It is very dark. Hardly anything can be seen.
push buttons!
Lick blue.
Press the two white switches simultaneously.
>>53585 Lay there passively!
Lick blue!
Lick red.
You push both buttons! Your ALARM CLOCK has activated! The LIGHTS are now on! QUEST 1 END. GOOD MORNING END ACHIEVED.
>>53594 cheer
>>53594 Good game guys. Even better than watchquest.
You can't decide what to get for lunch.
This was a triumph~
>>53598 Tuna salad!
>>53598 Chicken sandwich, fries, root beer.
SMOKED TURKEY SANDWICH!
>>53598 Fish Taco. If you know what I mean.
>>53598 BAGEL SANDWICH.
>>53598 FUCKING BACON CHEESEBURGER, MAN!
Smoked tuna salad bagel sandwich with chicken fries and root beer! QUEST 2 END STRANGELY DELICIOUS CONCOCTION END ACHIEVED
There is a one eyed cat with a note!
>>53611 Walk away.
>>53611 Hug cat, read note
>>53611 Hug note read cat!
>>53611 Pet cat, despair of the state of the world where kittens get harmed. Do not take his note, that's HIS note.
HUG TOM READ NOTE
You walk away. Quest 3 End. Dissapointed Cat achieved!
>>53611 HUG READ NOTE CAT
>>53622 You MONSTER!
You take a girl to the movies. Which movie do you want to see?
>>53626 Rape Quest
>>53626 District 9, damnit. I want to see that movie already, after Cam failed!
>>53626 RAPE QUEST
Rape quest. or E
Rudy Mann, watch babe get wet, get laid.
RUDY MANN
>>53626 Rudy Mann!
>>53626 rape quest
>>53626 Rudy Mann will make you single again, as your girlfriend will be in love with a projector screen.
rape quest.
Rape Quest stopped showing a month ago! You decide to watch RUDY MANN. Quest 4 End. Got Laid After achievement.
You have a job interview! What do you do to prepare?
>>53642 masturbate
>>53642 Dress like a pirate
Draw beard on face and practice yelling into the mirror to demand a job.
>>53642 Shower, shave, pants, shotgun.
>>53642 Sing TAKE ONNN MEEEEEE!
DRESS LIKE A PIRATE CAPTAIN If someone asks, you're a firm believer in the flying spaghetti monster and this is your religious apparel.
Certainly this will get you the job! Quest 5 end. You didn't get the job achieved!
>>53651 SUE THEM FOR DISCRIMINATING YOU FOR YOUR RELIGION
This is all the food left in the house! Prepare for lunch.
CAPN CRUNCH AND MAYO EQUALS DElICIOUS
What? No chili? Starve to death.
>>53654 Grind captain crunch with mayo jar to make crumbs for breading. Apply this bearding to the beef and grill. Boil corn on the cob, serve with rootbeer.
Cap'n Crunch and mayo is not as tasty as you have been lead to believe! You decide to buy chili tomorrow. Quest 6 end wtfdidijusteat achieved
I respectfully disagree with your conclusions.
Decide on girl to take to movies!
neither take your best bro
>>53660 both. at the same time.
>>53660 I hear the one on the left is a delicious trap. Take her and hope you get ravished tonight.
>>53660 Yourself, also left chick.
Brunette
>>53660 Concoct a comically complicated plan to take them both to the movies at the same time!
>>53663 One on the left because large breasts doesn't always mean you'll get laid.
lefty has eyesockets!
You take the girl on the left! You hope she is a trap... Quest 7 ended Trap Card Activated
>>53660 Take the table! Oh no wait, that's your head.
There is a one eyed girl with a note!
>>53677 Take girl leave note
>>53677 READ HUG NOTE GIRL
>>53677 HUG NOTE READ GIRL
walk away
>>53677 set her on fire with your mind.
Hug her and ask to read the note.
Troll her. Wear Kamina glasses. Become King. Read Note. Rip note in front of her face.
Pull her dress up over her head so she's tangled in it, then tie it in a knot.
Take girl leave note put on Kamina glasses, got it. Quest 8 End. Sex Slave achieved.
>>53690 GREAT SUCESS
There is a one eyed cat and a job interview. How do you prepare?
Demonstrate manly phisique
Hug self, punch mirror into the other realm.
>>53697 skin cat; make fetching hat; wear hat to interview. if asked about the hat, say it's made from the last person that didn't give you a job.
Hug self to gain self-confidence.
>>53697 Use manly physique to apply for male strippers job.
>>53697 Remember, you can sue for discrimination if they turn you down. Otherwise, just freshen up, explain your quality experience in the field, and chat nicely with the interviewer.
Sequence break.
>>53697 Smash mirror. Cut self with shard of glass while screaming "WHYYYYYYYYY?!"
You hug mirror self for confidence! He wishes you luck.
You smash the mirror, and kill your mirror self. Your mirror self screams WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Chapter 9 end. Inhuman bastard achieved.
>>53707 >>53711 D'awwwwwhatthefuck?!
It is very bright. Hardly anything can be seen.
Perfect!
>>53715 Shield eyes with hand.
>>53715 I SEE A STRING THING! PUNCH IT!
>>53716 Mission accomplished! o/
Put on sunglasses. Scream YEEEEEAAAAAHHH.
You shield your eyes with your hand and punch your head.
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH Quest 10 end YEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH achieved.
This is all the food left in the house! Prepare lunch for your girl.
>>53742 Make oatmeal with bananas. Supply romantic music and companion cat along with food.
Construct gourmet meal with duct tape.
Fillet cat, season in garlic, fry it over a bed of oats, top with mustard, serve with root beer, don't tell her what it was until she finishes, then pull out the skin as proof. Eat your own portion too though.
>>53742 hey, music isn't food, it's a weapon! use music to kill cat, butcher it into CAT MEATS Mix garlic and mustard to make BETTER MUSTARD, coat CAT MEATS with BETTER MUSTARD. Cook for 1 hour or until golden brown.
>>53742 Mix everything together in your blender. EVERYTHING.
>>53742 Serve Lunch on our own naked belly. Hope our trap girlfriend finds it sexy.
You server filleted cat on a bed of oats with better mustard on top of your naked body. Your girlfriend is surprised, disgusted, confused, and slightly aroused. Chapter 11 end. GREAT SUCCESS achieved.
There is a one eyed girl. Hardly anything can be seen.
>>53759 Throw flower at the darkness
>>53759 fall into black void.
>>53759 flick the light on and off until OBOA appears. Hug Oboa.
>>53759 The flower is a sunflower. Use it to shine light into the darkness.
You use sunflower! Nothing happens.
>>53766 Turn your head right.
>>53766 Cast magic missle at the darkness!
You turn your head right.
Open door. Fallingman.gif
>>53774 Open door, examine hanging photo.
Quest 12 End Fallingman achieved!
Ohgod this is like Warioware but with quests. I love it.
You are at the job interview. Your prospective boss asks you why you did not take the note.
this is a job interview what are you going here you are a cat you can't even read
>>53808 Jump on desk and assume WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY pose and sound. Then sit down as though nothing has happened. Repeat if he asks that question again.
You wanted to prove that you were good enough without having to accept help from a note.
>>53808 Because the note was made of delicious catfood!
Read note. Hug tom.
You assume the WRYYYYYY pose and explain that you were confident enough in your own abilities to not require the note's aid. The cat explains that the note's aid is imperative. How do you respond?
"Baby, my only imparrative is LOVE" Then uppercut the sun!
READ NOTE HUG TOM
"Baby, my only imparrative is LOVE" Quest 13 end Cat Seduce Fail achieved.
There is a movie and a girl here. You can't decide what to get for lunch.
>>54017 eat movie, fuck lunch, watch girl.
Take the girl to the movie and gorge yourself on popcorn.
>>54017 Cat. And don't forget to grab one of the dietary information notes off the wall there.
You may eat the movie.
You order a cat for lunch, eat the movie, fuck your lunch, and watch your girlfriend. She is surprised, disgusted, confused, and slightly aroused. Quest 14 End Awkward Boner achieved
This is getting pretty dadaist.
You are very dark. Hardly any of you can be seen.
>>54045 Be eaten by a grue. It's very likely, you know.
>>54045 cut off longer foot to achieve SYMMETRY.
>>54045 You can be seen all too well. Rip off an arm to lower your profile.
You might say the probably of being eaten by a grue is 100%. Quest 15 End Grue discovered.
A schoolgirl is about to explain the plot.
>>54064 KISS HER
>>54064 listen intently, because you are a completionist and that's got to be an achievement.
>>54064 KISS HEEEER
>>54064 Eat the plot.
>>54064 shalalalalalala kees zee girl.
>>54064 Cunt punt.
Plot has been eaten! Quest 16 End Girls Kissing Girls achieved!
You are a kitty. A sergal stole your awesome sword and now you just have these crappy daggers. You aren't sure what to do.
>>54120 STARE AT SERGAL. Nothing else. Just STARE. He'll give it back, or die of a heart attack. Win either way.
>>54120 Distract him in a bathhouse with your boobies, then steal it back and stab him with it
>>54120 Watch him until he gives it back. WATCH HIM PEEING
>>54123 Suggest staring. Staring. Staring.
>>54123 Post a suggestion so stupid it has to be followed!
>>54120 >>54123 Stare at the kitty staring at teh sergal.
You stare at the sergal while he pees, only he can't pee while you're watching him. Eventually, he gives your sword back to make you stop doing that. Quest 17 End 1,390 Sword Points 0 Sergals Killed
Okay, I'm confused... Reaver and Gnomu both deleted their posts? This isn't going to make much sense in retrospect.
You stare at Gnome while he draws, only he can't draw while you're watching him. Eventually he lets you use his computer to make you stop. Quest 17 BONUS END Acquired: Secret Apocalyption plot notes 3x Team Fortress 2 Scout Achievements 4x Team Fortress 2 Spy Achievements A one week ban from Lolcats for uploading pictures with no captions An entry called 'How to kill someone with your bare hands'
Gnome, I love you.
This made me lol so much.
Gnome you are my favorite Gnome.
>>54203 Which achievements, out of curiosity?
>>54613 Triple Play Dodgers 1, Giants 0 First Blood High Value Target May I Cut In? Triplecrossed You Only Shiv Thrice
The floor is made of lava, and you need to pee!
>>55396 pee into lava, but aim far enough away that the steam wont burn you.
>>55396 Pee out window.
>>55396 Drink your own pee.
>>55396 throw the furniture to the floor and use it as footsteps!
>>55396 WINDOWPEE
>>55396 Hold it until you explode!
>>55396 FUCK FUCK OH MAN Keep your legs on the chair, grab edges and hop over to carpet. Open your dresser and throw clothes on the floor to make a landbridge to the bathroom.
Jump off of chair onto rug. Surf into bathroom with style.
Quest 18 end. Unsuspecting bystander achieved!
piss on your socks and run to the bathroom chronicles of riddick style.
A loli is firing bullets at you! Blue goes clockwise, pink goes counterclockwise, green is heading for your current position, but does not home.
>>55427 Die
move 10 pixels forward and hold perfectly still.
>>55427 Lick blue.
Confess love to loli.
Gain altitude! Leave the 2D plane of the bullets.
Die.
>>55427 turn off the shitty video game and go play something good
>>55427 KISS THE LOLI
Use your DECEPTIVLY SMALL HITBOX to easilly weave through the bullet hell and proceed to HUG LOLI
>>55427 She can't kill you! Kill yourself first! That'll show her!
You confess your undying love to the loli! She begins to weep as the bullets shred you apart. Quest 19 end Tragedy achieved
A kobold has challened you to a game of wits!
>>55457 Sure. Play chess.
>>55457 Have the dwarf jump him!
Challenge him to a game of "Whose laser eyes are stronger?"
>>55457 Turn him into a pumpkin.
Challenge him to a game of "Whose laser eyes are str- PUMPKIIIIIINNNNNNNNS~
Say sure. Then kill him. Guess he wasnt witty enough to figure that one out, aye?
Pumpkiiiiinnnnnssssssssssssssss~ Quest 20 end. Pumpkin Pie achieved.
>>55457 Play a mill deck. ...oh, wait GAME of Wits, not BATTLE of Wits. My bad.
You decided to tap Gnome in the head so he can't concentrate on making Quests, but what now?
>>55496 THREE STOOGES EYE POKES FOR EVERYONE
Reveal that you're actually a lion.
>>55496 Tap him even more. Hes so short and tapable!
Take off your people suit and constrict him in your shadowy black furry form of death.
You burst out of your stolen human skin and leap upon the unsuspecting Gnome. He is delicious. DIDN'T GET TO THE CAR IN TIME achieved.
Jesus Fucking Christ!
You are tired, you need to go to bed. You have a mountain dew, a backpack, and a bed.
Go to bed, silly. Sleeping is conductive to health, and if you don't have your health, what have you got?
>>55564 mountain dew, a backpack, and a bed. Go to bed.
>>55561 Crawl into backpack and sleep.
>>55561 Sleep the sleep of your people.
>>55561 Fuck Dew, Marry Bed, Kill Backpack
Alright, so I got in the bed, but it doesn't seem to be getting anywhere.
>>55579 Tail in ear, because you can! Resume plotting to destroy Gnome.
>>55579 masturbate to clearly erotic poster.
>>55579 Second panel with no end? YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
>>55579 Hold your breath until you pass out. This will not kill you, as your body will automatically begin breathing again. SCIENCE!
Close your eyes and pretend to be asleep. Relax your breathing and systematicly move through each muscle in your body making sure that each of them is as relaxed as you can make them.
I masturbate to plots of destroying Gnome. Gnome loves it. I love it. I fall asleep shortly after! Chapter 22 end. NOSTALGIC TAKEOVER achieved. NAUGHTY BASTARDS achieved. NOCTURNAL EMISSION achieved.
I face my arch nemesis. I am in my toolshed, with all manner of equipment. How should I exact revenge?
Full on headbutt.
>>55629 TAKE THAT YOU BITCH! QUEST 23 END. GLASSFACE END ACHIEVED. ANGRY ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED.
You are a space pirate. What do you do?
>>55658 Install minor constrictions in all morph-ball size tubes.
>>55658 raid a ship crewed by a catgirl, a sheepgirl, a cuteboldgirl, and a girl missing an eye and her tongue.
>>55661 >in all morph-ball size tubes. >morph-ball size tubes. >tubes. TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBES!
TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBES!!!!
>>55658 Get a real job, find a good wife, settle down and have kids. Leave life of piracy behind.
>>55661 THIS! Then make armor out of tubes
Sing a charming space-sea shanty.
>>55661 >>55662 >>55664 >>55669 You decide to multitask. You build TUUUUUUBEarmor, hijack said ship, fill it with tubes, and put some constrictions in the tubes to fuck Samus over. MULTITASKING END TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBES ARMOR ACQUIRED SAMUS IS FUCKED ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBES ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED WHY THE FUCK DID MY INTERNET SHIT OUT ON ME RIGHT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO POST THIS ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
You are a chaotic good drow outcast with two scimitars whose mission is to redeem his wicked heritage!
>>56850 Make out with your sister.
>>56850 Make out with your best friend's girl. ...who is your sister. While he's stuck somewhere. Feel no moral qualms about this, just ANGST.
You don't have a sister. You have a big cat though. You try to make out with it and it eats your head. GOOD END ACHIEVED CAT DEFEATED WILD GARY STU CAT HAS GAINED A LEVEL!
You are a HERBIVOROUS BUNNY GIRL trapped in an underwater research facility with a ONE-EYED CAT. What do you do?
>>56866 Look for those fabled hidden cameras.
Take no shit! PUNCH EVERYTHING!
Hug Note, Read Tom with third eye and others closed.
>>56866 Find TARP. Have HOT RABBIT SEX under TARP to foil CAMERAS.
>>56869 You punch the SHIT out of Tom! Tom is confused and feels betrayed. RABBIT PUNCH achieved.
Cunt punt
>>56878 Kick him in the groin! Pull his hair! Twist his nipples! Poke him in the eye!
You are stuck in an absurdly long line. This angers you. Wat u do?
Dick kick
>>56890 Frottage the person in front of you, while snapping your fingers and humming a Vengaboys song.
Start a conga line. That should get people moving.
Why, this is much more entertaining! The wait will feel like no time at all, now! CONGA LINE ACQUIRED GROINKICK END ACHIEVED Xom is amused.
You are a PATHETIC NERD who spends every waking hour on your computer browsing threads on forums no one has ever heard of. You've stumbled upon a quest thread wherein the forum's denizens are posting extremely short quests. Using your MOUSE you crudely form your original character posing the question "WHat Silly Hat Should I Wear????" in MS PAINT. Some totally random suggestions include "top hat", "muffin", and "the letter W". There is no doubt in your mind; the community is on the edge of its seat. What do you do?
>>60284 A muffin shaped like a W on top of a top hat!
>>60284 A big poofy muffin-shaped hat with a W on it. The community will go nuts. Bonus points if you use Wario colors.
>>60284 A hat made of the scraps of material left over when every hat in existence was ever made.
As the final stroke is drawn there is no doubt in your mind - it is perfect... (ANIMATED) Epilogue: Achievement earned: Mother's Reassurances! Achievement earned: Tears as Masturbatory Lube!
>>60340 Oh man. Priceless.
You are a BLUE-FOOTED BOOBIE. You are extremely disturbed by the lack of BOOBIES on /quest/. What do you do?
>>60403 Develop a footfetish
Drink until you see boobies.
>>60404 This is so much easier to deal with! BOOBIEFOOT FETISH ACHIEVED! AUTOEROTICISM ACHIEVED!
There is delicious cake here, but it is on the end of a deadly obstacle course. What do you do?
Leave and purchase your own cake using money.
>>60684 1 Realise the screen loops 2 Walk left. 3 Climb wall. 4 ???? 5 CAEK
>>60687 You leave. Cake isn't worth this bullshit. You buy some at a store, it's pretty good. QUITTERS NEVER WIN, BUT THEY ALSO DON'T DIE HORRIBLY achieved. UR MR RATIONAL achieved.
Aww... I wanted to be the guy...
Use the portal gun! In a stupid way that doesn't actually solve the problem, no less!
>>60713 above and below WHEEEE
>>60712 1. Shoot one portal above you 2. and one below you 3. ???? 4. VICTOLY
BE THE GUY. BEST FRUIT, SPIKE AND MOON!
Start a miniquest on a community quest thread and don't update it for an hour, thereby locking anyone else out of doing one.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE >Terminal velocity achieved. [was guilt-tripped into doing something else, sorry]
IT IS TIME.
Ｂｕｔ ｃａｎ ｙｏｕ ｏｖｅｒｃｏｍｅ ｈｅｒ？ ＦＯＯＬ
>>60900 *sob* INCONSIDERATE TO THE INANIMATE achieved.
What? but... aww... come on... five more minutes...
You don't feel like doing anything right now.
>>60917 Nap. Then binge on really bad webcomics. Then make some curry with whatever you have on hand.
Thats no attitude to have! FUCK THAT SHIT! DO EVERYTHING! BREAK FREE OF THIS MALASE AND SHOW THE UNIVERSE WHAT YOUR MADE OF! YOURS IS THE PASSION THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS!
Nyah~ http://www.onemanga.com/Chiis_Sweet_Home/1/00-cover/
>>60917 Then don't.
>>60920 >>60921 >>60923 >>60922 You decide to read strange new comic with bored kitty while watching Gurren Lagann again and eat a bowl of ramen. You continue to ignore your unupdated quests. IGNORANCE achieved RAMEN achieved KAMINA achieve MULTI-TASK achieved SHORT QUEST MEME achieved
YOU ARE CUTEVREAN NOT-HATCH CAUGHT IN A LOVE RECTANGLE BETWEEN CUTELORHKE NOT-TAV, CUTELYXIAN NOT-SHADRAN AND CUTEDAHL NOT-VEN. YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING AND YOU ARE STUCK IN THE GLOWING BLUE DICK FOREST. WHAT WILL YOU DO?
>>60933 KILL YOURSELF.
>>60933 Be super Kawaii and try to find Not-Rain and kick her in the knee
>>60933 Invite them all over for STRIP NOT-POKER.
PUNCH EVERYTHING
Arm grenade. Consume grenade.
>>60938 >>60947 YOU EAT A GRENADE IT IS DELICIOUS AND HAS NO CONSEQUENCES WHAT SO EVER QUEST END 12 OF 63 SECRETS FOUND 15 ENEMIES KILLED 5 SUITORS WOOED ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: TOP KURT COBAIN ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: NOT A PINE CONE ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: CONFETTI ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: DOWNY SOFT ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: SPEED DEMON ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: STIFF KNEES ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: STALE MOVES ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: NO R 4 U
You are A GUY, I guess? And you're on the MOON or something but that's not important. There is a BAG OF CASH? here. What do you do?
explode due to the vacuum of space
>>60963 Buy a rocket and survey your new kingdom. Moon kingdom.
>>60963 Blow it up to see if there's water! This makes perfect sense!
>>60966 Well not explode so much as have the air in your lungs violently wrested from you and soon lose consciousness. Unless this isn't the moon. Then grab maybe-cash!
Asphyxiate
>die of space You try really hard but you can't seem to make yourself not breathe enough to die! Maybe this isn't the moon.
>>60963 YOU ARE ON THE MOON IT IS VERY COLD AND YOU WILL DIE SHORTLY
>>60976 YOU ARE ON THE MOON IT IS VERY COLD AND YOU WILL DIE SHORTLY
>>60976 then knock down that background! you must reveal this lunar landing as the hoax it is!
>>60922 My eyes exploded from the diabetes I contracted.
You try to act a second time, but suddenly SCIENTISTS BLOW UP THE MOON-THING. FOR SCIENCE. 0 of 1 GIANT BAGS OF NOT CASH picked up UNREALISTIC EXPLOSION achieved POORLY EXECUTED REFERENCE TO RECENT NEWS achieved COP-OUT ENDING achieved RAN TOO LONG achieved SUICIDE FAIL achieved ARR, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOIN' achieved THIS DIDN'T WORK OUT SO WELL achieved :( WE BLEW UP THE WATER achieved
A loli is firing bullets at you!
>>65305 HUG ERI
>>65305 Die horribly to make her feel bad and realize that she is teh dem0nz.
>>65305 Dodge, or use a BOMB to take all the shots off the screen. Continue firing, have tea after.
There's only one possible thing to do: Fire lolis at the bullets!
>>65305 Step in the path of those bullets, have dramatic death scene, make her feel sorry for killing people, have last minute sex before horrible death.
You dive in the way and suffer a dramatic death!
You attempt to elicit last minute make up sex, but lolis care not for boxmen. BEWARE THE CUTE ONES achieved!
>>65315 NOOOOoooooo...