ID: 9b6c31

Oh goddamnit Geppa.
>>
No. 262222 ID: 725496
File 129159653858.gif - (8.98KB , 800x600 , 1234.gif )
262222

SNIP

?!
Wh-
WHAT!

"Geppa! What the hell-?!"
>>
No. 262223 ID: 725496
File 129159662946.gif - (6.43KB , 800x600 , 1235.gif )
262223

>"Listen.
>My little brother is the BEST little brother.
>If he wants you, he is going to have you.
>Even if I have to destroy all of your clothes.
>I hope you sleep with one eye open."
>>
No. 262225 ID: d677cc

>>262223
Alright, I guess she's still a fruitcake. OH WELL.
>>
No. 262226 ID: 35a0c6

Ona: Sleep with one eye open.

Also: Don't be so modest, it's nothing she hasn't seen before.

Well, then again maybe it is. But still.
>>
No. 262228 ID: 9d07d9

Assure her that if he wants you he could easily overpower you and destroy all your clothes himself.
>>
No. 262231 ID: 70d9eb

>>262223
Well Ona, there's only one real option here. You have to not wear any clothes in order to foil Geppa's plan. Dompag is a gentleman, he won't take advantage of you.
>>
No. 262233 ID: 2563d4

>>262223
Ask if she still wants you to help her make a new dress. I mean, you can't have your little sister running around in rags.
>>
No. 262235 ID: f44349

>>262223
But... but... makeovers. :<
Okay I think we need to tell Dompag about this.
He is pretty much the only one she will listen to.
Oh don't give me that look he is a perfect gentleman sheesh.
>>
No. 262238 ID: 116694

"And if he doesn't want me?"
>>
No. 262241 ID: 1854db

>>262223
Start crying and go "I thought we were going to be friends!"
>>
No. 262242 ID: 105a13

I do not like this Geppa person.
Hey, here's an Idea. Fellow voices. Let's tattle to Dompag, explain that his lil' sis is being especially psychotic towards Ona.

Also ona what are you doing stop being so modest
>>
No. 262253 ID: 40cb26

Yeah, saying Dompag can destroy you clothes if he wants to is actually a good idea. And asking her to help you make clothes for the both of you can also work out well... even if you need to say it would give Dompag something to rip up. Yeah I know it's nonsense but you're dealing with a mostly crazy person here, it's about pressing the right buttons not being rational.
>>
No. 262257 ID: 531b22

>>262253
This might work... maybe.
>>
No. 262258 ID: 71d466

Run. Hide. Cry.

Find the kobolds, they might help you!
>>
No. 262263 ID: fa980d

I'm not so sure we should tell Dompag... his big mouth would only tell Geppa, and then there would be more revenge.

Tell her, "Judging by those posters in Dompag's room, he knows that half a lady's allure is all about the tease before the actual show."
>>
No. 262279 ID: 3416ec

Now run through the dungeon.

In slow motion.


Awwww yeah.
>>
No. 262281 ID: 725496
File 129160124696.gif - (12.03KB , 800x600 , 1236.gif )
262281

"Th-this was a TRICK?! W-wh... why you... you scrawny little--!"
>"Don't be too loud, you'll call attention to yourself."
"I'm telling Dompag about this!"
>"Fine. Go tell him. Without your shirt."

...

>"See you around, Ona."
>>
No. 262282 ID: 476456

yell "I TRUSTED YOU"
>>
No. 262283 ID: a09a03

Put on a new top, pack up all your things, and leave.

You don't have to deal with this crap.
>>
No. 262284 ID: 192c6d

Ona! Tell that mean hussy she is the worst New Best Friend ever!

Also tell her you're not going to share any of your super secret love potions with her (and then proceed to replace them all with something that ensures the opposite).
>>
No. 262285 ID: fa980d

Go tell Dompag without your shirt. Tell him if he was a real gentleman and wanted to earn points with you, he'd get you a whole new wardrobe.
>>
No. 262286 ID: 35a0c6

There's a shirt right there, use it.
>>
No. 262289 ID: 531b22

>>262283
and what go on the road, through the forest... full of rapists? Hell no.

At least here were know where all the doors are and who to look out for (ie: crazygnoll more than her 'little brother')

Anyhow, Let's have a look at those crystals, I want to test if they are magical or something. (can you actually do that?)
>>
No. 262290 ID: 9d07d9

... Well you have others, don't you? Or do you wear those exact same articles of clothing every single day?
>>
No. 262308 ID: 70d9eb

>>262281
If you wear more clothing she'll just be able to cut through it. You need to wear that barrel.
>>
No. 262323 ID: 3416ec

Wear shirt. Find a chainmail tunic to wear over that.

Then hide all the pliers.
>>
No. 262329 ID: 1854db

There's a shirt right there on that armor rack.
>>
No. 262331 ID: e3f578

>>262308
Nothing beats the classics
>>
No. 262333 ID: b36dbd

Yes, wear the barrel. Then you not only have something to cover up with, you can also hide in it like a turtle!
>>
No. 262355 ID: 5a2e05

Dompag is a gentleman, you'll be fine.
>>
No. 262361 ID: 8555c2
File 129162094192.jpg - (34.64KB , 300x449 , scarecrow.jpg )
262361

Ona, it's time you put your bag of tricks to use.
>>
No. 262367 ID: 701a19

>>262281
Hey, what's that in the back corner? You know, next to the pikes?
Izzat a shirt? Perhaps of the armored variety?

Put that on and go tell Dompag.
We would do it for you, but our aim with these crystals is pretty bad; we'd probably wind up watching failed attempts at kobold sex instead.
>>
No. 262429 ID: 725496
File 129165630361.gif - (11.95KB , 800x600 , 1237.gif )
262429

You're right. There's no need to respond at her level. We're all adults here.
I should just go to Dompag and tell him exactly what's going on.
>>
No. 262431 ID: 1578e2

>>262429
Preferably, Ona, without freaking out, sweating bullets, stammering constantly, and dilating your pupils.

Also be aware that Dompag is a class act and will protect you from Geppa if she actually physically attacks you while he's there.

Also don't give scissors to nutjobs.
>>
No. 262434 ID: 70d9eb

>>262429
Bring nanroot with you.
>>
No. 262437 ID: a09a03

You should carry sleep dust, or something. Someone giving you problems? Paf! Dust.
>>
No. 262444 ID: 39d300

>>262429
Be aware that Dompag is a bit of a Casanova, and may initially not take you seriously. But he's a good guy. You just need to be firm about this!
>>
No. 262449 ID: 47ef4b

>>262444
>Be aware that Dompag is a Casanova, and may take you. You just need to be firm!
MY BRAIN
>>
No. 262462 ID: dad664

>>262429
Also be aware that Geppa may be shadowing you to go snip-snip at any clothes you will be wearing en-route to Dompag.

I suggest something scissors can't cut.
>>
No. 262488 ID: 6040f7

Geppa's a sneaky one. She may tell Dompag some filthy lies about you too, so be prepared to back it up - tell him she still has the scissors and your shirt somewhere in her possession.
>>
No. 262498 ID: 192c6d

>>262462

Time to bust out the chainmail bikini. I'm sure Ridder's Mom has an extra if you need it.
>>
No. 262499 ID: 20fc85

>>262429
I coulda sworn there was another time where scissors were a bad idea...
...
probably doesn't matter

But seriously, Dompag is a good guy. He's kinda like that guy who has fun by flirting with people, but underneath it is much more mature than he lets on.
If you have an issue, he'll do what he can to help.

Proof is the princess.
>>
No. 262581 ID: 8b9dd7

May need to upgrade to some stronger fabrics. She still has the pair of scissors afterall.
>>
No. 262690 ID: 6040f7

>>262499

That's it. We should talk to the Princess. She has Dompag's ear. She can help us get Dompag to see what Geppa really is.
>>
No. 262817 ID: 9eb660

Dompag knows how crazy Geppa is; he's just....really calm and able to handle it.

Ergo, if you tell Dompag, he'll probably turn it into a roundabout joke and get you all flustered; but he'll still make sure Geppa gets managed.
>>
No. 262959 ID: 725496
File 129184414466.gif - (12.01KB , 800x600 , 1238.gif )
262959

I'm sorry to pull you away from whatever important task you were dealing with back at the base, but I needed your help.

>"And why exactly should I let you in to see the Patriarch? He's a very busy and very important man."
>>
No. 262960 ID: 3416ec

"We have information regarding the Matriarch's battle strategy. It could prove very useful to ending this civil war."

A statement both truthful AND untruthful.
>>
No. 262967 ID: d677cc

>>262960
I'll admit, this is a cool idea.
>>
No. 262969 ID: e3f578

>>262959
"I'm the future Volto King once I start an uprising and a lot of chaos. We got shit to do and allies to make and your patriarch is it. He's the real man with the plan. In fact he has all of them. I shall be of great assistance to the effort of the bugmen's plans. I respect what your doing here and all. When your woman isn't birthing your heir you've got problems. I'm sure you understand, you seem like quite the fucking lady killer. No doubt you sympathize with this problem. Well son I SOLVE problems and make plans.

And from this whole conversation that just took place that's exactly what you need. Why didn't you just ask for an extra planner and problem solver already sheesh." Walk past him and say, "Damn fools doing nothing but blabbing off about their problems. We ain't got time for this sort of shit do we Finesse. Hell no we don't"

This will leave him so fucking confused he wont even know what to do.
>>
No. 262985 ID: 6040f7

>>262960
Don't say the part about ending the civil war, instead say it could prove useful to the Patriarch. For all we know the Patriarch's side wants this war just as badly as the Matriarch's Consulate.
>>
No. 263051 ID: 725496
File 129187001215.gif - (11.47KB , 800x600 , 1239.gif )
263051

>>262969
You're right! That will confuse him! I know, because I'm confused. What the hell am I thinking?

"We possess valuable intelligence regarding the Matriarch's military strategy. It could prove very useful to the Patriarch. You've already checked us for weapons, so you know we pose no threat."

The guard nods with little hesitation and slowly steps aside, his armor clanking loudly.
>"Very well. That certainly is something that the Patriarch would welcome. Just be forewarned that you will be fined if you are just wasting His time. I advise you be respectful in His court."
>>
No. 263054 ID: 70d9eb

>>263051
Walk in there like you own the place, because you soon will. THIS GUARD IS A FEEBLE PEON THAT WILL SOON BE YOURS TO CONTROL. Get to the king and get him alone, and see if you can get things copacetic.
>>
No. 263065 ID: 3416ec

>>263051

Stride in, do the usual royal protocol, and examine the situation.
>>
No. 263068 ID: 0b2a05

Don't be haughty. I get the feeling that the folks here aren't going to be as accepting as the ladies.

Walk in with respectability and confidence. Look around, try to get a feel for people's reactions, you might be able to use them.
>>
No. 263115 ID: 6040f7

As you walk in, lean over and whisper to Finesse, "I want you to keep your eyes open. Watch everyone here, and tell me if anyone acts suspicious or is overly interested in us while I speak with the King."
>>
No. 263224 ID: 725496
File 129194465645.gif - (17.33KB , 800x600 , 1240.gif )
263224

You're right. I should be confident, but humble and cautious until I can better assess the situation here. I will have to be on my guard, but not let weakness show.

After I'm introduced, I step into the Patriarch's chamber, which is uncomfortably warm due to a large fire roaring from a grand fireplace in the back. Banners hang around the walls, and before a classical wooden throne there stands a particularly large man in full military regalia.
>"Ah, you must be the man called Malto. Welcome, welcome! Men, show this man the proper respects!"
The guards -- or are they advisers as well? -- all stand and nod to me, hands folded behind their backs.

The Patriarch holds a massive drinking horn, filled with some concoction so alcoholic I can smell it from across the room. He places two hands on his side and raises the horn with two others.
>"Well, come in, come in! I hear you have valuable strategic information about our mutual enemy."
>>
No. 263231 ID: f59554

Maybe something on the lines of, "I do, but before I indulge, I'm curious... From your mouth, why is it that you have become enemies with the Matriarch?"
>>
No. 263232 ID: 39d300

>>263224
My he's a manly man. I'm not really into bugs... and for the life of me they all kindof look the same to me, but this one really stands out. He looks strong and boisterous. It's no wonder the Matriarch loved him.

Anyway, our information basically amounts to "The Matriarch doesn't want the war, and is being herded into it by her advisors, who are the ones actually running the show." And we could think up any number of ways to work around that, for any number of ends, but the truth is we really don't know what the Patriarch wants yet.

So we should really find out. Let's try to get his story, before we do anything.
>>
No. 263248 ID: e3f578

"Ah yes, I admit to hearing a few things bout a certain tunnel in your city but I'm afraid rather than specific battle plans of the enemy what I have most knowledge of is something rather personal between you and the Queen and the cause behind this war. I must ask are these your war consulate or guard? With this being quite rather well personal affairs I think can can surmise you'd be much more comfortable discussing these issues with the presence of the guards rather than your fellow co-workers and strategists."

You can add in why I'm even mention having the guard with him to discuss it. It's because you're a stranger here, you can't really be trusted completely alone with the Patriach. The advisers would never allow it. Hopefully he'll choose a dumb ignorant shit of a guard that wouldn't understand a lick of what you two are even talking about.
>>
No. 263249 ID: 2850c8

Tell him that what you need to speak to him about are highly sensitive and should be discussed in private.
>>
No. 263252 ID: 70d9eb

>>263224
Tell him you think it would be prudent to discuss the matters in private, perhaps over a nice drink.
>>
No. 263262 ID: 2563d4

Yeah, we need this guy alone.

You brought knives, right?
>>
No. 263321 ID: 639064

Notice that fucking awesome MANLY BADASS SCAR and mention it, and perhaps show him the scar on your knee. Before you know it you two will be back-slappin, war-story-exchangin' manly man friends.

Also, pretend to drink but don't actually. You're good at that, right?
>>
No. 263421 ID: 24a9bd

Say "something like that, yes". Stay affirmative, but vague. Tell him you're interested in his culture first, he seems like kind of a nice guy, so maybe he'll tell you some stuff about the whole setup he's got here.
>>
No. 263461 ID: a41aaf

Well shit, it looks like he's continuing the war of his own volition, rather than being used as a figurehead by a cabal of 'advisors'.

Or they're just keeping him perpetually drunk, which seems like an untenable plan in the long run.
>>
No. 263472 ID: 45be60

"Indeed sir! I have information which, if acted upon with the utmost care, could end the war completely. Because of the sensitive nature of the intelligence I have to offer, I suggest we discuss it somewhere more private, or at LEAST with only your top adviser. It would not do to have loose lips accidentally leak what I am about to say, and have it reach back to the queen's army. Understand, if they find out you know what I am about to tell you, the queen's forces will take steps to stop it."
>>
No. 263483 ID: 6040f7

>>263461

You'd be surprised. Muschio, does he seem drunk?
>>
No. 263650 ID: 725496
File 129208920262.gif - (10.69KB , 800x600 , 1241.gif )
263650

The man certainly seems drunk, but at first glance he appears to handle it well. He's coherent, or at least seems to be.

"It is with little hesitation I would share this vital information. However, first, I seek some insight myself. Tell me, in your own words, what exactly is the reason that you and the Matriarch have become foes?"

One of the advisers speaks up quickly.
>"That harpy! She's the one who betrayed the Patriarch, and our nation! How like a woman, when hardship strikes, to drive the wedge which fractures a nation! How disrespectful, that whore, to-!"
The Patriarch turns with a sudden vicious scowl at his adviser and brings a fist down onto his throne, filling the room with its reverberating impact and casting a fearful silence to all present. The enormous man growls.
>"Hold your damn tongue, you disrespectful whelp, or I'll have it cut out! For the time being, that woman is still my wife, and I will not have you speak of her that way. Now show some respect and decorum in my court."
>"Y-your Majesty. A thousand pardons."
>>
No. 263652 ID: 28c688

That's good.

Man has control over his court.

See if you can't arrange to speak in private with him.

If it would not be rude of course.
>>
No. 263653 ID: 725496
File 129208941198.gif - (8.23KB , 800x600 , 1242.gif )
263653

The Patriarch then returns his attention to me.
>"Such an odd question, stranger. Such a peculiar thing to be concerned with. Except, of course, if you were an agent of the Matriarch, seeking to resolve the quarrel by digging into my own strategy and motivations."
"...I assure you, your Majesty-"
>"You are an agent under her survey, are you not? She sent you here, I suspected as much already."
An angry murmur goes up through the room, between the advisers, but the Patriarch himself just smiles confidently.
>"Tell my wife that if she wishes to come crawling to me for forgiveness, she will have to do it herself. I would not sacrifice the pleasure of such a sight to have a lackey do so in her place."
>>
No. 263654 ID: 7b904f

>>263650
Well then, that is certainly promising, perhaps we can suggest we take this delicate discussion into more relaxed, less public setting?

>>263653
Dammit... uhm... damn.
>>
No. 263660 ID: 725496

>>263659
>>263657
>>263655
Please don't triple post in the space of five minutes. Don't treat this thread as your stream of consciousness.
>>
No. 263662 ID: 701a19

>>263653
"Hmm... The direct approach, then. I am a free agent seeking to build alliances; resolving your conflict is simply a way to build political capital. I am here for entirely selfish reasons, and met with her first only because it was a marginally faster route to travel.
There are a few things I need to speak to you about that would best be said someplace where there are no ears attached to loose lips."
Glare at the adviser who spoke out while saying that last bit.
>>
No. 263663 ID: 1854db

He didn't answer the question.

Hehe. Twist his words against him by saying "Oh, so you would wish to be together with her again? Why do you not go to her instead?"
>>
No. 263666 ID: 28c688

sorry

How about this.
Become indignant
Furious that he would insinuate such a thing, claiming that the liquor has addled his brain
With due respect of course.

Or, you could play to his ego.
Congratulate him for figuring out so much... with due embellishment of course

Think back to your days in court, weave together lies, truth and flattery with a hint of nobility.
>>
No. 263668 ID: c71597

>>263653
Tell him that you were simply there to confirm something for yourself. Now that you have done so you will leave.
>>
No. 263678 ID: 725496
File 129209195435.gif - (8.21KB , 800x600 , 1243.gif )
263678

I step forward, nodding humbly.
"Your perception is impressive, your Majesty. I have indeed been to see the Matriarch in her court already. But to her I do not owe my allegiance; indeed, I am a free agent, and my goals here are selfish."
>"Speak then, what is it you seek, Malto?"
"I have come to seek a resolution to the conflict that consumes your land. Its end would prove greatly beneficial to myself and to my own territories and peoples."

Another murmur goes through the room, and some of the advisers scoff wordlessly.
>"I'm afraid your interests and mine do not align, stranger. This war has been a boon to myself and my citizens. A war of prosperity and industry. A war we are winning!"
The advisers cheer proudly, applauding their ruler, but his smile fades.
>"However, I think I may have a use for you. I will not end this war, but if you are willing to perform some duties for me, as a free agent, then perhaps I can strike a deal with your lands that will prove profitable."
>>
No. 263680 ID: 639064

"What are they then? I am no assassin, Patriarch."
>>
No. 263681 ID: 7b904f

>>263678
Profitable, how so?
>>
No. 263682 ID: c71597

>>263678
Eh, fuck this guy. Go with the queen instead. You're a smart guy, you can figure out a way to turn around the Matriarch's fortunes of war and give her a stunning victory, kill off her council and pretty much take power here through her as a proxy. She can get her old husband as a love slave or something.

It will make sure that you personally get a stronger position. Rather than having to trust this guy to remain on a friendly footing to you. Besides, it means that there one less territory you need to conqour once you have taken back your home.
>>
No. 263684 ID: 70d9eb

>>263678
Inquire about the specifics of the duties. You'll be able to get some immediate benefits and get closer to the patriarch for later attempts at ending the war.
>>
No. 263686 ID: 725496
File 129209286889.gif - (11.17KB , 800x600 , 1244.gif )
263686

"What sort of duties? I am no assassin, your Highness."
>"Of course not. It's nothing of that sort, I assure you. But your unique position may benefit the intelligence of my side. Men! If you will excuse me, Malto and I have matters to discuss, which I believe will be more easily handled without your audience. Please, leave us for a few minutes while I sort this out."
The advisers file out the door, leaving with a salute, until only the Patriarch is left in the room with us.

Suddenly, I feel strangely apprehensive.
>>
No. 263687 ID: c71597

>>263686
Kick him in the nads if he tries to kiss you.
>>
No. 263688 ID: 907423

YES. Alone with him. Now we can actually TALK to him, not just listen to him posturing before his court.

Let him speak first.
>>
No. 263689 ID: 70d9eb

I feel some deja vu here, Muschio. I think he's going to kiss you. Make sure not to offend him, it's probably traditional to kiss free agents.
>>
No. 263690 ID: 7b904f

>>263687
do these guys even have... you know, nevermind I DON'T want to know the answer to that.
>>
No. 263691 ID: 701a19

>>263688
Yes, lets hear him out!
>>
No. 263693 ID: dad664

>>263686
Quick! Hold Finesse up to deflect the incoming Manbug Kiss!
>>
No. 263698 ID: 725496
File 129209369174.gif - (13.31KB , 800x600 , 1245.gif )
263698

The last adviser step outs and closes the heavy door.

The Patriarch immediately collapses backwards into his throne, slumped and weary. He seems to sit there, crumpled like a sheet of paper, for a very long time.
When he finally speaks again, his voice is tired and weak.
>"God, I miss her."

>"...Did she say anything about me?"
>>
No. 263699 ID: c71597

>>263698
That she wants to bone him. Badly. Oh, and she doesn't give a fuck who wins or looses. In fact she was willing to give the whole clusterfuck to you if you could just find a way to get him back to her.
>>
No. 263700 ID: dad664

>>263698
"Dude, she misses you like blind archer misses his target. From what I've briefly seen, you two are like yin and yang. Her advisors walk all over her, not even letting her get a word in edgewise, whereas you lay down the law and show your own who wears the pantaloons in the relationship."

"We really need to get you two back together. It's not healthy for you and her and it's not healthy for your people either."
>>
No. 263701 ID: 7b904f

>>263698
The feeling is more than mutual I assure you your majesty.
>>
No. 263711 ID: 701a19

>>263698
"Yes, she's madly in love with you and miserable without you, and told me outright that she doesn't care what happens as long as she gets to be with you. Running away, surrendering, being kidnapped, she doesn't give a damn how it happens, but her advisers won't even let her speak, let alone set policy.

Personally, I think the best bet would be to capture her and then make up some tripe about life-binding loyalty magic so your 'advisers' can't string her up. The downside there is that her faction would become a leaderless 'resistance movement'.

Or just round those sycophants up and execute the lot of them for treason; starting a civil war with intent of regicide in truth, but trumped up charges of aiding and abetting an enemy of the state in public."
>>
No. 263712 ID: 7b904f

>>263711
Wait, what? that... uhm. That doesn't sound very effective at all. It wouldn't take care of the advisers on this side and it has a huge chance of fucking up their relationship significantly.

Besides that the fact that it wouldn't cause a clean unification and wouldn't allow us to squeeze the maximum military benefit from a nation with it's own insurgency problem.
>>
No. 263739 ID: 70e5c6

>>263698
Tell him that the Matriarch is in the same situation. She has long ago stopped caring about their quarrel and wants it all to end so that they can be a couple again, but she's caught in two bad situations - first, the fact that the people seem to love this little dispute and it appears to be good for the country, and second, that she's pretty much ruled by her advisors.

Tell him that if he wants to get back together, he needs to come up with a plan that will both keep the people happy and take care of her advisors.

You've thought about some different plans so far; one of the only ones *I* can think of is that he "kidnap" the Matriarch. And then have her get "rescued" after a while, and either get kidnapped himself or just kidnap her again. It's silly, but it would allow them to see each other and keep the people riled up. However, I think that would only be a temporary solution. The only way they could end this conflict completely would be to either stop the war (bad for business) or channel that energy into something else, like sports, or a new "war" to fight.
>>
No. 263747 ID: 701a19

>>263739
...or they get back together and declare that the one who wears the crown is whichever of the two controls the land. Claim that it's to better respond to mutual threats or something.
Specifically, claim that the usurper of Muschio's empire attempted to assassinate the both of them, and claim that the advisers were in his employ. Add in something about them poisoning the pair to prevent an heir from being born, and put their heads on pikes as a warning to other traitors.

Then the people would be united against a common enemy strawman, and beating each other over the head to distract from any real issues and the fact that they have no real say in how things are run.
Yes, we will introduce them to DEMOCRACY!
>>
No. 263772 ID: 639064

The mutual threat should be the advisors. The people love them, but what the people love more is to hate traitors - especially ones they used to love.

How can we go about blaming them for this.
>>
No. 263776 ID: c71597

>>263772
We win the war and become even more popular than them. Then we have the Matriarch and the Patriach come out and tell their heartrending story of true love that was denied because of outdated customs and how they were forced into this war by the greed and lust for power of their councils. A quick trial and a swift beheading of previous council members later and we're in buisness. Get set up as some sort of protector of the state or something and can draw on the military might of the kingdom without any annoying councils interefering in our plans.
>>
No. 264155 ID: bdf739

>>263698
Well, go ahead and tell the truth, Muschio.
She misses him terribly, but the war's too popular for her to end by herself. In fact, she's largely constrained by her own people.
... I wonder if they've considered eloping? ... but that wouldn't really solve our problem, would it?
>>
No. 264176 ID: 2222da

Not sure if we can get them together, keep them in power, AND keep the war going, unless you want to dig a super-long secret tunnel from one fortress to the other.

If we dump the last condition... Recall that the war so far has consisted primarily of non-lethal head-bopping. Assuming we can find a willing participant from both sides, we could:

1.Strap bloodbags and bags of offal to them, underneath armour.

2. Have Muschio, or possibly someone more savage-looking (though Mushchio would get a bonus for being known as polite and reasonable by both parties) attack both sides in as savage a display as possible, biting, clawing, etc. Getting our "corpses" away from scrutiny would be a bit of a problem.

3. Both sides are now stunned, and out for blood. Muchio (Or other) could say that the advisors paid him to "kill" the two. Don't say which advisors, just "your leader's advisors". Run like hell, and let nature take its course.

Of course, there's still a lot of problems with this, I'm just throwing ideas out there.
>>
No. 264182 ID: 1854db

How about... instead of one big war, they could repeatedly patch up differences and have falling outs? Repeated engagements.

But yeah tell him that she misses him too. She doesn't care about being queen, she just wants him back... but she also doesn't want the people to be unhappy.
>>
No. 264198 ID: c5628c

Maybe we can change this war into a monthly, or even weekly wargame/competition. How this can be dome is maybe: make an annoucement to the whole land that the Queen and King will meet together at a designated battlefield. Once there with their respected armies, have the royals say that this battle will determine the victor of the war, at this point the royals should be sitting on a balcony or something and watch the fight. After the battle is over, the losing royal should then say about having a rematch or something and to return to that location in, I don't know, 5-7 days. Rinse and repeat.
>>
No. 264250 ID: 6040f7

>>264198

This could work. In fact, why not turn this whole war into a Colosseum/Gladiator style thing? Bread and circuses! Eventually the war would give way to a friendly rivalry that could re-unite the kingdom.
>>
No. 264259 ID: a41aaf

>>264198
Or the reverse: Have the King and Queen declare they grow tired of proxy wars, and intend to settle their differences personally. Choose ceremonial weapons as desired, commence mock combat choreographed to end in a draw, etc.
>>
No. 264281 ID: 492153

>>263698
I have an idea
propose that rather than have there armies determine the victor of the war that instead both the patriarch and matriarch will fight it out in single combat. The loser will be bound to the other.
Of coarse it will all be a farce, when both rulers go in for the final blow they will "knock each other out" as a result since no one won and they both lost they will both be tied to one another. Note that the rules of the competition don't state that the winner gets anything apart from the devotion of the loser.
>>
No. 264400 ID: d8049a

>>264259
>>264281
Won't work. The coucils are in control (in case of the Martiarch it is literally political control, in this case the dude still has to wear a conqueror mask to not lose influence). They will find a million reasons such a duel could not be arranged. They're not stupid enough to let go of their power so easily.

I'm still gonna stick with the "outside threat" plan. Introduce some mysterious agent that attempts to assassinate both rulers. Maybe kill someone from both councils to show that this is srs bzns. Once everyone is sufficiently scared, the rulers play the "in our quarrels we have forgotten what truly unites us" card.
>>
No. 264588 ID: 6040f7

>>264400

The councils are powerful because they are loved by the people for the war. We need a way to either destroy that popularity or use it to our advantage. The outside threat plan could work, especially if say, a terrorist attack meant for the Matriarch or Patriarch accidentally took out the council instead...
>>
No. 264624 ID: 071ddb

I'd be a little more concerned about how this whole mess got started. Since it's now clear that neither of the royals hates one another, someone's been tampering with court politics to start this rift. I won't go so far as to say both courts are in a conspiracy, but someone had to have a major part to play in this. Let's see if he knows who started the mud flinging.
>>
No. 264664 ID: a41aaf

>>264624
That's a good point. For the war to continue this long without either side gaining an upper hand does rather smack of collusion.
>>
No. 264667 ID: c71597

>>264664
Both councilcs are gaining an absurd amount of wealth, power and influence over this deal. They won't allow it to stop for any reason we fabricate. They will find a way out of it. Only way we can get it done is if we force them to stop.

One way to do that is gain hugely in popularity among the soldiers and outmaneouvering the councils. One way to do that would be to get assigned a command on either side, possibly the queens would be easier since our vassal supported them in the past, get a few victories under our belt, maybe a promotion or two. Win the war if we can, execute the king's council as warmongers or whatever accusation we see fit as the victors. Then we uncover the vile schemes of the queen's council that may or may not exist of deposing her and the starting of the war and making it drag out unecessarily to increase their own power. Shorten them by a head as well. Victory is achieved, we're popular among our new subject, queen gets to bone her hubby again and everyone who is not dead is happy.
>>
No. 264724 ID: 8a6625

>>264667
oh you evil genius you
>>
No. 264726 ID: 639064

>>264667

It could work. In addition, we could sow distrust among the councils by insinuating that there is a spy for the opposite side in each of their ranks. They will be too busy spying on each other to realize we are slowly building power.
>>
No. 264806 ID: a41aaf

>>264667
>Win the war
Yeah... the whole plan sort of hinges on this, and it may not be an option. Even ignoring the loss of life it would entail that would cause either monarch to veto the plan, a sudden change to the balance of power would not go unnoticed by the 'advisory' councils.
Any plan enacted would have to be very rapid in order to successfully unseat the status quobefore the councils can react. It would need to be simultaneous for either side (almost ruling out personal intervention). It would need obvious authority stemming from the monarchs in order to shift the balance of power. An 'external threat' plan could be hijacked by the councils, and any attempt to smear them without overwhelming and in controvertible evidence will likely fail. They wouldn't have maintained power this long if they did not have tight control of the information that reaches the populace.

BITCH BITCH BITCH, I know, but I'm having trouble thinking of anything better myself either
>>
No. 264817 ID: c71597

>>264806
Loss of life is a regretable thing but the cost of doing buisness in a war. Although it might not come to that, since we happen to have access to a highly skilled herbalist and most of the fighting takes places in tunnels which probably doesn't have the best smoke ventilation system in existance. Knock out herbs in a fire, a decent fan to get it in the right direction, BAM. Instant victory. We got a goblin that can build the fan. Should work a few times before they figure out a counter, and if we move rapidly and deploy it at the right times we can probably win in quite a short while. There's also the fact that neitehr council is fighting to win, if we go into it with the mindset to end it and get the soldiers in on it we should be able to make some decent gains.

Now they're of course going to be a bit pissy and cautious when things get started. Which is why we need to do some groundwork. We're going to need the queen's help on this to know which ones we can trust, anyway, we need to spread our tale a bit among the common people. Get them to know the tragic tale of brave Prince Mushio Malto and how he has come to fight for the queen, to make sure that she doesn't share his fate. Polish it up with some heroics and stuff and it should give us some popularity.

So we win, kill off the king's council as the guilty party. Bring back the king to the queen's mercy. Meanwhile we either find some documents that seem credible, given that we're now a warhero and a popular figure, that link the queen's council to it as well, maybe even say they drugged the queen with infertility meds, who know they might even have done it. Anyway, it ties them to the plot, we kill them without bothering with a public trail, possibly exile their families. Or we just let Geppa loose on them and tell her we don't want anyone of them of their families alive by tomorrow. All very tragic, will be a big state funeral for the whole lot and lots of crying.
>>
No. 264858 ID: 61bf8c

Let's simplify this:
Goal: get support of the bug nation.
Problem: Nation is at civil war
Cause: Advisors have engineered a society of civil war, led by their respective figureheads.

If you want to get rid of the cause, why not:
1. Convince both monarchs the advisors are the source of their problems to get their support for-
2. Assassinate both teams of advisors at once, or maybe in a back-and-forth fashion so that-
3. The king and queen can then take control of the situation wit the advisors out of the way and politically bullshit things back together.

Reasoning: The advisors have invested their significant political power into their respective figureheads as symbols for their citizens to rally around. The advisors also keep said figureheads under lock and key so they cannot get a word in edgewise, and even when they do the advisors very quickly ensure that said words do not leave the court under pain of death or worse. Once the advisors are gone, their figureheads will be able to unleash all of that ideological power that has been invested into them to hopefully bring about another era of peace.

Sidenote: they still need to have a kid, so perhaps we could have a discrete eloping session enhanced with voodoo magic, and when queen can confirm pregnancy thats when our move is made.

Theory: Could the advisors also be engineering the queen's barren womb?

Devil's Advocate: See about joining the conspiracy that the advisors have going on. It may be for some 'greater good' that we could take advantage of.
>>
No. 264862 ID: 475314

we want to accomplish a lot of things.
1. reunite the king and queen
2. eliminate the corrupt council
3. keep the public happy and on our side
4. keep the war going to help the economy

i think the best way to get all this is simple
assassinate the council, blame one of our enemies.
if we do this, we can reunite the kingdom against a common enemy. the public will see the king and queen put aside their differences and come together to fight this shared threat. the two sides of this civil war will become one army against these murderous villains. the public will cheer as the royal family leads this army to avenge the fallen consulate. king and queen are happy, council is dead, public cheers us on, and profits soar. plus we get the added benefit of sending an army against one of our enemies. we just need to eliminate the council, and blame someone else.
>>
No. 264868 ID: 475314

>>264862
>>264858
we have some experience with poisons so we should be able to assassinate the consulate. but do we want an era of peace, or to continue this profitable war? let's not forget why we came here in the first place. to gain favor with the victor of this civil war in order to gain an army.
>>
No. 264890 ID: a65ced

Sorry for being out of nowhere, but... is it so wrong I think the song "Bikinigram From Satan" would be an epic song for Muschio? Or a possible wacky villain character yet to be seen?

Since I couldn't put in anything that hasn't already been brought up... I thought I might as well bring up a catchy evil song. But then half of Dr. Steel's songs are catchy evil songs.
>>
No. 264914 ID: 6040f7

Winning the war is not the answer for us - the war should be a secondary distraction at best. We don't have the forces or the time, as has been stated. We should go right for the councils - either by sowing the seeds of distrust among them so they are no longer united or by assassination.

Another thought occurred to me: How do we know the two Councils aren't working together? We should attempt to monitor their communication.
>>
No. 264916 ID: d60b6c

This looks like it's getting super complicated...

I plan to be of no help. I think the kings drinking horn would make a decent hat, I think the king himself would make a decent hat.
>>
No. 264922 ID: 1854db

...I see the council as less corrupt and more simply kinda rude and zealous.
>>
No. 265917 ID: c5628c

>>264922
That's how I saw it.
>>
No. 265947 ID: 1963d1

>>264922
>>265917
tgchan has been writing lies and slanderous things about the council to itself for so long that it now actually believes them.

This is... a dangerous mentality to have. I propose we take a few steps back here and just talk to the patriarch before we plot an entire civil uprising.
>>
No. 266157 ID: f59554

Agreed, the councils obey orders when their leader actually speaks up.
>>
No. 266335 ID: 1e9d01

Something I thought of recently:
Replace the king and queen with impostors. Disguises! Or lookalikes.
>>
No. 267505 ID: f574fd
File 129360545024.jpg - (148.08KB , 709x894 , Ychan - r - pics of rain - 26666.jpg )
267505

bloodshed from an anonymous outer source in the ranks of the advisors will only incent bloodshed in the war.

you must INTRODUCE NEW ADVISORS FRIENDLY TO YOUR CAUSE, taking a powerbase in both senates.

when your plants are set, THAT is when you will introduce an unseen enemy from afar, assasinating the political detractor and leaving only your friendly counsellors.

with this done, you must implicate the rebel kingdom as the murderors of the councils, and swiftly combine the matriarch and patriarch's kingdoms, at once stoping the infighting and focusing the rage and bloodlust of the populace on a new, personaly advantageous target.


FOR EPIC JUSTICE!!!!
>>
No. 267506 ID: 3392ab

>>267505

>>
No. 269088 ID: 6040f7

>>267505

How are we supposed to introduce our own advisors? The Councils are obviously going to veto that.
>>
No. 269090 ID: 192c6d

>>263698

Obviously it is time for both to simultaneously declare a "truce" to pursue "peaceful negotiations", which culminate with them re-declaring their marriage (?) and basically uniting the bug-people again.

We should also send a fruit-basket to Ridder as an apology.
>>
No. 269091 ID: 192c6d

>>269090

Sorry, my evil pen ran out of ink. Anyway, while this looks like a nice cuddly, GOOD-GUY front, it's actually a way to have them indebted to you.

They will prove a strong ally, especially if we later work to coerce their advisors to help direct a few matters.
>>
No. 278665 ID: 543aa6
File 129674342218.gif - (9.33KB , 800x600 , 1246.gif )
278665

After I inform the Patriarch of his wife's mutual passion, he quickly agrees to conference with myself and Finesse about a strategy.

We labor long over many options, and between the three of us propose a great number of paths our efforts may take us.
Two things become clear. One: The vile poison called Love truly rotted the mind of this once-great man and turned him into this sad spectacle of spinelessness. Two: He is equally restrained by his own advisers, though for entirely different reasons than the Matriarch is bound by her most trusted officers. Pride is a dangerous thing, left unchecked, and I can see its debilitating effects on this man, who has cast out his allies and his happiness in a vain attempt to appease those closest to him. To appear strong before his peers, he has chosen the path of least resistance, and thus demonstrated his true weakness.

And yet, it is pity, not disgust, with which I view these two. Matriarch K'miele has offered me great things if I can help them resolve this, and the Patriarch shares her sentiments. A resolution, then, behooves us all.

But in our planning, amid our countless proposals, we find little permanence to our designs. But patience is my most well-honed virtue, and after many hours I believe we have finally reached a kind of solution.

To understand a solution, we first must understand the problem. As outlined, there are three major obstacles in the way of our resolution:
1: Industry and Economy. Perhaps the stickiest issue of the lot, there is no denying that war is good for business and industry. A veritable legion of smiths have been put to use alongside uncountable other professions, churning out goods in true wartime efficiency. The continuation of the war is in the interest of both sides, due to the prosperity and self-sufficiency generated. However, it also cuts off trade and diplomatic relations, which I need. If the efforts could be continued, but redirected to another goal (perhaps my own) things would work out, but I do not have an army that needs arming, nor the money to fuel these industries myself.
2: The public must find a substitute for their aggressions. The gears of war are turn slowly, and heavily, but once in motion, they are difficult to stop. These people are incensed with war and feverish with violence, and they will not react favorably to the outbreak of peace sullying their enjoyable stretch of war. They need an outlet for their violence, a way to channel this civil war and burning patriotism into something less destructive. In a stroke of brilliance, I suggested a national sport. The Patriarch thought it was genius, and rightly so: a way to maintain peace, and still have the glory, cheering, and bullheaded stubbornness that goes with war.
3: The advisers are rallying the public against the other side and manipulating the true rulers. To win the approval of their people, the advisers must be ousted or otherwise dealt with. Though public executions are tempting in their own right, your suggestions of merely discrediting and disempowering them are the most tactful ones on the subject. We need only to find a way to shift public admiration solely to the Matriarch and Patriarch -- to make the people realize they hold the power.

All of these things will require action and deep consideration. But the most important and toughest question lingers: How do we present the two true rulers as the sole figures deserving respect and command before a public so easily-swayed?
>>
No. 278666 ID: 543aa6
File 129674343890.gif - (13.84KB , 800x600 , 1247.gif )
278666

And that's when an uninvited guest arrived.

>"Patriarch Mehmed! Your angel of death awaits!
>>
No. 278668 ID: 2563d4

>>278666
Well fancy that, it's the guy who raided your lair and got away. You kept your sword on you, right?
>>
No. 278670 ID: f88f02

>>278666
Time to take revenge on behalf of the kobold this motherfucker burned. Get Finesse to escort the patriarch to safety while you kick some ass!
>>
No. 278679 ID: 1854db

Wrist crossbow time.
>>
No. 278681 ID: 197650

if he jumps at you, his entire body will be left exposed, stab him before he can land.
>>
No. 278682 ID: 70d9eb

>>278666
Go grab the throne and try to flip it to knock the intruder off balance and through the window.
>>
No. 278701 ID: 194375

yell for the guards
>>
No. 278714 ID: 68b2ee

>>278666
Protect him at all costs!!
>>
No. 278715 ID: dad664

>>278666
Finesse: Finally find a use for those vials you carry around.
>>
No. 278750 ID: 1854db

I have an idea.

The people want to keep fighting? Let's let them fight our enemies. We can set up something with the king and queen so that the people think they're being attacked by the fuckers that stole our throne! Hell, after killing this guy they could say he's an assassin sent by them.
>>
No. 278754 ID: 70d9eb

>>278750
We could even say that he was an assassin employed by the advisors to attempt to steal the throne.
>>
No. 278763 ID: 3416ec

Grab the king and throw him out of the way!
>>
No. 278828 ID: f8fbbd

>>278666

Provide a distraction with your wrist bow, yell for the guards and run!
>>
No. 278872 ID: d6ae01

You still don't know shit about this guy. Hold back for a moment, but do put up a call for guards.
>>
No. 278947 ID: f8fbbd

>>278872

Yes he does, It's The Pretender and the same guy that fucked up Tislomer's face and tried to nab our fang necklace.
>>
No. 279002 ID: 3fb003

>>278947

We have no way of actually having any knowledge aside from the fact that he is responsible for the kobold incident. We "weren't present" for the events of that side-story.
>>
No. 279004 ID: 2563d4

>>278872
>>278947
>>279002
>>/questdis/340629
>>
No. 279041 ID: 492153

>>278666
Wait wait wait
He is going with that overused line?
Begin to criticize that assassin for his horrible abilities.
1. He announced he was there. ASSASSIN'S NEVER ANNOUNCE THERE PRESENCE.
2. Standing on the chair? he is liable to fall and hurt himself.
3. Whats with the shitty outfit and crappy claws as weapons.
4. Your attacking the target when he is not alone or in the public eye. If you attack him with in the public eye the assassination makes a statement, if he's by himself the culprit will never be caught.
5. YOU ARE MOTHER FUCKING MUSCHIO AND YOU WILL KICK HIS ASS.
>>
No. 279049 ID: 70d9eb

>>He announced he was there. ASSASSIN'S NEVER ANNOUNCE THERE PRESENCE.
They never announce their presence to people they are trying to kill. They would, however, announce their presence to someone they were employed to.
>>
No. 279079 ID: 676156

>>279049
OH. OH FUCK.
>>
No. 279116 ID: c2b048

The purpose of our poison has been forgotten. Was it meant to subdue or to destroy? Should the former be true, then defile the intruder's blood with our toxin. If those thoughts prior ring true, then use of the latter would offer poor results.

Take arms against this creature and steal away it's freedom. But be weary, we feel familiar with it's wrath
>>
No. 279121 ID: d5c481

>>279049
Dammit! This makes too much sense!
>>
No. 279169 ID: f4e0e7

>>279049
FFFFFFF okay here's what to do. You are the dignified and powerful Master Muschio, dammit, so don't freak out. Be sure to casually confirm "is he one of yours?" before taking any of the above courses of action.
>>
No. 279201 ID: 159795

> Your angel of death awaits!

Certainly sounds like he's planning to kill him to me.

Just think about the setting for a minute, if you were an assassin's employer, he would go in through the door, say something more to the lines of "Patriarch, I have returned." and he wouldn't be brandishing his claws of doom.

And I'm not so sure about fighting this guy, he can kill people just by face-palming them.

STILL, if we can kill him now we can blame and/or kill the advisors and get him to take the fall.

Not only would this solve everything, we would be heroes.

I don't wanna take my chances, but more of us or if the boss wants to fight him then that would be okay too.

Eh, I still say you should try to provide a distraction and run, Boss.
>>
No. 279255 ID: 900557

Oh and order Finnie to get out of the room immediately or this might possibly end in a hostage situation.
>>
No. 279500 ID: 680b45

>>278666

Andrea?
>>
No. 279501 ID: d8bb7a

Ok, look. Just point at him, do a dramatic close-up, and say "YOU!"

He'll probably remember you.
>>
No. 282402 ID: 543aa6
File 129807516886.gif - (13.21KB , 800x600 , 1248.gif )
282402

I don't have any weapons! They were all confiscated when I came into the palace!

I grab Finesse and pull her back for her safety, and call for the guards loud enough that I'm sure they could hear.
The Patriarch doesn't retreat though. He produces a golden-handled khopesh and glares at his aggressor who stands perched strangely by the window.
>"Assassins have tried before, and failed! Live or die, I'll fight to the last!"
>>
No. 282403 ID: c71597

>>282402
Even your wristmounted crossbow thingy?
>>