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10532 No. 10532 ID: 9866d2

Ugh. The year was 2012, This was my fifth run-in with traditional tabletop gaming. One of my friends turned me on to it. This was also my first multiple-person campaign. Anyhow, we all got to the GM's house, and he told us we were playing a Pathfinder campaign.

It was a bit of a shock, seeing as I brought a 3.5 character sheet. But he showed me the SRD online and I was able to figure out how it all worked. Someone else brought Pathfinder character sheets, a godsend, and we all spent two hours making our (level 3) characters. My friend assured me that these guys were pro's and that I should follow their lead or something close to that.

The party consisted of 5 people

A Human Urban Ranger (me) who (stupidly) took two weapon fighting with two bastard swords (My personal favorite weapon) I also ended up rolling three 18's before the DM got me another set of d6's.

An Elf Summoner who put everything into his Eidolon (and let it do the talking while he rode around on it's back. He was the friend that turned me on to tabletop gaming)

A Tiefling witch (who buffed everyone's actions, not much to say)

A Human Antipaladin, he wielded a greatsword and was one of the few people roleplaying. He ended up getting a stat array when he couldn't roll higher than 12 using the d6's.

And finally, The Alchemist (also Human). He was absolutely crazy and awesome. He and I stuck together throughout the entire campaign.

Did I mention that this was an EVIL alignment campaign? Because it was. It was horrible.

It began with us chasing down an assassin, we had tracked him to a large scale city. No one knew the dude who hired us. We were delivered a note to find him, dead or alive, and go back to the Tavern (with 23 darkened corners) in the town we started in.

It started with us searching around for clues. We ended up in a local bar in the city slums. The Antipaladin asked the bartender about the assassing, and the bartender said "buy a drink first" so the Antipaladin says to give him the nastiest one he has. The bartender gives him a bottle (about 2 pints) of non-distilled Absinthe. That's close to 98% alcohol. The Antipaladin downs it in one go. No checks to see what it was, no checks to see if it was poisoned. Three Fortitude saves and one roll of the d1000 later, he's drunk for 512 turns.

Meanwhile, I'm chatting around outside using combination of my (Very high) Diplomacy, Sense Motive and Intimidate skills. The Summoner is trying to do the same thing, and failing at it because he didn't invest in the above skills that I had to take.

Back inside the bar, the Alchemist downs a flask of brandy and starts making bombs, with the Witch helping him. Then the GM tells him that the bombs decay after 1 turn, rendering all the bombs useless. We ended up selling them to a bunch of drug addicts up the street for 50 gp apiece.

We regrouped, and found some useful info; there was a thieves guild nearby with information. The Alchemist and I went looking for clues, the Antipaladin started hallucinating due to a failed will save, and the Summoner and the Witch already found where the Thieves Guild was, grabbed the Antipalading, and ditched the Alchemist and I.

I tell the Alchemist to make a bomb, and I went to throw it at the Summoner, but he gets about two full inches out of my throwing range. I tried to throw the alchemist bomb to get rid of it. The GM says "Roll a d20" so I do.

Natural 1.

The GM gets out the d30 and places it in a dramatic fashion on the table. I had never seen a dice larger than a d20 before. I ask my friend "What's he doing with that massive fucking dice?" My friend leans over and whispers in my ear "You're fucked" The GM rolls the d30, it lands on 10. The GM informs me that I just blew all the fingers off my right hand.

Snap decision, I tell the Alchemist to grab my fingers and put them back in the correct order. He does so, and I dump a health potion on my hand, which causes my fingers to re-attach themselves. Crisis averted. The GM looks right at me and says "Wow... I guess you... uh... level up?" So I leveled up.

The other three managed to talk to the Guildmaster about the assassin. The Guildmaster reveals that the assassin is his best bud, and orders the other thieves to attack. The Summoner realizes that he fucked up by not bringing the Alchemist or I along, and he had to ditch his Eidolon to get in, and the thieves had an anti-magic field up. So the only 'useful' one there was the Antipaladin, who had a -10 to hit due to being 'Shit-faced drunk'.

I used my tracking skill to find the thieves guild. The Alchemist and I found the door, which was operated by a doorman who demanded a password, one that I didn't have. So I told the Alchemist to put a bomb on the door. He did so, but he spent all of his abilities making it equivalent to 5 lbs. of C4. The door exploded off it's hinges and killed the dude behind it, and three other guys in the room behind that door. I charged in with a bastard sword in each hand. All the thieves look at me like I'm crazy.

This all ended with the Antipaladin saying "Fuck ALL of you." and walking out the front door of the guild.

The GM calls off the session on account of "Everyone being absolute shit at intrigue"

The lesson? Don't run an intrigue campaign and allow your players to be evil.
>>
No. 10533 ID: 9ddf68

shit this kinda sounds like my party and we're playing a "good" campaign. I use good lightly.
>>
No. 10536 ID: bf9168

10/10 not being completely stupid evil.
>>
No. 10561 ID: f0eee9

Thanks for the story!
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No. 10767 ID: ab0ecc

8/10
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No. 10834 ID: bc7b81

7.5/10
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No. 10852 ID: 4c2072

4/10
>>
No. 10879 ID: 625166

7/10

holy space carp, this is a year old?!
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