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File 144479948424.png - (192.71KB , 809x565 , f01.png )
676346 No. 676346 ID: defceb

You are a wizard’s familiar.

“Familiar! Familiar, I have a very important job for you today.”

Today your wizard has a very important job for you to do.

“Familiar, I’m lonely. Find me someone to love.”
100 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Expand all images
>>
No. 676555 ID: 72c7be

Dragon spotted, engage in hug. You are too wizardy to be threatening in melee combat.
>>
No. 676556 ID: 0fc976

Is that a dragon poking around the corner, or is it just happy to see us?
>>
No. 676557 ID: a107fd

Scry on the stripper paladin as he returns to his order's HQ, then teleport in to rescue some half-dragon princess with poor impulse control from the rehab program.
>>
No. 676559 ID: 3bc92d

"Quick! Try to look as adorable and as kidnappable as possible without seeming especially edible!"
>>
No. 676561 ID: 46df9e

Mistress play with your necklace so it shines pleasantly in the sunlight.
>>
No. 676562 ID: 6cb462

That is no dragon, that is a giant weird looking snake, so there is no reason to turn around and acknowledge it.
>>
No. 676563 ID: 72c7be

>>676562
A giant weird looking snake is fine too. (If it's sapient.)
>>
No. 676565 ID: defceb
File 144487524881.png - (115.30KB , 434x756 , f14.png )
676565

“Dragon at our six.”

“Ah! I mean, uh, no sudden moves!”
>>
No. 676566 ID: defceb
File 144487527545.png - (66.12KB , 573x640 , f15.png )
676566

“hmmmm I thought I smelled gold but I didn’t expect to find something so pretty, too. Yessssssss…” They hiss in a fashion similar to a large engine. “I think I could enjoy you.”
>>
No. 676567 ID: defceb
File 144487528499.png - (79.05KB , 618x545 , f16.png )
676567

-internal screaming-
>>
No. 676568 ID: 0fc976

Slowly and deliberately crotch-thrust.
>>
No. 676569 ID: 5ad4a7

>>676567
Psst. Master, this is your chance. Put your moves on him.

(Oh god I just hope the dragon isn't talking about the Familiar)
>>
No. 676570 ID: 72c7be

Perfect, they already like you. Play hard to get. You kicked a paladin out of your home just this morning. Confidence!
>>
No. 676571 ID: 2ccbb3

>>676568
NO.

Play hard-to-get, because you never know if your mark is a pathetic creep wearing a sock-puppet. Make them EARN your lust.

Begin the chase through the well-populated and brainwashed masses! Give them a good time proportional to how much mayhem they cause. And how long it takes to catch you, of course.
>>
No. 676572 ID: 3663d3

try 'oh all this gold is so heavy, how will i ever make it back to safety in time?'
>>
No. 676573 ID: d4cfd6

>>676567
Down potions of fireproofing, and physical resistance, just in case.
>>
No. 676577 ID: 46df9e

He said someTHING so pretty; I hope this isn't a sign that Mistress isn't what he's calling pretty. Better not try to take us away from Mistress.
>>
No. 676578 ID: f56624

>>676566
"As long as it's lewd things and not vore you're talking about, mister. I need her alive."
>>
No. 676580 ID: 799984

"Oh no, my mistress who is single and definitely not thirty yet, a dragon is approaching please flee I'll hold it off!"

Yes this is the most subtle deception of all time.
>>
No. 676582 ID: 72c7be

>>676580
Would a dragon value youth in a human? Hm. Seems suspect to me.
>>
No. 676586 ID: defceb
File 144488049703.png - (94.78KB , 606x449 , f17.png )
676586

“Psst. This is your chance. Play hard to get.”

“Oh, uh, uhm, right!” They make a mock attempt to run away. “Oh no! All this precious gold and treasure is so heavy! Whatever will I do?”

“I can’t do this.” It sighs and flops down onto the ground behind you. “I’ve been lying to myself for far too long. I can’t keep up this charade of chasing after young women and precious jewels. It’s time I let my colors show.”
>>
No. 676587 ID: defceb
File 144488051773.png - (80.85KB , 618x545 , f18.png )
676587

They stand up tall and release a full-bellied shout into the air. “I, Partax the Great, am a homosexual!”

-internal screaming intensifies-
>>
No. 676588 ID: defceb
File 144488053402.png - (90.14KB , 668x628 , f19.png )
676588

“That’s a real weight off my back. Thank you puny human and attractive stone ally, for helping me come to terms with myself.” They soar off into the sky.

“...so.”

“...so.”

“...third times the charm?”
>>
No. 676589 ID: f56624

...prostitutes?
>>
No. 676590 ID: 5ad4a7

>>676588
Uh, there aren't any other dragons nearby are there?

Oh well. How about that outsider you were talking about earlier?
>>
No. 676591 ID: 799984

Find a cute farmboy or something and make him your apprentice. He'll fall madly in love with you.

Sure, eventually he gets cursed or scorned or something and either dies tragically or usurps you, but till then it's all snuggles and shit.
>>
No. 676592 ID: b6eb03

You should really try tentacle monsters. Like...they give the best...

...hugs.
>>
No. 676593 ID: 6cb462

summon an incubus/succubus demon. They should be everything you want in a lover and more.
>>
No. 676594 ID: 72c7be

Well damn, that didn't work.

Time for a princess?
>>
No. 676595 ID: d4cfd6

>>676588
Wait wait, I got gender swap potions! We can make this woooooork!

Or what if we cast a spell and have the witch and familiar switch bodies? You find that thing attractive, right?

...

>“...third times the charm?”
Let's just kidnap a princess and defile her.
>>
No. 676596 ID: 3663d3

trying to make things take you hasn't worked, time to take things yourself.
>>
No. 676597 ID: a788b7

Step 1: Kidnap Maiden
Step 2: Steal her clothes
Step 3: hide Maiden somewhere else
Step 4: disguise self as maiden
Step 5: Lock self in dungeon
>>
No. 676599 ID: 2ccbb3

>>676588
Why do I get the feeling that he does not know the correct definition of "Homosexual"?

Whatever. Time to raid the local castle. Do whatever it takes to get the girl.

Screw it, get as many people as you can kidnap and don't be picky... just take anyone you can non-lethally takedown.

Begin the slaughter, and end a kingdom in your festering rage.
>>
No. 676600 ID: 066a87

Maybe she's got a curse
>>
No. 676602 ID: 0fc976

Try a wizard dating site?
>>
No. 676603 ID: defceb
File 144488515564.png - (89.45KB , 769x440 , f20.png )
676603

"Maybe instead of trying to get kidnapped you should be the one doing the kidnapping? You're a wizard, you can just make them love you."

"What like some kind of harem-gathering evil... over... lord...?"
>>
No. 676604 ID: defceb
File 144488518672.png - (95.17KB , 769x440 , f21.png )
676604

"...yes. Yes I think that's a brilliant idea. Familiar, please begin making evil overlord harem gathering plans."
>>
No. 676605 ID: f56624

>>676603
"Kay. Let's start over at the bishie kingdom, they tend to be deceptively strong so we need to quell their forces as soon as possible lest we be overrun with girly men with huge swords in a way we DON'T want.

After that, we move onto the bara tribes."
>>
No. 676606 ID: 5ad4a7

>>676604
As you wish, Master.
First, we survey opportunities. Scry around with a filter for attractive men and women. Then we put together a golem army and teleport them in to snatch the candidates.

We'll need an impenetrable fortress too. Time to step up security.
>>
No. 676607 ID: d4cfd6

>>676604
We will need to construct a magic housing for your harem. Perhaps we can contact the outsider for extra-dimensional space?

If someone tries to rescue the harem, you can pretend to be a harem girl, and get yourself rescued (from yourself) for extra loving. And then capture your rescuer and add them to the harem.
>>
No. 676611 ID: f0e552

>>676604
Find the hottest half-dragon half-human draconic dude out there.

scry that shit yo
>>
No. 676617 ID: 799984

You heard the lady, time to make some evil overlord harem gathering pants.
>>
No. 676618 ID: 2ccbb3

Start by baiting all the morons in a random kingdom into a deep, dark hole. Then watch the nation fall apart as you slowly capture everyone else during the ensuing civil war.
>>
No. 676626 ID: defceb
File 144489527151.png - (267.44KB , 817x864 , f22.png )
676626

The plan goes off without a hitch. After sneakily abducting all of the bara or bishounen men, legions of golems pour out of portals into the relatively unattractive kingdoms to kidnap every other attractive person they can find. Whether from a lack of emotional fulfillment or a sudden desire for power the wizard ends up conquering the entirety of human civilization before they’re satisfied.

She never does find true love, but at least she has an endless supply of cute boys to fill the hole in her heart. -wink-

THE END!

Paladins tossed: 1/1
Dragons dragged out of the closet: 1/1
Nations conquered: All of them/Quite a lot
Cute boys: All of them.
Illuminati plots exposed: 0/3
Wizard?: No sense of right or wrong/100
>>
No. 676627 ID: 99cfa8

Are we a pikmin? I'm pretty sure we're a pikmin.

>>676604
Alright, step one: build inescapable harem lair dungeon. Or invest in lots of love potions. That also works.

Step two is to scout for appropriately Stockholmable hunks. Or vixens. Whichever it is you're looking for.
>>
No. 676629 ID: 15fae4

>>676626

YOU DIDN'T DO OPERATION DRAGONFUCK RIGHT AT ALL. This is the WORST POSSIBLE END.
>>
No. 676630 ID: f0e552
File 144489699875.jpg - (258.06KB , 817x864 , HOLD UP.jpg )
676630

>>676626
>Illuminati plots exposed: 0/3
WAIT JUST A FUCKING MINUTE
>>
No. 676636 ID: aff068

>>676630
There are actually 7 Illuminati plots! The seventh one was making us believe there were only 3
>>
No. 676641 ID: 2ccbb3

How the @#$% do we look for Illuminati Plots? We REALLY want to start this side-quest but you don't give us ANY information to get STARTED!!!
>>
No. 676642 ID: 3663d3

>>676641
the joke







your head
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