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File 130176315340.png - (3.19KB , 400x400 , Title.png )
293138 No. 293138 ID: d6ae01

...

Oh, hello there.

I'm not very creative. Could you help me out?

You see, I'm trying to make a hilarious parody for April Fools day (+1), but I'm not very funny. I don't even know what joke to make here.

So, if you could pick some kind of largish monstrous race or character from another quest (Or Scalene for consistency), and a gender (M/F/N/H if not a specific character... or a rule 63 of a character :3c), I'd be much obliged. We've got to start somewhere!
Expand all images
>>
No. 293139 ID: f157b7

>Largish monstrous race
I vote for Jabberwock.

Also, F because F.
>>
No. 293140 ID: f157b7

>>293139
No, wait! Rule 63 Jabberwocks!
>>
No. 293143 ID: bf1e7e

Rule 63 of Fatasaurus Rex from Bitequest
>>
No. 293144 ID: 78edaa

Large you say? Sazgvao! And while rule63 in general is entertaining I will not suggest it here.
>>
No. 293146 ID: 8092e6

rule 63 of shyen from riarda legends.
>>
No. 293147 ID: 4e6eaf

rule63 of driblis
>>
No. 293148 ID: e973f4

>>293144
YES

SAZ
>>
No. 293151 ID: a33914

SAZZY
>>
No. 293152 ID: 57000f

A squidcat thing like from that old
Nivsdok quest
>>
No. 293153 ID: 2563d4

Rule 63 Ganneda (Journey Quest).
>>
No. 293157 ID: 70d9eb

Seconding rule 63 of Shyen from Riarda Legends.
>>
No. 293159 ID: abb30a

Sazgvao~
>>
No. 293160 ID: c71597

>>293147
Yes, this board needs more 'bolds. 'Bolds everywhere!
>>
No. 293167 ID: d6ae01
File 130176785697.png - (6.25KB , 400x400 , 1.png )
293167

Right! Sazv... Sazgv... I had it written around here somewhere.

Ah! Sazgvao! (He's probably not supposed to have breasts.)

Now, I believe we were going to try to write a hilarious parody (the gist of it is you can suggest actions for the protagonist ------------ or you can suggest things that could happen to the protagonist! Or both! Or neither!? My job is to try not to fall asleep or have my hand fall off as we go along. Blah blah LET'S GET ON WITH IT).
>>
No. 293168 ID: d6ae01
File 130176787502.png - (77.54KB , 400x400 , 2.png )
293168

Sazgvao was napping in his best friend ever's creepy skin-bed, when...
>>
No. 293170 ID: 70d9eb

His best friend fGhost woke him up and said that he's thinking Arby's.
>>
No. 293172 ID: 4e6eaf

he was kidnapped by cutebold terrorists
>>
No. 293176 ID: 7d7069

>>293175
this
>>
No. 293177 ID: c71597

>>293168
The Cool Aid Tozol burst through the fucking wall and woke him up.
>>
No. 293178 ID: 6a5a08

>>293172
Second.
>>
No. 293185 ID: f157b7

>>293172
>>293170
Both of these.
>>
No. 293187 ID: 5f0943

>>293172
>>293177
The Kool-Aid Tozol burst through he wall and woke him, then he was captured by Cutebold terrorists.
>>
No. 293198 ID: d6ae01
File 130177329373.png - (78.78KB , 400x400 , 3.png )
293198

>>293170
Sazgvao can't wait to meet his best friend ever fghost and get some Arbies!

He supposes he is to wake.
>>
No. 293199 ID: d6ae01
File 130177330247.png - (5.22KB , 400x400 , 4.png )
293199

>>293187
Sazgvao bursts out of his creepy egg thing! OH YEAH!

OH NO!

A scary kobold terrorist laughs and says they have capture fghost! They demand a randsom of...

Sazgvao wonders if he should give in to their nonspecific demand, or perhaps Mount a rescue...
>>
No. 293200 ID: d6ae01

...Arby's. Whatever!
>>
No. 293201 ID: 8c73c8

you need to mount a rescue, everyone knows kidnappers never let the hostage go. spin around and smack the bold with your tail.
>>
No. 293202 ID: e973f4

>>293199
They demand a ransom of ARBY'S.

Saz decides to GET SOME ARBY'S TO PAY THE RANSOM.
>>
No. 293204 ID: a33914

They demand a ransom of the Ma-Qufin gems.
>>
No. 293205 ID: 70d9eb

Forget mounting a rescue, mount that kobold.
>>
No. 293206 ID: c71597

>>293199
A daring rescure is what you need to do. Get the location and then go train for a year until you're ready to face them.
>>
No. 293212 ID: cc04a7

If it's a RANDsom, then they clearly desire RAND, author of Tory's Tower.

...Give him to them
>>
No. 293222 ID: dad664

They demand a ransom of TOZOL PORNOGRAPHY.

Which is an incredible challenge because TOZOLS DO NOT MAKE PORN.
>>
No. 293257 ID: d6ae01
File 130178151416.png - (7.51KB , 400x400 , 5.png )
293257

>>293205
Thinking about this makes Sazgvao blush furiously! Oh no, when he gets flustered like this he tends to ramble!

"So, you handso-- scary! Scary kobold ninja guy I was just um wondering what it was you actually wanted in exchange for returning my super best friend in the world is it my body it's not my body is it?"

"Uh, no..." The kobold says, "We don't want anything like that."

"T-then what do you want?"

"You know what? I'm thinkin' Arby's."

"That's really funny, because I was thinkin' the same thing not that long ago!"

"Huh. Fancy that. Wanna make out?"

"Y-- No, um, I better go get the ransom."
>>
No. 293260 ID: d6ae01
File 130178157523.png - (5.63KB , 400x400 , 6.png )
293260

>>293202
With that extremely awkward moment behind him, Sazgvao drives his spaceship to space Arby's and pulls up to the window.

"Welcome to space Arby's may I take your space order?" the clerk asks.

Sazgvao wonders what he should order. He also makes a note to ask the kobold where fghost is being held so he knows where to take the ransom!
>>
No. 293262 ID: dad664

>>293260
Four large Beef and Cheddar Melts, no ranch sauce, two Ham and Swiss Market Fresh sandwiches, an order of the Outside-In Cinnamon Bites, six orders of fries, and two orders of Onion Rings.
>>
No. 293267 ID: c71597

>>293260
Cheese royale.
>>
No. 293271 ID: 4e6eaf

>>293262
this, but double it so that fatass fGhost don't eat it all
>>
No. 293272 ID: 653ea0

And a hot catgirl nurse.
>>
No. 293288 ID: 0b01fb

No man, It would be funnier and more clever If Arbies ran out of food already.
>>
No. 293289 ID: f157b7

Order a Royale with Cheese.

Realize you're neither French nor at Burger King!
>>
No. 293467 ID: d6ae01
File 130184335052.png - (6.43KB , 400x400 , 7.png )
293467

>>293262
Sazgvao's thinks for a second, then speaks up. "Okay, I'd like Four large Beef and Cheddar Melts, no ranch sauce, two Ham and Swiss Market Fresh sandwiches, an order of the Outside-In
Cinnamon Bites, six orders of fries, and two orders of Onion Rings."

>>293271
"Wait! Double it!"

The attendant stares at him blankly for a moment.

"Um, I'm the only one working here, so..."

"Oh, that's okay! I'll wait."

He reluctantly grabs Sazgvao's high-class credit card and retreats to the back.

>>293272
"Oh! Do you have any hot catgirls?"

There's no response.
>>
No. 293468 ID: d6ae01
File 130184335923.png - (8.67KB , 400x400 , 8.png )
293468

Sazgvao takes the food and his card and hands it over to the kobold. The food, that is. His card was signed by His biggest hero so he'd never give it up!

Also it has all his money on it.

"So," Sazgvao says, "You have your ransom, now would you please tell me where fghost is?"

The kobold shrugs. "Lawl I forgot."

Oh he did not just use internet slang in verbal communication! Sazgvao feels slightly less inclined to be polite! In fact, he thinks he's going to go so far as to...
>>
No. 293469 ID: 54b969

Your biggest ever hero is, of course, Our Hero, the one and only Gr- Sl- Our Hero, Indeterminate in Species, Gender, Size, Outlook and Accomplishments!

Sazgvao goes as far as to raise his voice in disapproval and frustration!
>>
No. 293470 ID: e973f4

>>293468
He went so far as to HUG THE KOBOLD!

... AGGRESSIVELY!
>>
No. 293472 ID: 5eea01

Our hero, BLAST HARDCHEESE
>>
No. 293475 ID: 0d095c

Grow freakishly huge and blow up the universe?
>>
No. 293478 ID: 897302

>>293472
It HAS to be Blast Hardcheese. That is the best name for a hero I've ever heard. The dude is my hero now and I've only heard his name.
>>
No. 293489 ID: d6ae01
File 130185364541.png - (10.47KB , 400x400 , 9.png )
293489

Of course! His greatest hero, our hero! He goes by the alter-ego BLAST HARDCHEESE because of how hard boiled and awesome he is! There's rumors of him having all the fetishes, but Sazgvao doesn't believe them.

Sazgvao hugs the kobold aggressively!

"No! Stop!"

"Huuugs~" Sazgvao says, attempting to sound angry.

"Okay, okay! You win! I'll tell you where fghost is being held!"
>>
No. 293490 ID: d6ae01
File 130185365663.png - (7.12KB , 400x400 , 10.png )
293490

They make their way to planet Scalenia, where the kobold leads Sazgvao to a hole leading underground.

Even though he had never seen this place before, Sazgvao felt that something was off.

"Oh no!" The kobold exclaimed. "We've been ransacked!"

"Wait, does that mean fghost was double-kidnapped!?"

"Apparently!"

Sazgvao sniffed the air. There was a strange but familar smell...
>>
No. 293491 ID: abb30a

The scent of CANDY and other sweet confections!
>>
No. 293492 ID: e973f4

>>293490
... the smell of a GIANT SNAKE.
>>
No. 293494 ID: 8211e6

... a smell that led the green thing to take up the cutebold's earlier offer of makeouts.
>>
No. 293513 ID: 4e6eaf

>>293490
the unmistakeable stench of the fluffy
>>
No. 293523 ID: c71597

>>293513
Yes, the fluffy lurks in there. Plotting the doom of his nemesis.
>>
No. 293555 ID: d6ae01
File 130186297778.png - (2.29KB , 400x400 , 11.png )
293555

"Well, come on!" the kobold says. "If we don't hurry up, the Arby's might get cold!"

"And your friends might be in danger."

"Uh, yeah."

They headed inside and there in the darkness was Sazgvao's greatest fears! The fluffy...
>>
No. 293556 ID: d6ae01
File 130186299742.png - (8.48KB , 400x400 , 12.png )
293556

...snake?

"It's a giant fluffy snake," the kobold says.

"Hello, darlingsss~" The fluffy (snake) says cheerfully.

"Uh, hi, mis...ter...?"

"It's misss. You can call me..."

They pause, waiting for her to finish her sentence. It takes her a really long time, as if she's waiting for someone else to come up with a name. It's really kind of obnoxious.

For some reason, her smell makes Sazgvao want to make out with the kobold (again?). He decides against it.

"Did you kidnap my friends?" the kobold asks.

"Yesss."

"That's pretty impressive. I mean, there were like 20 guys. Why'd you do it?"

"Oh, that's easssy, dear~ The reassson I kidnapped them...
>>
No. 293558 ID: e973f4

>>293556
You can call me... Isosceles.

The reassson I kidnapped them... is because I like playing sim games except with reality.

>For some reason, her smell makes Sazgvao want to make out with the kobold (again?).
GIVE INTO YOUR URGES, SAZGVAO
IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
>>
No. 293559 ID: abb30a

Her name was Chickenberry.

Her reason was to give them all hugs! And to force them to watch really bad movies.
>>
No. 293560 ID: 4e6eaf

>>293556
SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY
>>
No. 293562 ID: 54b969

The snake's name is Equi. If pressed, Equilateral. (She doesn't like her name very well.)

She kidnapped everyone because she mistook them for that most heinous offences to creation, doobies. Kobolds and doobies are very difficult to distinguish, and she elected to capture them so she could find somewhere far away and dump them there. Only now does she realise the error of mistake - she's dealing with the cute and loveable kind of vermin, and not the ugly kind.

This can only mean a party where everyone's mistakes are forgiven and friends are made. If it worked for Theo, the world's most oblivious dunderheaded boxcat, it can work for the equally oblivious kobolds, right?
>>
No. 293572 ID: 8211e6

>>293556
Its name is Wright.

AND AT THE PARTY SAZGVAO MADE OUT WITH A KOBOLD, DAMMIT
>>
No. 293573 ID: 1854db

>>293556
The snake kidnapped them with her stomach.

I'M SAYING SHE ATE THEM.
>>
No. 293575 ID: 221021

>>293558
>>293562
Both of these are good names.

As for a reason: Because there is an archetypal evil monster threatening to destroy the world, and she needs an army to go up against it.
>>
No. 294055 ID: d6ae01
File 130201279735.png - (10.79KB , 400x400 , 13.png )
294055

That's right, she had introduced herself as Isosceles!

"The reassson I kidnapped them was becaussse I like playing sssim gamesss only with reality. But that ghost fellow just sat there and never got hungry, and the kobold just sssat there crying. I probably ssshouldn't have named it Driblisss."

"That's terrible!" Sazgvao says.

The fluffy snake continues. "Ssso when that didn't work out I utilized them asss an army againssst an evil enchantresss who did an evil dance or two. But they instantly fell in love with her very very tsssundere waysss and got frussstrated when ssshe'd continue hitting on them then backpedaling at the lassst sssecond.

Then I ate them."

"That's horrible!" Sazgvao says. "I can't believe this! Now I'll never see fGhost again!"

Suddenly the snake smiles widely.
>>
No. 294056 ID: d6ae01
File 130201280755.png - (9.67KB , 400x400 , 14.png )
294056

"SURPRISE!

"Happy birthday, Sazgvao!"

"Oh! You guys! I was completely fooled!"

"The others should be back soon with cake. Let's party!"

And party they did! There was cake and dancing and all kinds of hard-to-draw activities. But as the night went on, Sazgvao's attention was focused on a certain kobold...
>>
No. 294057 ID: d6ae01
File 130201281939.png - (7.89KB , 400x400 , 15.png )
294057

"So, um, thanks for putting all this together," Sazgvao says.

"Oh, it was no problem."

"It was really sweet of you."

"Don't mention it. I was happy to do it."

"...."

"...."

"Um, do... do you want to make out?"

"Oh, erm... I wouldn't mind, but you do realize I'm a boy, right?"

"Oh... You are?"

"Yeah."

Sazgvao wasn't sure how to feel about this completely new bit of information!
>>
No. 294058 ID: 4e6eaf

make out with him anyway
>>
No. 294059 ID: c128cf

Make out with him anyway.
>>
No. 294060 ID: 70d9eb

>>294057
You already knew this and already wanted to jump his bones you silly.
Make out with him anyway.
>>
No. 294072 ID: dad664

>>294057
Luckily for you, your species has the ability to change their gender at will.
>>
No. 294074 ID: 5eea01

It didn't matter, since he is still so cute~
>>
No. 294087 ID: d677cc

>>294057
Seriously this should be the opposite of a problem for Saz.
>>
No. 294122 ID: 180ec2

I mean, as soon as he was introduced in his quest he was hugging a guy and making him breakfast. It's not that much of a stretch.
>>
No. 294181 ID: d6ae01
File 130204632064.png - (9.06KB , 400x400 , 16.png )
294181

Why did Sazgvao even pause to consider that? Of course this was nothing out of the ordinary for him, and there's absolutely no reason not to get with the romancing.

"I'm okay with it if you are," Sazgvao tells the kobold.

"A-are we going to... touch noses?"

"Only if you want to."

Kyhzee walks in from somewhere in the grey. "Okay I'm back from my--"
>>
No. 294182 ID: d6ae01
File 130204633194.png - (11.25KB , 400x400 , 17.png )
294182

Aww~

...I mean, Sazgvao and the kobold rubbed noses affectionately. It was so thoughtful of the little guy to go through all that trouble, he thought to himself.

They cuddled throughout the night. It gave Sazgvao a new confidence. Maybe he could finally tell Kyhzee how he really felt. Khyzee had dropped a few hints that he had a crush on Sazgvao, but the Amtsvane had been way too shy to make the first move!

That settled it. Tomorrow, Sazgvao was going to tell khyzee how he felt without going on a random unrelated tangent for once!
>>
No. 294183 ID: d6ae01
File 130204634162.png - (9.92KB , 400x400 , 18.png )
294183

"...If you want to watch me cook I'll be doing that in the dining room though. Mmh... oh! And Clear says we finally got an assignment. They called in this morning. We'll be going out the day after tomorrow. Honestly I'm glad we'll finally be going somewhere; there's not much to do here besides sit on the ship. Hey, you're all wet. ... I just caught you coming out of the shower, didn't I. I'm sorry! Or... no, that's Clear who gets mad at me when I catch her wet. Oh, no, I mixed you two up. I'm sorry!"

Oh no! This was the exact opposite of telling him! Sazgvao realized he had no choice but to wait until next season!

Khyzee hugged him, and he decided to hell with waiting and being flustered! Tell him, gosh!

"O-okay... y-you're, um... you're... I... I'll just... go to the dining room... now..."

Damnation! Oh well, at least Khyzee didn't see him making out with the Kobold, so he had all the time in the world to open up to him.
>>
No. 294185 ID: d6ae01
File 130204635606.png - (39.85KB , 400x400 , 19.png )
294185

>what happened, Khyzee?

....I don't want to talk about it.

THE END
>>
No. 294188 ID: 4e6eaf

>>294185
:<
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