>>494624
Idiot, if you're not about to grow a spine and shank the empress, inform her that the contagious insanity has infected you.

Kaktus 2013/02/20(Wed)09:23 No. 494636 ID: b3ca75
File 136138099868.png - (11.67KB , 900x600 , 36.png )

Um… as much as I appreciate your vagueness, your excellency, but can you be a little bit more specific? This… vessel, is it a literal vessel or some kind of metaphor?
You must find the eternal vessel for the people, Folken, FOR THE PEOPLE!
That… didn’t help at all…

>Voices of the many here, speaking. What's 'sup?
…and apparently I just went mad from being exposed to the Empress stupidity… swell…
Does this one of many manifest through voices, by any chance?
You’re actually hearing them? Good, goooood… That’s mean they are nearby! The many likes to interact with important people around its vessel. I knew you would be important as soon as I saw you hatch, Folken.
It’s Dylon… and you didn’t actually see me before my 15 hatchday.
Always the kidder, Folken. Now, invade that place, find the vessel and come home. Empress signing off, peace! …um…how do I close this video thingy?
Big red button to your right…
Ah, of course! Always the smart one, eh Folken? Peace! [Empress Bloated, Pulsating, Festering, Sweaty, Pus-filled, Malformed Slug-For-A-Butt has signed off.]
*Sigh* who changed the empress user name? And turn on the damn light!

>grow a spine and shank the empress.
…Why? She may be an idiot, but I don’t really have anything to win on it. Anyway, can you tell me where you are? It would be a lot easier to find you that way. Otherwise, please get out of my head; I’m got an invasion to oversee…

Insert Earth mantis Jim_

What's in it for us if we tell you where we are? Could we convince you to opt for a nice peaceful inviting the vessel to come hang out with you instead of an invasion full of unnecessary death and slaughter?

And why would we want to get out for your head? If we're gonna be on the other side of an invasion being launched, spying in the head of the guy running it seems like a great place to be!

Its kinda hard to tell where you are when you don't exist in conventional time and space.

We're in a mansion, near a large-ish city near your location. It's reputed to be haunted by the locals, and your giant flying castle is extremely visible. We should be inside a fairly tall Mantis lady, who is with an irritating human, a submissive mantis, and two lizards.
THAT'S WHAT THEY GET FOR SAYING I HATE FREEDOM.

>>494641

I'll hate YOUR Freedom if you know what I mean.

>>494641
Silence this.

(I mean, dude, shut up! if we're going to sell them out, we should at least get something for our trouble, and take the time to harass 'Folken' first).

>>494641
...I so wish I could punch you in the face right now, you flippin' idiot.

Okay, Dylon, could you be convinced to hold the invasion and just send down a commando unit or something to find the vessel? 'Cause if you throw down an invasion, it's inevitable the vessel will end up in the wind again, carried out of the doomed town by someone. It could also be that the vessel IS someone, who then dies in the invasion, and the vessel ends up skipping off into time and space to attach to another. You ever think of that? Ending up invading for nothing? Worse than nothing, 'cause now you've got no idea where the vessel is.

Seriously, you can hold the invasion. Just have the invaders stand out of camera view. The Empress wouldn't know one way or another.

Kaktus 2013/02/20(Wed)10:46 No. 494646 ID: b3ca75
File 136138597836.png - (3.38KB , 900x600 , 37.png )

Dammit, I told you to turn on the light, not turn it off!

>Okay, Dylon, could you be convinced to hold the invasion and just send down a commando unit or something to find the vessel?
The invasion is not only to get to the vessel. We are after all here to take over. You know, free the slaves, help those in need and absorb the rest into our culture. Hopefully it will be relative bloodless invasion. After all, we are here to protect the people, not slaughter them.

>Could we convince you to opt for a nice peaceful inviting the vessel to come hang out with you instead.
If it is willing to come, then yes, you have my official invitation. Of course, you have to tell me where it is before I can invite it. Now, if I should only find the light swish so I can start this invasion…

Insert dinner for two_

Hmm. Howabout this? You give us a password for safe passage, tell us where your invasion HQ is gonna be, and we'll see about steering the vessel your way.

>>494646
They're trying to silence me! THEY'RE IN A HAUNTED MANSION IN PLAIM VIEW OF YOUR CASTLE! It's Team Cannonfodder, go kick their nervestapling asses!

>>494651
Silence the freedom hater, again.

>>494652
Oh yeah? Well I'm silencing your silencing of myself.

>>494654
Sorry, you can't counter my trap card unless you have a counter-trap card. :V

We'd tell you where the vessel is if we knew ourselves. Unfortunately, our first memories were of popping into the head of an orphan mantis girl at the Adventurer's Academy not more than half a day ago. Maybe the vessel was brought into town around then?

>>494649
Yeah, this is alright. Give us a password for our carrier to use for safe passage and we'll see about getting ourselves to you.

Kaktus 2013/02/20(Wed)11:51 No. 494664 ID: b3ca75
File 136138987415.png - (30.62KB , 900x600 , 38.png )

>Sorry, you can't counter my trap card unless you have a counter-trap card.
That sentence activated my trap card!
>You give us a password for safe passage, tell us where your invasion HQ is gonna be, and we'll see about steering the vessel your way.
Hmm, very well. I am thinking on setting up in that old castle in the city, the one which houses an adventurer school. They are natural in the conflict and are actually renting out the top floors for whoever pays them. Oh right, password. “Learn, Adapt, Evolve”…
>our first memories were of popping into the head of an orphan mantis girl.
A mantis girl? Hmm, well now I actually got a reason to talk to all the mantis ladies I meet… official reason I mean. Of course, it wou- wait, what’s happening? You’re di-

-------

Well, the roster is ready, except it’s asleep... How do you want to do this?

Okay, I got one. This is a real scary one too!
Um… shouldn’t we wait for the girls?
We can’t just sit around doing nothing. And besides, it’s just one scary story.
So…*cough* …It was a dark and stormy night…

Insert Chicken Mighty…

Hey guys? Warning! This place is about to be invaded by the bug empire or something.

Also, there's someone at the window.

>>494669
> Warning!
COUNTERSPELL. Guys, the Empire is here for a peace conference. Stay in the mansion, so as not to accidentally cause a diplomatic incident by violating curfew.

Well we were shunted into the head of he head of the invasion force for a bit. Apparently they're here to free the slaves and integrate this place into the empire... and and congrats the Academy is gonna be thier base of operations. Oh also they're kinda looking for you Claire. Its our fault... sorry.

>>494676
Shield spell.

>>494669
That would be us. We're gonna throw the rooster in there at the climax of the ghost story.

With the restraints off and stuff, of course, so it runs around making a scene. Leave the hood on until just before we throw it in.

>>494677
You've activated my trap card. Exodia, obliterate his lifepoints!

Hah! bad move friend. I have none. Your Exodia is now lost to the Abyss that is my life. Follow it if you dare.

>>494680
Nah, I'll just use the O-Ring and we're getting off topic here. Check the window, it's likely an Imperial Gift Giving Battalion.

I think the Empire is still preparing its invasion. The window shadow is probably Claire as she and Thanra try to rouse the rooster.

Dylon, who are the five greatest rappers in the world?

>Invading Empire with floating-rock-castle ships led by a guy named Folken
Hey Folken, you happen to know a guy named Dilandau?

Kaktus 2013/02/21(Thu)05:00 No. 494787 ID: b3ca75
File 136145163464.png - (32.07KB , 900x600 , 39.png )

>You've activated my trap card. Exodia, obliterate his lifepoints!
Card games on motorcycles?
>This place is about to be invaded by the bug empire or something.
What? Why would they invade this place? If they are going to war with the republic, wouldn’t they invade somewhere a bit more tactical sound?

>Oh also they're kinda looking for you Claire. It’s our fault... sorry.
…why are they looking for me? Why me? Am I really that important?
Earth to Claire, you there?

>We're gonna throw the rooster in there at the climax of the ghost story.
…and then, as she slowly crept up to the door, she saw it. The-
Rooster away!
The- holy marshmallow on a pogo stick, WHAT IS THAT!
CAW!
It’s the ghost! RUN!
It’s just a rooster, guys.
Don’t worry. I’ll hit that mighty cock with my mighty weapon!
NO, DON’T!

Kaktus 2013/02/21(Thu)05:00 No. 494788 ID: b3ca75
File 136145165320.png - (34.65KB , 900x600 , 40.png )

Oh gods, they are everywhere!?
My eyes! They are pecking at my eyes!
AAAH!
CAW! CAW! Freaking CAW!
…um…
This wasn’t part of the plan…

Renault, Thanros and Waran takes 10 damage each!

Insert Rooster flavored, with a salty finish_



>Dylon, who are the five greatest rappers in the world?
The five greatest rappers in the world is Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan and Dylon. Because he can spit hot fire.
>Hey Folken, you happen to know a guy named Dilandau?
It’s Dylon, dammit! And fuck Dilandau! Fuck that guy right in his vagina!

>Card games on motorcycles?
Grampa here complaining that in his day, the absurd magic card games didn't require no motorcycles. We played in big ugly immobile hologram boxes and we liked it. Whippersnappers.

>COOCOO DEATH SWARM!
Quick! Someone grab their magic powder! It's the only thing that stops them!

Well, that or just get through the door, ASAP. They've got worse attention spans and memory than zombies.

They're looking for you because you're maybe our vessel. Turns out being the host to the theoretically omnipotent source of magic and the souls of almost everyone who has ever died gets you hunted by bug people now!
Which I guess is better than being hunted by ancient magic super robot mages.

Sweet Jebus! If that's what happens when you strike a chicken around here, how the heck do your butchers survive? Must make chicken meat expensive.

Yell at 'em to get over to ya and jump out the window. You and Thandra can bat the chicken swarm back inside until they're all through, then shut the window. Once clear Waran can treat everyone's wounds. How many HP do those three have, anyway? Is 10 off serious?

When we planned to throw a rooster at them I thought we meant an ordinary chicken not a cucco. Well I guess there isn't much we can do but rush for the nearest load point.

Kaktus 2013/02/21(Thu)12:58 No. 494830 ID: b3ca75
File 136148031143.png - (30.38KB , 900x600 , 41.png )

>They're looking for you because you're maybe our vessel.
Wait, what? T-that wasn’t part of the contract! The gods damn those grumble grumble…
>how the heck do your butchers survive?
There must be a way to kill them off without spawning a dozen of them. At least it isn’t very hard to get more chicken.
>How many HP do those three have, anyway? Is 10 off serious?
I don’t know about those guys, but I got 40 myself… being level 1 and all…

>Yell at 'em to get over to ya and jump out the window then rush for the nearest load point.
A-are they still after us!? Oh gods, they are still coming, aren’t they!?
Man, calm down! They stopped chasing us at the mansion. They are not going to follow us here.

>Once clear Waran can treat everyone's wounds.
Ow!
Stand still.
Aw man, I’m still bleeding… That was just a mean prank…
Sorry…
Like that will heal our wounds. No, you gals own us something more.
I have to concur with Renny on this. You guys should really make for it after all this pain.
I know the perfect way you girls can make up for it b-
…
I-I wasn’t g-going suggest s-something like t-that! I promise! I-I was g-going to… um… say… n-never mind…

Insert favors_

Contract? Clair, what are you holding back on us? It could be very important because the empress wants us for herself.

>T-that wasn’t part of the contract! The gods damn those
...alright, out with it. Who did you make a contract with, and what were the supposed conditions?

>mean prank
Hey, it was relatively harmless, up until Rene resorted to animal abuse. I mean, hitting a fake undead person in the head is fine. But a fake undead animal? You monster! Just hope that PETA never hears about this...

Man, doesn't Rene know hitting a chicken summons an angry flock? He's gotta take a bit of blame in this as well.

Alright, how 'bout you two clean their quarters, wash their laundry, run their errands, do their chores, and cook their meals for a week?

It isn't hard to get chicken 'cause a dozen more spawn in if they're smacked without killing 'em. Considering that, it's a wonder the world isn't covered in a sea of poultry.

>>494836
Cucco's are just masters of summoning, those dozen cukoos in that room all came from somewhere so right now there is some poor farmer somewhere whose cukoos have all mysteriously disappeared but now that we've left the room they'll reappear right where they belong soon enough and the balance will be maintained.

>>494830
Please tell us everything you know about the aliens and your "contract". Don't hold out on us, now.

agree to cover for the three of them if they decide to play hooky so they can have a free day at a time of there choosing. CAN NOT be used to get our of quest/adventer that they do not want to do. the only way that would work is if they took there day off before they were assigned an adventer

You could always buy the group's beer next time or two.

Kaktus 2013/02/21(Thu)23:07 No. 495029 ID: b3ca75
File 136151686593.png - (30.63KB , 900x600 , 42.png )

>...alright, out with it. Who did you make a contract with, and what were the supposed conditions?
D-did I say contract? I meant…um… haha? Let’s never talk about this again?
>You could always buy the group's beer next time or two.
Do you know how much that would cost? I would be ruined!!! Ruined I tell you!!!!!

>Alright, how 'bout you two clean their quarters, wash their laundry, run their errands, do their chores, and cook their meals for a week?
For a whole week!? Isn’t that a little too much? How about just one day?
But that’s a little lackluster, clearly not enough to make up for the rooster. Hmm… how about… well… I know about this place where you can rent maid outfits~
Well, it is humiliating but I don’t know…

>Man, doesn't Rene know hitting a chicken summons an angry flock? He's gotta take a bit of blame in this as well.
How about we dress up Renny in one too?
Now that I can get behind!
…as long as I get to see long legs in a maid outfit then it’s worth it.
I can’t decide if I should smack you for being perverts or if I should support this idea to see Rene in a maid outfit…
…Doesn’t that mean you are a pervert yourself?
Shut up! Hey, Claire, what do you think? Is this deal fair?

Insert if you call right now you get 20% off!

>>495029
First thing's first: We have STRONG SUSPICION the invaders are going to hit the school first. They may be there already.

how the hell would a maid outfit work for a Mantis, not that there is anything wrong with it I just never seen it and have no idea how it would work

>>495029
One day, with maid outfits? Hmmm. Okay. A little dress up never hurt anyone.

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)08:17 No. 495059 ID: b3ca75
File 136154984785.png - (30.95KB , 900x600 , 43.png )

>how the hell would a maid outfit work for a Mantis?
It would work just like it works for everyone else. We just have to wear slightly different design compared to the bipedal ones.

>One day, with maid outfits? Hmmm. Okay. A little dress up never hurt anyone.
Why do I have a feeling you’re going to eat those words?
I don’t see how a maid outfit will hurt.
You said the same thing when you dressed up as a necromancer and you know how that turned out. You can still smell the purple on Tuesdays in the courtyard.
That doesn’t count.

>First thing's first: We have STRONG SUSPICION the invaders are going to hit the school first. They may be there already.
Um… Remember those weird lights we saw? I think those where an Imperial invading force and they probably will attack the school first…
Um… why would they invade us? There’s nothing of value out here…
Besides, we are with the adventure guild. We’re neutral toward both the republic and the empire so they won’t attack us.
If anything they’ll probably hire us to work for them instead.
And from a tactical standpoint they are going to take out the guard regiments in the city first. You know, they guys whose job is to protect the city from this kind of things.
You’re worrying to much, Claire. Even if they invaded then they would leave us alone as long as we don’t have anything they want… um… you don’t have anything they want, do you?

Insert truth or lies_

>hire us to work for them
...why would be be willing to attack the place we live in, again? That seems very bad business even for mercs.

>empire v republic
Wait... if this is a republic, them why do you have imperial freedoms?

>um… you don’t have anything they want, do you?
NoooooooOOOOOOooo. Of course not. Definitely no. Why would I... okay yes. Um, probably yes.

Claire we can't advise you properly without the full story. Please give us the details of your 'contract.'

Also you're probably right about not attacking you. However they WILL be using the top floors as a abase for the invasion. The academy is renting them out.

Lemme guess. You bought the protagonist position from someone and weren't expecting all this stuff?

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)10:09 No. 495096 ID: b3ca75
File 136155656105.png - (30.91KB , 900x600 , 44.png )

>...why would be be willing to attack the place we live in, again? That seems very bad business even for mercs.
Not everyone have the same love for the republic like we do. And besides, even if the Empire wins we’ll just become imperial citizen instead of republican.
It isn’t so bad, you know…
Um… except we lose our ability to vote for who leads us, our free religion, our free market and our servants. Not to speak about their high taxes, I mean, I don’t want to pay so the poor can sit around doing nothing and live on the money I earn.
What!? They are taking the servants! But who will make me my nightly sandwiches? Those… damn.... Freedom hating imperials, stealing our property!

>Wait... if this is a republic, them why do you have imperial freedoms?
We don’t? We’re a republic because we vote. We’re republic citizen because we live in their land. The adventuring guild isn’t republic and is more a weird free global organization which goes under the rules of don’t bother us and we don’t bother you kind of thing.

>Claire we can't advise you properly without the full story. Please give us the details of your 'contract.'
I might have signed a contract for magical powers beyond my wildest imaginations… to be fair; I thought it was a dream at the time. You see… I had this weird dream when I was younger about some lizard calling herself the ageless one. She gave me a deal where I would become a wizard as long as I took care of some voices for her and as it was pretty much a non-lucid dream I said yes without thinking. So I got stuck with you guys and… magical stuff happens, the end.

Insert do you believe in magic?_

say nothing and just wait for it all to happen then say I told you so

Oooh try making it rain tapioca! Or was it pudding?

We could never get that to work.

Yep, lizbeth sold you her spot as protagonist.
Now, if only you knew magic of some kind.
Anyways, formal introduction time? We're The One of Many! The theoretically omnipotent source of magic. Take off your top.

Where are the Eaggran? SHouldn't they still be guarding the exit?

>Insert do you believe in magic?
Yes. We are magic.

Also, that Lizard was Lizbeth Suss. An ancient, ageless magical construct, the physical vessel for the voices of the many / voices of magic (that's us, b-t-dubs), last surviving bearer of the soul foci gems, an absurdly powerful mage specializing in reality warping, and to top it all off? Incredibly irresponsible and impulse driven.

So congratulations. A physical mad god basically offered to let you hold onto one of the sources of her power for a while. And you said yes. Your life is now basically going to be dealing with everyone who wants this power.

>imperial freedoms
>we don't [have them]
You were totally whining about imperial freedoms when we tried to admonish you on the whole slavery thing.

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)11:19 No. 495115 ID: b3ca75
File 136156074352.png - (31.21KB , 900x600 , 45.png )

>Oooh try making it rain pudding!
Creating tapioca pudding… please stand by… average wait-time: 6 months. Started creating on 22/11/12… current date: 22/2/13… Remaining time: 3 months.

>You were totally whining about imperial freedoms when we tried to admonish you on the whole slavery thing.
Having the freedom to own plant people isn’t imperial freedom. The right to govern yourself as a state with no overlord but the emperor is imperial freedom and last time I checked we don’t have an emperor.
>Your life is now basically going to be dealing with everyone who wants this power.
Son of an Eaggran! I knew there was some fine print!

>Now, if only you knew magic of some kind.
…yes, if only I had magic… haha… ha… because I absolutely doesn’t have any right now… ha…
>Take off your top.
…why? I don’t really have anything to show under it. If you want to be a pervert you’d have to ask me to remove my bottom instead.

>Where are the Eaggran? Shouldn't they still be guarding the exit?
Speaking of servants… where are they?
That’s a good question…
Oh, gods, the empire have stolen them!
…they aren’t going to sneak them away in the middle of the night…

*Boom* Scream!* Invasion noises* I should really pay the sound guy more because these sound effects suck*

And that sounds like someone fighting… uh, maybe you were right about this whole invasion thing.
W-what are we going to do!?
Go to bed? I mean, what can we do? This isn’t our fight to fight after all…

Insert fighting fighter fights fighters_

>*Invasion noises*
Best sfx.

>what do?
You choices are to fight the invaders, hide and/or run, or hope you can join with them.

hey FYI we kind of told the guy looking for you that you were here and that you would meat him, so yaaaahh. he goes by the name of Dylon but everyone just calls him Folken so if you see anyone trying to take your head, well we did get a safety word put up to let you skip all of the fighting it was
Learn, Adapt, Evolve
or you could just say F*** it and sleep at the inn in town and hope this all just blows over

Okay wow, you are really bad at lying to us.
Okay, what magic do you know?

Don't forget that one of us happened to mention her species and gender so he has at least a vague idea of who to look for. We also seem to get jettisoned to certain important people when they are within range and the guy leading the army seems to qualify, so you may lose contact with us again while we talk to this Folken guy.

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)12:49 No. 495133 ID: b3ca75
File 136156618395.png - (29.21KB , 900x600 , 46.png )

>hey FYI we kind of told the guy looking for you that you were here and that you would meet him, so yaaaahh.
So… I’m going to have some visitor soon, huh? So I either run and hide or hope they don’t want to something bad to me…
>Okay, what magic do you know?
The kind that screws up your life and we don’t talk about.

>You choices are to fight the invaders, hide and/or run, or hope you can join with them.
>you could just say F*** it and hope this all just blows over.

Fight <--
Hide
Run
Join
F*** it

You have chosen fight! Let’s crack some heads!

Well I’m going to bed… goodnight, girls.
Wait, aren’t we going to do something?
I have to concur with Waran. This isn’t our fight. Beside, we’re going to have school tomorrow even if hell invaded. So goodnight.
Goodnight sis… Claire…

…Unable to choose fight, automatically choosing F*** it. Teleporting character to bedroom.

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)12:50 No. 495134 ID: b3ca75
File 136156620494.png - (28.07KB , 900x600 , 47.png )

Wait what!? But I wanted to fight! Gah, stupid railroad plot!
Stupid rail what? Are you okay Claire? You’re looking… um… kind of pale…
…I’m… fine.

[Warning, magical power is low. Please refill your power]

Insert Om nom nom_

"The kind that screws up your life and we don’t talk about."
oh so you know necromancy so that is what happened to your, parents...oh shit sorry

>Beside, we’re going to have school tomorrow even if hell invaded.
What! You mean we don't get invasion days at this school? Or even Armageddon days? Just look at all that white fluffy snow ash accumulating! They gotta cancel!

>Warning, magical power is low. Please refill your power
...how? I thought that's what we were for. And new girl isn't a construct with a magic soul-eating gem in her we can fuel with murder, either.

>>495134
You need something to eat, I suppose?

Stare at Thanra and say you're hungry. Then... I don't know, go out and find something to eat?

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)14:51 No. 495158 ID: b3ca75
File 136157351980.png - (28.87KB , 900x600 , 48.png )

>you know necromancy.
…yes.
>...how? I thought that's what we were for.
I don’t know… maybe… maybe you can’t power me… maybe only a part of you is here… maybe…
>You need something to eat, I suppose?
[You do not have the necessary necromantic power to keep your lich form! Please consume the corpses of your enemies to gain necromantic power!]
…feed…

>Stare at Thanra.
Um… do I have something on my face or…? Gods, are you sure you’re okay? You almost look like a corpse…
>say you're hungry.
Need to feed…
Well, then go to the kitchen. I’m sure they’ll get you something. Just go past the main gate, take a left at the crypt and you’ll walk right past it… or just follow the signs.
Crypt?
Yeah, for all the adventurers that have died in this area… or just the unlucky/careless students… anyway, I’m going to sleep. See you in the morning!
Feed…

Insert feeding habit_

Oh. You're a bug-lich? That's kind of cool. And with a melee build that means we can exploit awesome negative energy draining unarmed scythe attacks. Sweet!

Off to the crypts. Feed on the dead.

We should at least try to sustain ourselves off normal food. We could be involved with one of those moral choice systems that gives us a bad ending if we eat dead people.

will someone please pick up that phone because if believe I FUCKING CALLED IT. ... sorry
Anyway if there is no other way then head off to the crypt then hit the kitchen on the way back to not raise to many questions. Also those guys that that are looking for you might be, well, looking for you in the halls so be careful

>>495160
Eh, it's fine so long as we don't eat anyone that doesn't deserve it.

>>495158
Alright, get your butt to the crypt pronto.

To the Crypt!

Good thing theres an invasion going on. Lots of corpses with those.

Might be a little problem with raiding the crypt, since you need to eat the corpses of your fallen enemies. The dead there may not count.

>>495223
Quit trying to overlogic everything or you become corpse fodder

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)02:40 No. 495348 ID: b3ca75
File 136161604152.png - (24.63KB , 900x600 , 49.png )

>Eh, it's fine so long as we don't eat anyone that doesn't deserve it.
Everyone deserves…
>Alright, get your butt to the crypt pronto.
…feeeeed…

Chapter completed!
Current kills: 4
Corpses eaten: 2
Cheeses found: 0

Current relationships:
Thanra: Friend.
Thanros: Friend.
Waran: Friend.
Renault: Crush.
Dylon: Neutral.
Folken: Hate.
Nicolas Cage, the harbinger of bees: Arch nemesis!

Current humanity: Negative.

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)02:41 No. 495349 ID: b3ca75
File 136161606349.jpg - (57.76KB , 400x311 , 134287068511.jpg )

Meanwhile, in the hall of Justice!

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)02:41 No. 495350 ID: b3ca75
File 136161607999.png - (289.76KB , 511x426 , 134287069877.png )

Hey, superman, Hey! HEY! hey!
what do you want, douche face.

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)02:41 No. 495351 ID: b3ca75
File 136161609807.jpg - (39.59KB , 500x375 , 134287071295.jpg )

The dam downtown has burst and people is drowning, lets save them with whales! Whales, superman, WHALES!
Shut up, dork face, I’m trying to watch my stories!
But what about the drowning people? And the whales! Whales, superman, WHALES!
They can drown for all I care, ass face, my stories is on! Go and die in a corner or something and leave me alone!

You are now Superman!

Insert dickish command_

>Dickish command
Kick aquaman in the dick so hard that it physically detaches, then pick it up and devour it in front of him
show him that crossing you is a grave mistake.
Promise him that next time, it won't just be his manhood.
It will be his LIFE.

>>495351
Go freeze the water. That'll keep people from drowning.

start funneling all the water on earth into space, and tell him if he can't handle a few drowning people on his own, you'll just have to make sure he never has that problem again.

>>495357
This sounds most like Superman to me.

>>495357
Yup.

>>495357

"After all, space is a kind of ocean."

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)05:01 No. 495368 ID: b3ca75
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>start funneling all the water on earth into space
If you can’t handle some drowning people on your own, then I have to make sure no one ever drowns in your presence again! And besides, space is like an ocean, anyway.
B-but the sea life!? The people? Humankind needs water to live!
It’s not my fault those pathetic earthlings need water.
Oh gods… the whales… THE WHALES! You’ll pay for this, superman! Mark my words, you’ll pay!
Yeah, I’ll feel real bad when I find the goldfish you’ll leave on my doorstep. Now be quite, I’m going to watch my stories.

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)05:01 No. 495369 ID: b3ca75
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We interrupt this program to bring you these urgent news.
What!? How dare they interrupt my stories!
Apparently, superman have gone mad once again and decided to funnel the worlds water into space. The justice league has been assembled to deal with this new threat. So don’t worry folks, as soon as batman… I mean Lupin have gathered some kryptonite they’ll kick superman’s ass and everything will go back to normal. This is Kent Brockman, channel 5 news.
Someone is disturbing my TV watching! ALL THE WORLDS MUST BURN FOR THIS INSULENCE!!!!!
Actually, I think it is pronounced insolence.
I KEEEEEL YOU!

Insert universal destruction_

Wow the Justice League sure looks anime today.

Superman: KEEEL

>Meanwhile, in the hall of Justice!
Fuck yes!

>Insert universal destruction
Okay, realistically? The only one of these chumps that could stop you is batman. So fly around the world really fast to go back in time, save his parents, and stop him from every becoming the bat. The return to the future and KEEL everyone who opposes you.

>>495374
What about that Metallo guy? The one made of Kryptonite or something?

>>495381
Supervillain. He wouldn't be fighting for the league.

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)08:49 No. 495386 ID: b3ca75
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>Okay, realistically? The only one of these chumps that could stop you is batman. So fly around the world really fast to go back in time, save his parents, and stop him from every becoming the bat.

Foolproof plan!

Too bad that time doesn’t actually reverse if you spin the world the wrong way. Instead, Superman ignites the worlds atmosphere, thus killing off everyone… including TV.

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)08:49 No. 495387 ID: b3ca75
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NOOOO! Not TV! Where am I supposed to watch my stories now! BWAAAAH!

Insert welp… what now?

go insane and watch tv despite there being none.

Grab a nuclear powered television set, and fly out faster than the speed of light, until you're outside the bubble of the earth's outgoing television broadcasts. Then you can set up in deep space and watch the entire history of TV rerun as the signals catch up to you.

>>495387
According to relativity, traveling faster than light to a very distant point in space will allow you to travel back in time! Fly to the opposite end of the universe and back at faster than light speeds!

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)09:17 No. 495393 ID: b3ca75
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>Fly to the opposite end of the universe and back at faster than light speeds!
But that require effort! Who do you think I am? The [Insert superhero/villain here]?

>Grab a nuclear powered television set, and fly out faster than the speed of light, until you're outside the bubble of the earth's outgoing television broadcasts. Then you can set up in deep space and watch the entire history of TV rerun as the signals catch up to you.
But I don’t want to watch reruns! I want to know what will happen in my stories! By krypton, I will never know if Sara ever gets to know that John is cheating on her!

>go insane and watch tv despite there being none.
And thus our “hero” SUPERMAN! Went completely mad and started watching TV. For once, he was happy… but he felt like something was missing…

>Summon the biggest fish
Yeeeesssssss

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)09:17 No. 495394 ID: b3ca75
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Warning, fish mass exceeds that of normal values! ERROR! The Universe has committed an illegal action and will shut down! All your unsaved date will be lost! Have a nice day.

How dare you explode! THIS INSULENCE WILL NOT BE TO-

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)09:17 No. 495395 ID: b3ca75
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Game Over

Revenge!

Welp, everything crashed again.

Hey, Liz, you out here in the crashed void of reality? Any chance we could check in with you before we head back to advise the poor hapless insect-lich you irresponsibly bestowed us to?

Love that you've basically taken up the role of a mad goddess fucking with things just because. You totally created a new sapient race of bug people just because you were bored, didn't you.

keinen namen? Why is DOS in German? I don't know the German command for run on a computer! How will we reboot the game now?

>>495403
Dammt, Liz figured out how to get rid of us. Oh well.

TIME TO BUY THE SKELETOR DLC!