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574310 No. 574310 ID: 337362

"As you know, today marks the fifth year anniversary of Truce-Tying Day. A very weighty occasion for everyone. The whole Human race, and our associates."

"Weighty. Yes. Very. Mister--"

"Carlson. Mr. Carlson. Relax. You're going to leave claw marks on my table."

"Sorry, Mr. Carlson."
Expand all images
>>
No. 574312 ID: 337362
File 140004776846.png - (8.25KB , 800x600 , 2.png )
574312

"You're wondering, aren't you, why I would be holding a job interview on a day like today. Why we scheduled it today and I couldn't just let you go get a-- what did you call it, again?"

"A bugzapper burger. Two bucks at Tesla's. They only sell them today."

"Bugzapper burger." Mr. Carlson sniffs. You're very hungry. You try not to slouch. "Oof. Tasteless."

"Yes, sir. Sorry. They're really very good."

"They're delicious," says the secretary at Carlson's arm. She flashes you a winning smile.

"I'm going to be upfront with you," says Mr. Carlson. "The Human Visitor Affairs Office doesn't usually hold interviews in such an informal capacity, because the Human Visitor Affairs Office has never had an opening quite like this one before. I trust, son, that you're still interested."

1]] Extremely interested, sir. Interdimensional affairs intrigue me.
2]] I'm not sure. Keep talking.
3]] Not exactly enthused about it, sir. You contacted me. Why is that?
>>
No. 574319 ID: eed0a7

"I'm not sure, I'm not even sure why I was called here yet. Please do keep explaining Mr. Carlson."
>>
No. 574320 ID: 9ddf68

2
>>
No. 574321 ID: c170fd

>>574312
2]] I'm not sure. Keep talking.
>>
No. 574323 ID: 337362
File 140005033193.png - (7.89KB , 800x600 , 2a.png )
574323

"I'm not even clear on what the job is at this point, Mr. Carlson."

"But you are unemployed, yes?" Mr. Carlson leans forward. "And your absence from Tesla's and presence in this room indicates we have a modicum of your interest."

"Sure."

"You can walk out of this room, right now, with a job that pays you nearly six figures annually, a downtown studio apartment in your pocket, extremely flexible hours, and all the benefits you could care to request," says Carlson. "A federal job strictly off of the federal radar. So no drug test. No further application process required. You say yes, and it is yours. This is what I am offering you. Do I have more than a modicum?"

"A lot more."

"Good," says Mr. Carlson. "Sign this NDA."

You sign the NDA.

"Now five years," says Mr. Carlson, passing the paper to his secretary. "That's a long time, but not so long as all that, is it? Not in post-war terms."

"No, Mr. Carlson," you say.

"And although we've welcomed our refugees, our Visitors, as we now call them, tensions remain very high. They look like us, most of them, but they are certainly not us. Are they?"

"No, sir."

"It's hard to be us when you have more arms than eyeballs, wouldn't you say. Have you ever found any of them attractive?"

"What?"

"You know. Cute."

"They're aliens, sir."

"Extradimensional beings. Not extraterrestrial." Carlson drums his fingers on the table, thoughtfully. "What if I told you this dream job I am pitching involved dating them?"

1]] I would laugh in your face, sir.
2]] Dating? That's all? Sign me up!
3]] *Stare with incomprehending silence*
>>
No. 574324 ID: c170fd

>>574323
3]] *Stare with incomprehending silence*
>>
No. 574325 ID: 57a559

Wait, will you be dating for or against your sexuality? If you have a strong preference that is.

3, I guess.
>>
No. 574328 ID: 337362
File 140005480308.png - (22.67KB , 1000x600 , 3.png )
574328

You stare at Mr. Carlson.

"If you don't close your mouth a fly's going to get inside," he says.

"You want me to date Visitors?"

"That's exactly what we want you to do. Four or five of them in a six month period, preferably."

"Girl ones?"

"Of course. You're a redblooded young man. Right? You're single. That wasn't a question. We know you're single."
"How do--"
"And here are four wonderful young women who have agreed to take part in this new program with you."

Carlson slides a glossy photo out from under his desk. "Group picture. See? You can go in whatever order you want, as long as you get all four. So to speak."

There are women of 4 different Visitor species in the photo, as well as a human silhouette, for size reference you guess.

Your choices are:

WARRIOR]] Big, red, four-armed soldier creatures. The first rangers who went through the portals to scout ran into a horde of them and were torn limb from limb. During the war they put on brass armor and charged through hails of bullets. They killed with their bare hands.
There's one on TV now who's a wrestler. He ties two arms behind his back. This one is at least a head taller than you; the males are even bigger.

FLOATER]] Half-cybernetic flying things. They had rocket launchers strapped to their backs and strafed armored columns way back when. Nowadays they fill in jobs where their natural hovering would be useful. Sometimes you read in the news about one who went into a no-fly zone and got zapped or collided with a plane.

OCULOT]] They have one eye and they can shoot fireballs from it. They were nightmares during the first few years of the war. A lot of the time they were squad leaders or whatever the Visitor equivalent of that is. Everyone's on edge around an Oculot, because if you piss them off they can fry your brains. This one looks pretty happy, though.

SKUT]] Speedy rodent-lizard hybrid critters. In the war they strapped bombs to their backs and ambushed fireteams. Anyone who the blast didn't get was splashed with their acidic blood. Skuts keep to themselves even more than most Visitors do, and people crack a lot of jokes at their expense, but they have horns and they can spit acid so it's not usually to their face. Not that they'd do anything if they heard you; most of them are very skittish and shy.

"You can turn around and leave," says Mr. Carlson. "But this is the only time you will ever be offered any opportunity like this, ever. If you take the job you start today. Truce-Tying Day."
>>
No. 574332 ID: 53ba34

warrior first. if we can do this despite the inherent intimidation factor. i think we can handle it.
>>
No. 574333 ID: 189a54

>>574328
You should probably start off with either the Warrior or the Skut. They seem like the ones that would make the biggest initial social splash when people saw you dating them.
>>
No. 574352 ID: ebc77d

>>574328
Warrior or Floater is best to begin with. We're going in this with all the hang ups of an average human bean and we should choose a species which is slightly more familiar to us
>>
No. 574361 ID: 5499c0

The Skut intrigues me, at least from a psychological perspective. Despite being stereotypically shy, they were also used as disposable suicide troopers during the war, which implies either vast incompetence, bravery, or fanaticism. This could be extremely important to understand in order to discover both why she volunteered for the program and what she's like as a person.
Of course, the Warrior and Oculot seem like they are perfect for stoking the fires of the world's latent xenophilia. The Oculot especially, as she at least looks the most open and friendly of the four and may be able and willing to tell us the most about Visitor culture and mannerism. The Warrior gal looks fucking confident as hell about this, though.
I can't get a read on the Floater girl. I propose sparing her our inexperience until we're ready to swim in the deep end of weird alien stuff.
>>
No. 574362 ID: e9e331

floater, sounds like the easiest or at least safest one to start with.
>>
No. 574364 ID: 9a281a

Ask the obvious question, first. Why are they willing to pay anyone six figures to date anyone? Why does he care who's single and who's not? What's the purpose my my dating visitors?

(Floater, when we pick).
>>
No. 574367 ID: c170fd

>>574328
We're gonna have to date all of them? Then our choice now should take into account others' reactions as well as the possibility of us getting killed by our date because of getting into a bad argument or making some really terrible faux pas.

People would be really weirded out by someone dating a Skut, since they're the most inhuman. The Oculot is the most dangerous. So I'd go with either the Warrior or the Floater.

On the other hand, if it's not easy to offend an Oculot, you should go with her. She's the most humanoid of all of them, so people wouldn't react as strongly.
>>
No. 574373 ID: 57a559

Warrior first

So... what exactly does dating entail? Like we talkin' 2 week period with each at least or making them happy or what? I mean, what is the goal here that makes it okay to go to the next? I imagine dating each one exactly once for each is unacceptable for the contract. Unless it happens to be acceptable. I'm not sure. I don't think we're supposed to get them to love us if we have to date a minimum of four.

Carlson mentioned 4 or 5 though, where's the fifth one if number five is possible?
>>
No. 574379 ID: 497ec2

I concur with the thought of beginning with a Warrior.
From there...I figure next would be Floater, then Oculot, then Skut to finish off.
>>
No. 574394 ID: 337362
File 140009781814.png - (7.39KB , 800x600 , 4.png )
574394

"Why are you paying me so much to date a Visitor?"

"We understand a great deal of Visitor culture on a theoretical level," says Carlson, "but most of what we know we know from the war. This is simply an experiment to get to know them in a different way. You'll report to us on what you know, of course, and what you learn, though we don't need to know all the details. We respect your privacy."

"But you know I'm single."

"We respect your privacy enough. Visitors have very similar courtship rituals to humans. It's one of the places we align most comfortably. And all of the species here can couple with us, at least on a mechanical level."

"Couple?"

"Mechanically speaking."

"You want me to have sex with them?"

"I already made it very clear we don't need to know all the details," Carlson snaps. "Just take a few months for each, get to know them, take them places, and do what you would naturally do on a date, except with the knowledge that said date has a lot of money behind it. And is very, very important for the cultivation of stronger ties at a time when God knows we could use them."

"So no pressure."

"No pressure." Carlson smiles. "You're going to be a very symbolic man, soon. There's only about two dozen people taking part in the program, and you're one of the first."

"When do I move from one girl to the next?"

"When you think it best," says Carlson. "They all know what's going on. Don't worry. They're onboard. Are you?"

You take a moment, studying the photo. "Yes. Ok. Let's do the warrior first."

"Excellent!" Carlson rummages around under his desk again. "I knew we had the right man for the job. Here"-- He pulls out a stub of paper-- "is her email account."

You read: SisterShiva@gmail.com.

"Fire off a message to her sometime tonight," says Carlson. "Arrange something. You know more about this sort of thing than an old bureaucrat would.
And just remember to have fun.
Or you're fired."
He laughs. You join in.
"Seriously," he says.
>>
No. 574395 ID: 337362
File 140009782552.png - (3.79KB , 800x600 , 5.png )
574395

And that is how you find yourself looking at the blinking cursor at the top of an email asking out a red warrior woman from another dimension.

How do you start this sucker?
>>
No. 574396 ID: 5499c0

Oh! I forgot to ask, but, how much trouble are we expecting?
I mean, we are basically publically shoving our dicks in the faces of every xenophobic, grudge-bearing, and spiteful group of human beings and possibly Visitors on the planet. Whether or not we're acting in the interest of our employer, we're going to be making enemies left and right. I presume the HVAO will deal with security concerns, but it is pretty goddamn important to know if we'll need to make any concessions to the safety of our dates and ourselves.
>>
No. 574399 ID: 5499c0

>>574395
Make it casual. Don't blow off what you're doing, but show you understand the professional and personal sides to this. Act like you know absolutely nothing about her, which shouldn't be hard. This is a blind date. No arm puns. Even though she's made a pretty good one, and the fact that she cares enough to know Earth mythology is a pretty good sign.
Anyway, just keep it cool and you'll be alright. She doesn't look terribly bothereed by all this business, so I hope she's as chill as she looks.
>>
No. 574401 ID: 53ba34

be sure to include that they showed you a picture and think she looks pretty good.
>>
No. 574406 ID: e9e331

so does this make us a whore or simply an "escort"? Just trying to figure that out so I now what to put on my resume.

but yeah for the email. Give her your name and see when she'd like to meet up.
>>
No. 574409 ID: 189a54

>>574394
Start off with your name and some compliment. Maybe stay away from mentioning her physical features at the moment, since we're not sure what body parts warriors are into, or what the desired sizes for those body parts are. Thanking her for wanting to take part in this would be nice. After that describe yourself a bit, no need to go overboard but she deserves to at least slightly know what her new date looks like. If you mention your job, don't make it sound like the only reason you're doing this is to be paid--that would make you seem like a bit of a prick.

As for where you should take her, from her email address she seems to have some knowledge or interest in human mythology. Maybe invite her to hang out at the library and then go to dinner, or something like that.
>>
No. 574460 ID: 497ec2

*nods* I feel like a good place to start would be that email address of hers and talking about the mythology behind that particular goddess.
a BAD place to start would probably be competitive physical activities- that would end predictably and not in our favor, unless she was the type to appreciate someone who wouldn't back down from a challange.
>>
No. 574479 ID: 2bfcdf

I think you should keep it short. Tell her you've been given her email by a mutual friend and you'd like to meet up somewhere for lunch and conversation.
>>
No. 574480 ID: 0835d4

>>574395
If this is anything like human courtship, you should just send a dick pick.

Or a casual email, whatever. Greet her, tell her your name and a little about yourself. From what Mr. Carlson explained she knows the score.
>>
No. 574494 ID: 337362
File 140013066776.png - (9.34KB , 800x600 , 6.png )
574494

>Hi! Got your email from our mutual friend. Really cool that you want to take part in the program.
>Nice username, by the way!
You wikipedia Shiva really quick.
>Are you at all interested in Hinduism, etc? Apparently this thing is a cultural exchange program. We could talk about it.
>Want to do lunch sometime in the next few days?
You hesitate. This look okay. You barely know her, after all.

You need to sign your name. What is that, again?
>>
No. 574496 ID: a36601

Wade sounds pretty good. Or Wayne. Kinda in the mood for W's.
>>
No. 574504 ID: 9ddf68

Zack
>>
No. 574511 ID: 9ccb59

Thaddeus.
>>
No. 574512 ID: 337362
File 140013611031.png - (8.91KB , 800x600 , 7.png )
574512

You sign it "Zack" and send it off.

First work-related email. Not what you were expecting.

You surf aimlessly for a while, trying to distract yourself from the little mail icon in the upper right corner of your screen.

On facebook everyone's posting Happy Truce-Tying Day statuses. An Oculot in Lisbon converted to Catholicism. It's trending.

After 23 minutes you get a message from ShivaSister@gmail.com.

:warrior:
hi zack!!!!!
i'm GG. DEAD excited to be seeing you soon. the url? lmao it's just an arm joke i'm not really interested in Shiva or anything too much. Sorry to disappoint you :/

lunch! yes! i am thinking Luco's near Penn or i am thinking maybe if you like big trucks the M-M-MONSTER JAM (emphasis mine) is Sunday. o but maybe Luco's will be quieter if you want to talk about cultural stuff. you're the expert ;)

btw i saw your pic. nice legs!! <-- this is human flirting

>>
No. 574514 ID: ba8629

I vote M-M-MONSTER JAM. Have a good time and have a good excuse not to have anything clever to say.

So if that's human flirting, what's warrior flirting like? Should you kill anything with a knife between now and then?
>>
No. 574520 ID: 08ce67

>>574512
Go for the monster truck rally, then have dinner afterwards at a decent restaurant, meaning not McDonald's or any fast food place. Maybe a BBQ restaurant?
>>
No. 574522 ID: 2bfcdf

Hoo boy I think you two will be having a lot of cultural misunderstandings, but maybe you should save that sort of talk for the date. You could ask about Warrior standards of attractiveness and explain about Human standards.

Oh, but do complement her hair in the response.
>>
No. 574523 ID: 53ba34

yeah, monster jam sounds fine. want to get to know her personally before we get all professional about it.
>>
No. 574524 ID: 189a54

>>574512
Perhaps you could ask her to an evening show at the M-M-MONSTER JAM, followed by a quieter time at Luco's afterward.
>>
No. 574531 ID: cad45e

Shit son, who doesn't love some sunday night MONSTER JAM.

That and we probably wanna do what she wants, get a good time/impression?
>>
No. 574547 ID: e9e331

first date being about watching a big ass truck smashing a bunch of cars... This is start to look pretty good actually. Why not it would be fun.

I also get the feeling that she is just as lost as you are in this hole dating thing so expect many awkward moments.
>>
No. 574551 ID: 0ee153

>>574547
Yeah, I doubt either of you have any idea of where to go from here. Just do what she enjoys. Monster Jam is good. Compliment her hair and hope it doesn't turn out to be some obscure insult somehow.
>>
No. 574591 ID: 337362
File 140018473241.png - (34.41KB , 800x600 , 8.png )
574591

>M-M-MONSTER JAM sounds great. Maybe we can go to Luco's after.
>Thanks for the complement! I like your hair. It is good to human flirt.
>What's Warrior flirting like, anyway? Should I stab anything between now and then?

You wait a couple of minutes to not seem too eager then send.
After a few minutes you get a response:

:warrior: MONSTER JAM MONSTER JAM

hahahaha no killing will be necessary. if any of my family members had a blood feud going on or had been killed by a Megabeast and you brought us their head maybe we'd reward you with my hand in marriage ;*
but unfortunately for you i don't think we've have any of those going in a decade or two. Boring, i know.

thank you for the human flirting. i will see you on sunday and just for u i won't get that macklemore fade i have been thinking of getting.

-GG


You check yourself in the mirror.
You're not half bad.
Your assets include a body, a charming personality, confidence, and a sense of humor.

Thought exercise: rank them 1 to 4.
>>
No. 574599 ID: fe4bfc

Confidence is number 1 obviously. Otherwise we would not be here.

As for the rest math is hard and I am to lazy to continue typing.
>>
No. 574604 ID: 9ddf68

body - 2

charm- 3
it's why we were hired

confidence - 1

sense of humor - 2

did I do this right?
>>
No. 574606 ID: 53ba34

i think it depends if high is good or low is good.

but yeah i say confidence is best. charm second, body third and humor last.

not the funniest guy but we carry ourself well.
>>
No. 574608 ID: b8ceae

>>574604
Charm 4
Confidence 3
Body 2
Sense of Humor 1
>>
No. 574609 ID: 9ddf68

>>574606
ah then i change this >>574604 to
charm at the top
humor is second
body is third
and confidence is last.

Hey if we're charming they're has to be a reason why we're single.
>>
No. 574610 ID: 189a54

>>574591
1. Confidence
2. Charm
3. Body
4. Humor

You may not be the best at making jokes, but you've got the charisma and confidence to make even the worst puns seem funny.
>>
No. 574611 ID: 7ee590

>>574591
i'd rank them all first place.
>>
No. 574614 ID: 0ee153

Confidence- most
humor- second most
body- second least
charm- least

It's easy to become charming, see Story Seeker, and easy to get swole. At least, it's easy for us to make you do the work and become traditionally charming and fit. Less so for the other two. Plus the usual idea of charming guy might not translate well to other species.
>>
No. 574615 ID: 0ee153

>>574614
Actually, swap body and charm.
>>
No. 574622 ID: ebc77d

>>574591
1 Confidence
2 Sense of Humor
3 Body
4 Charm
>>
No. 574651 ID: 337362
File 140022327478.png - (8.10KB , 800x600 , 9.png )
574651

You're confident. Shit most people wouldn't dare to say or do comes easy to you. You can get away with it, too; there's a kind of charm you give off that makes it hard to get too pissed at you.
You've got an okay sense of humor, though you like appreciating jokes more than you like thinking them up.
Your body? It's okay. You're pretty strong and relatively fit for your age, but you're not a gym rat or anything. You run so you're a little on the skinny side. Sometimes you look in the mirror and wish maybe your arms were a little bigger, and you had more of a six pack, but nobody's complained and it's not like you have a gut on you either.
You clean up pretty good, all told.

Sunday rolls around. You borrow Alan's car ("Don't have weird interdimensional hanky-panky in it," he says, "and buy me gas and a 12-pack while you're out.") and GPS your way to the Monster Jam. You get there early enough that everyone's tailgating and milling around the parking lot, getting well tanked before the trucks show up.

Your phone buzzes.

ShivaSister is messaging you.

:warrior: im heeere!
:warrior: where u at? i brought brewskis

You look around the parking lot, climbing onto a curb to see over people.

GG is not that hard to spot. One she's taller than basically every human being at the arena, and two she is being given a wide berth by everyone else. She seems oblivious to the stares, focusing on her phone. A lady's taking a video of her.

How to introduce yourself?
>>
No. 574655 ID: 189a54

>>574651
There's nothing you can do to avoid the attention you're about to get, so the best thing to do is just get on with it calmly. Just walk up with a wave and a smile and introduce yourself. Oh, and ask for one of those beers. The only thing that could make some time at the M-M-MONSTER JAM more hardcore is a little alcohol.
>>
No. 574656 ID: ba8629

CONFIDENTLY.

Just walk up like "Hey, I'm Zack. Looking good."
>>
No. 574657 ID: 55c4cf

Just step up with a big smile and say, "The video you are making is missing something important: Me."

I also recommend, "You appear to be a female. I like that."
>>
No. 574660 ID: 337362
File 140022915398.png - (15.80KB , 800x600 , 10.png )
574660

You wave your hand over the camera of the lady taking the video.
"You think that's weird?" you say. "Check this out."

You walk over to the Warrior. There is a cloud of amber-y perfume around her. Very strong. Very vanilla.

"Hey," you say. "I'm Zack. GG, right?"

"Zaaack!" Her voice has a bit of a lilt to it. There's a trace of a zh sound at the beginning of your name. "Hey!"


"Looking good, GG," you say, and you have to admit she is. She's got a beer in one hand, a glowing cigarette in another, her phone in another, and a bag in another.

That's a lot of hands.

GG beams. "Thanks, stud. You're taller than I thought you'd be."

"You mentioned brewskis?" you ask.

She stows her phone and takes a sip. "You like PBR?"

"Sure."

"Good, because it's all I have." She turns to a dinged-up red pickup behind her and opens a cooler in back. "Maybe you can teach me about good Earth beer."

"Oh my God," whispers a woman, loud enough to be audible probably on purpose.

Choose all that apply
1]] PBR's not bad. You're learning quick.
2]] You don't drink good beer at a Monster Jam. You drink cheap beer. This is perfect.
3]] Maybe in return you could tell me about Warrior drinks.
4]] Human dating tip: That perfume's a little strong and fancy for a monster truck rally.
5]] Got a spare cigarette, too?
6]] Flip off the "Oh my God" lady
>>
No. 574661 ID: 55c4cf

3 & 6
>>
No. 574662 ID: 2bfcdf

>>574660
2]] You don't drink good beer at a Monster Jam. You drink cheap beer. This is perfect.
3]] Maybe in return you could tell me about Warrior drinks.
4]] Human dating tip: That perfume's a little strong and fancy for a monster truck rally.

Woo, multiple options!
>>
No. 574663 ID: 53ba34

>>574662
yeah sounds good. maybe mention that the open air will disperse it mostly. and not to feel bad about doing it. learning these things is partly why she is here.
>>
No. 574665 ID: ba8629

2]]
3]]
7]]Yuengling or Sam Adams. Steel Reserve if you want to get drunker faster and cheaper.
>>
No. 574671 ID: 189a54

>>574660
2,3,4 and 6. A little extra emphasis on 6.
>>
No. 574677 ID: a36601

>>574671
Bingo.
>>
No. 574689 ID: 9ddf68

>>574671
sounds good
>>
No. 574690 ID: 2f4b71

Mix 1, 2 and 6. Protest to Gawking Lady that PBR is perfect for Monster Jam. The nice stuff gets saved for barbecues and such.
>>
No. 574691 ID: 0ee153

>>574671
Fourthing this.
>>
No. 574692 ID: 0ee153

Although you should probably ask if that's perfume or not first. Like, ask her where she got it or something, it'd suck if it turns out that's normal for a Warrior.
>>
No. 574738 ID: 337362
File 140028021155.png - (0B , 800x600 )
574738

You flip off the Oh my God lady. She looks around with a gapemouth can-you-believe-this-guy kind of expression, but it doesn't look like very many people are paying attention to her, so she leaves.

"What, lady, you got a problem with PBR?" you call after her. GG is laughing.

"You don't drink good beer at a monster jam," you say. "You drink cheap beer. This is perfect."
"You like it?"
"Sure. My dad would yell at you for not getting Yuengling, though."
"What's Yuengling?"
"Dad beer. Obama liked it. What do Warriors drink, usually?"
"We don't actually have fermented stuff like this. That's all humans."
"You like?"
"I love," says GG. "The closest thing Warriors have is it's this thing where you drain the blood from prey and there's this leaf you crush in it called a hjak and it gets you just really really high."
"Sounds fun."
"It's a ceremonial thing. Like a warrior bat-mitzvah thing. Getting drunk is better."

As you walk toward the arena, the cooler under one of GG's arms, you say: "Is that your perfume?"
"It is," she says. "Do you like it?"
"Yeah, but it's a little, uh, strong for a monster jam."
"Oh, shit,," GG says. "I just went into the store and said give me the most girly thing you have. I thought it would make me less intimidating."

1]] It does, but maybe less of it.
2]] You don't intimidate me.
3]] I don't mind intimidating.
4]] You're a big red 4-armed alien warrior. Embrace it.
>>
No. 574740 ID: 53ba34

2 and 1. she doesn't really feel intimidating to you. and for 1 include that there is still a thing known as going too far the other way, just a little to say "yes i am a girl" without trying to completely cover up the other aspects of herself.
>>
No. 574741 ID: 57a559

3]I don't mind intimidating

We're at a monster truck rally after all. You need to be intimidating at one, or else drunk rednecks might try and fuck your shit up. Granted that might make you a bigger target too. PBR starts up fights like a motherfucker. Everyone's a target to a fellow PBR drinker.

Just don't get too drunk you don't know to hold back, miss. You blow up one redneck with a power punch and we're both fucked to high heaven. Just do some soft tosses or something and yells. Hang them up on lamp posts. Some people miiiight actually think to bring guns too here, so be prepared to bend shotguns, if you can do that. Not to make you paranoid. Just lots of rednecks here, probably. It's a risk that all normal Monster Truck loving humans have to deal with coming here as well, but we've decided it's been worth it for years.
>>
No. 574745 ID: 9a281a

Just laugh it off. It's not a big deal.
>>
No. 574750 ID: cad45e

1,2 and that we're at a place where there is a constant supply of sweaty redneck smell, beer stink and gas exhaust. I really don't think someone smelling good is actually gonna be noticed.

And besides, wouldn't pick her for a date if i was scared of her right, shit we got this right?
>>
No. 574753 ID: ba8629

1]]

Tell her there was some famous human warrior who said "Quantity has a quality all of its own."

Or maybe it was just the internet that said that.
>>
No. 574754 ID: 0ee153

>>574750
Pretty much this. Also, ask about where she learned about bat mitzvahs and if there's any place you can learn about similar stuff about Warriors.
>>
No. 574772 ID: 337362
File 140029209166.png - (35.13KB , 800x600 , 11.png )
574772

"You don't intimidate me," you say.
"I don't?" GG raises an eyebrow. "Because I could snap you in half."
"You won't, though. You might scare the rednecks. They aren't used to girls who smell good."
"What's a redneck? I have a red neck."
"It means, like, hillbilly."
"What's a hillbilly?"
"Hick?"
"Oh! I know what those are," she says. "Sorry about the perfume, rednecks. Sorry, Z."
"It's no big deal. It's about to get crazy smelly in a second anyway."

"What do you-- oooh," says GG.
"I know," you say. "Like an RV grew armpits."

"No, check it out!" GG rushes out of the stadium interior to the guardrail, pushing past a pissed-looking dude in a wifebeater. "The arena."
You follow her out, looking out at the crowd while you go. There's more than a thousand people here; you can probably count individually how many Visitors are here, and they're most all of them grouped together up in the nosebleeds.

You join her at the balcony. "Have you been here before?"
"No. Have you?"
"Never. This is a new experience for both of us."
"So they're going to smash the shit out of those, right?" She points down at the half-wrecked lines of cars stacked on the dirt.
"Live and in pay-per-view," you say, scanning the stands. You and GG are continuously given a wide berth. She barely notices.

1]] The groupon was for two GA tickets, so just sit wherever.
2]] There's about a dozen Warriors up near the back. GG will probably be more comfortable there.
3]] The groupon was for two GA tickets, but lookee there: a bunch of VIP seats right there near the front row nobody bought.
>>
No. 574773 ID: 53ba34

hmmm... while it may make her comfortable they would probably get into a warrior thing and you will probably miss half of what she is saying.

the front would bring a lot of attention, and questions.

middle somewhere would be the best. so

A
>>
No. 574774 ID: b9c596

3. Because why the hell not.
>>
No. 574776 ID: 0ee153

>>574773
Yeah, 1 works. If that doesn't work for whatever reason I suggest L.
>>
No. 574777 ID: 9a281a

3. Like anyone will dare to bother you when you're sitting with her, anyways. And if they actually have the balls to send you the bill, later, your new salary will more than cover it.
>>
No. 574781 ID: e22313

Go with 1. No sense drawing too much unwanted hostility towards us. We're here to enjoy the show, not get in a fight.
>>
No. 574784 ID: ebc77d

>>574772
Go with 1
No point risking anything for the VIP tickets and if GG wanted to be with other Warriors she wouldn't be here, would she.
>>
No. 574792 ID: 189a54

>>574772
1 or 3. Either way, the way things have been going people will give you some space, so it won't be too difficult to get a nice seat.

Also YEAHHHHH MONSTER TRUCKS LET'S DO THIS
>>
No. 574794 ID: 337362
File 140031502153.png - (8.37KB , 800x600 , 12.png )
574794

"OK, it's General Admission tickets so we can go anywhere that isn't the front 5 or 6 rows," you say. "What abooout.... there?"
You point to a place near the middle of the arena. "Good view."

"Nope," says GG. She points up toward right above where the trucks come out. "I want to singe an eyebrow on the pyrotechnics."

"I didn't think Warriors had eyebrows."

"Over there," she says. You catch her giving you a funny looking glance.

1]] OK, pyrotechnics it is.
2]] Trust me. This is a better view.
3]] Is this some kind of Warrior dating code thing, GG?
>>
No. 574795 ID: 57a559

1
Let the lady have her pyro show
Hard to have a bad view with Monster Trucks, you know?
>>
No. 574796 ID: 189a54

>>574794
Look toward the seats she's pointing out, see what types of people are sitting over there. After that go ahead with 1 and maybe add 3 depending on who's near those seats.

PYROTECHNICS AND MONSTER TRUCKS I LOVE THIS
>>
No. 574803 ID: 2bfcdf

I think this is a Warrior thing. Maybe it's a competition to see who leads.

2.

Maybe 3, but I think that would spoil the game.
>>
No. 574834 ID: 0ee153

Look at who's sitting over there. Say that you'd prefer 2 and ask 3.
>>
No. 574837 ID: 9a281a

Hey, if she wants pyrotechnics, she can have pyrotechnics.
>>
No. 574882 ID: 337362
File 140039929567.png - (9.57KB , 800x600 , 12a.png )
574882

"Pyrotechnics is fine," you say.

"Killer," says GG, grabbing you by the hand. She drags you (ow) to the seats she pointed out and pushes you into one, then falls back into the one next to you. The rivets on it groan a little.

"WOO" she goes. "MON-STER-JAM MON-STER-JAM Z where are the cars?"

You check your phone for the time. "It's 7:55 and the show starts at 8. We have a few minutes."

"Boring," says GG. "Oh. Not that you're boring, or anything. I mean geez! We haven't even gotten a chance to talk to each other, have we?" She pivots in her seat to face you. "Tellllll me three fun facts. About you."

>Come up with whatever you want. Flesh yourself out a little.
>>
No. 574893 ID: cad45e

Well i'm pretty rad at making sandwiches, like, really awesome sandwiches apparently.

I've got prizes for those sandwiches, i'll show you them sometimes if you want to.
>>
No. 574903 ID: 53ba34

you went skydiving once. was pretty fun.
>>
No. 574904 ID: 189a54

>>574882
I might not look like it, but I'm actually an expert at parkour. Up in Maryland people know me as The Guru for this one time I vaulted over a priest.
>>
No. 574915 ID: fdaa1c

I can't set foot in Utah. The Mormons still haven't forgiven me for the incident with Mitt Romney.
>>
No. 574921 ID: e1609c

>>574893
>>574904
and >>574915
seem about the best options here
>>
No. 574963 ID: 337362
File 140045832586.png - (30.67KB , 800x600 , 13.png )
574963

"One is I am supremely good at making sandwiches."
"Oh?"
"This is not a boast. It is a plain fact. I worked at Subway for a few summers, and if you work there they call you a Sandwich Artist. Not everyone deserves that title."
"But you do?"
"Girl I have won competitions with my sandwiches. I have a plaque. I'll show you sometime. Two is I went skydiving once, and it was pretty cool."
"What is skydiving? Is it what I think it is?"
"It's you jump out of a plane."
"What. Yes. Can we do that?"
"Sure."
"Humans are crazy," says GG.
"Three is I am a persona non grata in Salt Lake City, Utah."
"Why?"
"When I was younger and dumber and I lived in Utah, me and some friends would take these parkour videos and post them online. We actually got pretty good. We were like, local celebrities."
"I wanna see those!"
"We had to take them down. I got tanked, vaulted a mormon priest and kicked him in the head."
"No. Really?"
"And to this day I am known in Salt Lake as The Holy Diver."
"That's amazing," GG leans forward. "Can I- OMYGOD"

The pyrotechnics go off and Pantera fills the air.
The Raging Buffalo, pride and joy of the Georgia Dome circuit, thunders through the mouth of the arena and ramps off an immediately pulverized car.
GG goes "AAAAAAAA"


After a blissful half-hour of crunching metal and roaring engines, GG turns from the destruction and says: "ZACK"
"WHAT?" you ask, over the speed metal piping through the arena.
"ARE THERE CONCESSIONS?"
"WHAT?"
"FOOD?"
"OH YEAH BACK INSIDE THE STADIUM"
"I'M HUNGRY ARE YOU HUNGRY?"

1]] SURE LET'S GO GET A HOT DOG OR SOMETHING
2]] I'M GOOD YOU CAN GO, THOUGH
3]] STAY HERE I'LL GO GET YOU A THING
4]] IF I GIVE YOU TEN BUCKS WILL YOU GET ME A CORN DOG?
>>
No. 574966 ID: e1609c

>>574963
>>574963
1 seems to be the more neutral option here, might be best.
>>
No. 574967 ID: cad45e

2 cause we're a gentleman sandwich making, skydiving utah board legend. Besides she hasn't had all her life to see this kind of stuff, let her.
>>
No. 574968 ID: cad45e

>>574967
whoops, butterfingers.

I meant 3.
>>
No. 574970 ID: 9a281a

1. Sure, let's go get something.
>>
No. 574971 ID: 497ec2

I think I like 3 the best. Sure she's the Warrior, but we can be the Gentleman!
>>
No. 574985 ID: 189a54

>>574963
3, no need to pull her from the M-M-M-MONSTROUS MAYHEM.
>>
No. 574989 ID: 53ba34

3, and if she asks, it is a human dating thing.
>>
No. 574998 ID: dcd676

>>574985
This, yeah
>>
No. 575018 ID: 0ee153

>>574985
Yup.
>>
No. 575020 ID: 0835d4

>>574963
3, so you don't lose your seats. Plus she's never been to an event like this. Might as well let her enjoy the full scope of car on car action.
>>
No. 575022 ID: 337362
File 140052486136.png - (10.31KB , 800x600 , 13a.png )
575022

"STAY HERE I'LL GO GET YOU A THING" you say.

"O THANKS" GG reaches into her bag. "LET ME GIVE YOU MONEY"

"NO NEED" you say. "THE GOVERNMENT WILL PAY FOR IT"
She laughs but you can't hear it over Iron Maiden's "Run to the Hills".

"Hi," you say to the guy at the concession stand.
"Hello." He is leaning on the counter. The show booms through the concrete walls behind you. Nobody else is in line. "You are man with red girlfriend, yes?"
"Kind of. She's not really my girlfriend."
"She has many arms. But big boob. So this is ok."
"That's a refreshingly integrationist attitude," you say.
He shrugs. "Is ok."

You squint at the menu.
1]] Get GG the "Red White and Bleu Cheese Bacon Buchanan Burger"
2]] Get GG the "Constitutional Chilidog Freedomfurter"
3]] Get GG the "Tangy Tallahassee Tender n Biscuit Tasty Big Basket"
4]] Get GG the "Americrunch Nitro Nachos"
5]] Get GG the "Salad"
>>
No. 575023 ID: a36601

Get GG either the burger or the chilidog and some nachos for you both to share. (plus whatever else you want for you)
>>
No. 575026 ID: e1609c

>>575023
Seconding.
>>
No. 575031 ID: 57a559

>>575022
Use your sandwich skill to divine the best option from the menu.
Nachos and Burger are probably best bet.
>>
No. 575036 ID: 31f165

It's probably a bad idea, but I'm genuinely curious what the heck they even mean in a place like this by 'salad.'
You probably want the nachos and the basket though, simply because they're easy to eat some of without committing to more than a bite if it turns out she can't handle or doesn't like one or the other.
>>
No. 575054 ID: ebc77d

>>575022
Buy the "Tangy Tallahassee Tender n Biscuit Tasty Big Basket" and "Americrunch Nitro Nachos". That way you can share with each other.
>>
No. 575055 ID: 337362
File 140054816981.png - (11.23KB , 800x600 , 14.png )
575055

Red White and Bleu Cheese Bacon Buchanan Burger and Americrunch Nitro Nachos in hand, you return to the stands.

Shit.

GG is standing in the aisle, trying to get back to her seat. There's a guy in the way.

"You like humans, right?" he says. "Why don't you like me?"

"Get out of my way," says GG.

"I hear that back in hell y'all wander around shirtless all the time. Why ain't you shirtless?"

"I'm going to count backwards from ten," says GG.
>>
No. 575056 ID: 2bfcdf

Walk up and stuff a nacho in his mouth.
>>
No. 575057 ID: 53ba34

"so do you have a mother or are you a puddle of slime mimicking a human?"
>>
No. 575058 ID: 7ab2db

As tempting as it is to just sit back and munch nachos while we enjoy the show, it's best just to defuse the situation, either by reminding both parties that a fight will get them kicked out, or by getting the hick kicked out somehow (I don't suppose disorderly conduct is enough for a booting here?).
>>
No. 575060 ID: 189a54

>>575055
Walk up and try to get between the two before something violent happens and our HARDCORE NIGHT OF EXTREEEEEEMES gets cut short by getting kicked out or arrested. Ask what's going on, and be firm about it. Don't seem like you're too eager to fight, but keep in mind that this guy is harassing your date.
>>
No. 575061 ID: e1609c

>>575055
"Hello, I'm her government-mandated date. Move along now, please, or I'll call in the sniper squad sitting there in the deluxe seats."
If you have one, flash your badge.
>>
No. 575062 ID: 57a559

>>575055
"Are you a fucking dumbass? Christ, they really do breed you truck hat hicks inbred. Do you personally intend on being wheelchair bound for the rest of your life. Have some goddamn sense of self-preservation and enjoy the show, or go participate in the Darwin awards somewhere else. Maybe just walk out in the center of the arena and give the audience a good show."
>>
No. 575063 ID: 2bfcdf

>>575056
Oh, and pair it with "Here have something else in your mouth other than your foot."
>>
No. 575064 ID: 0ee153

>>575062
Sounds a bit too confrontational. We want to avoid a fight, right?

Point out that she could rip off his dick and shove it down his throat if he keeps annoying her and tell him to do something safer like wrestling one of the monster trucks.
>>
No. 575080 ID: e22313

Do not let her beat the shit out of this guy.
As the non-minority here, it's your job to tell off the asshole so she doesn't catch flak from the mostly-human crowd.

Also, don't bring up your government backing.
Something tells me she won't be too big on you relying on them instead of throwing your own weight around.
>>
No. 575084 ID: 337362
File 140056259730.png - (10.74KB , 800x600 , 15.png )
575084

"Oh, shit," you say, descending the steps and eating a nacho. "Am I going to have the opportunity to see darwinism in action?"

GG and the redneck turn to you.

"You could save my date the effort and go wrestle one of the trucks instead," you say.

"You the pretty boy taking out Clifford the big red dog?" he asks.

"You bring up dogs. This reminds me of when you see a chihuahua barking at a bull mastiff," you say. "You want a nacho or is there no room for it with all the foot in your mouth?"
"Your mouth full of demon titty," says Redneck.
"Cute." You eat another nacho. "Were you naturally formed by like swamp gas or did your mom drive you here?"

"Jason?" calls the redneck's girlfriend, from up further in the stands.

"Oh," you say. "There she is."

You have transferred his attention from GG directly to you.
His knuckles are white and shaky.
His breath smells like whiskey.

"Show some basic self-preservation," you say, "and let's just enjoy the show."

"Imma take a break from the show," says Jason, "and we're gonna go on outside for a hot minute or two."
"Yes we are," says GG, stepping in front of you.

1]] I think he was talking to me, GG.
2]] You heard the lady, Jason. Godspeed.
3]] Everyone calm down.
4]] Appeal to the girlfriend.
5]] Appeal to security.
6]] Appeal to the crowd.
7]] Hit Jason.
>>
No. 575085 ID: 9a281a

Go with 1.

He's drunk, and we're a sandwich parkour master. It really shouldn't take too much to trip this guy up without actually hurting him, or getting our face pounded in. Go for the disable. If we let red handle it, we'll have a much messier incident.
>>
No. 575088 ID: 2bfcdf

>>575084
Body's not a high perk. Option 7 is right out. So is 1, really. I don't want to be responsible for this guy's death or otherwise cause an incident on Truth Tying Day, so option 2 is out.

I wanna go with
4]] Appeal to the girlfriend.
5]] Appeal to security.
6]] Appeal to the crowd.
ANY of these. Maybe all of them, but 4 or 6 seem especially good. With our perks being in Confidence and Charm, we could do well with 6 or 4. 5 seems like it would be a good option regardless of perks, but there might not be any security nearby and it seems like a sign of weakness to just run to security.

I prefer 4, because the crowd might not be paying attention or might not agree with us. But if the crowd is on our side, hoo boy that would be the MOST AWESOME choice.
>>
No. 575090 ID: 57a559

>>575084
3
4
GG, we're gonna miss part of the show. The funnest part is over with him. He's just a punk.
Lady, can you put a leash on Jason please. He's hardly housebroken and prone to barking, we'll have to call animal control soon.
>>
No. 575091 ID: 0ee153

Tell GG he's not worth missing the show over. 3 and 4.

Plus we're probably not physically capable of kicking his ass, we dumped body. Might want to ask GG how warriors work out later and start training with her if she likes the idea.
>>
No. 575092 ID: 337362
File 140056716919.png - (10.67KB , 800x600 , 16.png )
575092

You look up at the girlfriend. "Excuse me, lady listen, can you put a leash on this guy when you take him in public?"

She looks a little pissed, but you smile a hopeful, charming smile, and she gets out of her seat.
"Jason, come on," she says, grabbing his hand and pulling him away. "They ain't worth it."

"Traitor," says Jason. "Fucking dirty traitor."

"Have fun reliving the evening in the portapotties," you say.

"My cousin killed by one of you," says Jason to GG. "He was eighteen years old and one of them twist his head off like a ripe apple from a stem. I was right behind him. His head turn all around and his face staring at me and then it jest lifted right off his shoulders."

You don't have a witty response ready for that one.

"You think you a person going to our rally talking our language." Jason is tearing up. "Pretty boy don't know but I seen what you are."

Jason's woman finally drags him inside.

"Huh." GG scratches her arm. "Good riddance."

1]] What an asshole. Let's watch monster trucks.
2]] Sorry I got in the way. You could have taken him easy.
3]] Are you ok?
4]] I have a Red White and Bleu Cheese Bacon Buchanan Burger with your name on it.
>>
No. 575094 ID: 2bfcdf

>>575092
Hmm. I want to see what her take on the whole violence thing is, honestly.

2.
>>
No. 575095 ID: 2be169

>>575092
3 then 4
He was drunk, but let's be realistic. This kind of thing is gonna happen. So let's try to enjoy what we can ok.
>>
No. 575097 ID: 0ee153

>>575095
Sounds good.
>>
No. 575099 ID: 57a559

4
>>
No. 575117 ID: e22313

1 and 4. Take her mind off the unpleasantries so we can get back to having a good time.
>>
No. 575179 ID: 186341
File 140065301949.png - (11.31KB , 800x600 , 17.png )
575179

"What an asshole," you say.
"Hum." GG rolls her shoulder. You can't help but notice that she's grinning. "A Warrior would call a guy like that a Mute Button. Loud talk but they only take one little push." She slides out of the aisle to her seat. You join her.
"I guess it's good you showed up when you did," she says. "But I want to punch something now. Or eat something."
"I have a Red White and Bleu Cheese Bacon Buchanan Burger with your name on it."

"Oh, sick," says GG, and takes a monster bite. "Mmm. Whut bout thofe chipf?"
"Open season."
"Thankf, Z!"

You take another nacho and watch GG nosh. She seems entirely unaffected by what has just happened.

"Hey," you say. "Are you ok?"
"Hmmm?" GG licks some ketchup off her lip. "Yeah, why?"

"That got pretty intense back there."

"Oh." She swallows. "Yeah but don't worry. He didn't hit me or anything before you showed up. Just got in my face."
"Just the way he was talking, though."

"Oh. The you're-a-monster thing?" She shrugs. It's a complicated gesture for her. "Actually, I kind of liked it."
"You liked it?"
"Yeah! It's nice to be reminded how big and scary you are sometimes."
"It didn't bother you that he was calling you a demon? And the cousin?"
"Why should it?" She curls her bicep a little. "We were at war for like five years. Killing each other is what everyone did. He's just admitting my kind was real good at it."
"That's an interesting perspective."
"Do I sound bloodthirsty? I'm sorry," says GG. "But, like, How do I explain this? Warrior. That's English for soldier sort of, right?"
"Right."
"Well there's a reason my entire race decided that's what we want to be called," she says. "In Visitor language the word for us is" and here her voice turns into a throaty snarl for a second "Garakton. And the word for soldier is Garak-ka which means 'One who is like a Garakton'. So when guys like Jason come and they say 'You are a big monster! Your people killed so many of mine!' a warrior doesn't necessarily feel ashamed or embarrassed. We feel, uh, good. Does that make sense?"


1]] Yes.
2]] No.
3]] Not really, but don't worry about it. I'm human. We think different.
>>
No. 575180 ID: a8af63

>>575179
Yes. Kinda. Like the Gurkhas, Maori or the Iban people. Those guys used to shrink the heads of enemies the killed in battle.
>>
No. 575181 ID: 2bfcdf

>>575179
Well, 1)) Yes.
I understand what she's saying and her perspective. She takes pride in being strong, and in how her race was really good at killing people during the war. I mean, it's a war, that's what they're supposed to do. Humans can feel pride about their soldiers being effective too. But... wasn't the guy accusing her of being evil? Bloodthirsty and brutal?
>>
No. 575182 ID: 53ba34

makes sense enough.
only hitch is that while respect is well and good, FEAR needs to be dialed down, our races are on the same side now, and being afraid to talk to someone because their grandfather ripped the head off of your grandfather's friend makes it difficult to integrate.
>>
No. 575185 ID: 186341
File 140065654837.png - (13.23KB , 800x600 , 18.png )
575185

"That makes sense," you say. "Sort of like the Maori or the Gurkhas."
"What are those?"
"Old warrior cultures in Human history," you say. "Lowercase w-warrior."
"You guys had that?"
"Yeah. They used to shrink the heads of their enemies."
"Shrink the heads?"
"In like brine or something. Yeah."
"Sick," says GG. "I want to know more about them."
"The only problem is fear," you say. "Wasn't that guy calling you bloodthirsty and evil?"
GG takes another bite. "I gueff. Waf that becauf he waf afraid of me, probably?"
"Probably. Our races are on the same side now, and being afraid to talk to someone because their grandfather ripped the head off of your grandfather's friend makes it difficult to integrate."
"See you're right," says GG, chewing thoughtfully, "but there's about a thousand years of Warrior culture that says when someone is afraid of you that means you're cool and strong. It's about domination. When I walk down a street and people like walk fast to avoid me, that makes me internally fistpump."
"It would make me feel terrible."
"That's probably the biggest hurdle, then. For integration." She nibbles a nacho. "You aren't afraid of me, though, Zack, are you?"

1]] I kind of am. I just hide it good.
2]] That's because like I said, we're on the same side now.
3]] That's because I don't think you're a killer, really. Not deep down.
4]] That's because I like chicks with muscles.
5]] Does that bother you at all?
>>
No. 575186 ID: d6c045

>>575185
1) "Being deceptive is a facet of human culture."
>>
No. 575187 ID: 2bfcdf

>>575185
2]] That's because like I said, we're on the same side now.
(also ridiculous confidence levels)
Also,
5]] Does that bother you at all?
>>
No. 575190 ID: 53ba34

naaaaaah, we too cool for that.
>>
No. 575191 ID: 761017

>>575185
Humans process fear through the survival mechanism of terror or through the social mechanism of respect, with emphasis on one or the other. I choose to emphasize respect. i.e. I respect your capacity to crush my head in a single motion more than I am afraid that you actually will.
>>
No. 575196 ID: 186341
File 140066067693.png - (9.34KB , 800x600 , 19.png )
575196

"We're on the same side now," you say. "I respect your ability to squish my head like a grape, but I'm not afraid of you."
"Hmm." GG puts the burger down and looks at you.
"Does that bug you?" you ask.
"No." She wipes her lip. You notice her face is just a tad darker red behind her hand. "It's kind of sexy."

Down in the arena a monster truck flies off a ramp and lands square on a volkswagen bug.
>>
No. 575198 ID: 761017

...I think our hero is now experiencing an abstract kind of terror. She just took control of the conversation and placed our hero hip deep in murky social water where there is no possible right move.

Does he smooth talk?
Does he talk right past that comment?
Does he take a stiff drink and remain absolutely silent?
Does he accept it as a complement?
Does he invite further elaboration of her perception of sexiness and how sexual activity functions for her people?

If this continues as feared, our hero's pelvis, and other bones, may in critical danger!
>>
No. 575199 ID: 2bfcdf

>>575196
"That's good! I like being sexy."
Alternatively, just grin and wink. Or both!

>Down in the arena a monster truck flies off a ramp and lands square on a volkswagen bug.
Oh jeez, premonitions of the future.
>>
No. 575202 ID: 53ba34

just give a grin and enjoy the show.
>>
No. 575206 ID: e22313

>>575199
>>575202
Grin, wink, and say nothing. Exude that natural charm!
>>
No. 575215 ID: 0ee153

Winks are kind of creepy. Let's just smile and tell her she looks good, too.
>>
No. 575406 ID: 186341
File 140080721722.png - (10.19KB , 800x600 , 20.png )
575406

Not many people are confident and charming enough to pull off a wink, but you're not many people. GG winks back.

By the time the Gravedigger's rolled back into the garage you get the feeling the show is almost over.
"Where is this Luco's place anyway?" you ask.
"Luco's?" GG flutters the "GRAVEYARD SMASH" pennant she bought from a hawker at you. "I'm stuffed, Z. I mean we can still go if you're hungry, but that Buchanan burger fixed me up for dinner."

1]] Let's go to Luco's. I still want to talk.
2]] Got room for dessert? There's an ice cream place on the way back.
3]] You want to go see a movie or something instead?
4]] That's OK. We should do this again sometime, not only because I'm governmentally mandated to.
5]] That's OK. It's getting pretty late anyway.
>>
No. 575407 ID: dcd676

I vote #3, see if there's an adventure flick she'd like to catch. Might get her blood pumping as much as this rally, but not as much time to talk unless you like pissing off the people around you.
>>
No. 575415 ID: 2bfcdf

Movie seems like it'd go on too long.

2]] Got room for dessert? There's an ice cream place on the way back.
>>
No. 575421 ID: ebc77d

>>575406

5]] That's OK. It's getting pretty late anyway.
Maybe invite her to do something else on another time. Maybe watch a movie or something. Finish it on a high note.
>>
No. 575432 ID: 9a281a

Ice creeaaaaam.
>>
No. 575438 ID: 0ee153

Ask her if she'd like some ice cream. She can probably handle it, since she didn't seem to have any problems digesting the bacon cheeseburger.
>>
No. 575447 ID: 186341
File 140083201702.png - (9.63KB , 800x600 , 21.png )
575447

You suggest ice cream. GG enthusiastically agrees. "I've never had ice cream before."
"Never? You're shitting me."
"I just never had the opportunity!"
"It's knocking. Look up Criminy Cones on GPS and follow me there."


"Hi hi," says GG, sliding into your booth. She once again ignores the stares the other patrons give her like a champion, drumming her wrists against the chilly red linoleum table.
Criminy Cones has a walk-in line thing going on one side of it, but there's also a more traditional booth-and-menu part, where you can sit down and place an order. There's sandwiches and stuff, but you're here on a mission. You wave at the waitress and show that your +1 has arrived.

"I've never had ice cream," GG tells the waitress, as she passes you a menu.
"Never?" asks the waitress. "You gotta. We'll break out the expensive stuff." She snaps her gum and winks at you.

"So." GG folds her hands together and starts playing with her bracelet. "How do you think that went, on human terms?"
"How did what go?"
"Our first date."

1]] That was great. I love monster trucks.
2]] Pretty good, all things considering.
3]] That fight was a little bumpy, but no harm done.
4]] It was a little rough-and-tumble for date number one, but that's to be expected at a monster jam.
5]] Ugh. Redneck city. Sorry it turned out so hick-tastic.
>>
No. 575451 ID: a9fcd5

>>575447
>2]] Pretty good, all things considering
Only minus was the hick guy disturbance. B
ut other than that, no problem.
>>
No. 575452 ID: 2f4b71

Can't complain about the redneck. At a MONSTER JAM they pretty much count as an environmental hazard.
>>
No. 575454 ID: 2bfcdf

>>575447
3]] That fight was a little bumpy, but no harm done.
On human terms, that was a bit of a disruption.
>>
No. 575455 ID: 57a559

>>575447
We had a fun time
That's what matters
so good date, yeah
>>
No. 575459 ID: 189a54

>>575447
2. The disturbance was a bit awkward, but you were at the M-M-MONSTER JAM. Rednecks and the xenophobia that comes with them were part of the package.
>>
No. 575462 ID: e1609c

>>575459
thirding 2
>>
No. 575472 ID: 9a281a

2.

If we have to give details (or she presses for them) the thing we're considering is that this was a blind date. Set up by crazy government bureaucrats. (Yes, that's what makes this weird and could have potential messed things up).
>>
No. 575480 ID: 0ee153

>>575472
Yup.
>>
No. 575581 ID: dcd676

>>575451
Pretty much my thoughts. #2
>>
No. 575676 ID: 2bc7b5

2, I think. This weren't meant to be no evening at the opera, it was grabbing a brew, learning a bit about each other, and havin a swell ole time.
Good food, good music, good fun, and good company. Mute Button excluded, of course, though I suppose that was amusing and informative in its own right.
>>
No. 575899 ID: 186341
File 140107083898.png - (10.71KB , 800x600 , 22.png )
575899

"I think it was pretty good, all things considered," you say. "It was no night at the opera, and the fight was a little awkward, but it was fun!"
"That's good," says GG, her face buried in the menu. "Because on Warrior terms I royally screwed up."

"Really? How?"

"I didn't assert dominance enough. Warrior dating is all about asserting dominance. There's a winner and a loser. You know?"
"That sounds stressful."
"There wasn't any give-and-take. If you were a Warrior dude you'd have walked out an hour ago." She sighs. "I should have punched that guy in the skull. I mean" she puts down the menu. "I had a good time, though. It was nice."

"What was?"

"Not having to worry about power dynamics and who was stronger. I mean no offense but we both know I could break your little spine like a twig."
"None taken."
"So it was kind of nice. Not trying to compete. I shouldn't say that." She puts a hand on her mouth. "That's very un-Warrior. That's human dating, right? The guy does most of it?"

1]] More or less.
2]] Classically yeah, but I like to think we're more egalitarian now.
3]] Not necessarily. Some men prefer assertive women.
4]] If you feel like asserting more dominance you can pay for my ice cream. I won't object.
5]] I don't like to think about it like Warriors or Humans.
6]] It seems like you have a good handle on how we do it. Tell me more about Warrior dating.
7]] Are you ready to order? I'll get the waitress.
>>
No. 575903 ID: 0ee153

>>575899
2 and 3. Also ask about Warrior dating and ask if she'd like to go on a normal Warrior date and a normal human date to compare.

Also ask about how Warriors flirt.
>>
No. 575904 ID: 57a559

>>575899
2 and 3, it's at least way it's supposed to be ideally
Classic dating is still big though, it's the only way a guy even knows how to date so women just roll with it unless they really hate the status quo in that regard. And then there's different types of dates, some men only date because they want to sleep with a women they're attracted to, then bail on them. Some women hate that, and want a dude that will stick around, and there's plenty of those too. But some women are also in it just for the dinner or entertainment and then post-date boning.
There's also same-sex dating, which is different because obviously gender roles can't be appropriated, and then there's other culture's way of courtship.
Human dating is different culture to culture though too, so really, that's American dating we're talking about. You might find similar styles of dating to Warrior with other cultures. Thinking of humans date is like thinking about how all the other types of Visitors date at the same time, which have you considered? Do cross-Visitors date typically? How does that go, you might want to try those techniques if you'll also be dating other men in the future, we don't know how it's supposed to go on your end with the whole program. I was just straight up told have fun or your fired. So, yeah, that's the goal for this date. Have fun and get to know each other. Techniques be damned because we're among the first to try this.
>>
No. 575907 ID: 2bfcdf

>>575899
So that thing about the seats was a bit of Warrior dating, wasn't it?

2]] Classically yeah, but I like to think we're more egalitarian now.
>>
No. 575911 ID: 9a281a

Wait, how does a warrior date work if you're always trying to win? Doesn't that mean it always sucks for one person who ends up losing? One of you is all hoo-yah! and the other is all, shit, man.

>That's human dating, right? The guy does most of it?
According to some cliches. It's certainly not true all the time. Heck, I don't even know if it was true when people thought it was. Truth is, we're kind of messy.
>>
No. 575947 ID: 0835d4

>>575899
2, 4 and 5.
>>
No. 575950 ID: 57a559

Oh my god, I just thought of something awesome! Maybe for a future date but it sounds like tons of fun.

We got to do Karaoke and do a cheesy love song to show how cheesy human dating can get.
>>
No. 576011 ID: ba8629

3]]

8]] Human dominance is different anyway. It's more about escalating, deescalating, and outmaneuvering with words. Real fights happen, but they're seen as a fuckup on someone's part. And both sides have to opt-in. If you browbeat someone who isn't arguing, you look like an asshole, and if you beat up someone who isn't looking for a fight, you look like a bully.
>>
No. 576022 ID: 5f15ba

Indeed. I suggest reading Sun Tsu's Art Of War.
Not only is it insightful to the mannerisms of human warfare, but our motivations, what we hope to get out of it.
It's also surprisingly relevant to dating and romance. Not every war is head on. Not all dominance is won with brute force. Not all respect is won through fear.
We romanticize most those who can win in love and war through cleverness, skill, and strength. The versatility to know when to use each is vital. At least, in an ideal world. Truthfully, almost noone has that ability, but we try. To try is to play the game, and the game is the battlefield of the heart.
>>
No. 576073 ID: 186341
File 140115244409.png - (12.09KB , 800x600 , 23.png )
576073

"Classically it is," you say. "But that's kind of 20th century. And human dating is always very, uh, messy.
"Messy?"
"There aren't too many rules. Some men prefer assertive women."
"Is that you?" she asks.
"I don't care. I like interesting people."
"Am I interesting?"
"You're 8 feet tall and red with 4 arms," you say. "I'd say you qualify."
"I'm glad you think we're interesting." GG brushes some hair back. "Humans are pretty interesting too."
"Cultural exchange is in the job description," you say. "So that thing with the seats was a little Warrior dating, hmm?"
She nods. "I kind of gave up after you broke up the fight."
"Would you want to go on a warrior date later?"
She shrugs. "Maybe. If you want to. Those monster trucks were sick."
"So there's always a winner and a loser? Wouldn't it always suck for the person who loses?"

"Sort of," GG says. "But not really. I mean you don't go on a date with someone if you're not at all into them, right?"
"How do warriors flirt?"
"You kind of warrior flirted," she says.
"I did?"
"Yeah. When you verbally harassed that redneck. Show of strength."
"Human dominance is more about words and outmaneuvering."
"Warriors have that too. Kind of. Normally we're a little more hands-on. You have to show two things, right?" She leans on her hand. Her knee touches yours under the table. "That you're strong and also that you're sexy."

So if I have particularly strong legs, for example, I would do this."

Her leg slides past yours then in a lightning fast motion wraps around your calf and squeezes. The muscle is hard as rock under her smooth skin. She pulls your leg in a little closer and you can feel the slight padding of her thigh just around the bend in her knee. It's chilly in the restaurant and she's wearing shorts, but she's radiating heat.

"And I would say:" She bends forward a little. Her hand brushes past your calf. "Try and move that."

You try. Your leg is caught fast. GG curls her leg a little more and you're dragged forward. The arena couldn't wash away that vanilla perfume; it hangs in the air around both of you, sultry and redolent.
She giggles. "Come on, Stringbean."

1]] Try harder.
2]] I give up. You win.
3]] Not in public.
4]] What are the stakes? What does the winner get out of Warrior dating, anyway?
5]] Tickle her leg.
>>
No. 576074 ID: 842b98

definitely 5
>>
No. 576075 ID: e1609c

>>576073
5: time for MAX TRICKSY
>>
No. 576076 ID: 0c559f

[1] probably won't work since body is our weakest trait, but what the hell. Use your runner/parkour muslces!
>>
No. 576079 ID: fdaa1c

5. If she becomes visibly taken by surprise, thrown off or otherwise caught off guard, smirk and say: "I win."
>>
No. 576080 ID: 1e686d

1. But after failing, move forward into a kiss and say "Strength and sexiness proven, GG." Or something like that.
>>
No. 576081 ID: 68bbc5

5. You can't win on pure strength. Show her a little human ingenuity.
>>
No. 576082 ID: 53ba34

5
>>
No. 576084 ID: 9a281a

5, for sure. (And he's hoping we don't accidentally get our head or chest crushed when she reacts to being tickled. Involuntary movements from someone that strong and all...)
>>
No. 576089 ID: 186341
File 140115558811.png - (9.98KB , 800x600 , 24.png )
576089

You tickle her leg.
Right when she starts laughing her grip slackens enough for you to wrest your leg away from hers. Maybe you tickle her a little longer than strictly necessary.
Her skin is soft.

She laughs so hard she snorts and then covers her mouth.
"Gotcha," you say.
"Aww, shit," she says, steadying herself on the table.
"I win!"
GG still tremors with laughter. "Fuck you fuck you fuck you!"

"Um."
The waitress clicks and reclicks her pen, nervously. "Are you guys ready or should I like come back later..."

1]] No, no. We're good. GG, what do you want?
2]] GG's never had ice cream. Order for her.
3]] __________
>>
No. 576095 ID: 0c559f

>>576089
[2]COOKIES AND CREAM
>>
No. 576097 ID: 0ee153

>>576089
Ask what flavors are available.
>>
No. 576098 ID: ba8629

2]]
Start with vanilla.
Heh.
>>
No. 576100 ID: 0ee153

And after the waitress leaves remind her the fucking happens later.
>>
No. 576104 ID: dc4b80

Make sure she does not have some sort of odd allergy to chocolate or nuts before you get anything.
>>
No. 576111 ID: 9a281a

Chocolate. How can you not start with chocolate.
>>
No. 576116 ID: 186341
File 140115850267.png - (9.72KB , 800x600 , 25.png )
576116

"Do you like chocolate?" you ask GG. She delivers a so-so gesture.
"One medium chocolate ice cream," you say. "And a cookies and cream."
"Large," GG says.
"Gotcha," says the waitress. "That'll be right out for ya."

"You ok with cookies and cream?" you ask. "You're gonna love it, I think. And you have to try the chocolate."
"Chocolate is meh," GG says.
"Chocolate ice cream is ambrosia," you say.
"You're the boss, Zack." There's that lilt at the beginning of your name again. She squeezes your leg. "I tried to salvage it at the end, but you deff won date one."
"What does the winner get?" you ask, as the waitress scoots your bowl in front of you.
"Bragging rights. We love bragging rights. And also usually the loser pays for everything. And also the winner usually gets to decide when the date ends. And, um." She trails off, sticking a spoonful of cookies and cream into her mouth.
"Um?"
"And how it ends."
>>
No. 576119 ID: 0ee153

>>576116
...Ah. Ask if she wants to go back to your place after ice cream and see how things go. No obligation, just if she wants, she can stop and leave anytime, it can be her place if she prefers.

More talking, sex, anything in between, whatever.
>>
No. 576123 ID: 9a281a

>And also usually the loser pays for everything
Well, if the loser pays for everything, then it was the government that lost, tonight.
>>
No. 576125 ID: a36601

Sex is going too far for a first date. Kiss or makeouts would be nice though.
>>
No. 576131 ID: 57a559

>>576116
Mention that you love bragging rights, but uhhh, human moral conditioning doesn't really allow for that last condition at all to be true. No one ever wins that right for humans, well, most humans.
>>
No. 576136 ID: 9ddf68

one of the more accepted dating rules is the third date rule. So I say we should end it by setting up another date. Maybe ask if we should start off with a human date at first like we did this time or try starting with the warrior date first. If we're picking go warrior as she was kind enough to try it our way after all.
>>
No. 576140 ID: 2bfcdf

Well, if we're gonna keep from being too taboo we could just straight up say the third date's the true warrior date.

We can end this date with a kiss just to keep her from being disappointed. Warriors do kissing too, right?
>>
No. 576148 ID: 965482

Good opportunity to flirt, here. Redirection of strength. Ask her how you'd be ending the date tonight if she was the one who got to pick.
>>
No. 576152 ID: 0ee153

>>576136
>>576140
>third date rule an actual thing

Out of curiosity, have either of you ever gotten to a third date? If so, you should know that dating "rules" do not correspond to reality. three dates is often long enough to know whether or not you'd ever want to fuck someone, but so is one date sometimes.

Same with "first date is too early for sex". Dating's not really something that you can apply rules to other than not being a douchebag. Ask her if she feels comfortable with the two of you going back to either of your places and then going as far or as short as you feel comfortable with.

Seriously, on dates, you just do as much as you feel comfortable with and most of the point of dates is to find out how far you're willing to go.
>>
No. 576162 ID: 68bbc5

Smooches now and hot lovin' on a later date.
>>
No. 576181 ID: 186341
File 140116926691.png - (8.11KB , 800x600 , 26.png )
576181

"If it was you who could pick," you say, "How would you end this one?"

GG tilts her head a little.

She smiles.

She leans across the table, puts one hand on the back of your neck, and kisses you deeply on the lips.

Her lips are strangely smooth compared to a human's, and the inside of her mouth is warmer than you're used to. She tastes a little like smoke and a little like cookies and cream.

She holds you there for a while. One of her hands traces your quadricep most of the way up your thigh.

She finally pulls away. You're a little dizzy.

"How about that?" she asks.
>>
No. 576182 ID: 2bfcdf

Very nice. So when can we do this again?
>>
No. 576184 ID: 9a281a

>How about that?
...I think that's what I'd have picked, too.
>>
No. 576190 ID: 186341
File 140117090462.png - (9.78KB , 800x600 , 27.png )
576190

"Yeah," you say. You take a breath to get your bearings again. Your nose is filled with her perfume. "I think that's good. When can we do this again?"

"Whenever, stud," GG says. "I haven't had this much fun in years."
She gets her bag and slings it over her shoulder. "You have my number, right?"
"Yep."
"So call me! Or maybe I'll call you. Dominance."
"Dominance," you say.
"I like you, Zack," GG says. "You're sexy. You pick where we go next time, though." She sticks her tongue out. "And don't make me wait too long."

She walks out of your evening with a lot more of a sway to her hips than when she walked into it.
>>
No. 576191 ID: 186341
File 140117091821.png - (21.22KB , 832x600 , 28.png )
576191

Pick your next date.
You can go on two in a row with one girl, and you can always return to a girl later.
>>
No. 576193 ID: 9a281a

So... GG again?

Wait, what are we doing in between dates? You can't go on a date every night, can you? You need time to do other things, and to prepare for the next one. (Well, except where dominance kicks in).
>>
No. 576195 ID: 0c559f

Lets go with the Oculot. She seems nice.
>>
No. 576196 ID: 0ee153

I agree with the Oculot, although given the "fireballs from eyes" bit I wonder if she's keeping hers closed because she has to. Like Cyclops.

Do you happen to know if it's at will, reflexive and at will, or continuous?
>>
No. 576199 ID: 0c559f

>>576196
Guess we'll find out. We should challenge her to a staring contest.
>>
No. 576205 ID: 945fb0

>>576191
Oculot
>>
No. 576206 ID: 965482

Tempted to see what's up with the Skut. They're traditionally shy and skittish, yeah? And she looks the part... and yet, she signed up for this program. A blind date with an extradimensional being set up by the government. What's the story behind that?
>>
No. 576213 ID: 75b610

Oculot, most def.
>>
No. 576222 ID: 5f15ba

>>576206
I agree, but it looks like the Oculot is carrying this time. Perhaps next time.
>>
No. 576224 ID: cad45e

Let's go the one eyed burninator this time and hope that this will not end up with tears and crushed heads.
>>
No. 576399 ID: 186341
File 140137683975.png - (3.75KB , 800x600 , 29.png )
576399

You get home around midnight and blearily send an email to jcarlson@hvao.gov telling him you've got one date down and you're thinking Oculot next.

You start to close Chrome when you get an immediate reply.
Excellent. Her email is polyphema@outlook.com. Good pace.
-C


That was weirdly quick.

You start up another email to polyphema.
What to say?
>>
No. 576400 ID: d6c045

>>576399
Bet you you're being monitored while you're on the dates.

Write your message with eye puns metaphors about seeing things suggestions on where to go sightseeing.
>>
No. 576402 ID: cad45e

Well she seems chippy and happy, maybe write something to match that? Maybe not too happy?
>>
No. 576403 ID: 363ecd

>>576400
Of course we're being monitored. They're not paying us six figures without making sure we're actually doing what they paid for.
>>
No. 576407 ID: 189a54

>>576399
Introduce yourself again, thank her for wanting to do this program and all that. Ask if going sightseeing sounds like a good idea to her.
>>
No. 576428 ID: f59d47

I'm sure she's heard all the eye puns before. We wouldn't want to bore her. Love her gmail though, these visitors sure do love their mythological references.
>>
No. 576429 ID: f59d47

>>576428
Wait, it's not gmail, it's outlook.
Forget what I said about no eye puns, she seems to love them.
>>
No. 576431 ID: 0ee153

One subtle eye pun to test the waters and that's it for now.
>>
No. 576439 ID: f28bf6

eye joke eye joke...
"Yanno, I thought I was being watched."
...Okay maybe that's not a good one but hopefully someone can think of a better line.
>>
No. 576462 ID: d6c045

>>576439
Eye dunno, you'll just have to see what visionary puns we come up with. They'll get so bad your eyes may water.

A statement about going sight-seeing might suffice.
>>
No. 576476 ID: 6eb70c

>>576462
We may not see eye to eye on everything, but we should try to see things from her point of view. If we go somewhere crowded she'll just become a spectacle, and everyone will think she's an eyesore. We have to convey to her that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We can weather any kind of verbal abuse until we reach proverbial eye of the storm, even if that means we have to dig deep and harness the eye of the tiger. WE'll just have to keep an eye out and make sure no one's unsightly comments cause her undue stress.
>>
No. 576479 ID: 40935b

Go easy on the eye puns. Our slightly-below average sense of humor may not transfer well through e-mail.
>>
No. 576480 ID: 2bfcdf

I don't think we should do eye jokes either. She's probably heard them all.

Suggest somewhere sensible. Like a movie or a rock concert or something.
>>
No. 576485 ID: ca0da5

Kinda odd that they have one eye, but two eybrows.

She looks kind of peppy, but not prim, in fact she looks almost as shy as the Skut. Almost being around 60-75%, I'd say. Nnnot entirely sure how you would address such a person, though, but definitely avoid overuse of eye puns. Something subtle is well and good, and if she replies with an abundance of them, then you can try a few when you reply. (Also: If she replies right off the bat, feel free to reply right back at her without much delay... It's less of a "Wow I'm desperate" and more of a "Yeah, I don't just leave a message and vanish" type of action)
>>
No. 576487 ID: 6868bc

Egh, yeah. Eye puns are really tired, and will put you off on a bad foot. Say hi, introduce yourself, ask if she's got any preferences on how to get to know each other. We have NO IDEA what her sense of humor is like yet, play it safe.
>>
No. 576493 ID: 70e713

>>576399
>chrome
the hell is wrong with you?
>>
No. 576494 ID: cad45e

>>576493
He has superior taste that's what.
>>
No. 576496 ID: 186341
File 140146559472.png - (8.76KB , 800x600 , 30.png )
576496

>Hi! The government sent me.
>Do you want to go out somewhere, sometime? Maybe dinner or a concert or we could go sightseeing somew
You pause and backspace.
>Maybe dinner or a concert or we could go watch a movi
You backspace again.
>Maybe dinner or a concert or something? I'd love to see you.
Your hand hovers over the backspace. You decide that one's OK.
>Let me know when you're free.
>Zack
>>
No. 576497 ID: 186341
File 140146561372.png - (8.32KB , 800x600 , 31.png )
576497

She doesn't respond that night, but the next morning when you've woke up your inbox has one new message from Polyphema.

Zaaaack
dinner. beautiful. have you ever been to taverna?
or if you want to stare at a bunch of old fossils WITHOUT makeup and feather boas i have never ONCE been to the museum of natural history.

or clubbing, if you're with that scene. i like
20/15 but you can pick your poison.
if you're thinking this is some kind of test to see what you kinds of tastes are, you're a clever young man.
text me, doll! i'll keep an eye out for you ,)


Taverna is incredibly ritzy. The HVAO is, of course, picking up the tab, but you'll be out of your element.
The Museum of Natural History needs no introduction.
20/15 you've kind of heard of. It's less bro-force and more one of those trancey, cool-as-ice places. Your friend Anika from the Art and Design school fucking loves it; she describes it as "Very visual."
>>
No. 576504 ID: 0ee153

>>576497
Based on what's been seen of her personality, I'm going to guess that she'd like 20/15 the most. Could be wrong, but hey.

Also, 20/15 is probably the one Zack will be most comfortable in.
>>
No. 576507 ID: f8ee78

She hasn't been to the history museum? What a travesty. Every third grade human has been to the natural history museum. How are we meant to integrate without sharing at least that much? This must be rectified. Then clubbing. Is there a place she might not have been though? Something new that just opened maybe?
>>
No. 576509 ID: 363ecd

>>576496
Pff. Already imagining her naked, you perv.
>>
No. 576511 ID: 317062

>>576497
Dat one eyed winky face. Lets take her to Taverna, it's the easiest way to actually talk, and even out of our element we've got the confidence and charm to make things work out. Number two choice would be 20/15 though.
>>
No. 576513 ID: ca0da5

>>576497
>text me, doll!
For all her changes in wording and phrasing, this line sticks out. Doll. Officially that is recognized as an informal term, yet it's the kind of thing you hear from ritzier folk all the time. Taverna first, and a maybe on the museum afterwards.
>>
No. 576515 ID: 0ee153

>>576513
That relies on her being well-versed in human slang, but it does seem like she's familiar with a good bit of human culture.

Taverna, then.
>>
No. 576516 ID: ca0da5

>>576513
Actually, y'know what, she wanted to know what your tastes are. Take the vantage here. Recommend what you are more comfortable with. Let's not go and lie through this one. If it fails, it fails, you'll still get some stuff to document.

But, uh, before you actually do suggest it, contact your friend and ask about Visitors in 20/15. (Very visual, I just realized, is another eye pun. I wonder if that's intentional) Even if it turns out that particular club is discriminatory, you can still mention that clubbing sounds good, but recommend another place.
>>
No. 576517 ID: 0ee153

>>576516
I'm fairly sure that Zack's personality is broadly-defined enough that we can reasonably define whatever choice we pick as his taste. Remember back when we ranked his attributes? This might be something similar.
>>
No. 576519 ID: f8ee78

>>576517
Seems to me like a huge part of his tastes probably lie in the direction of trying new things. He is in this program after all. Thats why I say find a club that just opened to check out.
>>
No. 576520 ID: 6868bc

How's about you get in touch with Anika and tell her you're thinking of taking a date to 20/15? She might have some tips to help you. Special drinks to order, secret handshakes to get into a more interesting part of the club, whatever.
>>
No. 576545 ID: 186341
File 140149345631.png - (83.82KB , 800x600 , 32.png )
576545

"Zack. What's good, hood?"
"Anika. Hi. You know 20/15? What do they think of Visitors?"
"Visitors like clientele or Visitors like the crazy Hell aliens? From space?"
"The latter."
"Oh."
"Are there aliens that aren't from space?"
"Some are from Mexico," says Anika, diplomatically. "And 20/15 are SoHo liberal as hell. They love Visitors."
"They do?"
"If your parents would hate it, 20/15 loves it. UHH I mean"
"Don't worry, Anika. Thanks."
"Are you finally thinking of hitting it up? Oooh, are you taking one of your alien biddies?"

1]] Yep.
2]] Yeah, you want to come along?
3]] I think we're actually going to give it a pass. I wouldn't want her to feel like an exhibit for a bunch of upper west siders.
>>
No. 576546 ID: 2bfcdf

1.

She's been to 20/15, so she likes it, but we don't want to make it a double date. Third wheels are no good.
>>
No. 576563 ID: 0ee153

Know anyone who goes to Taverna or how conservative it is? Maybe your parents? Also, ask her if there's any specific things you should know- secret menus or anything.
>>
No. 576564 ID: 6868bc

1! And tell her you'd invite her, but it's a date. A date that, more to the point, has your employment hinging on its success. You guys still oughta hang out soon, though!
>>
No. 576566 ID: ca0da5

>>576545
1.

4: "I'm not even thinking of this as an escort process during the dates, focusing entirely on having a good time with the lady."

Or something to that extent.
>>
No. 576577 ID: 0e5a5e

1
>>
No. 576605 ID: 2f4b71

1. Also 4. "Wow, word gets round fast".
>>
No. 576661 ID: 6196e5

>>576605
1. Though I think she might have just intuited what we're up to by way of our questions, so the 4. here isn't really called for.
>>
No. 576826 ID: 186341
File 140168979490.png - (11.06KB , 800x600 , 33.png )
576826

"Word gets around, huh?"
"Alan told me. He said he lent you his car?"
"I thought so. Yeah he owed me for the soup thing. Still does."
"Are you going to borrow it again for tonight?"
"You're darn tooting. Hey we should hang out soon."
"Hey are you sure? Should I grow like saberteeth or get green skin first?"
"You know what I mean. Hey, what about Taverna? Have you been in there?"
"Me? Taverna? Zack, please. We both know I'm on paleo."
"Still?"
"And if the heartburn didn't kill me the prices would. Have fun, tho!"
"Thanks, Anika."
"No problem, Zeester. Tell me how it goes."
"I signed an NDA."
"Fuck the police," says Anika, and then hangs up.

You suggest Taverna then 20/15 to Polyphema.
Fantastic. Brill. You'll be playing the gentleman and picking me up, Zackary attackary. I don't believe in cars or anything else that necessitates depth perception.
I cannot
wait to see you, darling!! We're going to have inordinate amounts of fun.

You borrow the car again from Alan ("I'm going to sniff the seats," he says, and you say, "It's all going to smell like egg drop soup still," and he says "Fuck you, Zack") and go to pick up the Oculot, realizing about two thirds of the way there you never learned her real name.

The address she gives is a Housing Authority development just outside the parts of the city that are just outside the good parts of the city. It's an ugly-looking Hell's Kitchen kind of place: all unadorned brick and brutalist apartment blocks. In the courtyard of two sizable terraces, a couple of floater kids chase each other through the air. Visitors are everywhere. You're not sure you see a single human.

Sitting on an iron bench looking out into the street is an Oculot lady with a bright yellow floppy hat and a book in her hand. A basketball thrown off-path by a clumsy young Warrior bounces near her and rockets off over a chainlink fence; she doesn't flinch.
>>
No. 576828 ID: 57a559

>>576826
That's her beauty mark
go get her boy
Just say her username and mention you never caught her real name.
>>
No. 576830 ID: 0e5a5e

hubba hubba

I mean er, say hi!
>>
No. 576831 ID: 2bfcdf

Ask what she's reading.
>>
No. 576832 ID: ca0da5

Since you don't know her name, and for all we know a beauty mark like that could be common place, you should instead ask if she's waiting for a Zach, if she says yes, then you can say "Yeah, that's me. Sorry, I never got your name through the email... Unless it really is Polyphema?" (That might be her actual name, yeah). If she says she isn't, still introduce yourself and ask if she knows where the Oculot that goes by the alias "Polyphema" is.
>>
No. 576835 ID: cad45e

Aight mang, be ready for horrible shit. You thought the warrior was alien just you wait till you can literally see each and every thread in her iris, probably gonna have a problem staring considering the tunnel vision she's gonna have, keeping eye contact might not be hard so you can be calm about that.

Just play it cool, go there and introduce yourself and for the love of god do not vomit at her massive gelatinous blob of an eye no matter how disgusting it is. Remember, you are here to learn about culture, no eyeball smoochies or whatever so you can just be calm.
>>
No. 576838 ID: 363ecd

Well, go up and talk to her. If they're fine walking around human places, you should be chill walking in visitor places.

>"I signed an NDA."
...you know, that raises the interesting question of what that covers, since these dates are happening in public and not behind closed doors. Just the contents of your reports / discussions with Carlson?
>>
No. 576841 ID: 0ee153

>>576835
That's not even vaguely amusing or clever.

Ask her if she's Polyphema, ask real name if so, if not ask if she knows where to find her.
>>
No. 576863 ID: f0a5e4

>>576835
Woah man, chill. She seems like a classy lady, there's no need for that kind of negativity. I understand your concerns, but the date with GG went fine, didn't it? Zach's made of sterner stuff, despite his rookie xenophile status. Just go with the flow, mate.
Anyway, seems like asking if she's waiting for a Zach is the best idea avilable. Wonder if she's noticed us already. She seems both laconic and cultured, and I wouldn't be surprised if she was just waiting for us to approach her.
>>
No. 576870 ID: 6868bc

I'm curious. This is a girl who gives the impression of being used to the finer things. Her suggestions were a fancy restaurant, a museum, an arty club. And yet, she chose to meet you in a less-than-good part of town where mostly Visitors live. Does she live here? Or did she just ask you to meet her here to see how you'd handle yourself around Visitors who weren't handpicked for human interaction?

Either way, relax. Play it cool. "Been waiting long?"
>>
No. 576925 ID: 186341
File 140177517504.png - (11.43KB , 940x798 , 34.png )
576925

You pull up to the bench.
"Polyphema, right?" you ask. "Have you been waiting long?"

"Dollface!" The Oculot leans into the car window and brushes her hair back.
Her eye is very large and very blue. It's a little filmier than a human's, but you have to admit it's a very pretty color. "Hello, darling. What a gorgeous ride."
"Thanks. It's a friend's."
"Thank you, Zack. Thank you, friend." She shuts her book. "I realized while I was waiting I never gave you my actual name!"
"Which is?"
"I never said I was going to." She winks. Or actually that was probably just a blink. "Not yet, anyway. I'm sure you'll earn it tonight."
"Well hop in, Polyphema," you say. "What were you reading?"
"The Glass Menagerie." She bounces into your passenger seat and squeezes your hand. "Have you read it? I adore Amanda Wingfield. And speak of the devil here's a gentleman caller."
"I'll try to beat out Jim O'Connor."
"Don't spoil anything or I'll just kill you. Not really. But I could fry your brains. So be mindful. Are you ready to have an amazing time? That makes one of us. Ha! I'm kidding, darling. You look fantastic. This car looks fantastic. I love this interior! Is it leather?"
"Yep," you say. "It's a BMW."
"Do all BMWs smell like minestrone?"
"Just this one."
"Drive on, Minestronemobile!" Polyphema says. "Wait!"
She leaps out of the car and grabs her bag, which was still sitting on the bench. She vaults the hood and hops back into the passenger seat. "Now drive on. πάμε! Taverna! Oooooh." She picks up your iPod, which is jacked into the auxiliary for the speakers. "Do you have any music?"

1]] Pick a song, any song.
2]] Let Polyphema pick.
3]] Also think of some small talk on the way to Taverna.
>>
No. 576928 ID: 57a559

>>576925
1)Pick that one song from Far Cry 3 by Skrillix since odds are dubstep is what's going to be playing at the nightclub... Make it Bundem, that's it.

That or Synth music like from the Terminator, also coincidentally on that Far Cry 3 add-on Blood Dragon
or go with the safe bet and just go with
2), "Yeah, I got music. Why don't you browse and pick a song out, if you know how to work it."
>>
No. 576931 ID: 6868bc

She seems excited! Maybe even to the point of babbling. She might be nervous, and trying to hide it-- take the lead and try and make her feel comfortable, just in case. "Thanks, by the way. I don't get a lot of excuses to go anywhere like Taverna. The life of a bachelor, you know?"

2: Let her pick out your choons.
>>
No. 576933 ID: 0ee153

1, looks like she's still trying to gauge our interests.

Peer Gynt Suite, by Edvard Greig. Not what's expected of us, I suspect. If she asks, hint that you're messing with her self-proclaimed tests.

As for small talk, try >>576931.
>>
No. 576935 ID: ca0da5

>>576925
Wow, girl's classy AND... Uh, I don't actually know what the word is for a person who's into clubbing and street talk and stuff. But she's that too.

>>576933
Messing with her tests... and you really do just have a broad appreciation for things anyways. I would recommend mentioning a preferred genre of music, but I don't know which genre to suggest. I mean, sure, you can kid around and tease her, but don't just leave her in the dark to feel her way around, drop her the bone after short teasings.
>>
No. 576939 ID: e1609c

>>576935
Classy and Sassy?
>>
No. 576949 ID: cea888

1. Come Together by The Beatles, or something similarly smooth.

If aliens don't like the Beatles, I give up.
>>
No. 576955 ID: 57a559

There's also always the Tron Legacy soundtrack
>>
No. 576980 ID: 2bfcdf

She's a jokester so try joking around with her a bit.
>>
No. 576997 ID: 75b610

Break the ice with Air Raid Vehicle.
>>
No. 577009 ID: a46bff

>>576933
I dare you to start with In The Hall of the Mountain King from it. That should *really* mess with head-gaming.
>>
No. 577038 ID: 186341
File 140185540456.png - (53.71KB , 800x600 , 35.png )
577038

You take the iPod and queue up the Beatles.
If the Visitors don't like the Beatles, all hope for integration, in your opinion, is lost.

Luckily, as soon as the first strains of "Come Together" filter through the speakers, Polyphema gasps and claps her hands with glee.
"Yes, Zack! Oh my god. I love Abbey Road."
"So I passed the test?"
"Darling, please! Not everything's a test!" she says. "But yes."
You start the engine up and pull out of the projects, heading back toward the City. There's a parking garage a few blocks from Taverna that should do nicely.
"Here come old flat-top" sings Polyphema. Her voice is a little scratchy, but in a nice way. Sort of like Janis Joplin. Her accent is much less thick than GG's; it's nearly undetectable. "He come grooooovin up slowly he got jooooo-ju eyeball hey!" She grins. "Did you do that on purpose, Zack?"
"Should I have?"
"No. I'm incredibly racially sensitive about it. Bid your brains adieu." She digs around in her bag. "I have to stop joking about that. It's a rotten habit. I nearly scared the nice lady at the laundromat to death. You're not spooked, are you, doll?"
"Not at all. Thanks, by the way."
"What for?"
"I don't get many excuses to go to places like Taverna. The life of a bachelor, y'know?"
"Do you live by yourself?"
"Yeah. It's ok, I have a studio."
"Well you certainly clean up very nice, Zachary." She sniffs. "What's that cologne?"
"Eau du Old spice."
"You wear it even better than your charmingly wrinkled necktie! Oh no don't fix it, Zack. I was giving you guff. You look very handsome, actually." She snuggles back in her chair a little. "I say that about every human, of course."
"You like humans?"
"They're all so cute! I love the clothes. On the Other Side it was all robes and headdresses. It's nice to stretch my legs." She rests her heels on the dash. She certainly has legs.

1]] You're really into human culture, huh?
2]] Robes and headdresses? Tell me more about the Other Side.
3]] So what's a nice lady like you doing outside a place like that?
4]] So can I know your real name now?
5]] Tell me about yourself.
6]] Tell her about yourself.
>>
No. 577041 ID: 189a54

>>577038
1, 2 and 5. Time to learn some about what it's like on the other side.
>>
No. 577044 ID: 6868bc

Start with 6. Better to be oblique than direct, and if you start off by telling her about yourself, she'll feel obliged to reciprocate, at least a little. The alternative would be to seem dull, and a girl like her can't abide seeming dull.
>>
No. 577047 ID: 0ee153

Is it common to make joking death threats on the other side?

But yeah, start with 6, move on to 2 and 1.
>>
No. 577065 ID: 2bfcdf

Maybe you could put this song on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlGNm7_dvz4
>>
No. 577072 ID: a46bff

"I'm tempted to try a game of, 'My world, your world.' That's where one of us describes something about what life is like where we came from, and the other tries to describe their counterpart to it. It can be surprisingly interesting when you're in a bar full of internationals I've found, but Taverna is probably a bit too upper crust to go bothering the other patrons like that. Did you want to pick a conversation topic or should I try harder?"
>>
No. 577082 ID: 6780f8

2, though if she doesn't seem to want to talk much about that, switch to 5, or as a third option, transition into 6.

Also, HAHAHAHAHA this quest is great for a variety of reasons.
>>
No. 577098 ID: ca0da5

Sounds like she already knows a lot about the human world, though it won't hurt to ask if there's anything specific she wants to know. "Yeah, our world is full of enough cultures that we have plenty of choices. I can't imagine being stuck to a single type of clothing. Well, I can, school and work dress codes, but even then we get to wear our casual attire during time off."

7]] "You're a bit classy and sassy at the same time,
5]] "Is that standard of Occulots or what?"

If she brings up joking about frying your mind again, give a small smile, maybe a single quiet laugh/chuckle. If she asks why, or mentions you being brave, "Well, if you fry me you fry me, not much I can do once it happens, so I'll just have to assume it's your joking manner in the meantime."
>>
No. 577180 ID: 761017

She is a fancy lady, let her feel fancy on your dime!

We need her to talk about the places she has seen!
Let her gloat about the enviable things of her people, the famous things of her world.

We can counter by discussing the famous arts of humanity, the world-class resorts, the trends of our culture, the restaurants with five-year reservations!

one thing guys, does anyone think she seems to prefer acting fashionable, or prefer acting rich?
>>
No. 577192 ID: 186341
File 140195678293.png - (12.19KB , 800x600 , 36a.png )
577192

"Robes and headdresses, huh?" you say. "Like with feathers?"
"More bones than feathers," she says.
"I don't know if we have much bone accessories here but the variety sure is nice," you say. "You're into human culture, though?"
"Lately? Of course!" She pulls one leg up. "It's not very often you get a whole new cultural canon to sift through all at once. I have so much to digest! I thought I might go by culture and I tried British first, but there's a sizable gap to mind between Shakespeare and Sid Vicious."
"Which do you prefer?"
"I love it all. Such a vibrancy to your stories. There's less interiority, but there's so much more action! It's all so kinetic. So vibrant."
"What do you mean less interiority?"
"Visitor art is mostly done by Oculots, you know," says Polyphema. "And Oculots are invested in emotion and psyche a little more than humans, on average. There's a word in english, it's beautiful: Sonder. It's the realization that every single person you pass has thoughts, just like you, and feelings and emotions, and that you register as barely a thread in their mental tapestry. For humanity this is a great revelation, a reminder in fits and starts. Right? You'll be on the subway and not thinking about the faces around you as faces and then suddenly- you sonder."
"Yeah."
"That doesn't turn off for us," she says. "It's just not how our brains work. It's an empathy thing. So motivations in books are a good deal more important in Oculot literature, even for the minor characters. Minions, et cetera. Your popular entertainment has so many faceless mooks! Like bee drones. No motivation for them. It's a question of different scopes and it's a little bizarre."
>>
No. 577193 ID: 186341
File 140195678640.png - (9.75KB , 800x600 , 36.png )
577193

"That must be rough," you say.
"Oh, no!" says Polyphema. "It lets such different kinds of stories be told. I can always predict what is going to happen in an Oculot story. Human characters are so much less predictable. All it is is a different set of ideas. A different weltanschauung. You can learn a lot about people from what they let sneak into their stories, Zack. I've learned a lot about humans."
"What do you think?"
"They're brilliant, of course. Why do you think I'm going out with one? Do you like Oculots?"
"Are they all the same piquant mixture of classy-slash-sassy as you?"
She grins and cocks an eyebrow. "Maybe a dash less sassy and a pinch more classy."
"I want to know more about them. Do you want to know more about humans?"
"Always, doll."
You check the GPS. Five solid minutes before Taverna.
"Let's play a game," you say.
"I love games."
"My dimension your dimension. I say a thing about Earth and then you say the corresponding thing on the other side. And vice-versa."
"Brill," says Polyphema. She curls up her leg a little more. "You go first."
>>
No. 577194 ID: f0a5e4

Oceans. They're friggin huge. If you threw everything we've ever made all into the oceans all at once, you might raise the sea level a couple meters. Maybe.
Also, deep. Holy shit the stuff down there. We've heard tell of the megabeasts on your end, but we've got our share of microbeasts. Like the Bobbit worm. Or the irukandji. Tiny little reminders of nature's subtle bitchiness, and beauty, on a macroscopic scale.
The culture around the sea is fantastic. Solid millenia of nautical imagery and culture, from Odysseus to Cthulhu to The Fisherman to The Ancient Mariner, if there's something that relates to the human condition, odds are its been connected to the ocean somehow.
>>
No. 577195 ID: 3d177c

>>577193
Omelette.
Satire.
Sausage.
Politician.
Jail.
Vehicle.
>>
No. 577196 ID: 3d177c

>>577195
Actually scratch that Politician. No politics on the first date.
>>
No. 577202 ID: 256d52

Talk about food. About how people eat food I mean. Cooking at home, eating together, restaurants, all that sort of thing.
>>
No. 577203 ID: 53ba34

nasa
>>
No. 577224 ID: 321d85

"Sonder", huh? I've totally had that happen. You suddenly realize, "Hey, these are people."

Anyway, currently I best like the options of "ocean" and "manners of eating". Onto the stack I shall also throw...scented candles. They usually smell nice, but gave my dad a headache. Story: somebody came home to the scent of baking cookies, but it was only some new scented candles. Disappointing.
>>
No. 577231 ID: f461c5

>>577194
On that note, islands. The differences in culture are astounding, and a lot of weird quirks about human nature are shown by the way societies develop on them. For instance, humans are hard-wired to avoid snakes. On plenty of islands, though, there are no snakes to be seen, but we retain that imagery, so the cultures there began worshiping eels. Weird, that something that elicits the fear response would engender an attitude of reverence. But I guess it makes sense, considering what I'm doing right now.
>>
No. 577251 ID: ca0da5

>>577194
Let's go with this one. I like the idea of giving a short story of information, rather than a few words or sentences.
>>
No. 577252 ID: 57a559

I would like to ask about Dogs
Internet, or something close to it if they ever got there
David Bowie
Yes, I want to know if the universal constant of a form of David Bowie was there. Even if his name was like Daak Belwas or something.
Moon
Steak
>>
No. 577491 ID: 186341
File 140212516325.png - (12.20KB , 800x600 , 37.png )
577491

"My dimension: Oceans everywhere. They're crazy huge and crazy deep and we've been dealing with them for millennia. Have you ever read Moby Dick?"
"That was one of the first books I read! OCEANS. Can we go on a ship?"
"Maybe not one like in Moby Dick. I guess we could go to Mystic Seaport sometime. So your dimension?"
"It's a megacontinent," she says. "Like your Pangaea. There's ocean and islands on the edges but I lived near the center."
"What was that like?"
"Very purple. Beautiful purple dunes."
"Why were they purple?"
She shrugs and smiles. "They just were."
"Your turn."

"My dimension has a king. We call him the Kariket."
"A king of everything?"
"Everything his single eye surveils. A long time ago there was a splendid amount of different nations and peoples but by the time we encountered you it was the Kariket and only the Kariket."
"Not one civilization has ever ruled this dimension entirely."
She smirks. "You're a lucky dimension."
"How has it not collapsed in on itself by now?"
"It is collapsing. That's why you won."
"It was a truce."
She squeezes your arm. "You won. Your turn."

"When we eat it's with friends and people we're close to. If you break bread with people that means a lot."
"I love that," Polyphema says. "That sounds like Skut without the orgy."
"The what?"
"The orgy. Skut breed with unmatched intensity. Put six or seven in a room... well. Consider that if your Skut contact asks you for dinner with the family."
You swallow.
"Warriors," Polyphema says, "treat it like a competition. Who can eat the most? Who brought the best hors d'oeuvre?"
"I'm sensing a pattern with Warriors."
She giggles and squeezes your arm again. "You're a regular natural at this interdimensional diplomacy shindig."
"What about floaters?"
"They don't eat like we eat. They burn all their food."
"Like they overcook it?"
"Like they eat jet fuel, doll. They're very titchy about doing it on the ground, too. They prefer being in the air. Dining and dashing. Have you ever seen a floater flying close-up?"
"Not really. Usually they're dots."
"It's beautiful. They don't like to show much emotion, Floaters, but they can't hide how much they love to fly. And that blue flame."
"What about Oculots? How do you eat?"
"We eat," Polyphema says, "how we choose. Incidentally I choose to eat with you."
"Incidentally," You pull up the parking break. "We're here."
"Eeeee!" goes Polyphema.

1]] It's about a ten minute walk to Taverna. Polyphema will like a stroll.
2]] Walking around with an Oculot in a busy city is maybe more trouble than you're prepared for in a suit, and the government is comping you. Take a taxi.
>>
No. 577492 ID: 0ee153

1. Confidence all the way. Plus Polyphema might like the chance to make a few brain-frying jokes.
>>
No. 577499 ID: 7f9410

>>577491
1! Like hell are we gonna avoid a 10 minute walk.
>>
No. 577504 ID: 186341
File 140213125725.png - (12.90KB , 800x600 , 38.png )
577504

You take the streets.
People look at you. Some try to disguise the course corrections they take to stay out of Polyphema's path, but most don't.
"My dimension," says Polyphema. "There's a lot fewer headphones around. You can hear everyone's music more."
"You should have been here a few years earlier," you say. "My dimension: we tamed a bunch of early pack predators and made them snuggly little pet things through centuries of inbreeding and called them dogs."
"I love dogs," says Polyphema. "I want a pug."
"They're tiny."
"I know. I want a tiny little pug."
"If they sneeze too hard their eyeballs can pop out."
"They can?"
"I saw an Animal Planet thing on it."
"I want a corgi."

"Hey," says a guy who passes you in the crowd. "I got a one eyed monster for your one eyed monster."

You look back at him. He keeps walking, laughing to himself.
He's very big.
Polyphema is no longer smiling.

1]] Brush it off. Try to make light of it.
2]] Confront him.
3]] Give him a parting shot.
4]] Suggest that Polyphema explode his brain.
>>
No. 577506 ID: dcd676

2. It obviously had an affect on her, stand up for the poor girl.
>>
No. 577508 ID: 7f9410

>>577504
"Sorry buddy, I don't swing that way."
>>
No. 577511 ID: f9210b

>>577508
Oh lord you went there.
>>
No. 577520 ID: 57a559

>>577508
Nope nevermind you can't surpass this gold. Fuck my insults. Just fuck 'em.
We were once a participant in the D club in college, but that day has passed. One time we went up against a guy from a fencing club and our dick was sore for weeks.
>>
No. 577522 ID: 189a54

>>577508
I don't think it gets much better than that. You won't even have to worry about him trying to pick a fight, a burn like that has a good chance of stopping him cold at least long enough for the two of you to walk away.
>>
No. 577524 ID: 6868bc

4! 4 all the way. She's obviously not opposed to jokes about it, I doubt she'll take that kind of suggestion seriously, and it'll remind her that she's far more secure than that kind of remark might make her feel.
>>
No. 577538 ID: ca0da5

>>577524
Problem is she's upset now, she may not view it so much as a joke. I'd say offer to call a taxi if she really wants, but also suggest she not mind people too much.
>>577508
Of course, this is hard to pass up.
>>
No. 577554 ID: 2fc3e9

>>577508
Yeah, can't really top this.
>>
No. 577572 ID: 707a11

>>577506
>>577508
Perfect.
>>
No. 577573 ID: 707a11

>>577572
Er, wait, no, I meant as a parting shot.
>>
No. 577574 ID: 707a11

Actually, might be better to go full confidence mode and run with it. Get his attention enthusiastically.

"OH HEY! YOU WANNA FENCE DICKS? THAT SOUNDS AWESOME! HERE, LET'S GO!"

Then you start unzipping. That should really unsettle him/put him off balance, and if not, boom. Literal cock fighting. It'll be hilarious.
>>
No. 577576 ID: b3bae2

>>577574
Uhm

That's really not proper conduct while on a date

Let's just... stick to the parting shot, okay?
>>
No. 577577 ID: 2bd12c

I say apologize to the lady because she was supposed to be here to meet humans, not troglodytes.
Then be a gentleman and offer her first shot at melting his brain.
>>
No. 577580 ID: f0a5e4

Attacking his sexual security could go either way, and most of those ways are hilarious.
But stay ready for a plan B if he turns out to be jocktacular and has no sense of self-preservation. Not that I'm worried about Poly flipping her shit, but we may need to enlist aid of passerby using sass and class to make him look like an ass.
>>
No. 577582 ID: 707a11

>>577577
Oh that's probably classier.
>>
No. 577584 ID: 921be1

Give him the nature documentary blow off.

Ah, and here we have a bottom rank male of the the species. Note his inferior odor and mental capacity. Thus leading to his inability to mate. A common coping mechanism is to proposition females in such offensive ways that they reject him with the utmost hostility. This allows the male to delude itself that the woman is simply unpleasant, and thus deny any inadequacy in themselves
>>
No. 577613 ID: 321d85

Well, if it was me there, I'd probably opt for #1; letting him keep walking and just brush it off with some slightly muted joke to Polyphema, in the manner of
>>577577
or a rephrased version of
>>577508
like, "Unfortunately for him, I don't swing that way. *chuckle*"

However, that's MY style. Other concerns are that his comment may have significantly upset Polyphema, and perhaps one of the other options might help make her feel better. 2 might be the most rational.

...
>>577508
is extremely tempting, just for t3h sheer volume of lols, though it's against my better judgement.
>>
No. 577629 ID: 186341
File 140218500504.png - (8.62KB , 800x600 , 39.png )
577629

"Sorry, friend, I don't swing that way," you say, and keep walking.

"Hey."
Shit.
A rough push to your right shoulder spins you back around. He's grinning, dangerously.
"Are you calling me a faggot?"
"I'm"
"Because I'd rather be a faggot than an alien fucker. If that's what you're calling me."
His hand is still on your shoulder. His fingers dig into it.

"Stop." Polyphema steps between him and you. "Stop."
"Or what?" He lets go of your shoulder. "You going to melt my face off in public?"
He has said this loud enough that people are looking.
Nobody looks like they're about to come forward and say anything.

"Is it worth it?" asks Polyphema. He starts to move toward her. A sudden flash of brilliant polar light pulses in the center of Polyphema's eye.
"Is it worth it?" she asks again.

They stare at each other for about ten seconds before he turns around.
"Freak," he says. "Fucking freak."

Polyphema turns on her heel and strides away through the gathered crowd. They nearly stumble in their efforts to get out of their way.
You jog a little to catch up.

1]] Sorry. I thought we were taking a walk to a restaurant, not a nature safari.
2]] That was awesome. You saved my bacon.
3]] I'm sorry. I shouldn't have started that.
4]] ________
>>
No. 577630 ID: 189a54

>>577629
Go with 3, she seems a bit too upset to continue being clever.
>>
No. 577631 ID: ca0da5

4]] "Sorry, probably should have taken a taxi. Less time for my dimension, your dimension, but no freaks like that guy either. You okay?"
>>
No. 577633 ID: 2fc3e9

3.
>>
No. 577650 ID: c7a241

Sorry, and thanks. That didn't really go like I hoped it would.
>>
No. 577658 ID: 186341
File 140219433795.png - (10.89KB , 800x600 , 40.png )
577658

"Sorry about that," you say, jogging up to next to her. "I shouldn't have said anything."
"He shouldn't have said anything," says Polyphema. "Humans. Sorry."
"It's ok."
"I hate doing that."
"You saved my bacon."
"The Oculots were a ruling class," she says. "That never stops rattling me."
"He was a troglodyte."
"It's okay. It's to be expected." She sighs, heavily. "All the other Visitors, it's them who have the worst luck. Over on the Other Side they were labor, soldiers, that sort of thing. The middle and lower classes. Most of them emigrated because they thought they could escape it here. Anyone could be anything." She adjusts her hat. "Sometimes I feel we misjudged that one."
You keep walking in silence for a bit. You think about the tenements.
"That's not fair to you," she says. "It is better here, Zack. Much better. And if it were the other way around, and the humans were at the mercy of the Kariket..." She shivers. "It's better."

1]] You don't need to make excuses for us. Humans are jerks.
2]] I promise we're trying to be better. Most of us.
3]] Really? I haven't really seen any asshole Visitors around.
4]] Let's talk more about this Kariket guy.
5]] What about you? Why did you come over here?
6]] ___________
>>
No. 577661 ID: 2fc3e9

>>577658
3 and a reworked 2. Most Humans are okay with Visitors, we're used to war among ourselves.

4 and 5 a bit later. I get the feeling she dislikes the Kariket more than she lets on. Was he that bad?
>>
No. 577662 ID: 321d85

Not sure what she means by, "That never stops rattling me."

In any case, I lean heavily towards some form of #2, with maybe a smidgen of #1. Including maybe "get better" instead of "be better", perhaps? As the other way it could also be misinterpreted as "be better than YOU would have been" or something. You could also make references to how we've historically taken our sweet time overcoming human discrimination, but that we're making pretty good progress, I think.

Also, dang. That went about as well as should have been expected, which is to say, could probably have gone better. *sigh* It was just toooo tempting, though....
>>
No. 577663 ID: 2fc3e9

>>577662
>Not sure what she meant by "That never stops rattling me."

She mentioned she was part of the ruling class right before that and then that the other species were like slaves, so I'm assuming she's not used to disrespect.

>>
No. 577665 ID: c7a241

Hey, people are people, no matter how many eyes or arms or whatever they got. And people sometimes hold stupid grudges, or find themselves doing dumb things out of fear.

And hey, it's not like we haven't had our own share of bad eggs in charge of things in the past. It being better is a relatively new thing, historically.
>>
No. 577670 ID: 0e5a5e

6: Offer hug, it seems like she might need it.

followed by 2
>>
No. 577673 ID: 7f9410

>>577658
What did she do with her eye to get him to back off? Was that just a flash of light? What else can she do with it?
>>
No. 577677 ID: 186341
File 140220118910.png - (8.31KB , 800x600 , 41.png )
577677

You put an arm around her shoulder.
She hesitates for a second then wraps hers around your waist. She smiles a little.
"We're trying to do better," you say. "You know, though. People are people with however many arms and eyeballs. We get scared. We're a lot better than we were!"
She raises an eyebrow.
"Historically," you say.

Taverna is very ritzy. The lighting is gold-colored and so are a lot of the accouterments. It's all greco-roman themed, but not in a tacky way.
At the front desk a lady in a white dress shirt is taking people in a short line, checking in reservations with an ipad. She sees you, turns her head about 45 degrees, and says something into a little bluetooth headpiece.
"Welcome to Taverna," she says, brightly. "Do you have a reservation?"
"No," you say. "We're walk-in."
"Oooh," she says. "There's kind of a wait."
"That's okay."
"It's kind of around an hour. Um. Should we call you?"

This place is not operating at capacity. You have worked in restaurants enough to know what is going on here.

1]] Brush her off and go sit in one of the very clearly available tables.
2]] Call her out. You've had enough of this sort of thing tonight.
3]] Tell her this is a government dinner.
4]] Leave.
>>
No. 577678 ID: 7f9410

>>577677
3.
>>
No. 577681 ID: 189a54

>>577677
2 and 3, followed by 1. Knock the jerk down a peg and then move on to enjoy some ritzy cuisine.
>>
No. 577683 ID: 2fc3e9

>>577681
As satisfying as that would be, messing with restaurant staff rarely ends well, and i think Polyphema's had enough complications for the night. Go with 3, maybe 1 and almost certainly not 2 if she continues.
>>
No. 577686 ID: 14faaf

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were so busy." At that point you pointedly glance in the direction of some empty tables. "How firm is this estimate of an hour, and what time slots could there be available for a reservation later this evening?"
>>
No. 577687 ID: 321d85

I'm thinking we should try to resolve this in a reasonable, persuasive manner, if possible. You could say something like, "Oh, but surely we can sit, say, at that empty table there? Why, indeed, only HALF of these tables are occupied, at all!" My feeling is that Polyphema may be able to add some convincing dialog in her own right, be terribly charming and eloquent and sophisticated and all that jazz. Perhaps you could put up a (perfectly mundane) fuss about having gotten all dressed up (you DID, right? Polyphema seems to have, at least), and all.

Now, it'd be nice not to resort to basically pulling rank, but would I be right in guessing that there are some kind of anti-discrimination laws in place? And that perhaps you could hint that you and/or your visit tonight are not without federal connections?

Again, it would be REALLY NICE if we could get this settled without making open accusations or anyone getting actually angry or trying to force the situation because "you're discriminating" or because "government". However, it may be worth doing, if tact doesn't work. Depends on what Polyphema is thinking. See if you can gauge whether that'd ruin dinner for her. Maybe see if you can subtly ask her, even.

However, if possible, in making a decision it'd be helpful to more clearly know your understanding of the situation. How much of this is company procedure, vs. she doesn't want to let you in? It would help determine the kind of arguments and tactics you should use.
>>
No. 577688 ID: 321d85

And if you end up leaving and Polyphema is visibly sad, make sure to give the desk lady a hurt look as you walk out that says, "Now that was just downright mean."
>>
No. 577690 ID: 7f9410

I'd like to note that the empty tables might be reserved. They DO have to keep them empty ahead of time.
>>
No. 577696 ID: f0a5e4

Yeah, let's try handling this with tact before we pull out our gubments on her. I honestly can't tell whether she's an officious little shit, or a bigoted little shit. Doesn't matter.
She made a mistake the moment she thought she could pull one over on a fellow table tender.
>>577690
Also true. If it turns out she's just being bureaucratic as fuck (which seems unlikely), we can always take a jaunt down the street and grab a pre-dinner snack like ice cream, but we run the risk of meeting more racist fucks.
>>
No. 577697 ID: 57a559

>>577658
I got a good 5
Humans have been tearing into their own kind like they've done to visitors too. From fighting over the color of their skin to religion to sexuality. Like, that guy was probably a homophobic person because he still took insult to that snide joke. Admittedly saying "I don't swing that way" to him as a joke was also homophobic on our part too. So, actually, yeah we lost some moral foreground there. Not much different.

This type of thing was bound to happen once vistors started visiting. Inevitable really. But things will change mostly for the better. The majority will unfortunately always rule, and oppress minor factions it seems, but it's good to try, even if nature won't ever allow for 100% respectability for everyone from everyone. Vistors will be eventually equated the various types of human minor factions, sans the fact they all have super powers and are generally superior in individual combat and all humans should probably know better NOT to oppress or annoy super powered sentients.

Seriously cannot believe no one really thinks about that.
I mean, like, dude. You're PROBABLY gonna die if it gets too heated, and then a bunch of other people when the visitor gets desperate and tries to defend itself against the law when the law comes, I mean sure, eventually the law's going to win but at WHAT cost, stupid humans. What cost. Would they ever think of pissing off the Hulk, Cyclops, Iron Man, or... the Marvel equivalent of a Skut.
>>
No. 577698 ID: 2fc3e9

>>577697
That's cool and all but you're way too late. Plus, according to said super-powered sentient, we actually won against them.
>>
No. 577701 ID: c7a241

Variant on 3. What's the point of your current operating budget if you can't use it to bribe your way into getting a table? (Possibly include some snazzy dialog from 2, so you can pretend it's not really a bribe, give them polite plausible deniability).

...next time get a reservation, though, doof. You arranged this in advance, and you can afford it.
>>
No. 577702 ID: f0a5e4

>>577701
....very astute. Shall we see if Benjamin Franklin can triumph over racial superiority?
>>577697
I saw it as less "haha fag," and more of a redirection so his misogynistic racist garbage was directed as us, not Poly. The idea was that he wouldn't be confident enough to continue to put his head up his ass, but we misjudged his level of fuckwaddery and he redirected it right the fuck back.
Wit's a lot like tennis, or volleyball. If you put everything you got into one line, you're shit outta luck if they send it back at you.
>>
No. 577706 ID: 321d85

>>577701
HMMmmm, excellent idea; that's the kind of solution that I was looking for but couldn't think of.

We could still be really smooth about it, too - "Oh, dear, are you SURE there aren't any open tables? My fine lady friend here was so hoping to sample your delicious cuisine. Are you sure I can't...persuade you to check again?" as you slip her...what, a 50? 100? Any idea what's appropriate to the situation?
>>
No. 577707 ID: ca0da5

>>577677
I don't fully like these four options. You've got some pay in wallet already, right? If so, you can ask if payment for swifter service is a policy here. If she comes anywhere close to calling it a bribe, look at her with a serious face, "If that's what you would consider it, then no, I wouldn't pay." If she doesn't think of it as a bribe, however, then that's your ticket in.

If you don't have any on-hand cash for the task, then >>577687
>"Oh, but surely we can sit, say, at that empty table there? Why, indeed, only HALF of these tables are occupied, at all!"
Let's word this a bit more charmingly: "I'm guessing the kitchen's short staffed right now," with a gesture to an empty table, "but could we sit there while we wait? I mean, an hour's a long time to just stand around."

(Putting this into color because it might be worth doing anyways, opinions?)
>>
No. 577786 ID: 186341
File 140226640980.png - (11.90KB , 800x600 , 42.png )
577786

"That's a long wait," you say.
"Umm, yeah," the hostess says.
"Can I ask you to check again?" you ask.
"Oooh. Well," she says. "I, um."
"Can my good friend Ulysses ask you?"
You slip a fifty dollar bill onto the counter.
"Ummm. I'll check, actually. Maybe someone's, um, cancelled. Could you wait a second?"
You nod and the hostess scurries back toward presumably her manager, finger on her earpiece.

"Greasing some palms," you tell Polyphema. "This happens all the time."
"Money is so much more powerful here than There," says Polyphema. "What's backing it up?"
"What do you mean?"
"The cash on the Other Side was based on Warrior Mercenaries," she says.
"That's cool."
"What does this stand on?"
"Sheer belief," you say.
"Wow," says Polyphema, as the waitress returns.

"Um, we found seats for you," says the hostess. "Can I take your, um, hat?"
She leads you and Polyphema to a table and hands out menus. You look at them and you can feel your wallet tremble in your pocket. You're going to want to save the receipt for this one.
"Humans are all so eccentric!" Polyphema opens her menu. "I can't stay mad at them. Look!" She flips it over and points at an entry. "Sheep brains!"
You squint. "It's all in Greek."
"Are you not fluent?" Polyphema fans herself with her menu. She grins. "Tut tut, Zack."
"You speak Greek?"
"Λιγάκι," says Polyphema. "English, Greek, Italian, Spanish, French, Oculotti, Skutti, Garaktonnik, and Zhimmish."
"Damn," you say, scooting out of the waitress' way a little as she fills your water up.
"Garaktonnik is the primary visitor language but it pays to diversify." She kicks you a little under the table. "I'm bragging. Stop me next time."
"It's very impressive."
"A life well-lived is an avalanche. You pick things up, here and there." She puts the menu down. "I'm getting the brains. I've never had brain. You want me to order for you?"
You squint at the Greek. "That would probably be best," you say.

1]] Get the waitress' attention.
2]] They'll be here when they're here. This is a good time for small talk (about what?)
>>
No. 577788 ID: 57a559

>>577786
2
Are Oculot's good learners, or excel at learning language? Human's would have a tough time handling that many, even Europeans. Does she work as an interpreter?
Got hobbies besides reading a learning? Perhaps a guilty pleasure or two?
>>
No. 577790 ID: c7a241

>You look at them and you can feel your wallet tremble in your pocket.
Just repeat this mantra after me: six digit salary.

>what do
Talk. We aren't in no rush, and she's good at banter.
>>
No. 577796 ID: 2fc3e9

At some point, we should probably tell her a bit about ourselves and flesh out Zack's personality, backstory, and the like.

Ask if most Oculots learn as many languages as she does or if it's a family thing or just her herself. I'm a bit curious about her family, and I'm a bit curious about Zack's too.
>>
No. 577798 ID: 186341
File 140226958028.png - (9.50KB , 800x600 , 43.png )
577798

"Are Oculots particularly good at picking up languages?" you ask.
"If you're multilingual young, you get the knack for it," says Polyphema. "Most Oculots are taught Oculotti and Garaktonnik from birth. There's an elasticity it gives you. I can tell you that English is my favorite."
"Really?"
"The mix of high romantic and low germanic gives it such a breadth of choice! I love English poetry the best. It's so much harder to rhyme than Italian or Garaktonnik. It makes them more wrought out."
"What about freeverse?"
"I'm not fond of freeverse, if I'm going to be honest. Do you like Wordsworth?"
"I never learned much about the romantics."

"A Slumber did my spirit seal;
I had no human fears:
She seem'd a thing that could not feel
The touch of earthly years," says Polyphema.

"No motion has she now, no force;
She neither hears nor sees;
Roll'd round in earth's diurnal course
With rocks, and stones, and trees."
"That's beautiful."
"Thank you, doll," says Polyphema. "But I didn't write it. Old Wordsworth. That one's so much better than Intimations of Immortality."
"Do you have any hobbies besides reading?"
"Oh, loads," she says. "On the other side I did a lot of skutti spear fencing, if you can believe it. I thought I looked ridiculous, but someone must have liked it, because there was this floater producer who insisted I be a model."
"Really?"
"It was dreadful. I ate a grape or two a day until I got fed up with it and decided to try singing instead. And from there I learned a few instruments, a couple more languages, how to sculpt a banana with my tongue, and Garaktonni firehoop dancing, which is a kind of erotic temple thing I was mildly terrible at because I only have two arms. It was endless fun, though."
"Jesus. You've done a lot," you say. "How have you had the time?"

"Well." Polyphema sits back. "How old are you, Zack?"
>>
No. 577799 ID: ca0da5

>>577790
You could maybe ask about a few things and compare them. Sort of a weaker, one-sided Your Dimension My Dimension. Maybe mention a bit of history on the money: it originated as a form of "IOU" or voucher for gold nuggets that you never really would see, they probably still have some somewhere, but the fact that most people don't even know about the gold means it's more that we're brought up to believe it's worth so much, therefore it is worth that much.
>>
No. 577800 ID: c7a241

>"Well." Polyphema sits back. "How old are you, Zack?"
Be honest. (I'm guessing somewhere in his 20s or maybe 30s? Hard to place a silhouette). I suddenly get the implication the answer is "less than you".
>>
No. 577801 ID: 2fc3e9

I'm guessing Zack is early-to-middle 20-something. Let me guess, Oculots are long-lived and she's really 400 years old or something? That'll be interesting.
>>
No. 577803 ID: ca0da5

>>577798
Of course I'd wind up posting just shortly afterwards...
Probably somewhere between 28 and 34. Humans have a life-expentancy of about 80 years, though there have been those who lived up to 120. Rarely older than that.
>>
No. 577804 ID: ca0da5

>>577803
Oh, and don't ask what her age is, human custom says not to after all. You can say "How old do Oculots typically grow to be? I'll not ask your specific age, since it's considered rude among humans."
>>
No. 577807 ID: 7f9410

>>577798
...

23.
>>
No. 577808 ID: 0e5a5e

26, almost 27 (she's invited to the party, there will be balloons)
>>
No. 577809 ID: 2eb028

wait what was that about the banana? i think i heard something about a tongue?
>>
No. 577815 ID: 40935b

Around 22, wh-
>sculpt a banana with my tongue
wait, wait, back up a little. One of these things is not like the others.
>>
No. 577816 ID: 186341
File 140227393014.png - (8.94KB , 800x600 , 44.png )
577816

You are given pause for a moment.

"Are you two ready to order?" asks the waitress, stepping into the silence.
"Could I get this, please?" Polyphema points to it.
"That is, uh, that's lamb's brain," says the waitress.
"I know!" says Polyphema, cheerfully. "Zack, do you eat meat?"
"Sure."
"And for my date could he have the ortikia skara? With dolmades to start."
"Of course. To drink?"
"Something for the table, Zack?"
"Why not?"
"Could we get a bottle of Retsina? You have to try Retsina."
"Right away," says the waitress, picking up a menu.
"And this is a strange request," says Polyphema. "But could you also bring out a banana?"
"A banana?"
"Yes. Just a banana." Polyphema winks (blinks) at you. "With the main course."
"I'll ask," says the waitress. "I'm sure it'll be okay."

"Ortikia skara is quail," explains Polyphema as the waitress takes her leave. "You'll love it. So how old are you? I didn't just order wine for a minor, did I, darling?"

"I'm 26, cresting on 27," you say.
"Then I hope you like older women," says Polyphema. "Because I'm 326."

1]] Wow.
2]] Bullshit.
3]] You don't look a day over 300.
4]] I prefer older women.
5]] Is that a common Oculot age?
6]] You must have seen a lot.
7]] I suddenly feel very young.
8]] _________
>>
No. 577818 ID: 2eb028

>>577816
you're fucking with me, aren't you
>>
No. 577819 ID: 7f9410

>>577816
Aaaaa I knew something like this was coming. Fuckin' lifespan cheaters.

5]] Is that a common Oculot age?
Also
8]] How did she deal with living that long before having this entire new world to explore? Many humans just get tired of life after getting old. Everything becomes routine.
>>
No. 577820 ID: 40935b

2 and 3
>>
No. 577822 ID: 53ba34

let your jaw drop slightly. also ask if they grow slower. like, humans are mostly grown around 20. what do they need?
>>
No. 577824 ID: 707a11

>>577816
3, then after privately chuckling, "Wow, that's pretty amazing! How long do Oculots typically live?"
>>
No. 577830 ID: 0ee153

3. Then chuckle a bit and ask if this was another test, or if the testing is over for the night.
>>
No. 577833 ID: 6868bc

Inform her that she looks *much* nicer than any human her age ever has. This could actually make for an interesting conversation about how a culture where all the lifespans seem ridiculously limited differs in their art and culture.
>>
No. 577834 ID: c7a241

>>577820
Yup.
>>
No. 577852 ID: 321d85

>>577824
Yeah, something like that.

Hmm, is the Oculot lifespan related to how they were a ruling class?

Wait, how long ago was contact made? Like...20 years or something? She still knows like 5 human languages! I mean, I guess that would be feasible, if she studied with reasonable diligence....
>>
No. 577856 ID: 7f9410

>>577852
5 years since the war ended. One year per language isn't too bad.
>>
No. 577857 ID: c7a241

Wait, if she's 300, how long does that mean they're stuck as kids. Just imagine how long the teenage phase drags on. Or a decade of terrible twos.
>>
No. 577863 ID: dfc5cf

>>577857
The terrible two decades, of course.
>>
No. 577873 ID: f0a5e4

>>577852
>>577856
Don't forget, she was into cross-cultural analysis even before the war, and the way she puts it, the sheer amount of new culture must have been irresistable to a cultural bon vivant. Still, she could hardly start learning during the war, unless she was in military intelligence...
...but either way, that's pretty bloody impressive.
But note that you could be on a date with the female, alien, cougar, alternate dimension version of James Bond. Fashion sense included.
>>
No. 577875 ID: 186341
File 140229587536.png - (7.22KB , 800x600 , 45.png )
577875

"Wow," you say. "Bull-shit. Really?"
"Really truly."
"You don't look a day over 300."
She beams. Her toe brushes your leg again. "Charmer."
"If first contact was twenty three years ago, that's still a new human language every five years."
"It's really a knack," she says. "After English everything else was much easier."
"You look much nicer than any human your age."
"Which is to say a skeleton?"
"Essentially. How does it not get boring?"
"How can something as astonishingly amazingly full of things as life get boring?" she asks. "The new people! The places! The food! The- well, if I wasn't very wealthy I could see it happening, but even poor Oculots can go on and on with people. We love them. Everyone's different, Zack. We're all special. It's a sophomoric sentiment but it's a deeply, deeply true one."
"How long do you live?"
"Eight hundred, nine hundred. About ten times as long as humans."
"How long were you a kid? Were the terrible twos the terrible twenty years?"
She laughs. "No. I grew up in about twenty years or so. That's about how long it takes for humans, isn't it?"
"More or less."
"The next thirty or so years we spend on our nervous system, brains, et cetera. Perfecting the headbursting we do so infamously. Did you know: That dirty little trick is actually how Oculots communicate? It's just too much for a non-Oculot mind to handle. Essentially we shouted you to death."
"That's how you talk?"
"It's so much more vivid than talking," she says. "It's this- Amazingly intimate kind of mind-link. It sends and receives so much heartbreakingly beautiful stuff. Raw sensory-- stuff. Like a memory, but closer to the heart than the head." She sighs. "I wish you could do it, Zack. There are so few Oculots on this side. The kind of poetry you can send over the circuitry of another person's mind. Communication and didacticism and poetry, all at once. Of course if I tried it with you I'd talk your ear off. And also the rest of your cranium." She sticks a finger in her mouth and makes a popping noise. "The deepest kind of tragedy we turned it into a weapon. Well, that's war for you."
"It sounds intense."
"It was. Do you know, it's a two-way street? Whenever you crack a head, you get feedback."
"What kind of feedback?"
"Last thoughts. Bits of memories," she says. Her eye looks very far away. "That sort of thing. And how it feels to die." She snaps back to reality. "I'm spoiling dinner."
"This is deeply interesting. It's no problem."
"Well I'm certainly spoiling my dinner." She takes her napkin and fans it into her lap. "I'm having brains, remember?"

You're doing the same with your napkin when your phone starts buzzing in your pocket.

It's GG.

1]] Let it go.
2]] Let it go then text her back.
3]] Excuse yourself for a quick second to take this.
4]] Tell Polyphema you're going to the john.
>>
No. 577877 ID: 0ee153

>>577875
Do you actually need to go to the john? If so, 4 and use a stall to piss or whatever it is. If not, excuse yourself, since this looks government-related. It's true, GG is government-related, after all.
>>
No. 577879 ID: 57a559

>>577875
4 most polite way to do it
>>
No. 577880 ID: dcd676

I'm going to say 2; we really want to focus on the conversation at hand and I imagine if she's lived as long as she says she has, Polyphema likely know that someone who ducks out on the first date probably does so a lot. Not a good example.
>>
No. 577881 ID: 0ee153

>>577880
True, but two things. If he actually does have to go to the bathroom, no one I know of objects to their dates having to do that. And this actually is an important call, what with the entire truce between species thing, six-figure salary, and GG.

Let me put it this way, is it going to go over well if we ignore GG's call? The same logic you used could be applied to people too busy to answer calls.
>>
No. 577885 ID: 7f9410

>>577875
Ah, the complications of dating more than one person at a time. I think we may want to stick with two girls until either we've satisfied our obligations with one of them (not sure exactly what qualifies for that) or we set up some rules to keep dates and such from conflicting. Maybe we can just straight up email the other girl(s) when a date is coming up so they know not to call you during that time.
Go with 1]]
A missed call isn't the end of the world, while texting during dinner is rude (a short enough text to not be very rude to Polyphema would also be sortof rude to GG) and leaving to take a call is for high-priority calls. As awesome as GG is I don't think she counts as higher priority than Polyphema.

Unless you actually do have to go to the bathroom. Then just kill two birds with one stone.
>>
No. 577886 ID: 0ee153

I suggest you start thinking of waterfalls, geysers, sprinkler systems, rain, and lots and lots of waves.
>>
No. 577890 ID: ca0da5

>>577881
Maybe say, "Ah hell," but put the phone away before continuing, "government. Nothing so urgent I have to duck out just now, but if they keep calling I'll have to tell them I'm busy."
If Polyphema suggests you go ahead and give them a reason right away, cock an eye-brow at her. "You sure about that? I don't want to go starting a full on conversation with them just because they don't get what's going on."
Besides, it's GG. Dominance. Don't let her get the upper hand. If you do get insisted to tell her you're busy, or if she keeps calling, then send a message saying "Busy. Call tomorrow." and then MUTE the phone. You can decide how to treat the message to her tomorrow when she does call back or you call her back.
>>577886
If you end up forcing yourself to have to rush to the bathroom, you'll just look weird. Mainly 'cause you had plenty chance before picking Polyphema up.
>>
No. 577891 ID: 321d85

I was gonna say 2, but
>>577885
gives some good reasons for 1. If she then texts you...hmm, maaaaybe check it briefly in a lull in the conversation.

>>577890
Yeah, but it seems to me like dropping what you're doing to answer their call doesn't really spell "dominance", anyway.
>>
No. 577892 ID: 2eb028

>>577875
never touch a phone while in eyesight of your date, it's rude!
>>
No. 577893 ID: dfc5cf

>>577875
You know, that brain-linking info-share thing sounds awesome. Maybe our respective governments/science-y whatevers can work together to find a way to tone down the info stream to one the human mind can handle.
Even ignoring the intimate implications of that possibility, surely any tech involved could lead to other useful applications.
>>
No. 577895 ID: f0a5e4

Oh geez, called it. Ex-military. Might wanna leave that be for now, psychic ptsd is not first date casual chatter. Although I am curious whether military service was mandatory, because it sounds like everyone was expected to serve the gubments in some way.
Might wanna leave the phone alone too, but I'd advise checking the text to see if it's urgent, either discreetly or with an apology. If it's nothing urgent, we wanna wait on sending a reply. If it [i]is[i/i] urgent, well that's a whole different can of beans and bullshit.
>>
No. 577897 ID: c7a241

4's out, because your date has ears and isn't an idiot. Other people can tell when your phone starts buzzing.

You can either politely excuse yourself without lying, or let it go. You don't have a good option to hide it from her.
>>
No. 577898 ID: 0ee153

Yeah, 1 might be the best option now that I've gotten some sleep.
>>
No. 577900 ID: 18f161

1. Missing a call is no big deal, hit her up when the date ends. I do hope you've been texting her between the last date and now, or at least that it's only been a day or two at most.
>>
No. 577902 ID: 40935b

No cell phones at the table you philistine.
>>
No. 577905 ID: ca0da5

>>577891
>Yeah, but it seems to me like dropping what you're doing to answer their call doesn't really spell "dominance", anyway.
Good point, just mute it and call her back later, then. No need to say anything more than "Sorry, muted it so it won't interrupt again." GG doesn't seem like the type who would get all huffy over not getting an immediate answer, anyways.
If Polyphema asks what it was, just say it was a friend, nothing urgent. Their needs can wait until tomorrow, "tonight is about you."
>>
No. 577930 ID: a7868d

It's definitely one, not only because you are on a date and it's just skeevy to do that kind of thing, but also because the person calling you is a warrior. Not taking the call is exactly how you should handle a warrior the day after a first date.
>>
No. 577968 ID: 186341
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577968

"Shoot." You silence your phone.
Polyphema grins. "The old ball and chain?"
"Work stuff," you say. "Sorry about that. It's a little less elegant than brain linking."
"Elegance is relative," Polyphema says. "Cell phones are fantastic."
"Do you not have them over There?"
"Nothing so compact and accessible," she says. "Technology is guarded and ritualized. You want to send a text, you need to ask permission first and, oh" She waves her hand. "Light a candle or something. It's puerile. For about two hundred years everyone walked on eggshells There."
You sip your water. "Are things different now?"
"They're starting to be, thanks to the war," says Polyphema. "For one thing, a great many Oculots died."
"Sorry."
"Water under the bridge." She pats your hand. "I'm still here, aren't I? So the positions they once occupied were taken over by Warriors or even lesser Visitors as temporary stopgaps while the Kariket tries desperately to pop out more Oculot babies, and those Visitors are realizing just how simple we all pretended our jobs weren't. This little soiree was the first war the Kariket didn't win. I'm not exactly abreast of the latest goings-on on the Other Side, of course. I have washed my hands of the place. Auf wiedersehen."
"Do you ever miss it?"
"Do I miss being alien royalty? Of course. Sometimes. Do I regret a thing? Never." Polyphema walks her hand up your arm and idly brushes something off your shoulder. "The energy of Humanity is infectious. We've stagnated for centuries. You can blame empire for that. And a certain kind of sluggishness that can crop up in a long life, if you're not careful."
"You don't seem sluggish at all."
She shrugs. "I try to be careful. But you- I've read the histories, the tragedies, the poetics. So much vivid, wild stuff has happened on Earth. I wish I had gotten here sooner. You have gorgeous eyes, Zack."
"Thanks." That was out of left field.
"I love hazel. Do you know- ooo! Brains!"

The waitress lays a plate of beautifully garnished grey-pink goop in front of Polyphema. "I'll be right out with your ortikia skara, sir. And the Retsina."

You check your phone really quick as the waitress arranges the food.
GG's texted you:
:warrior: Ay Z
:warrior: what r u up to tonight? hang with me
:warrior: i mean do you want to hang? <--- this is how humans talk
:warrior: oh r u working tonight? oh
:warrior: ;P
:warrior: take me somewhere tomorrow or ill rip u in half
:warrior: in a very affectionate way
:warrior: i hope you have your phone silenced
:warrior: beep beep

"Thank you so much," calls Polyphema, pulling out her fork. "Hmmmmmmm. Brains."
"Have you ever had them before?"
"Never." She observes a pink glob slink down her fork. "You know how time has a way of speeding up, as you get older?"
"I've noticed, yeah."
"The cure for that," she says, "is to try every single new thing that comes your way."
She pops the brain into her mouth and chews. "Mmh. Hmmm. Hm." She shrugs her spiny shoulders. "Hmmm."
"I don't know how to interpret that reaction."
"Me neither." She gets another forkful. "Quick: While my gob has finally been shut for a moment. Get a word in edgewise. I want to know more about you, darling."

1]] Tell her about your past.
2]] Tell her about the music you like.
3]] Tell her about your favorite book.
4]] Tell her about that time in Anchorage with the moose.
5]] Tell her about your beliefs.
6]] Tell her about whatever. Flesh yourself out more.
>>
No. 577974 ID: 0ee153

1 and especially 4, specifically.
>>
No. 577984 ID: 707a11

>>577968
She's flirting with you like the self-assured, mature woman she is and it's turning me the fuck on, and I'm not even on the receiving end of it.

Tell her that no doubt fascinating anecdote about the moose. I doubt the details will matter much. I get the the feeling that this will be one of those stories where you lose the thread of it somewhere between staring close at her eye and pressing your calf against hers. It's about to get hot in here.
>>
No. 577985 ID: 707a11

Oh, and if this is exposition-by-us time, you studied poetry in college. You still do readings sometimes.
>>
No. 577987 ID: 7f9410

>>577968
3]] Tell her about your favorite book.
She's classy. Demonstrate your class (or lack of it).
>>
No. 577988 ID: 14faaf

She is classy, but she wants new experiences so talking about a moose attack is an interesting place to start.

And maybe we should explain about how there were over a dozen catfights over who was allowed to ask us out on a date during high school: Polyphema might be amused by the story of why we don't feel as threatened by bewilderingly-powerful women as other guys.
>>
No. 577992 ID: ca0da5

>>577985
Zach already stated he didn't know about some of the "better" (as stated by Polyphema) works of poetry, so if he studied poetry he didn't get too far into it.
I'd think he's more of a sculptor, where art is concerned. Maybe not top grade but they're decent. Probably where he met Anika, too, in art classes, though don't go into too much detail about that unless she actively shows an interest in Anika.
>>
No. 577993 ID: 9ddf68

well compared to you all I have are cliff notes but if you want to hear a bit about me I guess I could indulge you.

I've never really been much for all the more high end stuff, and only have had a casual interest in some of the classics but not because I harbor any dislike for them (mostly) but more because I've always been a believer of the saying "you're only young once" so I've always tried more physical things figuring I can always gain a larger interest in more classical and high brow things as I got older and started slowing down but that doesn't really work the other way around so there's that. Truth be told I'm more of the type of guy who will try anything once and twice if I like it. Some examples would be free running, did a bit of racing in my youth if you can call some dumb kids seeing how fast they can get their mom's cars to go down a country road after they got the driver license racing, Hell even tried some table top RPGs some of my friends did form time to time. If someone asked me if I wanted to come to something I usually said yes. As for why... parents were a bit controlling and having a "perfect" older sister that set the bar to an unreasonable standard didn't help so whenever I could brake away I took the chance. And it's lead me down some interesting paths like this one time in Anchorage with this moose...
>>
No. 577997 ID: 52cfab

Talk about John Locke she might be interested in his philosophy and it wold be nice to impress her.
>>
No. 578006 ID: ebc77d

>>577968
5]] Tell her about your beliefs.
You follow the Tao of Peter Parker.
I don't think she heard of that yet.
>>
No. 578016 ID: 40935b

Not 4 yet. We're not drunk enough.

3 sounds like a good place to start; make some suggestions on books she might like.
>>
No. 578124 ID: 186341
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578124

"Well in college I was a Sociology major," you say. "And sculpture minor, if you'll believe it."
"Mmm?" Polyphema takes another forkful of brain.
"Yeah. My friend Anika kind of forced me into it. And then there of course was my older sister, majoring in Neuro and doing it effortlessly while I'm covered in clay every night. I, um."

Polyphema has stretched her leg out to rest it between yours. She must have taken her heels off at some point. You feel her toe rubbing the top of your shoe.

"Sculpture?" she says. "Very artistic, Zack."
"Yeah." You clear your throat. "By the time I graduated I was focusing almost as much on my minor as on my major. By the time I graduated I had no idea what I wanted to do. I got a job in a gallery for a while, and that was enough for an apartment in Brooklyn, but it closed down after a while."
"That's so sad." Polyphema's foot is moving up your leg. She rests it on your shin. It's very warm. "A gallery closing is like an old genius, passing away. Even if the work survives, there's something we all lose. Was it the war?"
"The war, the economy." You barely notice your food has arrived. Polyphema doesn't stop staring at you as she takes her next bite. She leaves the fork in her mouth and sucks on it for a few seconds. "Um. Then I wandered for a while. I came into some money from my grandma passing away and my sister wanted me to get out of my funk, so I went out west with some friends. We sort of roadtripped out to the west coast. There was a thing in Utah where I accidentally kicked a priest."
"Retsina?" asks Polyphema.
"What?" Her foot is absent.
"Wine?"
"Oh, sure."
Polyphema pours you a glass. "Go on," she says, settling back.
"Anyway I ended up in Anchorage. And there was this moose. Have you ever seen a moose?"
"Only in pictures," says Polyphema.
"Well let me tell you: pictures don't capture how huge moose are. They're really just gigantic. We were driving and it was right in the middle of the road, and my friend Alan leans on the horn, but, uh."
Her foot's back. It traces along the inside of your calf. You catch a sliver of wine-red tongue licking the bottom of her fork clean.
"But it's not moving." You take a sip of Retsina. Polyphema takes a significantly more substantial one. "It just looks at us and goes like: Woooooon."

You break out your five star moose impersonation as Polyphema puts down her glass. She laughs so hard some of the wine goes up her nose. "Oh, god." She covers her mouth.

"And Gary, who is big into this thing parkour, says: I'm going to ride the moose."
"No."
"He gets out, and he needs to stand on top of the car, this is how big that moose is." Polyphema has recovered. Her foot moves very slowly up and down your leg. You haven't touched your quail. The banana is lying next to it.
"And he leaps," you say, ignoring your boner, "and his arms are around this thing's neck, this huge thing, and you should never ever try this, this thing is as big as a minivan on stilts and its neck is huge and it has huge horns, and it bolts. Gary's holding on for dear life, and we're like, shit, oops, I shouldn't say that in here, and Alan floors it, and we're chasing this panicking moose down the highway with Gary on top of it, screaming his head off."

"How did you save him?" Polyphema's foot is right on top of your knee, her toes tapered and graceful against your thigh. You can almost see it under the table.
Thank God you have the napkin in your lap.

"We didn't. We were like, you have to jump! You need to jump on the car! Trying to pull up level to this giant moose, and he's going no no no no tell my mom I loved her and then all of a sudden the moose just stops. In its tracks. Bolt upright and entirely still. And Gary falls off of it like a rag doll, and just curls up on the ground. And the moose just looks at him, I swear, and goes Wooooooon."

Polyphema cracks up again. The foot drops.

"And then it's gone. Into the forest."

"Can I just say," says Polyphema, "that even if I wasn't in danger of getting it permanently stuck up my nose, it is very hard to seductively eat brains."

1]] Laugh.
2]] Well you managed it.
3]] Were you even listening?
4]] Pass the Retsina.
5]] Tell another story.
6]] Your turn. Tell me a story about the Other Side.
7]] Oh, look! The banana's here.
>>
No. 578125 ID: ac14c0

>>578124
1]].
7]].

Also maybe 5]].
>>
No. 578129 ID: 6780f8

1, 2, and 6, I think. Like, "Hah! Well, you're doing a pretty good job. How about you? Did you ever go on any crazy road trips or anything?" Begin eating your quail, but remain attentive, of course.
>>
No. 578133 ID: 0ee153

>>578129
Sounds good. Any chance you can pull off anything like she did?

Also, might want to keep an eye out for any more bigots. Or people who might just object to people playing footsie in public.
>>
No. 578135 ID: ca0da5

>>578133
>Also, might want to keep an eye out for any more bigots. Or people who might just object to people playing footsie in public.
No way, man, forget that.
>>578129
As a man you can't really do much stuff seductive when it comes to eating (except maybe licking the slits between the prongs of the fork okay wow that sounded WAY more suggestive than it had any right to be) but you've got the charm to play her game right back at her while she tells a story. Now, I personally don't know much about being seductive as a man (or at all, for that matter) but it must be done. Seduction's an art, man, Oculot chicks dig art, or at least this one does. Plus, even if it's not the kind of return she'd have known about, she likes new things.
>>
No. 578177 ID: feba53

Seduction works the same way for either sex. As a man, I've done basically exactly what she's doing and it works just fine.

>>578129
This.
>>
No. 578295 ID: 6780f8

I would like to mention that, personally, the foot thing would have freaked me out (predominantly because, "aaaaah I don't know how to react to this"), so I'd hesitate in reciprocating, but on the other hand, I'm not sure she suffers from any such holdups. Apparently.
>>
No. 578299 ID: 0ee153

>>578295
Yeah, both Zack and Polyphema have massive confidence, so that's good.
>>
No. 578554 ID: 186341
File 140272585572.png - (6.21KB , 800x600 , 48.png )
578554

"I think you're doing a pretty good job." You cut a bite of quail. "Oh, look. The banana's here."
"Ah-ah." Polyphema picks it up. "The banana is like the name. You have to earn it."
She tosses it up into the air a couple inches and catches it. "Hmm. They grow them a little bigger this side of the portal." The banana goes into her bag and she buttons it closed again. "Don't worry," she says. "I think I can handle it."
"Did you ever go on any crazy road trips or anything?" you ask. "How do you get around in the Other Side anyway?"
"Cars are much less common," she says. "And much less noisy. Everything's so loud here. Most people use horses."
"Horses? That's rustic." You wait for her foot to find you again, and when it does you catch it between your knees.
Polyphema lets out a little eek then composes herself.
"Did you have a horse?" You lift her foot up a little and rub her ankle.
"I had loads." She scoots her butt a little closer and pours herself some more Retsina. She's on her second glass. "I had a car, too. It ran on, I don't know. The same thing Floaters run on. Blue stuff." She takes a drink. "And Oh, God. It smelled like death. But it ran quiet. I had one of the first ones they ever invented. I drove it all the way across Kalatastra the day I got it, over to the Grinding Rocks. My father was furious, but then, of course, he couldn't keep up. Ooo, Zack. Keep doing that."
You oblige and run your thumb across the arch of her foot. You're glad this place has tablecloths.
"The new models are flashy and sleeker and they levitate," says Polyphema. "But I thought mine had charm. It's not bad, riding something with an antique old body, as long as you take good care of it."
You raise one eyebrow. Polyphema laughs a scintillating laugh. "Drink more, Zack. Don't make me finish this bottle myself."
"I have to drive."
"Poo." She folds her arms and sinks into her seat a little more, wiggling her toes. "Driving drunk is less of a hooplah on the Other Side. Probably because there are fewer fellow motorists to mutilate." You knead her heel with your knuckles while she takes another drink. "Well we can't let that get in the way later tonight. We still have 20/15 to get to!"
She steals a sliver of your quail and chews pensively. "I'll tell you what," she says. "I'll give you the money, honey. Go home, change into something you can sweat in, and then get a cab to take you to 20/15. I want to pour some drinks down you."

1]] I wasn't planning on drinking much tonight.
2]] I can pay for it.
3]] Good plan.
>>
No. 578555 ID: ac14c0

>>578554
2 and 3. She'll probably say something like "my treat".
>>
No. 578556 ID: dcd676

3] If she's offering and you've got a safe way to get around, you might as well give in.
>>
No. 578557 ID: 0ee153

>>578555
Sounds about right. Also, ask if there's anything you should know about 20/15.
>>
No. 578560 ID: ca0da5

>>578555
Reverse that: "Good plan, though unless you're insisting, I can pay." That way she can either relinquish the opportunity to pay to you, or she can insist at your suggestion.
>>578557
"I've been clubbing a few times, but never to 20/15. Anything special about the place I should know, or should I just enjoy myself like at any other club?"

If you've still got the time here, maybe ask her about any friendventures she had in the car, surely it wasn't just her?
>>
No. 578571 ID: 6868bc

3! Don't bother being a gentleman, let her pay. She's been rich all her life, money seriously isn't a big deal to her. Insisting on paying isn't likely to be worth a lot of points with her, and she's already insisted.
>>
No. 578578 ID: 410c24

Hey, whether it's alien princesses or weird shadowy governments, I was never really the one picking up the bill, anyways.
>>
No. 578607 ID: 186341
File 140278156160.png - (9.25KB , 800x600 , 49.png )
578607

"Sounds like a plan," you say. "The feds could pick up the bill for you."
"Spoil me." Polyphema takes more food off your plate. "Throwing money at cute young people is one of the most bracing privileges of wealth."
"And the cars."
"And the cars. And the horses."
"Did you ever take anyone else along? Have any friendventures?"
"Oh, yes. There was this Warrior friend of mine, Gadjjok, whose greatest ambition was to kill this hyperbeast that skewered his great great some amount of greats grandfather, a very long time ago, when Warriors hunted barehanded. He packed the trunk with a lance rifle and five kinds of bows and three repeaters and a shock maul so big that it was messing with my rear suspension and I asked him Gadjjok, are you going to keep one iota of this thing around as a trophy? And he looked me in the eye and said I'm dropping these off at my grandmother's. The hyperbeast I'm going to kill with my bare hands. Warriors."
"What would his grandma need a shock maul for?"
"A present, I think, for a new brood of grandkids," Polyphema says. "Gadjjok said if the ancient Warriors of his tribe didn't use weapons he wasn't going to either, and he was all hot on cracking the thing's neck like his ancestor tried to do--"
"The same hyperbeast? How old was it?"
"A few centuries. And when we finally reached it, it was thirty feet tall."
"Wow."
"They don't stop growing, you see," says Polyphema. "So when his ancestors tried to kill it it was about as big as a horse, and now it was as big as a stable. Gadjjok took one look at it and then said to me that cars didn't count as weapons. And so we ran its head over while it was sleeping." She laughs and drinks more. "Still counted! Warrior honor is a complicated thing."
"Is Gadjjok Here or still over There?"
"Gadjjok has been dead for seventy-odd years, darling. I can count the number of people I rode in that car with who are still alive on one hand and they're all Oculots."
"Oh."
You feel a pressing need to change the subject.
"Is there anything I should know about 20/15?"
"Only that it's dreadfully cutting-edge," she says. "Come drunk and come to have fun or the hipsters will bog you down. They're the ones on the edges with their arms folded tight. Eat your quail."

You swallow the last of your dinner. "Mh. Why are they there, then?"
"They are there, darling," says Polyphema, "to soak up the reputation and the music and the libido and give none of it back. They watch and judge and feel very proud of themselves for doing nothing at all because if you do nothing at all there can be no danger of looking stupid. Ugh." She polishes off her glass. "If there's one thing you can't fucking take after three hundred years on this earth it's being ironic. You know? Engage with the world. That's what I'm digging about you, Zack." She gives you an unexpected peck on the cheek. "You seem so wonderfully unconcerned with a drastic exit of your comfort zone. Going out to eat at a fancy dinner party with a cyclops. In that adorable little wrinkled tie." You reflexively smooth your tie out and Polyphema laughs. "Oh, Zack, don't fix it. I was taking the piss. You could probably go to 20/15 just like this. Take the jacket and the tie off and you'd be fine."
"You think?"
"Probably." She taps her chin. "If you're really concerned I could come with you and help you pick an outfit. I've never seen a human's apartment before."

1]] Politely refuse and go back on your own. Neither you nor your apartment is in any shape to receive alien royalty just yet.
2]] Sure, why not?
>>
No. 578609 ID: 57a559

>>578607
2) But lament that the apartment may not be in shape for Oculus royalty. You fear that a hyperbeast may have taken the place up as a dwelling.
>>
No. 578610 ID: ac14c0

>>578607
2, because if she's never seen a human apartment before she deserves first-hand experience in how messy they can get.
>>
No. 578611 ID: 410c24

I think the issue is less about needing help picking out an outfit, and if we want to let her see our place.

And hey, this is about cultural exchange, isn't it? Why not let her do her own digging.
>>
No. 578613 ID: 0ee153

2. Although given her disdain of the place's clientele I'm led to wonder whether she actually plans on going to 20/15.

Disregarding my paranoid suspicions, later on ask her how the place got its name, preferably when and if you arrive.
>>
No. 578620 ID: 707a11

I think we're about to get laid.
>>
No. 578621 ID: b2c9e1

>>578609
Seems like a good idea, Yep :3
>>
No. 578630 ID: ca0da5

>>578609
This, but instead of a hyperbeast dwelling there, say "I could probably give a warrior a run for their money."
Of course, if you recently cleaned you should tack on "Normally."
>>
No. 578631 ID: ca0da5

>>578630
Further thinking on the subject reminds me of Zach's low humor, which leads me to further support my own suggestion--she might think you're serious and call in a warrior mercenary squad.
>>
No. 578685 ID: dcd676

2, but try not to get too distracted. You want to make a night out of it and I think she'll enjoy things more if we actually do go out rather than keep her in the apartment the rest of the night.
>>
No. 578694 ID: 707a11

>>578685
Maybe, maybe not. I wouldn't force either outcome.
>>
No. 578707 ID: 186341
File 140285797114.png - (10.69KB , 800x600 , 50.png )
578707

"Oh, this isn't so bad." Polyphema stands in your doorway. "It has character. I like your post-it notes. Is that your room over there?"
"Yeah," you say. "The closet's almost bigger than the bedroom. I don't know why."
"Brill." Polyphema is looking through a box near your door. "What's Jojo's Bizarre Adventure?"
"Iiiit's nothing." You open the door to your room. "Come help me out over here."
"Oooooh," Polyphema says. "Dressup time!"
>>
No. 578708 ID: 186341
File 140285801860.png - (5.49KB , 800x600 , 51.png )
578708

Give Zack's silhouette its dignity back.
Suggestions are accepted in text, image, or your own fantastic art.
>>
No. 578712 ID: ca0da5
File 140285958014.png - (3.36KB , 800x600 , zach steve.png )
578712

You once went through a hipster phase, to see how things were for them... You didn't like it though and it only lasted one day. You did, however, keep the outfit.
>>
No. 578714 ID: 0ee153

>>578708
Oh good, the Steve outfit's been suggested already.

Now... Zack doesn't seem like the kind of guy with much fashion sense; it seems like with his confidence he'd just make whatever he put on work. Plus I don't have any fashion sense either. So probably just a T-shirt, possibly with whatever band you like on it, and some jeans. Can't go wrong with jeans.
>>
No. 578755 ID: 707a11

http://www.amazon.com/Futurama-Zoidberg-Face-T-shirt-Large/dp/B0096QPCSE%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAILSHYYTFIVPWUY
6Q%26tag%3Dduckduckgo-d-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3DB0096QPCSE

This, with purple suit pants and jacket. Your hair will be spiked like Fry's.
>>
No. 578784 ID: b2c9e1
File 140288619819.png - (5.47KB , 800x600 , 140285801860.png )
578784

Pretty simple, But Not Stupid
>>
No. 578794 ID: b2c9e1
File 140289636745.png - (14.97KB , 800x600 , 140285801860.png )
578794

quick edit to not quite be so plain
>>
No. 578804 ID: ca0da5

>>578794
What's that logo?
>>
No. 578810 ID: b2c9e1
File 140290443768.png - (31.11KB , 520x579 , 140285801860 - Copy (2).png )
578810

>>578804
Just some random JJBA thing that popped up on a search, Here's a different one
>>
No. 578811 ID: b2c9e1
File 140290445492.png - (20.61KB , 946x769 , 140285801860 - Copy.png )
578811

and one final shirt option~
>>
No. 578812 ID: b2c9e1

speaking of JJBA we should show JJBA to GG she'd probably dig it.
>>
No. 578831 ID: e1609c
File 140293746142.png - (23.41KB , 800x600 , terrible deadly premonition joke.png )
578831

>>578708
"I sure do look good in this suit, wouldn't you say, Zach?"
>>
No. 578833 ID: 0835d4

>>578831
The only true choice. With some FK in the coffee.
>>
No. 578834 ID: b2c9e1
File 140293985955.jpg - (26.97KB , 100x388 , Cherry_Blossom_.jpg )
578834

>>578831
>choosing anything but cherry blossom
>>
No. 578838 ID: 0ee153

>>578784
Amusing as the references are, they don't really fit for this date. I'm voting for this, don't care which logo is chosen if any.
>>
No. 578864 ID: e1609c

Just remove the coat, Bam.
Instant casual attire.
>>
No. 578871 ID: 0835d4

>>578708
She's established its not a shirt and tie club, so keep it casual/clean. You can go with a blazer, short sleeve Henley shirt and a nice pair of jeans. Or lose the blazer if its too hot. A patterned button up is another casual option (anything you don't mind getting sweaty).

As for kicks, go for comfort--no hard toes because dancing isn't going to be all that fun when your dogs are scraping against your shoes. Chukka boots are casual but trendy and shit.
>>
No. 578937 ID: 3bd71f

Wear the tie on your head.

Alternatively, go naked, wearing the tie as a loincloth.
>>
No. 578945 ID: b2c9e1
File 140298988695.png - (8.70KB , 800x600 , 140285801860.png )
578945

Okay here is a new suggestion,
>>
No. 579026 ID: b2c9e1

anyway get changed and make smalltalk
>>
No. 579506 ID: b2c9e1
File 140324241681.png - (9.79KB , 800x600 , 140285801860.png )
579506

Shitty hat addition
>>
No. 580124 ID: 186341
File 140348378678.png - (9.17KB , 800x600 , 52.png )
580124

It takes a while to decide on something.

You walk out in an outfit that looks a little like >>578945

"Eeeee!" Polyphema says. "Arm candy!"
"Will it work?"
"I should say so. Oooh, Zaack. Nice arms, speaking of." Polyphema rummages around in her bag. "I packed a change of clothes but I don't know if I want to take the time and also I kind of like this dress."
"Yellow's a good color."
"Also you kept looking at my breasts during dinner so I know it works." Polyphema turns back to you and laughs. "Kidding! Well not really. But I don't mind. What do you think?" She stands up and straightens the hem of her dress. "Do you like it? She asked, not at all testing him."

1]] I'm not answering that one.
2]] I like it.
3]] Maybe not for a club. What if someone spills appletini on it?
4]] What does the other one look like?
5]] You know a lot more than me about this stuff.
>>
No. 580127 ID: e1609c

>>580124
it complements your personality, fun with a bit of sass on the side.
Or the other way around, but who's keeping track?
>>
No. 580160 ID: 2fd516

>>580124
3]] Maybe not for a club. What if someone spills appletini on it?
4]] What does the other one look like?
>>
No. 580170 ID: 50338d

2 and 4.
>>
No. 580186 ID: ca0da5

>>580170
"I like it, but I'd have to see the other one to be able to tell you whether it's better or not."
>>
No. 580190 ID: b2c9e1

>>580186
What he said~

Also Wheeeee My suggestion got used~

...Well most all of them were mine, but whatever
>>
No. 580261 ID: 0ee153

>>580186
This after
>>580127
>>
No. 580291 ID: 89b2a2

>>580124
"That dress looks hard to dance in. Good to wiggle in, though."
>>
No. 580917 ID: 186341
File 140367038227.png - (34.97KB , 800x600 , 53.png )
580917

"I like it," you say. "It fits you good, in a couple senses of the word. What's the other one look like?"

"I'll put it on," Polyphema says. "Ummm, bathroom?"
You point her the way and she trucks her bag inside and shuts the door.

A second later the door cracks open again and she throws one of her stockings on your head.

She slides out of the bathroom in a little black dress.
"I'll tell you one thing, Zack, darling... I'd marry you for your money in a minute. Would you marry me for my money? That's from Breakfast at Tiffany's. Right after I saw Audrey I rushed out and bought one of these. And some pearls. Which is shameful to admit, but that's my lingerie on your head, so what's shame! What do you think?"

1]] I like this one better.
2]] I like the yellow one.
>>
No. 580924 ID: b2c9e1

I personally prefer the yellow, while the black one is sexy, yes, The yellow has a definite energy to it that I like,
>>
No. 580926 ID: 0ee153

I get the feeling that Polyphema is the type of woman who always likes a reason to go out in a new outfit. Especially since she likes variety, and it gives us a chance to make more references to breakfast at Tiffany and whatever else. The black it is.
>>
No. 580929 ID: bb78f2

>>580917
Oooooh, tough tie here.
Uuuuuh, 2. She doesn't have to get redressed anyway.
>>
No. 580933 ID: 0ee153

Also, if our opinions are relevant, people in yellow outfits remind me of bananas, Polyphema included.
>>
No. 580955 ID: d8a627

The yellow dress is more of a casual-formal dress, so unless the club is rave-like, I would recommend it.

However, Anika did say that "if your parents are against it, 20/15 is for it." That means the Black Dress would probably be better.
>>
No. 580968 ID: b2c9e1

I've honestly never liked black dresses much, Reminds me too much of funeral/mourning garb.
>>
No. 580991 ID: 89b2a2

>>580917
Personally, I like the black.
>>
No. 581007 ID: 2eb028

>>580917
good god this one
>>
No. 581034 ID: c5f6d2

"Careful, the short skirt on that dress might be a more dangerous weapon than your mind-frying power: If I were driving I'd be very worried about the difficulty of keeping my eyes on the road. If you want to play with fire like that it's clearly the better choice but they're both excellent outfits for clubbing in their way."
>>
No. 581040 ID: 0ee153

>>581034
This made me cringe. Definitely not. Besides, the point is that we pick, not dodge the question.
>>
No. 581044 ID: 40935b

Stunning.
>>
No. 581077 ID: dcd676

I really like both, but the black catches my eye just a bit more. I vote she keep the black dress on.
>>
No. 581105 ID: d8a627

>>581034
>>581040
Do remember, Zach's humor is poor when making jokes.
>>
No. 581107 ID: 2fd516

>>581105
It isn't, actually.
>"You've got an okay sense of humor, though you like appreciating jokes more than you like thinking them up."
>>
No. 581381 ID: 186341
File 140383002056.png - (12.02KB , 800x600 , 54.png )
581381

"Black," you say. "Definitely black."
Polyphema giggles and does a little spin, catching herself as she tips slightly over. "Oop. That Retsina hit the spot. Hey:" She widens her eye and stares at you. "Retsina. Retina. That's one letter away. I never noticed!"
"You are buzzed."
"I'm not buzzed, dollface! I'm drunk!" Polyphema grabs your arm and hauls you to the door. "Let's dance!"

20/15 is in Brooklyn, about 20 minutes by cab.
You would have absolutely no idea about its status as one of the hottest clubs in town if it weren't for the winding line of people outside, waiting to get in.

"This is a drag," Polyphema says. She's holding your hand and playing idly with your fingers.
"We should have shown up earlier, maybe," you say.
"Hey, Zack. Zaaaack." Polyphema scoots closer. Her boobs brush against your tricep. "Flash your badge or something. You're a government man."
"I don't have a badge."
"What!" Polyphema says. "I thought humans were all about badges and, and such. Physical symbols of authority."
"They didn't give me one. I dunno."
"You have some physical symbols of authority right here." Polyphema squeezes your arm. "Look at these guns!"
You eye the bouncer. It's a seven foot five Warrior.
"I might want to keep the safety on those," you say.
"How about I blow his head up and then we make a break for it?" Polyphema says.

1]] Don't worry. It won't be too long.
2]] Go talk to him and see if you can skip the line. You're something of a VIP, after all.
>>
No. 581382 ID: e1609c

>>581381
Patience, man. What kind of dick pushes to the front of a line going "Hey I'm more important than everyone let me in first"?
The kind of dick that winds up getting pants'd in the end, thats what kind
>>
No. 581384 ID: 0ee153

>>581381
1. Make some small talk in the meantime. Mention that the bouncer probably wears sunglasses, so the head-exploding thing might not work.
>>
No. 581386 ID: 2fd516

...I suspect all these jokes about exploding heads come from some baggage she has about it. Like, maybe she exploded someone's head and deeply regretted it, and all the jokes are her trying to make it seem like less of a big deal.

1]]
The line is full of friendly people, I'm betting. We can get into a conversation with the person in front of us if she gets bored!
>>
No. 581397 ID: dcd676

>>581384
Yeah, pretty much this. Even if that's just a joke, there's still the fact that people who've been under servitude for a long time might have a sore spot; oculots acting superior might hit a nerve.
>>
No. 581408 ID: bb78f2

>>581381
1
Pol, if this club is anything like the ones in pop culture, and that bouncer acts accordingly to the human bouncer stereotype, acting out of line generally means you won't get in at all.
Then again, I'm not sure how a Warrior bouncer would act in comparison to a human bouncer in the same position. A human bouncer might be all strict and judgmental because that's just what bouncers do, and human bouncers would know what a nightclub bouncer's do. Warrior bouncers might think the way nightclub's let people in be dumb as all hell and totally have a different way of letting people in.
Really depends on how this place wants to emulate stereotypical human nightclubs, and how well they understand the stereotype.

Wow okay did not seeing how a visit to a nightclub turned into a cultural experiment of how a Warrior bouncer might act or think differently from a human bouncer.
>>
No. 581480 ID: 50338d

>You have some physical symbols of authority right here
...wouldn't she be the physical symbol of our authority? I mean, if we're an agent in the federal bureau of dating aliens, then the alien on our arm is our badge.

Less sillily, though. If we want to get in, and the bouncer is a warrior? Isn't the fact we're with another visitor an angle we can use?
>>
No. 581486 ID: b2c9e1

>>581382
Pretty much yep
>>
No. 581643 ID: 186341
File 140394630277.png - (11.65KB , 800x600 , 55.png )
581643

"It's not going to be all that long," you say.
"Awwwwww."
"And club lines are good places to meet all kinds of interesting weirdos."
"I'm an interesting weirdo." The lady in front of you turns around. "Oh. Maybe y'all are more interesting."
"Thanks," you say.
"Nice eyeball," she says.
"Thanks!" Polyphema says. "Nice pants!"
"Word. I got them at Forever 21. I'm Xu."
"Zack."
"Polyphema," Polyphema says. "But not really, but I'm not telling Zack my real name, because I'm very mysterious and interesting."
"Word," says Xu. "Are you two like dating?"
"Yeah," you say.
"It's his job!" Polyphema says. "Isn't that fascinating?"
"Your job is dating chicks?" says Xu. "Sick. Are you like a man-whore?"
"No, no. Geez. Uh, I work for the HVAO." You pronounce it H-Vow.
"Sick," repeats Xu, nodding. "So have you dated, like, a floater? and shit?"
"No," you say. "Just so far a Warrior and Polyphema."
"Warrior?" Xu says. "With the arms? Sick. Like Vishnu. I'd bang a warrior."
"It's an experience," Polyphema says.
"Did you?" Xu asks.
"I can't answering that."
"Ooooooo," Polyphema says. "Did you?"

1]] There is no way I am going to answer that question.
2]] I don't kiss and tell.
3]] No.
4]] Of course not.
5]] Totally.
6]] I thought about it but then we just kissed and that was all.
7]] I seriously can't answer that. The HVAO had me sign an NDA.
8]] _____________
>>
No. 581644 ID: 0ee153

7 may be the most sensible option.
>>
No. 581645 ID: bb78f2

>>581643
>Vishnu
Wait, the fuck? That can't be a coincidence that she mentioned that. Shiva and Vishnu are from the same religion. She must know GG's address.
I bet she's a spy from HVAO keeping tabs on us.
8)Change the subject by bringing up the potential spy thread into the conversation. Even if it's wrong with our evidence; we avoid answering a question with two wrong answers and possibly covered by an NDA. The girl won't take offense and should laugh it off
>>
No. 581646 ID: e20f8e

>>581643
>2]] I don't kiss and tell.
>>
No. 581647 ID: 2fd516

>>581643
2. Maybe 7 too.
>>
No. 581653 ID: ebc77d

>>581643
7]] I seriously can't answer that. The HVAO had me sign an NDA.
then
2]] I don't kiss and tell.
You don't do that sort of thing.
>>
No. 581660 ID: 40935b

2. But seriously, 7.
>>
No. 581661 ID: 2f4b71

>>581645
>Wait, the fuck? That can't be a coincidence that she mentioned that. Shiva and Vishnu are from the same religion.
It probably is a coincidence: they're the two most well-known multi-limbed deities.
>>
No. 581668 ID: 707a11

>>581661
Definite coincidence. Also, 7.
>>
No. 581674 ID: b8ceae

>>581643
2 and 7
You could mention how you were hired by people dressed as Harley Quinn and the Godfather, and anybody who goes to a job interview in that kinda cosplay has you worried about far worse things than being sued.
>>
No. 581680 ID: 0ee153

>>581674
No, you probably couldn't. NDA.

Zack, did you read it before signing? If not, assume you're not allowed to talk about your employers.
>>
No. 581685 ID: d8a627

>The HVAO had me sign an NDA.
Wouldn't that also cover what the NDA covers? Don't say that.

Instead, 2 and 8: "I don't kiss and tell... Mostly because that's just who I am, but you never know when there are spies around. Makes me feel a bit like James Bond."
>>
No. 581687 ID: 0ee153

>>581685
No, it wouldn't. "I signed a NDA" is the standard response. It's what you're supposed to do.
>>
No. 581688 ID: d8a627

>>581687
Well, okay, but it'd feel like a copout given our orders in the field. I say save that for if there's no other way out.
>>
No. 581692 ID: 321d85

Hmmm. 2 seems like the classiest response.
>>
No. 582092 ID: e607cd

>>581647
>>581653
>>581660
>>581674
yeah, I suppose I could get behind "I wouldn't kiss and tell even WITHOUT the NDA" is a response I could get behind.

Come to think of it though, I bet she would be more okay than most girls about an affirmative response here. Poly seems pretty open about having experiences and living life to the hilt. We should really find out if that is a feeling unique to her, or one shared by most long-lived Oculots
>>
No. 582161 ID: 186341
File 140417574158.png - (226.63KB , 800x600 , 56.png )
582161

"I don't kiss and tell," you say. "And also I don't break NDAs."
"You signed an NDA?" Xu asks.
"Yeah."
"I did that once," says Xu. "I was testing a new soda thing."
"How did that go?"
"It made my poop blue."
"Wow!" Polyphema says.

By the time you reach the end of the line you know Xu's parents ("Dad was from Wisconsin. He did TEFL and found a demure Chinese bride."), her favorite munchies food ("Spongebob kraft mac and cheese. The spongebob is important."), her views on Communism ("It's very undergraduate."), her day job ("You know, I do some stuff. Marketing.") and her digits. Xu says she knows a really good dealer too if you need it. "For club stuff. No hard stuff. Do you do coke?"
"No."
"Good. He doesn't sell coke."
"I've tried coke!" Polyphema says. "It nearly blinded me."
"Hardcore," Xu says.
"Anything once!" Polyphema says.
"Interesting philosophy," the bouncer says, unhooking the rope with his lower arm. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that and not do the light in the eyeball test."
"Thaaanks!" Polyphema says, dragging you inside. "Oops," she whispers.
"I'm meeting friends," Xu calls. "See you pon di floor."

Polyphema grips your hand and pulls you through the dingy front hall. There's a pumping trap remix of some nu-disco song vibrating through a nondescript door on the other hand.
"Ready to shake your groove thang?" Polyphema asks. "If that is the turn of phrase?"
"Aboslutely," you say.
"WOOO" goes Polyphema, and opens the door to darkened, laser-fretted valhalla.

She goes straight for the dance floor, pulling you along with her. You barely have time to look around and it's very dark. You register a fog machine or two.
"DANCE WITH ME ZACK" she yells, barely audible over the thunderous music.

1]] Don't dance yet. You need to drink some first and get on her level.
2]] Dance with Polyphema, keeping together but not touching.
3]] Dance with her closer but with a little room for God in there.
4]] God can hang out on the wall tonight.

Also, how drunk are you getting this evening?
A]] You're actually good right now.
B]] Just getting a nice buzz on.
C]] You didn't drive here. You can afford to get kind of tipsy.
D]] You don't have work in the morning. It's time to get drunk.
E]] PARTY HARD
>>
No. 582164 ID: 2fd516

3]] Dance with her closer but with a little room for God in there.
D]] You don't have work in the morning. It's time to get drunk.

We are going on a date with GG tomorrow but it should be fine.
>>
No. 582167 ID: dcd676

4] and B]
>>
No. 582171 ID: b2c9e1

3 and C We are gonna have a good time, But we aren't going to get shit faced and do something we regret...We don't want another holy diver going on...
>>
No. 582173 ID: 68bbc5

3 and B. Let's not get TOO crazy on the first date.
>>
No. 582174 ID: 707a11

B. As for dance distance, let her guide you. Move in close, but take cues from her as to how close is best.
>>
No. 582175 ID: b8ceae

>>582161
3 and C.
If you start thinking you're not too drunk to do something, stop immediately because you've had too much.
>>
No. 582192 ID: 186341
File 140418854258.png - (66.56KB , 960x540 , 57.png )
582192

Before you dance you drop way too much cash on a straight shot of Captain, then another.

That's enough to buzz you nicely, but you still feel most of the way in control.
In solidarity, Polyphema takes two shots with you.

She's dancing in heels, and she's clearly pretty drunk, but she somehow keeps her balance. She's definitely a lot looser now, but it translates into a strange kind of grace instead of a sloppiness. 300 years is apparently long enough that she knows a thing or two about handling her liquor.
You assume some of this is Garaktonni firehoop dancing. It involves a lot of hip.

You weren't planning on dancing too close to her, but she clearly has other ideas. As you dance she gets closer and closer to you until her hips are pressing up against yours.
Her hand catches yours and moves it to her ass.

The combination of your close proximity and the firehoop dance moves is making you so hard it's tough to breathe. You can make out a grin on Polyphema's face in the darkness and the smoke.

After 20 nearly unbearable minutes, Polyphema yells "ZACK"
"YEAH?"
"I NEED SOME FRESH AIR I THINK. YOU WANT TO COME?"

1]] Yes.
2]] Don't walk into the obvious trap.
>>
No. 582195 ID: ebc77d

>>582192
1]] Yes.
>>
No. 582199 ID: 43813a

IT'S A TRA- (Shot)
Well, I'm split. On the one hand, I see no reason NOT to Captain Kirk it uo with the pretty alien lady- wait how drunk is she? I'm not entirely sure at what point it becomes date rape, but I'd rather not risk it, especially if some of us are right and her behavior is rooted in PTSD. Also, if GG finds out about it, it could have a less than desirable impact on either relationship.
>>
No. 582201 ID: 43813a

You know what, I've made up my mind. Let's go with 2.
>>
No. 582202 ID: 0ee153

Yeah, if her judgment is impaired let's not. I'm pretty sure that she's drunk enough that she could regret it in the morning. On the other hand, it's possible, although not certain, that she planned to seduce Zack the entire time, given her earlier behavior. Could just have been flirting, could have been planning to do this.

Ask her if this is part of her grand plan or if this is spur-of-the moment, I guess. If it's the latter, definitely not. If the former... maybe, although it might not be a great idea.
>>
No. 582203 ID: 0e5a5e

Only fall into the trap in exchange for her name. It's the principle of the thing.
>>
No. 582204 ID: d7800e

2. Don't do it.
>>
No. 582209 ID: 483d7f

In a low voice:
"Make me believe you are of adequately sound and sober mind to make decisions like that. You can feel what I want but I refuse to be the creep that takes advantage of a drunk."
>>
No. 582210 ID: dc4b80

Its impolite to fuck drunk girls. Not to mention messy. If she wants you she can go after you when she is sober.
>>
No. 582214 ID: d8a627

>>582209
This. Maybe suggest that if she's still willing, you can jump to it the next date.
>>582199
>Also, if GG finds out about it, it could have a less than desirable impact on either relationship.
...GG knows fully well that Zach's dating three other ladies. They legitimately all signed up for a polyamorous social test.
>>
No. 582215 ID: b8ceae

>>582192
1 and 2.
Go with her, but don't fall in the trap. This is a terrible place for a conversation, anyway.

I wouldn't be surprised if she planned this, and/or is acting drunker than she really is. Ancient inscrutable beings can be like that.
>>
No. 582218 ID: 0f858a

>>582192
she can handle her liquor and she still has to show you the banana trick, go with her
>>
No. 582219 ID: 2fd516

>>582218
Yeah. This probably won't lead straight into sex.

1.
>>
No. 582236 ID: dcd676

I vote #1.
>>
No. 582240 ID: 186341
File 140421970695.png - (12.90KB , 960x540 , 58.png )
582240

You start to walk outside with her.
"Hold on," she says, and ducks into the bathroom just before you get all the way out the door. You lean on the wall to wait for her.

She comes out waving her hands to air-dry them. "How charmingly filthy," she says. "I know what number to call for a good time now. Allons-y!"

Outside, the two of you round the corner past 20/15 and down the side of the building.
"Where are we going?" you ask.
"Around," Polyphema says. "The air."
"This doesn't look like a through street." You look around. "I think it's an alley.
"Oh," Polyphema says. "Is it?"
She wobbles a little and hip-checks you, and either you're a little drunker than you thought or all that fire hoop dancing must have strengthened her core incredibly, because she knocks you a good two feet right to the wall.
She grabs you to steady you and herself.
"Oops," she says, in a tone that makes it very clear that was not an accident. "Clumsy me."
"It's ok," you say. You shift a little. Her grip is surprisingly strong.
Her fingernails press into your arms.
"I've having a fantastic time with you, Zack," she says. "I think you deserve a reward. Let's seeee: If I recall correctly I promised you my name aaand something else. I forget."
"The banana?" you offer sheepishly.
"Oh." She grins. "Yes. The banana. Well I can't offer you both at once, I don't think."
"No?"
"No," she says, firmly. "Which would you like tonight, Zack?"
"Is this another test?"
"The very last one, I promise," she says. Her fingers dig into your shirt. "Before you graduate."
"Was this your plan all along?"
"I've been improvising a little along the way," she says. "But you don't get to be three billion or however old I am without knowing exactly what you want..." She gets very close to you. Her hand runs up your leg. "And what other people want too. So: The name?" She leans into your ear. "Or the banana?"

1]] Name.
2]] Banana.
>>
No. 582241 ID: a7868d

Definitely 1, her judgements not impaired, she's been hardcore flirting the whole time.

I get a certain vibe from her though, that shes doing this either because she's had a human fetish for a while, or because... well, the government wants her too. Maybe what I'm saying is I get the impression she wants it a little too much and is maybe using you.

That said, we can't create a real connection to five different species. It's our job to make love to sweet alien women and it's about time we actually did so. If we wake up and she's gone and there's a note saying "I like you but it's not meant to be", that's fine, it'd be a nice consolation prize.
>>
No. 582242 ID: a7868d

ooh, that's a harder question to answer.

I like polyphema. I like her more than I like GG. Asking for her name is the obvious long term choice. You want to know her, and you don't even know her name yet.

But something in her behavior tells me she just wants to fuck a human. Maybe cause it's new and different. Maybe cause someone told her to. It's just a part of the way she's behaved. She's been extremely flirtatious to the point I think you could've gotten her undressed while you were at home changing.

Asking her name is the classy thing to do. I'd vote for asking her name anyway, cause I like her best so far. But... well... I get this strange feeling like... IT'S A TRAP.

yeah, ask her name.
>>
No. 582245 ID: 0ee153

How are you supposed to sleep with her if you don't know what name to scream? Or, for less wit and more sense... her name.
>>
No. 582246 ID: b8ceae

>>582240
Name. We can save the banana for next time.

>>582241
It's not our job to seduce them, it's our job to DATE them. Sex is 100% discretionary.
>>
No. 582247 ID: 0f858a

obviously name. this is such an obvious test it almost makes me think it's what she WANTS us to think and the real answer is banana. still, go with name.
>>
No. 582255 ID: b2c9e1

1 but stress how painful the decision is, We want to know about the banana so much...But her name is more important!
>>
No. 582321 ID: dcd676

>>582255
This, very much this.
>>
No. 582370 ID: 186341
File 140426866638.png - (12.35KB , 960x540 , 59.png )
582370

"Name," you say.

"Name." Polyphema raises an eyebrow. She studies your face. "Really."
"Really."
"I think you actually mean it." She gives you a wolfish smile. "Such a romantic, Zack. Well, sorry!" She reaches into her bag. "Banana time."
"Heyyy."
"Sorry, darling." She pulls out the banana. "It was always going to be the opposite of what you said."
"Why?"
"Because I wouldn't want to do this for anyone who doesn't want to know my name!" She pinches the bottom end with her thumb and forefinger and starts unwrapping it. "And the people who do want to know... I like to keep them intrigued."

She finishes opening the banana and licks her lips.
"What am I sculpting, dollface? I take requests."
>>
No. 582371 ID: 2fd516

>>582370
A PENIS wait no

The statue of liberty. Wait no, that's probably impossible. How about Jay Leno?
>>
No. 582372 ID: e1609c

>>582370
Snrk.
Well, all that's springing to mind right now is a dog.
I'm thinking schnauzer, maybe?
>>
No. 582373 ID: 53ba34

a dragon
>>
No. 582374 ID: e1609c

>>582370
Also:
"P, you are ridiculous." before you make a request.
>>
No. 582376 ID: dcd676

Sculpt an oculot.
>>
No. 582377 ID: bb78f2

>>582370
Your muscly guns!
>>
No. 582379 ID: 0ee153

A giraffe.
>>
No. 582381 ID: 40935b

I'm guessing a dolphin would be easymode. How about that old car she was talking about?
>>
No. 582382 ID: 0ee153

>>582381
I like this idea.
>>
No. 582385 ID: b8ceae

>>582370
Have her sculpt herself so we can nibble on it and make an oral sex joke.

Or a banana.
Or a shark.
>>
No. 582386 ID: d8a627

>>582374
>>582381
I like this idea.
>>
No. 582399 ID: b2c9e1

AN ORANGE! and laugh as you remember that shitty joke about oranges and bananas
>>
No. 582400 ID: 483d7f

If she's good enough for that car that would be awesome, but the overtly come-on way she has been posing and proposing this banana trick leads me to wonder if there's more to this than food-sculpture. I suspect there is, but how much of what exactly?
>>
No. 582439 ID: 0f858a

i'm seconding >>582371
>>
No. 582441 ID: 186341
File 140431825128.png - (9.02KB , 960x540 , 60.png )
582441

"Dolphin."
"Too easy!"
"Jay Leno," you say.
"I'm not familiar."
"What about that old car you told me about?" you ask. "Your first."

"Aha! The car." She scratches her head. "Let me think. It's been a while since I've seen it. What the heck. Try and fail, but don't fail to try!"

She holds up the banana. "This might look a little freaky. Just warning you."
"I like freaky."
"Okay:"

Polyphema closes her eye and starts to stick her tongue out
and keeps going for like 3 seconds.
She unfurls the most staggeringly long tongue you've ever seen. You had no idea. She could tickle her clavicle with that thing.
Suddenly your throat is very dry.

Her tongue wraps around the banana and then she pulls it into her mouth.
>>
No. 582442 ID: 186341
File 140431825882.png - (8.82KB , 960x540 , 61.png )
582442

She works for a solid two minutes.

Her fingers find your chest and she digs her fingernails into your left pec, bowing her head a little bit.

She makes a little gagging sound, and pulls the banana out of her mouth for a second. "Auch. I wasn't just being cute when I said they make them bigger here."
"You can-"
"No! No no. I'm good." She fixes her hair for a second then pushes it back into her mouth, up to the peel.

Every so often her tongue corkscrews out and around the banana, shaping it with surprising strength. You are unable to look away.
>>
No. 582443 ID: 186341
File 140431826736.png - (13.42KB , 960x540 , 62.png )
582443

After another minute or two, she pulls a tiny jalopy out of her mouth, complete with side mirrors and a tiny hood ornament.

"Ta-daaaa!" she says. "How's that, Sculpting Minor?"

1]] Holy shit.
2]] Well done!
3]] Laugh your ass off.
4]] Kiss her.
>>
No. 582445 ID: 189a54

>>582443
1, 2, 4. Try to make sure her tongue doesn't head down your throat during it, gagging during a kiss might be weird.
>>
No. 582447 ID: 68bbc5

1, 2, 3, and then jokingly suggest segueing into 4.
>>
No. 582448 ID: ebc77d

>>582441
First 1

Then look closer into 2

After that 3

Maybe joke about 4
>>
No. 582449 ID: bb78f2

That car surprisingly looks like it's from the human's 40's

Are we sure there hasn't been any previous overlaps into their dimension before?
>>
No. 582450 ID: 0ee153

>>582447
Sounds about right.
>>
No. 582451 ID: b2c9e1

>>582443
3 1 2 in that order
>>
No. 582453 ID: 186341
File 140432518014.png - (5.41KB , 960x540 , 63.png )
582453

You laugh your ass off.
Polyphema waves the banana and goes "Vroom vroom!"
"Holy shit," you say. "Well done."
"I'm an artiste."
"If I kissed you right now would it be like wrangling a banana-flavored snake?"

Polyphema lowers the car and looks at you. "Do you want to know?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you want to kiss me? Because if you genuinely want to kiss me, Zack, don't joke around about kissing me to try and make me kiss you. It won't work." She gazes full blast into your eyes. Her eye is incredibly, piercingly blue. "Kiss me."
>>
No. 582454 ID: dcd676

Kiss her.
>>
No. 582455 ID: dc4b80

Go for it.
>>
No. 582456 ID: 0e5a5e

kiss ze girl
>>
No. 582457 ID: ebc77d

Pucker up man. Time for a smooch
>>
No. 582458 ID: 186341
File 140432709196.png - (9.53KB , 960x540 , 64.png )
582458

You kiss her.

She runs her fingers through your hair and leans into you, wrapping a leg around your waist. GG's legs were hard as rocks; Polyphema's are the opposite. Her skin is so soft it feels like she's melting into you.
Her thin waist arches and twists as she kisses you back.

Her tongue wraps itself around yours, twice. It's skinnier than a human's, longer, and a little harder, and it does taste a lot like banana.

You feel it uncoil she pulls away. There's so much blood pumping through your head you're nearly seeing double.

"Come home with me," she says.

1]] Yes.
2]] No.
3]] Not tonight.
4]] My place.
>>
No. 582460 ID: 0ee153

>>582458
I think this is the most we've seen of Zack so far without him being greyed out.

She's already seen our place, so it's our turn to see hers. She did say she knew exactly what she wanted, so I don't think we have to worry about her judgment being impaired. Any objections to going home with her that I can't see?
>>
No. 582463 ID: e1609c

Kinda want to go 'not tonight' just to get her back for all the silly 'so mysterious' stuff, but I also want to vote yes since she's pretty rad once you get past said silliness
>>
No. 582471 ID: 483d7f

"I'm having a hard time trying not to make this decision right now in favour of what the little-head wants, but will you still respect me in the morning?"
>>
No. 582472 ID: a7868d

hmm...

You can't just turn her down, cause there's no doubt you are into it.

But you still don't even know her name.

Yeah, take her up on it. I think it'd be a little inappropriate not to.
>>
No. 582473 ID: 6868bc

Hey. Y'know what, don't actually -assume- sex is what she's after just yet. Be chill about your expectations and just go where she leads, she's got three centuries of experience on you.

And anyway, this is a good opportunity to do more cultural research on Oculots. Considering all the research -she's- done, you're probably learning more from her than she is from you.
>>
No. 582478 ID: 92fe71

Helllllll yeahhhhhhh.
>>
No. 582481 ID: 0ee153

>>582473
While you're correct that it's not been proven that sex is on the table, most of what she's done in the thread and especially what was asked in the disthread does pretty strongly suggest it.

And while we're talking about assumptions? You're the first person to flat-out mention sex. One person mentioned thinking with his penis, and that's it.
>>
No. 582490 ID: eec20a

Agree to go to her place, but only on the condition that she gives us her name.
>>
No. 582499 ID: 186341
File 140434327754.png - (8.57KB , 960x540 , 65.png )
582499

"Yes," you say. "Will you still respect me in the morning?"
"Yes." She holds you tight. "Zaack," she whispers. "I've had such a fantastic night. I was feeling a little homesick before you called."
"Really?"
"Mmm." She buries her face in your shirt. "I miss being royalty. I do sometimes."
You wrap your arms around her. "I'm sorry."
"But you've made me feel so much better. You've reminded me that there are some luxuries you can take with you that I haven't indulged in for so long."
"Like what?"
"Delicacies. Exotic food. Fine wine. But mostly handsome young aliens."
"I'm a delicacy?"
She runs her nails down your back. "The best kind. And do you know what I'm going to do to you?"
>>
No. 582500 ID: 186341
File 140434329648.png - (5.88KB , 960x540 , 66.png )
582500

"I'm going to take you home, unwrap you, and eat you up."
>>
No. 582501 ID: 186341
File 140434331651.png - (8.73KB , 960x540 , 67.png )
582501

Polyphema grips your hand tightly all the way through the taxi ride.
When it stops and you reach into your pocket to pay she touches your arm to stop you and does it herself. Then she pulls you out of the taxi and into her apartment building.

In the elevator she pins you against a wall and kisses you until the door dings on her floor. She powerwalks down the hall with you, pulling her tic-tacs out of her bag in a frenzy to find her keys, then grabs them, goes "Yesss!" and unlocks the door.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispers between kisses as she drags you through her darkened apartment to her bedroom. "I'm sorry we'll do the tour in a bit I can't wait anymore"

Then she pushes you onto the bed, peels her dress off, climbs on top of you, and fucks your brains out.
You haven't seen her apartment and she lives in a crappy building, but she must have a very high-quality bed; she's riding you like a bronco and the springs are silent.

Except about a minute in you become aware of a clattering sound.
"Polyphema," you say. "The necklace you forgot the necklace"

"Shit," she says, rearing back and seeking the clasp. "Hold on hold on hold onnnnn... YES" She pulls the pearls off and throws them to one side. They slam into the wall.
"Fuck," you say.
"No shhh I don't care I'll buy new ones fuck it," she whispers, and kisses you, starting to move. Then she pauses, with you halfway inside her. "Do pearls break?"
"I don't know," you say. "Uhhh they melt in vinegar."

She stares at you for a second, then bursts into gales of laughter. You join in, not entirely sure why it's funny but laughing your ass off anyway. Then she leans in, shuts you both up with a messy, open-mouth kiss, shakes her hips in a firehoop dancing kind of way, and starts up again.

When she finishes, it's shortly before you, with a gasp, a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming, and a flash of polar blue light from her eye.
>>
No. 582502 ID: 186341
File 140434332274.png - (7.48KB , 960x540 , 68.png )
582502

"Oh my God."
She flops down next to you. "Oh my God don't touch me. I'm covered in sweat."
You grab the small of her back and pull her next to you. You kiss her forehead.
"Hmm," you say. "Salty."
"I warned yooou," she says, snuggling up next to you and wrapping her leg around yours. "Oh, Zack, you have no idea how badly I needed that."

1]] I had some indication, actually.
2]] Me too.
3]] Is it tour time?
4]] Should I sleep here or on the couch or what?
5]] Just kiss her.
>>
No. 582505 ID: d8a627

>>582502
1.5]] I don't think anybody could go long without that.
Then 5.
>>
No. 582506 ID: 0ee153

Seconding whatever variant of 1, then 5.
>>
No. 582508 ID: b8ceae

>>582502
1+2, but you're pretty sure she needed it more.
Then 5.

Offer to have a nice and slow round two.
>>
No. 582543 ID: 9b57d3

So much for no sex on the first date, or no sex with drunk ladies, or no sex before finding out the name of the girl... DUDE. You can't tell ANYONE you did this, nobody will respect you.

What if that was her plan all along?!

3.
>>
No. 582545 ID: 707a11

Damn it, Brom, you're making me horny.

1, 2, and 5.
>>
No. 582564 ID: 6868bc

Just kiss. He COULD ask for her name, but... well. The more he wants to know, the more entertaining it is to withhold it from him. I've got a feeling the best maneuver is to just let her answer the question without it being asked again.
>>
No. 582589 ID: 186341
File 140437385155.png - (11.00KB , 960x540 , 69.png )
582589

"I had some indication, actually." She giggles into your chest. You kiss her. "I did too."
"Mmm." She pushes her head into your chest and inhales, deeply. "Oh. Wait. Before I sleep."

She hops out of bed.
"Where are you going?" you call, taking a moment to admire the view.
"Yo necesito agua," she calls, and you hear the tap running. "Also to pee. Shhh."
A couple minutes later she walks in with a glass of water in her hand. "You want any?"
"I'm not thirsty."
"I'm parched." She chugs the glass. "Mmm! Out with the bad and in with the good. But I had much more to drink than you did, doll. And I can't be hungover tomorrow."
"What's tomorrow?"
"I sober up and find out what I did to my pearls." She swans back over toward the bed. "And I'm making breakfast for two, aren't I?" She takes your hand, studying it in the cozy dark. Her fingers run along your knuckle. "You don't think I'm a loose woman, do you?"
"I'm the one who had first date sex with somebody whose name I don't know."
>>
No. 582590 ID: 186341
File 140437386184.png - (8.09KB , 960x540 , 70.png )
582590

"Oh, Zack." She crawls back into bed with you. "Who gives a shit about time and names, anyway? Tonight it was just you," She snuggles in. "And me. And it was lovely."
"It was." You hold her tight. "Do you, uh, want a round two? Maybe a little slower?"
"I'd love to," she says, "but I'm exhausted. Wait till morning?"
"Okay."
"Okay." She turns from you and scoots her butt so the two of you are spooning.

She pushes her hips out a little, and you push a little back.

She gives an experimental swivel and you respond in kind.
>>
No. 582591 ID: 186341
File 140437387539.png - (8.27KB , 960x540 , 71.png )
582591

"Actually, funniest thing, darling," she says. "I'm a little less exhausted than I thought."
>>
No. 582592 ID: 186341
File 140437389517.png - (60.99KB , 800x600 , 72.png )
582592

KILLS 0% ITEMS 0% SECRET 50%
>>
No. 582601 ID: 189a54

>>582592
Kills? O_o
>>
No. 582617 ID: 483d7f

>>582601
*sigh* Kids these days wouldn't get that reference, and I guess that's fair since the game is two decades old.
>>
No. 582634 ID: d8a627

>>582601
Given that our goal is peace, I think Kills are bad this time around. But, uh, rather than focusing on what it's supposed to be referencing, thing of Metal Gear Solid. You can either go for a ton of kills and get the Killer good rank, or go for as few as possible (especialy 0) for the best rank possible in the Not A Killer category. Carlson bet us we couldn't do well in the latter so we're out to prove him wrong.

Also I think there were two major people who could have wound up killed this time around: The xenophobe and the bouncer. Hell, we almost let the first kill happen, although we totally guided her away from getting anywhere near the second one.

During Warrior Episode 1, I counted four characters who could have been killed (again, by our alien company, not by Zach): The Redneck (we stepped in to stop it), his wife (again, we stepped in), the confections stand (probably wouldn't have been a risk anyways), and the ice cream waitress (who we'd effectively have to force into being a risk).
>>
No. 582661 ID: 707a11

What was the secret we got and the one we missed? Was that other chick the secret? Getting her number? And items? Whaaaaaat?
>>
No. 582662 ID: 2f4b71

>SECRET 50%
Crap, we should have checked that patch of wall after the bridge with the different texture!
>>
No. 582665 ID: 321d85

I think it's a reference to the Doom level end screens, though I've rarely played that game. I recognize it more because of Chex Quest, the oddly fun total mod for it. Anybody else remember Chex Quest?
>>
No. 582672 ID: b2c9e1

>>582661
might be a reference to the fact that she showed us the banana thing...and that we didn't learn her name,
>>
No. 582697 ID: 707a11

>>582672
Oh yeah okay I buy that.

Time for E1M3?
>>
No. 582963 ID: 879a42

Think we should hang around a short while if he is gonna show us the morning after, otherwise we should compose yourself and email the boss, and get ready for round 3. I think we should go for the skag.
>>
No. 582965 ID: b2c9e1

I vote we go out with GG again...Because she's awesome and a bro and stuff...and she could break our spine if we ignore her,
>>
No. 582984 ID: d8a627

>>582963
>skag.
I'm going to assume you meant "Skut" and be very offended that you would mistake "Skut" for "Skag."
>>582965
Not to mention she's practically been begging us with her constant messages to get in touch with her... Still, we should let the bossman know. Will be typing up a log to put on the discussion thread, although I'm interested in what others might type up for it.
>>
No. 582989 ID: 2fc3e9

>>582984
Uh, why? We have six months to date the four of them, no one ever told us to do a different one every day. And I'm pretty sure they're not dumb enough to try to micromanage dating. If we did absolutely nothing for weeks they'd probably step in, but one day is hardly actionable.
>>
No. 582990 ID: 9b57d3

I for one vote we stick to the two different girls we've dated until it's appropriate to move on. We saw today how dating just two can cause complications. Dating all four would be impossible.
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