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File 145375149239.png - (15.73KB , 500x500 , 2-1.png )
696969 No. 696969 ID: 3a9db6





It is with my kindest and dearest regards I bid you you farewell, my love. For how long, I know not.

Until next we meet, my thoughts will be of you. I dare not utter your name, for it fills me with melancholy and softens my spirit. You are my the wound the hobbles me and the cane that lets me walk.

With love and longing,

Cletus


Expand all images
>>
No. 696971 ID: b7e321

:|
>>
No. 696973 ID: bddd76

:|
>>
No. 696975 ID: eae933

:|
>>
No. 696978 ID: 15a025

Back story time?
>>
No. 696980 ID: fa8f9d
696980

>>696969
>>696969
>>696969
Cletus confirmed God of sex.
>>
No. 696981 ID: f56aab

So who is Cletus?
>>
No. 696990 ID: ba5f0b

>>696969
So... where is he going?
>>696980
Now that's what you call providence.
>>
No. 696991 ID: 2a7417

Stifle a snicker at the melodramatics.
>>
No. 696994 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375452521.png - (8.62KB , 500x500 , 2-2.png )
696994

>who is Cletus

You are Cletus, a lowly private. Thinking about what you have had to leave behind fills you with anxiety. You prefer to focus on your job, which is to obey your commanding officer and kill as many of the boys in blue as you possibly can. Today is your first day out of basic training, and you are a LINE INFANTRYMAN.

It is late in the evening and you’ve had nothing but a bowl of plain oats to eat. A battle was pitched in the field just east of your camp, but the enemy’s army has not shown up. Whispers of ambush are floating around your company.

Commander Wright: “Platoons, form up at the fire to receive orders: EIGHT! ELEVEN! TWELVE! FIFTEEN!”

The commander blows a whistle.

Twelfth. That’s you…
>>
No. 696995 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375453676.png - (11.91KB , 500x500 , 2-3.png )
696995

You form up.

Commander Wright: “A small enemy battalion has been spotted north comin’ southbound. It’s an ambush alright.”

Your insides knot up.

Commander Wright: “Twelfth, make a wide circle around the back of the oncoming battalion and fire at your officer’s signal. Fifteenth, wait for the first exchange and charge on my mark. Eighth and eleventh, follow the cavalry in. Is that CLEAR.”

“SIR, YES SIR.”

Commander Wright: “God be with you boys.”
>>
No. 696997 ID: 2a7417

Feel bad about snickering, then fall in line.
>>
No. 696998 ID: f56aab

Well I guess you should follow orders for now...err forever is what I meant. Certainly no thoughts of insubordination here.
>>
No. 697007 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375654610.png - (10.13KB , 500x500 , 2-4.png )
697007

You dropped the letter in the wooden letterbox back at camp. The courier get there ‘til the morning. You crack a smile at the strangest time. You s’pose it was a little maudlin.

She’s so sweet on you, though, that she won’t care. She’ll smile, too, and you can see it now. You’ve always been shy about looking the fool, but something about her takes away your fear. You straighten up and MARCH.

The woods are dark, but you can see the back of the orienteer’s coat as you follow.

The CO stops the platoon at the crest of a small bluff in the woods and looks on with his spyglass. You can just make out the tails of blue-coated soldiers vinestepping away from you in the distance.

CO: “Form up. By two, by two. Cadets!”

CO: “Preeeeeeesent!”

Yous CO swings out his arm.

CO: “FIRE!”
>>
No. 697008 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375655937.png - (9.52KB , 500x500 , 2-5.png )
697008

Your platoon forms up, takes aim, erupts in smoke and thunder.

The bluecoats ahead panic and begin to scatter. The private next to you falls on his face.

CO: “Abooooooouuuut face! Aboouuuuuut!”

About face? What?! WHAT?! That wasn’t part of the plan!

Two more men in your line fall. You panic.
>>
No. 697010 ID: f75656

I guess you either suck it up like a man or you run away like a man.
>>
No. 697011 ID: f56aab

Well obviously your enemy had plans too. It just turns out they had somehow managed to take your plan into account when making their own. You should probably turn around and see what you're dealing with.
>>
No. 697013 ID: 7153cd

Pray that this is all a dream and you wake up before you get shot in the back.
>>
No. 697014 ID: 2a7417

Go prone, you're less of a target. Oh, and reload! Quickly!
>>
No. 697015 ID: f56aab

>>697008
So does the name Lorraine mean anything to you?
>>
No. 697017 ID: fa8f9d

You probably won't be able to reload fast enough to make a difference. Hit the deck like you got shot and see if you can figure out your next move.
>>
No. 697025 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375815676.png - (6.78KB , 500x500 , 2-7.png )
697025

You drop to the down instinctively.

CO: “GET UP! GET UP!”

The noise around you is a confusing slur, and you find it nearly impossible to reload on the ground.
>>
No. 697026 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375818372.png - (8.59KB , 500x500 , 2-6.png )
697026

The ambush is well hidden behind a fallen maple tree. They fire once more before your platoon can finish reloading, killing many of them.

The enemy officer orders a charge, and your efforts divert to not shitting your pants. WHY

WHY MUST YOU BE SUCH A COWARD
>>
No. 697027 ID: 0ce8e0

Because you want to live, nothing wrong with that.
>>
No. 697028 ID: 15a025

Man up Cletus! Sounds like you got a girlfriend or a wife back home to defend. You gonna let these whimps push you around and...wait why are these guys attacking your place anyway?
>>
No. 697029 ID: 90f3c0

There is nothing you can do, there's no shame in not getting slaughtered in a hopeless battle. Hide among the corpses of your comrades like a sensible person.
>>
No. 697034 ID: fa8f9d

If you find your CO's corpse loot that shit! There is a very good chance he has a sidearm and possibly a saber.

Then this. >>697029
>>
No. 697037 ID: 5ea852

>>697026
FEAR IS THE FIRST STEP TO BRAVERY, MAGGOT! JUST AS PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY! YOU ARE A PROUD SON OF THE SOUTH! YOURS IS THE LAND OF WEALTH AND CULTURE! YOU WILL WIN THIS DAY, EVEN IF IT COSTS YOU THE CLEANLINESS OF YOUR UNDERPANTS!
>>
No. 697039 ID: 9ba13a

Make sure you are in the back of the charge, but don't fall behind or they'll execute you for desertion and cowardice.
>>
No. 697045 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376108906.png - (8.04KB , 500x500 , 2-9.png )
697045

>>697028
>>697037

No, now isn't the time for cowardice. Your life has just gained meaning. You have said time and again that you would die for your bonnie love, and now it is time to live up to your word, so


down with the eagle...
>>
No. 697046 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376110022.png - (12.32KB , 500x500 , 2-8.png )
697046

AND UP WITH THE CROSS
>>
No. 697054 ID: f56aab

Now where is that guy you don't see coming in the chaos of battle at?
>>
No. 697058 ID: 36a408

>>696969
Ooohhh, check'd.

>>697026
Hey, Cletus wouldn't happen to be your birth name, would it? Because, I've always been a fan of Charlemagne.
What I'm suggesting is that you run away as fast as you can with your tail between your legs, and change your identity.
>>
No. 697059 ID: 15a025

Duck down somewhere and reload. Also watch out for any cowards trying to get you in the rear.
>>
No. 697060 ID: 2a7417

Put that corpse between you and the enemy's guns! And knives, and slings, and arrows of outrageous fortune.
>>
No. 697062 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376326155.png - (6.47KB , 500x500 , 2-10.png )
697062

You couldn’t run if you wanted to. The battle is in full swing, and the platoon that your folk tried to ambush has joined the fray. The cavalry is nowhere to be seen. You still didn’t think you would get this far.
>>
No. 697063 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376327465.png - (6.93KB , 500x500 , 2-11.png )
697063

Hhnnnnnggg

Ok there’s that guy
>>
No. 697064 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376328667.png - (10.92KB , 500x500 , 2-12.png )
697064

You barely notice that you had been stabbed. You jerk forward off of the blade and return the gesture to your assailant.

It is getting hard to breathe, and you can no longer feel your arms, but you’re not dead yet. The skirmish has gravitated into the open, so you take cover behind the fallen maple. Your shirt is so soaked. that you feel like you’ve fallen in the river.

You begin to reload your rifle, but slowly with your shaking hands. You may just be delirious, but you think you hear hooves.
>>
No. 697065 ID: 5ad4a7

Make sure to get out of the way of the cavalry.
>>
No. 697068 ID: 15a025

We warned you Cletus! Take cover, hide, and try to just stay alive. Try to play dead or something.
>>
No. 697075 ID: f56aab

>>697065
This is true whether it is your cavalry or theirs you don't want to be in its way.
>>
No. 697081 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376428506.png - (6.46KB , 500x500 , 2-13.png )
697081

>play dead

You do suddenly feel like taking a quick nap, but there’s no time for that. You’ll miss the battle! You have found a save spot since the cavalry is coming from the south, and you are north of the battle.

Your rifle is loaded.

God: “Cletus”

You: “Huh? Who’s… who’s this?”

God: “God”

You: “Oh… hello. How are you”

God: “How am I? Wh-”

God: “What kind of question is that?”

God: “Ugh… never mind. Look out into the battle, Cletus.”
>>
No. 697082 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376430193.png - (8.59KB , 500x500 , 2-14.png )
697082

God: “See the guy there? With the stupid red belt and the saber?”

You: “yeah I sees ‘em, lord…”

God: “Shoot him
>>
No. 697084 ID: 40c872

You heard the man
>>
No. 697086 ID: 5ea852

Who are you to question the will of the Creator of All That Is?
>>
No. 697087 ID: f56aab

Make sure he is in a blue coat before you shoot him.
>>
No. 697088 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697082
Uh. Isn't that your CO, though?

You're hallucinating. Shoot someone wearing blue instead.
>>
No. 697091 ID: 5ea852

>>697087
>>697088
Don't let these doubters confuse you. You have a mission from God!
>>
No. 697093 ID: f29c01

Well there is the story of Isaac where he was stopped at the VERY last moment.
>>
No. 697095 ID: 15a025

Don't fall for it Cletus! God would never tell you to kill anyone. Find some asshole wearing blue and shoot him instead.
>>
No. 697097 ID: f2461f

Continue talking to "god", ask them why they want this dude shot.
>>
No. 697099 ID: 350a50

>>697082
You are an instrument of divine will, Cletus. Mow down this sinner.
>>
No. 697101 ID: 47160d

Huh apparently God is abolitionist, bit hypocritical considering Angels and all. But yeah shoot the guy, God says so right
>>
No. 697102 ID: 5ea852

>>697101
Both sides had red belts. Yellow ones too.

I doubt we can discern the colour of the uniform since both are the same colour when dirty.
>>
No. 697103 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697102
Well in that case so long as Cletus doesn't recognize him as one of his officers, it's probably ok to shoot.
>>
No. 697109 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376698790.png - (4.67KB , 500x500 , 2-15.png )
697109

You: “Why would I shoot him, lord?”

God: “He’s your enemy’s infantry officer, you idiot!”

You: “But… what if he’s my CO?”

God: “Look over there, your CO is dead!”

You: “Oh, right…”
>>
No. 697110 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376700091.png - (7.32KB , 500x500 , 2-16.png )
697110

Well, here goes nothin’. Your hands are shaking, your vision is blurred, and you can barely steady yourself.

You fire, and by some miracle… the officer topples onto his side. The enemy formation loosens momentarily as their chain of command is interrupted… just in time for Commander Wright to arrive with the cavalry. They ram through the enemy line and scatter the blue-coats.
>>
No. 697112 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376701475.png - (8.30KB , 500x500 , 2-17.png )
697112

You thank God for the freebie, then lie back to relax. The ground is nice and cool. In fact, everything is cool. Ice cold.

You [whispering]: “Alright! We did it, boys! We did it! Let’s have some beer…”

Your eyes drift shut, and your mind becomes distracted by pleasant thoughts of a night beneath a young oak tree in a little town called Coxwette…
>>
No. 697114 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376705532.png - (6.22KB , 500x500 , 2-18.png )
697114

You: “Wow, you look… eh… real nice, Ramona.”
>>
No. 697116 ID: ba5f0b

>>697114
Well, don't just look, stupid! Get in there!
>>
No. 697117 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697114
Ummmm ask if Sally's staying at a friend's house or something tonight.

Chuck do you know a guy named Cletus? Ancestor, maybe?
>>
No. 697118 ID: f56aab

I take it Sally isn't home at the moment.
>>
No. 697123 ID: 15a025

Ask her to sit under an oaktree with you and star gaze.
>>
No. 697124 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376877627.png - (7.20KB , 500x500 , 2-19.png )
697124

You don’t know of anyone named Cletus.

You: “I take it Sally isn’t home?”

Ramona: “She isn’t. She has to work late today since they received a large shipment of new books. I’m so proud of her work ethic.”

A silence follows, and Ramona wrings her hands a bit.
>>
No. 697125 ID: 5ea852

Find it hard to keep your hands off her.
>>
No. 697127 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697124
Ask her to check for dust in your room.
>>
No. 697128 ID: 211d83

Well then I guess we have some time to ourselves don't we?
>>
No. 697129 ID: f56aab

So what has the little maid been up to recently?
>>
No. 697131 ID: f6442a

Become deathly afraid of oak trees. Whatever you do, do *not* approach them after dark.
>>
No. 697135 ID: 2a2f8a

Doggy Style the Stylish Dog
>>
No. 697141 ID: f56aab

>>697135
Whoa man slow down. She considered it improper that her daughter's nightgown didn't go below the knee. I think she's going to want a bit more wooing first.
>>
No. 697147 ID: f0e552

>>697124
i wonder if she wants a hello kiss?
>>
No. 697148 ID: 3a9db6
File 145377488015.png - (8.79KB , 500x500 , 2-20.png )
697148

You: “It sounds like we have a little time to ourselves then, doesn’t it?”

Ramona: “Mhmm…”

You: “Say, have you dusted my bedroom, yet?”

Ramona: “I don’t believe I have.”

Ramona: “Did you want to make sure I do a thorough job?”

You look toward the foyer as if Sally could burst through at any moment. She doesn’t, so you follow Ramona upstairs.
>>
No. 697150 ID: 5ad4a7

At some point, you're gonna have to let her know this won't be an exclusive relationship.
>>
No. 697156 ID: f56aab

Make sure she gets the underside of the night stand very thoroughly cleaned. I hate dust on the bottom of my night stand.
>>
No. 697157 ID: 1129c9

>>697148
Oh no! This is not the time for your sudden onset chronic constipation to be acting up!
>>
No. 697158 ID: 0b66e1

>>697150
Not at this point!

>>697156
That works. Inspect her work from behind.
>>
No. 697166 ID: 3a9db6
File 145377721722.png - (9.97KB , 500x500 , 2-21.png )
697166

You: “The nightstand is a little dusty. Specifically the underside. All the way at the bottom, actually.”

Ramona pauses for a moment, then smiles.

Ramona: “Oh… oh! Of course. I’ll be sure to take my time and do it right.”

You: “Yeah, you better. I don’t want to see a single speck of dust when you’re done.”

Ramona: “Yes, of course… sir.”

She giggles. She still has a bit of a nervous quiver, but still seems to enjoy this quite a bit.
>>
No. 697167 ID: 3a9db6
File 145377723372.png - (7.86KB , 500x500 , 2-22.png )
697167

You are also enjoying it.
>>
No. 697173 ID: f0e552

>>697167
oh jeez how can we escalate this without sounding really corny
>>
No. 697175 ID: f6442a

>>697173
You can't. Embrace the corncob.
>>
No. 697176 ID: b88e47

Sneak up and stick your dick in it.
>>
No. 697177 ID: f56624

>>697167
"Don't forget to polish the posts."
>>
No. 697180 ID: 0b66e1

I suppose the next logical step is to come up behind her for an "inspection".
>>
No. 697181 ID: 1129c9

>>697167
Now fart
>>
No. 697183 ID: f0e552

>>697181
>>697157
>1129c9
>stop
>>
No. 697184 ID: 88e46e

>>697157
>>697181
Fuck off.
>>
No. 697185 ID: 1f8505

>>697167

Sweat uncontrollably.
>>
No. 697186 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697167
Grab that ass.
>>
No. 697187 ID: b44b0d
File 145377929688.png - (108.75KB , 872x947 , coxwettecatman.png )
697187

>>697167
>>697167
>>
No. 697188 ID: 600e3f

>>697166
When in doubt, slap that ass.
>>
No. 697189 ID: f6442a

>>697187
Wowie. Umm. I hope she does not turn around to see us like this.
>>
No. 697191 ID: 3e2cae

jizz in your pants.
>>
No. 697192 ID: 13ac27

i think you have some serious facial control issues
>>
No. 697195 ID: 6cb462

>>697187
I'm not gonna lie, that caught me off guard.
>>
No. 697198 ID: 88e46e

>>697189
>>697192
>>697191
That isn't the author, check the IDs.
>>
No. 697199 ID: fa8f9d

Then JIMMY THE NOOSE kicks the door down to steal your girl LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES!
>>
No. 697240 ID: 3a9db6
File 145378606442.png - (11.80KB , 500x500 , 2-23.png )
697240



This isn’t your first rodeo, and unless Sally’s adopted, it’s not hers either. Ramona is sending some pretty strong signals. You don’t think you need to make her clean up the whole room, either, so you’ll save the maid thing until she’s just your landlord again. Then it’s just her doing her job.

You waltz over and grab a handful of dogmom.

Ramona: “Oh!

Ramona: “Be gentle Chuck! I’m not a young woman anymore.”

You: “Well, you still got it back here.”

Ramona: “You’re making be blush…”


>>
No. 697242 ID: 600e3f

>>697240
Keep going! Almost there, man.
>>
No. 697244 ID: 6cb462

And then Sally enters.
>>
No. 697245 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697240
Tell her you can do more than that.
>>
No. 697246 ID: f0e552

>>697240
Enough cleaning, isn't the bed more comfortable than standing up?
>>
No. 697250 ID: fa8f9d

Nooooo fools! Smack her butt again and tell her to run you a bath. This will set the stage for hot sudsy action and keep the teasing going for just a bit longer.
>>
No. 697251 ID: b88e47

STICK YOUR DICK IN HER.
>>
No. 697260 ID: f6442a

Time for the ol' bump 'n grind.
>>
No. 697270 ID: f56aab

Press your chest against her back as you slowly guide our hands to her chest.
>>
No. 697272 ID: 904cc3

Fuck her already.
>>
No. 697275 ID: 5ea852

You know what would be maximum bummer?

If Ramona's husband decided to come back at this very precise moment.
>>
No. 697276 ID: fe06ff

>>697275
and then he speaks in a gruff voice "room for one more?"
>>
No. 697279 ID: 3641d4

Stab your mighty bayonet down her hole.
>>
No. 697291 ID: 5ea852

>>697279
>Stab your mighty bayonet down her foxhole.
FTFY.
>>
No. 697319 ID: fa8f9d

>>697276
Kept you waiting huh?
>>
No. 697337 ID: b44b0d

>>697244
enters You!
>>
No. 697359 ID: 79a07e

>>697245
Perfect. Say this.

THEN GET IT MANG
>>
No. 697455 ID: 15fae4

>>697240

get some
>>
No. 697461 ID: ac4405

>>697240
>>697244
>>697250
>>697275

Please no cockblock, please, quest-weaver-senpai.
Domo-arigato.
>>
No. 697471 ID: 3e2cae

Belly rubs! Belly Rubs!
>>
No. 697484 ID: 71aff6

>>697471
NO! GET OUT OF HERE YOU PERVERT.
>>
No. 697496 ID: 4e4f2c

SLAP HER ASS
>>
No. 697550 ID: de28a4

>>697484
Excuse me? You get out of here, asshole.
>>
No. 697556 ID: 615851

>>697550
Hes joking, like the 'holding hands too lewd' thing. (Least i hope he is)

Give that dog a bone.
>>
No. 697562 ID: 0c9c2d

>>697556
Oh! I'm sorry for overreacting. I completely misinterpreted that.
>>
No. 697587 ID: 3a9db6
File 145392821456.png - (14.51KB , 500x500 , 2-24.png )
697587



You: “Watch, I’ll make you do a lot more than blush.”

The poor lady moves like a virgin. It really has been a while for her. You untie her apron and let it fall to the floor, then hike up her skirt enough to spank that flank, then make with the bumping and grinding.

Ramona: “Ooh!”

Your thoughts drift back to the quiet morning, lying in bed with half your body nestled between her legs. It’s different this evening, but no less warm, and very plush. You nibble on her neck, since she seemed to like that this morning, and it’s very effective. Her body jolts with excitement, and she pushes back against you for the first time. Ok, your dick is on fire now, but you've never been one to rush things.

You: “Heh… there we go. Just gotta wake that young lady up.”

Ramona: “I can’t believe we’re doing this. Do you think we need a… you know…”

Oh crap, don't say it lady...


>>
No. 697589 ID: 628856

whisper all sexy in her ear,

"Do you want to use one?"

Then pray she says no, but be prepared to pull out.
>>
No. 697590 ID: fa8f9d

Just run out of the house as fast as you can and go get some rubber from the deer. I believe in you chuck.
>>
No. 697593 ID: 904cc3

hell no to rubbers. dont ruin the current situation with her getting into it.
>>
No. 697595 ID: 5ad4a7

Condom!

GET YE PROTECTION
>>
No. 697596 ID: 4854ef

Well she's got one other hole that doesn't make a baby.
>>
No. 697597 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697596
Two, even!
>>
No. 697600 ID: b8d5aa

>>697587

> "Do you think we need a… you know…"

the answer to this question is 'no'
>>
No. 697601 ID: 5ea852

>>697596
>>697597
I don't think this is related to baby-making.

More like...general safety. That other hole especially shouldn't be done without a condom.
>>
No. 697602 ID: 3e2cae

Put on a condom, fool.
>>
No. 697603 ID: fa8f9d

Wait. Can't you guys just do some non penetration stuff. I sincerely doubt this lady could go again after one orgasm so maybe just 69 and rubbing and shit?
>>
No. 697608 ID: a0dc47

>>697587
Cockblocked by your own lack of preparatiom.
Hopefully they sell those here in town, otherwise you'll be the one who's boned.
>>
No. 697611 ID: 2a7417

We don't need a camera. We'll make this a night to remember.
>>
No. 697619 ID: 3e2cae

>>697603
Women don't have a refractory period.
>>
No. 697621 ID: f20f1b

dont be a fool, wrap your tool
>>
No. 697623 ID: f02a77

No, dude, you cam to this town to lie low, not to get tied down with an illegitimate child.

If she has a sexy maid outfit I'm willing to bet she has a condom laying around, somewhere.
>>
No. 697636 ID: bb78f2

>>697587
There's always Plan B pills, you know. They're NOT abortion pills or bad for you, they're just post sex anti-conception pills like birth control.
You don't have diseases (that you've told us about, you don't have any right), she probably has only been with one man in her life, she's asking YOU which means she doesn't think she has any.

If you have something or think you do, don't do this.
>>
No. 697640 ID: 15a025

Come on Chuck, rule one is always carry a little armor on ya.
Also has she been tested for STDs?
>>
No. 697641 ID: b88e47

Condom or pill or don't do it. Sorry, man.
>>
No. 697642 ID: c3110b

Just do it, don't ruin the mood. You're gonna be out of town sometime soon if all goes well anyway, right? What would you care for consequences!
>>
No. 697643 ID: 1009ca

FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY
>>
No. 697645 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697636
Good point.

Also, pulling out does work if you don't fuck it up.
>>
No. 697646 ID: b44b0d

>>697587

also, even if Sally should show up, don't stop. people don't usually stop sexing just because someone else walks in on it. That only happens in movies.
>>
No. 697651 ID: 530bc3

>>697636
they fuck up the woman's internal hormones or whatever and the next period is irregular and obnoxious shit like that, lets not put her through that, ay?

come on dude im betting shes prepared, she has a sexy maid outfit for fucks sake

pulling out doesnt always work, because sperm can be released (in like, one spermatozoa at a time or whatever) as early as u get a hardon, so like, the last thing you want is a baby and asking her if shes in menopause is the biggest moodkiller i can think of
>>
No. 697653 ID: c2318b

C'mon, Chuck! You've been in this situation enough times to know how to handle yourself.
>>
No. 697717 ID: 15fae4

wrap it up

ramona is beautiful but we don't want baby end just yet
>>
No. 697749 ID: b8d5aa

we don't even know if she's asking about a rubber

besides she is a DOG and our hero is clearly a CAT

stop overthinking it
>>
No. 697753 ID: 8340ec

"A Safeword? Oh Ramona, you're even naughtier than I thought~!"
>>
No. 697757 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697753
This.
>>
No. 697759 ID: 31ee9a

>>697753
Yes.
>>
No. 697760 ID: f0e552

>>697587
oh shit, uh, do we have any? we really really can't knock anyone up..

But if we don't have one... Who said we had to do it that way? There's lots of other ways you can do this without sticking it in there.

Of course, we can come back to doing it properly when we acquire a condom after we're done with her...
>>
No. 697763 ID: 600e3f

>>697587
Is this even a universe where different species can get pregnant from another? If not, then besides the stray STD I say fuck the condom!
>>
No. 697765 ID: 480182

Whisper "a what?" as if you're having her say something dirty as a sexy thing. That'll clarify matters.
>>
No. 697778 ID: cc8fa0

>>697765
I support this one.
>>
No. 697850 ID: a788b7

just put it in the butt then it's fine
>>
No. 697856 ID: f02a77

>>697765
Alternatively: Just wait for her to finish her dang sentence.
>>
No. 697858 ID: 3a9db6
File 145401124741.png - (9.20KB , 500x500 , 2-25.png )
697858



The eternal struggle between your brain and your dick rages. Every biological instinct you have is throbbing for you to rip off those frillies and go to town, but your responsibilities and cautions get the better of you. You’re clean of disease as far as you know, and you’re willing to give Ramona the benefit of the doubt. As for pregnancy… it’s possible. Interspecies pairs are less fertile, but can certainly conceive. The offspring has a 50% chance to take on one species or the other. Historically not great odds for the married ladies you’ve been with.

You are generally prepared for this with a couple of rubbers in your wallet, but you had to abandon that when you went into hiding. It’s in a sewer somewhere miles away from your briefcase of sweet, sweet bank bux.

You: “You got any? You had this sexy maid costume…”

Ramona: “Uh… costume?”

You: “…”

You: “Don’t tell me it’s…”

Ramona: “Y-yes, it belonged to my great, great grandfather’s handmaiden. The house was once very-”

You: “Hush. Don’t spoil the moment, you naughty maid.”

Ramona giggles again.

Ramona: “Oh, whoops!”



>>
No. 697860 ID: 5ad4a7

Less fertile + pulling out = haha go for it.
>>
No. 697866 ID: 5b12a0

I don't recommend cunnilingus with your cat tongue, but yeah as long as you remember to pull out in time you should be okay. Grab a hand full of titty and get busy!
>>
No. 697869 ID: b8d5aa

>>697858

what do you care? you're not planning on sticking around long anyway.
>>
No. 697874 ID: 4201a2

>>697858
You've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?
>>
No. 697876 ID: 15a025

Just don't forget to pull out.
>>
No. 697887 ID: f02a77

Yeah, you're too deep into this, man. In more ways than one.

Ask if she's okay with like, anal or something. And there still is pulling-out if she says 'no'.
>>
No. 697927 ID: 3a9db6
File 145403161340.png - (10.17KB , 500x500 , 2-27.png )
697927



You peel down her undies, hoping those aren’t heirlooms, too. They don’t look like Victorian bloomers, so you’re probably safe. You fiddle with your own jeans to give little Charlemagne some fresh air, pressing it against her backside for warmth. You are happy with your decision. Besides… isn’t the Shoppe Stoppe closed by now? Probably.

You give her another playful spank.

You: “I’ll pull out. Don’t worry.”

You’re confident. Granted, you’re no Jimmy the Noose, but you’re pretty decent at keeping all the rats out of the cellar.

Ramona: “Ok. Be gentle…”

Oh shit this is gonna be so sweet. You’re getting the ol’ pregame rush, your heart pounding and your stomach filling with static.


>>
No. 697928 ID: 3a9db6
File 145403163074.png - (10.13KB , 500x500 , 2-26.png )
697928



With a little guidance from your hand, you slip your dick down between Ramona’s thighs. You can’t see what’s going on down there, so you just kind of push until it slides into place. It’s a little dry on the outside, but Ramona slinks her hand down to spread herself open. At that moment, everything starts go very smoothly.

Ramona blows out her mouth, shaking from shoulder to hip. You speak to her in your softest, most seductive voice. The old room echoes a little, and it helps.

You: “Relax, Ramona. Sss… yeah, there we go. Nice and slow.”

Ramona: “Sorry. Still nervous, it’s been… oh god… twenty years.”

Holy shit, really? This should count as community service. You lean forward and moan into her ear, real quiet like. It always drives the ladies crazy when they know you’re loving it. Ramona shivers and shakes her hips right and left until you’re as far in as you’ll ever be. Her butt’s like a big pillow.

S o c a s h


>>
No. 697929 ID: 15fae4

>>697928

RIP AND TEAR
>>
No. 697931 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697928
She said gentle so give it to her gentle.
For a while anyway. I'm sure you can speed up at some point.
>>
No. 697933 ID: cc8fa0

You making them titties bounce yet?
>>
No. 697935 ID: 5ea852

Bust out some trick moves so she gets addicted to your cock and becomes open to all sorts of depravity.

Just like in Japanese animes!
>>
No. 697943 ID: 4a684e

>>697933
>Make them titties bounce

Please, Ramona's a far more refined woman than that. Now make that booty clap, so it's awkward for everyone within earshot for the next few days.
>>
No. 697944 ID: 600e3f

>>697928
Alright man, if she has a big ass then it's time to make that bitch jiggle!
>>
No. 697964 ID: edca60

>>697928
Twenty years, huh?

All right, you heard her. Be gentle - very gentle - at first. Let her ease back in to the flow of things and realize she can take more.

Then take her on a ride worth the twenty-year wait.
>>
No. 697966 ID: 75d4b8

>>697964
yup
continue with the playful spanking, she seems to like it
>>
No. 697967 ID: 5de330

Release the titties while your at it!
>>
No. 697969 ID: 3a9db6
File 145403755870.png - (11.90KB , 500x500 , 2-28.png )
697969



You shrug off your cardigan and drop your drawers just to get comfy.

>jiggle

Now we’re talkin’. Ramona is getting a little less shaky and a lot more vocal. You take that as your cue to speed up and getting clapping. Sure enough, the echo in the old house carries through the door and down the hallway. Luckily no one else is home. Ramona’s body quakes, and her cunt snatches down around you. You murmur in her ear again.

You: “Someone’s enjoying herself.”

Ramona: “Oh! I’m sorry, am I being too loud? I didn’t even…”

You just laugh and tell her it’s ok. You like a noisy bitch.

Oh shit, you might have accidentally actually said that to her out loud. At least it is the technically correct term.


>>
No. 697970 ID: 3a9db6
File 145403761149.png - (5.71KB , 500x500 , 2-29.png )
697970



clap clap clap clap

Oooh yeah… soooo comfy. Getting warmer. Waaaarrrmmerrrr…


>>
No. 697971 ID: 3a9db6
File 145403766363.png - (6.05KB , 500x500 , 2-30.png )
697971



Sally: “Mamaaaa! I’m home!”

A distant voice

Downstairs…

You hear the front doors of the Plath House close.


>>
No. 697974 ID: 15fae4

>>697971

"...Do you happen to be an exhibitionist?"
>>
No. 697975 ID: 5b12a0

ABORT ABORT! ENGAGE STEALTH MODE!

Duck under bed, continue to fuck if space is available.
>>
No. 697976 ID: 1a8f7c

Hide in a closet or something without pulling out and quietly keep going. Principles and priorities, Chucktholomeus. Your honor is at stake.
>>
No. 697977 ID: 4a684e

Duck under skirting, continue manual stimulation until dogdaughter goes away. Flawless plan.
>>
No. 697978 ID: 08f784

>>697976
>>
No. 697979 ID: edca60

>>697971
Change of plans: NOW it's time to be quiet!

But do NOT leave her unsatisfied! You have a community service to perform!

And for that matter,
>>697970
Be careful! You promised you'd pull out!
>>
No. 697980 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697971
Pull out, get to the bathroom. Finish there while she makes herself presentable.
>>
No. 697981 ID: 15a025

Sounds like it's time for a twosome.
>>
No. 697983 ID: fa8f9d

>>697976
Aw heeeeeelllll yeah. And commence sloppy make outs to stop her from moaning too loud. But you really gotta be careful cause I doubt your pull out game is strong is such a confine space.
>>
No. 697987 ID: cc8fa0

Turn off the lights and keep the noise down. No point in Mrs. Plath making herself presentable since Sally will wonder why she's in a maid outfit. Best to make her think we're not here.
>>
No. 697989 ID: aea744

pull out, give her butt a smack, tell her to go say hello to her daughter and meet you in your bedroom later.
>>
No. 697990 ID: 265534

Clearly pulling out just as Sally walks in so she can see a penis ejaculate up her mother's back is the best thing to do
>>
No. 698000 ID: 06b6fc

>>697971
Convince Sally that no-one is home by hiding in the closet and continuing stealthily. You'd better be good; I have a feeling that getting caught fucking the mother will lessen our chances at getting with the daughter.
I mean, unless she's into that.

P.S.
Twenty years without sex? I thought Sally was 18.
>>
No. 698002 ID: 15a025

>>698000
How old is Ramona again?
>>
No. 698004 ID: 5b12a0

Either mommy dearest made some bad decisions in her youth or she is a lot older than she looks. Either way, it doesn't matter, proceed.
>>
No. 698005 ID: 3a9db6
File 145404644885.png - (10.73KB , 500x500 , 2-32.png )
698005



You grudgingly pull out of Ramona, take her by the waist, and lead her into the closet. Your heart is beating like a war drum, and you are aching to nut.

Ramona [whispering]: “Eeehehehehe, Chuck… this is so bad.”

You [whispering]: “Shhh. I’m gonna keep fucking you now, but you’ve got to be quiet.”

For such a large bedroom, this closet is inconveniently small for sexual purposes. You can’t even fit a doggystyle in.

Sally passes through the hallway, yawning audibly.

Sally: “Mom?”

She walks up to the door of your room.

Sally: “Chuck? Are you in there?”

She knocks on the door.


>>
No. 698006 ID: edca60

>>698005
With her, all sex is doggystyle.
>>
No. 698007 ID: 1a8f7c

Cover her mouth with one hand, tell her you're going to come in before Sally does, and then do so. Squeeze her rump region extra hard for bonus points.

Do not be a quitter now, Chuckrow Wilson.
>>
No. 698008 ID: 628856

Ninja hump, engage.
>>
No. 698009 ID: 5ad4a7

No, do pull out.

Try to make as little noise as possible so that she just goes to bed.
>>
No. 698010 ID: 08f784

Yeah, ignore Sally. >>698009
>>
No. 698011 ID: 904cc3

>>698005
dont wuss out man. grind it in there if ya have to. bust that nut in that dog.
>>
No. 698012 ID: edca60

>>698005
If you're feeling daring, you can make it a challenge. See how close you can get her to making a sound while she tries to stay quiet!

Otherwise, don't answer Sally: if she decides to snoop she'll deserve what she gets. But there isn't anything in this closet she might be coming to get, is there?
>>
No. 698017 ID: b8d5aa

"d-don't come in! i'm indecent!"
>>
No. 698018 ID: 5812ad

>>698009
Aye, don't be a total prick. Do what you said you'd do. But, uh, you might not wanna get it all over her, cause uh, I bet that's not easy to get outta fur. At all.
But you know what's harder to get out? Babies.
>>
No. 698023 ID: d9b2eb

Finish outside. Never forget that.
>>
No. 698062 ID: 9c6d36

be a(n irrisponsible) man; get caught by the daughter while banging her mom
>>
No. 698181 ID: fa8f9d

Aw shit isn't the light on? Fuck it. Pull out and grind between her legs and lips and keep massaging those breasts.
>>
No. 699116 ID: 3a9db6
File 145465176214.png - (8.51KB , 500x500 , 2-33.png )
699116



Ramona: “Ooo… ooo-hoo-”

Ramona begins to clench and groan, so you kiss her to shut her up. Her orgasm makes her rattle the overworked shoe-shelf she is seated on in the closet. For a moment, you feel like your whole body is wrapped up in her, and blowing your load up in that seems like the best idea you’ve ever had. You know what, fuck iT, YOU CAN WORRY ABOUT IT L A T E R

NNNNNN


>>
No. 699117 ID: 3a9db6
File 145465178785.png - (12.49KB , 500x500 , 2-34.png )
699117



WAIT

WHOOPS, NO

That was way too close. You pull out and make a few primitive bumps and grinds between her legs before making a hot mess all over her priceless heirloom uniform.

Way too close.


>>
No. 699118 ID: 3a9db6
File 145465180814.png - (52.84KB , 500x500 , 2-35.png )
699118

>>
No. 699126 ID: 5ad4a7

>>699118
Take a moment to recover before peeking out of the closet.
>>
No. 699148 ID: f0e552

I do think it would be important to point out that people can still get pregnant even if you pull out, BUT, what are even the chances of that happening? ha ha ha
>>
No. 699169 ID: 220745

Good job! Remain in stealth mode, try and ninja out of closet. Get cleaned up and decide what (or who) to do next.
>>
No. 699170 ID: 5ad4a7

If the coast is clear you can do some pillow talk, and maybe help clean up that dress.
>>
No. 699191 ID: 796324

Looks like you might still be hard. Are you going to need a second round?
>>
No. 699303 ID: 3a9db6
File 145471128501.png - (13.57KB , 500x500 , 2-36.png )
699303

You peek out of the closet. Sally didn’t enter your bedroom, and probably continued on to her own.

You have a good stretch - you haven’t felt this good in weeks. All it needs is a cigarette and some… whiskey. Oh right. There’s none.

Ramona [shouting]: “Hold on, be right there! I’m coming!”

You: “Twice in a row? Slow down, mama.”

Ramona giggles and swats your arm.

Ramona: “Oh hush. You’re terrible.”

Ramona puts on the remainder of her maid outfit before realizing that she can’t very well wear it out of the room.

Ramona: “Uh… I didn’t… I didn’t think about this.”
>>
No. 699305 ID: 5ad4a7

>>699303
Oh shit. She'll have to either ditch the outer layer of the outfit and hope the inner layer is still decent, or wear some of your clothes.

It'd be suspicious but not jizz-on-dress suspicious.
>>
No. 699316 ID: f0e552

>>699303
hold on a cotton picking minute, were we not just in closet!? What's in there?
>>
No. 699319 ID: edca60

>>699303
Yes, raid the closet for a new outfit for her. Paper doll mode GO!

Alternatively, if there's nothing to be found in there, both of you strip down, put on the bedsheets, and invite Sally to the toga party you're obviously throwing. (Clearly a flawless alibi!)
>>
No. 699321 ID: 29c4aa

>>699319
a toga party is a WONDERFUL idea!
>>
No. 699340 ID: b16ad8

Is there a shower nearby? You, get your pants on, see about aquiring whiskey. Tell Ramona to hop in the shower as a cover
>>
No. 699352 ID: 796324

Offer to go to her room to get her an outfit. I always wanted someone to give me permission to snoop through their things.
>>
No. 699362 ID: 02422f

>>699303
Yeah, quick, assemble something new from the closet. Hide the heirlooms for later cleaning.
>>
No. 699380 ID: 3a9db6
File 145472568797.png - (10.58KB , 500x500 , ramona_paperdoll.png )
699380

You search the closet for something that will fit Ramona’s rubenesque figure. The clothes range from mid-century to… older.
>>
No. 699381 ID: 15fae4

>>699380

that's actually kinda hot
>>
No. 699383 ID: 15a025

>>699381
OH. MY GOD!
Jokes aside let's go with the older mid century clothes. You wouldn't be sexing it up in some dusty old rags anyway because that'd ruin them.
>>
No. 699399 ID: 4a684e

>>699381
Seconding this.
>>
No. 699406 ID: 9dc8a9
File 145473134656.jpg - (163.33KB , 700x530 , fe_gwar.jpg )
699406

>>699380
Something that's not too sexy as to prevent tipping her daughter off to your relationship, but also not something so gothic that it would completely stifle her figure.
Perhaps one of pic related would do?
totally want to wear https://boldmode.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/my-fair-lady-041.jpg, but I feel that that might draw too much attention to her. What does /quest/ think?
>>
No. 699407 ID: 9dc8a9

>>699406
Something weird happened to the link, you'll have to remove the ending comma from the url.
Alternatively:
https://boldmode.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/my-fair-lady-041.jpg
>>
No. 699419 ID: 8840cf

>>699406
Out of those four, I say the 1914 dress would look good on her.
>>
No. 699438 ID: 8340ec

>>699380
Strip her to get a better idea of what you're working with.

For fashion's sake.
>>
No. 699492 ID: 3a9db6
File 145478449327.png - (13.69KB , 500x500 , 2-38.png )
699492

You find Ramona a decent dress from this century. It’s pretty subdued and looks rather like something she would wear anyway.

Ramona: “Do I look ok?”
>>
No. 699493 ID: 3a9db6
File 145478451042.png - (10.12KB , 500x500 , 2-39.png )
699493

You: “Better than ok. Maybe not for long, though.”

Your hands seem to send a shock through her body. She stiffens and gasps.

Ramona: “Oh! Where does all your energy come from? I feel like a teenager again…”

She pauses for a beat.

Ramona: “You… must be popular with the younger women.”
>>
No. 699494 ID: 3a9db6
File 145478452158.png - (9.11KB , 500x500 , 2-40.png )
699494

uh
>>
No. 699496 ID: 5ad4a7

She's very subtly asking if you're gonna be a huge slut around town.

Say yes.
>>
No. 699497 ID: 47160d

Well say yes, we never planned on monogamy anyway
>>
No. 699498 ID: bf53e4

Say you'd hope to be popular with every kind of women, as all right-thinking men should.
>>
No. 699499 ID: 4a684e

Admit it but don't be obvious. Say something along the lines of "Well the ladies I've been with never complained." Ambiguous and doesn't come across as slutty
>>
No. 699501 ID: 9b8185

>>699499
add a bit of flattery to distract her from the point, something like: "...especially when they are as intoxicating as you are."
>>
No. 699511 ID: b16ad8

>>699499
I like it, let's go with this
>>
No. 699525 ID: 5ea852

>>699499
Add some shit about younger women not knowing how to appreciate what you do.
>>
No. 699526 ID: 3a9db6
File 145480599185.png - (7.07KB , 500x500 , 2-41.png )
699526

You: “Heh, well, the ladies I’ve been with have never complained.”

Ramona: “Ladies… oh.”

Ramona: “I see…”

Ramona looks away.

Ramona: “I wish I could share a bed with you tonight. I… I must sound like a desperate old fool. I have to go.”

She leaves the room, calling for Sally as she reaches the end of the hall.
>>
No. 699527 ID: 47160d

Well I suppose that could of gone worse
>>
No. 699528 ID: c17e75

Congratulations! you screwed it up... at least she doesn't look too heartbroken... Anyway, shower and go to sleep, theres not much more you can do today...
>>
No. 699531 ID: f0e552

>>699526
we'll need to dwell on a way to not make her feel inadequate, I think she needs to understand that we pretty much aren't very picky with people, and even then, if we were picky Ramona would still be someone we wouldn't mind being with.
>>
No. 699533 ID: 3a9db6
File 145480757434.png - (25.85KB , 500x500 , 2-42.png )
699533

Hey, you figure it’s not your fault if the old lady thought you were gonna marry her or some shit. You know she’s not that stupid, and you’re sure she’ll get over it. You’re just glad you got to hit. You take a nice, long shower and go to bed.

Ramona leaves leaves you breakfast on your bedside table again the next morning, but doesn’t wake you up for it.
>>
No. 699534 ID: 3a9db6
File 145480759136.png - (8.45KB , 500x500 , 2-43.png )
699534

You head to work the next morning.

Marcie: “Gooood morning, Chuck.”

Marcie: “I hope my favoritest and onliest employee is feeling as super as I am today!”

You don’t think you’ve ever felt as super as Marcie feels on any day of your life.

You: “Doing great, Marcie. I’m right on time today.”

Marcie: “Yup! And it’s FRIDAY. Get to it!”
>>
No. 699535 ID: bf53e4

Iiiiis there something special about Friday? I was under the impression that bakeries were still open at weekends, just for shorter hours. Are there places that close up earlier on Friday around here? Does the delivery route have to go faster?

I know it's not the date she's referring to, that's Saturday.
>>
No. 699541 ID: 9b8185

>>699535
Maybe she is just excited about the date and wants us to make sure we don't forget the fact that our date is tomorrow . In any case, assure her that we haven't forgotten.
>>
No. 699547 ID: 5ad4a7

>>699534
Same route as yesterday. It worked without complaints then, it should work now!
>>
No. 699647 ID: 59cf58

>>699534
That does NOT look like how a joyful person should.
Ask her if she's actually feeling as super as she says.
>>
No. 699651 ID: 5ad4a7

>>699647
What do you mean? Big grin, eyebrows up. That's a happy face.
>>
No. 699665 ID: 3a9db6
File 145483924833.png - (8.11KB , 500x500 , 2-44.png )
699665

>>699647

It’s not a fake smile. You know because… you just know. Marcie is a happy person and it ticks you off a bit.

Just like yesterday, you start with the café.

Penny: “Aww yeah. Look at those hot buns. You know what happens when the buns are hot? People buy more. You done good, hon.”

You aren’t really sure if she is talking about the pastries.

“Psst… Chuck. Chuck.”
>>
No. 699666 ID: 3a9db6
File 145483926376.png - (3.01KB , 500x500 , 2-45.png )
699666

Someone is calling you from behind one of the booths.

YOU WONDER WHO IT COULD BE
>>
No. 699667 ID: 15fae4

>>699666 (checked, SATAN)

get that mouse out of there that's not an appropriate place for mice
>>
No. 699669 ID: bb78f2

>>699665
Weird, I wonder if, like, actually getting laid makes you more attractive to the ladies.
Strange power, Chuck. Strange power.
>>
No. 699693 ID: 796324

Are those mouse ears? Is it time for more pranking?
>>
No. 699703 ID: 40c6ad

Check in quick. If it looks like taking a while, say you're on the clock and'll talk later, and go!

By the way, idea for later: tell Sally you want to get her mother a gift for being so hospitable, and ask if she knows her measurements. Then you can go to the tailor and get her something nice.
>>
No. 699733 ID: 02422f

>>699666
Peek over the booth.
>>
No. 699748 ID: f5e25e

>>699693
Well, we already got meta-pranked once. Hopefully it's time for real pranks, now that the hazing's over.
>>
No. 699749 ID: 3a9db6
File 145486942006.png - (6.72KB , 500x500 , 2-46.png )
699749

You peek over the back of the booth.

Naz: “Hello Chuck.”

You: “Hey Naz-”

Naz: “Shh. Keep your voice down.”

You: “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

Naz: “I’m on my way home from installing the computer at the schoolhouse. Say, do you have a quick minute or two to help me with something?”

You: “Is it a prank?”

Naz: “It’s not not a prank.”
>>
No. 699750 ID: 3a9db6
File 145486943134.png - (40.58KB , 500x500 , 2-47.png )
699750

y/n
>>
No. 699756 ID: 600e3f

>>699750
Fuck it, let's do it.
>>
No. 699757 ID: 47160d

uhhhhh this seems like the worst possible place to prank
>>
No. 699762 ID: 796324

While it would eat up some of our time for delivering, we could negate that by having her take the Library order to Sally in our stead. Go for it.
>>
No. 699763 ID: b16ad8

Okay, but what will I get out of it?
>>
No. 699764 ID: f02a77

Incidentally, from this angle Naz looks kinda like she's nude. heheheh
>>
No. 699767 ID: 15a025

Tell her we'll prank after work. We've got toasty buns to deliver.
>>
No. 699768 ID: 5ad4a7

>>699762
Clever!
>>
No. 699770 ID: 6cb462

Yes, time for a prank break.
>>
No. 699771 ID: 980f37

>>699750
y y y y y y y
>>
No. 699772 ID: 02422f

>>699750
yyyyyyynyyy
>>
No. 699783 ID: 3a9db6
File 145487344856.png - (6.06KB , 500x500 , 2-48.png )
699783

You: "Alright, spill it."

Naz: "Excellent. I am going to distract Penny..."

You: "Ok."

Naz: "And I want you to take this water-based white paint to the café sign outside."
>>
No. 699784 ID: 3a9db6
File 145487346261.png - (30.78KB , 500x500 , 2-49.png )
699784

[paint the sign]
>>
No. 699785 ID: 4a684e

Farting Ass Cafe, obvs
>>
No. 699786 ID: 8679fe
File 145487409954.png - (27.81KB , 500x500 , hm.png )
699786

you didn't specify to paint the whole thing, technically
>>
No. 699789 ID: 40c6ad
File 145487493131.png - (26.17KB , 500x500 , 145487346261.png )
699789

>>699785

Too pedestrian.

Make a statement.
>>
No. 699791 ID: f02a77
File 145487501247.jpg - (48.17KB , 200x200 , 145487346261s copy.jpg )
699791

It's too easy.
>>
No. 699792 ID: fa9b55

Nah just paint over the 'H'

"Farting Passion Cafe" sounds worse somehow.
>>
No. 699799 ID: b8d5aa
File 145487671742.png - (36.17KB , 500x500 , too_obvious.png )
699799

>>
No. 699801 ID: 15fae4
File 145487704758.png - (22.60KB , 500x500 , signprank.png )
699801

>>699784

fucking classic they'll never see it coming
>>
No. 699803 ID: 985eb6
File 145487758687.png - (28.56KB , 500x500 , ass.png )
699803

>>
No. 699809 ID: 02422f

>>699784
Change the pieces of wheat into dicks.
>>
No. 699825 ID: 15a025
File 145487915521.png - (20.39KB , 500x500 , asscafe.png )
699825

It's the best I could do.
>>
No. 699836 ID: 4201a2
File 145488029471.png - (13.76KB , 500x500 , 145487346261b.png )
699836

>>699825
I'll raise you one.
>>
No. 699838 ID: 7b65b9
File 145488031897.png - (13.08KB , 200x200 , 145487346261s.png )
699838

>>
No. 699839 ID: 9f2a6a

First check the paint! Is it easy to get off?
>>
No. 699845 ID: b31734

>>699839
now that you mention it, are we sure this isn't another double-cross from Naz?
>>
No. 699859 ID: c22069

Yeah check the paint, then look for Cops and Witnesses before you start, then get it done quick and jet to your next delivery.
>>
No. 699862 ID: f02a77

Actually, don't do anything. This MIGHt be a double-prank situation here. She said to just BRING the paint to the sign, not to actually do anything with it, so she might be pranking you by tricking you into pranking the cafe, and can deny any responsibility for it due to her wording.
>>
No. 699873 ID: 3f9dc0

>>699799
Quick, simple, and not excessively vulgar has its merits
>>
No. 699875 ID: ea47b4

Yeah this is definitely a recipe for disaster.
Naz said take the paint there... So take it there and leave it there

If we paint the sign we could lose out on the chance to bone a hot cat girl
>>
No. 699876 ID: c13c21

What if we just trace the letters on the sign, so we're actually just touching up the sign and making it stand out more, to bring in customers?
>>
No. 699877 ID: c3cb2b

>>699838
I want this one because it's sillier, and >>699836 got some audible giggles out of me, but we also have a date with the owner of this fine establishment tomorrow. She's more likely to get mad about "FART IN ASS CAFÉ" than she would about "Farting Passion Café," as depicted in >>699799.
>>
No. 699878 ID: f02a77

>>699877
Aren't we going on our a date with our boss, the bakery cat lady, not the Café cat lady?
>>
No. 699915 ID: 99a64d

>>699836
I want this one
>>
No. 699917 ID: ab9ddd
File 145489183193.png - (27.41KB , 500x500 , howqueer.png )
699917

Buckwheat and I have been doing shit like this in the dis-thread for almost two weeks.
>>
No. 699918 ID: ab9ddd

>>699917
Oh and Boxdog was there too.
>>
No. 699920 ID: bc99a6

>>699799
This.
>>
No. 699921 ID: b31734

>>699878
Yes but they are related and if we cause to much trouble here it might lead to big trouble for us later. If we must then let us keep it low key. Or, we could find some way to turn this back on Naz. "Eye for an eye" as the old saying goes.
>>
No. 699922 ID: f56624

>>699838
this one is honestly the funniest, I'm throwing in with that
>>
No. 699925 ID: 40c6ad

Really I think prank painting a sign on the main road of the town in the middle of the day when we're supposed to be working is kind of a dumb thing to do. A sign is something designed to attract attention, it's going to be somewhere that everyone passing by can see.

We should reverse-prank Naz by just leaving the pain besides the sign. "Take this paint to the cafe sign" would technically be fulfilled.
>>
No. 699926 ID: f02a77

Maybe Naz's prank is to make us late on our deliveries? I don't think she knows that we can't really screw up a second time, so she's tricking us into messing with the sign and probably getting chewed out because of it.

I mean, think about it. If she was going to pain the sign that's outside the cafe, why would she have a can of paint inside the cafe?
>>
No. 699928 ID: b31734
File 145489452670.jpg - (48.38KB , 500x500 , painted sign.jpg )
699928

How 'bout this, funny and also helps us get back at Naz for that prank the other night.
>>
No. 699935 ID: 1a5a28

First, make sure nobody's looking.
>>
No. 699937 ID: 3a9db6
File 145489979821.png - (8.15KB , 500x500 , 2-50.png )
699937

You look around to make sure that no one is looking, then paint over the sign's lettering so as to read: "FART IN ASS".

hue hue hue hue hue

Naz said that the paint is 'water based', so hopefully it's some kids paint that she lifted from the schoolhouse or something.
>>
No. 699938 ID: f56624

>>699937
good job
now get to work
>>
No. 699939 ID: f02a77

I guess worrying too much about it was kinda dumb because a) we already knew it wasn't permanent and b) everyone's probably used to Naz's pranks by now. Eh.

I like the idea of having Naz take Sally's order with her to the library. Head back inside and try to pull that deal off or somethin'
>>
No. 699940 ID: 0cdf95

Leave the paint behind the bushes around the sign and then get on out of here before anyone can link you to the scene of the crime. Hop to it, those baked goods will get cold!
>>
No. 699942 ID: f02a77

>>699939
Actually wait IS water-based paint removable? Or is it the opposite?
>>
No. 699943 ID: 3a9db6
File 145490091130.png - (42.74KB , 500x500 , 2-51.png )
699943

You head back inside to find Naz.

You: "The deed is done."

Naz: "kekekeke"

You: "Hey, can you bring these croissants to the library on your way there?"

Naz: "Sure, man."
>>
No. 699944 ID: 3a9db6
File 145490092723.png - (69.88KB , 500x500 , 2-52.png )
699944

Naz departs with the croissants, saving you one stop along your normal route!
>>
No. 699946 ID: f56624

>deliverize those baked goods
>>
No. 699947 ID: 47160d

Well... Yeah go deliver the stuff, nothing else to do
>>
No. 699948 ID: f02a77

Maybe write a quick 'I.O.U' to the bakery cat (i honestly don't know her name) for the sign. Maybe you two can spend a day fixing that up? Hard labor always leads to "fun times", right?
>>
No. 699978 ID: b16ad8

If cafe cat raises a huge fuss about it, offer to clean it off after work, otherwise, continue on with deliveries
>>
No. 699979 ID: 1a5a28

Get yourself an alibi by doing your job. It's a win win!
>>
No. 699981 ID: 5ad4a7

Last route was cafe-library-cityhall-school-shoppe-Postoffice-police

So, city hall is next.
>>
No. 700009 ID: b8d5aa

>>699948

no way, we can't just TELL HER RIGHT AWAY that we did it. that goes against the whole idea of it being a prank.
>>
No. 700220 ID: 15a025

Let's hit up city hall.
>>
No. 700354 ID: f02a77

>>700009
I meant like, stick a note to the sign or something. "was forced by petite mouse-girl, will fix later, xoxo" or something.

but yeah, probs best to continue on with the route.
>>
No. 700517 ID: 6ea609

>>700354
We've already blamed Naz, you nerd. No use making us paste weird and awkwardly phrased sticky-notes that will incriminate us.
>>
No. 701375 ID: 3a9db6
File 145533119936.png - (6.69KB , 500x500 , 2-53.png )
701375

Off to city hall, then. The mayor is locked in her office as usual.

You are greeted by Lisa Goodfaith.

You: "Woah, you look... different."

Lisa: "Casual Friday, sir."

You: "...Lisa, right?"

Lisa: "Yes sir."

You hand her a bag of bagels.
>>
No. 701377 ID: 5ad4a7

>>701375
Tell her she looks nice. Then it's off to school.
>>
No. 701411 ID: 2315e6

Give her a nice little passing comment, these can make all the difference later on, something about her hair or just something that shows your noticed her. Then get on with the deliveries
>>
No. 701417 ID: 5ad4a7

Wait, bagels this time instead of muffins?
>>
No. 701437 ID: 3a9db6
File 145534232780.png - (6.43KB , 500x500 , 2-54.png )
701437

You: "You look really nice today. I like your hair down like that."

Lisa: "Oh well gosh, thank you sir. You're the first one to notice."

Lisa: "I have to get back to work now."

She scurries off to the copy room, and you scurry off to your ladies' fixed gear pannier bicycle.
>>
No. 701438 ID: 3a9db6
File 145534234132.png - (6.08KB , 500x500 , 2-55.png )
701438

You ride up to the school house. It is looking tranquil tod-
>>
No. 701439 ID: 3a9db6
File 145534235210.png - (7.48KB , 500x500 , 2-56.png )
701439

KSSHH
>>
No. 701440 ID: 5ad4a7

>>701439
Ride over to where it falls, see if the CD is still in the tray.
>>
No. 701442 ID: f56624

>>701439
QUICKLY CHARLES, SAVE THE HARDWARE!
>>
No. 701454 ID: 2315e6

Okay, let's take this one with baby steps now. Calmly walk in. If there is a heated argument it's probably best to drop off your delivery and get the fuck out and come back later (if at all) If there is a lady crying due to an issue, your ask her what's wrong and try and help. If someone is going apeshit you get the fuck out, come back later.
>>
No. 701462 ID: cbb7cd

Yeah, you know that feeling.
>>
No. 701486 ID: 6cb462

uh oh, hopefully someone did not look online and found out about who you really are, then got so angry about it that they threw that computer out the window.

Okay, that's a stretch, but lets investigate, shall we?
>>
No. 701488 ID: eb385b

>>701439
Git in there and find out what is happening now
>>
No. 701493 ID: 0ee8aa

I hope that isn't a result of our little prank.
>>
No. 701496 ID: 5ea852

>>701442
Yes, save the precious technology. Omnissiah wills it!
>>
No. 701510 ID: f6442a

Go for the football catch!

Hey, worst case scenario, you end up meeting a cute nurse.
>>
No. 701548 ID: 891640

>>701493
CD tray is out. It definitely is.
>>
No. 701588 ID: 15a025

Save the computer!
>>
No. 701591 ID: ab9ddd

Hey kid, help computer! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ias31By60N8
(but actually don't, it's falling from the second story, you'll break your neck)
>>
No. 702292 ID: b8d5aa

first make sure you are nowhere near any of that stuff when it lands, and do not go up to it to inspect it in case anything else is tossed out the window
>>
No. 702846 ID: 3a9db6
File 145576881520.png - (9.12KB , 500x500 , 2-57.png )
702846

You walk inside carrying the pastries up the stairs.

Angela: "Aha... hahahaha, I closed it... and it just kept opening. It just. Kept. Fucking... opening!"

Angela: "That piece of shit! Hahaha! WELL I CLOSED IT! CLOSED IT REAL GOOD!"

Child: "The teacher said a swear!"

The children burst into giggles and gasps.
>>
No. 702848 ID: 3a9db6
File 145576883503.png - (10.20KB , 500x500 , 2-58.png )
702848

Angela: "Don't you lecture me you PASTE EATING LITTLE BASTARD. That's right. I know."

Angela: "The same goes for the rest of you foul smelling little..."

She stops and regains her composure.
>>
No. 702849 ID: 3a9db6
File 145576885326.png - (5.66KB , 500x500 , 2-59.png )
702849

Angela: "Nope. Nope. Ok class, what do we do when we lose our temper?"

Class: "Take a deep breath!"

Angela nervously straps on her guitar.
>>
No. 702850 ID: 3a9db6
File 145576887167.png - (8.20KB , 500x500 , 2-60.png )
702850

Angela [singing]: "And we always remember those no-no words"

Angela [singing]: "that you never say unless you're a bird!"
>>
No. 702855 ID: 3a9db6
File 145576899389.png - (8.70KB , 500x500 , 2-61.png )
702855

Angela [singing and strumming]: "Exceeept fooor Saaaaaaaaaaam."
>>
No. 702856 ID: 3a9db6
File 145576900454.png - (4.13KB , 500x500 , 2-62.png )
702856

You feel like you should have videotaped all of that for Naz. What a waste...
>>
No. 702859 ID: e89427

Bird's the word.
>>
No. 702860 ID: f56624

>>702856
hahaha, holy shit
give her her baked goods
>>
No. 702861 ID: f02a77

uh, ask if she's okay. maybe this job is getting to her.
>>
No. 702862 ID: 5ad4a7

>>702856
You can retell the events for her. It's a fucking great story.

Give her her pastries.
>>
No. 702923 ID: e9b78a

Ummm... Yeah, let's just give the pastries over. Ask her VERY politely if we can do anything to help her destress after class gets done
>>
No. 702951 ID: 99a64d

Eh... a photographic memory is just as good. Unload the goods and gtfo before tourettes bird does something else to distract you from your IMMENSE PROFESSIONALISM.
>>
No. 703003 ID: 5ea852

For future reference - don't stick it in the mentally unstable.
>>
No. 703004 ID: 3641d4

Give her your hot buns and head to the next stop.
>>
No. 703100 ID: a788b7

>>702856

marry her immediately
>>
No. 703105 ID: e2a7b2

>>702855
HAHAHA!
Fuck you, Sam!
>>
No. 703108 ID: 74fb82

That song deserves some applause I think.
>>
No. 703114 ID: 9ce7d0

take a mental note.

"Don't put your dick in (batshit) crazy"
>>
No. 703141 ID: af1cc4

>>703114
Being able to regain composure is hardly a symptom of being crazy.
>>
No. 703194 ID: 15a025

We totally have to tell Naz about this, and her busted computer.
>>
No. 703199 ID: 02422f

So... she's hotter when she's crazy, right?
>>
No. 703813 ID: 3a9db6
File 145599065501.png - (5.39KB , 500x500 , 2-63.png )
703813

You hand Miss Angela her pastry, which is a Danish today.

Angela: "Oh gosh, thanks Chuck. I'm sorry I... ehehee... kind of freaked out there. I've been stressed."

You: "Don't sweat it. I know I'd lose my mind with all these kids."

Angela: "Well it's not just that, it's... never mind. Ehe."

Angela: "Can you tell Naz I'm sorry about her computer? Really sorry..."

You laugh.

You: "Oh, believe me, I will."

You go to the Shoppe Stoppe next.
>>
No. 703814 ID: 3a9db6
File 145599067332.png - (8.24KB , 500x500 , 2-64.png )
703814

Ellen is there as always.

Ellen: "Ok."

Ellen: "I mean what can I help you with, I guess."

You pass her your breads, which are still a bit warm. You also try to remember if there was anything you needed to buy from the store.
>>
No. 703821 ID: 90f3c0

Time to stock up on condoms, you're going to need them is this town. Make sure to give Ellen a suggestive look as you buy them.
>>
No. 703828 ID: b17b81

Hey, she's still trying to smile. Its a bit better than her last try. Got any jokes to make her laugh?
>>
No. 703834 ID: 3a9db6
File 145599546796.png - (10.26KB , 500x500 , 2-65.png )
703834

You: "Hey, you got any condoms?"

Ellen looks at your for a moment.

Ellen: "...Yep. We have those."

She goes to a glass cabinet behind the counter and blows the dust off of a six pack of condoms.

You: "Oh, great. I'll take a pack."

Ellen: "Ok. 6bux."

Ellen rings it up, quietly looking at the box for a minute.

Ellen: "What do you need these for?"

You: "What?"

Ellen: "Nothing, I guess... never mind. Thanks for the bread delivery."

You have 63bux. You gained 6 condoms. You hope they're not too old.


>joke

You: "Hey Ellen, what would I call you if your eyes got poked out?"

Ellen: "...what?"

You shrug.

You: "No-eye deer!"

Ellen sighs and gives another pained smile.
>>
No. 703836 ID: 5ad4a7

>>703834
>too old
Check the expiration date before you go. Don't use expired condoms.
Ask why she's so surprised, anyway. Did she expect you to be celibate?
>>
No. 703840 ID: b17b81

>Ellen sighs and gives another pained smile
Ah, she understood why we/I told that (god-awful) joke. She's still trying; thank her for that.
>>
No. 703842 ID: bb78f2

>>703834
Ellen, listen, I'm sorry, you don't need to smile for me.
I just had small drive in my brain to want to make people happy.

And it's always good to be prepared with condoms. Everyone should have condoms 24/7. You should have condoms. Hell, old Gertrude down in the retirement home should have condoms.
>>
No. 703843 ID: f6442a

Okay, look, the reason I'm buying these is...
...for a prank. That I'm helping out Naz with. Yes.
>>
No. 703849 ID: 3a9db6
File 145599719069.png - (5.33KB , 500x500 , 2-66.png )
703849

You read the back label. They seem find, if surprisingly tasteless. You look back up at Ellen.

You: "Well, you don't expect me to be celibate, do you? Everyone should have some of these lying around, don't you think?"

Ellen: "I... guess you're right."

You: "Anyway, thanks. I gotta run. Keep smilin', cutie."
>>
No. 703850 ID: 3a9db6
File 145599720260.png - (8.32KB , 500x500 , 2-67.png )
703850

You pedal over to the post office next.

You: "Hey Rita."

Rita: "Oh hey Chuck. Pastries coming in?"

You: "Yeah, you wanna stamp these?"

Rita giggles. You haven't heard that yet.

Rita: "It's just what I need, actually."

Rita: "While I was busy processing... well, something terrible happened."
>>
No. 703853 ID: 5ad4a7

>>703850
Terrible? What is it?
>>
No. 703854 ID: 02422f

>>703850
Oh my. What?
>>
No. 703864 ID: 5ad4a7

Anything you can help with, maybe?
>>
No. 703866 ID: 3a9db6
File 145599957404.png - (8.15KB , 500x500 , 2-68.png )
703866

You: "What happened?"

Rita: "I am sorry if this comes as a great shock to you, Chuck."

Rita: "I came back from the mailroom to find THIS hanging up on the wall!"

You: "What could possibly be that b... aaaa..."
>>
No. 703867 ID: 3a9db6
File 145599958752.png - (36.34KB , 500x500 , 2-69.png )
703867

Rita: "Someone was able to gain access to the copy machine. I'll have to have a stern word with the responsible party. If the mayor saw this..."

You: "...heinous! Did whoooo...ever made that make any other copies? Like, are there any other ones lying around that I could have?"

You:

You: "To try to identify who did it."
>>
No. 703870 ID: 5ad4a7

>>703867
Well we have two clues here. One, the panties. Two, the tail. What kind of tail is that?
>>
No. 703871 ID: 38685c

>>703867
heinous more like heinyass
>>
No. 703873 ID: bb78f2

>>703867
Rita, you seriously can't tell who's butt that is?
It's so easy, but I'm no snitch.
>>
No. 703877 ID: 90f3c0

There's a clear solution to this. You need to organize a lineup off all the butts in town.
>>
No. 703879 ID: f6442a

What are you gonna do when you find them? Give 'em a spanking?
>>
No. 703881 ID: 5f1b8e

>>703867

Engage your finely-honed ASSOMETRICS ability. Calculate breadth, weight, roundness and firmness, cross-referencing with tail dimensions and hide texture, and zero on on the culprit!

Processing eliminations...
- Maildog eliminated as victim
- Not big enough to be Ramona
- dog cop unlikely to break law
- tail shape eliminates mayor, her assistant, penny and ellen
>>
No. 703884 ID: 5f1b8e

>>703881

Enumerating potential perpetrators...

Naz
+ Prankster
+ Hint of stripes on tail
- would have just lifted skirt, skirt evidence not found
- dat ass 2 phat? Naz too petite to occupy so much of the scanner

Sally
+ Lesser but also prankster
- also habitual skirt wearer

Marcie
+ Playful attitude
- oblivious to sauciness

Penny
+ Disrespect for authority
- no-nonsense attitude

Selma
+/- wild card

Lorraine
+ Is a ghost
- Is a ghost
>>
No. 703886 ID: 02422f

>>703867
We'll have to gain access to every butt in town to find the culprit. Do a butt line-up.
>>
No. 703887 ID: 628856

A case! Let's start with the usual suspects. Let's go pay Naz a visit. We need to tell her about our awesome day and we should also ask her if she's had. Any problems/experience with a photocopier, gauge her reaction
>>
No. 703899 ID: fa9b55

>>703867
things that could narrow it down: were the copier's settings messed with? if not, then the person's butt is small enough to fit on a standard sheet of paper. that's.. not very big at all.
>>
No. 703951 ID: 3a9db6
File 145601927211.png - (5.42KB , 500x500 , 2-70.png )
703951

You begin sleuthing.

You: "Were the copier settings messed with at all?"

Rita: "Yeah, looks like whoever it was knew what they were doing. Makes it kind of hard to tell the scale..."

It seems Rita has given it a great deal of thought also. You recall all the woman you have mentally undressed in the past week.
>>
No. 703952 ID: f6442a

Hey hey, don't get distracted bub. We are on the clock.
>>
No. 703955 ID: 8a31cd

Okay in that case how many people are there that actually knows how to use the copier that way.
>>
No. 703956 ID: 7c30bb

rita did it herself and she just wants to get you to look at her butt without actually coming out and saying so.
>>
No. 703959 ID: 5ad4a7

Honestly it's probably Naz. She's got panties, she knows her way around tech, and she's a prankster.
>>
No. 703966 ID: 0ee8aa

>>703951
So every woman you've met this week then? We should also consider the possibility that there are woman in town we haven't met yet. It could be someone entirely new.
>>
No. 703971 ID: f02a77

>>703966
It could even be that one guy we met! The perfect crime!
>>
No. 703984 ID: 3e2cae

Oh I get it everyone in town is losing their minds from never getting laid.
>>
No. 704035 ID: 3f6a7e

>>703951
Naz.
Its Naz. Why are we even debating it?
>>
No. 704049 ID: 3a9db6
File 145603448421.png - (4.72KB , 500x500 , 2-71.png )
704049

>butt lineup

If only you could.

You have a hunch, but you realize that you are getting distracted from your work. Whom ever's ass that is, the idea that it's an ass in this very town is turning you on for some reason.
>>
No. 704050 ID: 3a9db6
File 145603449385.png - (40.23KB , 500x500 , 2-72.png )
704050

>>
No. 704051 ID: 3a9db6
File 145603450872.png - (7.61KB , 500x500 , 2-73.png )
704051

Of to your final stop, the police station.

Cop lady: "Hey yo. New guy. You got the goods?"

You: "You know it."

Cop lady: "Yeah yeah. Real good. Thanks buddy. Say hi to Marcie for me."

You: "Will do, officer..."

Cop lady: "Layla Hoode."

Cop lady: "Noticed anything funny around town, new guy?"
>>
No. 704052 ID: 3e2cae

>>704051
"Just your face. BOOM!"
>>
No. 704053 ID: f6442a

You mean, besides the gender ratio?
>>
No. 704057 ID: 15a025

Yes! Something we need to get to the bottom of quickly.
>>
No. 704059 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704051
Nothing that requires police attention. Unless you're like, really bored.
>>
No. 704060 ID: f02a77

Should we bring up the whole "booty bandit" thing? It is technically a crime, like public indecency or something like that. And if she finds out for us, it's not like we fail the mission.
>>
No. 704065 ID: 7805cb

>>704051

"Funny as in weird, funny as in humorous, or funny as in "you tryin' to be funny, pal?""
>>
No. 704072 ID: 3a9db6
File 145603709299.png - (6.28KB , 500x500 , 2-74.png )
704072

You: "Like, 'haha' funny? Weird funny? Or 'you tryin' to be funny pal' funny?"

Officer: "You tryin' to be funny, pal?"

You: "Oh, in that case, no."

She squints.

Officer:

Officer: "You're alright."

Ok...

Well, unless you want to stay and talk to this cop, you're done with your deliveries.
>>
No. 704074 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704072
Flirt with danger.
>>
No. 704075 ID: d609c1

Be gone. We should visit Naz afterward for the prank report and to get a replacement computer if possible. It is indirectly our fault for this one getting destroyed.
>>
No. 704077 ID: 7805cb

You should get a nice gift for Ramona. A nice dress! You could ask Sally if she knows her measurements, just tell her you want to show her mom appreciation for her hospitality. You need to pick up some clothes for yourself anyway, right?
>>
No. 704079 ID: 38685c

>>704072
Definitely one of the most attractive ladies in town. But cop. And if you sleep with her and she finds out you're a criminal running from a bank job, she's gonna neuter you.
>>
No. 704080 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704079
Whoa now let's not start spending money on booty calls.
>>
No. 704114 ID: f0e552

>>704072
this woman has no chill
>>
No. 704115 ID: 628856

Give her a nice smile, one that shows her that you view her as an equal. As you leave say something like "your alright too." Or just something to that effect. Let's go pay Naz a visit.
>>
No. 704133 ID: 3a9db6
File 145605137259.png - (8.01KB , 500x500 , 2-75.png )
704133

You smile at the officer, and she nods. You then go back to the bakery to collect your pay and drop of the LFGPB.

Marcie: "Oh! You're back!"

Marcie: "You're getting better at thiiisss. I just love showing new guys the ropes!"

You receive your wage. You now have 93bux.

You: "Thanks, Marcie. See you tomorrow morning?"

Marcie: "Nope!"

You: "You close on Saturdays?"

Marcie: "No, but I won't need you. The town folks like to come in for the fresh stuff on the weekends since they don't need it delivered to work!"

You: "Oh, ok then."

Marcie: "But I'll be off in time for diiinner. Stop by and knock me up, 5PM sharp!"

You: "I don't think you know what that m-"

Marcie: "Gotta close. Have a good night, Chuck!"

She all but pushes you out the door before beginning the arduous process of cleaning the bakery. The Shoppe Stoppe is still open, or you could visit the library before heading back "home".
>>
No. 704136 ID: 38685c

>>704133
Well, we have condoms. A bun in the oven is entirely optional.
>>
No. 704137 ID: f0e552

>>704133
Library, we have to chase up that photocopied ass and procure an actual computer that the school can use.
>>
No. 704138 ID: 5ea852

>>704133
If you were monogamous, I'd say to totally take her up on that offer.
>>
No. 704141 ID: eb385b

>>704133
Go to the Library
>>
No. 704159 ID: a3a5d7

Go to ye shoppe, get new clothes and lady gifts.
>>
No. 704160 ID: f6442a

Library. Tell Naz the school's computer may need some defragmenting after being defenestrated.
>>
No. 704253 ID: 3a9db6
File 145609539265.png - (6.57KB , 500x500 , 2-76.png )
704253

The library is rather quiet this Friday afternoon. Sally is out front hauling some books. She doesn't look very cheery.

Sally: "Oh, hi Chuck."

You: "Well hello Sally. Aren't you gonna lighten up a little? It's Friday after all."

Sally: "I would... it's just..."

Sally: "Well, I found my mom awake crying last night. Did she say anything to you?"
>>
No. 704254 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704253
Tell her uh, having you around the house reminded her of her husband, so she's suffering from a bit of heartache.
>>
No. 704258 ID: a3a5d7

Say you did notice she seemed like she was feeling down. She inquired after your social life, so maybe she's feeling lonely?

You were actually thinking of getting her a gift to show your appreciation for her hospitality. Maybe a nice new dress or something, something more modern than what seems to be around the house, that she could feel confident going out around town in? But you don't know her measurements.
>>
No. 704260 ID: 38685c

>>704253
A simple case of miscommunication. See, you had sex with her several times and thought you were having fun together while she thought it was the beginning steps of something more permanent.
>>
No. 704261 ID: f6442a

>>704253
No, she stayed pretty quiet the whole time.
>>
No. 704263 ID: 3a9db6
File 145609697740.png - (6.55KB , 500x500 , 2-77.png )
704263

>>704260

You're not telling Sally you banged her mom. What an insane idea.


You: "Oh no, that's awful, and she seemed just fine! She's such a sweetheart, you know?"

Sally: "She is... I hate to see her so sad. I just wish I knew why."

You: "How about I get her something nice?"

Sally: "You'd... you'd do that for her?"

You: "In a heartbeat, kiddo. Any ideas on what she might like? Clothes? Jewelry?"

Sally: "Well, there is one thing I know she would love to have."

You: "Name it."

Sally: "She has always wanted to find a copy of the Lineage of Nelson Plath. I've scoured the entire library down to the last leaflet, and can't find it. I think it's in the catacombs underneath, but no one knows how to get in there."
>>
No. 704264 ID: 15a025

Let's go ask Naz to help us with that.
>>
No. 704266 ID: f6442a

Maybe someone could... dig their way down there?
>>
No. 704267 ID: 6d7731

Catacombs.

Catacombs, underneath the li- Naz didn't put you up to that, did she?
>>
No. 704268 ID: 38685c

>>704263
You're all consenting adults. Tell her you banged her mom like a kettle drum in a maid costume.

Also ask about the catacombs.
>>
No. 704269 ID: a3a5d7

Catacombs? Sweet! Not only can you get a nice gift, but you'll find a cool secret storehouse for any activities the law might have problems with! I'm sure you know how valuable a hidey-hole is, Charlie.

I assume she's asked Naz, who seems like the sort to have been snooping around already?
>>
No. 704272 ID: 5790a1

>>704263
Charley. Charley my man.
If you don't tell her you banged her mom, how are you going to get her roped into the hot mother and daughter threesomes
>>
No. 704273 ID: 3e2cae

>>704253
Good goin', ace.

Better put together an adventuring party to help search the catacombs.
>>
No. 704274 ID: 6431e0

Ask the Hyena
>>
No. 704279 ID: 3a9db6
File 145609779587.png - (38.23KB , 500x500 , 2-78.png )
704279

You find yourself momentarily fixated between Sally's perky sweater pups and wondering how she got her head through the neck hole.

You: "Huh? Oh, right, catacombs. Yeah, I'll try to figure out a way in."

Sally: "Wow, you'll really do it? You're like... Indiana Jones or something."

You: "For you I could be. Just get me a whip."

Sally covers her mouth to hide a giggle, then pretends to cough.



>ask the hyena

That's... super smart, actually. You'll have to catch up with Rachel and see what she knows. Regrettably, you left your French book at the Plath House.
>>
No. 704281 ID: 99a64d

>>704272
You aren't, that sort of thing only happens in pornos or with people who are far more sexually open than these folks.

Time to go on a QUEST through The Catacombs. You seem like a rogue, so you still need a wizard, a cleric, and a fighter. Naz would make a good wizard, and she's probably willing to come. So all we need to do is find the town doctor or priest and a big beefy guy.
>>
No. 704287 ID: 38685c

>>704281
Big beefy lady. Whether or not the rumors are true about hyenas.

Also we should prob check if this is legal with cop lady.
>>
No. 704291 ID: f6442a

>>704287
Howsabout not tippin' her off to illegal goings on. We're a hardened con man, we scoff at the law! (When it's looking the other way.)
>>
No. 704293 ID: 38685c

>>704291
If we ask several people about going into the catacombs and then recover an heirloom for someone, the whole town is going to know no matter what. Better to ask permission than forgiveness, especially with a bounty on your head.
>>
No. 704298 ID: 3a9db6
File 145610013668.png - (5.31KB , 500x500 , 2-79.png )
704298

Asking cops for permission has never been your style. Besides, Sally asked you to do it, and she seems like a pretty upstanding figure in town.
>>
No. 704300 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704298
Well, find out where the catacombs are supposed to be exactly. I mean, why hasn't anyone gotten in there? Is it blocked by a brick wall or something?
>>
No. 704302 ID: 0ee8aa

You know who would probably know a way into the catacombs beneath the library? Ghosts, lets see if we can find Lorraine.
>>
No. 704310 ID: 3a9db6
File 145610425323.png - (5.51KB , 500x500 , 2-80.png )
704310

Sally: "Several of the town's historical tomes make clear reference to catacombs beneath the library, but none of them described how to enter. One of them said that it was a place reserved for the town's leadership exclusively."

Sally: "It's... said that Nelson Plath himself is buried there. I wish I could give you more information."

You briefly consider ghosts, but most ghosts would probably already be hanging out in the catacombs.
>>
No. 704312 ID: 5ad4a7

Where are the blueprints for the library? You can check out any suspicious empty spaces for a hidden staircase or something.
>>
No. 704318 ID: a3a5d7

I'll bet the Mayor knows. I'd also bet it'll be a hard time convincing her to tell anyone. Maybe her assistant would also know, though?
>>
No. 704319 ID: 0ee8aa

Reserved for the town leadership? Perhaps the mayor's office have some records of it in some kind of archive?
>>
No. 704320 ID: f6442a

The mayor is always so busy, maybe we should ask Lorraine. Ghosts would know all about haunted stuff.
>>
No. 704335 ID: 3a9db6
File 145610889864.png - (6.02KB , 500x500 , 2-81.png )
704335

You can't even begin to think of how to contact the alleged ghost. There are probably far simpler solutions to this. You could begin searching for the catacombs immediately, or go about other business.
>>
No. 704336 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704335
Well first let's ask Naz if she's the booty-printer.
>>
No. 704338 ID: f02a77

>>704336
Or, at least, get her opinion as a professional prankster on possible suspects.
>>
No. 704341 ID: 8d9368

>>704310
Tell her that her mom should consider taking up cooking lessons. To keep her mind off whatever is making her so sad. Consider buying her cooking lessons, actually.
>>
No. 704343 ID: 5ad4a7

...oh, maybe we can get a cooking book from the library, too.
>>
No. 704346 ID: 8d9368

>>704341
And be tactful about it, because they both seem as if they are somewhat delusional about her actual capabilities as a cook. Noone is so talented they can't continue to learn!
>>
No. 704354 ID: 3a9db6
File 145611281898.png - (6.13KB , 500x500 , 2-84.png )
704354

You: "Oh hey, do you think Ramona would be interested in some cooking lessons? I know she loves to cook-"

Sally: "Chuck"

Sally:

Sally: "You didn't say anything to her about her cooking, did you?"

You: "Uh, no, I just though, you know, like a little pre-gift-"

Sally: "Please don't say anything about it."

Sally: "Her husband... she doesn't tell me much about him, but he was rather unkind about her cooking. It makes her really upset to even think about it."

You: "Noted."
>>
No. 704355 ID: 5ad4a7

On that subject... ask her if it's just you. Does Ramona's cooking taste fine to her?
>>
No. 704358 ID: f6442a

Well, we have dodged that bullet for a really long time then. Still, do you think getting her a cookbook is okay?
Well, better find Naz and tell her the CD tray prank was a smashing success.
>>
No. 704359 ID: 3a9db6
File 145611374893.png - (6.31KB , 500x500 , 2-85.png )
704359

You: "What do you think of your mom's cooking?"

Sally: "Uh..."

Sally: "You know I love my mama. More than anything and anyone. You know that, Chuck."

Sally: "But, well... she's good at a great many things. Just... not..."

You show your understanding with a slow nod.

Sally: "Thanks for being so kind to her on account of her cooking, Chuck. You're really a... really a good guy."
>>
No. 704360 ID: 5790a1

>>704359
You're treading dangerous waters here Chucky.
You keep this up and you might get cast away to the f r i e n d z o n e
>>
No. 704362 ID: a3a5d7

Say there are plenty of people who've disagreed with her, but thanks, we all aspire to something.

That ought to keep just a little hint of a bad-boy past on you.
>>
No. 704364 ID: 6d7731

Don't know where you got that idea!

You're a fine woman yourself, Sally.
>>
No. 704368 ID: 3a9db6
File 145611503174.png - (7.23KB , 500x500 , 2-86.png )
704368

>cultivate bad-boy mystique

You: "Good, huh? Glad I fooled somebody, at least."

Sally makes a nervous laugh.

Sally: "What's that supposed to mean?"

You: "Just get to know me. You'll see."

Sally: "Like... how?"
>>
No. 704369 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704368
How about a date? You're free Sunday.
>>
No. 704372 ID: 4a684e

>How

Allude to lewd. Or make up story about how you beat up guys that don't exist.
>>
No. 704375 ID: a3a5d7

Ok, you want to ask her on a date but not like an official date-date because she'd for sure mention it to her mom and the way's not prepared for that intersection of events to go down smooth yet.

Say, when you find the catacombs, you can both go down there together, and you'll have plenty of time to get to know each other while you have fun exploring.
>>
No. 704376 ID: 02422f

>>704368
Allude that she could get to "know" you all right. In the sense of a certain book.
>>
No. 704378 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704375
>catacombs "date"
I like this idea.
>>
No. 704387 ID: 02422f

>>704378
Indiana Jones always did bring a girl along, after all.
>>
No. 704413 ID: bb78f2

>>704368
If you want to come down to the catacombs with me, you can. You seem a little bored in this town, those catacombs sound like an adventure. It'd be more fun than a prank, like even more fun than copying a picture of your butt and posting it at the post office.
>>
No. 704446 ID: 3641d4

Sex it up?
>>
No. 704447 ID: 412ad8

You can't forget about your dinner date with the bakery girl either.
>>
No. 704660 ID: 3a9db6
File 145620139653.png - (6.74KB , 500x500 , 2-87.png )
704660

You: "Why don't you come to the catacombs with me? You always look so bored up here. It'd be more fun than photocopying your butt, wouldn't it?"

Sally: "What was that last part?"

You: "Never mind."

Sally: "That... does sound pretty exciting."

Sally: "But you've got to find a way in first. I really should get back to work, though!"
>>
No. 704663 ID: aaa3ab

Tell her: all the more reason to find an entrance soon, then.

Wish her a good day and then report to the mouse.
>>
No. 704664 ID: eaf326

Concede. Investigate catacombs for entrance.
>>
No. 704666 ID: 5ad4a7

Alright but first we'll go talk to Naz. Relate to her the story of the computer.
>>
No. 704667 ID: 3a9db6
File 145620267191.png - (4.25KB , 500x500 , 2-83.png )
704667

Sally: "I'll see you at home, Chuck."

With the mysterious catacombs still on your mind, you go to the computer lab to ask Naz about the post office incident. There's monitor light under the door.

Knock? y/n
>>
No. 704668 ID: aaa3ab

Surely no-one would be doing anything private in a public library! Walk right in.
>>
No. 704669 ID: 5ad4a7

We asked her about this. She's not doing anything, but reference the joke by knocking. "I'm coming inside"
>>
No. 704670 ID: 5ba9a9

Burst in.

Oh my god Naz Angela threw the computer out the window during recess and it hit a kid and Sam got sliced up by falling glass, what are we gonna do?!?
>>
No. 704671 ID: 211d83

>>704670

This sounds like a prank and is the best choice.
>>
No. 704672 ID: 8b65eb

this is a public place, enter like its your home
>>
No. 704680 ID: f6442a

Burst into the room saying "Porkchop sandwiches!"
>>
No. 704684 ID: 3a9db6
File 145620462048.png - (6.18KB , 500x500 , 2-88.png )
704684

You enter without knocking.

You: "Naz, you're NOT gonna believe what happened at the school-"
>>
No. 704685 ID: 3a9db6
File 145620464687.png - (9.46KB , 500x500 , 2-90.png )
704685

CRACK

After a loud, jarring pop, you are splattered with some viscous substance. A system of pulleys and string falls to the floor at your feet.
>>
No. 704687 ID: 3a9db6
File 145620467511.png - (6.78KB , 500x500 , 2-82.png )
704687

A mouse is there.

Naz: "Oh, what's up. I see you chose not to knock."
>>
No. 704688 ID: 02422f

>>704687
*look at the trap* It doesn't look like knocking it would have disarmed it to me!

Then I guess you might as well take your shirt off, since it's dirty.

Do this while describing how well the computer prank worked.
>>
No. 704691 ID: 211d83

Is this jam? I hope its jam.

Well time to get out of these dirty clothes.

Then start stripping.
>>
No. 704692 ID: aaa3ab

The cardigan! The source of your power!! Noooooo
>>
No. 704694 ID: f6442a

Taste the prank fluid.
>>
No. 704696 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704687
And she's wearing pants today.

She's definitely the butt-copier.
J'ACCUSE!
>>
No. 704697 ID: 3a9db6
File 145620575083.png - (6.01KB , 500x500 , 2-91.png )
704697

You: "Jesus Christ! What the fuck was that!"

Naz: "What was it? To be honest, it was a party popper full of chocolate pudding."

You taste the pudding - it's delicious.

You: "I MEAN why'd you do it? What if that had been Sally?"

Naz: "Sally knocks. Anyway, I thought it'd be funny and maybe get you out of that cardigan for once. Do you even wash that thing?"

Ramona had it folded and washed for you this morning, but you don't feel like telling Naz that.

You: "Maybe it's kind of funny. Do you have any more of this pudding?"

Naz: "Yeah, it's from Marcie's bakery."

You get some of the pudding, then regale Naz with what you had witnessed at the schoolhouse.

Naz: "No way. Out the window?"

You: "The second story window."

Naz: "That's... hilarious. I'd give anything to have seen that."

You: "Aren't you worried about replacing that computer?"

Naz: "You mean the one out of literally dozens we have here that no one ever, ever uses?"

You: "I'd call it a fair trade off. So... I noticed you're wearing pants today."

Naz: "I figured you did."

Naz: "It's way easier than you think to tell when you're staring at my ass."

Naz: "Like literally right now."
>>
No. 704699 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704697
Yeah, because you've seen that ass somewhere else, just earlier today. On a wall.
>>
No. 704700 ID: 211d83

Well first off you have a nice ass.

And secondly I am trying to imagine you naked so I can figure out if you are the butt copier bandit.

Also cause I am a guy. We do that sort of thing around cute girls.
>>
No. 704702 ID: 02422f

Of course you know I've been staring at your ass. You know everyone has, because you photocopied it all over the place.

She's wearing pants, but you shouldn't be wearing a shirt. Off with it.
>>
No. 704703 ID: 3a9db6
File 145620664609.png - (5.22KB , 500x500 , 2-92.png )
704703

You: "Well, it's a cute ass."

Naz: "Woah."

You shrug, taking off your cardigan for now.

You: "Plus I'm trying to figure out who hung up a certain picture at the post office."

Naz: "And what makes you think I would do something like that?"
>>
No. 704704 ID: 02422f

>Naz: "And what makes you think I would do something like that?"
An impish proclivity for pranks.

And a fine ass.
>>
No. 704705 ID: 211d83

Well I am guessing it was someone who was bored and who likes pranks and enjoys showing off her butt to strangers apparently.

Also I recognized your tail.
>>
No. 704706 ID: f6442a

A minimum level of tech literacy sorely lacking in the town, nay, the world.
>>
No. 704707 ID: aaa3ab

Tail looked like yours. Other girls I suspected had reasons to be disqualified, like the fact that they wear skirts and the person who took the copy appeared not to. I had considered the same about you, but now you're wearing pants. What a coincidence. My only other reason to eliminate you was that I thought maybe the size didn't match... but that depends on the size of the copier. Also, personality profiling.

Tallying up things like mismatched tail shape, skirt wearing, capability to conceive of crude thoughts and respect or lack thereof of authority, I have eliminated every female in town as a possibility, except you.

... Aaaand Selma.
>>
No. 704708 ID: 5ba9a9

I'm just going to stare at you incredulously now.
>>
No. 704715 ID: 4d6560

>>704703
"You didn't ask how it's in any way related to ass."
>>
No. 704718 ID: 3dbf5c

>>704703
"Do you want me to list my reasons alphabetically or chronologically?"
>>
No. 704724 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704703
Because whoever did it, knew how to alter the settings.
>>
No. 704731 ID: 15720c

>"And what makes you think I would do something like that?"
Out of everybody I've met you're the only one who's willing to skirt the rules. Plus the tail looked too thin to be most ladies'.
Regardless, do you know anything about the catacombs? Sally mentioned a certain book hidden down there.
>>
No. 704732 ID: 3e2cae

All the town's men are buried in the catacombs. Better watch your back.
>>
No. 704755 ID: 0b44ff

>>704703
Who wouldn't suspect of the local prankster?
>>
No. 706167 ID: 52d738
File 145671941544.png - (5.42KB , 500x500 , 2-94.png )
706167

You: "Well, aside from you being the resident prankster, it was pretty obvious the perpetrator wasn't wearing a skirt. Plus I could see your tail, along with the kind of panties you usually wear."

Naz crosses her arms.

Naz: "How do you know what kind of panties I wear?"
>>
No. 706168 ID: 5ad4a7

>>706167
You caught a glimpse while carrying her out of the Plath House. That skirt was REALLY short, Naz.
>>
No. 706169 ID: 52d738
File 145672004720.png - (46.93KB , 500x500 , 2-95.png )
706169

You: "I got a good look when I was carrying you out of the Plath house. You were wearing a really short skirt."

Naz: "...oh fine. It was me."
>>
No. 706170 ID: f56624

>>706169
lol
>>
No. 706172 ID: 5ad4a7

Alright, now, help us get into the catacombs.
>>
No. 706175 ID: 0fc52c

Compliment her on trying to stir things up, since this town really needs it, and tell her you won't tell the mail lady. That'll sound good but also subtly remind her that you could tell someone if you wanted. Then ask her if she knows anything about the catacombs, since she seems like an inquisitive lady who wouldn't leave a good mystery unexamined.
>>
No. 706176 ID: 02422f

>>706169
Good work. *High five*
>>
No. 706177 ID: 52d738
File 145672080650.png - (7.03KB , 500x500 , 2-96.png )
706177

You: "Heh heh heh..."

Naz: "What are you writing?"

You: "Nothing."

You: "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. That was a good prank. Someone's got to stir up this boring ass town."

Naz: "I'm glad someone else gets it. Kekekekeh!"

You: "Absolutely nothing. Hey, do you know anything about how to get into the catacombs under the library?"

Naz: "Nope. If I did, I'd be down there right now."
>>
No. 706178 ID: f6442a

What are we gonna do with all this XP? Buy a fancy new cardigan?
>>
No. 706179 ID: 5ad4a7

Does the mayor ever visit the library? The leadership of the town is supposed to know how to get in there.
>>
No. 706180 ID: 799984

Oh, she likes to get down, does she?
>>
No. 706181 ID: 52d738
File 145672162214.png - (5.35KB , 500x500 , 2-97.png )
706181

You: "So you like to get down, do you?"

Naz: "Ye."

You pick a bit more pudding out of your cardigan and eat it. A thought comes to mind.

You: "Does the mayor even visit the library? She must know how to get down there."

Naz: "Sometimes she comes by to check that the internet blocks are working, or to ask Sally to watch out for any obscene books to pull from the shelves."

Naz: "I don't know if she knows how to get down to the catacombs. There is a door in the basement that looks like it led down there at one point, but it's filled in with bricks and several feet of concrete."
>>
No. 706182 ID: f56624

>>706181
Start messing with the bookshelves, I'm sure there's a secret passage somewhere. There's ALWAYS secret passages when catacombs are involved.
>>
No. 706183 ID: f6442a

Maybe there's a historical map around here that shows where the catacombs used to be. If we knew where the walls were, we could dig our way inside.
>>
No. 706185 ID: f0e552

>>706181
Sounds like the most efficient way to stop people from going down there. I wonder if we can get Hyena girl to help us.
>>
No. 706189 ID: 52d738
File 145672395110.png - (5.48KB , 500x500 , 2-98.png )
706189

You: "Is there any kind of map? A secret passage in one of the shelves?"

Naz: "Sally and Selma have cataloged every single book in the library. If there was a secret shelf, they would have found it. No maps have turned up yet that I know of."
>>
No. 706191 ID: 5ad4a7

>several feet of concrete.
Wait, how does she know this?
>>
No. 706193 ID: 52d738
File 145672480327.png - (6.31KB , 500x500 , 2-99.png )
706193

You: "How do you know it is several feet of concrete unless you have been on the other side?"

Naz: "I don't actually know it for sure. There's rebar sticking out of the concrete, so it would take a sledgehammer and a few hours to get through it. At least."
>>
No. 706195 ID: bb78f2

Why is the Mayor so concerned with censorship? There isn't THAT many children in this small town for censorship to need to be a thing. Is she a religious fanatic? A very protective Mom?
>>
No. 706199 ID: 5ad4a7

>>706193
If there's rebar, even a sledgehammer won't bust through. You'd need to cut through the rebar too. Hmm. One of the previous leaders of the town must have sealed it off.

Ask Naz if she knows if it was sealed before, or after the current mayor was elected. If before, then maybe we can actually get her permission/help to bust through? I mean, she should have access to it by all rights, but she doesn't. Maybe she doesn't even know she's prevented from getting something she's owed.

Also if we were to bust through the concrete, it would be impossible without loads of people hearing the noise. Can't do it in secret, which means we really do need permission.
Time to schedule an appointment with the mayor!
>>
No. 706203 ID: b485d7

>>706199

Ask Naz this, also compliment her on how she looks without the glasses, never seen her without them on. She's not half bad looking. Maybe take off your cardigan as well, get a bit more cozy. Aside from pranks maybe ask her what else she does to unwind?
>>
No. 706209 ID: 5ad4a7

Oh right before we leave we still gotta look at Naz's blog.
>>
No. 706210 ID: bb78f2

This is an old town, the sewer systems are probably huge. Also probably connected to the catacombs, to save space and/or to share forms of refuse. With that ghost at our hotel, there's also probably a secret enterance at the catacombs, asking permission to demolish the concrete in the library should be our last resort when there could be untold options available.

Like, for example, let us sample the library's dusty old blueprints. Then the hotel's, and the sewer map, which ALL should be in the library. There should ALSO be a catacomb map somewhere deep inside the library.
>>
No. 706213 ID: f0e552

how does naz see with her eyes closed all the time?
>>
No. 706228 ID: 1b3b5e

>>706213
Same way the undertale kid does.
>>
No. 706237 ID: 2a7417

Readify the blogosphere.
>>
No. 706268 ID: 6cb462

>>706228
Same way as Brock does
>>
No. 706365 ID: 52d738
File 145680034762.png - (6.42KB , 500x500 , 2-100.png )
706365

You: "You look nice with your glasses off, you know."

Naz: "Thanks. You look great with my glasses off, too."

You are not keen on asking permission before doing something potentially illegal. You are pretty sure you went over that already. Naz doesn't seem to know as much about the full contents of the library as Sally and Selma do, so she might not be much help for finding anything resembling blueprints or a map.
>>
No. 706367 ID: 5ad4a7

>>706365
Well how are we gonna get a sledgehammer then?

Oh fuck it let's at least go down there and look at the sealed off door before we decide on how to handle it.
But first the blog.
>>
No. 706370 ID: 343b23

Lets check out that blog then maybe get some tools or help from the french construction lady.
>>
No. 706372 ID: 52d738
File 145680335294.png - (5.35KB , 500x500 , 2-101.png )
706372

You: "While I'm here, let's see that blog of yours."

Naz: "Ok."

She sits down at a computer, and the dial-up modem next to it begins to screech.
>>
No. 706373 ID: 52d738
File 145680336631.png - (20.52KB , 500x500 , 2-202.png )
706373

A page of text streams down the screen.
>>
No. 706374 ID: 5ad4a7

>>706373
Hey! The Muffin Man. By Selma. That's a quest objective, click on that shit.

I'm also interested in today's article by Naz.
>>
No. 706375 ID: 15720c

>A page of text
That makes sense. She'd probably get caught if she actually drew porn, so it's safer to run it by text. Write porn, not draw it.
>>
No. 706385 ID: 211d83

Tell her you want to read the joy of collars.
>>
No. 706392 ID: 0fc52c

Well, tell her what gets you strangely excited.
>>
No. 706395 ID: f6442a

I want to read them all! But(t) Muffin Man first.
>>
No. 706397 ID: 52d738
File 145680718775.png - (38.90KB , 500x966 , 2-203.png )
706397

>The Joy of Collars

Naz opens the article. This is some truly weird shit.
>>
No. 706400 ID: 02422f

>>706397
Do you have someone to hold your leash for you, Naz? There's no collar under that turtleneck, is there?
>>
No. 706401 ID: 5ad4a7

>>706397
Maybe a little kinky too.

Read Muffin Man next.
>>
No. 706402 ID: f6442a

I think she's more interested in holding the leash than wearing one.
Now read Where People Can See, where Naz can see.
>>
No. 706404 ID: b485d7

Hmm. Naz might be into some kinky stuff, get a little closer to her while you read another article. Who knows maybe she's interested in a game of "cat and mouse?"
>>
No. 706425 ID: cbd7dc

Called it. Naz is totally kinky. I can tell she's probably subby, might have some switchy tendencies too. Ask her if she knows where the nearest play parties are.
>>
No. 706473 ID: 0ee8aa

I would like to read "Dressing As Someone Else" even if I have no idea who the author is yet.
>>
No. 706700 ID: 109c73

What about the other article by Naz ,"Where people can see"? Also how is that snippet 5 pages?
>>
No. 706742 ID: 52d738
File 145688961708.png - (6.96KB , 500x500 , 2-204.png )
706742

You: "I had no idea, Naz. Are you hiding a collar under all those turtlenecks?"

Naz: "No."

Naz: "The collar goes on the outside."

You: "What are these other articles?"

Naz: "Just miscellaneous things. User generated content is all the rage."
>>
No. 706743 ID: 52d738
File 145688963915.png - (36.99KB , 500x873 , 2-205.png )
706743

Naz opens another article.
>>
No. 706745 ID: 799984

Huh. Must be hard between the puritanical regime and the maaaybe 3 available guys in town.
>>
No. 706747 ID: 343b23

Naz is into some pretty kinky s and m type stuff.Hot
>>
No. 706755 ID: 2315e6

Holy shit... You must do this with her immediately. Ask Naz how she feels about a sex on camera. Suggest a new kind of prank, film each other having sex, edit the tape so your voices and faces are masked. Hide tape where someone can easily find it, bonus points if you can play it in a public area without getting caught! DO IT, YOU ARE THE LEGEND!
>>
No. 706756 ID: f6442a

"I want to talk you too, Naz."
>>
No. 706769 ID: cbd7dc

I think she's clearly hinting some shit at you. Say something like, "Maybe you and I could try something like that some time? I like to perform, too."
>>
No. 706783 ID: 5ad4a7

So... if we caught Naz... does that mean we get to punish her?
>>
No. 706902 ID: be39b4

Something tells me Naz wants to be collard. You should set something up to catch her in the act. Maybe out in public with some consenting punishment of course.
Help her out to experiment with her submissive side.
>>
No. 706903 ID: 99a64d

Wise words. Have you gotten any emails?
>>
No. 707010 ID: 4754ce

>>706755
Do This
>>
No. 707016 ID: c3abbf

Charlie you know she's going to have stuck a chinese finger trap up her vagina or something
>>
No. 707019 ID: c47b0c

>>706755
Holy fuck this right here. You gotta do it chuck.
Also hurry up and read the muffin man story.
>>
No. 707030 ID: bb78f2

Naz, girl, you gotta tell me, how the FUCK do the people in this town even get on with how few dudes that are here.

Are they all part-time lesbians, full-time lesbians, and/or is that cute adorable wolf dude that is roomies with Selma fucking the entire town? Or is pretty much everyone on a dryspell?
>>
No. 707043 ID: 6cb462

perhaps Naz has an exhibitionism fetish? pursue further.
>>
No. 707260 ID: f7a64f

I think you need to get freaky with Naz somewhere public.

Not now of course, you gotta date or something don't you?
>>
No. 707298 ID: 62e25c

You may be setting yourself up to be pranked like a total chump but I don' think that's ever stopped you before.

"Why are you showing me this? Do you really want to get caught? Do you need someone to punish you?"
>>
No. 707469 ID: 6cb462

Ask if she has ever tried streaking before
>>
No. 707610 ID: 52d738
File 145731772387.png - (5.08KB , 500x500 , 2-206.png )
707610

You: "Has anyone emailed you back?"

Naz's bottom lip twitches.

Naz: "...no. No, not yet."

You: "Huh... how does anyone get along in this town with pretty much no men? Is everyone a lesbian or something?"

Naz: "For me? Loads and loads of porn. I'm the only one in town who has access to it, though. I control the content blocks."

You: "What would you say to making a little porn of our own?"

Naz stands quietly for a moment.

Naz: "Seriously?"

You nod, and she waits another beat.

Naz: "Shit, ok."

Your dick will be very sad if this is a prank, but it is worth the risk. You don't know whether to talk about it, or just keep reading the weird website articles.
>>
No. 707611 ID: 5ad4a7

Talk about it! Set up a time and place.
>>
No. 707612 ID: f6442a

Maybe the website is a prank too. Double-pranked.
Might as well go for the prank that involves disrobing.
>>
No. 707615 ID: f56624

>>707611
Aye, set a porny appt.
>>
No. 707616 ID: 88e46e

Yeah, see if she's got anytime and anyplace in mind. If nothing else, it'll help us investigate it for traps ahead of time, although I doubt she's seriously planning to prank you at the moment.
>>
No. 707617 ID: 02422f

>>707610
Just talk about it. It's worth the risk of being pranked.
>>
No. 707630 ID: 2e3855

Talk about it for now. Consider preparing a prank for her, something that won't ruin the mood, but that she could get a kick out of.
>>
No. 707643 ID: f0afdb

Wait, so no one in this town has access ANY porn? Suddenly showing the porn of you and Naz in public sounds like less of a prank and more of a full on favor. Shit we could actually get a small industry going if the demand is high enough.
Either throw caution to the wind and grab the nearest camera and have some fun now (my preferred choice) or get a time and a date for this, be sure it doesn't conflict with our date with Marcie for tomorrow evening however.
>>
No. 707645 ID: 5ad4a7

>>707643
Porn actor, or full on jiggalo.
>>
No. 707657 ID: bb78f2

>>707610
First off, lets rope Geoff into this, unless he's gay. Is he gay, Naz? If not, do you want to corrupt that sweet wolfboy roommate of yours? Or does Selma have dibs?

I mean, I definitely would an option as an actor, but admittedly I would probably be the BEST director. Unless you want to direct instead of act, Naz, you would obviously be the best director for women marketed porn. Okay, let's talk, who's director, who are the actors? Because if I'm not the acting dude and I'm director, and this is a straight porn, we HAVE to get Geoff in on it. Or else it's TURTLE MAN, and do you want TURTLEMAN in on this porno? That old cop probably won't do either, who, now that I think of it, is probably Geoff's Dad.
>>
No. 707679 ID: c47b0c

Read the muffin man real quick, then start talking about making a porno.
>>
No. 707696 ID: c66656

I don't see how you could release this porno and not have the people know it was you. You have very distinctive bodies.
>>
No. 707726 ID: 4754ce

Ask her to make a porno like, immediately. Test the waters.
>>
No. 707733 ID: 29c4aa

>>707657
why not rope geoff in either way?
>>
No. 707765 ID: 4201a2

Make plans. Figure out what equipment you need and where to get them. She appreciates putting thought into things, if her pranks are any indication.

After you've got that taken care of, make sure you check out Muffin Man before you go.
>>
No. 707819 ID: ab9ddd

PORN NOW. If we give her a day or more to prepare she'll prank the shit out of us.
>>
No. 707852 ID: f56624

Control your genitals, cmon. We gotta set up a proper appointment for this.

And just straight-up ask her if this is gonna be a prank or not, it's way less fun if there's actual betrayal of trust involved. No mischief-maker worth their salt is going to put their friendships on the line over a joke.
>>
No. 707853 ID: f56624

>>707852
(and leave geoff out of it, we don't know him well enough to know if he'll be a liability or not. Geeze.)
>>
No. 707862 ID: 52d738
File 145749229388.png - (3.28KB , 500x500 , 2-107.png )
707862

You: "Wait, is this going to be another prank?"

Naz: "Nope."
>>
No. 707863 ID: 52d738
File 145749231613.png - (2.77KB , 500x500 , 2-108.png )
707863

You: "I don't believe you."

Naz: "What makes you think this is going to be a prank?"

You: "The fact that everything else you've done to me was, and that you spent all day pranking the shit out of the town."

To your surprise, Naz looks slightly hurt.

Naz: "Wow. I kind of like you, Chuck, and if you don't believe me..."

Naz: "Well, I guess that's my own fault."
>>
No. 707866 ID: cbd7dc

Take the plunge, bruh. Trust her. She's shown that she pranks with good taste, so don't worry. She won't psyche you up for a porno and then leave you with your dick hanging out in front of the whole town. Go for it.

"No, you're right. I'm sorry. You wouldn't prank me in a crass way like that, and the porno suggestion was my idea, anyway. I'm being paranoid. I'd really like to do this, though. Still up for it?

"... You wanna go now?"
>>
No. 707867 ID: f56624

>>707863
"Ayy, got you back nerd. How's tuesday?"
PLAY IT OFF, FULL DAMAGE CONTROL
>>
No. 707868 ID: 4a684e

I say apologize and go for it. What's the worst that can happen, getting your dick posted online? Town wouldn't see it. Maybe.
>>
No. 707869 ID: 02422f

I guess if the prank is all in my head all I've succeed at is pranking myself.
>>
No. 707870 ID: 62e25c

you should probably apologize.

If she says its not a prank, then its not a prank. Doing a porno means everybody's gotta be on the same page. Pranks are fun and all, but as long as no one gets hurt.
>>
No. 707872 ID: 52d738
File 145749346519.png - (6.39KB , 500x500 , 2-109.png )
707872

You: "Well shit, I'm sorry Naz. I trust you. Even if it was a prank... no one-"

Naz: "No one gets hurt, yeah. That includes feelings."

Naz: "It's alright, man."

You: "So, how are we doing this? Who's gonna direct it?"

Naz: "Selma."

You: "Uh...?"

Naz: "Trust me."

She sits back down at the computer screen and pulls up The Muffin Man. It is a short story that begins 'Do you know the muffin man?'

...

and devolves into a peculiar story of a pastry themed superhero who rides a flying bicycle.

it then devolves further into extremely graphic sex between him and his bespectacled dietitian girlfriend

...

who turns out to be the super villain, but neither of them knows the other's secret identity.
>>
No. 707873 ID: 4a684e

Is this an invitation to eat healthy pastries off of a rodent?
>>
No. 707874 ID: 02422f

>>707872
...well, I know where we can get a bicycle. You'll have to be in charge of cgi-ing it flying, though.

This seems awfully topical, Naz. (It hasn't been too long since a certain bicycle riding pastry delivery boy started making the rounds).
>>
No. 707875 ID: 5ad4a7

>>707872
It's perfect! We have a bicycle and everything.

So now we have the what. When and where?
>>
No. 707877 ID: 52d738
File 145749526617.png - (49.01KB , 500x500 , 2-110.png )
707877

You: "That's... hm. Yeah, Selma can direct it. That story seems a little topical. Oddly specific almost."

Naz: "I don't pretend to understand Selma. That's why we're best friends."

You: "Uh-huh. Well, I think we've got everything we need to get it rolling-"

Naz: "Not quite. If we're going to do this right, we'll need costumes."

Naz: "I'll pitch in half for those, of course."
>>
No. 707878 ID: 52d738
File 145749528837.png - (42.02KB , 500x500 , 2-111.png )
707878

>>
No. 707879 ID: 5ad4a7

Ah, a job for that tailor we've heard about! We can check to see if they're in the shop still.

Gonna need to draw up some designs beforehand, of course. May as well do that now.
>>
No. 707880 ID: 02422f

All right, I'll leave you to coordinate with Selma and handle the technical setup. I'll go secure the production's wardrobe.

Let's go see the tailor, if they're still open.
>>
No. 707881 ID: 5ad4a7

>>707880
I thought Naz just meant that we'd be acting out Selma's story, so it would be like she was directing it, but without being there to watch. Though, we should probably make sure, to avoid any surprises.

Wait a minute who's gonna hold the camera? Is it just gonna be on a tripod?
>>
No. 707882 ID: ab9ddd

Jesus Christ. Pastry themed superheros? Flying bikes? This is gonna be the best pornographic film in the history of mankind... It's also going to be interesting trying to get the tailor to make those suits.
>>
No. 707883 ID: 52d738
File 145749737494.png - (6.64KB , 500x500 , 2-112.png )
707883

You: "So are we just acting out Selma's story, or-"

Naz: "No."

Naz: "Selma likes to watch."

Selma: "Hi"

You: "WAH! HOLY SHIT, WOMAN"

Naz: "She can handle the camera work well, too. She's production, I'm post. It's perfect."

You can't really see any flaws in the logic. You are unsure if the tailor is open at the moment. You have been in the library for about 45 minutes, and it is half past 4PM.
>>
No. 707884 ID: 02422f

>"Selma likes to watch."
Don't let that bother you, Charlie. That's the whole point of the porno, after all.

>She's production, I'm post.
And you're starring too. Naz gets double billing!
>>
No. 707885 ID: 5ad4a7

>>707883
Just get some basic designs down for the costumes, maybe read a bit more of the blog while you wait for the two girls to chat about it.
>>
No. 707887 ID: f4989a

Wait a minute... "The muffin man?" When was that post released? it might be secretly about you Chuck... Think about it, who spends his work day delivering baked goods?
Anyway yeah let's discuss costumes, no really weird shit, nothing that is based off any fanfics or clowns is a start.
>>
No. 707888 ID: 52d738
File 145749976154.png - (8.80KB , 500x500 , 2-113.png )
707888

You don't consider yourself much of a costume designer, but you think that you could come up with some basic concepts to pitch to the tailor. Whether or not you decide to go there this evening.

Naz: "I am excited."

She does not sound excited, but she probably is.

Naz: "Not surprisingly, spending all day pranking left me little time for my work. I should get back to that."

[optional paper doll]

Please decide where you would like to go next!
>>
No. 707890 ID: f4989a

Hmm, alright here are two ideas I've kicked around.
1. Civil war, become Cletus, confederate private and Nadine, a lovely southern bell and nurse
2. Victorian Era masquerade, become Lord Clermont Edgeworth III, and Dutchess Natalie of Perth
>>
No. 707891 ID: f56624
File 145750119848.png - (124.41KB , 500x500 , mascot.png )
707891

>>707888
the height of eroticism
>>
No. 707894 ID: 350a50

Whatever you do, make sure your face is obscured. You're a wanted man after all.
>>
No. 707910 ID: 51c5c7
File 145751080579.png - (16.22KB , 500x500 , 145749976154 - Copy.png )
707910

Figured I'd give it a shot...It's terrible, but...I tried my best!

Maybe a superhero/villian design?
>>
No. 707912 ID: 15fae4
File 145751345297.png - (26.45KB , 500x500 , 569448446.png )
707912

>>707888 (Witnessed)

you guys just need some black and white paint, some boxes with attachments, and some blobs of whatever for hands and feet and a big ol' fox tail
>>
No. 707914 ID: 5ad4a7

You guys aren't saying where to go next.

I'm going to assume everyone wants to at least check out the tailor.
>>
No. 707915 ID: f0e552

I think maybe the tailor should decide...

Also, uh, when are we even doing this anyway?
>>
No. 707944 ID: 98cd73
File 145755522361.png - (16.17KB , 500x500 , steve.png )
707944

for the love of god
>>
No. 707945 ID: 343b23

If we do do a superhero/villain thing we can get it to play into naz's s and m exhibition fetish. We'd be a villain crushing a hero sexually. Talking about showing all her fans what she looks like now. Stuff like that.
>>
No. 707951 ID: 5ad4a7

>>707945
That's not how the script goes! The Muffin Man is the superhero, anyway. At best we would catch the supervillain in-costume for a sexy confrontation. Isn't that part of Naz's fetish, anyway? Being caught and punished?
>>
No. 708120 ID: b8d5aa
File 145761293430.png - (8.94KB , 500x500 , mistress naz and cat slave.png )
708120

>>707888
>>
No. 708123 ID: b66b01
File 145761730079.png - (23.10KB , 720x500 , Muffin Man Costume.png )
708123

I had fun with this.
>>
No. 708151 ID: 5ad4a7

>>708123
Now that's the stuff.
>>
No. 708155 ID: 5ad4a7

Oh shit I just realized we're forgetting something important.

We need to set up food delivery for the plath house. TO THE CAFE!
>>
No. 708176 ID: 240e41

>>708123
problem with that one is it leaves the face exposed....
>>
No. 708188 ID: b66b01
File 145764737806.png - (1.66KB , 115x118 , Helmet update.png )
708188

>>708123
>>708176
Helmet update.
>>
No. 708261 ID: 51c5c7

>>708188
...Perfect.
>>
No. 708266 ID: 15fae4
File 145769472204.png - (27.84KB , 500x500 , gffjhjfg.png )
708266

i don't know where i was going with this

i wish i had some excuse like i was drunk or high but i don't
>>
No. 708287 ID: ab9ddd

>>708266
A true masterpiece, how is it that none of your work is in the Louvre yet?
>>
No. 708401 ID: a33f42

>>707910
I'm quite fond of this getup.
>>
No. 708408 ID: f6442a

>>708123
>>708188

This outfit is perfect for a stroll down Drury Lane.
>>
No. 708673 ID: 62e25c
File 145783837268.png - (76.29KB , 500x500 , costumes1.png )
708673

Had a harder time than I thought I would with these
>>
No. 708713 ID: 99a64d

>>708266
Let's go with this.
>>
No. 708739 ID: f562b1

>>708123
>>708188
I like this one.
>>
No. 708891 ID: 4201a2

>>708123
Naz explicitly said we're not doing the muffin man story though.

>>707910
>>708673
My vote's on some combination of these two. Superhero/supervillain is a good theme, and tear-off clothing is genius.
We should consult with Naz about who should be the hero and who should be the villain though.
>>
No. 708895 ID: 2f6601

>>708266
This is clearly the best one
>>
No. 708912 ID: 5ad4a7

>>708891
>Naz explicitly said we're not doing the muffin man story though.
You mean... the opposite of that.
>>
No. 708916 ID: 6a0e58

less like this
>>708123
>>708188
more like this
>>708120
>>
No. 708918 ID: 4201a2

>>708912
>>707883
>You: "So are we just acting out Selma's story, or-"
>Naz: "No."
Seems pretty clear to me.
>>
No. 708924 ID: 5ad4a7

>>708918
We're not JUST acting out Selma's story. She's directing it too.
>>
No. 709002 ID: 4754ce

>>708924
She said no.
>>
No. 709008 ID: 5ad4a7

>>709002
Well why do we need costumes then?
>>
No. 709014 ID: ab9ddd
File 145792956855.jpg - (27.42KB , 320x315 , IAMTHELAW.jpg )
709014

>>708673
This one looks great. Though, at first glance I thought Chuck was wearing Judge Dredd's helmet.
>>
No. 709079 ID: f562b1

Okay, if it isn't the Muffin Man, then >>708673
>>
No. 709097 ID: 51c5c7

>>708673
Yeah that's way better than mine...
>>
No. 709155 ID: 9a338c

Another big question, SOUND. How the dickens are you two (or selma) going to mask your voices? I mean, Naz is a local and charles is already somewhat known.

Not that is hard to track one of the two males that exist in a little town callec coxwette.

I'm asking because you two perverts plan on releasing this to the public.
>>
No. 709158 ID: a76b7e

>>709155

Oh, there's an idea! Make it a classy black and white porno, totally silent. Add some french subtitles or something, some odd (face-concealing?) angles, make it seem all artsy. Then you'll still have the risk but also plausible deniability.

I'm sure Selma is familiar with the genre conventions of erotic arthouse cinematography.
>>
No. 709214 ID: 15a025

>>708673
Okay this or the muffin man.
>>
No. 709233 ID: 51c5c7

Or, you could digitally alter your voices...if it's a super hero themed one, it could be on the basis of "super heroes get weird things to their voice...Or something
>>
No. 709287 ID: f6442a

>>708891
>>708912
>>709079
>>709002
Clearing this up in the disthread:
>>/questdis/98468
>>
No. 709649 ID: b8d5aa
File 145810744910.png - (9.94KB , 500x550 , so picky.png )
709649

>>708120
>>709287

ok well if that is the case then

easily remedied
>>
No. 709865 ID: 8a204b
File 145822330012.png - (78.31KB , 500x500 , eh.png )
709865

Gotta remember folks, this isn't a professional project. Don't have the budget for something grandeur. Better to make the costumes out of things that are easily obtained for cheap.
>>
No. 709939 ID: 51c5c7

>>709865
okay, I LOVE the labcoat, just saying
>>
No. 709966 ID: 56368b

>>709865
I like this one!
>>
No. 710038 ID: f562b1

>>709865
Naz's outfit in that one makes it look more expensive, as I doubt they'll have a labcoat premade and ready in her size. I mean, maybe we could bleach a really small trenchcoat and try that, in which case it should be plausible, but other than that I don't have any ideas for her.
>>
No. 710072 ID: 2b6555

Remember that the outfits have to be the sort that can be ditched quickly and easily and sexily. Struggling with clothes will be a turn-off for a lot of people.
>>
No. 710095 ID: 08ed3a

>>709865
What is this "Muffin Man fucks the Bakesale Bandit?" We're not doing one based on selma's really shitty (and creepy) fanfic.
>>
No. 710100 ID: 4201a2

>>710095
According to the disthread, we have no choice.
The author wants the porno to be muffin-themed.
>>
No. 710113 ID: 5ad4a7

>>710095
We are, in fact, doing a porno based on the Muffin Man fic.
>>
No. 710114 ID: f02a77

>>710095
Even if we weren't, all the other costumes are either really bad for a (secret) porno or superhero-themed anyways. Might as well go with the idea that at least one person already knows about.
>>
No. 710253 ID: b8d5aa

>>710095

>What is this "Muffin Man fucks the Bakesale Bandit?"

yes please. do this
>>
No. 710307 ID: 56368b

>>710095
>>710253

>"Muffin Man fucks the Bakesale Bandit"

YEs
>>
No. 710325 ID: 15a025

>>710095
Oh my yes! Let's go with this.
>>
No. 710550 ID: 8db1df

Whatever costume we give Naz, we need to have a sidekick/hench(wo)man version of it for Selma to wear.
Otherwise people would probably notice Selma filming these two having sex in public. Or was it pubic?
>>
No. 710666 ID: 155199

Those damn muffin-stealing whores!

I just want to see high heels and thigh-high stockings. Chuck should definitely wear a fedora on his head and then a tiny little fedora on his penis as a surprise reveal.
>>
No. 711007 ID: 819eaf

Please see discussion thread
>>
No. 711079 ID: 163674
File 145878525403.png - (6.52KB , 500x500 , 2-114.png )
711079

You scribble down a few ideas for costumes, chuckling to yourself.

You will need to decide on an idea officially, though. Which costumes do you want to get made? Remember, Naz is going in half on the cost. Secondly, you’ll need to either go with Selma’s idea, or pitch a new one entirely to the girls.
>>
No. 711083 ID: f6442a

Hmm, tough choice now...

Go with the Selma's script, and use this costume for Charlemagne >>708123 (with updated helmet) and this costume for Naz (>>709865). The labcoat is just irresistible.
>>
No. 711086 ID: 04b15a

I'd go with >>709865 , but keeping in mind >>709158 's stylistic suggestions.
>>
No. 711090 ID: 90f3c0

Sure, go with Selma's idea. >>709865 Looks good.
>>
No. 711095 ID: 71c33b

>>711079

i thought we settled this. we are doing "Muffin Man fucks the Bakesale Bandit"

now, are we off to the tailor or where are we going next? how about the creepy old farmer's place to get the booze, or arrange some food delivery for the plath house?
>>
No. 711097 ID: 5ad4a7

>>711090
Agreed.
>>
No. 711098 ID: 15a025

"Muffin Man fucks the Bakesale Bandit" with this costume >>708123
>>
No. 711100 ID: 163674
File 145878975830.png - (7.47KB , 500x500 , 2-115.png )
711100

You decide on the labcoat/diner hat idea, keeping in mind some of the more avant garde stylistic choices in mind for later.

Naz: “Creative, but unexpected. That is good.”

Selma: “I can’t believe you two are going to have sex. That’s crazy. Crazy to think about. I will think about it later.”

Naz: “Good. We need someone developing concepts.”

Selma: “Yes, of course. The concepts.”

You will leave the two of them to their work for the evening. Where will you go next?
>>
No. 711102 ID: 5ad4a7

If it's not dark or anything we can go talk to the guy who's supposed to have some BOOZ.
>>
No. 711109 ID: 02422f

>>711100
We must find a tailor, of course! We need to buy the stuff, or get them started stitching. (Do we need to get Naz's measurements?).
>>
No. 711119 ID: 163674
File 145879337424.png - (8.58KB , 500x500 , 2-116.png )
711119

Naz scrawls her measurements onto a scrap of printer paper and hands it to you on your way out of the lab. It isn’t quite dark yet, but the evening is approaching. As you recall, the tailor is open until 5PM, and it is around quarter to five.
>>
No. 711122 ID: 5ad4a7

Ok get to the tailor then, this is a good opportunity. Get them to start on the costumes and we can try to make it to the ranch before dark.
>>
No. 711126 ID: 02422f

>>711119
Well, maybe you can make it! Go! Let's see if it's too late to place an order.

Worst case you can make an appointment for tomorrow.
>>
No. 711127 ID: 343b23

Shouldn't we finish delivering those baked goods?
>>
No. 711133 ID: 5ad4a7

>>711127
Already done.
>>
No. 711151 ID: b2b139

Run boy run! Get those costumes ready! If you want to remain anonymous so no one realizes that you are doing this for porn, have Selma go with you and have HER be the one to fill out the order for the costumes. That way if anyone else sees it you can say she was just doing a favor for the guy who was making it.
>>
No. 711208 ID: b8d5aa

>>711122

we probably won't have time to get to the tailor AND the ranch.

maybe we could go to the tailor, and then head back to the plath house for a little evening smooching with dogmom
>>
No. 711212 ID: 2a7417

To the tailor, no time to tarry!
>>
No. 711316 ID: 163674
File 145886944070.png - (2.66KB , 500x500 , 2-117.png )
711316

You break into a brisk run for the Shoppe Stoppe, your pudding-splattered cardigan in tow. At times like this, you wish that you had your ladies’ fixed-gear pannier bicycle.
>>
No. 711317 ID: 163674
File 145886945361.png - (6.42KB , 500x500 , 2-118.png )
711317

You arrive just as the tailor is locking the door to her workshop.
>>
No. 711318 ID: 5ad4a7

Aw nuts, say hello and ask if you couldn't convince them to take one last order.
>>
No. 711319 ID: fa8f9d

im scared the tailor is gonna secretly be reaver or something.
>>
No. 711324 ID: 02422f

>>711317
Ah, are you closing?

Introduce yourself, make the tailor's acquaintance.
>>
No. 711330 ID: 163674
File 145887224404.png - (7.43KB , 500x500 , 2-119.png )
711330

You: “Oh, are you closing up?”

Tailor: “No. I simply lock the door to keep the clothes from leaving.”

You: “Uh-”

Tailor: “A joke… but I’ve never been good at them. My name… you probably could not pronounce, but you may call me Sophie. What can I do for you?”

You: “A pleasure, ma’am. I’m Chuck. I am looking to have some costumes made.”

Tailor: “…costumes.”

You: “Yes’m.”

Sophie: “It is a bit far from Halloween.”

You: “They’re for a costume party.”

Sophie: “Oh… you peculiar man. People from out of town… they always are. What’s that? A design?”

She lifts a pale, white hand from beneath her poncho and takes your sketch, along with Naz’s measurements.

Sophie: “Simple, but strange. So very strange as well that your cardigan is covered in pudding.”

Sophie: “I will take this commission for 90bux, and I must ask for half now.”
>>
No. 711335 ID: 5ad4a7

Welp there goes half our earnings, but it'll be worth it.

Heyyyy, ask if the pudding will stain or anything. Does she have any advice for cleaning it?
>>
No. 711336 ID: 02422f

>>711330
Pay her the 45, we can afford that. We'll get the other half from Naz later.
>>
No. 711337 ID: 1ce29f

>>711330
Give her the needed bux
>>
No. 711338 ID: 99a64d

OH FUCK! SEXY SPIDER ALART SEXY SPIDER ALART

Be cool. Buy the shit. Ask her a bit about herself, but keep it short, she probably wants to leave.
>>
No. 711340 ID: f56624

>>711330
"Yeah, Naz got me. Here's the cash, Naz will be covering the other half."
>>
No. 711348 ID: 1862a8

Try not to check out dat abdomen.
>>
No. 711350 ID: 163674
File 145887481008.png - (6.31KB , 500x500 , 2-120.png )
711350

You: “Oh, yeah, I got pranked a little while ago.”

Sophie: “…the mouse. Yes?”

You: “Yeah.”

Sophie stares for a moment.

Sophie: “Soak in baking soda solution, wash hot, air dry.”

You will have to get Ramona to do that. You hand Sophie 45bux, leaving you with 48bux left.

Sophie: “Thank you. I can have finished in three business days. Pick up in-store on Wednesday with remaining balance.”

You: “Will do, ma’am. Make sure the faces… eh, of the wearers are covered.”

Sophie: “Ok.”

You: “So… tell me a little bit about yourself, Sophie.”

Sophie: “I work with the Ellen in the shop. I am nothing else if not tired. Good night, Chuck.”
>>
No. 711351 ID: 5ad4a7

>>711350
Oh, goodnight then.

Any chance we can get to the ranch before dark?
>>
No. 711352 ID: 99a64d

"See ya!" cue sleazy charming grin.
>>
No. 711353 ID: f2461f

Kiss her hand and tell her goodnight.
>>
No. 711354 ID: b8d5aa

nice, so we have the costumes in order.

this is obviously going to end badly, but YOLO

with the remaining time let's get some food if the diner is still open and bring it back to the plath house, so as to avoid dogmom's cooking and maybe butter her up a little.
>>
No. 711355 ID: 02422f

>>711350
Au revoir.
>>
No. 711356 ID: 163674
File 145887624121.png - (6.09KB , 500x500 , 2-121.png )
711356

You bid farewell to the weird tailor and she walks home.

Overall, you are in a decent mood. It is Friday night and you’re gonna fuck that moooooouuuuuuusssse

You consider going to the farm, but it is the evening, and you remember the things that Ellen said about that guy being weird as shit. You can still head up head up there this evening, but you might want to wait until another day for an earlier time.
>>
No. 711357 ID: b8d5aa

>>711356

what do the inhabitants of the town do for fun on the weekends? is there a place they sort of congregate at to chat and relax?
>>
No. 711361 ID: 5ad4a7

>>711356
See if you can find the construction lady. Maybe we can convince her the Mayor told you to get that blocked passage open, but won't officially cop to it. Or we can say you need a sledgehammer to help out with some renovations at the plath house.

...alternatively we could use this evening to try to find the ghost, or the key to the safe.
>>
No. 711362 ID: 33c558

Consult MISSION LOG. I want to make sure we're not forgetting anything.

If we're not, I can't think of much that you can squeeze into one night, except maybe ghost hunting. But, ghosts generally show up in the early hours of the morning, and you should probably pick up some... uh, ghost bait or something. Besides that, maybe go back to your pad and start brushing up on your french. You won't get anywhere with it if you don't practice some time. And don't forget you have a date tomorrow!

Hmm, better think of a story for that, actually. It'll get around that you went on it, so you might want to lay some groundwork, convince the Plaths you're just doing it out of gratitude.
>>
No. 711373 ID: 5ad4a7

>>711362
There's a MISSION LOG on the wiki here:
http://tgchan.org/wiki/Coxwette/Quest_Log
>>
No. 711377 ID: bb78f2

You know, we do have Romona to talk to and comfort. I don't like leaving her hanging for long.

We do need to have a talk with her. An honest, respectful talk.
>>
No. 711378 ID: 012a6b

>>711377
This
>>
No. 711385 ID: b8d5aa

>>711377

yes, let's retire early to the plath house and spend time with dogmom.
>>
No. 711413 ID: 777fe4

>>711385
>>711377

Talk is cheap! That's why we looked into the catacombs to begin with, trying to find a gift for her.

Hmm. There's presumably somewhere that offers evening meals somewhere in this town, since dinner dates are possible... perhaps we could get a dinner basket to bring home to her. Or, well, not dinner, that might insult her if she's made dinner herself, but some sort of dessert to clear the taste of complement the main meal.
>>
No. 711493 ID: 163674
File 145896046271.png - (10.94KB , 500x500 , 2-122.png )
711493

You return to the Plath house for the night. It is still old and creepy creepy, like a great hunched figure on the hill.
>>
No. 711494 ID: 163674
File 145896048221.png - (6.26KB , 500x500 , 2-123.png )
711494

Ramona is walking through the living room.

Ramona: “Good evening.”
>>
No. 711499 ID: 5ad4a7

>>711494
Ask if she's alright.
>>
No. 711500 ID: 02422f

>>711494
Hello there, Ramona.

Be nice, she's been vulnerable.
>>
No. 711503 ID: 163674
File 145896297088.png - (4.91KB , 500x500 , 2-124.png )
711503

>honest, respectful talk

That’s generally what you try to AVOID with women. Now you’re thinking you want to actively pursue it? Well, it’s worth a try.

You: “Are you alright?”

Ramona turns around.

Ramona: “Yes, dear. I’m fine.”
>>
No. 711504 ID: 163674
File 145896298223.png - (7.91KB , 500x500 , 2-125.png )
711504

You: “Come on baby, no need to be so cold.”

You brush up against her, but she keeps walking.

Ramona: “My name is Ramona.”

You: “Oh, you’re still upset about earlier.”

Ramona: “No. I know it’s my fault. I was naive to think a young, handsome man would have anything to do with an old cow like me. I’m too old to be that naive.”
>>
No. 711505 ID: 5ad4a7

Tell her you have no interest in being tied down, that's all. You plan to make it up to her, but you'd have to get access to a sledgehammer first.
>>
No. 711506 ID: f56624

"Geez ramona, work on your self-confidence. You're attractive, and you have a winning personality.

I may be a wild free stallion, but I wouldn't have gone for you if I didn't think you were worth pursuing doll."
>>
No. 711507 ID: 02422f

>>711504
I rather thought I already had rather more than something to do with you, though, Ramona.

It's not that you're naive, it's that you'll selling yourself short.
>>
No. 711510 ID: 163674
File 145896394156.png - (6.09KB , 500x500 , 2-126.png )
711510

You: “So I’m a little bit wild for your taste. That’s not your fault.”

You: “In fact, you’re missing the point, and the point is that you’ve still got it. You’re a beautiful sweetheart, Ramona. Don’t ever forget.”

Ramona:

Ramona: “You’ll find your bill on your bed.”

Ramona: “Good night, Chuck.”
>>
No. 711511 ID: 5ad4a7

>>711510
Okay let's go wander the house for a while. Maybe check the attic?
>>
No. 711515 ID: 99a64d

Get a little serious. "I'm sorry I'm not the man you thought I was, goodnight."
>>
No. 711517 ID: 99a64d

>>711515
Oh, and let's see if you can't find that hot ghost.
>>
No. 711519 ID: f02a77

Kinda forgot we're a bit of a scumbag. Ah well.

You'd think Ramona would know a little better than this. "Sorry you thought a guest you only met a few days ago and know very little about would want to go steady with an older woman he equally knows nothing about. It's not his fault you seduced him."
>>
No. 711521 ID: 47897c

Let's let her just think over a few things for now, she's had better days. Tomorrow morning we may want to talk with her again, especially if we want to find a way into the catacombs. She knows this house its history better than anyone, if anyone can point us in the right direction (or at least give us an idea). For now just tell her something reassuring like "your a total catch, don't forget that. Have a good night."

If we intend to do some ghost hunting let's wait, and get some rest for a few hours at least. The ghost may come out at a certain time like midnight or 3 am or some other time that is commonly associated with ghosts.
>>
No. 711523 ID: 02422f

>>711519
Could we not go and sarcastically taunt her, cause Chuck would totally do that.

>>711510
...I never meant to make you unhappy, Ramona.

Good night.
>>
No. 711528 ID: d0a89e

Good night, Ramona.

And hey, if you don't want anything to do with me any more, still. Go out, some time - there are a lot of young handsome men who'll be interested. Trust me.

Pleasant dreams.
>>
No. 711529 ID: 163674
File 145896771353.png - (12.91KB , 500x500 , 2-127.png )
711529

You: “You’re a catch, Ramona. Just remember that.”

Ramona looks back at you briefly, then walks away down the hall.

You call after her one last time.

You: "Good night."

The old house creaks.

You head upstairs in search of an attic pullstring. To your surprise, the old mansion just has a little miniature door on the top floor. It is unlocked, but caked with dust and slightly warped. With some effort, you manage to open it. It leads to a cramped, spider-infested staircase.
>>
No. 711531 ID: 163674
File 145896774109.png - (7.13KB , 500x500 , 2-128.png )
711531

You climb up, poking your head into a dim room. The attic.

Before you are the still, fuzzy silhouettes of two hundred years worth of crap. What will you look for?
>>
No. 711534 ID: 5ad4a7

>>711531
Old letters are the usual interesting thing to find in an attic. I'd like to find that key though. Check the pockets of all the clothes.

Also look for a mirror to get spooked by.
>>
No. 711536 ID: 1862a8

Anything gold or silver would be nice. Small, portable. If you have to ditch town with just a bit of notice, it would be good to know where easily pawned items are.
>>
No. 711537 ID: 47897c

What are the boxes up here like? Cardboard? Wood?

It's a good idea looking for letters, maybe some kind of ledger or journal of the house might be good too. There's got to be some kind of old records that show the dates of past events or house construction. If we are trying to contact a ghost however, a good place to start might be looking for photographs of the deceased.
>>
No. 711540 ID: 163674
File 145897015326.png - (8.23KB , 500x500 , 2-129.png )
711540

It is a bit difficult to see much, but you didn’t have the foresight to grab a light before coming up here. There is enough light showing through from downstairs to faintly make out what you are looking at, though. Mirrors? How could anyone get spooked by those? There are crates and boxes all around made of everything from solid pine wood to cardboard. Some of them look more modern than others.

You walk forward into the dim, brushing aside cobwebs in search of documents. As it turns out, there are boxes and boxes… stacks of boxes filled with documents. Too much for you to possibly go through in any reasonable amount of time. There are some things strewn onto the floor, though.
>>
No. 711541 ID: 163674
File 145897017828.png - (9.11KB , 500x500 , 2-130.png )
711541

For example, some letters and a very old photograph.

The letter is scrawled and faded, but you can manage to make out most of the words.



Dearest Anna,

It was my grandfather who first discovered the essence of happiness, and it is with so many thanks to you, our little patch of earth shall flourish in his memory. Love and fellowship shall overrule the world’s laws of chaos, hatred, and belligerence, and nary a disparaging thought will stir us from our resting bliss.

It is said that we live and live beyond the finality of death. We live until our names are spoken for the last time, and live yet until the very last thought fades from the dying memory of our progeny. Stand with me my dear, stand with me while we still have our legs, and so that we might be immortalized in a photograph.

My darling pearl, there is no greater gift you could have given me.

We will never die.


Truly,

Charles Plath


>>
No. 711542 ID: 5ad4a7

>>711540
b e h i n d y o u

>>711541
Reading in the dark is bad for your eyes, Chuck! Take the photograph into the light so you can see it.
>>
No. 711543 ID: d0a89e

>>711540
>Mirrors? How could anyone get spooked by those?

Ooh, what if they LOOKED normal at first, but as you keep looking you slowly realize that the reflection is the wrong way around. Like you're holding one arm a bit straight and the other hand sort of bent inward and you don't notice at first but then you do that your reflection actually ISN'T mirroring that. That, instead, it's standing like another person who's imitating you, your left to their left.

That'd be pretty spooky.
>>
No. 711544 ID: f56624

>>711541
wow, what a sentimental chode.
>>
No. 711545 ID: 47897c

Let's take a closer look at that photo, what did the esteemed Mr. Plath look like?
>>
No. 711546 ID: 38685c

>>711541
Uhm. Those are alchemical materials. Did they LITERALLY discover the essence of happiness?
>>
No. 711547 ID: 163674
File 145897161488.png - (7.58KB , 500x500 , 2-132.png )
711547

You take the photo over to the spooky mirror behind you in the attic. Since it is dark and inherently spooky, it makes you look much scarier than you actually are. Still, it has some light reflecting from it from downstairs, allowing you to look at the photo more clearly.
>>
No. 711548 ID: 163674
File 145897162054.png - (76.56KB , 500x500 , 2-131.png )
711548

>>
No. 711550 ID: 47897c

Hmm, not the happiest couple I've ever seen. You'd think with how much a sentimental guy he was with the way he writes you'd think they could at least look invested. Oh well, maybe it was an old camera where you had to stay stark still. Speaking of which does either the photo or the letter attached have a date?
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No. 711551 ID: 5ad4a7

>>711548
Huh, I guess the family took after the father's side.
Well, try putting things more in order than they were before you came up here.

Any roof access up here? That's where we saw the ghost, so...
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No. 711552 ID: f56624

wait a minute, is that snake mayor
is snake mayor a vampire in ADDITION to being a government reptilian
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No. 711553 ID: 5ad4a7

Wait does she look like the mayor? Maybe we have a reason to make an appointment!
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No. 711576 ID: d0a89e

>Anna
>Susanna

That's some Alucard shit right there. Guess we know why she has such old-fashioned views. And wardrobe. Gods damn pillbox-hattin' kennedy-ass chanel suitery, man. Can't call yourself no classy vampire immortal whatever if you don't stay on top of fashion. I mean man good on her getting up to the 60s from like the previous 60s that's not so bad if you take the broad view but she gotta push a little harder than that.
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No. 711596 ID: 163674
File 145901605108.png - (6.19KB , 500x500 , 2-133.png )
711596

>the mayor is a vampire

Well that is a bizarre, runaway thought. Completely ridiculous of course, but you cannot help but wonder how you would bring that up to her in conversation. God, it’s so creepy how she looks right at the camera. Didn’t you have to stand there for like fifteen minutes for those old-ass cameras?

You hear the front door close downstairs. Sally’s home.

Since her room is on this floor and you don’t want to be caught snooping in the creaky attic, you probably have time to search one more thing.

>photo box
>letter box
>chest
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No. 711597 ID: bb78f2

Pursue the chest
Feel up that chest with your thief hands
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No. 711598 ID: 02422f

Photo box.